21 February 2021 : when i worked at juice press we’d get access to the soon-to-expire products and one of the things that got me through the winter was making hot tea from ginger shots. shake shot, dump in mug, add boiled water & honey, flourish.
21 February 2021 : is anyone currently in contact with alissa??? https://twitter.com/r3volutiondaddy/status/1363276682816196608
20 February 2021 : The action was called by two activists, Rohan Zhou-Lee [ https://instagram.com/diaryofafirebird ] and Megan Watson [ https://instagram.com/mwatsonnyc ] in solidarity with Blasian March [ https://instagram.com/blasianmarch ]. Alt text on images includes info on each person featured, which I’ll also include below. pic.twitter.com/XAdvKu1ZaY
18 February 2021 : RT @sunflowerkidd_: It would be a shame if people came after the Burlingame Fred Meyer closed for the night to check out the free food 🐀🐀
18 February 2021 : @get_altText
17 February 2021 : this resource offer is still open: https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1361880817371332608
16 February 2021 : @le_mlledanielle can you? will also dm other person
16 February 2021 : @Luciuxness not sure if alt text generation is possible on this map. Thoughts?
15 February 2021 : deactivating until the headassery settles down. happy fuckin valentine's day.
15 February 2021 : this is exhausting and counterproductive and i am tired as hell of getting my shit kicked in over nothing while also having to handle being targeted by fascists. i have work to do.
15 February 2021 : to be clear, not saying this is a second victim. someone who has repeatedly pushed the aforementioned post, created unfounded rumors to justify pushing the post. i'll dm one example.
15 February 2021 : i can or would ever elaborate on publicly, out of respect for privacy and mental health needs.
15 February 2021 : @NoCoCMAD @abshaww as for safely sharing someone's experiences, it's possible to do so without exposing them. it's difficult, but it's possible. i'm not asking for names here & wouldn't do that. however i'm aware of one person whose situation is more complicated than meets the eye but not something
15 February 2021 : i'm not saying 'there isn't enough evidence therefore it's not true.' i'm saying that post in particular directly contradicts itself. not lack of evidence, but a completely opposite detailing of events.
15 February 2021 : if you're talking about who i think you're talking about, there's a lot more there i'm not going to divulge publicly but i tried to provide support and help build a case and instead got accused of conspiring against her.
15 February 2021 : not trying to claim anything about myself when i say this, but i've been very vocal about abusers. i have no hesitation to speak out against abusers by name or uplift victims of abuse. but that post doesn't hold up and i haven't seen anything else. if i did, i'd speak up. loudly.
15 February 2021 : if you have other instances of people stating they've been abused by him, my dms are open or you can post here. i truly haven't seen anything -- and not for lack of searching. all i've seen is that post, which contradicts itself, and people circulating it or referencing it.
15 February 2021 : that's not what this is oh my god
15 February 2021 : that's not what i'm doing what the fuck
15 February 2021 : the reason for that might be that the claims in that post aren't substantiated by the screenshots in it. they actually contradict the claims. if other instances of abuse exist, i haven't seen anything except that post.
15 February 2021 : the respectability and privilege that PNWYLF points out are why white journalists keep getting noticed despite BIPOC journalists doing the same work at greater risk, i'm speaking on using that privilege to keep the work going as long as possible.
15 February 2021 : i’m not talking about the antifa press thing
14 February 2021 : no one it’s a free space
14 February 2021 : perfect
14 February 2021 : i got a yellow belt in karate when i was 9
14 February 2021 : what are u talking about laura of course they would they’re chaotic evil it says so on the antifa chart (which now is starting to feel like a psyop lmao)
14 February 2021 : i’m ready pic.twitter.com/vT37Ieq9N0
14 February 2021 : you can join my box too. chaotic good box for everybody!
14 February 2021 : the whiteness of those shown speaks to the fact that it is extremely unsafe to do this work and we use that privilege — that for us we will be and have been brutalized, doxxed, stalked, harassed, but likely not killed — to continue covering the work.
14 February 2021 : being able to get any laugh feels increasingly more valuable lately. let people enjoy things, we have so few things we can enjoy.
14 February 2021 : from where i sit i got to have a fun laugh at something absurd with people who’ve experienced a lot of abuse and for whom having some fun is a difficult thing to achieve. feel not great about being memed but the collective joy and silliness here far outweighs all of that
14 February 2021 : last time i got called antifa press it was in a dox lol
14 February 2021 : they like me which is inherently sus
14 February 2021 : justice for garrison
14 February 2021 : i’ve only ever been able to sporadically use edibles to fall asleep, never felt any sorta inclination toward alcohol. it has made things deeply unpleasant!!
14 February 2021 : right?!
14 February 2021 : i took two 10mg edibles at once last month. is that anything
14 February 2021 : i’m trying to think of some and coming up empty
14 February 2021 : the mental breakdowns hit better when you’re sober through the trauma
14 February 2021 : @PNWYLF give cory your box
14 February 2021 : hell yeah
14 February 2021 : right?! like how tf do i KNOW these people !!!
14 February 2021 : that was the most cursed thing i ever saw
14 February 2021 : you can join my box too
14 February 2021 : i fixed it pic.twitter.com/qsCQw8gQ71
14 February 2021 : i second this question
14 February 2021 : i am willing to share the chaotic good slot with garrison bc i think they deserve that
14 February 2021 : ❤️❤️❤️❤️
14 February 2021 : @RyanLedbetter20 @LauraJedeed @socialistdogmom @chick_in_kiev @AntiFashGordon @IwriteOK @gwensnyderPHL @hungrybowtie @PNWYLF thinkin about how he had actual guns for his role as 2A santa in @jamieloftusHELP’s santa university, which is a podcast and does not require props, and going “yep.”
14 February 2021 : AFG confirmed nerd
14 February 2021 : it is my duty as other talia to pull you from neutral to chaotic #WWGTWGT
14 February 2021 : i am chaotic good i feel so blessed to be seen 😭😭😭😭😭
14 February 2021 : HOLY SHIT
14 February 2021 : extremely stoked this piece finally came out & all the work i’ve borne witness to get consolidated into a comprehensive overview. now when someone asks what y’all do you can just link to this!!
12 February 2021 : Proud Boys Uncensored was run by Todd Clark, New Hampshire chapter president. It’s unclear if Telegram removed the channel or if it was taken down by Clark, as the Proud Boys have been GOING THROUGH IT lately. https://twitter.com/antifashgordon/status/1331669367927476229?s=21
12 February 2021 : Looks like the Proud Boys Uncensored channel on Telegram got taken down.
11 February 2021 : Oh shit https://twitter.com/ztpetrizzo/status/1359947896293126145
11 February 2021 : After awhile, he gets toward the Big Moment and this is where his artistry is on full display. He looks to the camera, which is supposed to be the second character of this scene. He says, "I'm gettin close... You gunna cum with me? You gunna coup with me?" MASTERFUL.
11 February 2021 : Hm. pic.twitter.com/6dbZlbsUYz
9 February 2021 : disingenuous hot take poster can have one quote tweet to give her some much-sought after tweet analytics and notifications, as a treat.
9 February 2021 : i could spend some time explaining how i understand the reasoning underlining this position and why it doesn't land the way she wants it to, but sis is preoccupied with stirring shit to get noticed and build up her follower count rather than have any kind of conversation. so. https://twitter.com/zapatistarising/status/1359279492217376770
9 February 2021 : oh thank god it actually is normal https://twitter.com/danielsgoldman/status/1359252743651753991?s=21
9 February 2021 : i too hold the top of my head when i drink some water to prevent my head from falling clean off my shoulders, this is normal
7 February 2021 : i wanna watch the football but don’t have tv channels :(
7 February 2021 : all that effort to get a dem supermajority and they’re acting like they can’t do anything
3 February 2021 : There’s some caveats to this, like if someone collapses next to you you’re not gunna stand there just filming them - you’re gunna help. Or if you see a kettle about to form, you’ll give a heads up to whoever’s near you (usually other press) and report that, a la: https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1327748701096382464
3 February 2021 : There aren’t many things someone needs to do to operate as press when covering actions. You don’t need credentials or expensive equipment. You just need to be able to know that the best way you can help is to document what’s happening, not to engage.
3 February 2021 : It’s an incredible shame that this story was run and that every “well, is he press, actually?” gets a response of “he says he is so I guess he is.” Know this, @andrewmarantz : People claim to be press because they think it means they can do whatever they want.
3 February 2021 : This article by @andrewmarantz is terrifying in that it gives validity to a nonexistent claim, and the more that claim grows the more dangerous it is for press to do our jobs. Because it means, like when the LAPD when they arrested me, we all get lumped in as agitators.
3 February 2021 : Showing up with a phone does not magically make you press. It’s how you engage with what’s being filmed that establishes that. Yelling “break that window! I have a knife, I have a knife, use my knife!” is not something *any* press would ever do, regardless of their background.
3 February 2021 : Journalists and reporters otg, regardless of their formal media knowledge, learn very quickly that the role is not to join in the chants or the agitating but to document it, either silently or detailing to the camera what’s occurring. Sullivan has never done that.
3 February 2021 : Journalists and reporters otg, regardless of their formal media knowledge, learn very quickly that the role is not to join in the chants or the agitating but to document it, either silently or detailing to the camera what’s occurring. Sullivan has never done that.
3 February 2021 : There is no basis for the claim that Activist John aka Activist Jayden aka Jayden X, whose entire gimmick has been cruising scenes as a provocateur trying to build his “Insurgence USA” platform is press. Him saying it does not make it true.
3 February 2021 : I’ve never discouraged people from going out and covering protests themselves — only from engaging when in that mode. It’s hard to do. It’s hard watching people get brutalized and having to fight off the urge to help them — they need someone to document what’s happening.
3 February 2021 : I’ve personally observed people operating as “press” who heckle police to entertain their livestream viewers. When I was arrested by LAPD while covering a standoff, police told me I was engaging in the heckling too even though I was demonstrably not. They pointed me out to arrest
3 February 2021 : The second documented instance is Sullivan himself, as detailed in the affidavit for his arrest: https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1349906749772484608
3 February 2021 : One documented instance is a MAGA guy who was helping insurrectionists at the Capitol, with homemade press credentials (he has a conspiracy theorist youtube channel): https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1352771521610211328
3 February 2021 : There are at least 2 documented instances where people have claimed to be press as a cover to do crimes. The reasoning being they think press don’t get noticed the way straight up protestors do. To let this lie hold is to put actual otg reporters in serious danger.
3 February 2021 : Sullivan has claimed to be a documentarian, an activist, a video journalist, & just plain ol “press.” The arrest affidavit on him literally says he had no ties to “journalistic institutions” or any credentials.
3 February 2021 : Have some questions about this piece by @andrewmarantz , where the thesis is focused on the assertion that John Sullivan *is* a reporter when he is demonstrably not. Sullivan *used* the concept of “being press” as a cover to agitate and cause harm. https://twitter.com/newyorker/status/1357066742758076416
28 January 2021 : psst national review is an alt right site
21 January 2021 : if you want a gif with exaggerated facial expressions (which tends to be the most common form of react gifs), it doesn’t need to be a Black person making that face! “shock” “wow” “nice” etc all pull up a wide array of people/characters. pic.twitter.com/DM65ww6j0L
21 January 2021 : If you’d like an idea about what anonymity in my reporting looks like, this piece is a good spot for that: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/washington-dc-activists-klanuary-trump-supporters-march And if you’d like a general idea about my position with respect to workers, I think this one basically sums it up: https://www.vice.com/en/article/ev3dde/most-money-advice-is-worthless
21 January 2021 : Need to file *today*
21 January 2021 : I can guarantee your anonymity — your boss won’t find out! But I will need a paystub verifying your employment as well as details about your job (front desk, housekeeping, valet, security, etc.). You can DM me here or send secure email to taliajane at protonmail dot com
21 January 2021 : If you’re employed in a hotel in downtown DC and worked during the November, December, or January MAGA marches, I’d love to talk with you for a story! More info in next tweet.
20 January 2021 : can someone try watching this footage and let me know if it plays? can’t tell if it’s my poor signal or if the footage is being blocked. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1346920683608047616
20 January 2021 : is signal down again?
14 January 2021 : is making someone you revile into a marginalized identity as a joke the move here?
8 January 2021 : Shut the fuck up
8 January 2021 : RT @lilsarg: A federal murder investigation has been opened. https://t.co/9jGamcPF9h
7 January 2021 : Well at least one cop defunded
7 January 2021 : Dude quote tweets this, 35 minutes later I get a DM from a friend that NBC used this footage on tv without my consent or knowledge. Are you fucking kidding me, @Tom_Winter ? @NBCNews ? Were you just born? https://twitter.com/tom_winter/status/1347044018199416832
7 January 2021 : *reportedly
7 January 2021 : Article says repeatedly
6 January 2021 : they’re going to refuse the ga results following the shit pulled in pa today
6 January 2021 : (it was a cop) https://twitter.com/dudgedudy/status/1346656700355518470
5 January 2021 : Also, https://twitter.com/iwriteok/status/1346240207763382272
5 January 2021 : I will say, though: Cops Lie
2 January 2021 : THE BAJA FUCKING BLAST
28 December 2020 : my bets are on manchin
28 December 2020 : stop trying to make me think rain twitter isn’t embarrassing. i know california weather. california weather is why i don’t take my ac out when it gets cool - because in ca it always gets hot again before temps drop for the rest of the season. rain twitter is embarrassing.
28 December 2020 : earthquake twitter is better
28 December 2020 : yes yes! many think roads get wack because they’re wet. in reality, the streets are slick the day after a rain bc it lifts all the oil that settled into the roads over the course of weeks/months. the most careful driver can still get fucked up off that. https://twitter.com/starlinex/status/1343477127853658112
27 December 2020 : this giant butthole on a plate is from a dinner walker had in *october of 2019* https://twitter.com/jce_27/status/1343037925148266500?s=21 https://twitter.com/scottwalker/status/1343021392984473602
20 December 2020 : Another speaker from Cosecha, also at risk of being deported, echoes the call to have more undocumented people come out and join the fight. Says “They can lock you up, but they can’t take away your hope.” #FreeThemAll #AbolishICE #NewJerseyProtests
17 December 2020 : portfolio-wise, i could pitch and be paid $600+ for an article but i can’t receive more than $504 in a given week without getting booted off unemployment. if i tell an editor this they’ll underpay me and reinforce a systemic problem for freelancers so i just...can’t...pitch...
15 December 2020 : @UARFNYC ^^
13 December 2020 : Video on the ground with the Proud Boys: https://twitter.com/sawyerhackett/status/1337939779900600320
13 December 2020 : Per reporting of police radio traffic, a cop was stabbed by a Proud Boy. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1337945200124190720
6 December 2020 : Riot Safety Fund is helping frontline costs: http://riotsafetyfund.org Any donations I get in excess of my needs are going to other’s protective gear (ballistic vests, helmets, respirators, goggles, shields) —already in contact & it’s $600+ each 😰 http://paypal.me/taliajane
5 December 2020 : fuck it, i’m listening to phoebe bridgers and middle staring hard at the rain.
5 December 2020 : bright side is things will probably never stop being a 24/7 tsunami of terror and shit..... ?
5 December 2020 : this is kinda a joke but also not, unforch. there’s brain chemicals at play here
5 December 2020 : wait no it was: “do you love the color of the sky?”
5 December 2020 : [old tumblr users cowering in fear] ha ha right.. https://twitter.com/jenashleywright/status/1335055135303749632
5 December 2020 : the thing is if reality ever goes back to not being a tsunami of unimaginable terror 24/7, we are all going to be soooooooooo boooooooooooored
4 December 2020 : Abolition Park, a somewhat controversial network of activists in NYC, announces its dissolution in a powerful statement. This comes after the group deactivated/locked their social media accounts in an effort to focus inward. A swan song, but the lyrics are “onward and upward.” pic.twitter.com/p8AnlXeCPY
3 December 2020 : @jangelooff
3 December 2020 : @PeoplesHistory @riseandresistny @queermarch @mynameisjro @jaywwalker1 @MomtifaN @JoshuaPotash @blackhousenew
3 December 2020 : @RevAbolitionist @TheBaseBK @macc_nyc @NYCAntifa @UARFNYC @outlivethemnyc idk who else to tag
2 December 2020 : Info on why that matters and why scenes across the country don’t fuck with him: https://twitter.com/rebellionbaby/status/1331902008765206528?s=21
2 December 2020 : 🚨ALERTA! Activist John is in NYC. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1334278572916297729 pic.twitter.com/BLeNOJzeLc
2 December 2020 : ty, he can (and likely will!) name search but would prefer he not get directed to my post :<
2 December 2020 : tryina snitch tag more like
2 December 2020 : wtf are you doing
1 December 2020 : HAPPENING NOW: https://twitter.com/protest_nyc/status/1333917216467791873
28 November 2020 : according to this, someone in the US dies of covid every 9/10th of a second https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8995005/US-tops-13-MILLION-coronavirus-cases-264-000-deaths-65-Americans-dying-disease-hour.html
24 November 2020 : Marchers chant “We love you, we miss you, we will keep fighting for you.” pic.twitter.com/j9m6INHgpe
21 November 2020 : Y’all wasting a lot of energy backing the uninformed opinion of an actor instead of figuring out how best to respond to calls to action coming from people on the ground willing to put their bodies on the line to fight fascism. You could be quiet instead ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
20 November 2020 : @ Queenkeez and $QueenKeezy
20 November 2020 : Her cashapp & venmo: https://twitter.com/keezyvondoom/status/1328839031577321474?s=21 https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1329415259984113664
20 November 2020 : You can contribute to the jail support team by donating to http://riotsafetyfund.org
19 November 2020 : Riot Safety Fund provides supplies and resources for jail support, including safe rides home following an arrest. They’ve also assisted on the ground at actions. You can support them here: https://riotsafetyfund.org/
17 November 2020 : Have decided for clarity’s sake to rename this move the FUFO. You’ll figure out what that stands for, I’m sure.
16 November 2020 : The journalist in question might be @Johnnthelefty .
16 November 2020 : More info on Chandler: https://twitter.com/antifascistf12/status/1328427584493903873
16 November 2020 : EDIT: they bragged about stealing the Black woman’s radio after assaulting her. I was under the impression it was a journalist’s radio because people kept hitting me up asking if they stole my bao. https://twitter.com/fuck_trump_/status/1328175563962507264
16 November 2020 : I don’t know who the reporter is but if he wants a lawyer (and he should!) I’ve got a really good one.
16 November 2020 : This footage was from News2Share’s livestream. One of the men is Chandler Pappas, a member of Patriot Prayer, a far-right white nationalist group and guy who doesn’t know how to wear hats correctly. pic.twitter.com/DS4cq2WoIM
16 November 2020 : Three men opened up and reached into a reporter’s backpack in DC Saturday night. Later on, Enrique Tarrio bragged about having a journalist’s radio. pic.twitter.com/2OkPbMtUAd
9 November 2020 : More here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CHYuSPOFTAr/
6 November 2020 : There he is. There it is. The General's chain, wrapped around The General's neck, being pulled on by a riot cop. https://www.instagram.com/p/CHQwsROHWdI/ pic.twitter.com/CZUkdKK2rc
5 November 2020 : Confirmed jail support is mobilizing to 1 Police Plaza.
4 November 2020 : antifashglippenstein
4 November 2020 : just like saying that over and over
4 November 2020 : JOHN HICKENLOOPER
3 November 2020 : Glenn's abandoned twitter is quite a little treasure trove, in case anyone wants to archive it real quick. https://twitter.com/mrpresident1975
3 November 2020 : @whitney_hu there's your guy ^^
3 November 2020 : Glenn Paul Nocera, age 45 of Brooklyn, New York. pic.twitter.com/ZleCRhMiMx
3 November 2020 : Full list, plus close up on locations (Borough Park, mostly!), and the latest ticket which still has not been paid :) pic.twitter.com/nTYEAQ636K
1 November 2020 : Riotsafetyfund (on ig but same on venmo and cashapp I believe) is the spot to donate. Donations cover food/supplies for people waiting, car rides home for those arrested, and bail if it’s needed.
31 October 2020 : they went whole hog for fascism. hold it against them forever. don’t let any excuse trick you into maintaining that laser focus on the hate they gleefully stewed in. this ain’t some kumbaya ‘well you didn’t know any better’ or ‘the excitement got the better of you’ shit.
29 October 2020 : boh in winter GAMECHANGER
29 October 2020 : holy shit holy shit holy shit https://twitter.com/crocs/status/1320855224022487040
29 October 2020 : 942!
28 October 2020 : I heavily fuck with: Riot Safety Fund — http://riotsafetyfund.org — jail support (supplies, food, rides home) Supper Collective — https://instagram.com/suppercollectivenyc — high-quality free hot meals for protestors Peoples Bodega — https://instagram.com/thepeoplesbodeganyc — PPE, snacks, misc on the ground help https://twitter.com/denique_/status/1321304220117704705
28 October 2020 : I’m an independent reporter. This footage and additional information referenced in the tweet above is exclusive to me. I do not consent to licensing. Any fair use redistribution must include explicit credit and links back to this tweet.
28 October 2020 : “We need bodies over here”
28 October 2020 : 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 cops are going to start making arrests on tillary in BK
27 October 2020 : hey @brooklynpaper , why are you calling Jordan Baruch, a journalist with @protest_nyc who was reporting on the ground for FIVE HOURS, simply an “eyewitness”?????? https://www.brooklynpaper.com/trump-rally-caravan-marine-park/ pic.twitter.com/DmRczJSAY9
26 October 2020 : tw slurs/ i don’t have a boyfriend? or skinny friends? pic.twitter.com/iTcQXwEgrU
25 October 2020 : Counter demonstrator approaches the MAGA caravan in NYC pic.twitter.com/u2OfbwkwlO
25 October 2020 : If you’d like to help feed the community, @Supper_NYC is $69 (NICE) away from hitting 10% on their fundraiser 🖤 https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-supper-collective-serve-another-15k-meals
24 October 2020 : well, there it is! https://twitter.com/uarfnyc/status/1320067600798330881
20 October 2020 : would love if the call to action — any call to action — went with it. don’t care that much about the lift but you’re disempowering people along the way. taking from freelancers for clicks never flies with comrades.
20 October 2020 : i took someone else’s work and altered it so obviously i’m not here to be mad about credit but for the love of god utilize your platform and whatever shit you post to it to agitate people you know into action. otherwise all that happens is people go “dang”
20 October 2020 : at least include the caption next time so people recognize it’s a call to action and not just something to depressed emoji at pic.twitter.com/gA16LtlpcQ
20 October 2020 : thanks for lifting my edit of a @SmileItsNathan photo off my instagram to repost to twitter lmao https://www.instagram.com/p/CGghmXuHtV8/ https://twitter.com/morgasm926/status/1318261722059132928
16 October 2020 : RT @ParkerMolloy: At least 86 supporters of this conspiracy theory are running for Congress this year; 27 have a spot on the November ballo…
5 October 2020 : where the fuck is 27 fulton st in lower manhattan lmao
4 October 2020 : http://paypal.me/peoplesbodega for the group that facilitated the food drive, http://lajornadany.org for the food pantry 💗
4 October 2020 : 5th ave & 23rd, near Madison Square Park - not Washington.
3 October 2020 : wishing death on the president is legally protected by the first amendment and only crosses the line into threat if a specific way is named. your corporation does not supersede the constitution. https://twitter.com/twittercomms/status/1312167835783708672
2 October 2020 : :) https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/01/stock-market-futures-open-to-close-news.html
2 October 2020 : also it stays on the tl till the tl gets refreshed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ pic.twitter.com/46GRn38CfC
2 October 2020 : bitch we were awake too and our jokes were better. https://twitter.com/lazerdoov/status/1312030965498179590
2 October 2020 : drink bleach @realDonaldTrump it’ll cure you
30 September 2020 : RT @itsa_talia: don’t get panicked. get organized.
28 September 2020 : He just posted his phone number publicly on Facebook because his internet is a little sluggish 🤦🏻‍♀️ https://www.facebook.com/100000883303861/posts/3795586943814045/?extid=88Gx3JQdKUitydv4&d=n pic.twitter.com/e1Hfx11fSE
28 September 2020 : holding for more info from organizers on the second one :)
25 September 2020 : cc @macc_nyc & @RevAbolitionNY
20 September 2020 : trying to find a site that shows current helicopter paths. someone posted a screenshot once but i’ve forgotten it & google isn’t returning anything
18 September 2020 : NYPD is telling people they’ll get arrested if they’re in the street or blocking traffic. NYPD is in the street, blocking traffic. at what point will they arrest themselves?
16 September 2020 : i hope this bootlicker gets listeria
15 September 2020 : could hear him pouring My Cereal into a bowl just now and saw nothing but red. will actually cut him if he goes for my hostess brand nutty buddies i just got today.
15 September 2020 : trying to not get deeply annoyed at the 22yo roommate here who has taken it upon himself to eat every item of food i purchased for myself *except* the lettuce
14 September 2020 : flying so close to the ground. spotlight on about a block away.
14 September 2020 : not digging this chopper flying directly overhead :))))
13 September 2020 : . @ACatWithNews on live just told the deputies “Keep your hands down if you don’t believe in first amendment rights.” I’m 😍
12 September 2020 : cops fucking with peaceful vigil https://www.pscp.tv/w/cirs3DE5ODMxNzZ8MU1ueG5kWkRkTVlHT_kZVCa7rigH3b0HXn1SY14SoYx0qchZYhVYfe2hQDHV
11 September 2020 : hypothetically that is an incredibly absurd premise but in reality it is callous, inconsiderate, and nauseating
10 September 2020 : has anyone heard from @chadloder today
10 September 2020 : oink oink piggy boy
8 September 2020 : A demonstrator protesting the murder of #DijonKizzie in LA sent me a photo of some of the bruises caused by the #LASD firing impact munitions on the crowd tonight. He counted at least 12. This doesn’t include the dozens more rounds that hit his protective gear. pic.twitter.com/nERYMSejRH
7 September 2020 : crowd seems to be dispersing/vibing. car comrade brought food & drinks for everyone :) pic.twitter.com/7rMHiF74Kj
7 September 2020 : got word there were cops at the end of the block and sure enough pic.twitter.com/2KF3ZSwuo7
7 September 2020 : a comrade came through in their car and is letting me take a lil rest break. one resident yells “shut up!” from his window, resulting in the other cars to lay on the horn.
7 September 2020 : they’re moving fast it’s hard for folks to yell the chants for long. people taking turns on the mic pic.twitter.com/NH3qSRWuep
7 September 2020 : this has not yet become the norm here. someone tells me “love what you did the other night.” i assume they’re talking about holding my pee for 16 hours :)
7 September 2020 : organizers put together a last-minute #jouvert action in solidarity with jacob blake & protesters attacked. the vibe crowd is small but the energy is noticeably *not* like what we’ve seen before. pic.twitter.com/5mPIL0zZjr
6 September 2020 : i don’t know for sure but i’m *guessing* the goal is to party until dawn. stretch ur hips out, babes!
5 September 2020 : Windows getting hit at NYU again
5 September 2020 : Crowd regrouping at Washington square park
5 September 2020 : “Lots of barricades going up. Likely going to try kettling everyone who dispersed. The cops are going to try arresting all of power Manhattan.”
5 September 2020 : Lots of barricades going up. Likely going to try kettling everyone who dispersed. The cops are going to try arresting all of power Manhattan.
5 September 2020 : Some young kids start posing in front of the BofA smh pic.twitter.com/mxSoOtqtKM
4 September 2020 : Seems it is, at least for now, Just Another March. The energy is waning.
4 September 2020 : Ahhh refusefascism is here. And this guy is yelling “Boo!” from his roof. pic.twitter.com/InlSSWeWxH
4 September 2020 : Just walked past someone going “they’re antifa.” Few people following behind and filming. They better hope no one here sees them. pic.twitter.com/a8P9LCekBp
4 September 2020 : Boy does this group move quick. This action is coinciding with a lot of people just out on the town, confused as hell. One Karen tried accosting someone who spray painted a little but didn’t keep going when that person skipped back over into the bloc.
4 September 2020 : The first “I didn’t see shit” chant comes early! pic.twitter.com/qf59l3AX6u
4 September 2020 : Just sidestepped what looks like a green stink bomb.
4 September 2020 : did a lil bit more digging & confirmed match between hat & mask; bumped up the brightness on a photo and it appears the person driving might be a white shirt. pic.twitter.com/E2BBG9fucE
4 September 2020 : the quart container is my only contribution to the sink today. pic.twitter.com/mbiAfWknqm
4 September 2020 : i searched the second one in @HowsMyDrivingNY and came up with lots of stuff, then came up clean (must have typed it wrong?)
3 September 2020 : wait no they ARE for tomorrow good god talia
3 September 2020 : whoops looks like they were scheduled for *today* (9/3) not tomorrow. so they’ve already woken up deblasio. 4pm city hall!
2 September 2020 : adding to uglyquarantinefood
31 August 2020 : headed to this action. if the name ‘blackstone’ sounds familiar, might be because they recently decided to buy all your genetic data: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-ancestry-m-a-blackstone-group-idUSKCN2512ES or because they’re the largest landlord in the world: https://therealdeal.com/2020/02/18/how-blackstone-became-the-worlds-biggest-commercial-landlord/ https://twitter.com/prolibertad/status/1300410050729648131
30 August 2020 : PDX cops let maga chuds murder someone tonight. https://twitter.com/oregonian/status/1299925426643464192
30 August 2020 : UPDATE: DC confirmed, not tied to that sus anoncat shit. WARNING: graphic footage https://www.instagram.com/tv/CEf_4X8B57z/?igshid=1u0tform81z3
30 August 2020 : UPDATE: source claiming DC confirmed not 100%. a second source mentions rubber bullets & kettling on protestors. don’t seem related.
30 August 2020 : DC confirmed.
29 August 2020 : dm me 🕺
29 August 2020 : @michaellatin hey @PeoplesHistory is asking me to contact you on his behalf bc he’s still locked out
28 August 2020 : 2 white shirts talking to press immediately showing why press doesn’t get to know where things go
28 August 2020 : we love to see it pic.twitter.com/8LCYtUYCI6
27 August 2020 : i took this video to show my friend my undercut last night. i went to bed w my hair like this 🤷🏻‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/dPJbefuRSe
27 August 2020 : pasta hittin so good
27 August 2020 : tucker carlson said #DefundThePolice https://twitter.com/bad_takes/status/1298774196026322946
27 August 2020 : here is what this looks like but if i tweet it the video will be embedded with credit to who posted it :) pic.twitter.com/4K8Jxluos4
24 August 2020 : still no sign of the supposed exec. but i did find my earplugs! https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1297961826429415424?s=21
23 August 2020 : donny used the big boy potty today! https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1297587881607864326
21 August 2020 : bizarro apocalypse reality has its upsides https://twitter.com/jbillinson/status/1296796930496962560
20 August 2020 : we didn’t have social distancing, masks, or 2-week quarantine guidelines in place. by the time i left nyc, it had already begun spreading. i could have killed my grandparents! but i had recently watched a vid of naomi campbell sanitizing her seat so i wet wipes’d my whole space
20 August 2020 : i flew out to la at the end of feb & came back symptom-free, covid neg, roommate neg for antibodies. i wore a mask on both flights. this guy could be the one who brought covid to nyc 👀👀👀👀👀👀
20 August 2020 : my gramma told me about someone we know who visited his mom from nyc to ca and came back to the city mid feb and got sick, “like a flu but worse than any flu.” his fiancé recently tested positive for covid antibodies. first confirmed case in nyc was on march 1st 👀
20 August 2020 : my twitter location is in germany because they have better regulations on fake accounts :)
20 August 2020 : if you’re trying to make a name for yourself by being a terf online you should at least know the basics of effective harassment lol
20 August 2020 : what happened
20 August 2020 : an organizer from UES4BLM reached out echoing similar frustrations/concerns with this guy and his bunk app pic.twitter.com/uRQN0SlBgC
19 August 2020 : vacaville :(
19 August 2020 : best way to describe oliya’s work is nightcrawler starring jake gyllenhaal
19 August 2020 : more fun info: allegedly the video was provided by oliya fedun. she used to run “scootercaster,” which now redirects to freedomnews dot tv — the same link as that ‘plandemic’ conspiracy video. https://gothamist.com/news/death-of-overnight-nyc-tabloid-journalism https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1295876496301727747
17 August 2020 : kenobi surprisingly is completely unfazed by the massive jewels hanging from his neck, and, i suspect, has been waiting for this for quite some time
13 August 2020 : hey nypd: suck pig shit 😘 https://twitter.com/workingdog_/status/1293543842487173121
12 August 2020 : this step is the first of many toward uplifting the movement rather than tearing it down, and i appreciate the leaders i spoke with who helped open the door for constructive, empathetic dialogue. their labor doesn’t go unnoticed and won’t go to waste. solidarity forever 💗✊
12 August 2020 : the marchers engaged in harmful behavior, but the people *in* the marchers are victims of capitalist white supremacy as much as they are perpetrators of counter-revolutionary violence. an injury to one is an injury to all.
12 August 2020 : while my posts prompted action to correct the behavior, they also prompted harm. i caused harm. i’ve talked with leadership about the harm i caused and the possibilities on alleviating it. this is definitely a learning experience for me and hopefully serves to educate others.
12 August 2020 : this doesn’t mean bad behavior gets a pass or ignored. it means a reframing of the behavior from a perspective of building and growth.
12 August 2020 : in an effort to reduce harm, i caused more of it. apologies aren’t sufficient. in an effort to mend and move forward, i’ve deleted my thread about nycmarchers and am recommitting my reporting focus on documenting the growth of the scene.
12 August 2020 : i sought out guidance and leadership from the city hall group i was affiliated with — food ops — that served only to reinforce my perspective and behavior. unfortunately, my actions caused a ripple effect of violence across Black leadership throughout city hall.
12 August 2020 : a thread on nycmarchers and a path forward. last month, i experienced, witnessed, and was told about an organizer group engaged in harmful behavior. in response to my individual experience and with a focus on food justice, i shared information about this group.
12 August 2020 : my birthday was in march but thank u baby 😁
12 August 2020 : meltdown may day 111 sure hit pretty hard. thrilled to see what day 112 has in store for us.
10 August 2020 : oop, it’s been changed to “opsec & tactics” which is basically ‘security & tactics’ but a lil more specific
10 August 2020 : where it says “front line attendance requested” i do believe that means shields & bloc folks, not nurses lol
10 August 2020 : abolition park is hosting a ‘protest do’s and don’ts’ workshop tomorrow and the flyer they made for it is so extremely sick 6pm, lincoln terrace park (e new york ave brooklyn 11213) pic.twitter.com/RtJ5k8we2U
10 August 2020 : RT @nicetryofficer: it is evil to say "looting" and not say how many people are unemployed, starving & facing eviction
10 August 2020 : here’s the groups that organized this. this is the second major unified action that nycmarchers didn’t join and, by the looks of it, they haven’t been doing anything lately. pic.twitter.com/u4iUHSrwqX
9 August 2020 : sorry but j*sh*a p*t*sh steals content, removes context, then rakes in engagement when he could just retweet. not about it.
8 August 2020 : bodies desperately needed at 54th & 8th
8 August 2020 : ig live on this profile: https://instagram.com/_iamqueens?igshid=o7pamrlaqtyc
8 August 2020 : activists are asking for backup, medics, and legal assistance on the ground. last known group location was 54th & 8th (4 minutes ago). ++++ iamqueens on instagram has a live story going on currently
7 August 2020 : funny thing about the @nypd is they’ve been trying to paint themselves real pretty to disincentivize people from protesting but all it does is give activists the breathing room to get highly organized.
7 August 2020 : UPDATE: i’ll be at this action tomorrow. @protest_nyc will be covering the #CancelRent action at foley square (3pm) tomorrow. 💃🕺💃🕺 https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1291488424130744321
6 August 2020 : cops shouldn’t be responding to mental health crises in the first place you dumb pigs https://twitter.com/lapdhq/status/1291180757126447106
5 August 2020 : did he end up moving to bushwick D:
3 August 2020 : this is just such a ridiculous convolution of reality it’s almost funny. he’s beating his chest with pride that he connected one thing to another thing.
3 August 2020 : 1. who cares 2. that’s not what people are criticizing 3. don’t @ me. no follow up needed. no one cares. https://twitter.com/ichotiner/status/1290075155251646464
1 August 2020 : need a point person right now. any mutuals available?
30 July 2020 : unclear why they’re not here but i haven’t seen a single person from nycmarchers. they didn’t speak/appear at the presser, they weren’t at the trans liberation march, and they’re not at this direct action — despite both foley actions being led by numerous groups.
30 July 2020 : looks like nycmarchers have shown up. so that’s a good sign it’s dead.
29 July 2020 : he’s filming a kickback lmao pic.twitter.com/NQa7B5Hi7x
28 July 2020 : let’s get your feet wet before you start trash fires thinking that’s the move. 1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarcho-syndicalism 2: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutualism_(economic_theory) 3: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collectivist_anarchism
27 July 2020 : spotted another NYCM member. would not be surprised to see this crowd get led into a mass arrest :/
26 July 2020 : if you’re in your way, the crew is to the left of the peristyle across the street thing
25 July 2020 : seems the nycmarchers might be here getting everyone to take a group photo. incredibly bad op sec game.
23 July 2020 : turns out they need a home! michelle might be pregnant *or* just getting fat from all the friskies. if you’re in bushwick and looking for two very cuddly, happy babies let me know!
23 July 2020 : justiceforgeorgenyc doesn’t follow nycmarchers though :))))))
23 July 2020 : fwiw they follow nycmarchers on ig and i’m always extremely cautious about any group that is this organized on social + cropped up this recently but as long as you remember not to listen to bullhorns & to ignore calls to divide the group/go on bridges you should be good.
23 July 2020 : i’m hesitant to say PPB & NYCM are working together with the same gameplan because we can’t know that without proof. but someone did note that they cropped up at the same time and their overlapping tactics are troubling, to say the least.
21 July 2020 : looks like the stream’s down. hopping over to @hungrybowtie for updates.
21 July 2020 : here’s some more. the steps of a federal courthouse. what a sight. pic.twitter.com/eiy7Q9NnCA
21 July 2020 : btw this is the “murder hole.” it’s basically a window above the door that feds open to shoot pepper bullets, gas, etc from. it’s tactically pretty stupid. people standing very close just holding skateboards up and saying “peekaboo” pic.twitter.com/4kmZvtTbEY
21 July 2020 : someone shouts “your aim is as shitty as your personality”
21 July 2020 : feds went back inside, are shooting from the murder holes again. we gotta get evans a new respirator. poor guy.
21 July 2020 : they’re shooting directly at press
21 July 2020 : stream went bye bye. here’s new one: https://twitter.com/iwriteok/status/1285489153824616449?s=21
21 July 2020 : worth noting: protestors surrounded the courthouse and breached the barricade because they don’t want feds in portland. evans notes that’s why the phalanx is moving and protestors are prodding the line. this is a night of action, not reaction.
21 July 2020 : caught a glimpse of evans in his gear while getting shit sorted from the gas. homie lookin fooiiiiiiiine!!!
21 July 2020 : i can’t tell if evans needs a better respirator/new filters or if they’ve just released so much teargas that no respirator can handle it
21 July 2020 : standoff between feds around the courthouse & a phalanx (protected frontline moving in unison - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phalanx ) for a bit. per evans, “looks like the phalanx is going to kinda force the issue” as it edges closer to the fed line.
21 July 2020 : idk why but in every pic or video i see the feds all look.......extremely short
21 July 2020 : protestors broke through a layer of plywood and busted a hole in one glass door and this is how the feds respond. also for some reason traffic is still moving on this street lol pic.twitter.com/qurvNu8PSy
21 July 2020 : feds gassing and throwing flash bangs. crowd using leaf blowers to redirect the gas. evans seems to have gotten some gas and is getting treated pic.twitter.com/kwdQIwgd7K
21 July 2020 : they got through. pigs maced at the crowd. seems the crowd’s dispersing. their intent was never to enter — just, it seems, to let the pigs know they can run but they can’t hide. pic.twitter.com/OKHuEuoOqG
21 July 2020 : they’ve broken through the plywood covering on another set of doors nearby pic.twitter.com/2d4wkEtQRc
21 July 2020 : a mom in a spray painted cardigan is helping spider-man kick the door and using the fence (where’d that come from?!) for leverage. incredible scene. pic.twitter.com/bxgmx8mAzb
21 July 2020 : dude just climbed up the wall, peered into a gap in the murder hole, and yelled “we fucking see you. fuck you!” stunning athleticism. pic.twitter.com/dgvynEq7oz
21 July 2020 : pigs & trolls in the feed chat don’t realize their dumbfuck comments don’t impede the stream
21 July 2020 : piggies are watching the streams & still don’t realize how many people are really out there lol https://twitter.com/portlandpolice/status/1285466622015094784?s=21
21 July 2020 : evans says a few times that surrounding the courthouse like this is tactically not great but seems people don’t really give a shit. also seeing notes in the feed to not listen to the people with bullhorns.
21 July 2020 : chelsea manning just joined the feed. a protestor is throwing trash into the murder hole (windows of the courthouse feds shoot from)
21 July 2020 : mom bloc has moved to the front of the protestors right in front of the courthouse where feds have been shooting & gassing folks from. they’re forming the frontline. MOMS!!!!
20 July 2020 : looks like they’ve confused me with a different protestor who they assaulted because she was telling organizers they collab with cops & are led by a zionist before i ever showed up. my generic baby face is my shield lol
20 July 2020 : good morning relly baby pic.twitter.com/vkE6FXCk4v
20 July 2020 : anyway, https://pad.riseup.net/p/r.2a7b777c7699f6b601f6acfee7bfe051
20 July 2020 : incorrect. there’s a difference between withholding firsthand sources and what they witnessed/experienced. multiple protestors report being led into kettles, witnessing NYCM working with cops — can be found searching their tag. lack of transparency is concrete in its absence.
20 July 2020 : simply, NYCMarchers sees itself as the *sole* in-group of organizers in NY, making every activist, organizer, & protestor who questions their sketchy behavior an “outsider” and an “enemy.” their group behavior mimics that of cops and bosses, not of organizers & workers.
20 July 2020 : alongside this, the organizers said, it appears NYCM has created a culture that conditions its members to rationalize behavior that’s toxic to the movement, incl. violence, race-baiting (like calling me a kkk white supremacist? in a black flag shirt??), gaslighting, etc.
20 July 2020 : since joining NYCM they’ve been taught to defend the group at all costs, convinced it contains the components to lead to greatness — stunts to capture compelling photos or draw media attention, collaboration to keep the team safe, funds to keep everyone cozy
20 July 2020 : i spoke with organizers last week who’ve witnessed/experienced how the NYC Marchers work since early june. they noted that it seemed some members, esp younger ones, appeared to join NYCM while looking for a team to organize with —
20 July 2020 : wonder where they learned the term “cointelpro”? last i checked, gaslighting, physical violence, and cop collaborating are classic tactics of cointel insurgents. all i’ve done is post verifiable information and frequently repeated allegations ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ pic.twitter.com/xjfLMkn1LQ
20 July 2020 : hope they all stay focused hating on me though. the more they think i’m the only one with eyes on them the more they’ll stay looking for my precious baby blues. btw: despite all their big talk they still can’t be bothered to post transaction records. hiding behind rage.
20 July 2020 : they think *i’m* doing *this* for “personal gain” when 1. i don’t gain shit posting this stuff 2. they’ve had absolutely ZERO financial transparency in their fundraising 3. they tried to collect for a bail that doesn’t exist 4. allegedly they’re all staying at a nearby hotel!
20 July 2020 : do some research, babydoll. there’s organizers in every leftist space in NYC that know not to trust y’all. good luck getting on the cover of TIME or whatever, though!
20 July 2020 : he’s trying to threaten a lawsuit because someone i’ve never met took a photo the group clearly consented to and which after, NYCMarchers assaulted multiple volunteers *with legally obtained audio of them instigating the assault*? lmao gooooood luck baby.
20 July 2020 : that was posted by dan, another member of NYCMarchers/lover of the glam shot. pic.twitter.com/WACmFUMmYk
20 July 2020 : hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha pic.twitter.com/Magf9bKFPq
20 July 2020 : #NYCMarchers *desperately* wants to be the face of the movement in NYC but they’re trying to get it by doing all the shit real organizers would never do. y’all were over long before i started posting about you. use your energy to build, not control. that’s cop shit.
20 July 2020 : i’m not the only person who knows this stuff. i’m not the only person who shares this stuff. organizers and activists throughout the city know you’re a scam. if they’re not falling for your bullshit, it’s not cuz i told em. it’s cuz they saw you and they figured out your game.
20 July 2020 : it’s funny to me #nycmarchers has zeroed in on me. they think if they can get me to be quiet it’ll absolve them from: - collaborating with cops - scamming donors - weaponizing race - gaslighting and abusing volunteers - supporting zionism - being fuckin wack as hell
20 July 2020 : meanwhile, i also discovered someone sent me some photos from 4 days ago. one they claim to be staged arrests occurring next to city hall & the other is, looks like, zionist & cop collaborator zach schaffer hanging out nearby. pic.twitter.com/r5yuoNED1T
20 July 2020 : but it sure prompted some chick who thinks she’s doing something worthwhile to slide into my dms and call me a white supremacist for.......... documenting a portion of the behavior of a group known throughout NYC to be cop collaborating, zionist-sympathizing scammers? lmfao pic.twitter.com/f2hJ2z8xql
20 July 2020 : checked my instagram message requests and discovered our sweet boy rel has been obsessed with me. this is the only one i’ve seen. it doesn’t even make sense???? pic.twitter.com/pI9zrZe9Ee
19 July 2020 : oh look the pigs gained the ability to post their copaganda to a news account 🐷 🤡
17 July 2020 : no i do not wtf pic.twitter.com/T1gT7dhpWh
17 July 2020 : why does @Chase think my oldest account is 50 years old when i just turned 30 in march ?????????????? pic.twitter.com/GyiGH0kglM
15 July 2020 : “counter protest is asking for other clergy, spiritual folks, meditators, people skilled in deescalation, etc to meet at city hall park (where the cops march will end) at 8am; presumably to warn, support, fortify.” show up! wear a bike helmet, bring your bike, FTP.
15 July 2020 : from an organizer: “pro-cop protest that it looks like clergy are supporting, meeting at cadman at 9am and marching to city hall park...”
15 July 2020 : also avoid the #nycmarchers . those cop collaborating, zionist-loving scammers are 100% gunna try some shit to get their faces in the paper. don’t let them lead you into kettles! ignore their bullshit mic checks!
15 July 2020 : make no mistake: their clergy parade is going to be full of fascist douchebags. they’ll be joined by the cops who threw trash at occupy, cops who murder with impunity and drive through protests. *they* are the bad apples who ruin the bunch.
15 July 2020 : they DOXXED bill deblasio’s daughter after she was arrested at a protest because @SBANYPD is an organization of whiny bitch babies who don’t like that they can’t curbstomp POC in broad daylight. motherfuckers are VILE. the WORST cops. https://www.newsweek.com/nypd-sergeants-benevolent-association-union-tweet-deleted-mayor-bill-de-blasio-daughter-1507750
15 July 2020 : the SBA is absolute trash. they go into police stations to spread fascist propaganda and indoctrinate cops into enabling a system of white supremacy. THEY ARE NOT YOUR ALLY. pic.twitter.com/Dw9PibrwWK
15 July 2020 : SBA is a fascist gang of bloated pigs who don’t give a fuck about you. 🚨calling all clergy, activists, and mediators who revoke white supremacy to COUNTER PROTEST🚨 TOMORROW. 8AM. CITY HALL PARK. SPREAD THE WORD. WEAR A MASK. FUCK THE SBA AND FUCK THE NYPD. https://twitter.com/sbanypd/status/1280616060899729409
14 July 2020 : this is all you get to see but suffice to say the front is covered, the back isn’t saggy, and i did not have to spend a single cent searching endlessly among websites made for people 7 inches taller than me pic.twitter.com/K8x6C2uNRe
13 July 2020 : teaching my sister about the southern strategy, something her history textbooks clearly did not discuss lmao pic.twitter.com/Co7i4d4l5W
12 July 2020 : if they can’t handle their funds to keep things going — despite having a GFM with $1.4k (and the ability to retrieve those funds before ending the campaign!) — your money is wasted. buy the supplies & bring them. don’t throw your money away on scammers mismanaging their scam.
12 July 2020 : they ask for donations then provide zero proof or transparency those donations went to where they’re needed. they let the camp run out of water. pic.twitter.com/pODmrWG9SJ
12 July 2020 : this is the same enilda who insisted #nycmarchers don’t know what they’re doing, started a fight because someone told her racism is bad, and who pulled a box cutter on an unhoused Black trans woman lmao byeeeeeee
12 July 2020 : also the chant is “who keeps us safe? we keep us safe” ya fuckin posers lmao
12 July 2020 : the extremely not scammy #nycmarchers love posting bail requests for bails that don’t exist from the hotel they’re staying at down the street from #occupycityhallnyc while withholding resources. call me white trash all you want. it doesn’t make your bullshit stink any less 💋
12 July 2020 : thank you enilda 😘 stay mad bout it, ya wackass scammers pic.twitter.com/oJkS1MToP3
10 July 2020 : medics & food ops pulled out of #occupycityhallnyc , in large part because #NYCMarchers destabilized the space and made it unsafe for volunteers to serve the community. occupy is over. if you’re going there, you’re putting yourself in danger.
10 July 2020 : i’ve heard multiple reports that NYCMarchers are staying at a hotel nearby #occupycityhallnyc . while they claim they have no funds or resources. ....ok
10 July 2020 : allegedly, Enilda (shown here) pulled a box cutter on an unhoused Black trans woman yesterday and threatened to “beat her ass.” this same unhoused comrade was also punched in the face by NYCMarchers https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1280994724317466625?s=21
10 July 2020 : NYCMarchers complained about cyberbullying (read: me posting factual information about their behavior and motives) and said they feel victimized and attacked, kind of like how they’ve been physically assaulting and threatening people since they got to #OccupyCityHallNYC
9 July 2020 : organizers rushing camera crews are not organizers, they’re insurgents. the only work they’re doing is self promo.
9 July 2020 : misc NYCMarchers are posting videos from ***last week*** and playing like the events just happened to make it seem like the space is still volatile/they’re still “in the fight.” man the only people you fighting is volunteers
9 July 2020 : there were plenty of funds and resources provided to and available for #nycmarchers . they took down the donation info for food ops and replaced it with their own, then went around claiming they had no money or resources to provide food and supplies to the camp. @nycpa
9 July 2020 : NYCMarchers HAD help. they’re just fuckin scammers looking to cash in on a movement. we were there!!! they were violent!!! we left!!! https://twitter.com/jamesfordtv/status/1280173433087819777
9 July 2020 : that girl doesn’t know someone yelling into a bullhorn or a megaphone is a scammer working with the cops to make a name for themselves, and #NYCMarchers relies on total submission from protestors to seem legit. as soon as you stop listening to them, it becomes obvious.
9 July 2020 : i just keep thinking about the girl on the frontline who told me to stop dancing and “follow the lead of the organizers,” which was just folks in their t-shirts saying *nothing*
9 July 2020 : i really think some of the people who work with #NYCMarchers don’t realize their labor and passion are being exploited for a scam but when your response to all this information is hostility and violence, that tells me *you* absolutely know the game.
9 July 2020 : one of the worst tactics NYCMarchers (who “don’t know what they’re doing” according to enilda) uses is to divide protestors by leading some on to bridges or into kettles. this helps cops block people in. there aren’t enough people at CH to fortify the park AND split up. pic.twitter.com/knucGgRzOZ
9 July 2020 : this guy posted to his story yelling for protestors to take the bridge. followed up with another video about how someone asked him why and he says “to make a statement.” taking a bridge leads to kettles. mass arrests are not conducive to protests. they’re for publicity stunts. pic.twitter.com/bPLItzQP3m
8 July 2020 : i warned y’all when you tried to gaslight me in the chat. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1279917805261991936?s=21
8 July 2020 : it’s all on tape, clear as day. an assault transpired because a liar got mad that someone told her zionism is bad. fun fact about new york: it’s a one-party consent state. you’re legally allowed to record audio without informing the other party that it’s happening.
8 July 2020 : enilda begins yelling, telling the volunteers that actually *theyre* racist and that *she* feels unsafe because theyre...not down with zionism?..??? at this point, other people with the NYCM group rush to the supply table and begin throwing punches.
8 July 2020 : when presented with this info, enilda asks what’s wrong with zionism. someone explains very clearly: zionism is racism and this is an anti-racist space. enilda fires back about people coming for “my man” due to his zionist (racist!) views. at this point, she gets extremely mad.
8 July 2020 : a third volunteer notes a likely cause of that is due to NYCM working with a known zionist (Zach Schaffer), murky fundraising efforts, and that they’re known to collaborate with the police.
8 July 2020 : another volunteer, sounds like a medic, noted they’d been there since day one and spoke of people’s uncertainty to provide supplies/funds DUE TO nycm’s presence. people were concerned the supplies/funds wouldn’t go to the right people BECAUSE nycm was there! from DAY. ONE.
8 July 2020 : enilda claims they were rationing food due to a lack of resources. they had access to ALL of our resources. this fails to explain why they attempted to block food delivery, replaced donation info with their own, and were hostile to volunteers.
8 July 2020 : Klover and Courtney (Daniel Mayo) were added to the food ops signal full of hundreds of volunteers. they were given access to funds, vendor info, etc. — everything food ops used to keep things running smoothly. they made it seem like the transition would be seamless.
8 July 2020 : she also claimed NYCM was forced to take over food because everyone else left. this is untrue. during a 3 hour leadership meeting, NYCM offered to take over food ops. food ops leadership then, in front of everyone, provided NYCM with access to every single resource needed.
8 July 2020 : the volunteer who captured the audio believes the NYCM organizer who approached was enilda. she claimed they’re not an organization/don’t know what they’re doing. here she’s photographed last night prior to the assault, as well as with courtney posted to the NYCM insta yesterday pic.twitter.com/ONnYNqlQBF
8 July 2020 : audio obtained of conversation that led to last night’s assault. i’ll summarize. an organizer with NYCM approached the supply table to defend NYCM.
8 July 2020 : all cop collaborators are bastards. solidarity forever ✊
8 July 2020 : if you have any questions, contact @TuckerSparkman .
8 July 2020 : We are proud to have been part of this unique moment and the wider abolitionist movement and are excited to continue working to nourish our community in a more sustainable and broad capacity. /end
8 July 2020 : We refuse to align ourselves with a space that does not respect these fundamental principles of safety and care. 4/
8 July 2020 : Please reach out until then regarding any concerns. We have been deeply troubled by ongoing incidents of physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional abused and assault that occurred since Fri, July 3 (note: when NYCM took over) as well as a lack of financial accountability. 3/
8 July 2020 : For us, this includes an end to all financial, material, administrative, and volunteer support. We will not be reimbursing for costs incurred after 6am on 7/8/20. We will be coordinating with organizers on the ground on reimbursements up until 2pm on 7/8/20. 2/
8 July 2020 : For us, this includes an end to all financial, material, administrative, and volunteer support. We will not be reimbursing for costs incurred after 6am on 7/8/20. We will be coordinating with organizers on the ground on reimbursements up until 2pm on 7/8/20. 2/
8 July 2020 : Statement from the Saint Supper Collective, formerly Occupy City Hall Food and Supplies From today, July 8, we are ceasing all association with the remaining movement at City Hall following the leadership shown by the Free Black Radicals and the recent statement by the medics 1/
8 July 2020 : Saint Supper Collective (food ops at occupy) has officially withdrawn from City Hall. NYCMarchers will likely remain in an effort to juice donations, which they will refuse to be transparent about. They are violent and abusive. Avoid City Hall at all costs. Alt text incoming. pic.twitter.com/KgsHMzesEQ
8 July 2020 : they finally figured out how to use that block button but their scam & violence are still being documented in person and across social media. you can’t block facts. everyone on the ground already knows. new york knows. #DefundTheNYCMarchers #occupycityhallnyc pic.twitter.com/T1PksBHhxZ
8 July 2020 : allegedly Klover (who took over food ops and tried gaslighting volunteers who raised concerns) was overheard last night saying “I’m getting paid but not for this” re: the fighting #NYCMarchers was getting into at #OccupyCityHallNYC who’s paying u, klo? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
8 July 2020 : ICYMI: #NYCMarchers assaulted a volunteer organizer at #OccupyCityHallNYC for giving them a free pizza and taking a photo of them that they consented to last night. https://twitter.com/cpconrad/status/1280775383567282177
8 July 2020 : Daniel Mayo is a little bitch.
8 July 2020 : y’all are fuckin DONE. https://twitter.com/cpconrad/status/1280775383567282177?s=21
8 July 2020 : NYCMarchers fucking assaulted someone at #OccupyCityHallNYC . more details as they become available. FUCK them and FUCK Klover, especially. cop collaborating, gaslighting, violent piece of shit.
8 July 2020 : y’all thought that pizza was FREE free??? lmao
8 July 2020 : NYCMarchers seems to be having a meltdown at #OccupyCityHallNYC ? is it because they’re cop collaborators who are scamming a movement or because they realized the whole camp has eyes on them and is quietly waiting for them to leave?
8 July 2020 : this shit slides because lily white protestors are afraid of questioning any non-white ‘authority’. you gotta critically engage with shit, not just switch what/who you mindlessly follow! the fuck!
8 July 2020 : since they took off their group merch, it’s prob worth noting that people showing up to protests with bullhorns are NOT necessary the organizers of that action. pay attention! if randos pull up & keep calling mic checks as crowd control, spread the word to IGNORE them.
8 July 2020 : i’m pretty sure they’re just gunna keep a team there to try holding some semblance of control till the very end rather than doing the smart thing which would’ve been fully uprooting before the tides could turn.
8 July 2020 : NYCMarchers are still at #OccupyCityHallNYC , still trying to steal space and funds from actual organizers. seems they removed their team shirts but the whole camp knows their scam. clout chasing zionist zach shaffer made an appearance. hope you enjoyed the free pizza lmfao: pic.twitter.com/MGs4ndIgGq
7 July 2020 : this was my email 🥰 got em on record saying they don’t know or affiliate with NYCMarchers or Zach Schaffer so next time you see em... pic.twitter.com/v9ZgQs1rJF
7 July 2020 : HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHHA brad lander’s team disaffiliated from NYCMarchers AND asked to be sent any claims of association AND shaded zach for misclaiming credit too. #DefundTheNYCMarchers pic.twitter.com/2MVYuWzTSl
7 July 2020 : an expose-the-bastards profile has entered the chat. lmao @ ‘police station’ pic.twitter.com/gNvBPi65zZ
7 July 2020 : last night at #occupycityhallnyc general assembly, NYCMarchers tried doing the same shit they always do. this time, the camp called them out and turned their backs on them. absolutely beautiful. #DefundTheNYCMarchers (h/t @deanospameano ) pic.twitter.com/bKC6DOq37H
7 July 2020 : I AM HYPED
7 July 2020 : it’s wherever nycmarchers are
7 July 2020 : email @bradlander ’s office and tell him to disaffiliate with this severely fucked up scam: info@landerfornyc.com #DefundTheNYCMarchers #OccupyCityHallNYC
7 July 2020 : all cop collaborators are bastards #DefundTheNYCMarchers #OccupyCityHallNYC
7 July 2020 : report their gofundme as a scam: https://www.gofundme.com/f/nyc-marchers?utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_na+share-sheet&rcid=81dc43c4987d4cd0a9ffd02a28454fe5
7 July 2020 : the problem is as soon as we left, nycmarchers started directing funds directly to them while claiming resources had been removed (untrue) to justify rationing, blocking food deliveries. it was an effort to get more funds directly to them vs through food ops
7 July 2020 : the only acceptable apology nycmarchers could ever provide is to transfer 100% of their funds to real organizers and to permanently disband. nothing else will suffice. #DefundTheNYCMarchers
7 July 2020 : and it is being utilized by nycmarchers to silence protestors & quell the crowd without providing any information following. they’re working as crowd control for the cops via mic checks.
7 July 2020 : i didn’t know all the shit they were doing until yesterday but once i found out they fucked with the food, it was game over. i am not going to stop until their group is dismantled and they are banned from every progressive space on the planet. food justice is not a fucking game.
7 July 2020 : this, in my personal opinion, is their greatest transgression. entering a movement to juice funds and lead people into danger while collaborating with cops is bad, but sadly these spaces have their share of scammers. coming between the people and food is an act of violence.
7 July 2020 : food ops did with a few thousand dollars what the city fails to do with billions: feed the people. in a 24-hour period, we prepared and served hundreds of meals and turned no one away. within hours of nycmarchers taking over, they upended all the work food ops had done.
7 July 2020 : food ops provided a vital resource and a beautiful community of talented, passionate volunteers who worked round the clock to serve our comrades. we slept in the street, baked in the sun, stood on the frontlines to fortify the park, and threw our whole selves into the movement.
7 July 2020 : (2 of 2). nycmarchers think they can intimidate people into silence so they can continue to cash in on media attention and funds from wellmeaning folks who are just looking to help. they fucking thought wrong. TRY ME. i fucking DARE YOU. #OccupyCityHallNYC pic.twitter.com/MAilOmmXOu
7 July 2020 : the former lead organizer of food ops took to the channel today to officially disavow & disaffiliate from nycmarchers following a flood of concerns/complaints from volunteers (1 of 2): pic.twitter.com/UZLLyLDo6a
7 July 2020 : i’m tying these threads together: https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1279917805261991936?s=21
7 July 2020 : if you search “nycmarchers” or “deescalators” you’ll find multiple reports of a variety of issues ranging from sexual harassment, assault, collaborating with police, blocking food for unhoused people, and gaslighting anyone who questions them.
7 July 2020 : lmao they haven’t removed the tag yet pic.twitter.com/VlcLejctks
7 July 2020 : no legitimate organizer has any reason to silence the crowd unless they need to deliver urgent information. nycmarchers call mic checks just to keep people quiet.
7 July 2020 : i was scolded by a girl while on the frontline fortifying the park for not “following the lead of the organizers” because the “organizers” (nycmarchers) kept calling mic checks to keep the crowd silent and scared. i laughed in her face for it.
7 July 2020 : they bring megaphones and that makes protestors think they’re in control and trustworthy. they literally call for mic checks to silent protestors, then talk about nothing. people blindly follow their lead because they’re scared of questioning them.
7 July 2020 : nycmarchers is a dangerous scam organization taking advantage of a movement to cash in. spread the word to everyone you know. if you see them at a protest, tell organizers not to associate with them. they are violent and utilize white guilt to silence dissent #OccupyCityHallNYC
7 July 2020 : also there is no need for bail funds. organizers who were arrested with nycmarchers were released on summons without bail, charges dropped. this is a transparent + obvious attempt to collect cash without any transparency about where that money is actually going. pic.twitter.com/w90rJtoiAR
7 July 2020 : more info: courtney of nycmarchers (seen here) wears scrubs to protests and then when nycmarchers leads people into kettles to get arrested, she yells about being an essential worker to get media attention. she is not an essential worker. pic.twitter.com/znbo60ZzDl
6 July 2020 : they really thought they could pull that shit on me and i’d just sheepishly let it slide. ME, OF ALL PEOPLE. https://www.instagram.com/p/CCULZzbnZBT/?igshid=b8dsteukmdv7
6 July 2020 : they get arrested to make it seem like they’re with the movement, they get police escorts, they lead folks into kettles on bridges to break up the people. if you see someone in an nycmarchers shirt at a protest DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM + SPREAD THE WORD.
6 July 2020 : they blocked food delivery and tried preventing volunteers from passing out pizza, breaking up the line and yelling at the volunteers. all they want is control and their control is in collab with cops so their endgame goal is to completely destabilize city hall.
6 July 2020 : their team is violently hostile to criticism & at least 1 member is a known sexual harasser. do not donate funds. if you’re at a protest and someone yells “mic check,” don’t listen. they do that to get folks to stop actual dearrests/get ppl to cooperate with cops.
6 July 2020 : that thunder is organizers across nyc disavowing nycmarchers, who collaborate with cops, are led by a zionist, and who weaponize Blackness to silence valid criticism.
6 July 2020 : the “call ASAP” move seems to be a common tactic to push concerns out of group chats without any transparency. DO NOT take calls. keep everything via text! fuck nycmarchers. pic.twitter.com/ClLY3nklDj
6 July 2020 : the plus side is i’ve found a community of honest to goodness real deal organizers dedicated to providing food and support to our community and when i called this shit out *they* stood with me and *we* are having a fuckin party to celebrate the work we’ve done & work we’ll do.
6 July 2020 : new organizers may feel inclined to believe whichever voice is harshest but when you’ve gone through it you know people refusing to engage with honest concerns is a major red flag. it doesn’t matter how hard they talk, that shit doesn’t fly.
6 July 2020 : someone in the chat then asked to have a call with me but 1. calls mean no receipts - i know too much labor organizing to fall for that and 2. my voice is shot so i *cant* have a phone call. when i texted offering convo via text because my voice is out, no response.
6 July 2020 : i didn’t share the concerns lightly. someone i don’t know shared info and later someone else i *can* vouch for provided additional/separate info confirming that nycmarchers collaborates with cops. when i raised these concerns and the response was hostile, it was confirmation.
6 July 2020 : i left the food ops signal because it was clear it was no longer a viable resource for authentic organizing efforts. klover and “courtney” have totally failed to actually respond to the concerns, only weaponized the effort to shame folks into silence. they don’t know bout me. pic.twitter.com/JDdIAlaoLk
6 July 2020 : i and other organizers raised concerns individually in the food ops signal with PROOF and ‘klover’ who is now running food ops + ‘courtney’ (who’s actually named daniel mayo?) both lashed out. pic.twitter.com/8QItfST4FO
6 July 2020 : food ops — those who were on the ground from the start and who are still providing funds to feed our unhoused neighbors — just fully disavowed NYCMarchers. i am here with the leaders of food ops and am confirming a first person account of this.
6 July 2020 : YOU should not trust NYCMarchers. if you wish to donate funds, continue doing so via nourishnyc venmo/cashapp + occupyfoodnyc pic.twitter.com/jeGdlvzZDM
5 July 2020 : i do not trust nycmarchers.
5 July 2020 : i raised concerns about nycmarchers that multiple people had shared with me and two people immediately took to gaslighting me and refused to answer any questions. they told me to avoid hearsay so i posted proof and then they claimed i was trying to divide the effort.
5 July 2020 : lmao some folks trying to gaslight legit concerns have no idea the trouble they just made for themselves
5 July 2020 : help a queer read this i am so confused https://twitter.com/lesbiandong/status/1277728632836960257
1 July 2020 : getting paid $65/hr and taxed out the ass, which goes directly into my pocket and affords me the ability to tell you to your face you’re paid to terrorize your own communities lmao sick burn bro
1 July 2020 : cops being like “thanks for the overtime” like my taxes pay their salaries. lmao their taxes pay MY unemployment. thanks for that, pigs!
1 July 2020 : we fortifyin da park
29 June 2020 : the drivers side window is down, and it was shown being the side facing CHOP
13 June 2020 : RT @_danilo: Got them on the run. They wouldn’t blink if they thought they had the power right now. It’s working.
13 June 2020 : saving countless coins getting these pigs off the OT payroll
13 June 2020 : keep it up, bitch babies. it’s so much easier to abolish the police when they’re already on the road to abolishing themselves. https://twitter.com/jerryiannelli/status/1271621657568763905
12 June 2020 : jahmal leach was tased for no reason and suffered facial fractures as a result. the cop that did it said it was because they thought he was an adult. as if that somehow makes it acceptable. https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/11/us/jahmel-leach-taser-nypd/index.html
1 June 2020 : i’m even offering free knife skills classes in exchange for bail fund donations because i don’t have anything else i can offer and it’s frustrating feeling like i can’t really do anything. (no one’s interested which is understandable lmao)
1 June 2020 : it sucks absolute shit not being able to be out there but it’s a matter of finding ways to help. reach out to friends protesting to send them love & support, reach out to friends struggling to let them know you’re here for them.
1 June 2020 : i can’t protest because i’m immunocompromised but i’m doing what i can with what i’ve got: talking to friends and family about white privilege, protests, looting, systemic racism, microaggressions, and thinking critically about the daily choices we make.
24 May 2020 : ahead of the curve yet again https://twitter.com/thecut/status/1264353179984109568
23 May 2020 : my zip code, and specifically where i live in that zip code, got me sweatin big time
23 May 2020 : it’s from this https://experience.arcgis.com/experience/6f649c27b114410a8973ad671df707eb
23 May 2020 : looking at this unlabeled map of nyc with a glaring empty spot (glendale, queens) and trying to convince myself the lack of ppe distribution/testing sites + high rates of teledoc appts is actually a good/normal thing pic.twitter.com/jUDQypSLRL
17 May 2020 : i wasn’t factoring covid into anything. the flights were packed, no one was wearing masks, everything was normal. i actually got looks for wearing a mask on the plane and bringing wet wipes to sanitize my seat! can u imagine?
17 May 2020 : i was really really lucky i was able to go. this was before social distancing was even a thing. i was able to get masks to wear on both flights (i thought i was getting a cold but it was just allergies) about ten days later cases started becoming a serious concern in NY.
17 May 2020 : round trip flight to LA was less than $200. i had been aching to see my grandparents and looked up flights just to see. after chatting with my roommate about it (cheap but still out of my price range when cost of lost wages was factored in) her dad used his miles to book the trip
17 May 2020 : feb 22nd, holding my grampa’s hand and accidentally v drunk at a rotary dinner https://twitter.com/robynvinter/status/1261604559597830145?s=21 pic.twitter.com/mZmStT3wNY
15 May 2020 : it snowed last week https://twitter.com/MorganJerkins/status/1261130425847734273
15 May 2020 : ok so it took less time than expected but pic.twitter.com/sg6Dc6z7ug
14 May 2020 : a majority of the meals i had on the weekends my dad was court ordered to spend with me came from souplantation. it’s where i learned to avoid all the carbs because they’ll make you too full for tapioca jello *and* soft serve
14 May 2020 : what’s your paypal
14 May 2020 : uglyquarantinefood!
12 May 2020 : congrats to robert pattinson for being the first non-food to earn a spot on uglyquarantinefood pic.twitter.com/ykeZyMgcJf
10 May 2020 : over .75:1 ratio of dead actual human beings to deleted emails about creme brûlée or some dumb shit
8 May 2020 : ok well i changed enough account info to not get doxxed and handed the whole account over to someone else
8 May 2020 : oh my god i added the gift card to the account and now i can’t give the gift card to someone else without giving them the account login i hate this so much
7 May 2020 : on my computer it directs to an endless sign in process. on my phone hitting ‘place order’ returns an ‘Oops! Something went wrong!’ page. my roommate can’t be bothered to even browse the site because “it doesn’t make sense” and this gift card is hanging around our necks.
7 May 2020 : would anybody like to trade an ubereats digital gift card for money? we were given a $100 gift card and have tried to use the app/website/mobile platform multiple times to order food and always something BREAKS.
2 May 2020 : hahahahahaahahgahaahahgaahagahahhahahahahahahahaahahahhaahha pic.twitter.com/viMjOnvtUc
29 April 2020 : bushwick folks can stop by father knows best (611A wilson ave) between 5 & 7pm for free meals to go. vegan options available. small but mighty! pic.twitter.com/OukFYyo2c5
28 April 2020 : take a pic for uglyquarantinefood!
27 April 2020 : it did not occur to me that anyone would ever message me on uglyquarantinefood and holy god pic.twitter.com/yFNwxkgOEc
26 April 2020 : if you live in bushwick & need some grub lmk and i’ll send u his ig but know that for now it’s a pretty tiny one-man operation
26 April 2020 : a neighbor set up a soup kitchen from his home & is feeding locals, for free. the nearby bar is going to let him use their kitchen to expand the effort. i brought him veg stock & volunteered to work expo.
22 April 2020 : immediate add to uglyquarantinefood https://twitter.com/leadinglatte/status/1252690513376968705
20 April 2020 : my dad’s son’s high school is allegedly where 4/20 originated, but who can say
19 April 2020 : one empty one full, willy says drink both pic.twitter.com/riymT5zljf
14 April 2020 : what if you’re the fake john lurie and this is the real john lurie just looking for penpals????????
11 April 2020 : she mentioned s nj
11 April 2020 : sos, 911, help. anything like that. brevity + severity.
11 April 2020 : feel like too many folks don’t know tweeting SOS is legit the maximum a lot of ppl can work up the nerve to send to articulate their need while plummeting into an anxiety attack hoping a friendly reaches out.
11 April 2020 : @andizeisler @yashar @Rosen @advodude @jchaltiwanger @margarita seems pretty fuckin serious https://twitter.com/dorothyofisrael/status/1248838718712172544?s=21
11 April 2020 : anyone in nyc/nj know @dorothyofisrael ? she sos’d on twitter an hour ago, no update.
11 April 2020 : 😩 pic.twitter.com/Xxx15ouJ3w
10 April 2020 : i’m an aries actually lol
8 April 2020 : pic.twitter.com/euTSDh2kMW
7 April 2020 : we should postpone elections and automatically send out mail-in ballots to every registered voter so folks have more time to get a ballot and mail it in
7 April 2020 : i’m not saying that. elections shouldn’t be happening because it’s a public health crisis and it’s going to kill a lot of people. we saw spikes in cases in states where they didn’t postpone their primaries, and the leadership failure to advocate for postponement isn’t helping
7 April 2020 : i feel like it’s worth noting i’m not trying to argue with you, i’m genuinely sharing what i’ve seen. your hostility is understandable but misdirected
7 April 2020 : do you have a different narrative that i’ve missed?
7 April 2020 : is it news that they’re not pushing to suspend primary elections???????
7 April 2020 : what?
7 April 2020 : the DNC is killing a lot of people
3 April 2020 : how’s this pic.twitter.com/Ngwi2s8vZm
3 April 2020 : the worst part for me is i wasn’t even raised jewish. my mom just picked it out of a baby book because my dad’s family is jewish, but they never married and i don’t know anything.
3 April 2020 : i don’t know. my dad’s family is jewish so my mom gave me a jewish name picked out of a baby book, even though she is not jewish, did not convert, did not marry my dad, and never had me learn anything about judaism.
2 April 2020 : and in true wife form i waited 3 full days to say anything so you’d really be in the doghouse
2 April 2020 : @yashar you forgot to wish me a happy birthday. you really are husband material!
1 April 2020 : lmao me @ my birthday
31 March 2020 : thank you!!! please come back soooooon 💗
31 March 2020 : @lawdicrous thank you 💗🥰💗🥰💗
31 March 2020 : thank you!!!! 😘🥰
31 March 2020 : TYSM!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰
31 March 2020 : thank you 🥰
31 March 2020 : tfw u take your third dump of the day pic.twitter.com/AvsqQbTmlt
31 March 2020 : hey............. thank you 💗 pls send me bill m shirt!!!
31 March 2020 : basement birthday: done! pic.twitter.com/zaDudXLVNp
31 March 2020 : thank you adam!!! 🥰💗
31 March 2020 : basement birthday lol pic.twitter.com/9Knd7L9ul9
30 March 2020 : feels good to be able to say “you too!” right?? love birthday buddies!!!
30 March 2020 : took the first shit of my 30s 💥
30 March 2020 : and so are you 🌟 happy 30th birthday!!!!
30 March 2020 : i will not fucking stand for this slander on my birthday goddamn it
30 March 2020 : like all of a sudden she looks fuckin regal & shit
30 March 2020 : no
30 March 2020 : cannot express the joy of ringing in 30 while dancing sweatily in my apartment to ‘this is how we do it’
30 March 2020 : (blocked out her house shorts)
30 March 2020 : had some social distancing midnight shots for my 30th with the across-the-hall neighbors 🥰 pic.twitter.com/T8owOa5CPx
28 March 2020 : everyone i’ve talked to so far says shit don’t add up.
28 March 2020 : i can only discuss further via dm bc i am absolutely hyperfocusing on this and have most certainly lost the plot
28 March 2020 : that lady lowkey doxxed herself by positioning meds on the nightstand to look ‘just so’ for a pic to use as the thumbnail on a heartstring-pully piece full of questions.... i can’t, man.
28 March 2020 : some very very questionable stuff
28 March 2020 : i have done some researching and i think if you’re 4 days into being sick without appetite and you & your partner “stayed home” “on lockdown” you probably wouldn’t/shouldn’t be going around town dropping off supplies with your quarantined son? the same day your fever spikes?
28 March 2020 : now i’m rereading to find all the brands. clorox gets mentioned, but that one’s kinda duh
28 March 2020 : apple watch too
28 March 2020 : oh my god what if the piece is just a fucking sponsored article for capsule omfgggggg
28 March 2020 : a lot doesn’t add up
28 March 2020 : love to see real-time character growth pic.twitter.com/Y2rNgtR17H
28 March 2020 : “The Cracked guys are gross. It was like a competition between them the way Wayne talked about them in the context of women.”
27 March 2020 : emotionally preparing myself to reconcile with the fact that my 30th birthday happening in the middle of a global pandemic while i live in the country’s epicenter won’t be enough to get my dad to text me. hahahaha
25 March 2020 : fully hear you & apologies for this. it just seems to be an issue w twitter is all. even when i could afford a paid subscription it still didn’t translate on the app/save login.
25 March 2020 : ah, i’ve tried doing that from twitter and it always takes me back to the same thing & never saves the login.
25 March 2020 : it paywalled me, but i suspect that’s more to do w the twitter client constantly paywalling
25 March 2020 : hit the reader mode button to bypass paywall
24 March 2020 : an update on this is i recently discovered i am considered immunocompromised/high risk and am on medical leave until may. but i can still connect u with my friend who also works at my grocery store!
24 March 2020 : my phone won’t tell me cuz i’ve got a timer going for when i can have my next anxiety cigarette pic.twitter.com/O2IgtshGtG
23 March 2020 : i share a bday w my estranged dad & have been sad over it for past 3 years and it is extremely funny to me that i was like “this is it! this is the year! nothing gunna hold it back!!!” and now
20 March 2020 : will this link work? https://youtu.be/Z0GFRcFm-aY
19 March 2020 : already heard from another grocery store worker who’s down to do this & coordinate 🥰
19 March 2020 : if you find this thread & you’re not on twitter you can email me (in bio)
19 March 2020 : i’m unlocking to boost this but i swear to god y’all better behave yourselves or i will lose it
19 March 2020 : i also have to limit by what i can carry, but i have no problem making daily trips to get you settled. my store has a limited stock on health/hygiene products but it’s right next to a target so as long as product is in stock, i got you.
19 March 2020 : how it works: - i go to work and buy your groceries, using my employee discount - i send you the receipt & you paypal/venmo/cashapp - i bring your groceries to you. be aware that my job is in the LES so a commute to the bronx or astoria is doable but would take some time
19 March 2020 : NYC & especially brooklyn: if you start running low on groceries but can’t/are scared to leave your home, DM me what you need and where you live. if i have to keep going to work through this i’m going to make sure it’s for a better reason than making my employer money.
29 February 2020 : you have nothing to lose but your leis (sorry sorry sorry)
29 February 2020 : kaizen!
29 February 2020 : when you reach out, i act as facilitator between you and the iww. if you want to organize your location, you’re protected by the NLRA to do so without fear of retaliation. the iww works as a solidarity resource, providing advice, info, etc.
29 February 2020 : as for safety/security, i follow media guidelines for source protection — that is, i would need something verifying your role/location, but your info won’t be shared beyond myself (unless you consent other iww members to contact you, and even then it stays within the iww)
29 February 2020 : a good rule of thumb re: employers is if it’s something the employer is opposed to, like how trader joe’s opposes unions, it’s a thing the workers need.
29 February 2020 : i’ve previously heard from TJ workers who are like “why unionize? they already give us a lot.” the “a lot” you’re familiar with is not that much! it just feels that way because so many retail/food employers actively hate their workers. unionizing adds another layer of protection.
29 February 2020 : if you’d rather not dm, you can email me securely at taliajane@protonmail 🏴
29 February 2020 : moreover, unionizing provides a sense of safety and knowledge that you can advocate for yourself and are not reliant on obedience or bending to the whim of your employer. and the @iww is more than ready to help!
29 February 2020 : unionizing trader joe’s would provide: - establishing pay transparency/consistency - protection against underscheduling - increased worker protections, recourse against entrenched bad bosses - collective voice to push against possible buyout/going public - solidarity!
29 February 2020 : if any trader joe’s employees are sad about the death of the trader joe and would like to express their condolences by unionizing, dm me. the @iww would love to help you!
29 February 2020 : TJs is famous for its cheap stuff, anxiety-inducingly busy stores, and for how well it treats its workers. that last one is because they’re privately owned & not at the whim of the stock market/shareholders. but something tells me..
26 February 2020 : it’s good! pic.twitter.com/F0Oyo04Nu8
26 February 2020 : i share a birthday with my dad, who i tried in vain to establish a relationship with, so every year i get super depressed remembering that dead/what could’ve been relationship. but this year i’m turning 30 and i ain’t letting that shit bring me down.
26 February 2020 : pic.twitter.com/J9VL1ymagf
25 February 2020 : this is all so cruel it’s insane
25 February 2020 : why the fuck can’t anyone just chill https://twitter.com/iamyasif/status/1232305813974343681
25 February 2020 : send me some recent long articles you’ve read that are still haunting you.
25 February 2020 : cc @jasondashbailey
25 February 2020 : i started a substack a year ago and then i never updated it but if you’re lucky maybe i will http://talia.substack.com
21 February 2020 : (my booty is full of farts)
21 February 2020 : oakland face with an LA booty? lol pic.twitter.com/VAQM1ikbtV
20 February 2020 : apologies and you’re welcome to everyone in this theater i’m screaming over
20 February 2020 : THIS IS AMAZING
20 February 2020 : holy shit i almost pass d out i stopped breathing through that whole thing
19 February 2020 : (the face mask is only because my roommate is sick and i’m starting to feel it and i don’t wanna spread my germs)
16 February 2020 : ew it’s gunna be 76 degrees when i get to LA 🥵
16 February 2020 : end of palentine’s day lewks pic.twitter.com/BmX7OatDeF
13 February 2020 : 😇 pic.twitter.com/jmLV3wNAdi
13 February 2020 : Activist - pic.twitter.com/Ob9yLQFSPV
10 February 2020 : is this the queerest oscars ever? i’m fuckin losin it where is laura dern
9 February 2020 : also this lady looks so much like my aunt lmao pic.twitter.com/PRzBWUKkZd
5 February 2020 : bernie was 7 points ahead based on exit polls. no way bland baby butthead is in that league, except through an app he paid and whose creator celebrated his presidential announcement. no one cares about him. his appeal is in how weak & easily forgettable he is.
5 February 2020 : that looks more like reality pic.twitter.com/2y6L9wDKh1
5 February 2020 : i’m about halfway to breaking even this month (but will need to find more work and things to sell next month!) so please don’t hesitate to reach out 🙏
5 February 2020 : when i did the math a few days ago, to break even on bills i need to make $200, to make up for lost hours i need to make $400, and to dig myself out of the hole i got in when my last job cut my hours, i need to make an extra $600 for the next 4 months. woo hoo!!!
5 February 2020 : email in bio + DMs open + NYC-only please!
5 February 2020 : hi hello! i’m still trying to get my head above water after scrambling for the past 4 months. alongside writing-related work (resume, copywriting, editing, script/manuscript notes, workshopping), housekeeping/home organizing, and knife skills help, i am selling a lot of stuff! pic.twitter.com/93WrnCBmpi
27 January 2020 : oh no i forgot to write down the set i thought of at work and now i can’t remember it at all
23 January 2020 : my sister is in high school & has a bf & everything and idk how to tell her to chill out cuz like, she’s growing? so it’s fine? dating is garbage but it helps you build a social muscle, so that when you’re older you’re better socialized to handle the dynamic
23 January 2020 : i dated one person i wasn’t even into after high school because i felt anxious having no dating experience, and i haven’t dated anybody since. i have tried but nothing clicks. i think 35 will be the year. https://twitter.com/shialacunt/status/1220132767821811712
21 January 2020 : wow okay umm what else what else
17 January 2020 : and i know it’s a medicaid thing because i, like a lot of millennials, was insured under my dad’s plan until i was 26. the treatment i sought then was somewhat extra, but not to the degree that doctors literally can’t treat their patients in a timely fashion despite wanting to
17 January 2020 : @MilesKlee reads like pandering to the wife guy demographic — thoughts?
12 January 2020 : new color alert: “bushwick purple.” it’s the grow lights in nearly every window in bushwick for the $2 ivies gentrifiers bought for $10 at some bodega in williamsburg.
9 January 2020 : 911
7 January 2020 : anyway is it just me or did taylor swift look... less twiggish than normal... in CATS? it didn’t look like she gained weight, but that they... shortened her?
7 January 2020 : i understand grampas now
6 January 2020 : obvs ‘help’ is a very generously distorted term here. i’m not fixing a knifewound or carrying people out of a burning building. but being able to give my sister & some friends the access to relax felt meaningful, if only in a very tiny way.
3 January 2020 : the bowl i used was maybe half a cup, with maybe 1/8th C (2tbsp) of soy sauce and the rest was hot water, but if you want a stronger flavor you can skip the water aside from like enough to get it hot and roll the egg a bit to stain, then add to the ramen and adjust w/hot water
3 January 2020 : i did this same exact thing with my cat but he was so fucking boring and uncute i deleted it, and then you go and post this and rub my cat’s boring uncuteness in my face ugh pic.twitter.com/zxqz6aXnzx
3 January 2020 : the wrong terrorist leader got got, imo
3 January 2020 : impeach the whole government fire em all what the heck y’all
3 January 2020 : no
3 January 2020 : here’s my exclusive interview re: iran no one else has this footage! pic.twitter.com/rLYDNMXQOJ
3 January 2020 : dr phil invite me over
2 January 2020 : big ass fire in bushwick right now pic.twitter.com/C36TZKvaEE
15 November 2019 : first uncut x-stitch spotting of the season!!!! cut em!!!! pic.twitter.com/wbBGqjuFLL
15 November 2019 : wtfffff
15 November 2019 : this is... wow. a year reduced to 48 hours? pic.twitter.com/g8mSpSIFQH
15 November 2019 : hahahahahahaha this gift note from @SirEviscerate is so good. it could be about anything!! i’m gunna frame it!!!! also THANK YOU for the waterproof apron!! GOD it’s gunna be a lifesaver doing dishes at work this winter pic.twitter.com/xgrxwjzuQH
15 November 2019 : my plan if i ever get ticketed for fare evasion is to mail in $2.75 because those subway ads all say “we’d prefer your $2.75 over a $100 ticket” so
15 November 2019 : this is why you either always astoria or never astoria
15 November 2019 : i’m making minimum wage 🥰
15 November 2019 : $35 to get home from astoria, or take 3 trains and a bus for over an hour. why is this city 😩
15 November 2019 : I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO
15 November 2019 : lmao the endurance is incredible!!!
15 November 2019 : oh i saw that as i was leaving!!!! dang shoulda got one. i got a small panettone because my roommate has been desperate to find some, and an orange pie because i was told it was very good.
15 November 2019 : it’s really beautiful
15 November 2019 : the sheer confidence of this box pic.twitter.com/Y2lQGaB7VB
15 November 2019 : it occurs to me now that perhaps ammonia/omonia has been a pun this whole time
15 November 2019 : i just went to the cafe that made the cake for ‘my big fat greek wedding’ and spotted this watermarked, framed word doc printout approx 45 seconds before a woman walked in and said to her partner “omg look! they made the cake for my big fat greek wedding!!!!” pic.twitter.com/pf87dIpf3I
15 November 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i never claimed they were. i also never insisted i was right, it’s just something i’ve learned over time and experience and over time and experience i’m sure i’ll unlearn it. i don’t entirely see how this convo is helping any of us.
14 November 2019 : that said, i love you both and i deeply value your input and willingness to speak up
14 November 2019 : call it ableist or disappointing but customers who are exploiting the system behave way differently than those who aren’t. they avoid eye contact, have zero identifying info marking their pet as a service animal, give hollow ‘she’s a... service dog...’ and generally act guilty.
14 November 2019 : the way i see it, it’s irritating as shit for ablebodied people to exploit a very valuable system for the sake of bringing their dog wherever they want, and over several years working customer-facing jobs it’s very easy to tell who’s legit exploiting for their own selfishness
14 November 2019 : omg!!!!!!!!!
14 November 2019 : haha oh no!!!!
14 November 2019 : oof
14 November 2019 : i may next time sliced the avo quarter like above, but take that round end part and tuck it underneath so it looks like a bird spreading its wings 😍
14 November 2019 : i finally remembered to take a photo of just-peeled beets, which look so much like wood grain! pic.twitter.com/BmNnDoDybq
14 November 2019 : anyway it was slow today so i took my time messing around with avocados pic.twitter.com/Kae6MqGoVy
14 November 2019 : yesssssss
14 November 2019 : “i bet they’re better behaved than any KID you’ve had in your restaurant” is not a good argument to me for being lenient about dogs in my restaurant. i say leave your children at home, too. train your “service dog” to babysit.
14 November 2019 : i don’t get the logic
14 November 2019 : yeah i didn’t say shit i just shared a look with foh like ‘we both know that’s no service dog’
14 November 2019 : it’s annoying cuz we have a sign that says service dogs only but folks just ignore it. i don’t mind if they’re just grabbing to go but when they’re sitting there *on the booth* that’s when i get nervous about dander
14 November 2019 : yeah that’s what i thought
14 November 2019 : i think you can ask here but i think that’s as far as you can take it, you can’t request documentation or certification.
14 November 2019 : that’s lowkey wack but probably because CA is where the “lying about your expensive fancy dog to bring it into restaurants” trend is most prevalent
14 November 2019 : this is my problematic thing. unless you show documents, which we’re not allowed to ask for (i don’t think), i’m never gunna believe the purebred purse pup you’re bringing into my restaurant is a service dog.
14 November 2019 : if this chick in my restaurant right now can have a $2,000 purebred pomeranian “service dog” that needs to be inside the restaurant, sitting at her table, then surely i can have 2,000 service knowing glares straight into her soul
14 November 2019 : i have already applied to vice twice, the first time the hiring editor got laid off & the second time i didn’t even complete the process, i just wrote an article directly with the hiring editor. my application is likely still in their internal portal under taliajanework@gmail.com
14 November 2019 : hell yeah
14 November 2019 : i got close but the gal’s waist seemed a bit too small, or she was too tall.
14 November 2019 : maybe i’ll get back into clay modeling. rewatch the sopranos after i finish rewatching gilmore girls. finish reading just 1 book, perhaps. sky’s the limit.
14 November 2019 : i could tell you what constitutes “ok” for me but i don’t quite care to do so.
14 November 2019 : i don’t believe you
14 November 2019 : as much as i want to enjoy the stress & annoyance at all the posturing, none of this will get through the senate & the entire system is complicit in letting trump even smell the oval office so. i’m just gunna see how much ok porn i can find where someone has my exact body type.
14 November 2019 : never
14 November 2019 : is it 2002?
14 November 2019 : am i having a stroke
14 November 2019 : it’ll never be late enough to unleash this baby pic.twitter.com/YYPRRZSYtP
14 November 2019 : mommy why do i feel disgusted when i spend two days procrastinating on work and then once i finally do it it’s a total breeze and i get mad at the work for tricking me into thinking it would be worse
14 November 2019 : “country music veteran trent reznor” ??????? SINCE WHEN?????
14 November 2019 : oh fuck i was the satan number on this oh no pic.twitter.com/es4p8yFlge
14 November 2019 : @freddyscott
14 November 2019 : yoooooooo https://gothamist.com/news/nyc-psychology-professor-secretly-moonlights-white-nationalist-co-host-richard-spencers-podcast
14 November 2019 : how ya doin
14 November 2019 : hey buddy
14 November 2019 : 1 like is 1 respect for these people who have decided to model alongside their cat trees pic.twitter.com/53brLPReGA
14 November 2019 : genius. innovation. https://twitter.com/shrimpbinch/status/1194673144671416320
14 November 2019 : what pic.twitter.com/zDX2xfz7E1
14 November 2019 : i LOVE it
14 November 2019 : forgave horses?
14 November 2019 : i love it
14 November 2019 : or just more of the same ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
14 November 2019 : lol
14 November 2019 : true
14 November 2019 : i ASSure you i am not
14 November 2019 : it’s mildly weird to think that 100% of my 20s have occurred in a single decade and thus i have nothing to show for it
14 November 2019 : i shall keep my butt fully puckered and protected
14 November 2019 : survived the “eat ass” hysteria without suffering through a single starfish smooch https://twitter.com/stfutony/status/1193954501620690944
14 November 2019 : i like the cowboy riding the bomb bit, that was very iconic.
14 November 2019 : oh no it’s a Movie For Men™ isn’t it i’ve been duped oh no
14 November 2019 : i was told this was... funny? mostly it is just unevenly loud.
14 November 2019 : i have been watching dr strangelove for 100 years pic.twitter.com/Iq5mEMvQDI
14 November 2019 : 😩 you need a humidifier and if you already got one you need a second one. stay damp!!!
14 November 2019 : she hasn’t https://twitter.com/alannabennett/status/1194807883528990720
14 November 2019 : oh no
14 November 2019 : what the heck??? AGAIN???
14 November 2019 : this is so cute!!!!!
14 November 2019 : you’re missing the part in his thread where it’s clear the white house reporters haven’t discussed the story on social media despite there being in-paper coverage of it
14 November 2019 : qvc is selling these weird open-back beanies and the host put one on over her short hair and spent the whole segment looking absolutely hilarious pic.twitter.com/KFe91yavF2
14 November 2019 : lmao
14 November 2019 : yeeeeee
14 November 2019 : also she’s.... getting money from billionaires... to blast... billionaires. which imo is a pretty good use of the money.
14 November 2019 : big “do you know who my father is” energy https://twitter.com/schwartzbcnbc/status/1194731650544021515
13 November 2019 : this isn’t from a merger
13 November 2019 : um these are INSANELY cute
13 November 2019 : i tipped everyone on shift after he clocked out $10 for a $3 coffee lol
13 November 2019 : he saw me so 100% chance he’s gunna hate-lurk my twitter and that huge vein in his forehead is gunna throb even harder, so naturally i gotta post about free food & lots of hugs from coworkers who can’t stand him 🥰
13 November 2019 : wore my roommate’s earrings to a meeting with @kieleraymond & i stood in front of an elevator with a guy who just found out he landed a dope gig. then i stopped by my old job & they gave me free food and i didn’t even bump into the shift lead everyone hates. lucky earrings! pic.twitter.com/T4vI1VtmpD
13 November 2019 : wish you’d catch me 😩
13 November 2019 : lookin like a vasectoSNACK pic.twitter.com/kVkP4AKZl9
13 November 2019 : working on my protest sign for the next one pic.twitter.com/1W4uYMsi44
13 November 2019 : logically i know that this woman on the train has a container of salad she is resting *on top of* her purse for balance but VISUALLY this chick filled her purse with salad so she’d have a leafy snack wherever she goes. when the dressing starts to separate she shakes her purse.
13 November 2019 : can i just say that i love that worker solidarity right now is buying lots and lots of churros https://twitter.com/jessicaramos/status/1194673418903404546
13 November 2019 : yes and when you've got cramps the shits just coming out feels great. also feel a lot lighter.
13 November 2019 : the first time i realized period shits were A Thing was while perusing texts from last night and someone accidentally texted their whole contact list "period shits are the besttttt" for this reason i have never once been upset over them. less work for me! https://twitter.com/rosiebeard/status/1194615413574971392
13 November 2019 : imo this is an improvement
13 November 2019 : another day of ignoring the timeline. starting to think this might be The Move that’ll get me havin a life.
13 November 2019 : if some big name journo pubs a piece soon about AP prep tutoring programs basically proselytizing their methods as the only way to pass the exam and how classism creates mental rigidity by exploiting fear, i will lose my fucking shit
13 November 2019 : this one room had like 3 separate AP prep groups full of kids who’d been trained to only listen to their expensive corporate tutor who kept saying “no” at my advice. it felt..... eerily prescient. a cult of expensive obedience.
13 November 2019 : also i was a journalist and my friend was jamal khashoggi, who revealed to me that he faked his death to highlight the threat that fascism has on the free press, & i wrote an article no one read cuz a few days later my other friend ronan farrow pubbed a similar piece
13 November 2019 : my advice was: answer ‘what’ and ‘why’ for everything you say and use quotes to do so. read every prompt as soon as you start so you know what’s coming next. don’t sweat too much about the multiple choice part.
13 November 2019 : i had a dream a ton of students were gearing up to take the AP english exam where i work (???) so i thought i’d pop in and give them free advice on taking the exam and EVERYONE WAS SO MEAN ABOUT IT
13 November 2019 : ugh i’m too annoyed to keep going with this movie. love actually is officially dead.
13 November 2019 : do it. just make sure you change your address visibility so folks can’t see it!
13 November 2019 : notting hill is gag-worthy with how cheesy it is but there’s no logic gaps. if you can tolerate the gooey absurdity and hilariously bad soundtrack it at least doesn’t have many ‘wait what the fuck’ moments like love actually
13 November 2019 : when all you need is a heartwarming story to erase your mind anxiety, it’s vital that there be as few logic gaps as possible. there is a limit to suspension of disbelief when rewatching something specifically to soothe your soul.
13 November 2019 : these logic holes are what make this film such an impossible fit within the category of mushy films you watch repeatedly to cheer you up. another one that doesn’t fit: sleepless in seattle. she peels an apple like his dead wife did. is she just replacing her?
13 November 2019 : a real one for callin it out
13 November 2019 : buddy they won’t even let ME die in front of a plate of vegetables
13 November 2019 : if the musicians are friends, why then did they have a terrible DJ for their reception. are we to believe these baffoons didn’t notice that half the people at their wedding aren’t people they know? why was sarah dressed in her hat & coat. did she just pop in while running errands
13 November 2019 : i hate the wedding surprise band scene. the musicians are like, half of an already sparse audience. are they friends with a ton of musicians? did they invite a ton of acquaintances just to fill seats? didn’t bother noticing that 50% of their wedding guests were...total strangers?
13 November 2019 : my end is certainly a meme
13 November 2019 : no no love we’re havin a bit of a fun time together!
13 November 2019 : and in incredible lighting
13 November 2019 : i def reread a few times thinking the same thing as you and then when i caught it i was like LOL RT HA HA HEE HEE
13 November 2019 : his family is dying
13 November 2019 : resentfully watching love actually in lieu of all the other ones i want to watch AGAIN
13 November 2019 : burn private health insurers and pharmaceutical companies to the ground, imo
13 November 2019 : the point of streaming is to watch whatever you want on demand and yet nowhere has the bridget jones trilogy. bridget jones season is in full swing and yet!
13 November 2019 : the 2010s have not really been all that great, honestly. went to school, dropped out cuz i couldn’t afford to do it, got a job, blew up that job, got verified, deverified myself, applied for jobs, got mostly rejected. gained a bunch of weight & lots of kitchen burns. meh.
13 November 2019 : went into the barnes & noble at union square and discovered someone had left behind the biggest shit i’ve ever seen. i took a video of me trying (and failing) to flush it. https://twitter.com/stfutony/status/1193954501620690944
13 November 2019 : oooo i oughta add a candy therm!!
13 November 2019 : smart
13 November 2019 : you never know when you need to... ram... water kinetically!
13 November 2019 : oooooo
13 November 2019 : no way i could get those on and off fast enough between orders 😩
13 November 2019 : wish there were dish gloves that go up to your shoulders & are easy to take off too
13 November 2019 : i’m so tired of getting drenched & freezing
13 November 2019 : it’s for when i have to wash dishes at work 😩
13 November 2019 : i’m not allowed to buy myself new books until i get through what i’ve already got
13 November 2019 : no. i used to work right by it but never ended up going in!
13 November 2019 : i just added some incredible crocs that i would never pay $35-45 for but that are too absurd to not include (my last pair was $20 and the pair before that was $15)
13 November 2019 : score
13 November 2019 : hell yeah
13 November 2019 : what color!
13 November 2019 : whisker. friendly. cat food. bowl.
13 November 2019 : i can’t believe it’s on there at all!!!
13 November 2019 : tell me what fun shit you’ve got in your wishlists
13 November 2019 : well i tried keeping chili cheese fritos on there but the vendors keep changing
13 November 2019 : my wishlist https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1WLTIGJZ668CM?ref_=wl_share
13 November 2019 : incredibly cursed
13 November 2019 : she been eatin olive oil with her food!
13 November 2019 : lmao i hate this
13 November 2019 : puppy snoozin on my couch! puppy snoozin on my couch! puppy! snoozin! on! me couch!!!! pic.twitter.com/kJQ0bPYEC3
13 November 2019 : i think he edited it when it was originally posted
13 November 2019 : if you try googling hugh grant nudes you will find some truly beautiful photoshop. this one’s my favorite. pic.twitter.com/KfWJt1eFj1
13 November 2019 : lmao @chick_in_kiev
13 November 2019 : me when i set out to accomplish my dreams, achieve goals, and make my life dramatically better vs the second i start working pic.twitter.com/TjD0RLQ02o
13 November 2019 : love a gender fluid hot boss https://twitter.com/phrozinny/status/1194433464923242497
13 November 2019 : what is this from why do i look so hot
13 November 2019 : she came home as i was about wrapping up so pic.twitter.com/73cSuWeG8G
13 November 2019 : they do and i have decided to build the sauce off that assumption
13 November 2019 : mmm yes daddy pic.twitter.com/gWlUeRgM26
13 November 2019 : am also making box rice pilaf. the flavor pack was all hard so i am cooking it down separately w a little water to break it all down so there aren’t any big dry chonks. maybe i will add the green beans to that!
13 November 2019 : i also blanched some green beans. fun fact on that is if your water is salty enough the beans won’t lose nutrients like they would with boiling — they’ll just gain some flavor from the salt!
13 November 2019 : lol have you ever added beets to a vegetable stock
13 November 2019 : oh wait the sauce has a jalapeño cilantro concentrate i made at work for an aioli but took home for whatever i want (😈) plus parmesan, rosemary, nonfat yogurt, and the remainder of her creme fraiche. i’m out of lemons so i gotta be creative on where i get my acid for this! pic.twitter.com/HarU327pI7
13 November 2019 : i’m also making a....sauce? with these leafy things she bought that i’m pretty sure are parsley but were so wilted before i trimmed them that i wasn’t sure. the sauce has turmeric, ginger (frozen cubes! trader joe’s!), carrot, chopped garlic (jar, not fresh!), and who knows what pic.twitter.com/xpLWdQOSj2
13 November 2019 : i point the fat butts out along the edge of the pan as a tribute to fat butts and also because the outsides cook first so the thicker part pointed out will help it all roast evenly pic.twitter.com/lLJxkM0ypI
13 November 2019 : my roommate went to a farmers market which means i am now cooking stuff that may or may not turn out. for example, i am going to roast these carrots in some brown sugar & turmeric pic.twitter.com/4ylylksKOy
12 November 2019 : im talkin porn
12 November 2019 : https://jesus.shoes/
12 November 2019 : drake bought a pair of their jesus shoes!!!!!
12 November 2019 : https://mschf.xyz/ is creating some seriously brilliant art
12 November 2019 : oh my god. there was a restaurant on seamless that lets you use your corporate seamless balance to donate money to political candidates. seamless shut them down because it was the first good use of the service since it launched 😂 pic.twitter.com/Kbxsk3d6CL
12 November 2019 : potential conquests can contact me on here or at taliajanework@gmail.com. please have them include a headshot, list of hobbies, and 2 non-work related skills (making pancakes, good at trivia, etc.). i will come preview the candidates tomorrow at 6pm with my escort, @mb .
12 November 2019 : why does he have those toys. why does he look so sleepy/knocked out. how did he get on that school bus. are there kids on the bus? who is that woman and can we give her a medal of honor for diving all the way in.
12 November 2019 : omgggggggg but also who DIDN'T have a crush on her back in the day
12 November 2019 : omg i didn't even realize this was nyc but then i saw the rainbow. this has gotta be downtown brooklyn right?
12 November 2019 : could be worse. you could be me.
12 November 2019 : are any of you single and into sad chubby weirdos
12 November 2019 : i need more info on what the FUCK IS GOING ON HERE https://twitter.com/pharmasean/status/1194379393793249280
12 November 2019 : yo what the fuck
12 November 2019 : actual lol
12 November 2019 : it’s cold? AHHH!!!!! that means i’m gunna die someday!!!!!!
12 November 2019 : the weather changed and it’s freaking me the FUCK out!!!! the passage of time is fuckin nuts!!!!!!!!
12 November 2019 : what is THIS
12 November 2019 : i have no desire to have kids but i did make the mental note that if i did, the photos would be of shitting up their onesie and screaming bloody murder and the chaos of it all. it’s more fun to document, imo. embrace it. love the bomb.
12 November 2019 : one time i spilled hot kimchi juice on my arm and i had a massive blister i had to keep wrapped for weeks and as it healed it sorta looked like a penis but i don’t understand why a burn would be c- ohhhh this isn’t about kitchen burns https://twitter.com/jimmyfallon/status/1194357292705161216
12 November 2019 : i love that. i hate the sterilized feel of laughing in front of a mural or perfect lighting. it feels empty, false.
12 November 2019 : people whose instagram accounts are beautifully curated snapshots of joy and art exhaust me. i simply cannot care.
12 November 2019 : there is no better argument for communism than sharing streaming subscription passwords so everyone has everything but doesn’t have to pay for it all.
12 November 2019 : i forgot a few
12 November 2019 : billionaires could pay for all of our netflix/hulu/prime/hbo/starz/showtime/cbs/disney+ subscriptions and still be billionaires.
12 November 2019 : no
12 November 2019 : YOOOOOOOOOOOO
12 November 2019 : are u suggesting superhero powers are not realistic
12 November 2019 : thank u sarah
12 November 2019 : i'm.....obsessed with this term? https://twitter.com/Riginal_Zin/status/1194335720942399488
12 November 2019 : i hate how good that term is.
12 November 2019 : holy SHIT this is funny
12 November 2019 : hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaha
12 November 2019 : this happened to me after i replied to someone with 'if this is really the hill you wanna die on then you do you i guess' lol smh
12 November 2019 : mmm thinking about watching a movie about a screenwriter or playwright instead.
12 November 2019 : the sad thing is this news story will likely be the first time a lot of people are forced to acknowledge the reality that activists & protestors have been yelling about since day 1. so it's like, glad you finally showed up but jeez.
12 November 2019 : too kind a demise, imo
12 November 2019 : entire timeline been journalists talking about journalism for like 2 days now and i still don't have any idea what prompted it, nor do i want to. just enjoying the show.
12 November 2019 : mommy and daddy are fighting but it's because we love each other pic.twitter.com/ZnTJuOGWpf
12 November 2019 : ok boomer
12 November 2019 : baby's bout to get fuckin eviscerated
12 November 2019 : ok boomer
12 November 2019 : this is likely a swarm effort. 1 person deliberately tweets a bunch of inflammatory replies, you reply to it like 'lol ok', a ton of nazis swarm to report it for hate to get the acct autosuspended. baffling that how often this happens twitter hasn't bothered to disable it.
12 November 2019 : stephen miller is a white supremacist? this is certainly surprising. definitely news.
12 November 2019 : yes!!!! they're at the medium-fancy bodega now!!!
12 November 2019 : a dainty mess pic.twitter.com/IiSiNtuWC3
12 November 2019 : my roommate got me the teacup/saucer, my neighbor made the coffee, and i got the stroopwaffles. a team effort.
12 November 2019 : holding you to this
12 November 2019 : love this aesthetic for me pic.twitter.com/R2VIoqeupg
12 November 2019 : call me when they got a disney 21+
12 November 2019 : and yet my dms stay empty
12 November 2019 : i'm so hopeful for it
12 November 2019 : i am all the fieris
12 November 2019 : it’s creamy but also tangy
12 November 2019 : slide into the DMs if u wanna taste MY donkey sauce ugh ew ugh
12 November 2019 : no i cannot bring her into the mess of my mind for such a simple mistake
12 November 2019 : hi https://twitter.com/jhilburg/status/1194290216313462784
12 November 2019 : hold me till this passes
12 November 2019 : the baking soda one worked everything is fine again https://www.rd.com/home/cleaning-organizing/how-to-remove-water-stains-from-wood/
12 November 2019 : no way
12 November 2019 : i am crestfallen. with a single glass of water the hot air balloon of my love and trust has been irreparably punctured and then it caught on fire and crashed into an empty field.
12 November 2019 : oh my goddddddd
12 November 2019 : it’s just a cutting board it’s just a cutting board it’s just a cutting board don’t cry it’s just a cutting board it’s not representative of how desperate you are for something positive in your life it’s just a cutting board she didn’t know it’s just a cutting board SHE KNEW
12 November 2019 : as soon as i saw the glass i whispered “FUCK” and then strained to the point of shaking as i tried saying very delicately that that “is not something we can do”
12 November 2019 : my brain over this egregious but very small THING: she did it on purpose. she hates you because you’re bad so she seared a water ring forever into the fresh, beautiful block you have longed for for years. no she didn’t know it’s just a water ring SHE HATES YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BAD
12 November 2019 : my roommate, who i love and respect and appreciate and who i am constantly in awe of, put a glass of water on my boos block and i am not taking it well.
12 November 2019 : i’m the tall lion boy
12 November 2019 : i created a word that does not exist in an effort to illustrate that squinty smirk mob guys would do under their fedora, as though their eyes are slicing through bullshit.
12 November 2019 : i don’t know
12 November 2019 : i was turning slice into a... an adverb? not slicey, but slice-ily
12 November 2019 : oh dear. woke up feeling horny with no suitable outlet to alleviate it. guess i’ve gotta go ruin some gal’s whole day. hm, wait, what’s this? an ancient artifact that says i can feel horny WITHOUT bringing innocent strangers into it? wow! what an innovation! i’ll do that instead!
12 November 2019 : catch me wearing a giant suit and slicily (cannot think of better word) looking over a cigar and massaging a tommy gun and just overall being a dangerously erotic mess, see. https://twitter.com/isaacfitzgerald/status/1194290149905051648
12 November 2019 : jesus probably would only get like 3 likes on a selfie
12 November 2019 : the best rodent deterrent product on the market. i actually got this one for free from a bin outside a grocery store. pic.twitter.com/Sy8V9pMCZi
12 November 2019 : googling those now!!!
12 November 2019 : good to know. we left the fridge & oven several feet from the wall to hopefully force any remaining friends out. hoping to catch on the glue trap very soon so i can release it vs him just throwing it away still alive. i hate glue traps so much :(
12 November 2019 : he’s allergic to cats but i told him that 😩😂 pic.twitter.com/8vtuye7VrF
12 November 2019 : he’d have to buy those online bc all that’s stocked around here are glue. but i told him if something gets trapped he can help it off by pouring veg oil on it. & he keeps shit super minimal. food not out anywhere. prob why droppings were everywhere. they were searching.
12 November 2019 : aren’t we all
12 November 2019 : it’s bedtime
12 November 2019 : it’s something to do, i know what to do, might as well
12 November 2019 : but i don’t really know what to do next aside from check the traps and hope for the best?
12 November 2019 : he thinks the most helpful thing i did was tear apart his kitchen and deep clean everything, but in reality the most helpful thing i did was send him to the bodega for more supplies and ask him to do various smaller tasks so he wouldn’t have a breakdown or feel useless lol
12 November 2019 : i was anticipating my neighbor-friend to react like “oh dang there it is!” because kitchen work trains you to be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but instead he leapt out of his skin and felt nauseated, which is the normal human response.
12 November 2019 : i saw the mouse leap out from the back of the fridge and run toward the oven, hiding in a pile of paper towels i had used to clean the floor & walls around the oven. it then ran toward the bathroom, revealing that these 3 locations are familiar to it.
12 November 2019 : i don’t know much but given my work experience i know how to deep clean. i anticipate the building will send pest control, who will simply give my neighbor some more glue traps. i feel bad for the mouse at the brink of its demise.
12 November 2019 : to see if it would drain out the sides or nowhere (to figure out if there’s a hole below). i stuffed steel wool into cabinet crevices and put down a glue trap (all the bodega has) at the one remaining entryway.
12 November 2019 : i used a ton of steel wool to pack various crevices in his kitchen and in the sink cabinet. took apart the oven & opened the back of the fridge. pulled both out from the wall & cleaned the whole space. in the bathroom i poured bleach in the base of the cabinet—
12 November 2019 : i just flexed my kitchen knowledge to help my neighbor deep clean & rodent-proof his kitchen because some furry friends decided to have a party in his oven and fridge. afaik there’s a mouse hiding in the crevice behind his bathroom sink cabinet now. i’m curious on next steps.
12 November 2019 : obviously not
12 November 2019 : twitter would be way better if every tweet was like 20% less specific. all the important urgent tragic things, instead of being specific it’s just like “another bad thing happened. human optimism is a curse, cuz this’ll just happen and make you feel bad again. ah well.”
12 November 2019 : i never want @Guinz to explain this pic.twitter.com/AaClrZXUhv
12 November 2019 : i’m not paying attention to the timeline whatsoever and it’s making so many tweets that i think are supposed to be serious and sad brutally funny.
12 November 2019 : honestly surprised this hasn’t happened yet. @mb get in here too
12 November 2019 : everyone who has a brain gets horny at good art!!!! it’s why folks stay riled up at seeing the mona lisa in person. she’s been keeping us hard for 500 years. a real one. https://twitter.com/gabriel_whaley/status/1194091118608162816
12 November 2019 : you know what? i am too.
12 November 2019 : @Gabriel_Whaley hella good shit gets me all sorts of riled up
12 November 2019 : seriously they are making beautiful stuff and i am v aroused pic.twitter.com/duvXvVWs0W
12 November 2019 : @ the creator/s behind it: i think i’m in love with u https://twitter.com/brahmsposting/status/1194025550194642949
11 November 2019 : oof
11 November 2019 : recommend changing your settings for a bit to only show replies from folks who follow you. out of sight, out of mind. it comes in handy often.
11 November 2019 : this got me craving to rewatch MANDY
11 November 2019 : i wish it was possible to stop existing immediately after reading something like this and then come back with no memory of the trauma. give me a BSOD for the human brain. pic.twitter.com/Gyb7pMBVDI
11 November 2019 : absolutely fucking not pic.twitter.com/pJ06RadXuY
11 November 2019 : we are so beautiful pic.twitter.com/q9NQYX60y4
11 November 2019 : i blame the pale, dehydrated filmmakers
11 November 2019 : i got an email from reddit claiming unusual activity on my account, which i forgot i had, barely used, and haven’t touched for a few years. scummy trick to boost activity? or something else? i don’t care. this is way more important. pic.twitter.com/30eIKZhTOJ
11 November 2019 : i found a metal one on the street when i first moved in that has proved quite decent once it was screwed into the wall
11 November 2019 : feel like i just asked someone how they’re doing and they ranted for seven unbroken minutes before turning to walk away, still talking but this time to no one
11 November 2019 : oh i see the online is having a normal one today. pic.twitter.com/cv3oFyblpe
11 November 2019 : it's because the photo didn't include a toilet! how were they supposed to know!!!
11 November 2019 : someone had to lug a toilet into a photo staging space to take these, and i am confident that as they were doing so they said or thought 'no one needs to see the fuckin toilets'
11 November 2019 : i like images for over-the-toilet storage units that include in the photo a toilet. it is as if to say: we're worried you might think that big empty space is for a tv or something. pic.twitter.com/YaGAbIFduL
11 November 2019 : i appreciate that it lets me have my pickin' time but then takes care of the rest
11 November 2019 : https://link.medium.com/ogqjPe5gx1 https://twitter.com/ssshellyyyy/status/1192091214184501249
11 November 2019 : oh no i only drank half the quart last night, which totaled 8oz actual cold brew. i split it 50/50 because otherwise it is too much for my beautiful tumtum
11 November 2019 : aye aye captain
11 November 2019 : i have found that they only work if i first rupture the skin. simply placing over a brewing bud renders no results.
11 November 2019 : i don’t fully understand how zit stickers work but i am constantly fascinated that when i feel a giant bump under one and peel it off, it is the sticker that has formed the bump. pic.twitter.com/Vzq8y55T87
11 November 2019 : crucial to mention the wife so no thirsty babes take it as a sign to dm slide. i respect it.
11 November 2019 : if you ever order a hot latte with nondairy milk, order it with oatmilk (or soy) but never almond. almond is very easy to oversteam and will leave your latte tasting like wet toothpicks.
11 November 2019 : it was half a quart of cold brew, approx 2tbsp simple syrup, then filled the rest with oatmilk. oat brings out chocolate notes whereas almond simply waters down and soy's water and fat separate and makes your cold brew look like shit.
11 November 2019 : text/email at 4:30 to ask what time they'll be available and then tell them you'll call them at that time and then call exactly 2 minutes after that.
11 November 2019 : genuinely feeling a sense of loss and sadness over the quart container of cold brew i made myself last night and which i just finished drinking. it was so perfect i want to light a candle in memory of it. i hate to see you go but i loved drinking you into oblivion.
11 November 2019 : this is art pic.twitter.com/nIC17450vw
11 November 2019 : desi please destroy miles for me. take a virginity he didn’t even know he had. send him to a mental ward.
11 November 2019 : pic.twitter.com/jGPXOByzr1
11 November 2019 : i originally said the original tweet out loud to @SatansJacuzzi a few days ago and then the tweet you linked reminded me of that so then i tweeted it #BehindTheTweet
11 November 2019 : OH YOURE BACK????
11 November 2019 : open concept office spaces are the worst thing to happen to worker productivity since bosses
11 November 2019 : this ain’t it chuck
11 November 2019 : that lil piece of shit https://twitter.com/astrokatie/status/1193914220305354752
11 November 2019 : lol awww
11 November 2019 : this is my dream job
11 November 2019 : coworker was like ‘ha ha... yeah...’
11 November 2019 : i’m excited to empty my bank account for u
11 November 2019 : omg can you do these as dangly earrings or are they too heavy
11 November 2019 : i’m obsessed af with all these tiny hoops https://twitter.com/saraschaefer1/status/1193923516959059973
11 November 2019 : it immediately sounded antisemitic so i kept going with “to have equal representation in government but to disavow israel because they are legit fascist”
11 November 2019 : last night my coworker lamented that there aren’t enough catchy hanukkah tunes and instead of pointing out that most of the big christmas hits were written by jews i instead started singing “all i want for christmas.... is jews”
11 November 2019 : need someone to marry me real quick so i can get stolen https://twitter.com/alanalevinson/status/1193915878552694786
11 November 2019 : i’ve never wanted to be the wife harder than this look makes me wanna be the wife
11 November 2019 : you’ll get there. plans are better as guides than as requirements.
11 November 2019 : ideal
11 November 2019 : have you never watched norma rae
11 November 2019 : can it be @MilesKlee i hate his perfect brain
11 November 2019 : for any prospective sources reading this lux is a brilliant and empathetic writer and i personally am incredibly hyped to read this
11 November 2019 : me cryin https://twitter.com/sarahfor5/status/1192981551929348096
11 November 2019 : pic.twitter.com/WaFlWWIzgd
11 November 2019 : really puttin conde to shame comin out with one bigass union like it’s nothin.
11 November 2019 : only take i got re: hearst union is imagining bosses being in a huff over it, peekin my head in their offices n going “hearst, don’t it??” heh
11 November 2019 : truly
11 November 2019 : i somehow missed this but i’m glad you’re back!! it’s bonkers that being verified somehow is the only thing that makes these attacks not automatically work. like... i feel that shouldn’t be a verified-only feature.
11 November 2019 : the transplants are the ones who don’t do shit like that cuz they move here thinking new yorkers are mean so that’s how they act
11 November 2019 : think u meant to tag @chick_in_kiev at least once here
11 November 2019 : oh noooo
11 November 2019 : i have been informed that it is not the alcohol and in fact i need more
11 November 2019 : great. wonderful.
11 November 2019 : good/awful to know
11 November 2019 : am i more drunk than i realized or is this baffling nonsense that just shows how badly corporations and billionaires need to be destroyed because success within a capitalist system absolutely obliterates your brain
11 November 2019 : is this billionaire suggesting we should practice sympathy for a government that murdered a critic as an exercise in forgiving corporations for killing people because the deaths are caused by the same thing
11 November 2019 : is this billionaire suggesting that a self-driving car killing someone is the same as a government dismembering a journalist with a buzzsaw and poorly trying to cover it up with a body double because if so that sure saves me a lot of time trying to find the extremest metaphor https://twitter.com/bnonews/status/1193698590641860608
11 November 2019 : and they don’t realize what they’re doing!!!!!!!
11 November 2019 : personally i think scraping the bottom is just the tip of the iceberg here
11 November 2019 : this girl luvs2shit pic.twitter.com/wYhYIAeXyi
11 November 2019 : also i’m the master of getting this dog to shit. i’m like psychically linked to her butthole.
11 November 2019 : feeling sleepy? you can just leave and sleep in your bed in less than five minutes! zero commute!
11 November 2019 : i don’t know why gentrifiers hate befriending their neighbors. it’s the best. need a charger but your friend has a different phone? your charger is 20 feet away. want to drunkenly snack but don’t want to eat your friend’s food? your kitchen and your favorite snacks are all there.
11 November 2019 : i got drunk with my neighbor and we graffitied each other and then went to hang out with his dog and while we were all in the backyard i ran over to him, pointed at her, and whispered “she’s about to shit.” he did not believe and then she did the crouch. pic.twitter.com/Z1URlT1GWk
11 November 2019 : i don’t think they did but i don’t know!
11 November 2019 : owen i love you but i think you might be high
11 November 2019 : e x a c t l y
11 November 2019 : you, basic: “new yorkers are mean” a random new yorker, leaning out of his train car to yell to everyone exiting the train at 12:30am: hey! somebody left their food! it’s from juniors! another new yorker, leaving the train: it’s not mine but enjoy it! free cheesecake!
11 November 2019 : i love this theory from @TheMarkMcClure pic.twitter.com/Gzqm8Exdzl
11 November 2019 : the uneven caps is a risk but it’s gentle enough in font & message that it just works to keep eyes on it for a second longer than if the phrase were all caps or all lowercase
11 November 2019 : now THIS is good copy. pic.twitter.com/qpxBjpZo6p
10 November 2019 : and just in case you’d like to engage in a deeper conversation on this i’d like to let you know i’m about to head into work and i hope you don’t read my lack of response as deliberately ignoring you or blowing you off. 💗
10 November 2019 : i hear you and i understand where you’re coming from, but i can’t abide by the suggestion to ‘not all men’ a source of systemic oppression & violence.
10 November 2019 : hahahaahahhaah pic.twitter.com/eVZTzdV4Qh
10 November 2019 : all cops are bastards 🥰 #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : there are 6 ICE detention centers in new jersey. 5 of them are within a 30 mile radius of the convention center you’re reading this at. #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : vaccines work. #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : global warming is real. #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : the united states has concentration camps along our southern border #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : @ingrediments no and neither does delaware
10 November 2019 : andy ngo is a nazi #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : i saw you use one when you did that sourdough tutorial and i was like OH MY GOD
10 November 2019 : i love my pyrex set!! i also have quart containers (both from work and from food deliveries) that work great. have you ever used the beeswax wraps? i use saran for during-cooking vs storage so i don’t know if it’s a functional substitute
10 November 2019 : thanksgiving doesn’t exist
10 November 2019 : take a selfie with this tweet and tag me in it for a really meta time #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : sorry, did i say mentor? i meant marry.
10 November 2019 : doing some light reading before work & wondering what i gotta do to get @CiaoSamin to mentor me pic.twitter.com/O41aIor8vQ
10 November 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
10 November 2019 : we can hope!
10 November 2019 : i don’t know if they let pics through!
10 November 2019 : hahashahahshahahshaha pic.twitter.com/7GSjBZdSgr
10 November 2019 : it is november what tf are you DOING HERE #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : @SmokieIgnacio 🥰🥰🥰🥰
10 November 2019 : @Thats4Ent if you’re looking to hire someone with lots of attention to detail & social media knowledge so you don’t wind up with a disaster like #ChristmasCon2019 , my DMs are open
10 November 2019 : RT @SomeoneAwesome: They’re not reading the tweets before they put them on the screen. #ChristmasCon2019 https://t.co/1vfAkeSjeX
10 November 2019 : why pay $40 for a signature from someone who doesn’t care about you when you could give that money to me, a delightful menace ruining the tweet generator screen? paypal in bio, baby 😘 #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : this is my best work. pic.twitter.com/FmkNu2Kkv3
10 November 2019 : YESSSSSS
10 November 2019 : does this mean it showed my paypal link tweet too
10 November 2019 : this is the best
10 November 2019 : YESSSSSSSSSSS https://twitter.com/someoneawesome/status/1193585610864386048
10 November 2019 : i can’t see their reply 😩
10 November 2019 : nailed it is a much better show on mute :(
10 November 2019 : i am a writer and a copywriter and a line cook my clips are at http://taliajane.com please hire me #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : hello #christmascon2019 ! i am taking a huge shit
10 November 2019 : donald trump is a fascist white supremacist #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : exactly!
10 November 2019 : are any of you single and want to date me #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : it’s beautiful you just don’t get art
10 November 2019 : “you make me feel brave” she says after he teaches her how to use the new jersey transit system to get back to her Underfurnished Condo In Manhattan
10 November 2019 : omgggg nooooo
10 November 2019 : @CarolineMoss please tell me if any of these show up on the big screen
10 November 2019 : this is ron perlman from the 1987 tv series ‘beauty and the beast’ #ChristmasCon2019 pic.twitter.com/OS9AvsJRKe
10 November 2019 : #christmascon2019 send me five dollars my paypal is http://paypal.me/taliajane
10 November 2019 : 9/11 inside job #ChristmasCon2019
10 November 2019 : at #ChristmasCon2019. excited to vote for bernie sanders and make the minimum wage a living wage. burn every boss & billionaire at the stake! 💗
10 November 2019 : lmfaooooo
10 November 2019 : THEYRE SHARING TWEETS FROM THE CON WITHOUT SCREENING THEM??????? https://twitter.com/carolinemoss/status/1193568039943524359
10 November 2019 : lmaoooo I NEED TO BE THERE https://twitter.com/carolinemoss/status/1193573678371487749
10 November 2019 : this is honestly such a perfect opening setup for a christmas hallmark movie i’m screaming so hard. it’s a disaster and the female protagonist has the whole world falling on her and she’ll bump into some tall cologne model-type and yell at him and he’ll laugh and they get coffee
10 November 2019 : I WANNA BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DISASTER
10 November 2019 : i am furious i’m not at this oh my god this thread!!!!!!!!! https://twitter.com/carolinemoss/status/1193307805551407106
10 November 2019 : if it’s sunday, it’s meet the panini press pic.twitter.com/VDuJNUq4eD
10 November 2019 : the grill is tilted so oil goes toward one corner (you’ll notice every time i poured acv it went in the same direction) so i put the rags down and poured acv on them to force the liquid to sit on that spot, work a little longer on that space vs just evaporating
10 November 2019 : found this nice dresser on the street only to discover a perfect gentle prank. pic.twitter.com/3HjATxvDiE
10 November 2019 : we see each other at shift change and i know they appreciate when AM has left me with a lowboy full of backups. trouble is i’m so used to closing that when *i* work AM i’m just like WHO CLOSED LAST NIGHT??? and then forget to make backups.
10 November 2019 : oh i reread lol i am tired
10 November 2019 : what
10 November 2019 : the food would burn because it’d all get stuck, like scrambled eggs in an unoiled pan. the patina is what makes the surface workable.
10 November 2019 : @chumaito + our fat comes from canola, not animal proteins. to inhibit maillard on foods that just need heat, not particular sear, we oil the whole thing as soon as the grill is turned on to build up the patina.
10 November 2019 : the whole grill is the hot side. we maintain throughout the shift using the spats, not grill scraper. i typically don’t work hot line but even just covering hot line for half an hour it’ll get scraped & wiped down at least once.
10 November 2019 : i just saw a sponsored tweet saying that thanksgiving is almost here and i’m sorry but no it is not it is july as far as closeness to thanksgiving is concerned time is an illusion and thanksgiving is just a big stupid commercial
10 November 2019 : let’s not do this
10 November 2019 : i’m usually not the one cleaning the grill at closing but when i am i do the same thing! same with the fryer. i want that baby to *glow* and of course they don’t notice
10 November 2019 : i would prefer not
10 November 2019 : if you would like to consume food cooked on a grill that is repeatedly cleaned (vs maintained) throughout the day i hope you are prepared to get your stomach stuffed with charcoal because you poisoned yourself
10 November 2019 : this in particular has set me off. we constantly scrape down the grill during the shift. squirt water, scrape, squirt oil, wipe down with a rag. that is vastly different from cleaning the grill, which is a much lengthier process involving toxic chemicals. pic.twitter.com/M85NEeo1NA
10 November 2019 : it’s fun it’s like scraping a scab that never ends. i love the grill cleaner cuz it just bubbles all the gunk off & then you finish with lemon juice and it’s beautiful! but.
10 November 2019 : hi i am an adult working in a professional kitchen. i know how to do my job and the various works it entails. as such, i am not looking for advice, your input is not needed, and it is in fact pissing me off with its multifaceted condescension. thank you.
10 November 2019 : is this a joke? it’s a grill. it starts turning black as soon as it heats up.
10 November 2019 : we don’t have lime juice, and lemon or lime juice are less effective than ACV. plus, they caramelize to the hot grill so it may break down some buildup but it just adds it back again. acv inhibits & breaks down rust, which is why i used that in lieu of toxic degreased or white v
10 November 2019 : if i had another five gallons and two hours to kill i’m sure i could’ve gotten it all. i decided in lieu of that to scrape off a quarter inch of cooked-on black gunk from the bottom of a pan that we keep on the flattop every day, so at least i made one thing better
10 November 2019 : spent 25 minutes scrubbing and scraping and inhaling a gallon of apple cider vinegar steam just to make the grill *slightly* cleaner because we’re out of grill cleaner/grill bricks. this video was originally 16 minutes. don’t ever say minimum wage workers don’t work hard. pic.twitter.com/GxILHFwIWU
10 November 2019 : open 4 a surprise 💗 https://twitter.com/shawngarrett/status/1193374692523905026
10 November 2019 : 💗💗💗💗💗💗
10 November 2019 : 3 in 1 oil? ball bearings???
10 November 2019 : cereal is soup so yes
10 November 2019 : i wish i could tweet how good it smells outside tonight
10 November 2019 : cousin vinny would call it a yootbox
10 November 2019 : it’s so slow at work and we have no dishwasher so i am gunna have to do the dishes eventually but for now i just want to sit outside and smell the wintery fireplace air and dream of a future where i’m not terrified of falling down the cellar stairs and dying for minimum wage
10 November 2019 : this..... is a flex
10 November 2019 : all i want to know is how long until she finally redpills
10 November 2019 : the mind reels https://twitter.com/emmaroller/status/1192853596435554306
10 November 2019 : isn’t she a DREAMBOAT
10 November 2019 : remember the part where i said don’t respond
9 November 2019 : yes!
9 November 2019 : they will stand one step closer to the subway platform edge, for dominance, but freeze up once the doors open. they will push to stand in the exact middle of the doors at their stop and then freeze up until i try to push past them to get out, at which point they take a big stride
9 November 2019 : i can’t find them!
9 November 2019 : a cishet man will see me standing three feet from the curb waiting to jaywalk and he will take precisely 1 step further to see traffic better than me and then not walk until i take the first step.
9 November 2019 : when someone is taking a picture of someone else yet they are the one smiling. what’s up with that. why do we do that. don’t respond just be haunted by this the next time you see it happen, how you now can’t unsee it.
9 November 2019 : this LOOK!!!!!!!!!!
9 November 2019 : okay!!
9 November 2019 : it’s tragic
9 November 2019 : it’s november, scott.
9 November 2019 : JAMIE pic.twitter.com/hwPBbZq4uR
9 November 2019 : andy ngo seems about primed for a fresh milkshake soon. he must have burned through that 150k his fake injury got.
9 November 2019 : the only legit critique is there’s so much stuff that it’s a little overwhelming, but those things will carve out their own spaces and mesh together as the team settles in and get data on which parts of the site get the most traffic. it’s new!
9 November 2019 : teigen has the resources to have a company create a site from the ground up, but instead there’s personal touches all over and insets that can be moved around or removed. it’ll take time for the various aspects to blend together. feels on par with shondaland.
9 November 2019 : the site looks like one created on wordpress or some other template-based third party application instead of building a CMS from scratch, which lends to teigen’s hands-on authenticity persona. it looks like teigen made it herself — or mostly herself. that’s a plus.
9 November 2019 : this author’s central problem is that teigen’s site is neither the voiceless bon apetit-type website nor the overly voicey cooking personal blog. it’s a blend of the two, with plenty of room to grow & find its stride. https://twitter.com/misstanya/status/1193155852284387330
9 November 2019 : yeah it’s awful. and you need a sturdy one that won’t fray or fall apart on you!
9 November 2019 : exactly!
9 November 2019 : we’ve got one and never use it, but i am intrigued by the peeler 🤔
9 November 2019 : an update on this is he hasn’t used his 2-year old swell bottle in a few days and his lips are on the mend. unclear if it’s an infection clearing up on its own or if the bottle was the cause, or if the bottle just exacerbated a separate issue
9 November 2019 : i don’t have a knife guard for a paring knife so that one has to wait!
9 November 2019 : food handlers! but i’ll add my # somewhere too
9 November 2019 : also yes i look cool as hell walking around with my knife bag after work. it tells people: they’re not just devastatingly beautiful AND well-dressed. they are full of knives — and know how to use em.
9 November 2019 : we have a huge bottle of it at work!
9 November 2019 : ooo smart! and gauze pads!
9 November 2019 : i can’t do that until i have a knife guard for a paring knife but it’s on the list!
9 November 2019 : i finally got a knife bag. currently in it: honing steel, santoku, 8” chef, mini spat, bandaids, thermometer, sharpie, food handlers, neosporin, lotion. i can’t find my burn cream but we have a ton at work. what am i missing?
9 November 2019 : billionaires should be destitute. just because.
9 November 2019 : billionaires running for office should be forced to divest from 100% of their profits and donate all of their money and wealth to public schools in low income neighborhoods and then work a minimum wage job as their sole source of income for at least a year before they can file
9 November 2019 : billionaires running for office deserve a 100% tax rate so they are forced to find something better to do to offset their boredom
9 November 2019 : wood is wood is wood!
9 November 2019 : i didn’t get the job but at least i have this
9 November 2019 : after the oil soaks in i’ll apply the conditioner and let it sit another day. and then we’re off to the races!
9 November 2019 : here’s the board immediately after oiling. lots sitting *on* the board, but will soak in over the next day and soon she’ll be glowing golden and warm 🥰 pic.twitter.com/91rnDk8atl
9 November 2019 : never leave your wood board soaking in water or put in the dishwasher. if you use it daily, oil monthly. if not, oil as it gets ashy/pale — especially in the winter!
9 November 2019 : if you ever buy a wood grain cutting board, the FIRST thing you need to do is oil it (mineral oil or boos mystery oil) and let it sit for 24 hours. who knows how long it’s been drying out. washing it first thing practically guarantees the wood will split. oil first!! https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1193239502925565952
9 November 2019 : oh god it’s here and i am so soothed pic.twitter.com/b2IYulGsDO
9 November 2019 : can i volunteer
9 November 2019 : it’s real in our hearts
9 November 2019 : omgggg
9 November 2019 : gotta get that CRONCH
9 November 2019 : love getting a reply from an account that doesn’t follow me & is posting fascist rhetoric only to discover two whole countries know they are 100% nazi pic.twitter.com/SjcOuRlBr7
9 November 2019 : no fuck YOU i LIVE for the creamy crunch!
9 November 2019 : agreed
9 November 2019 : 😩😩😩
9 November 2019 : what i wanna know is how did andy manage to make himself a perfect drake meme ? even the colors match! pic.twitter.com/qN19kayUcn
9 November 2019 : the only good kind of nazi
9 November 2019 : ‘ok fascist’ > ‘ok boomer’
9 November 2019 : hahaha andy is incapable of not constantly posting incredible self-owns https://twitter.com/mrandyngo/status/1192970872166010880
9 November 2019 : three seconds earlier i was like “i’m kinda tempted to intervene....” and before i knew it i was pulling guys apart and couldn’t find lucy and then i turned around and saw her doing the same and i could hear the superhero music
9 November 2019 : 🙈🙈
9 November 2019 : lmao seriously why even be seven feet tall and work as a bouncer!!! why not just be a librarian!!
9 November 2019 : this i know. i just didn’t know the other thing
9 November 2019 : WHAT?????
9 November 2019 : i don’t work until 4pm so i am capping off the night giving off witch vibes while drinking water at the local and pretending the DJ is tolerable pic.twitter.com/F9vdqsm5DY
9 November 2019 : oh is this why i spontaneously squirted at work today https://twitter.com/mcspocky/status/1192951938884747264
9 November 2019 : nazis hate organizin for workers rights. they prefer organizing for worker whites. oop!
9 November 2019 : otherwise known as fate
9 November 2019 : an update pic.twitter.com/PyJOuB7tPa
9 November 2019 : i LOVE IT
9 November 2019 : lmao someone DMed me to say the person whose identity i blocked out is a known nazi & member of identity evropa aghaahhahaah
9 November 2019 : i love @SatansJacuzzi not only because she’s wonderful but because we broke up a huge fist fight by, simultaneously and individually, putting two guys in half nelsons while i yelled CALMATE, which she then wrote into my tattoo 🥰💕 pic.twitter.com/WXg2eiIPsw
9 November 2019 : sangita for the perfect pun!
9 November 2019 : you say that like poopiehead wouldn’t be fully within my brand???
9 November 2019 : let’s play nice we’re all having a fun time here!!
9 November 2019 : I LOVE YOU
9 November 2019 : i am merely doing a poor attempt at emulating you 🥰🥰🥰
9 November 2019 : it’s 35 degrees fahrenheit outside but 35 degrees celsius in my SHORTS
9 November 2019 : i’m just being honest out here!!!!
9 November 2019 : why am i so smart and hot but unemployable and single!!!! get it together, world!!!!
9 November 2019 : actually it’s a bodysuit so i had to really pull it *on* and a light breeze will cause it to shrivel up
9 November 2019 : just gotta do something about the face
9 November 2019 : great now i gotta die https://twitter.com/edward_carney/status/1192962498288390145
9 November 2019 : ugh
9 November 2019 : being five feet tall is mostly downsides but it sure gives me an extra mile to get away with dressing like a 17-year old
9 November 2019 : the face says “i told the whole class i wouldn’t accept any excuses for late papers. your essay was due tuesday. it’s now wednesday.” but the body says “im babby”
9 November 2019 : hyped to find out whether or not i’m too old to wear a flamin hot cheetos bodysuit in public!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/8SIkzn8CpP
9 November 2019 : hhahahahahahaahha
9 November 2019 : petition to make @milesklee change his bio back to “i’ll show you the wife of the mind” pic.twitter.com/qjdJy2QwLO
9 November 2019 : i have been wearing two pants and a hoodie at work plus my chef coat and apron and a rag wrapped around my neck and my coworkers laugh but i shan’t be cold! not even for one second! i shan’t!!!
8 November 2019 : so many people are sick right now because they think they can pass on scarfing up!!! protect ya neck!!!!!!
8 November 2019 : i’m honored and delighted to announce that people keep tagging me in things thinking i am @chick_in_kiev . i am blissing out on at last edging toward true irrelevance, wondering if i should change my name so that the One True Talia can stand mighty over my corpse.
8 November 2019 : oh fuck you with this!!!!!!!!!
8 November 2019 : they shared a screenshot from reddit and it definitely smells strange but no accusation should be taken lightly. i have trouble believing the iww would let this slide but systems fail us all the time
8 November 2019 : if you have experienced abuse from a FW & wish to see them banned from the IWW, i recommend emailing ghq @ http://iww.org or message me and i can find someone who will immediately and confidentially reach out to make sure the matter is handled without putting you at risk
8 November 2019 : it sucks shit that sexual abusers occupy leftist spaces and use their progressive ideology as an excuse to exercise behaviors antithetical to the movement. but that is a patriarchy/sexual abuser problem. neither the IWW nor the DSA facilitate or enable these behaviors.
8 November 2019 : fair warning to workers: this is a fucking bonkers allegation to levy on an entire org. the IWW frequently votes to remove members who commit violence, are secretly bosses/cops, or have a history of aligning with organizations that stand for everything the IWW is against. pic.twitter.com/G9qLRMh6kU
8 November 2019 : a few notes: - if you’re emailing at work, make sure you’re logged out of your GH email, turn wifi off, and send from your personal email address - share this tweet via text, not via gchat or internal comms - your identity will remain protected - i am merely facilitating comms
8 November 2019 : if any grubhub workers are interested in pursuing collective action & unionizing, please email me at taliajane@protonmail.com. i’m putting together an IWW team to help y’all out without putting any of you at risk. please include your name, your role, and location. ✊💗
8 November 2019 : hahahahahaha omg thank you
8 November 2019 : kenobi is super chonk
8 November 2019 : follow up: what’s the toddler equivalent to a cat large
8 November 2019 : what’s the toddler equivalent to an adult medium https://twitter.com/yashar/status/1192677497160306688
8 November 2019 : excited for the day the anti-billionaire rhetoric becomes anti-millionaire rhetoric
8 November 2019 : they were SO GOOD
8 November 2019 : lmao
8 November 2019 : 😩😩😩😩😩
8 November 2019 : omg!!!!!
8 November 2019 : holy hell!!!!
8 November 2019 : UGHHHHHHH
8 November 2019 : i haven’t caught even a whisper of it! just saw an ad on the side of a bus! i hope it’s better than that v sad film that was so bad not even evil nicole kidman could save it
8 November 2019 : when will— when lyra has to— when her daemon— oh my god
8 November 2019 : here i thought everyone was just making super niche golden compass references but no y’all don’t know. y’all don’t know the pain you’re in for.
8 November 2019 : i just realized everyone has been referencing philip pullman’s books recently not because enough time has elapsed since reading them as kids for nostalgia to set in but because there is a show on HBO called ‘his dark materials’ ?!?!
8 November 2019 : woah i’ll let him know!
8 November 2019 : love to post a troublesome thing just before my train goes in the underwater tunnel for five minutes without service; it is a miniature ‘has talia landed yet’
8 November 2019 : it’s her bhole. it fell off. https://twitter.com/megynkelly/status/1192643456927248384
8 November 2019 : oh my whole dang HEART just melted! i miss you too!! please get this arranged a month in advance so i can request that day off and HELLA BE THERE
8 November 2019 : if anyone at the @iww is interested in coordinating some direct action in solidarity with grubhub workers, feel free to DM or email.
8 November 2019 : i’m hearing a lot of interesting information from GH workers about how deeply insidious this company is. again, you can email me securely taliajane@protonmail.com or slide into my DMs. your identity/specifics will be protected.
8 November 2019 : um hell yes
8 November 2019 : SHEconomy oh my fjjsjsjwhdjsowhfnakw
8 November 2019 : ‘this is the only car that’s crowded because the stairs are right here but this train isn’t leaving for another 14 minutes so you have time to move’ [car empties]
8 November 2019 : HAHAHA THE LADY JUST BROKE IT TO THEM AND EVERYONE SUCKED THEIR TEETH AND FLED
8 November 2019 : nobody except for three of us on this train knows that it’s not leaving for another 20 minutes and i’m almost giddy waiting for the letdown to hit
8 November 2019 : i 💗 nyc pic.twitter.com/YbqzNVJmSD
8 November 2019 : everyone looks so cute in their fall outfits!!!!!
8 November 2019 : just remembered how people get tattoos of things loved ones wrote them and almost burst out laughing at the thought of someone getting a tattoo of a text screenshot from their gramma that says “i love you honey bunny 🥰💕😘😘” i want to get this now oh no
7 November 2019 : lmao
7 November 2019 : i love it
7 November 2019 : it’s like that good luck chuck movie but without the latent misogynoir and also has nothing to do with sex. i don’t need to sleep with you i just need to get a crush on you. it’d be better if i could get laid in the process but.
7 November 2019 : it’s my gramma’s!
7 November 2019 : i have a magic ability where if i get a crush on someone they have some big life realization that makes them run very far from me and it’s gotten to the point i’m considering charging people to get a crush on them so they can go emotionally mature with someone else
7 November 2019 : lmao jesus christ the shade
7 November 2019 : CUT TO: beto, screaming at the sky
7 November 2019 : with a twist pic.twitter.com/wItsrcr3Cx
7 November 2019 : i’m cosplaying as an adult who has their shit together lol pic.twitter.com/X3S0ssop3o
7 November 2019 : having dinner with my aunt tonight. trying to decide on an appropriate outfit. feeling very tempted. pic.twitter.com/OsP5nHhIQ7
7 November 2019 : i suggested he put honey on his lips!
7 November 2019 : maybe! he uses a swell bottle constantly so that could be it
7 November 2019 : good 💗 the offer still stands. i deliberately buy shelf-stable stuff when i have money to keep me fed when i don’t.
7 November 2019 : lol man i feel this so hard. i wish i had anything to set aside! i can’t help you monetarily but i will happily make sure you’re fed.
7 November 2019 : oh fuck
7 November 2019 : incredible! i am sharing everyone’s ideas with him as they happen and yours made us both go like ‘huh!!!’
7 November 2019 : ooo that’s an interesting suggestion!!
7 November 2019 : this is the first time!
7 November 2019 : he says he drinks an average of 50-75oz of water a day
7 November 2019 : plus: itching improves after taking an allegra. likely not sun or cold-related. his mother has been having a chronic sort of weirdness, claims she can ‘smell’ the infection in her lips? but he’s not at that point & doesn’t think it’s related.
7 November 2019 : ok medical twitter: my friend has been dealing with the following symptoms since saturday: lips not swollen but extremely chapped, feel like wood. no external applications (blistex, chapstick) improve. cracking. itchy around lips. his diet is unchanged and no known allergy cause
7 November 2019 : oh gee i’m so glad this terf account was found in violation of twitter rules and... is still up and active pic.twitter.com/LdzHpGvJiy
7 November 2019 : i’ll do better next time
7 November 2019 : so extra
7 November 2019 : *looks at your avi* you don’t need other people you got that shit down
7 November 2019 : my neighbor gave me coffee and i got his dog to poop in the backyard again and then i hung out with the chickens and the stray cat and a bumblebee and none of them wanted some coffee pic.twitter.com/7IyLfxvFQm
7 November 2019 : and we love you 🥰
7 November 2019 : this is a struggle but ultimately pic.twitter.com/0vX0mpGzGV
7 November 2019 : exactly
7 November 2019 : its pretty rude that the person who wrote this has a job but cannot be bothered to like.... do it well?
7 November 2019 : these replies are showing me that a lot of people are incredibly good at finding their angles even when someone else is taking the picture?!!?! incredible
7 November 2019 : holy fuck
7 November 2019 : absolutely
7 November 2019 : a system that allows a person like keith richman to callously put out of work tons of people just to quickly boost profits is a system that ought to be destroyed. grubhub leadership is complicit.
7 November 2019 : i still can’t get over the fact keith richman shuttered DEFY MEDIA and to celebrate the 1-year anniversary of putting all those creators out of work, he laid off a ton of low wage workers at grubhub.
7 November 2019 : good afternoon ONLY to former & current grubhub workers who are pissed off at keith richman & want to agitate for workers rights. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1192281064137510912
7 November 2019 : love this energy for us
7 November 2019 : oop brilliant minds
7 November 2019 : just post 4 selfies
7 November 2019 : tis almost as rewarding and satisfying as a high caliber bm
7 November 2019 : keeping anonymity but including that it wasn’t just customer support that was laid off. other departments with low wage workers were affected too. i’m sure the engineers and their 6-figure salaries were left untouched, though.
7 November 2019 : maybe they got linked up with a supervisor, or the person you connected with is too new and wasn’t sure what to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
7 November 2019 : hell yes!!!!
7 November 2019 : hmm let me ask!
7 November 2019 : 💗💗💗
7 November 2019 : you need to contact customer support to request account deletion. simply deleting the app doesn’t remove your info or membership from their service.
7 November 2019 : you gotta reach out to customer support & request account deletion. removing the app doesn’t do anything!
7 November 2019 : 89% of the petition signature needs. darwin risks being deported *TODAY*. take THREE SECONDS to give a damn. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1191921506269507590
7 November 2019 : this is great but you gotta contact customer support to request account deletion! tell em that whiny bitch talia sent you 💋 https://twitter.com/ichibut/status/1192305824007368704
7 November 2019 : united we bargain. divided we beg. FUCK keith richman and FUCK grubhub brass. the company makes a BILLION DOLLARS in revenue and pulls shit like this. don’t give them your money! they don’t care about you. they don’t care about us. solidarity with grubhub workers ✊✊✊
7 November 2019 : the delivery drivers for these companies have long been getting underpaid with limited protections. the whole industry is built on superficially depressing wages, worker exploitation, & union busting. the only way things improve is if WE cut off their air supply & demand changes.
7 November 2019 : workers at GRUBHUB and its subsidiaries are overworked and underpaid and on TOP OF THAT, grubhub brought on keith richman: a guy whose only skill is putting workers out of work. boycott grubhub. boycott seamless, eat24, levelup, tapingo, and bitegrabber.
7 November 2019 : GRUBHUB’s MO has been to buy out competitors (eat24, levelup, tapingo, seamless) to increase their profit margins. all of those companies had their own support staffs. while they still run as separate apps, the customer support department runs as a single unit.
7 November 2019 : hi cole! i recommend reaching out to @Kate_H_Taylor if you’d like to speak out on record about your experiences. let your fellow workers know kate is down to share their experiences anonymously or on-record, too. you & your fellow workers are fully protected against retaliation!
7 November 2019 : keith’s absolute abuse of workers for his personal enrichment shows just how much you can get away with in capitalism. fuck this guy and fuck everyone who runs to twitter to complain about customer service knowing full well they have non-public avenues for resolution pic.twitter.com/CUWhp3UiUW
7 November 2019 : @iww @iwwnyc asking for solidarity with grubhub workers/signal boost to get folks to deactivate in protest against keith richman and all the rich men
7 November 2019 : ✊✊✊
7 November 2019 : hahaha it REALLY does omg
7 November 2019 : these workers deal with you when you get too high and fall asleep before your order arrives, when your food shows up cold, when you pluck a hair out of your head and place it on your half-eaten chicken wings to try getting a refund because the wings sucked
7 November 2019 : back to KEITH RICHMAN, jesus christ what a cursed name, he laid off everyone at DEFY MEDIA a year ago and celebrated the anniversary by laying off a ton of @Grubhub support staff. these are the underpaid laborers who get your silly complaints fixed & keep restaurants running! pic.twitter.com/jHipsxrBdb
7 November 2019 : let’s get married
7 November 2019 : the beauty of having worked at eat24 is i know there’s a real person at a computer who reads these texts and because it’s almost 8pm on a wednesday night they’re running a full crew (until ~10p) and word of this will spread very quickly if we all reach out right now to deactivate pic.twitter.com/Z5ABTfGmop
7 November 2019 : i am so glad for you
7 November 2019 : you can also securely email me at taliajane@protonmail.com and i can pass along your experiences to kate fully anonymized. you are protected against retaliation BY LAW to speak out and reporters are protected against revealing their sources.
7 November 2019 : if any current or former grubhub employees wish to talk, my DMs are open. i also encourage you to reach out to @Kate_H_Taylor , a reporter who will provide you absolute anonymity and can bring your voice to the forefront.
7 November 2019 : Keith Richman’s MO is to acquire companies (like DEFY Media, Grubhub) and then lay off a ton of workers to quickly increase profit margins. For @Grubhub to let this happen is a clear sign that they do not care about their workers if it means making an extra buck. #deletegrubhub
7 November 2019 : pic.twitter.com/tPUGq2xh4U
7 November 2019 : fuck keith richman, fuck @Grubhub . solidarity with the workers getting laid off just to line the pockets of rich chodes. agitate. protest. organize. unionize. @iww https://twitter.com/gone2_fly/status/1192279431856869376
7 November 2019 : a former coworker just told me that grubhub laid off a ton of customer support staff yesterday. they recently bought out eat24 to eliminate competition and then laid off their workers?? fuck that. solidarity with grubhub’s workers, past & present ✊ pic.twitter.com/4X70SUYLjD
7 November 2019 : ✊💗
7 November 2019 : its lasted about that long but hasn’t impeded me much, just i turn my head or do something and i’m like ‘woah’
7 November 2019 : here’s the link https://act.dreamactivist.org/petitions/MjU
7 November 2019 : ✊
7 November 2019 : i am predicting it is a stress response because i have to pay rent and i haven’t been getting paid enough to get by *and* i didn’t get a job i was hoping for that would get me through it
7 November 2019 : we’re still 335 short. do i need to personally call all of your mothers and get them to shame you in that way only they know how? there’s 28 thousand of you. get it together. https://twitter.com/holyfool85/status/1192248187496456192
7 November 2019 : dizzy spells that come out of nowhere and only last for a few seconds but happen frequently enough to leave me feeling super unsteady at all times? we love that for me.
7 November 2019 : i don’t know but i know they raise awareness for a situation which leads to amplified pressure to address it and the petitions themselves put a concrete number on how many people are invested and keeping track and demanding accountability
7 November 2019 : thank you 💗
7 November 2019 : it never is.
7 November 2019 : how
7 November 2019 : do y’all realize i can see your apathy pic.twitter.com/yDi5iJFIiz
7 November 2019 : wow. still hasn’t even hit 2k. nice to see y’all are down for the sassy jokes skewering cops & billionaires but can’t be bothered to actually do something.
7 November 2019 : someone baking vanilla to make their home smell friendly when it is actually a pile of hate
6 November 2019 : it’s a lie :(
6 November 2019 : actually i hate feet too much. can i dm my resume instead?
6 November 2019 : oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/1192223929269542912
6 November 2019 : oh my god!!!!! how can i contribute to this who can i send a resume to whose toes i gotta suck
6 November 2019 : this is the wettest an old cishet white guy will ever make me https://twitter.com/cnn/status/1192151774074933248
6 November 2019 : just put more fritos in
6 November 2019 : the burritos are where the real buck bang is at though. a cheesy rollup is the same price as a beefy fritos burrito.
6 November 2019 : i already do that, but for me it’s when i’m looking at the taco bell value menu knowing i’ve got $10 to last me until the end of the week https://twitter.com/normd16/status/1192220848880525313
6 November 2019 : it is
6 November 2019 : he’d still be a billionaire. https://twitter.com/teddyschleifer/status/1192188119417704448
6 November 2019 : i love you
6 November 2019 : wow
6 November 2019 : everyone is posting about their therapists today what the hell is going on
6 November 2019 : i’m so glad for it
6 November 2019 : anyway i’m glad more people are saying these things over and over and over again and i hope it results in legitimate change but in the meantime i would like to stop being disparaged as an entitled millennial and instead he disparaged as an entitled millennial ahead of her time
6 November 2019 : a saucy little kicker pic.twitter.com/eVdCk1AgQl
6 November 2019 : yikes
6 November 2019 : apologies for the random highlights that’s from other people and i don’t know how to view it without
6 November 2019 : how stagnant wages hold people back from meeting cultural milestones and how gentrification forces low income workers to uproot themselves from their communities in pursuit of something where the minimum wage can be a living wage pic.twitter.com/hvgYFAyPt4
6 November 2019 : how benefits & perks are not adequate substitute for a living wage pic.twitter.com/xT8xXEorzA
6 November 2019 : how higher wages relates to employee retention and reduces costs pic.twitter.com/yl5t9v8mBu
6 November 2019 : just casually referencing rent burden data as it relates to stagnant wages pic.twitter.com/0Yl3LL7lLF
6 November 2019 : correct
6 November 2019 : just doing a little rereading and marveling at how obvious this all sounds now https://link.medium.com/QtSjG8sdp1
6 November 2019 : “did you write 9/11 shit on the label???” “yeah it was either that or pearl harbor but i couldn’t remember if that was december 5th or 7th” “oh my god”
6 November 2019 : :(
6 November 2019 : the other day my coworker was going over their remaining prep before leaving & they said for something cooling “it just needs a date and shit” so i put a piece of tape on the cambro and wrote “9/11 shit” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
6 November 2019 : “does that mean we get our linen delivery on tuesdays?” “no i’m pretty sure they just show up whenever” “yeah you have to request the delivery date, it’s not static” “huh” “i can’t believe it’s wednesday already” “yeah that’s wild”
6 November 2019 : every time!!!
6 November 2019 : “yeah, it’s tuesday cuz yesterday we got the linen delivery and we get the linen delivery on mondays.” “i thought they just come whenever” “no i’m pretty sure it’s mondays” “guys it’s wednesday” “what” “no way” “are you sure” “yeah i just pulled out my phone it’s wednesday” “wow”
6 November 2019 : working in kitchens means you ask “what’s today” everyone will immediately respond “11/6” and when you ask “no what’s the DAY” they’ll go uhhhh i dunno. tuesday?
6 November 2019 : YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
6 November 2019 : it’s scary how well your nonsense slips in
6 November 2019 : ugh
6 November 2019 : holy shit this stuff is so good i want some for me. that french fry cross body phone thing??? the leviathan???? gag meeeeee
6 November 2019 : omg someone buy emma In Cold Blood it’s so good i sobbed for half an hour after i finished it https://twitter.com/def_not_emmi/status/1192187332625141760
6 November 2019 : if it were on substack or patreon i wouldn’t charge for it. it’d be free to read, you’d just get an email notification that it’s live. i don’t have the energy to pitch this anywhere.
6 November 2019 : do it and send it to me knowing you’re helping break down an arbitrary social norm wherein photos of shifting is gross
6 November 2019 : i need to write out a facet of my depression with regards to window shopping & the psychological toll of being a blue collar worker. i created a substack ages ago that i haven’t updated. would you prefer to read it there/as an email or on medium? should i dust off my patreon?
6 November 2019 : she’s been scared of the backyard because the other apartment that shares the yard (and which built/planted all the fancy stuff in it) has a big insane dog and also six chickens (?!?!) so she won’t go out on her own but somehow i can get her to go out and pee/poo
6 November 2019 : being lazy as praxis
6 November 2019 : true
6 November 2019 : i was inspired by a post from oprah that made me jealous because i’m in a bad mood
6 November 2019 : my brand is strong and pure pic.twitter.com/EJPMfVh36F
6 November 2019 : unfortunately i just had the thought “posting photos of bouquets you’ve bought or received is a subtle classist flex” and it tracks. they’re a purely symbolic gift that says ‘i can afford to burn money’ or ‘someone rich loves me’ lmao i’m so cranky this is so stupid
6 November 2019 : i think we all did a good job and are better for having tried our best together
6 November 2019 : darwin gets deported tomorrow and the petition to save him hasn’t even gotten 2000 signatures. it takes five seconds. click sign & share like it’s your best friend’s life at stake. an injury to one is an injury to all. https://act.dreamactivist.org/petitions/MjU
6 November 2019 : @BilldeBlasio all cops are bastards and so are you, bitch.
6 November 2019 : T.I. is short for UTI
6 November 2019 : throw water at every cop you see in protest against this fascist pearlclutching https://twitter.com/jangelooff/status/1192174300964540418
6 November 2019 : lot of fake/burner emails (smart!) but also a not insignificant number of real emails showing folks real names lol
6 November 2019 : lol https://twitter.com/jake_hanrahan/status/1192094120493359105
6 November 2019 : did you mean to tag @chick_in_kiev ? lol
6 November 2019 : i didn’t have a lot of access to music so it was whatever i could find on the clock radio in our hick town. country or classic rock or top 40. just have to really let the shania twain take on a somber, angry tone
6 November 2019 : the hymen should be called the hywomen
6 November 2019 : it’s the only way you’ll know who the vampires are https://twitter.com/lifehacker/status/1192133513614626817
6 November 2019 : i’m gunna mope even harder now just to compensate
6 November 2019 : i wanna be sad without knowing it’ll pass i wanna be a melancholic teen whose whole world is ending because a guy in the hallway didn’t smile when we accidentally made eye contact
6 November 2019 : i hate it. i wanna just be fully immersed and really live ‘in the moment’
6 November 2019 : i’m deep in a “life just isn’t gunna work out for me” phase which i know will lead to a “i am the master of my fate and i refuse to give up!” phase but something about knowing it’s just a phase makes the obligatory moping & submergence into my sadness feel... superficial
6 November 2019 : oh i can’t get that job
6 November 2019 : i’m serious
6 November 2019 : what’s the job and are they hiring
6 November 2019 : you would be better off shoving your face over the opening of a volcano made of turds and open your mouth, claire
6 November 2019 : circle back another time and i’ll be better at having a conversation and learning but today i am not up for it
6 November 2019 : frankly i feel like shit today and don’t have the mental energy to extend myself beyond what i already said and i am feeling very angrily combative where i want to say “no i will nor reconsider!” but it’s because i don’t have the capacity to give a shit today.
6 November 2019 : check your dms i am ready to empower you
6 November 2019 : this story. wow. i’m gobschmacked.
6 November 2019 : woah
6 November 2019 : oh i would never assume you did this
6 November 2019 : the colors in your home are wonderful
6 November 2019 : i mean yes it’s bad they make decisions based on whether or not it’s an election year but unfortunately removing the electability process would result in a much worse system where powerful people put on courts whoever will do their bidding. what we need is an election every year
6 November 2019 : i have
6 November 2019 : your words are silly but they mean a lot
6 November 2019 : i bet you can
6 November 2019 : am i even aging or am i just getting chunkier
6 November 2019 : i have not
6 November 2019 : i’m a big sad baby who will work minimum wage jobs until i die but at least i’ll know all about the chemical components & processing of different types of salt
6 November 2019 : another thing in that vein: i am on medicaid & every appt requires endless follow ups, knowing they’ll just bill the state & wring extra cash out while delaying my treatment. with m4a, private healthcare providers would be unable to disproportionately abuse the system
6 November 2019 : i am reading this instead of thinking about my life pic.twitter.com/VlEvBXsP8G
6 November 2019 : i would love to go to the doctor half as much as these chuds fear i will
6 November 2019 : we can’t let the poors become TOO healthy!!!!! https://twitter.com/wsj/status/1192090535059771392
6 November 2019 : our election system is so terrifyingly fragile that i can’t help but assume anything positive happening is because putin and trump are having a big emotional fight. dem wins are like putin posting flaming hot selfies with captions like ‘...if you can’t handle me at my worst...’
6 November 2019 : i’m not suggesting russia un-stole democracy tonight i’m just saying it’d be pretty funny if the dem wins were cuz putin got mad at trump and decided to go jealous partner about it by showing trump what he’d be missing if he broke up with putin’s plans for world domination
6 November 2019 : if anyone would like to fly me out to LA to give me copious notes and help me formulate a pitch and use all their connections to get me farther than my skills could possibly merit because i actually wrote something legitimate that cracked the world wide open, slide into them DMs
6 November 2019 : she really thinks she’s the victor because she hooked up with a secret hollywood republican in exchange for meetings & a ton of notes and she *still* couldn’t create something airable, while i’ve been busting my ass just to survive & waiting for the shit i said to go mainstream
6 November 2019 : my nemesis wrote an unhinged diatribe about how she was handed a job, talked shit about her customers, and then claimed she’s never been handed anything and has only ever been nice, which somehow resulted in her selling an (unproduced) tv show & getting everything she wants ????
6 November 2019 : imagine ever taking anything this site publishes seriously lmao pic.twitter.com/fnj0Q1Hpld
6 November 2019 : i’m gunna guess just this one. what i wanna know is how he folded it up again after eating the insides
6 November 2019 : thank you! turns out i don’t have the capacity to make that a decent gif.
6 November 2019 : actually it sounds like she’s saying *when* did you eat them and then asking how many? i dunno
6 November 2019 : can someone help me find the video of the baby that is crying and saying “i’m not crying. i’m happy” i need to make it a gif so i can write the caption “me reading keanu’s relationship news” and it can get 6 likes
6 November 2019 : YEET https://twitter.com/politvidchannel/status/1191931040052502528
6 November 2019 : she earned it
6 November 2019 : a very general translation: the mom tells rocky to sit. why are you eating the tamales. they’re not for you. (something i don’t understand). give me the tamale. drop it. where is the inside? look. where is it. you ate it? how many tamales did you eat?
6 November 2019 : lmao incredible maneuver
6 November 2019 : they would be private/password protected so you have to contact me to read them
6 November 2019 : preach it sis
6 November 2019 : lmfao when she opens it and it’s empty & she’s like “where is it?? where is it???? how many tamales did you eat?!?” oh my godddd https://twitter.com/arisbae__/status/1191470829072203781
6 November 2019 : bout to play checkers on that outfit
6 November 2019 : thinking about adding a section to my portfolio that includes links to packets & edit tests i’ve done because i’m too tired to stress out over new ones when i’ve got all these perfectly good ones just rotting away
6 November 2019 : mmm what does cardamom even smell like? i swear i’ve only ever smelled it alongside vanilla
6 November 2019 : i’m making it a thing
6 November 2019 : thanks i was 17 in the first pic
6 November 2019 : ugh why does it all suck so much
6 November 2019 : i can see tweet activity and i know how many people actually click the link. so. let me make it easy for you: you input your email and your zip code. your name and phone number are optional. let’s see some solidarity! folks in louisiana, the link includes direct action efforts.
6 November 2019 : shoutout to grlcvlt on instagram for pushing this story so hard but the response has been seriously lacking! #FreeDarwin #AbolishICE pic.twitter.com/CsVqWV4CcX
6 November 2019 : an LGBTQ+ activist is being illegally held by ICE in Louisiana after seeking asylum from Honduras. he has TWO DAYS to get parole or face deportation. signal boost & sign the petition & help #FreeDarwin !!! https://act.dreamactivist.org/petitions/MjU
6 November 2019 : i didn’t even know what i was doing! i just remember being very scared of doing anything too much cuz i didn’t wanna look back on the pic and be like YIKES
6 November 2019 : 2007 vs 2019 with makeup vs without lmfao pic.twitter.com/ZTOysMLr5R
6 November 2019 : right??? i remember i had to take the photo after school so i went home & applied a shiny green eyeshadow, a little mascara, and some carmex. put my hair in a bun and then let it out once i got back to give the ends a little flip.
6 November 2019 : here’s my hair. at the time it was mostly straight unless i’d had it in a bun https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1191913579626270721?s=21
6 November 2019 : in just a few short years this beautiful gal will gain 60 pounds and destroy the whole world pic.twitter.com/fTnENeyFDN
6 November 2019 : oh man
6 November 2019 : i asked my gramma to send a photo of me from 2007 to show how i did my hair in 2007 and instead i’m crying pic.twitter.com/En6Y6qs0lM
6 November 2019 : what were you modeling here
6 November 2019 : the bracelet around your bicep omfg
6 November 2019 : my god
6 November 2019 : you know how else you grow out bangs is part them on the side
6 November 2019 : mid shoulder fairly straight with slight side bang. just hangin out. zero maintenance.
6 November 2019 : it was being timeless
6 November 2019 : oooooh hell no
6 November 2019 : it’s cishet femme
6 November 2019 : this hairstyle is the perimenopause of the “i want to speak to the manager” haircut and i shall be having NONE OF IT https://twitter.com/taylorlorenz/status/1191757611944816643
6 November 2019 : absolutely not!!!!!
6 November 2019 : i’m lonely
6 November 2019 : hand dog so they can pet me back https://twitter.com/faineg/status/1191900093697409025
6 November 2019 : YEET https://twitter.com/mattmfm/status/1191898209351819264
6 November 2019 : STEP ONE BECOME EXPLOITED LMAO
6 November 2019 : me as g/o editorial director: let’s do a week on shitting. every site, just one piece about shitting will suffice. whatever angle you need to fit your voice. let’s engage the asses.
6 November 2019 : how do i apply for this position https://twitter.com/thedailybeast/status/1191763399832674304
6 November 2019 : i’m so glad they’re using these stickers instead of the ones that look like a butt pooping
6 November 2019 : yoinks
6 November 2019 : clean your dicks bro wtf
6 November 2019 : you know you’re old when you found out the kids were using ok boomer as an insult because you read an article about it and thought ‘damn that’s good’ let’s not fool ourselves here ok zoomer
6 November 2019 : ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer ok boomer
6 November 2019 : hatchi matchi!!!!
6 November 2019 : as always, queer femmes are strongly encouraged to slide into my dms and then we fall in love.
6 November 2019 : can we please trade places ugh
6 November 2019 : LMFAO DESI
6 November 2019 : my kitchen is v small and v gender diverse so there’s little room for dick jokes but lotta puns about kale!
6 November 2019 : YEET https://twitter.com/redistrict/status/1191886701410627584
6 November 2019 : i saw your reply to this tweet but according to the tweet there’s another reply as well
6 November 2019 : twitter app does not wanna show replies in the notifications tab anymore! gotta manually check a tweet to catch the @‘s! what on earth could they possibly be cooking up that’s causing this!!
6 November 2019 : even though every use of chef in our kitchen has always been done sarcastically cuz none of us are chefs lol
6 November 2019 : legit beaming at this
6 November 2019 : it’s my favorite
6 November 2019 : you did it!
6 November 2019 : you live in florida. need a lot more than artificial scents for that.
6 November 2019 : agreed. meyer basil-scented hand soap/lotion/candle is weirdly very similar to petrichor!
6 November 2019 : how to make your home smell like fall in 2 easy steps: step 1: check the calendar. is it fall? step 2: if yes, open a window.
6 November 2019 : when did cinnamon become the official scent of fall and why hasn’t anyone written an article titled “how did cinnamon become the official scent of fall” but everyone has written “how to make your home smell like fall” pic.twitter.com/GTJJ9BFqwq
6 November 2019 : this cat would cuddle with me all night and then in the morning text me “i’m not looking for anything serious right now” and leave me wondering if i’m just extremely bad at cuddling or i’m so good at it that it made them scared
6 November 2019 : the only “unskilled” labor that exists is the labor that is done by billionaires and 1%ers who were handed a high-power job via nepotism. https://twitter.com/weswedding/status/1191881129684389888
6 November 2019 : do you know how much skill it takes to get that level of flow down? so no one is waiting on you and you’re not waiting on anyone but you still have stuff to work on and everything hits at the exactly right time? fuck, man. i nailed it.
6 November 2019 : if you keep them in the fridge that will also help
6 November 2019 : i oven roasted toppings while grilling veg for a sauce while chopping veg for pickling, then mised the grilled veg/sauce, finished the roasting in time for my coworker to parcook their prep and by the time i needed to make brine the stove/pot were free & i had finished chopping
6 November 2019 : ohhh i usually tear up and then after i get a little headache cuz my sinuses get congested, but keeping the knife sharp has helped tremendously
6 November 2019 : i’m lowkey feeling very proud that previously my manager told me i get into too many tasks at once and then i started today by doing four prep tasks simultaneously so that each got done in even succession without overloading the workspace or impeding anyone else’s prep progress
6 November 2019 : hahahaha
6 November 2019 : did like everyone secretly read these books as a kid and only now have we collectively begun working up the courage to make joke references to them
6 November 2019 : by like quart 12 is when i started to be like “holy shit this onion is gorgeous i gotta take a pic” and that’s when i knew i’d been chopping onions too long
6 November 2019 : no? what is it
6 November 2019 : i mean come on pic.twitter.com/6S3XBVczeU
6 November 2019 : also look at these fuckin model-gorgeous onions i mean WHAT pic.twitter.com/cB0f2JAmgq
6 November 2019 : yo voté, bitch
6 November 2019 : today i chopped 18 quarts of onions and 8 quarts of jalapeños and i didn’t cough or tear up even once because i used a honing steel before i started the jalapeños and again before i got into the onions. or it’s because i’m too powerful and no mere vegetable can bring me down.
6 November 2019 : i would prefer that when judges are included on ballots that you’re given an explainer about their record and previous work the same way props are given for/against arguments alongside them in the california voting system so you don’t have to google in the booth but.
6 November 2019 : it’s worth noting that justices don’t have party affiliation which is why they’re listed under every party that’s running on the ballot but it’s still very confusing and weird. also you don’t have to vote for any of them. or just one or two or all, if you want.
6 November 2019 : an iconic role
6 November 2019 : pic.twitter.com/cKZTeHWMMt
6 November 2019 : ron perlman in beauty & the beast live action!!
5 November 2019 : pic.twitter.com/y1ZS2jTJ8n
5 November 2019 : i don’t know about you but i love voting for jumaane williams for public advocate
5 November 2019 : lol nope
5 November 2019 : this cat looks like how medieval painters painted cats by just giving them a human face https://twitter.com/goulcher/status/1191372085668524033
5 November 2019 : we stan a storage addict
5 November 2019 : ugh i stan a level king
5 November 2019 : it’s a shame his name is miles though but
5 November 2019 : they run on every ticket because they’re judges and they don’t have parties
5 November 2019 : apparently since they’re judges they don’t have party affiliation so they’re listed under... all of them?
5 November 2019 : to think it all started with a dick pic
5 November 2019 : i’m so glad miles exists to write the only thing anyone needs to read about anything, at any given moment, every single day https://twitter.com/milesklee/status/1191856188612153344
5 November 2019 : i’m here with you on it bud
5 November 2019 : how’d you get through it
5 November 2019 : 😏😏 you know
5 November 2019 : i voted for esther & rosemarie
5 November 2019 : i got pretty far for this one that seemed like a slam dunk so i let myself think about the commute. but i save the ‘learn the local environment’ stuff for after. do a lil after work exploring.
5 November 2019 : ya you are
5 November 2019 : i guess????
5 November 2019 : when they say you get used to rejection what they mean is this mourning process stops making you burst out in tears or buckle lol
5 November 2019 : it’s a yeet on all 5 props babbyyyyy pic.twitter.com/L4RgXRyq6j
5 November 2019 : what the heck pic.twitter.com/sK95Yzrq39
5 November 2019 : i haven’t even voted yet and they already gave me 3 stickers #VoteNYC pic.twitter.com/e8Jd3df2py
5 November 2019 : these tiny hopes i forgot i created will, for the next few weeks, sporadically crop up and then be dashed. death by a thousand cuts.
5 November 2019 : it is being appropriately appreciated josh watch your mouth
5 November 2019 : for example, i had very gently compiled for myself the excitement of which book i’d start reading on my new, longer commute. and while thinking on the excitement of reading on the train in the future, i remembered that commute won’t be happening. because i didn’t get the job.
5 November 2019 : hard part about not getting a job you’d be perfect for, after all the usual stuff, is when you remember a little plan you made for when you got the job and the tiny deflation that comes from remembering that plan won’t happen.
5 November 2019 : lmao
5 November 2019 : i love house D and car D and bus stop D and
5 November 2019 : you said House D’s lol like penises for the home https://twitter.com/lindseygrahamsc/status/1182011592139038722
5 November 2019 : omggg rip your mentions
5 November 2019 : i am too!!! she’s been so afraid of the backyard that she’s only peed in it a handful of times. so this is major!!!
5 November 2019 : lmao
5 November 2019 : the halloween equivalent of christmas trees on dec. 26th pic.twitter.com/MczgpcDJvx
5 November 2019 : likely not lol but thank you!
5 November 2019 : pic.twitter.com/Dfcwri48j6
5 November 2019 : the most thrilling thing to happen to me all week is watching, and photographing, someone else’s dog take a dump.
5 November 2019 : when we came back in she ran over to him very proudly and he was like meh so i told him to check his phone and he did and then he said “OH MY GOD!!!”
5 November 2019 : yesterday i got my neighbor’s dog to shit in the backyard for the first time and it was so exciting but i didn’t want to scare her off it so i took a picture to send to my neighbor, who was inside at the time. and now i just have on my phone a photo of a dog shitting.
5 November 2019 : gotta tell us!!!
5 November 2019 : you’ve helped me learn about potential jobs, given feedback on my work to help me grow, defended me against harassment, and reassured me that it’ll get better. i want to succeed and find stability as much for myself as for you, and i don’t want to let you down.
5 November 2019 : it’s frustrating and irritating and disappointing that i can’t seem to break through and find stability. but you have done big things like kept a roof over my head and let me buy groceries, and small things like getting new work shoes or soup when i’m sick. you’ve kept me alive.
5 November 2019 : thank you to everyone who’s sent money to help me survive, messages of support to keep my head up, and just general kindness. i can’t express how much your help means.
5 November 2019 : oh my god
5 November 2019 : we don’t have a machine
4 November 2019 : i have spent all day testing different versions of kale chips to figure out which toppings taste the best and it turns out i just hate kale chips
4 November 2019 : we have to take the mats outside to hose them down. someone suggested boiling hot water and throwing that on them, but i’m not too inclined to carry giant pots of boiling hot water across a floor not covered in slip resistant mats just to throw boiling hot water on the street
4 November 2019 : although i don’t see how i’ll make enough money to get me to january if my hours stay as they are so i’m fine with the dying bit. i’d just rather not die because of a minimum wage job or at that job, you know?
4 November 2019 : my friend just told me “did you hear we’re supposed to get snow on friday???” all excitedly and now i get to figure out how to wash dishes & mats in freezing temps without getting pneumonia or slipping and falling and dying for a minimum wage job.
4 November 2019 : incredible
4 November 2019 : I KNOW
4 November 2019 : honestly just proud that the “hoo hoo hoo hoo!” has stood the test of time. until someone inevitably deletes it just to spite me, of course.
4 November 2019 : for the record, the only wikipedia edit i have ever made was in 2010 and it has never been removed, only edited for conciseness pic.twitter.com/lD4eOYzzRa
4 November 2019 : did you know when you make anonymous edits on wikipedia, it shows your IP address? gosh how embarrassing pic.twitter.com/SDt4lDnPfk
4 November 2019 : my ass announces it is now MY ASS
4 November 2019 : it absolutely is not https://twitter.com/nbcnews/status/1191399480815427584
4 November 2019 : i’ve literally posted my tax returns and have been on medicaid for three years and folks still claim i’m a liar just because i’m hot and smart and say things that make them uncomfortable lmao
4 November 2019 : hahahaha it’s like a poem of hate pic.twitter.com/h9HlHVgeF5
4 November 2019 : awww thank you and i’m sorry you’re not feeling well!!!
4 November 2019 : this is solidarity in action
4 November 2019 : no
4 November 2019 : i have one of those extra big bath towels does that count
4 November 2019 : someone needs to put back the part where it says outspoken advocate for workers rights
4 November 2019 : my tweet saying i’m lactose intolerant is the citation
4 November 2019 : hahahahahahaa oh please i think we both know that’s a bit much but yes keep slathering it on thank you i AM a hero
4 November 2019 : i love the attention thanks so much for giving me a reason to talk about myself
4 November 2019 : if you’re gunna edit my wikipedia just to troll me nearly four years after i stopped trending because you just can’t let a bitch live can you also mention that i’m lactose intolerant? i don’t think you can edit your own page and i’d like people to know
4 November 2019 : wonderful
4 November 2019 : i love trolls editing my wikipedia page two seconds after i post about not getting a job i absolutely nailed and, unrelatedly, how companies still see me as radioactive because i did the right thing. it’s been almost four years and folks still acting up. i was right. get over it. https://twitter.com/tidmarsh_in_id/status/1191424695817474048
4 November 2019 : eat shit, bot bitch https://twitter.com/sy21631818/status/1191420933895909386
4 November 2019 : unionize. whistleblow. agitate until the system cracks wide open. the only thing you have to lose is your chains.
4 November 2019 : i have zero regrets or shame for speaking what i know to be truth to power. i just feel sad that power prefers to hide behind bullshit instead of listen to reality. any voice is better than silence & the more we speak out, the less isolated whistleblowing becomes.
4 November 2019 : i am a whistleblower, but i am also just a worker trying to survive. if you are afraid of me, it is because you ignore what you know needs to be fixed in your company and your workplace. i am a litmus test that the system constantly fails. that’s not my fault or responsibility.
4 November 2019 : the social consciousness has since moved to align with everything i said and did, yet one of the first results when you google me is a right wing propaganda site smearing me as an entitled liar. almost four years, and i still have not found stable employment.
4 November 2019 : almost four years ago i called out my employer for underpaying their workers. it immediately cost me my job, opened me up to an unending stream of harassment, and resulted in wage increases for my former coworkers. almost four years ago, yet i’m still seen as radioactive.
4 November 2019 : but at this point if you’re hitting popeyes for that sandwich, you already know all this and you’re ignoring it anyway and shut up
4 November 2019 : additionally, the reason fast food is so valuable to low wage workers is it is affordability *and* speed. if you’re waiting 40 minutes for a sandwich, you can afford to make it yourself. making food from scratch is often too time consuming for those in poverty.
4 November 2019 : oh we’ve *been* making that at my job. come by sometime
4 November 2019 : did you know pickles and fried chicken taste good together because apparently it was just invented and if we don’t head to popeyes right now we’ll fucking die
4 November 2019 : what are y’all gaining from knowingly participating in a system that was almost immediately criticized for the pain and stress it put on thousands of workers. you should know better. it’s not cute or charming it’s callous and obnoxious.
4 November 2019 : the sandwich is good because fried chicken and pickles taste good together. stop going to popeyes just to see. there’s nothing to see but you making life harder for underpaid workers. this is so much worse than the szechuan sauce debacle i don’t get why folks are still at it
4 November 2019 : literally anyone could tell you ‘the sandwich is fine but you’ll wait forever and put a huge burden on the workers’ and folks will still be like ‘gotta tweet that for myself’ https://twitter.com/saladinahmed/status/1191407717073793026
4 November 2019 : i love you
4 November 2019 : i have 701 pounds of beef
4 November 2019 : thank you, it’s because i’d be perfect for the role and am legitimately passionate about making cooking/product knowledge fun and accessible while also being informative
4 November 2019 : thank you
4 November 2019 : when you get to a certain point you don’t have to try
4 November 2019 : you just lay there and the tears fall out on their own
4 November 2019 : and yet
4 November 2019 : i think the thing that didn’t get me the job is they read my wikipedia and got scared. which is their loss, honestly.
4 November 2019 : i’m in the middle of a very gentle breakdown and maybe that’s why this is such a funny spam reply. “i am broken” “Nice tweet.” pic.twitter.com/PDgRzKP2vA
4 November 2019 : i am a smart and flexible writer with tons of ideas and i work myself to the bone to constantly grow and improve and frankly you would be insane not to hire me. but mostly i am now very scared about how i am going to survive when my hours have been chopped in half.
4 November 2019 : i was inches away from being lifted out of poverty and finally getting my foot in the door and i am too tired to keep banging on the door so instead i am sharing the work i did. editors, you are welcome to read the test and provide feedback by emailing me at taliajanework @ gmail
4 November 2019 : i did not get a job that i am perfect for and for which i nailed the interviews. here is the edit test i did for it, because i think i did a good job on it and i can’t afford to burn myself on the hiring process in the hopes of learning how to be better. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XbU4fhzEXLVuMDPLEPScMiChU8rHWnKBfqivvg5Yr_w
4 November 2019 : sounds like some dumbass boomer shit to me
4 November 2019 : yeah i just wasn’t sure how much they paid. i don’t wanna take something with tags on that clearly says $20 and they’re like “$2”
4 November 2019 : what’s the best place in brooklyn to resell used clothes? i don’t wanna trek out somewhere & have em be like ‘oh, these seventy trash bags full of stuff? we’ll pay four dollars.’
4 November 2019 : i refuse to believe 2012 was a long time ago
4 November 2019 : lol he’s so pissed. and he got out of that while i made a joke to my roommate that he wanted to go on a walking tour
4 November 2019 : he got out again. but then he nestled into a scarf that had fallen on the floor so i just crumpled up the edges to keep him in and plopped him back into his cage!!!! and now i pee the pee of kings.
4 November 2019 : MUAHAHAHAHAAAA pic.twitter.com/FxZ5udfakw
4 November 2019 : at approximately 6:45am while being given some food, nina the mouse decided to leap out of his cage and spend the next hour and ??? exploring the bedroom while a beleaguered and full-blattered talia waited for him to just go back in his fuckin cage already pic.twitter.com/5OkBspBjos
4 November 2019 : a fun thing i learned when trying to make mirepoix (celery, onion, carrots) for a chicken soup but having no celery is old bay is predominantly celery seed. just be sure to skip the salt & pepper cuz old bay’s got both.
4 November 2019 : agreed
4 November 2019 : i have difficulty believing your supposed superiority when you aren’t even articulate enough to illustrate your argument better than just saying “fuck” every other word.
4 November 2019 : but they’re not babies. they are grown adults stomping around acting like babies. they got their chance to grow up and refused to do so, because they think they’re entitled to being perpetually 3 years old. the only solution is to mock and humiliate them mercilessly.
4 November 2019 : this is insane but his voice cracking when he insists his racial superiority is such a terrific self-own. white supremacy is founded on the same rationale as a toddler tantrum. they’re all just babies in need of a nap. https://twitter.com/atheist_cvnt/status/1191157832546041856
4 November 2019 : cat got out (i think) but sauces & just-washed stuff kept falling and i left my tips in my chef coat which is currently sitting in a giant bag of dirty towels & aprons and i’m on my way home and my train smells like it’s on fire?
4 November 2019 : SO haunted
4 November 2019 : fuck pic.twitter.com/upU62Pswrl
4 November 2019 : update now we have a fucking cat in the basement
4 November 2019 : YES
4 November 2019 : nutritional yeast, salt, pepper, canola oil
4 November 2019 : work is so haunted/cursed tonight. my coworker spilled sauce on their top, then three quarts of canola oil on their pants, i gave them my pants (cuz i wore two pairs for warmth!), a rag caught on fire, we ran out of fries (!!!!) and we still have an hour left until closing 😩
4 November 2019 : we got slammed yet still, i rise. pic.twitter.com/0h6stcCTOl
3 November 2019 : not enough
3 November 2019 : we don’t serve them on the menu
3 November 2019 : two people walked in right after i tweeted this so now i have to go out into the restaurant and demand they follow me on twitter
3 November 2019 : nobody order delivery or eat out tonight i want to make kale chips at work and your stupid orders are the only thing holding me back
3 November 2019 : incredible
3 November 2019 : pokémon go to the polls
3 November 2019 : i realized my self esteem issues go deeper than i thought when a song came on at work and i sang the backup harmony instead of lead
3 November 2019 : i have to go to work but he just got comfy pic.twitter.com/XqKAtbswFE
3 November 2019 : it’s funny how boomers rag on kids these days being so narcissistic & social media-obsessed when they’re the ones having meltdowns over legitimate criticism of what they thought were cute little brain thoughts
3 November 2019 : not even a full 24 hours before this proved true once again
3 November 2019 : eta on how long until steve decides to delete his twitter & write a bret stephens column about it? pic.twitter.com/holqQ3P4qU
3 November 2019 : lmfao
3 November 2019 : ok boomer
3 November 2019 : nuclear ratio pic.twitter.com/44Kym6vFtt
3 November 2019 : meet the press? more like moist toilet paper. if it’s sunday, it’s moist.
3 November 2019 : a trump presidency already blew a hole of legitimacy in our national politics that will take generations to heal also our politics have never been all that legitimate lmao cmon now https://twitter.com/meetthepress/status/1191032040952680448
3 November 2019 : absolutely not
3 November 2019 : haha i’m not but i’m doing my best!!
3 November 2019 : well i don’t know really but he’s very good at his job and i enjoyed the classes i had with him!
3 November 2019 : he had such a hot way of speaking. had to wait for a VEHJEN to light a candle
3 November 2019 : if i were you i’d invent a whole new persona and be like ‘ha ha yeah i get that a lot, but actually i am a neuroscientist studying the biological effect of advertising on mice’
3 November 2019 : woah how did you figure that out
3 November 2019 : if memory serves correctly he did very quietly confide that he was, in fact, the star of that film and she was like ‘holy shit’
3 November 2019 : i discovered who he was bc a film on tv & i thought ‘oh i’ve heard of this but never seen it’ so i went to read the description. the co-star’s name was *identical* to my new professor’s name so i took a pic and sent it to him & he replied “you should be studying, not watching tv”
3 November 2019 : oh i’ve also got a cop-loving vapid long island rich girl and a terfy cryptofascist australian too
3 November 2019 : my medieval lit professor was in a lot of movies as a teen and when he went on a first date with his (now) wife she said a film he starred in was her absolute favorite when she was younger, not at all realizing he was the star of it. i suspect that’s the ideal.
3 November 2019 : pretty rude of the government to force me to exist for an extra hour and then steal my sleep when i finally acclimate to their temporal expectations
3 November 2019 : i’m also a big fan of a big sink full of fresh soapy water or food residue slowly draining. the using up and refreshing of products, it’s a big hit. the process can be a drag to do but the existence of the pattern is in itself a mesmerizing narrative on how we sustain ourselves. pic.twitter.com/2dWHNZmJwR
3 November 2019 : freshly peeled beets look like beautiful wood grain and ground black pepper is the perfect scent and loose flour hitting fry oil has the crunchiest, crispest fry sound.
3 November 2019 : it’s the econ version of ‘the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell’
3 November 2019 : anyway, isn’t the inside of a cabbage so pretty?! pic.twitter.com/ObvB472r1E
3 November 2019 : m*chelle malk*n & b*n s*sse can eat a volcano of flaming turds for all eternity, tbh
3 November 2019 : i’d like to die now thanks
3 November 2019 : like i’m legit worried my yelp history could prevent me from getting a stable job doing something i’m good at *not* because what i did was bad or i was wrong, but because folks who’ve been coerced into fighting against their best interests just can’t get over it.
3 November 2019 : yes and to me three years was a decade ago i have had so many jobs since then!!!!
3 November 2019 : lmao i bet there are honestly
3 November 2019 : i wasn’t the first to say this stuff or realize the problem. i just didn’t care to be sweet or polite while pointing out that shit is severely fucked up and a ton of people are suffering for the enrichment of a few. civility don’t do shit and never has.
3 November 2019 : you’ll notice i haven’t waivered even the slightest from the criticisms i laid out three years ago when i didn’t know “living wage” was a real term. i just used it as an apt descriptor. now no one gets bent out of shape over shit i say because a lot more people are saying it too!
3 November 2019 : i post food i made *at work* *for customers* and inevitably i get comments like “wow doesn’t look like you’re starving!!!” bitch i WAS. THREE YEARS AGO. i work in food now BECAUSE it’s minimum wage without the food insecurity just enjoy this dope salad i made for a cust!
3 November 2019 : it’s tight af that anti-capitalist, worker-centric activism & awareness is super mainstream now but goddamn it if i don’t still get trolls insisting my demand for a living wage 3 years ago was the work of a singular, entitled, lazy liar. what the fuck is that about.
3 November 2019 : i’m sure you’ll do your best but rest assured the best option is to take your GEs at a community college and then transfer. it’s cheaper, you can get better grades more easily, & typically transfers don’t need to include high school transcripts!
3 November 2019 : cishet white men at legacy pubs should pay us to read their articles, not the other way around. i will read a bret stephens column when he personally pays me $2/word to read it.
3 November 2019 : *weeps at the untold dearth of excellent pitches by people with in-depth knowledge on the topic that were rejected or straightup ignored* https://twitter.com/karenkho/status/1190725240042774528
3 November 2019 : best of luck on the exams!
3 November 2019 : high school econ teaches you ‘there’s no such thing as a free lunch’ but never bothers to mention its much more meaningful and useful counterpart, ‘there is no ethical consumption under capitalism’
3 November 2019 : i honestly don’t know but i do prefer tall over tal
3 November 2019 : i go through my bank transactions to track when automatic charges go through & when bills are due and all that but then it gets to a point where i realize it doesn’t matter & there’s no finagling i can do to not be constantly strained
3 November 2019 : i constantly respond when someone nearby says “thank ya” or “i’ll tell you what.” my own family doesn’t even know how to say it. half of them call me tal-ya & for the other half it’s TALL-e-yuh. WHO AM I OH MY GOD https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/1190430125315112960
3 November 2019 : i disagree on it being “good” but it is effective, yes
3 November 2019 : february should be prorated!!!!
3 November 2019 : i replaced my debit card a few weeks back and now i’m getting emails from various things saying i need to update my card on file and i’m just... not going to. gunna just let them shut off my phone service too i’m tired of the bills
3 November 2019 : every month it’s week 1: gotta pay rent & electric week 2: gotta pay phone bill and gas week 3: gotta pay internet & food & metrocard & miscellaneous other bills week 4: oh fuck gotta pay rent soon oh fuck
3 November 2019 : we can start by eliminating august. nothing even happens in august.
3 November 2019 : i’m so tired of being so stressed out about how i’m going to make rent. the cycle is so exhausting. make months longer so i have some time in the middle to catch my breath before i have to worry about rent again. we don’t need 12 months anyway.
3 November 2019 : lmfao the reaction lag between after he drops that line and when jesse finally hears it in his earpiece pic.twitter.com/io0mZS7yb5
3 November 2019 : third night of the second week of people in costume acting a mess. aren’t y’all tired go home wash your face let it GO
3 November 2019 : we should get a 50/50 split of tips too but foh gets 75% and boh splits the remaining 25%
3 November 2019 : busy as hell. nonstop delivery orders. ran out of a bunch of stuff. packed house. made $3 in tips. get FUCKED.
3 November 2019 : opening crew asked us to get a shitload of prep done for them like they don’t know it’s a saturday night. we got 1 thing prepped and it took 5 hours to finish. lol
3 November 2019 : saturday night vibe pic.twitter.com/trGWfTkoMN
3 November 2019 : someone buy me this please thNks https://twitter.com/parkermolloy/status/1190791508947034112
2 November 2019 : These generously buttered noodles, sprinkled with just a quarter cup of Jim Spanfeller for color and freshness, are the perfect blank canvas for practically any stew or braise.
2 November 2019 : jim spanfeller is a herb
2 November 2019 : as one should!
2 November 2019 : that is so on brand
2 November 2019 : sorry i’m grumpy i’m gunna be late for work cuz the trains are running slow and a drop of subway water landed on my head and my nail that i sliced with a mandolin looks like this and i can’t take the nail polish off cuz it’ll burn pic.twitter.com/uXWuJNMkwB
2 November 2019 : oh shit oh fuck oh shitfuck goddamn!!!!! https://twitter.com/wordscience/status/1190652100394532864
2 November 2019 : rage against and mcr coming back is confirmation that we are officially old and holding on to who we were to escape who we’ve become. happy holidays.
2 November 2019 : you ever been on the precipice of climax and santa appears
2 November 2019 : thinking about this text i sent once pic.twitter.com/V8GtdCrE5R
2 November 2019 : i was sitting in the storage room alone to complete the training and i let out a WHAAAAAAAAAAT
2 November 2019 : lol wow bro it’s not even an election year https://twitter.com/nycmayor/status/1190691960329244678
2 November 2019 : moment of silence for everyone quietly removing the spook from their display name
2 November 2019 : post that link sis
2 November 2019 : pleased to announce i did one good tweet in october and it’s the one where i say “oh man” next to a photo
2 November 2019 : a sad thing is i have google alert notifications on for my name just in case some conservative propaganda blog tries smearing my excellence so i know where the sudden flood of harassment is coming from & whenever i get one i start sweating but then it’s just stuff like this pic.twitter.com/kxtKUcaAmj
2 November 2019 : (i know this as someone who’s made the food for the influencers to photograph, not as the influencer)
2 November 2019 : he doesn’t listen to women with good ideas
2 November 2019 : true influencers know that you reach out to the restaurant ahead of time to schedule a promo dine so they can check out your platform and confirm whether it’s a space they’d want to advertise through smh
2 November 2019 : i need names
2 November 2019 : i’m sober at a bar full of drunk 23-year olds partying in costume on november 1st update i got drunk for free and watched 3 couples grind i’m about to head home to watch eraserhead and from a straw poll of bar attendees 0% have seen eraserhead but 100% have seen sister act 2
2 November 2019 : i’m so beautiful and talented and full of love yet cannot find a single rich person willing to pay off my student loans ($13,000 after interest and late fees paypal in bio)
2 November 2019 : lmao i can tell you’ve spent too long on her page by how you wrote this tweet
2 November 2019 : we must protect @WeAreMel at all costs.
2 November 2019 : i’m very stoked to find out people are doing exactly this but somewhat bummed i didn’t hear about it until just now. *sigh* solidarity with the protesters ✊
2 November 2019 : https://m.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Man-seen-in-handcuffs-after-fire-at-The-Wilde-14803010.php
2 November 2019 : rest in peace, the wilde collection. you were a beautiful shop full of my children and also free coffee. im so glad i got to visit you, experience your essence, and take an incredible dump in your bathroom next to a half-dressed child sized mannequin 💗💕 pic.twitter.com/ZkQ0Sv2vbp
2 November 2019 : same
2 November 2019 : oh no what now
2 November 2019 : as soon as she sat down she had a ‘don’t fuck with me’ energy that made the weak skinny people just quietly accept their squished fate and now she’s subtly vaping a weed pen. my vibe hero. i am sending her a hundred thousand blessings.
2 November 2019 : this gal on the train forced three skinny people to make room so she could sit down and it’s taking so much restraint to not be like “hell yeah sis make em scoot”
2 November 2019 : his set really was good, if not deliberately harmless. he had some very cute anecdotes about fatherhood and a few risky setups that opened to inoffensive punchlines everyone could laugh at. seems he’s well aware of the criticism he’s received and has taken the notes to heart.
2 November 2019 : lmfao pic.twitter.com/QqVL0NjpfN
2 November 2019 : the counter at union square is counting down instead of up should we be worried
2 November 2019 : physically bumped into him after the show cuz we were both trying to leave at the same time and i told him “good set” and he said “thanks” and i asked if he’s performing regularly around here and he said “mostly brooklyn, union hall and” some other place i don’t remember.
2 November 2019 : i saw david cross tonight. pic.twitter.com/mfUjiExzL1
1 November 2019 : luckily this resulted in us getting the blade sharpened so it’s not catching on stuff and endangering fingies!
1 November 2019 : i couldn’t stand how she kept saying “exspecially” but her even meter through the case study was so incredible. i fell asleep toward the end.
1 November 2019 : i’m sorry, but what????
1 November 2019 : the nail i sliced down the center with a mandolin has begun getting caught on gottam everything and this was the only solution that stuck. but it stuck too well. pic.twitter.com/wNterYVjqZ
1 November 2019 : new york employees who recently completed the sexual harassment training program: that case study with carla that starts with her coworkers going “look out! here comes the FEMALE driver!” and ends with someone pissing in her toolbox took one hell of a turn, am i right?
1 November 2019 : :(
1 November 2019 : that’s not true i have tried on their frames and 100% of them were far too large for my head
1 November 2019 : there’s like 1 company that owns every glasses out there and then warby parker came along, like snowden, and blew their whole game up.
1 November 2019 : i have indigestion and all i can think about is how do we get edward snowden some new frames
1 November 2019 : why doesn’t edward snowden have a sponsorship deal with warby parker? they’re both all about sticking it to the big guy, and who best to advertise WP’s at home try-on service than the guy who hasn’t been allowed to leave russia in 6 years? also he desperately needs new frames omg
1 November 2019 : my bank account: LOW BALANCE ALERT. me: lmfao ok boomer
1 November 2019 : where’d he get that skirt
1 November 2019 : 🤮
1 November 2019 : fuhhhhhhhh
1 November 2019 : what
1 November 2019 : you sure said it
1 November 2019 : BUUHHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD
1 November 2019 : i’m sorry what
1 November 2019 : why pic.twitter.com/1PX1XBvviF
1 November 2019 : the only newsworthy thing here is being reminded that SJP & Matthew Broderick are married. and have been since....1997?! https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1190005791648100352
1 November 2019 : my halloween costume is someone who’s totally fine pic.twitter.com/oza7FIN6Bc
1 November 2019 : ok boomer
1 November 2019 : free him https://twitter.com/dog_rates/status/1189953715349815296
1 November 2019 : i’m baby to everyone in my life but i don’t want to be baby anymore i wanna be papa
1 November 2019 : it’s cuz it sucked shit, ted
1 November 2019 : incredible
31 October 2019 : hahahahahahahaahhahahaha pic.twitter.com/VvBskuFZVU
31 October 2019 : if i could pay my student loans by being charming to customer support reps, hoo man
31 October 2019 : he laughed really hard and said “i’m not gunna lie...” before trailing off
31 October 2019 : i accidentally accepted a call from nelnet. toward the end of the call the guy asked “is there anything else i can help you with today?” i said “can you pay my student loans?” he laughed and said “i’m trying to pay mine” i asked if he’s ever called a number & his own phone rang
31 October 2019 : i have been playing solitaire as an anxiety reducer the last few days and i have learned that the trick is to use the cards that are down before using the ones in your hand and, because of anxiety, i am taking that to be a very powerful metaphor about... something
31 October 2019 : @MilesKlee omg
31 October 2019 : the level of ego to avoid addressing one’s insecurity is profound among mediocre rich people whose privilege slips them into positions they never worked to build the capacity to handle and it is so fucking funny
31 October 2019 : like, just own it? does ken bone pretend that town hall wasn’t the start of his public moment??
31 October 2019 : i fondly remember that bizarre commencement speech she gave where she said she didn’t write a post on medium that just happened to go viral, a very strange dig at me and a hilarious self-own considering that’s basically exactly what happened to her
31 October 2019 : as someone who frequently mentions my open letter to yelp as a pivotal moment in my life that has dramatically shaped my knowledge & passion for workers rights, i love the ‘that one viral moment didn’t launch my whole career but also let me constantly remind you about it’ angle pic.twitter.com/59ivPqep3V
31 October 2019 : that’s kind of a solid combo though
31 October 2019 : whoever keeps subscribing me to l*uren d*ca’s substack deeply underestimates how satisfying it is to unsubscribe from it
31 October 2019 : “We will not stand down. We will not be broken. We will not be silenced. We will rise.” https://twitter.com/politico/status/1189962843937837056
31 October 2019 : if a reviewer said my risotto was “perfectly fine” i too would obsess about it
31 October 2019 : i said sookie not snooki omfg
31 October 2019 : all of her eccentricities in the kitchen and casual acceptance of various injuries are very real and her scrutinizing of jackson’s subpar produce is justified and reasonable
31 October 2019 : when i first watched gilmore girls i thought i was a lorelai but on a rewatch it turns out i am a sookie
31 October 2019 : can i volunteer
31 October 2019 : oh hell yes
31 October 2019 : name. and. shame.
31 October 2019 : pic.twitter.com/58unFNLFJU
31 October 2019 : i just love the energy of ‘i don’t know who this is or why their tweet is on my timeline but it’s a good tweet’
31 October 2019 : can someone please update my wikipedia to reflect that i am simply a twitter user https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talia_Jane
31 October 2019 : i’m quoted as “a twitter user” in this article!!!! guess i should change my bio, wherein it says i am a freelance writer in the fju and a line cook and a copywriter, to simply describe myself as my true role: “a twitter user” (it’s a good piece) https://twitter.com/hollywoodsteveh/status/1189973861040738305
31 October 2019 : oh! i hadn’t!
31 October 2019 : summers eve wash also works cuz it breaks down the enzymes or something
31 October 2019 : roommate got a bag of fun sized candy
31 October 2019 : aww come over i have plenty
31 October 2019 : big mood pic.twitter.com/JxT7YYSyUl
31 October 2019 : omg i just looked. what a mess!
31 October 2019 : yo what
31 October 2019 : it won’t
31 October 2019 : beetlejuice
31 October 2019 : she bought food at my work once for her team and ordered herself a tea and the name on the ticket was tulsi so i had to be like “tulsi? tea?” and then when she came up to get it i told her the rest of her order would be ready in a minute
31 October 2019 : nightmare before christmas soft punks grew up to become straight laced accountants and coraline soft punks grew up to become socialist graphic designers.
31 October 2019 : no she didn’t. tulsi is a TEA, meaning she’s in a little BAG with a STRING and helps alleviate COUGH and PHLEGM https://twitter.com/jules_su/status/1189966130124873729
31 October 2019 : hell yeah queen werk https://twitter.com/reaganbattalion/status/1189932347640160256
31 October 2019 : freelancers: please boycott deadspin in solidarity with the workers. do not pitch. pull pitches you’ve submitted. give them no new content until management relents. DO NOT SCAB.
31 October 2019 : if you work at deadspin and are having reservations about quitting and could use a pep talk from someone who burned their whole life to call out the boss, feel free to message me. my dms are open.
31 October 2019 : for those on the fence: the @IWWFJU loves you and stands in solidarity with your decision to quit deadspin. the @gmgunion has your back and is working on fighting for you. “if you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” - desmond tutu
31 October 2019 : anyone still working at deadspin after all of this needs to seriously examine their morals and how beholden to cops they really are.
31 October 2019 : i’m so inspired by the workers at deadspin. it takes guts to sacrifice your safety net and take a stand against corporate mismanagement, and too few workers know the power they carry or the power of solidarity. i just wish they’d done this when their previous EIC quit.
31 October 2019 : me every time my phone buzzes and it’s not the call or email i’ve been waiting on pic.twitter.com/a98AYJQBPy
31 October 2019 : oh hell yes
31 October 2019 : RT @Kate_H_Taylor: SCOOP: McDonald's is rolling out chicken at breakfast across the US in 2020 https://t.co/EY0mQX5YLT
31 October 2019 : oh shit
31 October 2019 : ya put extra shoulder pads in The Jacket
31 October 2019 : anyway gilmore girls is quality anxiety-coping viewing even though their snow is obviously soap foam
31 October 2019 : thank you 💗
31 October 2019 : well for me as soon as i got home i laid on the floor and cried, then i peeled myself off to get back to the store for my groceries, came home and put them away, and then sobbed in bed. my roommate came home and made me tea & put on ‘bridget jones diary’
31 October 2019 : yeah he had a whole section about me that got a bunch of facts wrong. he didn’t even know my last name. pretty sure he just used a national review piece that also smeared me as his sole source.
31 October 2019 : that last time i found out what he wrote while on the train home from the grocery store after my card was declined and i had to abandon my cart to go home to get my credit card and i was working 60 hours a week between two jobs and barely scraping by and it all hit at once.
31 October 2019 : in the past three years i have laid on the floor three times. twice because i was working on a packet, the third time because a shitty senator wrote in a book that the founding fathers would panic at the survivability of the nation if we have too many Ms. Janes (me)
31 October 2019 : here are my phases: phase 1: hands sweating, somewhat manic, waking up feeling like ‘it’s christmas!’ phase 2: unable to concentrate on anything phase 3: sleeping as much as possible to not be conscious through the anxiety phase 4: laying on the floor phase 5: acceptance/death
31 October 2019 : i was going to dress up as the dog from the ‘this is fine’ meme but i didn’t get a chance to wear it to a party. but i am waiting for a phone call or email i was expecting by ‘early’ this week and trying not to let my anxiety tear me down so really i don’t even need the costume.
31 October 2019 : i would like to give a shoutout to artist Lay Low, whose song “Our Conversations” was an unexpected mellow jam that played after i asked my friend’s homepod “Hey Siri, are you listening to our conversation?” genius song title. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R-ztNmqDRSI
31 October 2019 : you’re really setting the trends lately
31 October 2019 : and before that he was named MICK!!!
31 October 2019 : spock going through a glam phase
31 October 2019 : “i stopped being a child the minute the strip turned pink.” god
31 October 2019 : i’m rewatching the gilmore girls pilot and i’m so blown away by how well-crafted these characters and their dialogues with each other are.
31 October 2019 : wow https://twitter.com/megh_wright/status/1189747462304612353
31 October 2019 : yes!!
31 October 2019 : i’m saying i dropped a fry on my chest and picked up my drawstring and put that in my mouth before realizing
31 October 2019 : playing a dangerous game with my snack and clothing choices here pic.twitter.com/QIwXFD8YZH
31 October 2019 : emerging from beneath that massive pile felt incredibly symbolic
31 October 2019 : she’s gotten me through so much i’ll never be able to repay her
31 October 2019 : we love each other. platonically.
31 October 2019 : she also put on lana del ray and turned on the soft lights and lit a candle and gave me an edible that she’s had for like...... six months? she’s seriously the best
31 October 2019 : one of these is an actual weighted blanket yet still it is not enough. someone come sit on me.
31 October 2019 : i hit the “lay on the floor” stage of anxiety and my wonderful roommate piled blankets and pillows on top of me to work as a weighted blanket. (i kept groaning “more weight” a la giles corey) pic.twitter.com/FJA52WiNQf
31 October 2019 : i never will
31 October 2019 : this is hilarious pic.twitter.com/mKxBXTOcBH
31 October 2019 : el monterey beef & bean burrito with a big cup of tampico mango punch. rt if u agree/grew up on food 4 less.
31 October 2019 : mhm
31 October 2019 : why does dawn dish soap smell like bananas
31 October 2019 : anxiety is slowly breaking my brain but at least i got this good hoodie pic.twitter.com/oKYLYSP7ue
30 October 2019 : no it won’t pic.twitter.com/GUqcqOXoNE
30 October 2019 : it’d be so good i wouldn’t ever get a pitch through because their whole staff would be the smartest & hardest working folks in the industry
30 October 2019 : if every worker who’s been laid off or quit in media because of venture capitalists destroying journalism all joined together to create a worker-led media site it’d be unstoppable
30 October 2019 : you never realize how many pointless emails you get in a day until you’re waiting on just one
30 October 2019 : loving the energy of deadspin workers quitting en masse in protest against their capitalist overlords. it’s peak deadspin. i hope all of them find better jobs because they’re all brilliant and deserve to create freely.
30 October 2019 : feh
30 October 2019 : he literally separated woke culture from the activism beneath it to claim they are different and woke culture is bad and i am pairing them back together
30 October 2019 : @BarackObama ok boomer
30 October 2019 : woke culture is understanding that ambiguities exist and that no one is perfect but still doing your best to fight for equity and justice while holding powerful people accountable for their actions.
30 October 2019 : barack obama thinks woke culture is correcting someone’s verb
30 October 2019 : billionaires who manage to do 1% of something good get no applause or praise
30 October 2019 : it is an ad for dove pretending to be a push for paid family leave but really it is just injecting brand awareness into politics and it is skeevy af
30 October 2019 : does this count as one of the ads getting banned because i would like to ban it pic.twitter.com/SquMWHFElD
30 October 2019 : they would boot the nazis if it were as simple as this. here’s an idea: no new accounts. simply turn off the sign up feature. wow i’m a genius.
30 October 2019 : what a magnificent and zero-effort slam dunk. i’m so glad twitter is capable of making a change for the better but only when the work involved is turning off a light switch. praise be to our capitalist overlords!!!!! https://twitter.com/jack/status/1189634360472829952
30 October 2019 : happy hallmark channel seasonal movies season
30 October 2019 : happy birthday!!!!
30 October 2019 : meatball forever ✊💕 https://twitter.com/parkermolloy/status/1189306775289434113
30 October 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
30 October 2019 : criticism
30 October 2019 : why doesn’t the neutral golfer get a hat pic.twitter.com/JOVhhu8pbz
30 October 2019 : ellen degeneres lookin ass emojis https://twitter.com/emojipedia/status/1188877466615631878
30 October 2019 : every time one of these signs is half out pic.twitter.com/A9axDwI3H8
30 October 2019 : i’ll not be seeing LIGHTHOUSE as protest against the instagram stories said film has been pushing on me for weeks, a bitter resentment that i shan’t spend money to alleviate.
30 October 2019 : i saw PARASITE tonight and i’ll need to see it again because there’s *so much* good art analyze and consume but my main takeaway on a first run viewing is the working class must revolt ASAP
30 October 2019 : i was conceived in 1989 so i’ll have lived in 4 decades before i turn 30 💪💪💪💪💪
30 October 2019 : i turn 30 in march so i still get to experience this *and* know all the lyrics to every song on backstreet boys ‘millennium’ WHATS UP https://twitter.com/twentyfourrr7/status/1188770157977575424
30 October 2019 : was given a cute pin courtesy of a cute person 🥰 pic.twitter.com/t4PUeqznTt
29 October 2019 : love the energy of this older guy on the train who taped over a button to make a new one that reads “LOCK HIM UP” he also has a ‘not my president’ button. it’s good. pic.twitter.com/54hMZYjYcD
29 October 2019 : i even got one for my roommate, who doesn’t care about it at all but respects it.
29 October 2019 : i literally pitched an article devoted to celebrating tiny whisks. the perfect coffee stirrer! https://twitter.com/wilw_writes/status/1189270613413781504
29 October 2019 : deadspin forever ✊
29 October 2019 : awful
29 October 2019 : truly.
29 October 2019 : they already 401’ed an article published yesterday about the shitty things management has forced on the site plus a link to the ceo’s email to share your feedback https://web.archive.org/web/20191028202420/https://deadspin.com/a-note-to-our-readers-1839401652
29 October 2019 : lemon juice. creme fraiche. roasted garlic powder. salt. pepper.
29 October 2019 : i don’t know how to archive stuff but if you wanna stand in solidarity with deadspin’s staff and know how to do it, it’d be a good idea to start archiving the whole site so those writers can access their clips after management wipes the whole site in retaliation
29 October 2019 : fuck g/o media and fuck capitalists.
29 October 2019 : no
29 October 2019 : this is a genius move, putting their most popular stories first in protest against shitty ass management https://twitter.com/scott_tobias/status/1189215207492673539
29 October 2019 : this is the song i sing every time i make chicken tenders at work. my coworkers hate it but admit it’s catchy af pic.twitter.com/6DTbMIzhrO
29 October 2019 : exactly
29 October 2019 : i used the other half of the lemon to make a lemon garlic dipping sauce and it is *dangerously* good
29 October 2019 : oh also when you’re dropping it into the fry oil, make sure the chicken touches the oil before you let it go, and drop it with your hand moving away from you, not toward you. reduces splash.
29 October 2019 : when this is over i’ll leave the oil in the pot to cool and when it’s cool, i will pour it back into its bottle to throw away. never pour grease or oil down the drain, never throw hot oil in the trash.
29 October 2019 : yep that’s chicken alright pic.twitter.com/0XGZQnfp0s
29 October 2019 : and that’s fried chicken tenders pic.twitter.com/kx3DvgMuNT
29 October 2019 : temped the largest piece to make sure it hit 165 before pulling the batch. stove frying is a bit trickier than in a kitchen because you have to monitor & adjust the temp as you go. pic.twitter.com/xAwvDwnLcV
29 October 2019 : and now we wait pic.twitter.com/7QTD44NdR0
29 October 2019 : i don’t have a candy thermometer but i know what hot fry oil behaves like so i sprinkled some dry flour in the pot to gauge what the temp was & when it reacted how i wanted it to, i started dropping tenders. stirred with a spider to make sure they don’t stick to the bottom.
29 October 2019 : i wacked the chicken with a rolling pin to flatten it out so the tenders are thinner and will cook to temp when frying vs finishing in the oven. it’s a super easy way to get rid of that pound of flour that’s just been sitting in your cabinet for ages, untouched and unloved.
29 October 2019 : a dredging station is super easy to set up. you want a bowl for milk (i added lemon juice, which makes it buttermilk), bowl for eggs (added water), then a deep pan for flour+seasonings. ideally, a small sheet pan you can put the dredged chicken on.
29 October 2019 : we need it!!!
29 October 2019 : i don’t work today & im anxiously awaiting an email so to pass the time i set up a little dredging station and am making chicken tenders pic.twitter.com/DXBvrs2Xj2
29 October 2019 : we can shoot a car into outer space but we can’t make cling wrap with perforated edges? come the fuck on
29 October 2019 : you’d be amazed how many people in the world don’t follow me on twitter
29 October 2019 : dealers here get stuff shipped in from ca & oregon where it’s legal & easy to buy nicely packaged, then they either sell it straight like this or break it up
29 October 2019 : pic.twitter.com/KyHqsTULsX
29 October 2019 : DRAG ME
29 October 2019 : :(
29 October 2019 : lmao they sell on the street here for like $40/$60 each
29 October 2019 : i haven’t made it yet but i’m very excited to soon!!! https://twitter.com/staticsan/status/1189112798652985344
29 October 2019 : lmao
29 October 2019 : agreed. you need extra prep & dish folks, as well as folks to handle sandwiches
29 October 2019 : if you ever came into my restaurant i would absolutely ensure you had the best ass sandwich of your life
29 October 2019 : a thing to be mindful of re: popeyes and extra busy fast food joints in general: when it’s slammed, workers don’t have time to change gloves, clean their stations, restock, or ensure quality control. so. enjoy your ass sandwich, i guess.
29 October 2019 : it’s nice they set a date so all those popeyes employees have time to quit and find another job at a slower fast food chain nearby
29 October 2019 : y’all... know your workers are gunna deal with a hundred times more work because of this but you’re still paying them subpar wages https://twitter.com/popeyeschicken/status/1188780503601680384
29 October 2019 : did this article like just watch annie hall
29 October 2019 : what on earth is happening in your mentions
29 October 2019 : i sing too many cooks at shift change and none of my coworkers ever get the reference.
29 October 2019 : hahahahahahahahahhahaha pic.twitter.com/kP3NNzPnWB
29 October 2019 : a couple unintentionally built a *pipe bomb* in an effort to have a unique and fun gender reveal party. this madlibs-ass universe is tiring.
29 October 2019 : the universe self-corrected pic.twitter.com/s6RUx8qiG2
29 October 2019 : black lab mix
29 October 2019 : lmao
29 October 2019 : i’m lowkey wondering if i can sell it
29 October 2019 : i opened it again and it’s back to my real age. now to reconcile with the psychological fallout of turning 30, which i did not anticipate experiencing, five months early.
29 October 2019 : i so hope this results in waking up to so many texts from people who never texted me back several months ago asking if i wanna hang out soon. i’m so lonely.
29 October 2019 : i opened tinder for the first time in months and it says i’m THIRTY. what a crushing punishment.
29 October 2019 : it’s not!
29 October 2019 : this is like $200 worth of weed, sealed in their packaging. pretty sure a dealer dropped it.
29 October 2019 : ummm i’m walking my friend’s dog and just found these on the sidewalk???? pic.twitter.com/XMjR2tNrVb
29 October 2019 : i *just* finished reading this. wow!
29 October 2019 : link
29 October 2019 : the “let’s ignore and distort reality” gimmick is slowly, finally, maybe revealing itself to be insufficient defense. they got decades out of it. https://twitter.com/mkraju/status/1189016368483622917
29 October 2019 : almost zero sauce, too. i moved the (comically small) patty to one side, added ketchup, & tore off the excess bun. still, it’s so ridiculous that it feels personal.
29 October 2019 : gimme
29 October 2019 : something compelled me to take the burger apart and when i did i discovered a nightmare
29 October 2019 : incredible grift
29 October 2019 : lmfao are you kidding me with this pic.twitter.com/lAOmiISjwc
29 October 2019 : i got a size small sweater and i wear a medium/large. i can’t speak for their pants but their shirts were legit standard sizing
29 October 2019 : oh hell yes
29 October 2019 : actually someone else took a picture with him and he said “anyone else want a picture? no? ok good” and then i said “i do, actually” and told him we met a few years ago in LA and i’m the worst but i look cute
29 October 2019 : its clothing and there’s no gendered sections!
29 October 2019 : just hangin out with dave attell, who respects my space pic.twitter.com/MyTZ62gkW8
29 October 2019 : well from what i saw in store everything they have is ‘relaxed fit’ and up to 2XL
29 October 2019 : none of the jokes in the replies to this are funny lol
29 October 2019 : hahaha i love this free advert of me being for hire pic.twitter.com/r5iG0QoQsr
29 October 2019 : um holy shit pic.twitter.com/RsbBEtrK5t
28 October 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
28 October 2019 : trashy mctrashface https://twitter.com/wjz/status/1188919617424633857
28 October 2019 : enhance pic.twitter.com/i3sejFfz9S
28 October 2019 : bonus pic.twitter.com/FcWW9z2zIx
28 October 2019 : i think freddie missed my roommate more than i did pic.twitter.com/5T9W8obX3L
28 October 2019 : people have noticed that the son’s head is partially missing too. that’s just the part where he was socialized to believe he needs a shitty father figure in his life to protect his envelopment in toxic masculinity 💃
28 October 2019 : feel like i just pulled an a*mee t*rese with that tweet lol
28 October 2019 : it sure is frustrating that there was so much praise (for identifying & illuminating a very real thing!) w/o follow up on how that observation is borne from the gentrification of poverty alongside the glorification or grind culture & ignores systemic, nongenerational oppression
28 October 2019 : maybe the crowd wasn’t booing trump maybe they all just briefly became ghosts after supporting our troops so hard
28 October 2019 : if we can’t even boo a fascist without folks jamming their underwear up their cracks to cry about decorum that’s a good indicator we gotta do more than boo
28 October 2019 : gotta take the shoes to the cobbler
28 October 2019 : omg what
28 October 2019 : agreed
28 October 2019 : mondays am i right https://twitter.com/wpxitraffic/status/1188789628540719104
28 October 2019 : that bus is goin downtown alright
28 October 2019 : me reading these tweets pic.twitter.com/HVk8u7QplU
28 October 2019 : oh i figured out the best way to respond to a kid’s injury is to be like ‘oh dang. ya good?’ (cuz otherwise they flip out) when watching my stepmom coddle my little brother, who then put on a big show about how hurt he was.
28 October 2019 : i put freddie in two tops and you’d think he’d hate it but in fact he is very calm and cuddly. thundershirt but make it fashion. pic.twitter.com/uKqbfxcJPd
28 October 2019 : sounds right
28 October 2019 : something everyone who works in a kitchen learns is that once your latest injury heals, you’ll get another one. it’s a cycle that you learn to accept in such a way that you respond to getting cut or burned by calmly & quickly addressing the injury. you learn to stop being scared.
28 October 2019 : wow this blue up check out my soundclamd https://www.iww.org/content/join-one-big-union
28 October 2019 : oooooh solid point
28 October 2019 : seems like you’re having a whole experience!
28 October 2019 : oh wow i was so ready to believe you. you’re too powerful, man.
28 October 2019 : the downside is i make minimum wage and i don’t have a social life and i’m almost 30 but i have the circadian rhythm of a slacker college student and the sun wakes me up 2 hours after i fall asleep and i have to walk to queens to do laundry and my whole life is darkness and
28 October 2019 : the beauty of working night shifts is 2am to me is like 8pm to a normie so i can tweet weird shit that’s just in my totally sober brain after like, doing the dishes or taking out the recycling, and it’s fully on vibe with all the folks who are up being naughty
28 October 2019 : i thought about it and i’m not going to wait for my next period to see how swiffer pads handle *real* messes because i do have some self-respect but i am certain that those giant maxipads you stole from a wework bathroom would be a suitable stand-in should you need a quick swiff
28 October 2019 : i love that swiffer’s invention process was basically “what if period pads, but for the floor?” someone got stoned and used a pad to sop up a spill and now swiffer pulls in $500 million annually. because floor maxipads. on a related note if you ever run out of pads,,,,,,
28 October 2019 : spider pic.twitter.com/5ThRaJCFdy
28 October 2019 : i love baseball now https://twitter.com/nationalsliker/status/1188623387574394880
28 October 2019 : lmao
28 October 2019 : what i learned is you need a big spoon or spider to move the pieces together to form the base, then you pour the rest of the batter onto that surface and flip and then that’s funnel cake.
28 October 2019 : we had leftover waffle batter from brunch so i put it in a squeeze bottle and figured out how to make funnel cake. it’s not all the way right but i figured out enough to know how to do it in the future. pic.twitter.com/Mco6sziJof
27 October 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️
27 October 2019 : hahahahaha thank you!
27 October 2019 : whoever keeps killing older black dem congressmen needs to stop
27 October 2019 : he gone
27 October 2019 : oh man pic.twitter.com/l6soBpZNGm
27 October 2019 : i only know those two lines because although i majored in english literature it was at a state school not at all known for its english department
27 October 2019 : the middle part of the hook didn’t bend with the rest of it and i thought “RAGE! RAGE! AT THE DYING OF THE LIGHT!” anyway my roommate has been out of town for a week and a half and i have not handled it well
27 October 2019 : still a lot to be proud of!
27 October 2019 : a hook on one of my good bras got bent and i started reciting ‘do not go gentle into that good night’ while bending it back into place with a giant pair of pliers.
27 October 2019 : let’s flood the subways — hold the emergency doors open, help folks jump the turnstiles, and just fill major stations with protesters. union square, columbus circle, times square, broadway junction, atlantic ave, grand central. there’s 8 million of us.
27 October 2019 : holy hell
27 October 2019 : #NoNewCops @NYGovCuomo is using cops to accelerate white gentrification by oppressing & imprisoning low income communities, predominantly of color, under the guise that fare-beating is a crisis (1% MTA revenue). everyone should jump turnstiles in protest. they can’t arrest us all
27 October 2019 : i watched this a dozen times. the guy who runs up is carrying a bud light sandwich board & looks middle aged, like he’s a shop owner who got into some sort of altercation with the person he hit. did they break something? steal? tell him off for refusing to sell something? https://twitter.com/mojo_sooo_dopee/status/1188262096477327360
27 October 2019 : my halloween costume is... society
27 October 2019 : i don’t have my pronouns in my bio because there isn’t enough room for them *and* my paypal and currently i am more in need of advertising my paypal than i am pronouns that i’m not even sure i like.
27 October 2019 : an ideal situation tbh
27 October 2019 : my favorite thing is when people say they went there on vacation and had the best time and i’m like yeah, it’s a great place to VISIT. but to LIVE? no way.
27 October 2019 : i unbuttoned kenobi’s shirt last night because he kept licking it. i expected him to worm his way out of it by morning but instead he’s just been wearing it unbuttoned and letting all his fat just hang out. dan from roseanne lookin ass cat. pic.twitter.com/aQkllFIgg6
27 October 2019 : this city has some major flaws & this state is a lot redder but the environment is so much more conducive to growth
27 October 2019 : i’ll visit them all in good time
27 October 2019 : folks who get really worn down by like, the trains being busted all the time, did not grow up stuck in traffic on the 405. nobody cares if you’re fat here. everyone is busy so there’s never a “let’s do lunch!” unless you can bust out a calendar and plan it.
27 October 2019 : the only thing i miss about california, aside from my grandparents, is the produce. you can’t possibly convince me that i made a mistake leaving when the only thing i miss is vegetables.
27 October 2019 : every time folks in nyc act offended that i left california (???) i’m like ok so there’s no earthquakes and it’s not on fire all the time and i can use water. and then they’re like “yeah but the sunnnnnn” and i’m like THEN MOVE THERE ALREADY SO WE CAN END THIS CONVERSATION
27 October 2019 : that’s usually the case & why i didn’t go for that one! plus i like when folks let me know they’re in a relationship so i don’t go lusting after sold out goods/i can check out their partner and build in my mind a story about what their life is like together
27 October 2019 : i have been gliding toward my 30s because i accepted very early on that the narrative of who i should be was based in a narrow capitalist view of what women are and it has made aging such a breeze
27 October 2019 : we got good taste i guess!!!!
27 October 2019 : i went with fluent in sarcasm cuz that one makes my stomach turn
27 October 2019 : if you ever see someone walking their dog with one of these legally you have to report them to ASPCA
27 October 2019 : y’all wanna see one of the most cursed products ever (it will never be as cursed as the Dog Dryer but is still pretty cursed) pic.twitter.com/nBR6Xlp5PI
27 October 2019 : impossible to choose
27 October 2019 : i’ll have to ask her!!!
27 October 2019 : brave of anyone to show me a tweet as if i haven’t already seen it and have a deep history with the person who wrote it, really.
27 October 2019 : yesterday my coworker tried to show me a funny tweet and the first thing i saw was that it was from @SamGrittner and i said “oh that’s my friend!” and she took her phone back before i could actually read the tweet. could’ve been any of them, though. the dude’s a funny one.
27 October 2019 : i’m talking gloves that just go on a single finger for when you cut your finger open and need to wear a bandaid and need to wear a glove so that bandaid doesn’t fall off
27 October 2019 : nope
27 October 2019 : is it weird to see her hands now and still see the wormy lil baby hands she had as a toddler
27 October 2019 : but she also wore strappy heels and knew to do a lowkey face & a simple chunky wave to balance the extra vibes so maybe she’s just gifted at performing femininity
27 October 2019 : i told her to let me know when one of those nails break lol they are too long for a 16 year old. it takes years to be able to handle acrylics that long. it’s a practiced skill.
27 October 2019 : they can be on fleek enough that they overdo it and go too fleek. even though the planet will die in their lifetime it must be nice knowing they are the first generation to, collectively, absolutely crush the aesthetic game
27 October 2019 : when i was her age and living in worse socioeconomic circumstances than she’s in + without social media to guide me, the closest i got to dressing up was wearing eyeliner and straightening my hair. now kids got perfect brows & killer contour game & kylie jenner-length acrylics.
27 October 2019 : my sister went to homecoming and i’m dying laughing at these middle aged dmv receptionist nails she got pic.twitter.com/bMULAeJ88f
27 October 2019 : ASTAB
27 October 2019 : i read the whole thread assuming it was a documentary
27 October 2019 : it’s sort of soothing
27 October 2019 : being the guy who births a thousand identical replies so you can’t even enjoy the attention is the perfect curse
27 October 2019 : when you use a gif for the wrong song as a follow up to your first joke pic.twitter.com/MR3Kls4eu4
27 October 2019 : 😩😩😩 god that’s real
27 October 2019 : why are you doing this to yourself omfg
27 October 2019 : when liberals start glorifying obama as an emotional antidote for trump praising himself pic.twitter.com/cvUOq39Cat
27 October 2019 : hahahaha it truly was the perfect party!!
27 October 2019 : that explains why my tummy this morning was like 🥴. i had maybe a fourth of the can!
27 October 2019 : marin county rich assholes: [takes 1 gold earbud out] sorry i didn’t hear you
27 October 2019 : hahaha it felt like i’d entered a weird talia-specific nightmare where there’s a mess i gotta clean but i can’t! in any case you’re a gem and i’m so glad i got to meet you & hang out 🥰
27 October 2019 : too small for them red rockets
27 October 2019 : but it IS scorpio season, so now’s the time...
27 October 2019 : welcome to reality 2.0
27 October 2019 : lol no i respect myself and also can’t afford to spend money on ingredients just to burn them
27 October 2019 : no you don’t
27 October 2019 : @Lowenaffchen hello i fuckin love your display name
27 October 2019 : i love the energy of “so you killed the leader of a terrorist organization. that don’t impress me much.” https://twitter.com/hahellyer/status/1188373025785352192
27 October 2019 : stop telling me they’re called finger cots that’s a lie they don’t have an original name
27 October 2019 : . @SatansJacuzzi was like “it’s fine, your car is here! it’s fine!” and i was like UHHH UHHHHH UHHH and i threw a paper towel over it and ran out the door.
27 October 2019 : i was the last person to leave the party last night because i wanted to clean up as a thank you for being invited. in the very last second i spilled beer all over a table, almost like i was leaving a mess so the hosts would have something to clean?? anyway i have anxiety about it
27 October 2019 : seriously! it’s lighter than most creams but also lasts???
27 October 2019 : twinkle lights or christmas lights would also work! this one is falling off cuz the tape isn’t very sticky.
27 October 2019 : this is a face working on 4 hours of sleep. kiehl’s midnight recovery oil is magic.
27 October 2019 : it helps that i wrapped the bathroom mirror in this kinda busted led strip so the lighting is good! i now turn off the overhead light in the bathroom when i wanna take a selfie lol pic.twitter.com/GoXGNLkXPB
27 October 2019 : kenobi likes licking my face in the morning but i put eye cream on my cheeks and kiehl’s midnight oil on the rest last night and so he kept his licking confined to just my jaw.
27 October 2019 : i have been diligently using night moisturizers plus thick globs of carmex before bed, plus wrapping my hair to keep it out of my face+free it from the confines of a ponytail (highly recommend) and it is Noticeable.
27 October 2019 : i woke up like this (wow, beautiful) pic.twitter.com/ZrklGerN0b
27 October 2019 : trans 🕺 rights 💃 are 🕺 human 💃 rights 🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃
27 October 2019 : my brain had a moment of terror right before realizing this pacing evens out the whole song.
27 October 2019 : i like it https://twitter.com/noahgarfinkel/status/1187885082431741952
27 October 2019 : anyway i gotta work in 12 hours so i’m just gunna leave this here. good night and i love you.
27 October 2019 : the feeling is similar to when a piece of writing i’ve been straining to nail hits that point where i know it’s done and i can send it off. it’s not being able to breathe better, moreso realizing how much you are no longer struggling to breathe. easy like spreading warm butter.
27 October 2019 : i have been in the process of shedding, a methodically examining myself and how i orient around different pronouns. i previously mentioned anticipating the process would take about 6 months. but hearing someone put into words the thing i hadn’t quite figured out...shit clicked.
27 October 2019 : hearing that, plus earlier tonight being christened as they/them at a queer party really accelerated my ascent into affirming myself as nonbinary. holy shit.
27 October 2019 : also bumped into a nonbinary babe i met a few weeks ago + some random cishet dude who was like “i thought they was plural.” the nonbinary babe said no & explained how it can be singular, then added “but some nonbinary people feel both male & female & use they for that plural” 🤯
27 October 2019 : after some chatting i decided it was time to head out so i said “alright, that’s my time. don’t forget to tip your server” and it KILLED??
27 October 2019 : omg i was leaving the local bar and i said something funny and people laughed and then i said something funny again and they laughed harder so i said damn i feel like i’m doing standup and they said ‘and you’re crushing it!!!!’ what kinda dream am i in
27 October 2019 : i can’t say
27 October 2019 : additionally, i did not taste raspberries. it tasted like espresso, but every stout does.
27 October 2019 : i had to google this to find out if it had dairy in it. why would anyone name an alcohol “milk stout.” what are you trying to suggest with that name. creamy beer? strong milk? no. absolutely not. pic.twitter.com/ZC2IQgQ9nB
27 October 2019 : wow this party is so dedicated to the spooks they got a real black cat pic.twitter.com/XzBwwmJfsA
27 October 2019 : burn it
27 October 2019 : hyped to be heading to a party after work. “what perfume are you wearing?” oh it’s bleach and fry oil with a slight bouquet of butt sweat.
27 October 2019 : no u don’t they’re finger condoms!!!!
27 October 2019 : literally no one knows what the “real” term for finger condoms and i keep telling people delaware doesn’t exist and they’re like “that’s true.” i am breaking down the construct of reality one thing at a time.
27 October 2019 : i dig it
27 October 2019 : lmao 😩 https://twitter.com/agtmadcat/status/1188254301233111041
27 October 2019 : oh!
27 October 2019 : i’ll be partying hard washing dishes and restocking my station and dragging dirty mats outside to spray them down it’s lit af
27 October 2019 : my costume tonight is yoga pants and a chef coat with a lil hat & dirty crocs because i’m going as someone who likes being at work on a friday night and the party is in the kitchen at my job
26 October 2019 : their tweets are protected idk what this is for but my dms are open!
26 October 2019 : dm names
26 October 2019 : it took me a minute but now i see this is an excellent joke
26 October 2019 : it’s painful cuz there’s that wonder of how much of this will be retained and how much progress is actually happening
26 October 2019 : bueno pic.twitter.com/vrLG9YZQTz
26 October 2019 : raise your hand if when AOC asked zuckerberg about an ad where republicans endorse the GND and he was like “i don’t get it,” you got it and knew what was coming. https://twitter.com/blkahn/status/1187845565993930752
26 October 2019 : also i couldn’t get a drink for myself or my friend because last call so i just had to ride out the rest of the night, including a very intimate conversation with my very drunk friend, fully sober.
26 October 2019 : also when i *got* to the bar the 86d pegger was holding on to my friend’s dog’s leash super tight. i tried saying i could take the leash cuz i know the dog, but she wouldn’t hand it over so i just crouched down and let the pup bury her head in my crotch until my friend came out
26 October 2019 : the bartender also mentioned that last night had an extremely weird energy so maybe it was just last night
26 October 2019 : i felt like an anthropologist, observing drunk creatures in their natural habitat. if you get the chance i highly recommend going to a bar sober half an hour before close and just *watching* because it is a Lot.
26 October 2019 : i then proceeded to punch up the guy’s “the bartender is a racist” joke by saying she wouldn’t serve him because his dog is short and she’s heightist. the guy internalized my suggestion on 3 separate levels before going “that’s way funnier” and i, fully sober, was like “i know”
26 October 2019 : a guy tried walking out of the bar and his backpack got stuck on the door so he stumbled out and then back in and then out again and then he tried making a joke about how my friend couldn’t have another drink (last call ended) because his dog is black & i was like bad joke
26 October 2019 : i should mention that we were outside because my friend brought his dog, who sexy jimmy carter kept calling a cat because she thought it was hilarious.
26 October 2019 : while standing at the bar i spotted a gal trying not to cry, a very drunk couple speaking absolute gibberish, and the 86d gal talking to a random table of very scared looking folks.
26 October 2019 : at that point is when i was like “i can’t handle this sober” so i got up to go inside to order. he tugged on my jacket like a baby and asked me to get him a drink. i told the bartender, who’s a friend of mine, about the sexy jimmy carter thing and asked her to pour him light lmao
26 October 2019 : my friend (who was very drunk!) leaned over to whisper to me that a nice gal who was also very drunk & who was not taking any of his shit “looks like a sexy jimmy carter”
26 October 2019 : i met a woman whose boyfriend she walked in on with another man. she had been 86d the night before for attacking the guy her bf was with. “i brought a kitchen knife” & “i used to be addicted to heroin & crack” & “i fucked him (boyfriend) with a strap on” were just some nuggets
26 October 2019 : late last night my friend texted saying he was at the local bar so i put my bra back on & changed out of my pajamas to go hang out & find out how is date went and maybe it’s because i wasn’t drinking but that bar at 3:30am had some of the darkest energy i’ve ever encountered.
26 October 2019 : this just reminded me we gotta hang out soon
26 October 2019 : murderface
26 October 2019 : that’s true. i had an original that couldn’t save so i had to just. leave it on...?
26 October 2019 : sliced tomato!
26 October 2019 : please for the love of god let me know if you need any notes
26 October 2019 : yes that is the natural conclusion here
26 October 2019 : but you definitely do ingest trace amounts of sanitizer at any decent restaurant you go to, so.
26 October 2019 : fwiw the only ‘poisons’ we have on hand are bleach & degreaser, both of which you’d have to be given tiny doses of over a prolonged period to not notice the flavor/to become ill. i learned that from the sixth sense.
26 October 2019 : 😈😈😈 https://twitter.com/alyssalimp/status/1187961767516758017
26 October 2019 : please write this
26 October 2019 : ‘talia’ is about me just in case anyone’s lookin to fall in love w a total smokeshow
26 October 2019 : loved that film, the rurby jurby
26 October 2019 : ooooo
26 October 2019 : just tellin it like it is
26 October 2019 : 😩😩😩😩
26 October 2019 : full blake lively
26 October 2019 : the difference is i am a 29-year old female who has worked minimum wage jobs for over a decade and currently works as a line cook
26 October 2019 : i would dress up simply to figure out if the nice clothes i’ve hoarded waiting for the day i have a reason to wear them are clothes i actually like
26 October 2019 : imagine walking into a restaurant seeing this bombshell working the line and then getting your order and it’s perfect and beautiful too? honestly i’d be like ‘can you give that powerhouse my number’
26 October 2019 : 😭😭😭 i never wear good clothes to work because the second i do they get ruined! every time!
26 October 2019 : actually i usually work the cold line https://twitter.com/microsoft_usb/status/1187926862657478656
26 October 2019 : i’m too hot to be a linecook pic.twitter.com/WD07ZkQWGr
26 October 2019 : i don’t understand
26 October 2019 : hire me
26 October 2019 : i think the problem is i don’t understand anything
26 October 2019 : isn’t the paywall dependent on your own cache
26 October 2019 : the kominsky method is so funny it’s jarring
26 October 2019 : 2003
26 October 2019 : i arched it up and lengthened it lol
26 October 2019 : dress for the job you want right
26 October 2019 : gunna need to invest in some tailored suits
26 October 2019 : should i shave most of my head and just serve nonstop business butch energy pic.twitter.com/OqWwr56SZc
26 October 2019 : the scariest thing you can be for halloween is aware of your failures and the fruitlessness of your dreams
26 October 2019 : i got one at my last physical!
25 October 2019 : 😏😏😏
25 October 2019 : i dunno but they deserve an award
25 October 2019 : @felixsalmon it’s a cast iron butt juicer
25 October 2019 : HELL YEAH
25 October 2019 : lmao and then
25 October 2019 : 😎
25 October 2019 : 😩
25 October 2019 : this would be such a compelling book cover pic.twitter.com/y2pUiJN1kq
25 October 2019 : dusted off an old necklace and a lip to match it pic.twitter.com/muO39TQkXr
25 October 2019 : wow i hate this pic.twitter.com/zSQe0bLN6G
25 October 2019 : right?! so good!!
25 October 2019 : i was but the blade is dull & it caught on the cabbage and then FLOOP
25 October 2019 : ya i put a bandaid over it until i got home & was able to superglue it
25 October 2019 : i love that these videos & their ‘amateur to pro’ series include various people trying to do a single task, and then they have an expert come in and explain what works and why. i appreciate that a lot.
25 October 2019 : guys it’s fine, it hardly bled and didn’t hurt. it just needs glue so the two halves don’t get caught & pull on anything. i keep all my other nails short except my thumbs cuz they’re useful for tearing label tape & other mini tasks. pic.twitter.com/2QK0m8kWRC
25 October 2019 : sad thing is i’m pretty sure someone tossed our mando guard so there will be mishaps in the future until we get a new blade :(
25 October 2019 : i’m obsessed with this https://twitter.com/epicurious/status/1187830560955219968
25 October 2019 : yes?
25 October 2019 : consoling my coworker, who looked fully traumatized, when i noticed the mandolin had cut into my nailbed pic.twitter.com/6MZnenCO74
25 October 2019 : i know i’m really settling into kitchen life because today i put superglue on my finger after the mandolin sliced my nail down the center and into the nailbed. it’s come to gluing my body parts back together, completely unfazed. i could probably do just fine in a combat zone.
25 October 2019 : who did this pic.twitter.com/Shmmlw0hHY
25 October 2019 : he’s a lil laundry worm!
25 October 2019 : good
25 October 2019 : anyway, i love you.
25 October 2019 : i’m doing my best!!!!!
25 October 2019 : hahaha amazing. look at us, learning together!!
25 October 2019 : gotta reset that phone keyboard
25 October 2019 : oooo THE LAUNDROMAT is a very jazzy, packed story that uses a slower version of ‘the big short’s cheeky style and takes it a step further by demanding a call to action in a very ‘end of a play’ type monologue. zonks.
25 October 2019 : your face is a million times more delicate than you think!
25 October 2019 : i am. i’ve been folding laundry and made sure to pause it when i left the room instead of just lettin it play. what a story! huge!
25 October 2019 : lmaoooo
25 October 2019 : did u mean to tag the other talia lol
25 October 2019 : the facebook was originally built to rate classmates
25 October 2019 : a good test for whether you should use an exfoliating wash/cream/brush on your face is to use it on your butthole. if it is too much for the butt, it’s too much for your face. plus side of this is your butthole gets exfoliated, and i would argue it needs that more than your face.
25 October 2019 : lmao right? productivity my ass
25 October 2019 : ok yes also that but in fairness i did not know about that until after i found out about the same clothes thing
25 October 2019 : oh i saw you awhile ago!!!! i’m on part 5 now
25 October 2019 : we shoulda known mark zuckerberg was evil when he filled his closets with a ton of the same exact outfit like a fuckin cartoon character
25 October 2019 : meryl streep’s granddaughter is named talia? well, don’t mind if i do!
25 October 2019 : waiting for @zandywithaz to show up pic.twitter.com/FzxnoQgxGK
25 October 2019 : finished: LIVING WITH YOURSELF (such a fun premise! so much to play with!) up next: THE LAUNDROMAT and then: Jenny Slate’s special
25 October 2019 : he did it pic.twitter.com/PosYNX15dv
25 October 2019 : he’s so snakelike
25 October 2019 : lmfao he’s so stuck but he loves it?? pic.twitter.com/T50Z4wPmMO
25 October 2019 : laundry boy got so hyped for laundry he half wiggled out of his hip cool jacket. now it is JORTS. pic.twitter.com/cm48rzZPaL
25 October 2019 : no it wasn’t
25 October 2019 : jesus christ!!!!
25 October 2019 : its cheaper to promote internally than hire & train externally
25 October 2019 : ca fake fall is why i wait until december to take my ac out in new york. i don’t trust the weather to stay cold until it’s snowing.
25 October 2019 : i’m more terrified how i’m going to make a living wage for the rest of my life
25 October 2019 : joker’s trick, every year
25 October 2019 : would rather die alone tbh
25 October 2019 : RT @ambercrollo: I restrained myself, now that I'm sober I no longer throw drinks or fists. There was a woman at the table with him who gen…
25 October 2019 : RT @ambercrollo: ***TW Sexual Assault*** Hey everyone. You might have seen my tweet about cursing out Harvey Weinstein last night. As a r…
25 October 2019 : i’m your friend jon
24 October 2019 : i love everything about *you*
24 October 2019 : 😩😩😩
24 October 2019 : truly. here’s freddie pic.twitter.com/LpTMo4K0QU
24 October 2019 : i appreciate you too and i hope things ease up very soon 💗 i foresee a long, hot epsom salt bath in your future 💕
24 October 2019 : i’m deadly serious! you work very hard and are a very good person and deserve whatever support i can provide 💗
24 October 2019 : i am thrilled to one day take a dump on your grave
24 October 2019 : happy birthday gender-coded spaces make me deeply uncomfortable too!!!!
24 October 2019 : it’s all coming up talhouse pic.twitter.com/f66kA6uhtN
24 October 2019 : i hope the day gets easier for you and i’m glad this brought you a tender slice of joy
24 October 2019 : :( back pain is awful. sending you vibes of good stretches & lots of weed & a relaxing weekend. also if there’s any administrative stuff i could assist with feel free to dm, i’d be happy to help ease your workload a bit
24 October 2019 : ‘feelin bored, might fuck around & do a lil fashion shoot in my backyard’
24 October 2019 : mindy kaling’s twitter has become such a wonderful flex at all times it’s incredible
24 October 2019 : 😎😎😎 https://twitter.com/rothful/status/1187460587816706048
24 October 2019 : how ya doin on them meds my friend
24 October 2019 : lemme email rolls royce real quick
24 October 2019 : i’m trying to only think positively about this possible job and so i have metabolized this turn of events as “you ask good questions and you are a kind person and you deserve good things” instead of anxiety-dreading not getting it & the article never going live
24 October 2019 : if i don’t get this job at least i’ll have a boos block. so that’s soothing.
24 October 2019 : i’m legit shaking i have wanted a boos block for half a decade but they’re so expensive that i could never justify the purchase and then i reached out to fact check about their (very affordable and excellent) mystery oil and now i’m getting one holy fucking shit
24 October 2019 : THUS THE FREAKOUT
24 October 2019 : @avivamuse lmfao right?
24 October 2019 : IM REELING
24 October 2019 : actually i made the joke “i also wouldn’t say no to a free butcher block haha” and then i was like but seriously you can send oil samples here. HOLY SHIT WHAT
24 October 2019 : HOLY SHIT i made a JOKE that i’d buy a boos block if i got this job i’m hoping i get and gave her my info to send SAMPLE PACKS OF MYSTERY OIL and instead she’s sending ALL OF THIS I CANT STOP SAYING HOLY SHIT pic.twitter.com/DoZoF8sdoC
24 October 2019 : that sounds like some shit i’d write
24 October 2019 : thank you raf u gentle angel
24 October 2019 : it’s a small thing that can make you feel just a lil bit fancy. can be used on any untreated wood
24 October 2019 : because it contains mineral oil, it can be used to help remove/prevent rust but it likely isn’t as effective as pure mineral oil. it’s food safe & shelf stable.
24 October 2019 : boos block mystery oil is $10 and it is used to moisturize wood culinary tools like cutting boards, tables, spoons. they recommend monthly usage but i use it maybe 2x a year.
24 October 2019 : the weird thing about talking about minimum wage work/life and also kitchen products is that folks who know a lot about kitchen stuff/would enjoy these tweets are typically not minimum wage workers. think we oughta break that knowledge barrier down.
24 October 2019 : let him
24 October 2019 : i’m so excited to open some tiny packs of mystery oil to experiment with them my hands are sweating. oh my god TRAVEL SIZED BOOS MYSTERY OIL CAN YOU IMAGINE oh my god
24 October 2019 : i’m communicating with the boos block marketing/comms specialist about the ingredients in their mystery oil and she just offered to send me samples of their latest oil because the recipe may be different from the one i have and i am full-on freaking out
24 October 2019 : the folks who blindly praised avenatti will definitely fangirl over an old letter some museum finds where hitler wrote “women’s rights are human rights” make no mistake
24 October 2019 : that annoying opportunist lawyer who eventually basta’d himself. i hope everyone who blindly applauded his self-promotion barely disguised as activism knows not to do that now. but likely they have not learned.
24 October 2019 : it updates every 11 days
24 October 2019 : you have the *time* to learn to cook at home and could afford to make mistakes, whereas folks who eat out don’t have the confidence/time to learn, can’t afford to waste food, or they’re too tired to cook
24 October 2019 : had to try
24 October 2019 : a perfect litmus test on whether you should change therapists is how loudly they yell “OHHHHH DAAAAAAAMN CHECK YOU OUUUUUTTTTTT” when you walk in if no yelling get a new therapist
24 October 2019 : oh shit yes
24 October 2019 : you may be the first person in the history of the world to say “i love my customer service retail job” hahaha
24 October 2019 : i took a pay cut that’s got me really strained but i would not take a $2 raise for the expected responsibilities it would involve
24 October 2019 : *waits* pic.twitter.com/pIpxJK2oa3
24 October 2019 : paypal me $500
24 October 2019 : with a foreword by punk legend mary berry
24 October 2019 : change your display to big tiddy goth gf
24 October 2019 : that’s the problem.
24 October 2019 : the anarchist’s cookbook, but with actual recipes and cooking tips
24 October 2019 : all i want to do in life is learn absolutely everything about food science and help people feel confident in the kitchen while also advocating for workers rights and destroying the systems that sustain white supremacist capitalism IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK
24 October 2019 : i don’t know about y’all but i def need to know who’d hob my gobblin best
24 October 2019 : holy fuck
24 October 2019 : anyway, ACAB
24 October 2019 : i would be perfectly happy being a line cook forever if it paid a living wage and provided health insurance/benefits. but the system is built so you can’t get those things unless you give yourself over to cop brain, which i tried but couldn’t stomach. it’s disgusting.
24 October 2019 : at my current job i’ve repeatedly said i have no interest in pursuing a shift lead and the one day i had to take home a key i actively recoiled.
24 October 2019 : i was a supervisor at my last job and i stepped down because i hated the authority & the expectation to give 100% of myself to a job. i much preferred being on the line and knowing everything about the job but using that to help folks out shoulder to shoulder.
24 October 2019 : it’s fucked that you gotta become the man
24 October 2019 : it’s a catch-22. the folks who’d be the best managers knowingly avoid the position and those who are the worst actively pursue it.
24 October 2019 : you can also tell folks who’ve moved up just because they were competent/experienced but don’t like the authoritarian expectations of management positions. they’re relaxed and empathetic of their workers needs. anyone who loves being a manager is bad at managing people.
24 October 2019 : anyone who strives for career advancement so they can be in charge of others - versus to expand their skillset or acquire a better wage on level with their experience - is a cop and you can smell it and they should be avoided, not trusted.
24 October 2019 : i’m still laughing cuz i overheard someone who gives off extreme cop vibes talking about how they used to be a manager at their last job and i was like “of course you were”
24 October 2019 : stay gold, ponyboy
24 October 2019 : it’s grunge season babby pic.twitter.com/MNEXNLg5U9
24 October 2019 : these people should stay in the system and fight from within. i don’t know how the move of ‘quitting to advocate’ helps anyone except the person looking to cash in on speaking engagements and book deals. https://twitter.com/tomgara/status/1187353857992613891
24 October 2019 : i wanna fart with you on a mountain i wanna fart with you in the sea i wanna lay like this forever facing opposite directions so we can fart on each other’s butts while we sleep
24 October 2019 : hahahahahaha goddamn it
24 October 2019 : this is the earliest i’ve ever taken it out and i’m positive i will regret it. i don’t trust the cold until after the first snow.
24 October 2019 : it’s that time of year where you take your air conditioner out of your window and then immediately wish you could turn the AC on to cool down.
24 October 2019 : i made extra pasta to leave in the sauce just to confirm it dissolved it. what a fun experience!
24 October 2019 : incredible
24 October 2019 : ok so in a stunning twist, apparently there is no pasta in the sauce. or the water helped the pasta break down completely? a mystery. but the sauce had about half an inch of water covering it and when i pulled it out just now it was just a thin layer. did i dissolve pasta.
24 October 2019 : i’ve never done it before so i have no idea what’ll happen. a fun experiment!
24 October 2019 : i attempted a thing last night wherein i stored my leftover pasta (after it had been tossed in sauce) in a layer of pasta water on the logic that the extra liquid would help it keep + make it easier to reheat. place your bets on how it turns out:
24 October 2019 : i’ll have her any way i can get her
24 October 2019 : oh shit pic.twitter.com/1Y1AkpkUvT
24 October 2019 : ‘LIVING WITH YOURSELF’ has everything a basic white woman could ever want from a show: paul rudd, and paul rudd
24 October 2019 : close enough!
24 October 2019 : there should be a guillotine emoji
24 October 2019 : the combined net worth of the 4 richest people in the world could pay for us to buy 20 years to fix climate change and they’d still have 65 billion leftover for like jet skis and stuff pic.twitter.com/qDnaxbo3Vo
24 October 2019 : i know where we can get an 18.5% headstart on funding this pic.twitter.com/Y7DB7orEV0
24 October 2019 : he doesn’t understand the joke of claiming republicans voted for the green new deal
24 October 2019 : be quiet harry
24 October 2019 : post-late capitalism sure looks a lot like fascism
24 October 2019 : google embedding surveillance software to union bust & amazon buying the seattle city council off & facebook happily taking money to let politicians lie in advertisements and twitter blatantly courting nazis sure seems like we’ve nosedived right past the point of no return.
24 October 2019 : i wonder what brand of foundation he uses. i’m guessing MAC because the matte powder has pretty heavy coverage but sets somewhat yellow.
24 October 2019 : pic.twitter.com/F0i7JbBXpo
24 October 2019 : the last five seconds are solid gold https://twitter.com/nowthisnews/status/1187134352842313728
23 October 2019 : they’re literally just for the delivery person
23 October 2019 : nope
23 October 2019 : last year the day before thanksgiving my job had such a long line as soon as we opened that someone called *from* the line to find out what was taking so long and all i could say was “it’s the day before thanksgiving” and they threatened to leave and i was like “okay”
23 October 2019 : don’t order delivery on holidays or holiday weekends. everyone orders delivery on holidays and holiday weekends and it is insane. the restaurant workers don’t earn commission for extra orders. they don’t earn tips on delivery.
23 October 2019 : my work is anticipating its annual health inspection and i’m so excited for everyone to brush up on health code and talk incessantly about The Danger Zone
23 October 2019 : this morning a gal was standing in the middle of the sidewalk as her dog sniffed someone’s fence. she saw me coming but didn’t bother to move so i had to walk through the dirt to go around them. as i walked past, she whispered “sorry” and i whispered back “no you’re not”
23 October 2019 : tiny changes have a magical ability of building on themselves. it’s the same method for building lasting worker & community solidarity from a place of empathy.
23 October 2019 : NO THEY ARE THE LAST BASTION OF PURE GOODNESS WE HAVE
23 October 2019 : i’m very glad to hear that! feels better, right?
23 October 2019 : @eorvieto @manymanywords glad to see you evolved and came to the light
23 October 2019 : matt gaetz is a punk bitch
23 October 2019 : oxford comma 4 life
23 October 2019 : yeeees
23 October 2019 : ooo that’s a good color
23 October 2019 : people should get paid time and a half when they work on the heaviest days of their period
23 October 2019 : also jami writes with such precision that it’s a huge page turner
23 October 2019 : you’ll notice the key distinction here is while she’s described in details that illustrate her personality, she’s not sexualized or treated with a male gaze. that’s craft.
23 October 2019 : OH i knew it was one of them!!
23 October 2019 : KRANCH
23 October 2019 : Literature
23 October 2019 : set phasers to sorry
23 October 2019 : did u take this pic while speeding through a wormhole
23 October 2019 : not bad for being medium drunk and hungry pic.twitter.com/UUGkszM3eh
23 October 2019 : yes it’s extremely good
23 October 2019 : i’m reading it now and i’m even MORE IN AWE OF YOU 😭😭😭
23 October 2019 : holy hell that sunblock imagery is so fucking vivid and precise. pic.twitter.com/bqBFlj18bg
23 October 2019 : love when the train is just empty enough that you can see the middle bars all the way through the next car pic.twitter.com/en4jqjtVUy
23 October 2019 : then when they get off to stand intimidatingly be like “eat shit, map boy” right as the doors close
23 October 2019 : next time you see a cop on the subway say “hey map boy, where’s this train going”
23 October 2019 : i love to use the cops on the subway to give me directions and that’s it. you are a map boy, nothing else.
23 October 2019 : my nemesis, who thinks she’s edgy by regurgitating the most basic talking points, doesn’t think anyone is “pro-abortion.” i am pro-abortion. also, no one should be having children. sterilize all cis men. pic.twitter.com/cUwffazoXW
23 October 2019 : i can’t get over the *texture* of this cover. it’s so fucking good my god
23 October 2019 : that’s cool i guess. buy the book.
23 October 2019 : I THINK SO
23 October 2019 : i drank a drink someone else ordered thinking it would be good but that was, in fact, not good pic.twitter.com/EerrYl10Jl
23 October 2019 : this is. white girl dream bathroom. holy hell!
23 October 2019 : when can i come over tbh
23 October 2019 : legit aroused at the prospect of reading what, from the q&a, sounds like a fucking *triumph* of literature. and i got a sid sticker!!!! thank you @jamiattenberg you goddamn beautiful kind genius pic.twitter.com/UP4ZIyGBzS
23 October 2019 : NARS, baby!!!!
23 October 2019 : hahaha wait which one
23 October 2019 : no on the contrary state into your reflection and FIND GOD
23 October 2019 : that sounds like a dream 😭😭😭
23 October 2019 : thank you @mb for joining me at this illuminating and wonderful event you are such a gem!!!!!
23 October 2019 : love a good toilet mirror so you can watch yourself shit!!!!! pic.twitter.com/ayjPK04vfR
23 October 2019 : they won’t clam up about their clams!!!!
23 October 2019 : jami ended the q&a with “i’m just going to keep doing my thing until someone tells me i can’t. but i’d like to see them try.” i c o n i c
23 October 2019 : listening to jami and julie talk about jami’s new book and holy shit jami’s such a casual genius. she plays with words like a cat who’s caught a mouse.
22 October 2019 : and julie orringer!!!! pic.twitter.com/L8xY3Wgr0c
22 October 2019 : it’s jami attenberg!!!! pic.twitter.com/uLooh1WoP5
22 October 2019 : you’ll never guess who’s at @jamiattenberg ’s book event!!!! pic.twitter.com/ftPrLRtUyA
22 October 2019 : lmao
22 October 2019 : i love you guys but you really gotta untag me when you try being sassy at something i retweeted you’re destroying me
22 October 2019 : all it ever is is ‘how can i turn this into an easy 6-figure book deal’. the folks who hate trump but work for him love money more than anything. pic.twitter.com/6uhpPX5ZMO
22 October 2019 : took this incredibly bad photo to send to my roommate and i’m pretty sure my cat is an alien. pic.twitter.com/p1sosCx0rd
22 October 2019 : you better. maybe we’ll spot the dude from charlie & the chocolate factory again.
22 October 2019 : oh well shit goodbye then!!
22 October 2019 : oh definitely
22 October 2019 : sis needs to turn google alerts off for her name honestly
22 October 2019 : you were so careful about how you analyzed her presence & she still immediately reduced it to the opposite of what you said lmao
22 October 2019 : it was perfect. + i’ve gotten all of my writing jobs by busking my persona & ideas on twitter. it’s not difficult or bad to admit that SM is a tool. it’s weird/hilarious that LD chooses to reduce her own work by reducing how much work she puts into her social.
22 October 2019 : this was wonderful. so thorough, precise, insightful, and more words i don’t know. i love the immediate SATC joke you squeezed in and how real the dissonance/duality is.
22 October 2019 : omg i looked and it’s such a mess
22 October 2019 : so are they pic.twitter.com/WeiGMFY69d
22 October 2019 : there’s no equivalent it’s the same measurements!! lol
22 October 2019 : wow! that’s impressive as hell
22 October 2019 : who needs a period tracker when you can just tweet a joke about being on your period and then self-search the next time you need to know when your last period started (oct. 21 2019)
22 October 2019 : 😪
22 October 2019 : zoomies, even
22 October 2019 : they got the zoomed
22 October 2019 : cuz their size chart will say like, waist: 34-36 for L but if you got a model whose waist is 35 and they’re wearing a small, well that clears up more confusion than a little spectrum where a dot is just randomly placed between “runs small” “true to size” and “runs large”
22 October 2019 : they love obfuscatin
22 October 2019 : instead of ‘model is 5’9” and wearing a size S’ retailers should list the model’s bust, waist, and hip measurements to compare against the retailer’s size chart and the measurements of your own human body
22 October 2019 : @OMGFunkyKing hahaha thank you for clarifying
22 October 2019 : omg!!!!!!
22 October 2019 : i just wanted to get a flaming hot cheetos body suit for me and a carefully curated assortment of accessories for my roommate!!!
22 October 2019 : neat money-saving trick i just learned: i did a bunch of math and spent a long time winnowing down my basket to what i could afford after the sale code and then i logged in and it said the 50% off code expired so then i logged out and it cleared my basket and now i am too tired.
22 October 2019 : somehow i got included in a massive spam email and folks have just been replying to it asking to be unsubscribed. can’t decide if my favorite is the lady who’s like “i agree. also why am i getting this” or the guy overinvested in sounding snarky, or the actual restaurant pic.twitter.com/vpQTOc7yDN
22 October 2019 : 2 things to note is now is a good time to buy bathing suits bc they're all on sale & forever21 has an extra 50% off all their sale items (also an 'everything on sale is $3 in store' thing) bc they're goin under lol
22 October 2019 : omg
22 October 2019 : a rough time
22 October 2019 : @StabbyLaLa ooo solid!
22 October 2019 : i did that
22 October 2019 : it... basically worked. but the moisture made the exterior kinda slimy.
22 October 2019 : my roommate bought bagels a few days ago & they got hard so i cut one open and wrapped it in a damp paper towel + aluminum foil. put it in the convection oven for two minutes to let the steam rehydrate the bread. the aluminum foil prevents the liquid from evaporating as it cools.
22 October 2019 : useful to oil after you buy them/before use because they’ve been sitting dry for who knows how long so a first wash could oversaturate the wood fiber
22 October 2019 : hand wash, let em dry. plus oil them with boos block mystery oil when you notice they’re getting ashy.
22 October 2019 : he’s legitimately only trying to say stuff to get engagement. don’t fall for it.
22 October 2019 : is pig poop balls when you pitch to a publication who rejects you and assigns your pitch to a staff writer?
22 October 2019 : well that is certainly an analogy
22 October 2019 : doing something like that would be so fucking bonkers and incredible
22 October 2019 : it would be so funny if this were a graph charting the plot as two characters starting out at the same place end up dramatically diverging from one another https://twitter.com/matthewacherry/status/1186463619451621376
22 October 2019 : i felt a great disturbance in the force, as if every cishet guy suddenly hit ‘send’ on their star wars trailer tweets, and were suddenly distracted by boobs saying politics.
22 October 2019 : get in bitch we’re going corporate deregulating pic.twitter.com/Bpmb5NeTmv
22 October 2019 : gotta love it
22 October 2019 : oh wow
22 October 2019 : urban?
22 October 2019 : sponsored stories with multiple posts piss me off. i am trying to be polite by simply tapping but you have duped me and now i must SWIPE???? for shame. my grandfather flew planes in the war.
22 October 2019 : love the energy of a notes app apology in Dark Mode
22 October 2019 : i ate a cbd gummy and took my meds and proceeded to sleep for precisely two hours
22 October 2019 : HELL YES
22 October 2019 : i’m a light sleeper but sound doesn’t bother me much. i’ll hear stuff but it won’t necessarily wake me up. it’s mostly useful for hearing my cat about to barf or chewing on something he shouldn’t.
22 October 2019 : wow
22 October 2019 : i will
22 October 2019 : wait she did???
22 October 2019 : i don’t usually snore so it’s always fun when i wake up after i’ve been snoring and i’m like “why did that gentle background noise suddenly stop and why is my mouth so dry”
22 October 2019 : pete
22 October 2019 : the pitch should be “if you give me money, someone weak and nonsensical will drop out of this crowded race instead of me, the strong smart boy.” i would give him $20 immediately if i read that. https://twitter.com/robjgoldberg/status/1186438666169618432
22 October 2019 : folks should donate just to keep him in longer than the baby in a suit and the russian hot mess
22 October 2019 : 800k is... not that much? this tweet went live 9 hours ago and is barely over 1k rts. campaigning on social media is so weird.
22 October 2019 : huh https://twitter.com/juliancastro/status/1186297637823234049
22 October 2019 : “here’s some hot creamy banana ham pudding, ooo is that gumbo? yes please!”
22 October 2019 : @weischoice hahahaha this is like when medicine cabinets had a slot for razor blades. folks just. stuck them in the wall.
22 October 2019 : sounds like a brilliant grift tbh
21 October 2019 : oh shit!!!
21 October 2019 : lmao
21 October 2019 : i am currently not available to take on extra work but that may change in the next few weeks! thanks for thinking of me!
21 October 2019 : the ego manifests in extraordinary ways
21 October 2019 : this tastes like sweet pickles and... i’m... into it??? pic.twitter.com/ZLIl8GyB6D
21 October 2019 : hoisted by my own pet-ard
21 October 2019 : shit
21 October 2019 : grains move through hole instead of staying stuck to spoon and the movement of the grains as they release their starch with risotto is what gets it creamy. no hole spoon takes a little longer and requires slightly lower temp
21 October 2019 : can not wait to see who’ll self cancel this season!
21 October 2019 : omg pic.twitter.com/MBGHBpExf5
21 October 2019 : movement
21 October 2019 : the smiley face spoon is basically ornamental. useless for cooking risotto or any sort of grain effectively. i can’t throw it out because i’m scared it will return.
21 October 2019 : risotto spoons are distinct from regular wooden spoons because they usually have a hole in the center and a pointed side or tip for scraping risotto from the curves of the pot. if they have no hole they tend to have a deeper bowl. pic.twitter.com/RlaYJ4gJrj
21 October 2019 : lol
21 October 2019 : ruin spoons?
21 October 2019 : @a24 i have an idea for y’all
21 October 2019 : is it a mood or what pic.twitter.com/qde18Rfino
21 October 2019 : two years ago i bought this smiley faced risotto spoon from my job and then i learned that you shouldn’t leave wooden cooking tools soaking overnight because they will become incredibly cursed. pic.twitter.com/POPmUf4bfY
21 October 2019 : are we writing a song right now
21 October 2019 : if only to stop from crying
21 October 2019 : lmao
21 October 2019 : i also wasn’t credited for the work. literally the only proof i have that i did it was a congratulations email after they reviewed my submission. someone straining to get by who gets a shot should not be received by their peers like a drop of dish soap hitting oily water.
21 October 2019 : i once got a job writing trivia for an app and when i was finally allowed to announce i had been working on it, i watched a comedian who follows me on here have a breakdown in real time over it. that gig didn’t launch my career. i still had to work my full time smoothie job.
21 October 2019 : the core of worker solidarity is empathy. classism and oppression has resentment and apathy baked in. uncouple your perception from the classist status quo. even if you never get your shot, at least you practiced positivity and kindness. don’t let the turkeys get you down.
21 October 2019 : this is separate from someone who comes from money or who has financial stability getting promotions or glitzy gigs and becoming the manager that they were groomed to be. this is for the folks who are just shooting for stability, not being the boss. bosses suck.
21 October 2019 : when a worker you know gets their foot in the door, that’s something you should celebrate. that worker broke through, and they will hold the door open to help others get through, too.
21 October 2019 : i’m p sure that collectively we are the genius
21 October 2019 : worker solidarity is not just advocating for stronger unions. it’s about supporting other workers in your life, regardless of your own circumstances.
21 October 2019 : by that i mean it encourages in-fighting instead of lifting each other up against the barriers that keep us all down.
21 October 2019 : i was chatting with genius @elizabcking about how workers tend to resent when another worker gets a shot. she pointed out that this tendency is rooted in the same mythology that makes poor folks believe poverty is an individual failing versus a systemic one.
21 October 2019 : someone else’s progress has no bearing or impact on your own. celebrate other people’s successes separate from your personal journey.
21 October 2019 : [cellist] i beg your pardon!
21 October 2019 : it’s largely why i had to leave
21 October 2019 : “it’s a decent bake” *tapping the cellist* “seems a bit spotty”
21 October 2019 : ~lets do lunch~
21 October 2019 : i’d ask you to hang out but in LA that just means ‘would you like to consider the thought of socializing with me’ and not actually meeting up :(
21 October 2019 : holy hell
21 October 2019 : things required for a watchable youtube channel in 2019: - at least one decent camera - strategic lighting/equipment - a lot of free time to edit the video - good sound equipment and various tools to make a space ‘film-ready’ this doesn’t include the cost of materials for cooking
21 October 2019 : that’s vers not bi
21 October 2019 : i would love to do this but the process of creating one involves a sort of expendable income i do not have https://twitter.com/gromble/status/1186347473658400768
21 October 2019 : you can be cis, nonbinary, trans, femme, masc, or anywhere in between or beyond and you will still look good in overalls.
21 October 2019 : they are pants as well as a top, and yet simultaneously neither. unlike the stereotypes of polyamory associated with bisexuality, overalls can only be worn with one person at a time, but they look great with anyone.
21 October 2019 : overalls are bisexual.
21 October 2019 : folks get all curmudgeony about kids these days getting sucked into social media and tv but at least we have enough distractions that we aren’t encasing a full, live orchestra in a pie crust
21 October 2019 : “Philip the Good’s chef, who in 1454 encased a full, live orchestra in a pie crust.” LMFAO https://twitter.com/elizabcking/status/1186342952488058880
21 October 2019 : holy shit i would love it if this thread were my job
21 October 2019 : that said, someone in my mentions just made me realize that this dish may be a bastardized/gentrified effort at ‘americanizing’ mofongo, which is delicious and perfect and should never be americanized
21 October 2019 : might as well just make mofongo
21 October 2019 : lmfao they gentrified mofongo
21 October 2019 : it has legs!!!!!
21 October 2019 : ooo i like that read
21 October 2019 : are recipes like this why julia child went apeshit in france, where pursuit of culinary excellence was a main priority in cooking whereas american cooking was centered on the same bland boring shit every single day
21 October 2019 : i want to know how this recipe happened. why were mid century recipes so bizarre and disgusting. is it because american kitchens focused on homogenization versus food chemistry until the sexual revolution and then everyone just made batshit stuff to break the chain
21 October 2019 : lol no you gotta leave the bitter nubs on to get the full torture experience
21 October 2019 : it’s basically caramelized bananas with mustard and ham. what a cruelty.
21 October 2019 : this recipe comes about 20 years after the gros michel was replaced by the present-day variety
21 October 2019 : no, 6 medium bananas. https://vintagerecipecards.com/2011/06/15/ham-and-bananas-hollandaise/
21 October 2019 : so the mustard brings up the tartness in the hollandaise, which has a creaminess that could partially mesh with banana. and the banana’s sweetness would mesh with the ham. but a tart, creamy, sweet meaty smushy blob still fails to be appealing.
21 October 2019 : also i’m not going to make this because i dislike ham. but the recipe calls for mustard as well as hollandaise. ham and banana are both sweet. mustard is tart. i’ve had hollandaise like once and according to google it should taste rich & creamy & a little lemony.
21 October 2019 : i thought at first maybe they used the previous breed of banana (gros michel) but those were wiped out in the 1950s and this recipe is from 1973, so the bananas used here would be the same as present-day.
21 October 2019 : ok so i found the recipe. sh...should i... https://twitter.com/ranjodhd/status/1186247682425282562
21 October 2019 : ah the cold sweaty hands finally kicked in okay cool
21 October 2019 : i wonder if they don't like... cut the sweaters for that? or do a small tuck in front and then shove everything in the back for clean lines. or the models have just long enough torsos that they don't need to tuck beyond an inch or so.
21 October 2019 : i will throw in the extra pasta attachment
21 October 2019 : they fucked him over didn't they pic.twitter.com/UgEQHanftJ
21 October 2019 : i have recently done this with a few medium-thick sweaters and find that the key is only tucking the front into the first inch or so (the band) between the pockets. i can't imagine a full tuck working with anything but a very thin sweater.
21 October 2019 : i sent an email and now my entire future rests in other people's hands and i should be more overwhelmed by this but i am..........not. why do i thrive in chaos.
21 October 2019 : 🥰 https://reductress.com/post/hot-work-gossip-mostly-about-unionizing/
21 October 2019 : shoutout to my dream wherein i disqualified someone from running for public office because they did not sufficiently “respect cauliflower.” cold facts.
21 October 2019 : lol apparently i already had him blocked
21 October 2019 : nooooo i will watch for you
21 October 2019 : my roommate is six hours ahead of me thank GOD i can freak out at her about this
21 October 2019 : this helped: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0
21 October 2019 : i feel like i can breathe again!!!
21 October 2019 : who is up that i can chat with about how i’m pretty sure i just finished fine-tuning an edit test due today
21 October 2019 : condi?
21 October 2019 : who favorites tweets about train delays at almost 6am, is what i wanna know. do they think the heart is a 'mark as read' button?
21 October 2019 : it's almost like they wait until right before the normies begin waking up so they can be sure to start the day off on the absolutely worst foot pic.twitter.com/QiYLrLmN9A
21 October 2019 : i love to check twitter at 5:52am on a monday and all the recent tweets are from nyct subway about how every train is broken
21 October 2019 : grow out your nails and pubes so you have something to trim when you’re stress-tempted to give yourself bangs
21 October 2019 : i had a writing breakthrough thanks to a lengthy phone call with @gaporwave who kindly informed me that for a phone call with me, he decided to sit on the toilet :’)
21 October 2019 : tell rhyse to give you my number
21 October 2019 : are any mutuals awake right now and willing to let me mildly stress out at them it is a creative emergency
21 October 2019 : *dj khalid begins to sweat more so than usual*
21 October 2019 : lmaoooo
21 October 2019 : 1 in 6 millennials who invented apps in 2006 have saved $100,000
21 October 2019 : 💗💕💗💕
21 October 2019 : no they don’t and this is stupid https://twitter.com/cnbc/status/1186075946417344512
21 October 2019 : ok you got me i cannot disagree
21 October 2019 : let’s retire YOUR FACE
21 October 2019 : whys everyone’s suit so big
21 October 2019 : folks spend decades shouting clear warnings from the rooftops to passive acknowledgement and then when everything crumbles they can’t even say “i told you so” because the last-ditch effort of a failing system is to silence as many dissenters as possible lol happy sunday
21 October 2019 : the only emergency brake that exists in capitalism is full blown revolt & there are so many factors at play that discourage folks against fighting for their better interests that the brake will likely never be pulled in the modern U.S. until long after capitalism implodes lol
21 October 2019 : pretty cool how easily an entire country that trains its citizens to believe in its unmatched superiority can sell itself to another country if it’ll make a handful of people richer and there’s not really anything that can be done to stop it
21 October 2019 : haha ok i was gunna say ‘you’ve had an umbrella old enough to remember the start of the iraq war’
21 October 2019 : for that i also prefer a hat, plus sunscreen and sunglasses but i understand when the sun is at full blast a simple brim cannot compete
21 October 2019 : you still have an umbrella from 16 years ago?!
21 October 2019 : i got bleach on my overalls tonight and now i match the subway. all i need is a drunk couple making out during showtime, a dog in a bag, and the recycling cart guy and my halloween costume is DONE. pic.twitter.com/zn4uzTzRZS
21 October 2019 : WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS https://twitter.com/copydan/status/1186119128421228544
21 October 2019 : WHY
21 October 2019 : lmao i can’t afford it and it’s scary there
20 October 2019 : we sold out before i could do the poo :(
20 October 2019 : sounds ideal
20 October 2019 : whose, even
20 October 2019 : who’s fault is that then
20 October 2019 : you can if you believe in yourself
20 October 2019 : sounds like you should just always keep the hat on then. saves you money and time.
20 October 2019 : lmao imagining pants with umbrellas tied around the knees
20 October 2019 : i feel bad for people who use umbrellas because they don’t know that a hooded raincoat and a baseball cap works just as well and doesn’t make navigating sidewalks a fucking nightmare.
20 October 2019 : wtf is an seo hed/dek supposed to look like lmao i thought i knew
20 October 2019 : he’s too stoned lol
20 October 2019 : terrifying. you’re eating breakfast cookies. and they. know. pic.twitter.com/8ebpwDPE8R
20 October 2019 : this coming from the gal who wrote 10k words on shitting lmao
20 October 2019 : those are screenshots from someone else’s account and i know at least 6 of them were me lmao
20 October 2019 : you'll never guess what i just wrote 900 words about, but suffice to say it might be the most words someone has ever written about it and now i need to go to bed before i realize how bad it all is!!!
20 October 2019 : a mess! https://twitter.com/deathcab4booty/status/1185824170103328768
20 October 2019 : oh christ
20 October 2019 : legally i gotta stop at 666 right pic.twitter.com/jW1bQMWhD9
20 October 2019 : wow they've got some seriously shitass names too. here i am using my first and middle name because it sounds good and they're here being like 'samantha dawn' and 'renner kellyann' like what the fuck white 'named after my great aunt' bullshit
20 October 2019 : @gaporwave come get your mans
20 October 2019 : hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
20 October 2019 : you didn't block out their names you dumbass
20 October 2019 : (canola oil comes from a variety of rapeseed)
20 October 2019 : shoutout to canola oil manufacturers for realizing folks don't want to buy a product called 'rapeseed' no matter how much healthier than vegetable oil it is
20 October 2019 : idk it’s mostly about the imagery i think
20 October 2019 : i can smell the neckbeard that wrote this pic.twitter.com/XANER8qKDh
20 October 2019 : language is beautiful and disgusting https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Yeet
20 October 2019 : i will have yought pic.twitter.com/2HtVeqEh6O
20 October 2019 : gunna do one tomorrow that says poo lol i am mad with power!!!!!!!!!!!!!
20 October 2019 : wow
20 October 2019 : plus “twentysomething”
20 October 2019 : yeeeeeeet
20 October 2019 : transmissible spongiform encephalopathy ahhh, music to my ears. https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/1184481981238775808
20 October 2019 : im so glad you exist
20 October 2019 : happy birthday you goddamn goddess
20 October 2019 : oh shit oh fuck oh damn o shitfuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! https://twitter.com/TheAliciaKraft/status/1185788988881330179
20 October 2019 : the tangy, delicious ghost
20 October 2019 : the one i made for my manager spread so much the B looked like the mask from scream.
20 October 2019 : the hot cheese sauce causes the sour cream letters to spread which makes it spookier the longer it sits
20 October 2019 : today at work i made a boo-rito and as soon as i sent the first one out, six more people ordered it. the linecook version of killing a set. pic.twitter.com/0f2xkY5sKa
20 October 2019 : big tech gets the good side only
20 October 2019 : i only take half-face photos so when the tech demons harvest my data they can only replicate a version of my face that’s, for once, symmetrically perfect
20 October 2019 : an insult i just thought of but will never have the guts to say out loud: stick your dick in your own ass and go fuck yourself
19 October 2019 : IM SAYING
19 October 2019 : then i drank a red bull and like fifteen minutes later got swamped with orders and flew through them. what a ride.
19 October 2019 : lol i talked to my manager about my anxiety disorder when i got to work and i cried and then like three hours later i was like “lmao i imagine if i ate edibles this is what i’d be like right before i said “i don’t think it’s working””
19 October 2019 : i ate it like “just pretend it’s really well-done”
19 October 2019 : i took one before work and bought a red bull just to make sure
19 October 2019 : yes i did forget to take my anti anxiety medication for three days why do you ask
19 October 2019 : ooooo
19 October 2019 : i play this game on my phone (2048) to come down from anxiety and i can always tell when i really need it versus when i’m just normal nervous because i end up getting the 2048 tile
19 October 2019 : more like thicc offerman pic.twitter.com/n1ZiLKvBa8
19 October 2019 : it’ll be fine i texted my manager an update and that helped a little it is tender times but if i can get up and get ready that habit will override the system and get me on my way to work
19 October 2019 : self care
19 October 2019 : i’m on the verge of a panic attack and it’s not helping that i look so hot. pic.twitter.com/700Kjx2kN3
19 October 2019 : it’s not cute or funny it’s annoying and rude
19 October 2019 : does your rally include free child care
19 October 2019 : i haven’t been paying much attention but i’m so tempted to believe a conspiracy theory where she’s actually a democrat being bullied by fascists & nazis & russian bots because her campaign is... a legitimate threat(???) but lmao
19 October 2019 : @BernieSanders do this same rally on tuesday
19 October 2019 : *struggling to bite through the burnt parts* i meant to do this
19 October 2019 : i started fixing myself a bowl of cereal because i forgot i was toasting a bagel 😰 pic.twitter.com/uz9PAi3PcU
19 October 2019 : my pin arrived 🥰 pic.twitter.com/IdRuLN7NZk
19 October 2019 : oh go eat a bowl of farts harry you know better
19 October 2019 : bernie should hold a rally at 11am on a tuesday so everyone who works a minimum wage job can come by because we’re always fuckin scheduled to work weekends
19 October 2019 : if i retweet something saying cis men should shut up, don't fucking respond to it. i'm spreading the message that cis men should shut the fuck up, not inviting cis men to make jokes at the concept of shutting the fuck up. just shut the fuck up. jesus fucking christ.
19 October 2019 : i feel like tulsi getting endorsed by david duke
19 October 2019 : oh my god i had to un-retweet this because my followers are a fucking nightmare who don't know when to shut the fuck up. i am so sorry.
19 October 2019 : dont fucking embarrass me like this jesus fucking christ
19 October 2019 : what the fuck is happening with tulsi's campaign
19 October 2019 : just the one is all you need to get a full plate of every single cliche.
19 October 2019 : i love being friends with a cishet white guy. it’s hilarious. pic.twitter.com/IsuEpSEykD
19 October 2019 : the "OH" at the end SENT ME
19 October 2019 : it’s so suburban it’s hilarious
19 October 2019 : “i didn’t know there was anything in queens except nowadays. this is wild.”
19 October 2019 : astoria is like north williamsburg at this point lol
19 October 2019 : every time i walk home from work i know i've hit queens because the streets suddenly become very suburban. they're cleaner and quieter and the houses are prettier and the trees are so elegant.
19 October 2019 : hahahaha DID I JUST UNINTENTIONALLY EVOLVE
19 October 2019 : shoutout to #BernieInQueens for tricking a fuckton of bushwick gentrifiers into going to queens for the first time since they moved here and finding out it's just a few blocks away and queens is actually extremely nice!!!!!!!!!!
19 October 2019 : lol i've found when i'm straining to get a sentence out that that weird structure just feels the most... concise?
19 October 2019 : never a bad time to remind folks that you fuckin crushin it
19 October 2019 : hmmmmm sounds grueling af!!!
19 October 2019 : i don't know if that's right but it would explain why it stands out to me so i've decided it's right and maybe we can move on. language is so confusing and yet so beautiful god i love linguistics ugh i hate it
19 October 2019 : typically in english we use a subject-verb-object structure (the boy (s) walked (v) the dog (o) // s-v-o). in this instance i'm creating a second subject and putting it *before* the completion of the s-v-o structure, so it's s-v-s-o, instead of s-v-o-s. i'm breaking !!!!!!
19 October 2019 : wait what are you telling me
19 October 2019 : i think part of the motivation is to end a sentence on its punchline. but there's something distinctly weird about how fluid yet fancy this shift is. when did this start? why? is it better? or worse? does anyone care? probably not.
19 October 2019 : this is a good example. typically i'd have put 'as their main product photo' at the end of that line (before the 'which') but instead i tucked it in the middle. is this how people normally talk and i've been doing it wrong? pic.twitter.com/dKrmQlEoFw
19 October 2019 : recently i've begun flipping around how i structure sentences and i'm not sure why. i'm like, tucking the end of a sentence into the middle of it. i don't know what brought this about. it's like i have a cold, but it's making me sound fancy? and no i didn't do the thing in this
19 October 2019 : 😎 https://twitter.com/tunaloons/status/1185443291606634497
19 October 2019 : flo from progressive stole my boyfriend and killed my dog
19 October 2019 : im mostly laughing at the frenzy verified folks would be in to constantly drive up their engagement. the memes they'd invent. the gimmicks. the scams. the chaos. ahh, the chaos. it'd be beautiful.
19 October 2019 : it'd be hilarious if in the next phase of forcing engagement twitter had some sort of algorithm that de-verified people who stopped performing well and only re-verified them when their tweets got attention lmao
19 October 2019 : when y'all getting married
19 October 2019 : lol i do that already but after she goes to bed
19 October 2019 : my roommate isn't home you know what that means!!!!!! listening to 'the very best of enya' at full volume without headphones and burning incense to match the mood while i work. also peeing with the door open. but mostly enya.
19 October 2019 : no
19 October 2019 : thank you 🥰
19 October 2019 : if you don’t follow someone on twitter they can’t do their job that’s just the truth
19 October 2019 : ok lol
19 October 2019 : but you gotta follow her on twitter otherwise it doesn’t count
19 October 2019 : plane queef
19 October 2019 : no https://twitter.com/_505atty/status/1185413186511466496
19 October 2019 : OOF
19 October 2019 : lmfao https://twitter.com/seanastin/status/1185035363737321473
19 October 2019 : somehow this is the mood when someone actually‘s me pic.twitter.com/BvREQfVthW
19 October 2019 : i love you
19 October 2019 : oooohhhh
19 October 2019 : oooooohhhhhh
19 October 2019 : trader joe’s sells toasted sesame oil (darker flavor) for like $3.50 but you can typically find this brand in any bodega that stocks sriracha. worth noting the oil in this bottle is TJs cuz i am not about twisting when i’m trying to get my sesame on pic.twitter.com/WuUvZDCsaM
19 October 2019 : i’m not saying sesame oil is the thing that very easily and dramatically improves the taste of any savory dish but i’m also not NOT saying that
19 October 2019 : incomprehensibly good
19 October 2019 : come over
19 October 2019 : next time you make top ramen, add some sesame oil.
19 October 2019 : tonight i made my friend some quinoa with bell peppers and a little finishing salt but i was sure there was something missing. as she was eating i said “oh, add a little of this” and handed her a bottle of sesame oil. she added some, took a bite, and yelled for two minutes.
19 October 2019 : “i can pick it up, i’m a big strong boy. i’m stronger than nature-AHHH ME ARM!”
19 October 2019 : toxic masculinity meets darwinism https://twitter.com/alongsidewild/status/1185029074147774464
19 October 2019 : oh FUCK now i am decease’ed
19 October 2019 : even in quotes i am beyond flattered
19 October 2019 : feel like if i dig their main investors are trump supporters
19 October 2019 : happy halloweeeeee pic.twitter.com/f7SiRCHdze
18 October 2019 : they’re haunting me https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1182369782395523073?s=21
18 October 2019 : i hate their ad strategy SO MUCH
18 October 2019 : they’re all so bad but “this passes as ad copy” feels like a direct assault!!!!
18 October 2019 : hahahahahahahahaha this is masterful
18 October 2019 : oh fuck i spotted another nonsense ad and it’s got me even angrier than the last pic.twitter.com/Tsv6An5w2v
18 October 2019 : WOOORRRRRDDDDDD
18 October 2019 : it should be mom: no video games until you’ve finished your dinner kid: but i don’t want to! i wanna play video games! mom: life is a simulation, which means eating your dinner IS a video game. kid: ....touché
18 October 2019 : wouldn’t the kid be saying touché because they tricked themselves into eating their dinner? pic.twitter.com/REeisI1LYR
18 October 2019 : never!
18 October 2019 : the president's team has spent the last 3 years systematically dismantling human rights for profit with so little action from elected leaders that not only can they confess to crimes on camera but if they don't get away with *this*, they've still gotten away with 3 years of abuse
18 October 2019 : ya on both of ya
18 October 2019 : vodka water bottles
18 October 2019 : it’s to hide my cleavage so people don’t lose their minds
18 October 2019 : oh dang it is!
18 October 2019 : he climbs the boobs like a mountain, constantly gripping for leverage. notice the claw. i don’t know why he does this but it’s like a compulsion at this point. pic.twitter.com/DTg5Ge3Es5
18 October 2019 : if you need someone in ny for assistance you just lemme know
18 October 2019 : and if you’re just boosting the idiocy so you can line up an easy slamdunk honey that’s even worse
18 October 2019 : if you’re still getting genuinely upset after seeing these same boring takes 5039271635994 times in the last six months maybe you should see a neurologist and get your memory checked
18 October 2019 : we’ve been over the “should you tip even if it’s not great?” thing enough times that as this point it’s clearly only being used by rightwing media as a disingenuous rage-click catcher. it is TIRED it is HACK put the bit to REST honey move ON
18 October 2019 : that’s legit inspiring
18 October 2019 : what an insult to mohammad bin salman al saud
18 October 2019 : fall is a season of renewal. a dying of the old to make way for the new. a metamorphosis, a shedding. it’s a time for change and challenge, to sweep up as many of the yellow-brown leaves as we can find, form them into a great ball of regeneration, and shove them up my bussy.
17 October 2019 : it was a separate actor
17 October 2019 : notice i’m not including identifying info
17 October 2019 : YOOOOOO congrats!!
17 October 2019 : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17 October 2019 : the guy who played mr. belvedere’s balls https://twitter.com/overdramatique/status/1183859133025574913
17 October 2019 : lmao they deleted the tweet cuz it only got 2 favs. it’s tired, honey. pic.twitter.com/l20OMrW3Ul
17 October 2019 : my paypal is in bio like pic.twitter.com/rHXmfvu3n2
17 October 2019 : someone dmed me a link to their mildly controversial tweet hoping to provoke me into giving them free engagement lmao
17 October 2019 : ahhhhh pic.twitter.com/52DQHTtTOH
17 October 2019 : the bodega near my house had the most perfect sunflower pic.twitter.com/IVhWGGUZXu
17 October 2019 : YEEEEOOOOOOOOOO
17 October 2019 : whenever it rains we get so overwhelmed with delivery orders that sometimes we have to shut off our tablets just to not die (we don’t get tips on delivery) but as a customer it’s just fuckin rude to make drivers go out in dangerous conditions just cuz you don’t feel like cooking
17 October 2019 : working on a general guide for tipping delivery drivers in inclement weather. here’s what i have so far: good weather: 20% cold/wind (dry): 25% rain (light): 30% heavy rain: don’t fuckin order delivery snow: don’t fuckin order delivery
17 October 2019 : sure lmao
17 October 2019 : i don’t know shit about stocks but i know a grift when i see one
17 October 2019 : fun thing is to search “twitter q(x) earnings” whenever there’s suddenly a fuckton of ads and discover that it’s a week away and be like ah okay you’re superficially inflating your quarterly earnings toward the backend by flooding timelines with ads https://www.nasdaq.com/market-activity/stocks/twtr/earnings
17 October 2019 : i wonder if the sudden explosion of ads on my timeline is because twitter is expected to report their q3 earnings report on 10/24 lmao
17 October 2019 : shauna malwae-tweep deserves better https://twitter.com/dairyqueen/status/1177385417177481216
17 October 2019 : woah wtf
17 October 2019 : 😞 gone too soon
17 October 2019 : it works here though
17 October 2019 : i’m thrilled to know how this relates to ronan farrow’s book without having read it but i’m guessing its because he’s blonde?
17 October 2019 : i’m sure
17 October 2019 : follow elizabeth, who’s tirelessly covering the chicago public school teacher’s strike all day!!! some background: class was cancelled for 300k students and CTU strikers are agitating for a slew of improvements for educators & students amid sluggish union contract negotiations. https://twitter.com/elizabcking/status/1184895681485557760
17 October 2019 : round of applause to folks who got 'john lewis' trending after three hours of people mistaking him for elijah cummings. i lasted ten minutes before it stressed me out so much i had to log off. i hope i saved some souls.
17 October 2019 : lick it! lick it! lick it! lick it!
17 October 2019 : then you gotta lick
17 October 2019 : put on a bathrobe and freddie’s obsessed pic.twitter.com/RV1QJ6ujU4
17 October 2019 : use your sleeve
17 October 2019 : the fun thing about a wrist burn when you work in a kitchen is it’s not gunna heal well no matter what you put on it lol i kept it in neosporin for a full day just to give it a head start
17 October 2019 : lmao
17 October 2019 : this is a stupid take. mitochondria and squamous cells don’t have gender and gender is a social construct.
17 October 2019 : biology is a required general education course regardless of your major and it focuses on cell composition in organisms. i also took anatomy as a GE and we dissected a cow eyeball and learned the different shapes of cells. pic.twitter.com/3D7OWhrcWy
17 October 2019 : cars can also smell pus
17 October 2019 : [sexy whispers] here’s a photo of my bad, bad, bad boiiin. diagnose me, doc *giggles* pic.twitter.com/nj5eIsRSTk
17 October 2019 : you know that partially-open mouth stunned face cats make when they smell something confusing? my cat just did that to my very poorly healing wrist burn. should i go to a doctor.
17 October 2019 : ok but why not respond with “that’s a stupid thing to say”
17 October 2019 : it’s two old egomaniacs arguing like there’s any dignity to the situation i don’t care about both sides-ing but she’s so complicit it’s aggravating
17 October 2019 : who argues like this. “you don’t know that.” what a wack answer. pic.twitter.com/wbrt5IEQ2T
17 October 2019 : RT @DavidT2026: @itsa_talia It’s spreading onto my feed and... https://t.co/a21JmywhXk
17 October 2019 : hahahaha
17 October 2019 : yikes @ your diet
17 October 2019 : @MattNegrin @ParkerMolloy make it stop
17 October 2019 : incredible cringe
17 October 2019 : please you guys please stop pic.twitter.com/JIsM2VVT5h
17 October 2019 : the hashtag right now is so embarrassing
17 October 2019 : please try not to embarrass yourselves too hard as you emptily mourn the death of a politician whose work you were only vaguely familiar with pic.twitter.com/vhXOf6uRf7
17 October 2019 : rest in peace, rep. elijah cummings. you are not rep. john lewis and you did not coin the hashtag #goodtrouble .
17 October 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ pic.twitter.com/iowxLFfxs2
17 October 2019 : “sometimes i take a long walk over to mitch mcconnell’s office just to fart lmao”
17 October 2019 : “i shouldn’t have to wear pantyhose on day 2 of my period”
17 October 2019 : “someone bought pumpkin spice kpods for the keurig and i’m not saying it was me but i am saying i’m loving all the dudes complaining about how good it smells. they’re legit going for the bad pods just to not seem femme. masculinity is wild.”
17 October 2019 : “the office is out of black toner so i had to print my agenda in cerulean and it’s so bright 😩”
17 October 2019 : “you can tell when someone’s got something big going on because they walk extra loud through the hallways to get that fancy shoe echo”
17 October 2019 : “the toilet paper in the capitol building is scott brand unless you have a personal toilet in which case you have to buy your own cuz otherwise they’ll just replace it with scott”
17 October 2019 : if i were aoc i’d constantly be tweeting stuff like “man nobody tells you when you get elected to the house that you’re practically always on camera and just have to pretend like you don’t have a massive wedgie”
17 October 2019 : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i knew he was too beautiful but still
17 October 2019 : BY WHO
17 October 2019 : anyway don’t shame people for smoking unless they’re rich then shame them for being rich AND for smoking
17 October 2019 : https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1184763912111218688?s=21
17 October 2019 : i did a dm saying “by the power vested in me by the ordained minister thing i did online in 2014” but
17 October 2019 : i.e., stable housing initiatives, universal basic income, expanded access through medicaid/m4a, expanded opportunities to use wic/ebt/food stamps (at whole foods, albertson’s, and other big chains that serve higher quality products). reduce the stressors, reduce the stress.
17 October 2019 : if we examine poverty through an authentic, empathetic lens, suddenly high tobacco and alcohol rates seem logical (as sources of relief) and thus the key to *reducing* these rates can be found in reducing the stress that leads to this behavior.
17 October 2019 : it’s in that immediate relief, of buying the thing you don’t need just to know you can, that folks find the will to keep slogging through the cycle and the stress and the despair.
17 October 2019 : the concept of “if i can spend money on this thing i don’t need, i must be fine” obviously contradicts the logic of “don’t spend money on things you don’t need.” but when you’re spinning out, you reach for whatever most immediately satisfies your emotional well-being.
17 October 2019 : there have definitely been times when i’ve bought myself a bag of chips to offset psychological distress. but there’ve also been times when i’ve bought them because something about the erroneous spending reaffirmed my sense that i wasn’t that bad off.
17 October 2019 : *the existing narrative is partially ‘i grew up with it’ and also that cigarettes serve as a psychological relief/treat the same way one would buy a pint of ice cream or a new pair of shoes.
17 October 2019 : i wonder if a partial motivating factor behind the prevalence of smoking among low income communities - aside from the existing narrative* - is that the ability to purchase a pack of cigarettes is sort of a way of reaffirming that you’re not doing as bad as you think.
17 October 2019 : here is my wishlist so you can send me unwedding gifts? i don’t know it’s just a convenient plug https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1WLTIGJZ668CM?ref_=wl_share
17 October 2019 : exactly
17 October 2019 : i just married this rando but neither of us believe in marriage so pic.twitter.com/MWBZcVJh2H
17 October 2019 : thrilled to lose respect for you, my friend, who i will give five cents a month to in exchange for insight into your wonderful brain
17 October 2019 : *see next tweet tho lol
17 October 2019 : yes to all
17 October 2019 : why are you like this
17 October 2019 : jerk one off for the homie https://twitter.com/theavclub/status/1184748409485516805
17 October 2019 : tennant’s regeneration/lion king speech. nine letting rose seeing the day her dad dies. BAD WOLF reveal/kiss!
17 October 2019 : the exercise of helpfulness is personally rewarding even if the recipient doesn’t appreciate it
17 October 2019 : this is different from sucking up to opportunists solely focused on getting ahead. learning to distinguish between them and actual friends who will hold the ladder steady is important work. don’t suck up to opportunists. they don’t care about you.
17 October 2019 : *don’t* help people on the expectation that they’ll help you, because then you’ll get resentful instead of enjoying doing something kind. but ideally you should know that if you’re helping someone, they deserve it and will pay you back in kind.
17 October 2019 : share packets and job listings and emails and give notes and do so from a place of authentic optimism and know that if someone you helped gets ahead, they’ll help you too.
17 October 2019 : part of worker solidarity in creative fields is wanting to help your friends get jobs because if they move up, they’ll try to help you move up too. the idea that you can’t share opportunities because it’ll lessen your chances is solely seated in personal insecurity.
17 October 2019 : mine constantly changes out to our long after i’ve moved past the word so i don’t notice until it’s too late
17 October 2019 : wow your autocorrect hates you more than mine hates me!
17 October 2019 : IM SAYING LEMME FIND OUT
17 October 2019 : GOTTA MUNCH
17 October 2019 : LET 👏 ME 👏 EAT 👏 THE 👏 BLOB 👏 https://twitter.com/guardian/status/1184711583718690817
17 October 2019 : you know how in a pre-street yelling match there’s a second where you’re laughing because you think they must know each other to be talking so goofily but then you stop laughing because oh they’re FIGHTING fighting?
17 October 2019 : they were just *screaming* at each other as they walked separate ways down the block and the next time i saw her she was all kindness and sunshine again. truly powerful stuff.
17 October 2019 : my momly neighbor let her dog out earlier today when i was outside and she said to me “hey baby how are you!!!!” and then some rando was like WHY ISNT THAT DOG ON A LEASH and then she started screaming a cascade of insults at him and it was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen
17 October 2019 : oh always. worse, in fact. it’s just we’re expected now to catalog our entire relationship history on social media
17 October 2019 : 😏😏😏😏
17 October 2019 : yes you are!!!! reach out if you have any questions and update me on the results!!!
17 October 2019 : who will take me scuba diving in muff, ireland so i can wear this shirt without feeling like a scoundrel
17 October 2019 : TREMENDOUS NEED https://twitter.com/arianaefuller/status/1184724136351817729
17 October 2019 : actually my last muff diving dream i went down on two people and then i was like OKAY I AM CONFIDENT I CAN DATE FOLKS WITH VAGINAS NOW lmao a mess
17 October 2019 : hahah OH I WILL
17 October 2019 : lol whenever i overhear someone say “i’ll tell ya-“ i look up like “YES?” cuz i thought they said “hey talia”
17 October 2019 : anyway it’s fun i’m having fun i love examining who i am and learning to celebrate what used to make me feel panicked and insecure!!!!
17 October 2019 : when you embrace that your journey is wholly your own and a lack or excess or whatever of experience doesn’t change how you feel, i think that helps. like i’ve never had sex with someone who has a vagina, but i sure dream about it a lot!
17 October 2019 : i’m currently between “why does ANYONE care about pronouns they just reinforce gendered stereotypes and toxicity!” and “defining your pronouns, regardless of what they are, is an important facet of affirming trans identities — non-binary pronouns are community solidarity.”
17 October 2019 : *i say bi to reclaim it from terfs because it’s all-encompassing and fully inclusive
17 October 2019 : this process is night and day to the arduous slog that led me to come out as bi*. years of rationalizing and anxiety and avoidance and now i’m like “mmm, seems i’m in the moulting stage right now.” funny how coming out lays the mental groundwork like that.
17 October 2019 : i’m currently at “i don’t care about pronouns” on the road to “my pronouns are they/them.” it’s pretty fun having such a clear vision of the process. i’ve been introducing myself as “she/her... for now” because something tells me in ~6 months i’ll go fully non-binary.
17 October 2019 : well then!!!!
17 October 2019 : i’m waiting for my cats to die so i can do exactly this
17 October 2019 : also this movie already exists and it’s already perfect it’s called Enchanted and George Of The Jungle and Kate & Leopold
17 October 2019 : welp i think a 13-step guide to cooking chicken was a sufficient writing warmup for starting this edit test i’ve been “letting marinate” for the past few days.
17 October 2019 : i respect her commitment
17 October 2019 : NOBODY DOES COOKIE CUTTER CHRISTMAS ROMCOMS LIKE HALLMARK IT IS MY DREAM TO WRITE ONE DONT YOU DARE TRY TO STEP ON MY DREAM
17 October 2019 : uh my dms are hella open
17 October 2019 : hahahahaha aw i love you
17 October 2019 : i will not be watching this in solidarity with hallmark channel. https://twitter.com/seewhatsnext/status/1184126003880185857
17 October 2019 : also why i recommend bone-in leg meat. you don’t need to cook boneless, skinless chicken breast even half as long or finish it in the oven.
17 October 2019 : here’s the whole thing. you can adjust time/temp/bake process by your own comfort level but i went with medium high 5-7 plus 375 cuz they’re fairly middle ground & hard to screw up. medium high takes forever but at least you don’t get overwhelmed and burn stuff. pic.twitter.com/wfgw6fmz4s
17 October 2019 : 1999: “i don’t talk to strangers on the internet because they’ll murder me!” 2019: hey rando i’m talking to at 2am on a thursday. here’s an in-depth, step-by-step explainer on how to cook chicken. pic.twitter.com/6Aim0yuule
17 October 2019 : hahahaha oh my god that would be so awesome
17 October 2019 : yes i shall dm posthaste
17 October 2019 : the secret to that is using your nose to discern complementary flavors!
17 October 2019 : lmao would you like an in depth, step by step breakdown
17 October 2019 : that’s amazing!!! good job!!!
17 October 2019 : anyway i think the only cishet dudes i could date are ones who were in a relationship for 5+ years because then i know for sure their girlfriend put in work. but like lmao
17 October 2019 : no they’re championing pouring their whole selves into teaching an existing person how to exist as some sort of prize!!!! it’s sick!!!!!
17 October 2019 : my mom almost never cooked. i remember sometimes coming home to see her cooking and being like “.....what’s.... what’s happening.” so i had to learn from scratch. i got lucky, in a way, because we had so few usable ingredients that i *had* to get creative to make something edible
17 October 2019 : lol it’s not a recipe it’s just a sear & a bake to finish. the lemon & onion & herbs don’t dramatically alter the quality! also the lemons & onions really didn’t add much. if anything they held it back, mostly useful to visually gauge how done things were.
17 October 2019 : that’s good! if they know the basics (boil rice, hold a knife, sear & season meat), when they have the ability to cook they’ll feel a lot more comfortable doing so versus someone who steps out of the house and has to learn by scratch. it’s intimidating!
17 October 2019 : worked too much to make cooking at home a common thing or they themselves can’t cook. this last one doesn’t seem to be a problem w/your family but don’t be surprised if your boys leave the house and just eat cereal and ramen until they’re in their 30s.
17 October 2019 : there’s issues at play including time poverty (don’t have time to cook) and situational poverty (relatively stable for housing/clothes/etc but in a circumstance that makes certain things unaffordable, like fresh groceries), plus typical generational setbacks where parents
17 October 2019 : omg cooking!!! it’s worth noting that previously young men not knowing how to cook was a gendered issue seated in patriarchal oppression, but due to generational economic shifts the inability to cook has broadened beyond gender roles —
17 October 2019 : the second you get into a convo that’s like: “i missed the extended deadline to do my taxes” “why?” “i dunno” you better RUN
17 October 2019 : 🥰
17 October 2019 : like he has it together enough that he went to the pharmacy to get sudafed and fed himself and walked his dog a few times, i just did a little extra to make him feel less lonely & overwhelmed in his sickness. if he didn’t literally live in my building, i wouldn’t bother.
17 October 2019 : it’s good and important to care for and be able to care for other people. my neighbor has a bad sinus infection so i walked his dog & boiled a big bowl of water for him to breathe in the steam, but that’s just friendly kindness. not mothering someone into functionality.
17 October 2019 : no woman should cut off her growth to teach a man how to floss. let the arbitrary binary destroy the weak ones convinced they need to do zero work because Mother will come along shortly.
17 October 2019 : every time i do a silk headwrap i think of you 💗
17 October 2019 : no man deserves a woman willing to give her whole self to train him like a dog into being a human being. let him live with his mattress on the floor until his 80s.
17 October 2019 : my favorite cishet relationship stories are: he was such a mess — he thought penguins controlled the sun and mountain dew prevented cancer. but over time i taught him how to chew his food and clean his balls and now he’s somewhat tolerable! love you, buggy!!!
17 October 2019 : me: i love you my mom/coworkers/neighbors/friends: https://twitter.com/lawdicrous/status/1184700604960116737
17 October 2019 : BOOOOOOOO
17 October 2019 : Who Wore It Best (you)
17 October 2019 : anyway i love you
17 October 2019 : is there a link???
17 October 2019 : holy shit
17 October 2019 : although i recall one time my gramma, from whom i have been gifted diverticulitis, ate some bell peppers and later ran into the bathroom to wretch. so i’m not looking forward to that.
17 October 2019 : diverticulitis makes my skin glow and pcos gives me a sexy masc jawline and lactose intolerance lets me eat ice cream guilt-free. it’s hard to want to treat my various maladies when the agony comes with such perks.
17 October 2019 : the popcorn i ate last night has been destroying my insides and making me feel terrible but it’s also making my face look flush and dewy so... pic.twitter.com/S718Vp1AcT
17 October 2019 : wow. this is phenomenal reporting, and aja is an incredible woman. her strength reads like poetry. https://www.thecut.com/2019/10/mount-sinai-david-newman.html
16 October 2019 : oooooooooooooooooh snap
16 October 2019 : let me eat the blob @ParcZoologique laisse moi manger le blob
16 October 2019 : folks sharing this story with their cute lil jokes got me extremely craving bbq chicken & ribs
16 October 2019 : looks tasty https://www.reuters.com/article/us-france-zoo-blob-idUSKBN1WV2AD
16 October 2019 : anyone else feeling like a fall rain was exactly what you’d been waiting for but also got you feeling hella heavy
16 October 2019 : drag me
16 October 2019 : as soon as your old burn starts healing, you will get a new one. thus is the line cook’s fate. pic.twitter.com/p9dK4vuqa5
16 October 2019 : or she’s tweeting the question *as* SEO as a form of covert advertising
16 October 2019 : once when i was in kindergarten our teacher was explaining that for an upcoming field trip, the PTA would provide us sandwiches so we don’t have to pack our own. i was only half-listening and yelled “there’ll be SAND WITCHES????”
16 October 2019 : you say that like straight to netflix romcoms aren’t real (quality) cinema
16 October 2019 : can you grab me some AAA batteries
16 October 2019 : you love to see it
16 October 2019 : sounds good, joe! pic.twitter.com/wetV4McqFu
16 October 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
16 October 2019 : anyway, double respect to em https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1183925401824956416?s=21
16 October 2019 : we use this scale in my restaurant and now i’m going to use it to figure out the exactly right ratio of peanut butter to jelly
16 October 2019 : they clearly just changed the packaging to sell it to dealers because the actual model no. is TK24 and the label on the scale says ‘kitchen scale’ not ~garden~ scale
16 October 2019 : lmfao pic.twitter.com/9e71NDO0G7
16 October 2019 : what a glorious shower of gifts we have been given because of this kitchen scale
16 October 2019 : hmm i think it’d fit better in comedy with dramatic elements
16 October 2019 : nursing my son pic.twitter.com/Z9QgxgVagD
16 October 2019 : crucially important work
16 October 2019 : for those who can’t view the screenshot: https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1184279554673778690?s=21
16 October 2019 : my roommate
16 October 2019 : i am enjoying reading the transcript for this. @jess_kutch dives into labor & union history alongside present day analysis!!!! https://twitter.com/jonmertz/status/1184275024636719104
16 October 2019 : me, currently: ugh why does my stomach feel so weird??? me (a person who can’t eat popcorn without feeling sick) 11 hours ago: pic.twitter.com/65FAgMsrmI
16 October 2019 : lmaoo
16 October 2019 : watch her write a lengthy post about how baffling it is for billion & trillion-dollar companies to pay their employees minimum wage, unintentionally co-signing everything she thought she Righteously disagreed with 4 years ago. lmfao
16 October 2019 : it’ll be hilarious in 6 months when she’s caping for antifascist anticapitalism just cuz it’s the Cool Thing To Like. an absolute void of a person.
16 October 2019 : the concept of work ethic as moral righteousness is just an extension of wealth as moral righteousness (since the rich constantly claim it’s Hard Work that got them rich vs... reality). it’s bootstrap theory, and bootstrapping is a capitalist myth.
16 October 2019 : no they absolutely should not you neoliberal hack pic.twitter.com/8oyvUub2MP
16 October 2019 : my nemesis has just discovered socialism lmfao
16 October 2019 : be quiet tiffany
16 October 2019 : thanks for enjoying this. just tinkering around with some characters and story where “tony” is in therapy but also in the mob? still early days but i could see it as a show.
16 October 2019 : thank you 🥰
16 October 2019 : @A24 please hire me to be your office dog
16 October 2019 : let’s trade
16 October 2019 : therapist: have you reconciled with the fact that you hate your mother? tony: what the fuck! you quack! fuck this i’m out!! [a week later] tony: ok so i hate my mother therapist: and you resent your wife tony: the hell i do!!!! i quit therapy!!! [a week later] tony: ok so-
16 October 2019 : neighbor dog!
16 October 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰🥰
16 October 2019 : THE GLAMOUR pic.twitter.com/enbr4Lziwr
16 October 2019 : she just says shit to sound edgy but ultimately provides zero legitimately critical thought/input beyond..... using a fuckton of needlessly complicated words to sound smart? lmao
16 October 2019 : also: it’s bone-in leg quarter. darker meat than breast, bone adds a LOT to internal juiciness. very hard to screw up.
16 October 2019 : amen!
16 October 2019 : i’d be fine if it wasn’t 75% regurgitated soundbites
16 October 2019 : bone-in necessitates finishing in oven to ensure thorough cook
16 October 2019 : ok here’s how: patted down, sprinkled s&p. added to medium hot stainless pan to sear on ‘show’ side. flipped. popped into oven at 375 for ~25min covered w/aluminium foil (bone makes it harder to heat internally). flipped again, ~15, uncovered for ~10. turned off oven, let rest.
16 October 2019 : nope! just salt & pepper before throwing in the pan!
16 October 2019 : nope! seared in stainless then popped into the oven to cook through!
16 October 2019 : aimee terese gunna have the dumbest angry take about aoc endorsing bernie lmao
16 October 2019 : oh my god this chicken i made before leaving for the debate is unbelievable. it’s so tasty and juicy and tender oh my god how did i do it!!!!! pic.twitter.com/fplo1BuKWQ
16 October 2019 : i will vote for any candidate who outlaws 3 hour presidential debates
16 October 2019 : SERIOUSLY. INSTANT BUY.
16 October 2019 : as soon as i saw it i grabbed it and yelled ITS THE GHOSTBUSTERS FABRIC
16 October 2019 : JUNK GUY OUTSIDE MORGAN AVE STOP HAD A SCARF IN GHOSTBUSTERS “only zuul” DRESS FABRIC I BOUGHT IT WITH LAUNDRY QUARTERS !!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/BqIcHdq34t
16 October 2019 : i’m so proud of bernie for getting through this i hope he gets to rest up and celebrate with breakfast in bed
16 October 2019 : AW NOW IM MAD MARIANNE AINT HERE CUZ SHE WOULD DEFFO SAY THIS
16 October 2019 : YEEEEES come through idfk what to do with all these weed edibles i got for a friend who forgot to take em with her let’s get fuckin twisted
16 October 2019 : my most surprising friend? ... ... ... ... ... ... ... myself 🥰
16 October 2019 : lmao i love you
16 October 2019 : democratic presidential debate: sponsored by chevy
16 October 2019 : being friends with people who have different beliefs is not the same as being friends with people who, like you, benefit from white supremacy and capitalist bigotry and oppression!!!!!!!!
16 October 2019 : @bendreyfuss no offense but dm me so we can become irl buds
16 October 2019 : doing a real good job using a napkin to wipe off my hands while eating popcorn pic.twitter.com/1f3EyDYotI
16 October 2019 : me
16 October 2019 : everify ad spots are xenophobic af!!!!!
16 October 2019 : give us the baron trump recap of the debates
16 October 2019 : shush your beautiful mouth
16 October 2019 : if i had a buck for every bad joke a presidential candidate says to prove they’re “relatable” i’d be able to pay for free college for all
16 October 2019 : sad but tru
16 October 2019 : Senator Warren, it appears you ate a fibrous meal ahead of this debate. In your opinion, how valuable is access to healthy eating for all Americans?
16 October 2019 : heh pic.twitter.com/K6fefKP6Kt
16 October 2019 : amy like if donald were on the stage i’d tell him a long bedtime story just telling him what he already knows what a boringass nerd
16 October 2019 : only way to get through
16 October 2019 : it would just be the same one
16 October 2019 : she’s a cop!
16 October 2019 : a lapse in dialogue and you hear the errant flush
16 October 2019 : hahahahaha
16 October 2019 : kamala harris can get fucked lmao
16 October 2019 : i’m comfortably drunk and deeply enjoying the idea that every candidate is, behind their podium, sitting on a very tall toilet.
16 October 2019 : steyer seriously thinks the key to defeating trump is being richer than him??
16 October 2019 : how does this bathroom graffiti perfectly encapsulate my Twitter Brand pic.twitter.com/GISQ6oLXJy
16 October 2019 : debate mood pic.twitter.com/MV4nzGyDsN
16 October 2019 : 11pm! three hours!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/nYSTx2zQ2x
16 October 2019 : pic.twitter.com/Q6EZ4A21v6
16 October 2019 : i want them to kiss so bad pic.twitter.com/sSwxkEKc91
16 October 2019 : syndicated is absolutely destroying the popcorn game tonight. i have no idea what anyone has said in the last ten minutes this popcorn so good
16 October 2019 : i love your dog
16 October 2019 : no prob, feel free to fall in love w me when you’re off (also in general it’s a really awesome space that has lots of current & old school screenings plus delicious food!)
16 October 2019 : not mad honestly she lookin foine
16 October 2019 : 🎶 i’m not a perfect person 🎶
16 October 2019 : it’s a bar and theater in bushwick!
16 October 2019 : the uneven makeup so her cleav is mad tan. she’s got some major demi moore vibes
16 October 2019 : why can’t anyone respond to questions with “yes” or “no” before going into their deeper points i can’t figure out if you’re agreeing or disagreeing with anything because you’re just saying nonsense ohhhhhhh it’s a tactic ohhhh i hate it
16 October 2019 : or a group hallucination
16 October 2019 : listen.
16 October 2019 : it’s like she was laying out her despicable resume as a foreword to why she should be pres
16 October 2019 : ben come hang out at syndicated w me
16 October 2019 : a russian asset in the streets and a freak in the sheets
16 October 2019 : tulsi’s a monster but god she’s hot
16 October 2019 : they’re acting like she’s not saying the answers she’s giving and it’s so boring
16 October 2019 : tulsi noted that cnn and the nytimes accused her of being an asset to russia & then just was like “as president....” she didn’t even deny it lmao
16 October 2019 : stunning
16 October 2019 : ron reagan: not afraid of burning in hell.
16 October 2019 : it’s pretty annoying how warren keeps saying tax increases won’t hit the middle class and every stupid candidate keeps saying her plan would result in middle class taxes like i know it’s tough but can you at least pretend you’re capable of listening when a woman speaks
16 October 2019 : axing em outta existence
16 October 2019 : biden “i would eliminate the capital gains tax uhhhhh i mean raise it” lol
16 October 2019 : perfect timing pic.twitter.com/oYKPkSLUq7
16 October 2019 : debate so boring folks aren’t even bothering to heckle and i’m turtling pic.twitter.com/VulVbibIo6
16 October 2019 : have i watched too many debates or is literally everyone running on autopilot. bring back the sassy boys from the last debate. everyone is saying nothing.
16 October 2019 : these fish tacos are way better than the debate is going for warren
16 October 2019 : i’m late to the debate watch but my roommate is texting me highlights but odds are i will not be inclined to tweet about the content of the debate and moreso the tacos i’m about to eat while watching it
16 October 2019 : cop-ala harris
16 October 2019 : kamala showed us she’s a cop. we should believe her.
16 October 2019 : thank you for the reassurance 🙏
15 October 2019 : crying, but spookily https://twitter.com/notdetails/status/1184248455813832709
15 October 2019 : it’s stainless! but looks like they have a carbon steel roasting pan & wok!!! i *love* them. they’re so intuitively designed, versus solely aesthetic or functional. https://madeincookware.com
15 October 2019 : i love how each pan has a keith haring-style label for what it is/how much it holds lasered(?) into the bottom. it’s just a really cute detail that warms my heart. pic.twitter.com/EhdOMlciDr
15 October 2019 : i suspect it’ll be alright, though. chicken w herbs de provence, some old lemons my neighbor gave me, an an onion. hangin out in my favorite pan: the @madeincookware fry pan. pic.twitter.com/gvPAXWYeDr
15 October 2019 : i shall not give up
15 October 2019 : noooooooooooooo
15 October 2019 : i attempted to debone chicken leg quarters tonight for the first time and i did not do it very well! unless pulling and twisting apart the meat from the bone with your hands is how professionals do it, in which case i crushed it!
15 October 2019 : brought her up on the roof for some golden hour pic.twitter.com/rpEuNmiAvy
15 October 2019 : they’re all so dead i’m almost envious. imagine just. being an algorithmic cookie cutter persona instead of having your experiences and intellectual growth shape and inform who you are. the amount of self work you don’t need to do. what a dream.
15 October 2019 : am laying on a dog who is *barely* tolerating it pic.twitter.com/MuwxQuELhi
15 October 2019 : optimistic but not expectant
15 October 2019 : fingers crossed they collapse
15 October 2019 : gunna do a seance to commune with this closed ass restaurant to find out what i gotta do to get some bangin banh mi
15 October 2019 : can someone who lives near lucy’s vietnamese kitchen please go check and see if they’re open and if so can you order me a pho banh mi and brisket spring rolls 😩
15 October 2019 : the address for the restaurant is.... pic.twitter.com/glhxUtfu1O
15 October 2019 : across the street: a pizza place with a santa and a poster for @JuliaCarmel__ in the window 🥰 pic.twitter.com/36lNT23XFh
15 October 2019 : nvm it’s not kitschy it’s camp grunge pic.twitter.com/oT6jP4TCvz
15 October 2019 : i’m trying to research a restaurant i love because it’s been closed on delivery and their number is disconnected but instead i found on google maps of the location a leather daddy walking into a kitschy spot called boobie trap pic.twitter.com/4TKoqIO30L
15 October 2019 : i view it as a positive but i cannot abide anyone who drinks michelob ultra and thus it is a funny correlation to make
15 October 2019 : wow okay https://twitter.com/reductress/status/1184212500201558017
15 October 2019 : you can also do a green candle for money/prosperity but yellow is good for overall positivity. orange is good for energy/productivity.
15 October 2019 : get a tall yellow candle (like the jesus ones) & write a small note of intentions. light the candle, burn the note, think positively of the work to come. keep the candle burning until it’s done. put it in a plate with water to prevent the glass from cracking when it burns down.
15 October 2019 : love when he looks away like ‘is she falling for it’ pic.twitter.com/vpITlxSemi
15 October 2019 : OMG THOSE MEOWS
15 October 2019 : hahahahaha
15 October 2019 : i hope papa bernie is having a nice day.
15 October 2019 : it’s because she was a republican for 40 years :( https://twitter.com/autonarcotic/status/1184187516775092224
15 October 2019 : the bobblehead doesn’t stop once it starts
15 October 2019 : if you fall for shaun king’s scam i feel bad for you, son. i got 99 problems but listening to woc and legitimate activists who have denounced him isn’t that hard to do. https://twitter.com/tehnakki/status/1184186496246378496
15 October 2019 : i don’t think liz warren drinks as much beer as she claims to drink because she doesn’t have the enormous bobblehead beer drinkers get in middle age. biden, on the other hand, is dramatically underreporting his beer intake.
15 October 2019 : nice
15 October 2019 : immediate joke-killer pic.twitter.com/MN7FlR697w
15 October 2019 : gotta admit he’s got a point pic.twitter.com/vwqchAewuu
15 October 2019 : and the one after that should be “money shot” cuz phone cameras don’t capture viscosity very well. just looks like water.
15 October 2019 : it’s stupid that my eyes can perfectly see the contrasting light and dark spots on the moon but every picture i try to take with my overpriced pocket computer just looks like a glowing piece of shit. streetlamp lookin ass moon. pic.twitter.com/RQJi9gP8Ex
15 October 2019 : i am negging you in an attempt to get you to fall in love with me
15 October 2019 : 😬😬😬😬😬😬
15 October 2019 : bbq sauce would likely clash with the fish’s metallic acidity BUT swap the fish for mcrib meat and you’d be golden
15 October 2019 : new york if you’re awake right now check out the moon she’s lookin sexy as shit against that velvet navy blue pre-dawn sky
15 October 2019 : same diff
15 October 2019 : they don't. also i'm convinced 100% of the cast (except culkin) is british and this is secretly a british show. when the tall man gets mad he lets a lil british twang slip through and old man gets a sorta shakespearean yelly vibe.
15 October 2019 : lol i try telling the vet that when they tell me he’s overweight and i’m like “listen. if he weren’t so scared right now i’d spread him out so you could see.”
15 October 2019 : like a bunny 🥰
15 October 2019 : he’s wildly long!!!
15 October 2019 : i would google to make sure though it’s late i could be wrong!
15 October 2019 : oh no!!!! a teaspoon of mineral oil may help!
15 October 2019 : kenobi desperately trying to get through the extra metal siding i put up in front of the cage to deter the cats from jumping up on the desk, looking like he’s trying to get the cashier’s attention at the check cashing joint but she’s in the back room talking to her coworker pic.twitter.com/gNvjtVstn7
15 October 2019 : cleaned with lysol then boos oil on the metal as mineral oil & linseed are good for rust. i’m not terribly invested in bringing out the rust (also it’s 4am) so i just rubbed the metal down with it vs doing a more involved process
15 October 2019 : anyway i found this great desk on the street tonight. it *was* gunna be the perfect size to fit two mice cages. this is the second antique school desk i’ve found on the street. if only i could find a desk chair made for my (lack of) height!! pic.twitter.com/7Ht1Zq6IHz
15 October 2019 : thank you. feels weird, like i never wanted mice but then there they were so it became very important to spoil and care for them and now one is dead i’m sort of relieved but also feel like i failed?
15 October 2019 : 💗
15 October 2019 : when i buried her i thought “alas, poor yorick-“ and it’s like every day i am reminded that i majored in english literature at a state school not at all known for its english department and thus i do not have a better thing pop into my head
15 October 2019 : i’m taking it as a compliment that emma chose to die resting in the plastic hideaway i got her last week. better than her dying flipping it off.
15 October 2019 : also he’s getting fat AF pic.twitter.com/4gYGOsesu2
15 October 2019 : the good news is nina’s living space just got upgraded from a single to a double.
15 October 2019 : in case you’re wondering why i have mice: https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1126320282292117504?s=21
15 October 2019 : she was clearly lonely but combative with emma, so i’d been looking into getting another female mouse for her to live with. she looks so peaceful. i buried her in a small gated sidewalk garden that the city recently put in to ‘beautify the neighborhood’ so she won’t be disturbed.
15 October 2019 : a sad mouse update: emma died. it’s not clear when or why - she wasn’t very active to begin with and had been overgrooming herself when i last checked in on her a few days ago. she died in the little plastic hut i got her last week, apparently in her sleep.
15 October 2019 : yoooooooooooooo
15 October 2019 : holy fuck baby emeril was hot af pic.twitter.com/nCRTL4AqLz
15 October 2019 : data indicates you should fav and rt and follow me, as praxis https://twitter.com/rm_werner/status/1183846132641865734
15 October 2019 : be right there
15 October 2019 : also why you’re in such a uniquely (positive!) position to improve it! you have a medical need that exceeds their rule, which allows you to reference ADA to increase or eliminate the break limit entirely
15 October 2019 : better option is to agitate for more lenient breaks on the basis of improving circumstances for all of his coworkers
15 October 2019 : truuuuuuuuuuuu
15 October 2019 : you’re doing WHAT
15 October 2019 : i’m trying to make it affordable for kids in service of help over profit!
15 October 2019 : seeing these traditions is like when you go to back to school night and meet your bully’s parents and you’re like “ohh i see where they got that from now”
15 October 2019 : yes!!!!!
15 October 2019 : the UK has the weirdest traditions it’s no wonder america is historically a clusterfuck of nonsense https://twitter.com/bbcpolitics/status/1183695636857622528
15 October 2019 : the earthquake was from me threatening to log off and i apologize
15 October 2019 : after you run through the post-surgery antibiotics & ointment, use bag balm! it’s wonderfully helpful 💗
15 October 2019 : you’ll be fine and get to enjoy a post-surgery haze and because robots you’ll likely have a quick healing time!!!
15 October 2019 : IM BRINGING IT BACK
15 October 2019 : ok no more shitposting i’ve gotta rewrite like 2k words of copy by EOD and i’ve been putting it off because i was overwhelmingly annoyed that the outline i put together before writing was approved and then after writing it all i was told like 2/3rds of it isn’t right 🤬
15 October 2019 : 💗💗💗
15 October 2019 : you can feel the 💅
15 October 2019 : lol i am too!
15 October 2019 : yes but i don’t ascribe to lazy stereotypes as fact
15 October 2019 : the most casual humblebrag i’ve ever seen is ilhan omar retweeting this at 1am pic.twitter.com/bqxQKUGM2w
15 October 2019 : LITERALLY
15 October 2019 : ALL
15 October 2019 : sure but you gotta book the tickets
15 October 2019 : 🎶 poor constipated souls 🎶
15 October 2019 : i went by the handle but then checked the bio and i’m not about to be one of those people who just lazily re-responds like “oops i’m so sorry!” instead of fixing it. it’s all love here, baby!
15 October 2019 : you wanna talk about the big families because big families narrative, let’s talk about evangelicals and mormonism!!!!
15 October 2019 : do the kardashians obsess over individually having big families because childbirth is the only time they can take a fat dump? TJNews investigates.
15 October 2019 : lmao bet they were like “...they need to get out more”
15 October 2019 : you wanna talk about childbirth among poc & in developing countries how about you talk about the high infant and maternal mortality rates that disproportionately affect mothers of color in the US and globally. i just out-woked you go cry in your velvet underground shirt about it
15 October 2019 : i’ve been eating a lot of quinoa lately and every one is such a breeze
15 October 2019 : if someone makes this i’ll give them the @luv2shit handle https://twitter.com/thisfishflies/status/1183975014099542017
15 October 2019 : and they said.....?
15 October 2019 : pretty sure if i was going to do a racism & classism i wouldn’t have clearly defined my perspective as criticizing the “i want a lot of kids cuz i’m from a big family” narrative, which is dominant in upper middle class (largely white) families
15 October 2019 : white folks are scolding my opinion that having a lot of kids just bc you come from a big family as racist & classist (when the birthrate among low income poc in the US & among developing nations is a result of lack of preventative resources & not ideological choices)
15 October 2019 : i save my shits for the morning and the afternoon and the early evening
15 October 2019 : any time!
15 October 2019 : tbh me referring to childbirth as “shitting out a kid” is a compliment. i luv2shit.
15 October 2019 : it’s 1am we gotta shitpost about shitting!!!!!!
15 October 2019 : i would prefer the cows
15 October 2019 : i’m truly destroying the concept of childbirth. no one can have kids now because i referred to it as shitting.
15 October 2019 : this might be the thing that makes me wanna have a bunch of kids https://twitter.com/norareed/status/1183973338978275328
15 October 2019 : shitception 😱😱😱😱
15 October 2019 : i have found my soulmate https://twitter.com/faciliheir/status/1183973260171579392
15 October 2019 : sleeping in & taking a huge shit: wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING
15 October 2019 : lmao the butt, christina!!!! kids come from the butt!!!
15 October 2019 : nothing good.
15 October 2019 : let’s just embrace the absurdity that is existence and calm tf down. shit out as many kids as you want. that’s not my jam, and i think it’s insane to want a lot of kids just cuz you want a lot of kids, but ultimately i don’t give a shit what you do with your life.
15 October 2019 : well said
15 October 2019 : RIGHT!!!!!!
15 October 2019 : lmao what a galaxy brain take!!!!
15 October 2019 : quick anatomy lesson: if you have a natural childbirth odds are you’re going to literally shit and if you say you didn’t, you’re probably lying :)
15 October 2019 : 💀💀💀💀
15 October 2019 : honestly i’m just fine not being well-received if it means accurately describing childbirth as shitting out a kid. be blessed, naomi!!!! https://twitter.com/naomiwi27420390/status/1183838001337470976
15 October 2019 : why isn’t the shriner’s hospital kid getting booked??? he’s such a natural actor i mean he cried in a commercial!!!! the talent!
15 October 2019 : hahahahahahaha
15 October 2019 : pic.twitter.com/0ceSMelspC
15 October 2019 : you must pay the dough toll if you want the dough
15 October 2019 : holy fuck
15 October 2019 : would love just the dad’s story after his daughter gets disappeared for 6mo and he has to navigate the bittersweetness of moving into financial stability/social mobility - the thing we all seek! - and suddenly feeling trapped by it/acknowledging it’s hard to reject
15 October 2019 : i just discovered smoked gouda and it’s definitely the best sandwich cheese by far. but where you put it in the sandwich/how much is entirely up to you!
15 October 2019 : her dad being miserable because he was involuntarily thrust into “middle class morality” is honestly so profoundly real.
15 October 2019 : not so
15 October 2019 : if everyone’s mouths stink ass that adds a delightful anti-classist undertone to the plot. “yes they’re fancy and rich but their breath stinks like ass and class is a man-made construct that should be parodied and satirized and ridiculed into oblivion.” a pleasant read.
15 October 2019 : the main plot hole of my fair lady is growing up in early 20th century poverty there’s no way her teeth would pass the classist inspection. unless, of course, everyone’s mouths in this film are festering pits of disease & decay, which means everyone stinks ass
15 October 2019 : 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
15 October 2019 : you'll want to look into smaller kitchen scales that clearly state they're for 100ths/1000ths. these ones are better for stuff ranging from 1/10th g to ~6lbs
15 October 2019 : holy shit
15 October 2019 : bout to smoke a fat bowl pic.twitter.com/3JWV7InMcQ
15 October 2019 : this kale has a really incredible head and body high
15 October 2019 : love to measure out some seasoned kale chips on my ozeri kitchen scale!
15 October 2019 : i worked at juicepress for a year. i can spot kale chips tossed in nutritional yeast from a mile away.
15 October 2019 : of course
15 October 2019 : this is better than the weed grinders that insist they are for “herbs”
15 October 2019 : enormous shoutout to this kitchen scale brand using as their main product photo a pile of kale chips, which from a distance looks like dank nugs pic.twitter.com/sPP2L7y5N1
15 October 2019 : part two:
15 October 2019 : if your income falls in $0-$15,000 and you watch *and enjoy* SUCCESSION, please respond to this poll: WHAT IS YOUR JOB/EMPLOYMENT STATUS?
15 October 2019 : IF YOU WATCH AND ENJOY 'SUCCESSION,' please respond to the poll below: WHAT IS YOUR ANNUAL INCOME?
15 October 2019 : no
15 October 2019 : lol think @epicurious would be a better fit ;)
15 October 2019 : i have so much work to do but as i grabbed my laptop i said "let yourself enjoy your day off" and then started this pic.twitter.com/xXH2gcLb2Y
15 October 2019 : me too!!
15 October 2019 : separation of church and state? in THIS fascism???????
15 October 2019 : trader joe’s! also yes it’s been a TASK but she works near a lot of fancy stores and has on multiple occasions brought home extremely quality bread.
15 October 2019 : lux you beautiful genius
15 October 2019 : hehehe
15 October 2019 : *sighs* *grabs laptop* *fires up excel* time to get overly invested in this! https://twitter.com/xfordcomma/status/1183910330625343488
15 October 2019 : there’s millions of potential combinations and preferences but i’ll try to come up with something! sounds like a fun project!!!
15 October 2019 : perhaps i’ll one day write a column determining the exactly perfect ratio of peanut butter to jelly
15 October 2019 : sure. it’s tangy like mustard but adds more substance without being too salty.
15 October 2019 : the secret to making a good sandwich is knowing what each ingredient tastes like on its own (bright? bitter? peppery? sweet? tangy? umami?) and pairing them together. the lemon juice blends with the arugula blends with the salami. the gouda blends w the turkey, etc.
15 October 2019 : sure but it’s pretty mellow so you’d wanna avoid pairing it with aromatics (if you wanna taste the cheese). mushroom & sundried tomatoes would both complement it in depth, but brighter flavors would drown it out.
15 October 2019 : turns out when you make sandwiches for a living you get pretty good at making sandwiches!
15 October 2019 : onion & chive cream cheese. arugula. turkey. peppered salami. havarti. smoked gouda. grilled onions (pop em in the toaster w olive oil & salt/pepper while the bread toasted). a lil sriracha. lemon juice.
15 October 2019 : made another dummy thick sandwich using food my roommate bought and it’s stupid good. pic.twitter.com/qjkg5MdF03
14 October 2019 : sliding doors mood
14 October 2019 : this fake freakout bullshit can choke on an avalanche of beefy farts
14 October 2019 : $14 lol
14 October 2019 : any time
14 October 2019 : i’m clearly pointing to and criticizing the philosophy of “i want a lot of kids because i grew up around a lot of kids” and not the practical/logistical motivations or lack of access to preventative measures that contributes to large families.
14 October 2019 : me
14 October 2019 : what an incredible mixup. for the record i will gladly take all the praise @chick_in_kiev earns pic.twitter.com/AAKm0NmuQZ
14 October 2019 : what a classic moment
14 October 2019 : ugh
14 October 2019 : hell yeah
14 October 2019 : are you confusing me with the other talia
14 October 2019 : preeeeeetty sure this ain’t his number & you’re just getting folks to spam... someone
14 October 2019 : community solidarity includes not telling gentrifiers which bodegas sell the $10 cigarettes 😈
14 October 2019 : eeee!!!!!!!!!! conGRATS!!!!!!!
14 October 2019 : what was the on-cam thing? what’s the new job? i’m so excited for you to have such exciting things going on!!!!
14 October 2019 : excruciatingly powerful double humblebrag here!! congrats!!!
14 October 2019 : RT @SWAIM_CORP: First day, baby! Life is but a game, and I play and comment upon it professionally. https://t.co/diguizYk8P
14 October 2019 : HELL! YES!!!!!!!!!
14 October 2019 : it is!
14 October 2019 : “the new season of big mouth” obviously y’all ain’t paying attention cuz this was their valentine’s day special and not their actual new season that just came out oops
14 October 2019 : i dunno i like shitposting goofy stuff it’s something @bendreyfuss would love about me if he weren’t such a coward
14 October 2019 : lmfao do you do t-shirt printing?!?!
14 October 2019 : the second i have money i am screenshotting this tweet and getting it printed on a shirt and/or sweater
14 October 2019 : every day is a good day to remind people that kathryn bigelow directed POINT BREAK.
14 October 2019 : last night a gal saw my kathryn bigelow shirt and said “i assume you’re in film because of your kathryn bigelow shirt” and i said “no, im a line cook. i just love POINT BREAK”
14 October 2019 : all of the background lighting faces toward the background pieces or is built into the in-wall fixtures the products are located, while the foreground lighting pushes *out and away* from the background stuff.
14 October 2019 : still not over this but now i’m focused on the lighting. the photoshop brings up light from at least 3 (possibly 4?) sources *on them* (pic 1) with the background lighting positioned totally opposite from the foreground (pic 2) pic.twitter.com/O5TBC3bpeN
14 October 2019 : a core component of the @CharliesAngels franchise is the emphasis on women being powerful and smart and capable, while not denying their sexuality or sensuality. this poster and its hack photoshop job are antithetical to that — and make clear that this film is one to skip.
14 October 2019 : whose elbows look like this pic.twitter.com/jCokYawmhl
14 October 2019 : DAMN IT
14 October 2019 : ALWAYS GRAPE https://twitter.com/jourdayen/status/1183854469366341632
14 October 2019 : GRAPE
14 October 2019 : “let’s just shave off the part where her outer arm curves and pull their elbows down so they look longer”
14 October 2019 : the skinny photoshop on these arms is basically treason pic.twitter.com/9gF1VauDob
14 October 2019 : 💗💗💗💗 expect something by thurs!
14 October 2019 : let kstew present queer!!!!!!!!!!!
14 October 2019 : putting kstew in a leather mini skirt is the worst “pretend to be straight” dressing i’ve seen since the last time i put on a maxi
14 October 2019 : who photoshopped this to make famously pale kstew the same color as her woc counterparts. https://twitter.com/charliesangels/status/1183457374943809536
14 October 2019 : god that’s so fucked. i hope he’s earning on level with the rest of the team, at least, now???
14 October 2019 : i have vocally refused to train for a shift lead position because the pay increase isn’t commensurate with the work expected. i had to take home a key last night and i actually felt revulsion.
14 October 2019 : my annoyingness is worker solidarity in action.
14 October 2019 : i casually mention things like “they don’t pay us enough to ____ alongside our regular responsibilities” and “if we walked out right now the restaurant would cease to function.” and “it’s weird that the kitchen produces 100% of the profit yet we don’t get a fair cut of the tips”
14 October 2019 : truly
14 October 2019 : hell yes
14 October 2019 : you better believe i’m letting my coworkers know how much leverage we have. i am salting like a motherfucker out here.
14 October 2019 : another thing is we only get a split of 25% of tips but if one of us calls out the kitchen can’t function, meaning the restaurant can’t function, so we are in a perfect position to agitate for better wages
14 October 2019 : one of my favorite things about working as a line cook is that we technically get one free meal per shift but i control the food so if a coworker is going home to an empty fridge i will absolutely make them food to take home i don’t give a fuck
14 October 2019 : solidarity ✊
14 October 2019 : WOULD WATCH. “Underpaid Boss” https://twitter.com/elsangito/status/1183846143626629120
14 October 2019 : also if i get the job i will absolutely pay you retroactively
14 October 2019 : i can’t currently pay you in money but if there’s anything you need that i could help with consider me indebted to you
14 October 2019 : i absolutely loathe you
14 October 2019 : i love and appreciate you so much!!!
14 October 2019 : YESSSSS ok i will dm you after i’ve started working on it! deadline is “a week or less” but i’m off until fri so hoping to be basically done by thurs!
14 October 2019 : i am a poor boy but if you would be open to it i can pay you via cooking you dinner or organizing your closet!!!!
14 October 2019 : cc @CarolineMoss @lemonsand @jourdayen @LuxAlptraum @transscribe ???
14 October 2019 : any writer buds open to reviewing/giving notes on an edit test i’ve got to work on this week? would love to know who i can stress-text when i start hyperventilating!!!!
14 October 2019 : i love this but... is it a sizzlers...?
14 October 2019 : “thigh high politics”
14 October 2019 : lol i said em and my phone changed it to me. drop me off early mama lmao
14 October 2019 : you drop me off early and they get that time to catch up on anything they forgot or to just hang out with their friends before school!
14 October 2019 : i’ve reluctantly begun watching the new season of big mouth and i’m so pissed that literally the first scene is a when harry met sally parody STOP CATERING TO EXACTLY ME pic.twitter.com/RxW8tWU6XS
14 October 2019 : lmao
14 October 2019 : just trying to use my skills for good!
14 October 2019 : bout to take a david frenchian dump
14 October 2019 : david french thinks he’s the tough guy in a battle where his indomitable foe is a single paper straw. david french thinks he can coin the term “david frenchian” and it’ll have any meaning except its real meaning: being an enormous clown who never realizes how stupid he is
14 October 2019 : “David Frenchian” pic.twitter.com/JvABvV6vCQ
14 October 2019 : please put in the subject of the email PERSONAL STATEMENT [YOUR NAME]
14 October 2019 : you can email me taliajanework gmail or dm me if you have questions. i wanna help and am good at this even if i think college is a scam!
14 October 2019 : all i need is an email with: - personal statement prompt - your rough draft/some ideas on how you could respond to the prompt - a little about you (extracurriculars, unique experiences, etc.) if you’ve written it & just want an extra set of eyes with minimal notes, $5/free!
14 October 2019 : if any of you are or have high school-age kids who are working on personal statements for college admissions, i used to tutor AP english (language & lit comp) and you are welcome to reach out to me for help! it’s $20 unless you’re financially burdened in which case it’s free.
14 October 2019 : boooooooooooo
14 October 2019 : also what parent would be like “boo, i want my child sleep deprived and doing god knows what while i’m at work”?????
14 October 2019 : plus plus a 9-5 school day means fewer latchkey kids (bc their schedules more closely match their parents), lower childcare costs, and a chance to acclimate to a realistic work to life balance. nothing but good can come from letting kids sleep in!!!!!!!!!
14 October 2019 : plus if your parents take you to school on their way to work it means 1 you get to school earlier than you need to catch up on hw, study for a test, or eat breakfast, and gradually step into the day.
14 October 2019 : if you have zero period you have to be *at school* at 7am, with first period starting at 8am. that’s earlier than most adults get to work & means the first few hours of school are just waking up. pushing start times back gives kids a chance to wake up! https://twitter.com/latimes/status/1183766997781209088
14 October 2019 : i put a sorta twinkle light string around our bathroom mirror to offset overhead lighting when we do our makeup and it’s improved the situation *dramatically*
14 October 2019 : omg these colors match both of our avis omg omg omg
14 October 2019 : to be fair this is basically how it’d look with light and i haven’t done my right hand yet so
14 October 2019 : “this looks great and good,” she said, sitting in shadows
14 October 2019 : love to do my nails in the dark lmao pic.twitter.com/OYhlq2Jl7a
14 October 2019 : 😎 pic.twitter.com/8ATWWhHuCc
14 October 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
14 October 2019 : yeah, mojave & rosamond lol
14 October 2019 : i’ve been using “acutely” like someone will kill me if i let it go
14 October 2019 : it never made sense to me that leuzinger had a really crappy field with a cement track while redondo union had fuckin tennis courts and culver city had a fancy cushioned track
14 October 2019 : harry cherry no you’re not
14 October 2019 : i went to high school in kern county and los angeles county and for a semester when i played lacrosse i went to games at schools outside our district but within the county that clearly had too much money for their nicest schools and not enough for their poorest
14 October 2019 : we should tax rich people back to reality and use those taxes to improve schools throughout the county the taxees live in versus just helping their already-affluent local schools re-astroturf their regulation-sized football stadiums or whatever
14 October 2019 : i have a copy if you’d like i can send it to you!
14 October 2019 : they should be taxed back to reality
14 October 2019 : have you read nicole chung’s ‘all you can ever know’? it’s about her experiences as an adopted child and it’s beautiful.
14 October 2019 : this is notes from “i got an uninterrupted full night’s sleep and laughed at people who want kids because i can’t imagine trading this luxury for anything”
14 October 2019 : also why is it everyone who wants a big family because they come from a big family also always is embroiled in a ton of stupid drama with their existing relatives. you just want someone else to experience that?
14 October 2019 : my personal philosophy on kids is if i have any they’d be adopted cuz there’s already too many people on the planet and creating more is selfish and narcissistic af. you’re not so special that your genetic material deserves to survive longer than you.
14 October 2019 : i just woke up and was thinking about how good it feels to sleep in and i cannot possibly imagine trading this feeling just to have kids lmao
14 October 2019 : 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
14 October 2019 : do people who say “i want a big family because i come from a big family” know that instead of shitting out a ton of kids they can just....hang out with their already-alive family?
14 October 2019 : this is your job now
14 October 2019 : keep tweeting their ideas you’re doing the lord’s work
14 October 2019 : hm, seems better as literally just this sentence.
14 October 2019 : lmao yeeeesssssss
14 October 2019 : YOINKS
14 October 2019 : wrecked by the ham lawyer
14 October 2019 : WOOOOOOOOW
14 October 2019 : help i’m in love but i’m so roasted too https://twitter.com/thehamlawyer/status/1183631021306191874
14 October 2019 : how to win me over: 1. be queer 2. text me photos of trash i am a queer raccoon omg
14 October 2019 : eating an avocado with sriracha because i LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF and i know i DESERVE JOY
14 October 2019 : now we’re texting each other pictures of trash because trash represents all the people who used the things being thrown out i am in HEAVEN pic.twitter.com/X6tZyB4K8X
14 October 2019 : stopped into the local bar after that hellish padlock debacle and wound up chatting with a gorgeous nb babe about gender & sexuality & art & existing in urban spaces and boy oh boy
14 October 2019 : WOAH
14 October 2019 : ✊✊✊ https://twitter.com/deusvulpix/status/1183556765939654656
14 October 2019 : i am going to arrive home approx 15 minutes earlier than normal despite having closed an hour and a half earlier than normal. i love the new dishwasher. if not for them i’d be washing dishes right now, with no idea of the pain to come
14 October 2019 : mom. dad. don’t fight.
14 October 2019 : I KNOW. as soon as he said that i was like HAHA NO and he was like maybe you have a business card or can call someone who can read the account numbers? and i was like NO THEYRE ALL DEAD and as soon as i paid the “service fee” (for him coming out to do nothing) i cancelled my card
14 October 2019 : the locksmith wants like $250 to fix this and i’m like hell no and i’m so bummed cuz he’s cute but like i’m pretty sure he just filed the pins down and then said “gotta drill to get this off cuz the pins are busted” sure thing and i’m donald duck
14 October 2019 : oh man we had a new dishwasher tonight and we finished *at least* an hour earlier than we normally get out but the padlock to bring down the gate is jammed so i’m still here, waiting for the locksmith 😩
14 October 2019 : tweet unavailable :(
14 October 2019 : thank you for the reassurance pic.twitter.com/jd9SgdiSnM
13 October 2019 : “the customer is always right” ok but literally every customer at chipotle doesn’t know what a bay leaf is
13 October 2019 : succession isn’t good everyone just whispers through high ceilings and glass walls
13 October 2019 : is it? or is it just fancy?
13 October 2019 : watch the righteous gemstones instead
13 October 2019 : i refuse it just as i refused game of thrones for the overproduced flimsy soap opera it was
13 October 2019 : STMC is my boyfriend
13 October 2019 : thank u i love u 😭😩
13 October 2019 : thank u 💗
13 October 2019 : tell your boyfriend he was hilarious in el camino
13 October 2019 : they lowered the rent cuz they couldn’t find any takers
13 October 2019 : thanks the management company installed it in an effort to rent out the unit for $400 more than it’s worth lmao
13 October 2019 : i definitely was like “great now i gotta start dating WHICH I DONT HAVE TIME FOR just to prove them wrong!”
13 October 2019 : ITS SO GOOD
13 October 2019 : who’s “not really bi” ????? pic.twitter.com/R69IqP9F7T
13 October 2019 : rest assured you only need to watch like three episodes of succession, which is not a good show!, to understand the funniest parodies of it.
13 October 2019 : this took a turn!
13 October 2019 : hahaha i hate this!
13 October 2019 : me too!
13 October 2019 : plus saying out loud your deepest insecurity!
13 October 2019 : this legit looks incredibly stupid in the absolute best way https://twitter.com/dril/status/1183214966217641984
13 October 2019 : 💗💗💗
13 October 2019 : also i’ve found people are more motivated to make genuine amends if i take a step back rather than raging at them. they don’t get to fall into the easy “fight” dialogue or hide from their mistakes in the overfull skirt of my anger. it’s laid out clear as day.
13 October 2019 : there was once a time when i would cut someone out completely if they hurt me - even offhandedly. give them back anything they gave me or throw it out, delete their number. full purge. now it’s more clinical: this is where you hurt me. this is why it’s wrong. i need to process.
13 October 2019 : it’s worse when you have boobs. they use reading as an excuse.
13 October 2019 : also can we hang out soon please
13 October 2019 : i am verging on 30 and have little energy for melodrama or throwing my all into educating someone from the ground up and the dissonance between my intellectual over it and my emotional not over it is pretty surprising to me!
13 October 2019 : i’m still reeling by how deeply it crushed me. like, i’m surprised
13 October 2019 : it’s fine i’m hanging out with my favorite crotch snuggler and slowly working past the phase where everything my friend says, does, and even how they look is tinged with annoying ugliness because they shattered my love filter and now their existence momentarily disgusts me pic.twitter.com/dBILDAz44x
13 October 2019 : it’s been a weird time!
13 October 2019 : lmfao pic.twitter.com/WHyXr8cA27
13 October 2019 : finally found out how i’d react when a friend tells me i’m not “really” bi. turns out: not great!
13 October 2019 : 😩😩😩😩
13 October 2019 : lmao i love brendan holding onto the coke mirror for dear life
13 October 2019 : they don’t have the same fatty tissue in their cheeks as a boxer or someone deliberately dehydrating
13 October 2019 : long way to go just to get your parents to drive you to the mall
13 October 2019 : i am better than my parents because i am famous not because i am kinder and more giving than they are
13 October 2019 : papa i love you so i’m forcing you to drive for lyft because i have a wildly distorted understanding of the relationship between money and morality
13 October 2019 : a mother forced to work at 2am with her husband and sleeping child with her: this is good and i should make my parents experience this too
13 October 2019 : i can’t wait to be rich so i can force my parents to work https://twitter.com/yesjulz/status/1183100598696198144
13 October 2019 : a mood
13 October 2019 : oh my god it is pic.twitter.com/bDfTQncCpZ
13 October 2019 : lmaoooo
13 October 2019 : skinny pete has to be a boxer. nobody gets sunken-in cheeks with big apples like that except boxers dehydrating before a weigh-in.
13 October 2019 : OOP they really get you to be like “gotta be the plants. gotta be under the table. gotta be in the fireplace.” these tricky babies know their audience is paying attention and i love them for it
13 October 2019 : ok then my guess is under the table or on the roof
13 October 2019 : oh absolutely
13 October 2019 : obviously it’s gotta be in the plants right
13 October 2019 : just got to this shot in EL CAMINO and yelled out JESUS CHRIST. pic.twitter.com/6LkWmNY6D6
13 October 2019 : awhile ago @thejessgoodwin gave me a neat clothing tip: put all your hangers in facing backward. anything you don’t wear after a season/year, toss. i’ve been looking forward to getting an office job so i can actually wear normal clothes more than once a week & use this trick!!
13 October 2019 : brings a lotta joy
13 October 2019 : ?
13 October 2019 : that middle age bloat guys get that makes their heads huge is my favorite
13 October 2019 : my favorite part in EL CAMINO so far is how all the actors heads have gotten HUGE since we last saw them
13 October 2019 : eh
13 October 2019 : the scariest halloween costume in gentrified bushwick is a neighbor who talks to their neighbors
13 October 2019 : if nicole is over it that’s the end of juul for us all https://twitter.com/nicole_cliffe/status/1183397856440442882
13 October 2019 : i’m legit excited for you. humidifiers!!!!!
13 October 2019 : obviously pic.twitter.com/1anfW2w7Ys
13 October 2019 : i love you so much!!!!
13 October 2019 : lux is sort of like the dr. ruth of the 21st century and you+everyone you know (especially cishet men) should read it because it’ll help everyone become more empathetic partners/parents/friends!!!!! https://www.amazon.com/Faking-Women-Sex-Truths-Reveal/dp/1580057659/ref=nodl_
13 October 2019 : i love lux and her beautiful brain and if you find this thread illuminating (as you should!) you will extremely love her book, which i will never stop raving about because everyone should read it and hire her to do talks and show off her compassionate brilliance everywhere https://twitter.com/luxalptraum/status/1183357621895663616
13 October 2019 : give yourself a few sleeps to adjust but i’m excited for you to have a winter season with a humidifier!
13 October 2019 : i wanna write on the dril show lemme write on the dril show
13 October 2019 : do you consider taking enormous dumps a plus or minus
13 October 2019 : looked in my room and caught kenobi fully luxuriating in the humidifier what a sl*t pic.twitter.com/IKZ6scRtnz
13 October 2019 : this app is 100% harvesting my data and listening to my conversations pic.twitter.com/wqN8eQlet5
13 October 2019 : i checked my co-star while taking a dump, after telling my roommate “i’m gunna take a DUMP” and the first thing it said was “emptiness makes room for grace” 👀👀👀👀👀
13 October 2019 : i also don’t know their name or any information about them but i do know i gotta join their family
13 October 2019 : help someone who follows me is spamming me with beautiful pictures of their beautiful pets in their beautiful house and they won’t let me adopt myself into their family
13 October 2019 : OH MY GOD HOW ARE YOUR PHOTOS SO GOOD TOO
13 October 2019 : i need to live in this house with these pups
13 October 2019 : 😭😭😭😭😭 please tell me everything about your pups and your life via dm i’m joining your family
13 October 2019 : REGRET pic.twitter.com/P5HYomz2LN
13 October 2019 : i can’t get over this photo oh my god
13 October 2019 : THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
13 October 2019 : ✊
13 October 2019 : oh my god is that your dog
13 October 2019 : if you don’t have a humidifier or any sinus-related tools for coping with dry air, boil hot water. put in a large bowl. place head over bowl. cover head with towel (so no steam can come out) and breathe in the steam through your nose for ~10 minutes. tag me in the pics.
13 October 2019 : are u suggesting i can blame being single for a decade on an underlying larger cultural problem please for the love of god say yes
13 October 2019 : 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 https://twitter.com/drrjkavanagh/status/1183289267243638786
13 October 2019 : get a life, pal!!!!!!!! cottage cheese is GOD!
13 October 2019 : it’s this one https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FMT9CSX/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_sMZODbXA38A60 but their site has a larger one in the same style for roughly the same price https://www.homasy.com/collections/humidifier/products/homasy-victsing-upgraded-humidifiers-with-filter-impurities-stone-3l-ultrasonic-cool-mist-humidifier-for-baby-bedroom-large-vaporizer-humidifying-unit-with-whisper-quiet-auto-shut-off-protection
13 October 2019 : lemme see if i can find the one i got. it has lil beads in it that prevent hard water buildup (allegedly). i previously had the vick’s cool moisture one but hard water broke it - twice. this one has a little lid that comes off easily so you can pour directly into the reservoir
13 October 2019 : also helpful when you have a cold and sleep with your mouth open to prevent your throat from getting dry while your nose is stuffed up
13 October 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
13 October 2019 : DO IT it’s literally the only thing that has saved me from impending sinus infections and the bonus is it’s good for your skin! the puffy face (plus some coughing) happens the first night of high use but once your body adjusts, it’s glorious
13 October 2019 : i love her
13 October 2019 : my whole eye area is swollen from my very dry sinuses filling up with water, which will relax after being upright and un-humidified. also it’s the perfect weather to drink coffee on the stoop so i had to bring my Busted AF A-game
13 October 2019 : in other news i slept with my humidifier on high pouring glorious gas-water over my face and the result is i look hungover as fuck pic.twitter.com/dkKelM4zE6
13 October 2019 : i involuntarily shock exhaled really hard reading this
13 October 2019 : YEET
13 October 2019 : if their only concrete analysis is “____ is bad” they’re not ~expanding your critique of the world~ they’re just a bitter asshole
13 October 2019 : beware folks who claim leftism who are just angry 4 favs. they’ll pick up any ideology & position if it means they get to be mad at something and feel superior to everyone. don’t fall for the ruse.
13 October 2019 : i have watched parks and rec so many times and every time the lil sebastian episode happens i fall into a panic over this plot hole
13 October 2019 : they should punch down at their dumb ugly dicks
13 October 2019 : how did ron get a recording of leslie and ben making out but it was a phone call he allegedly answered and did not hang up “before ruth bader ginsburg” yet was able to play another message on command does ron record every phone call did he edit it into soundbites
13 October 2019 : cómo te gustan *esas* manzanas?????
13 October 2019 : you could nominate a dog to the supreme court
13 October 2019 : i......100% would watch this? https://twitter.com/nbcsnl/status/1183237058963398658
13 October 2019 : yes
13 October 2019 : game. over.
13 October 2019 : i fucking love arugula so much
13 October 2019 : i know
13 October 2019 : today i learned arugula was once considered an aphrodisiac, which explains why every time i eat arugula i’m like “god i wanna fuck this salad”
13 October 2019 : you gotta have 3-5 years experience to work at walgreens but not to be nominated for a seat on the supreme court
13 October 2019 : imagine considering yourself a professional comedian who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars - if not millions - a year and thinking it’s hip to be mad that a freelance journalist doesn’t mindlessly praise you. imagine being that hack who wealths-out of being able to punch up.
13 October 2019 : imagine being rich and raging mad about.... anything? money can’t buy you happiness but at least it can buy you hobbies. try hobbies, rich people.
13 October 2019 : i just...need to...have some cool experiences.
13 October 2019 : i’m roxane gay’s secret nemesis
13 October 2019 : i think i might get into saving drafts if only to keep track of envy-inducing cool experiences so i have a stockpile to drop when my life is going very poorly but i don’t want my enemies to feel even a second of joy
13 October 2019 : seth simons has better hair than 100% of the people trying to hate on him. it’s absolutely the source of his power.
13 October 2019 : phenomenal work here
13 October 2019 : imagine working with me? what an exhausting joy-fueled romp.
13 October 2019 : additionally for whatever reason my coworker and i could not stop saying the word “chiffonade” as we cut a bunch of kale and when they left at the end of their shift i said to them “have a good night! don’t be chiffoNAUGHTY” it’s been a weird night pic.twitter.com/J70YEPRSe4
13 October 2019 : lmfaoooo
13 October 2019 : i almost un-retweeted this because i wanted to retweet it again lmao
13 October 2019 : she’ll be like “black lives matter!” and then two tweets later “my brother in law is a cop i love cops” pic.twitter.com/yVaNco576W
13 October 2019 : i love when woke4favs folks say shit like “men, you can’t get pregnant so you have no say in abortion rights” yes i’m lurking my enemy’s awful twitter account and yes i’m enjoying that she discovered being vaguely political gets her easy attention between gym selfies
13 October 2019 : hm i thought the joke was he got a 25 cent haircut, since he says he paid $26 tip included
13 October 2019 : i’m so glad you’re back on twitter
13 October 2019 : scott walker tipped $25.75 on a 25 cent haircut lmao
13 October 2019 : i did not know about that thumb rule! is that for hotels?
13 October 2019 : i remember it like it was yesterday. the anxiety. the excitement. the only ever being on there when twitter is dead and i’m on my laptop and i’m able to remember my login and finding out a week later i was invited to something i didn’t know was happening. https://twitter.com/luxalptraum/status/1183174284832886785
13 October 2019 : time flies when i’m only ever on there on the off-chance i remember my login!
12 October 2019 : i do like to overtip on small tabs especially when it’s really dead. i’ll tip 100% on a $5 tab cuz why not
12 October 2019 : you paid $26 to look like a joke lmao
12 October 2019 : i also don’t drink that often and when i do drink i only have like one or two so i don’t really know the etiquette for tabs larger than $10 lol
12 October 2019 : i don’t work in a bar/brewery so i can’t speak as an authority on this but typically i tip at least 20% when closing out a tab or $1 per drink since i usually get a $5 drink. more for cocktails/mixed bev, more for bartenders i know at the only bar i go to cuz it’s near my house https://twitter.com/american_kopite/status/1183139799877799938
12 October 2019 : i’m so happy i’ll get to see YOUR face and have MY face been seen by YOU!!!!!
12 October 2019 : i am not scheduled to work on october 22nd which means i get to attend @jamiattenberg ’s book launch party and i am so fucking hype i could puke!!! come see me hold in my excitement barf and also enjoy the non-barf related fun?? !!!! https://www.facebook.com/events/books-are-magic/jami-attenberg-all-this-could-be-yours-w-julie-orringer/392844708082025/
12 October 2019 : fwiw this concern is largely directed to overly familiar cis men
12 October 2019 : ben are you okay
12 October 2019 : imagine thinking this is an insult on aoc’s perfect haircut & color that she paid a normal price for https://twitter.com/scottwalker/status/1183025234028519424
12 October 2019 : i hope the server asked her “would you like the check, mate?”
12 October 2019 : the humidity in nyc is usually around 70-90% and lately it has been in the 50s, resulting in dry sinuses that your body is attempting to hydrate by creating snot. hold your head over a bowl of hot water for 10 minutes with a towel over your head and see if that improves things.
12 October 2019 : i don’t know what that word means but i’m proud of you for using it
12 October 2019 : i have not infrequently told someone “rethink this” in response to an overly familiar “joke” and it results in them realizing pretty quickly that there are limits to how they communicate, but i also try to keep my mentions as welcoming and friendly as possible. tricky.
12 October 2019 : sounds like you’ve got bigger problems. in lieu of humidifier, boil hot water and pour into a large bowl. put head over bowl. cover head with towel. inhale slowly to allow steam to enter your sinuses. bonus is it opens your pores!
12 October 2019 : another one is “i don’t like closing shifts because i just want to go home” yes i am with you that feeling is valid stop reminding me so we can get out of here
12 October 2019 : “it takes a long time to go places” and “this grocery store has many people in it” are just two of the things people freak out about as if they are the only ones experiencing this for the first time and that i was socialized to not notice.
12 October 2019 : the benefit of growing up in los angeles is when i search directions to anywhere 5 miles away and the map says it’ll take 47 minutes i’m like “cool” instead of being like “it’s only FIVE MILES!!! what the fuck!!!!!”
12 October 2019 : lotta folks thinking they’re getting colds right now when in reality they just need to sleep with a humidifier by their bed
12 October 2019 : boarding the plane now i’ll be there in 5-6 hours
12 October 2019 : she knows how to stretch them hips pic.twitter.com/r2AymoQPfQ
12 October 2019 : gave my neighbor’s dog a stuffed ny giants teddy bear i got for free from work and she’s being so stupid cute with it i wanna die pic.twitter.com/TGzxCkOaJx
12 October 2019 : thank you 🥰🥰🥰
12 October 2019 : lmao we love our pets
12 October 2019 : anyway, forget the spoon. all you need is to put the avo on its flat side and pull. if the avo is too ripe or underripe you’ll have some trouble but this method has shown the best/fastest results while working the line regardless of avo ripeness
12 October 2019 : last time i posted a video from work someone claiming to be from DOH freaked out about the phone being in cold holding without considering i have my food handlers, there was not an active DOH inspection happening, i changed my gloves before & after, and my phone was in a cup.
12 October 2019 : last night i finagled a takeout container to hold up my phone so i could take a video on how to peel and cut an avocado so you can fan it out all pretty-like. the secret is using the table to push against and peeling from the narrow part first. DOH, eat your heart out. pic.twitter.com/OSxUJ8xqZR
12 October 2019 : that’s what i tell people
12 October 2019 : this is my first at home burn and i am shaken
12 October 2019 : i am, in fact
12 October 2019 : every time a friend first visits my apartment i bring kenobi our from my bedroom just to show them how big he is and every time they say “that is a BIG cat!” and i say “but he’s long!” he doesn’t like strangers i can’t figure out why
12 October 2019 : pay your workers a living wage https://www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=The_Coca-Cola_Company/Hourly_Rate
12 October 2019 : the arugula we get at work sometimes has flowers and i thought “maybe i’ll plant these” and then i thought “i should ask chris” and then i forgot the flowers in the pocket of my kitchen coat so
12 October 2019 : ok but ethan hawke is ethan hawke
12 October 2019 : end borders on pancake-having
12 October 2019 : i love you btw
12 October 2019 : the catch is if it were true you wouldn’t have to tweet me telling me so
12 October 2019 : why do they have to be a citizen
12 October 2019 : that is true!
12 October 2019 : he walked so timothee chalamet could run
12 October 2019 : lol same “flossing is important!”
12 October 2019 : my beautiful oven betrayed me pic.twitter.com/6verpBmhqX
12 October 2019 : RT @kapsicin: Yall think emotional labor is texting your friends back when actually emotional labor is when you’re on register and 7 differ…
12 October 2019 : sure kenobi’s fat but he’s also seven normal cats long pic.twitter.com/C6pnnfaBxX
12 October 2019 : COURTNEY
12 October 2019 : Waiting For The Dough
12 October 2019 : listen: avocado with sriracha. it’s god levels.
12 October 2019 : this is such an overblown pile of bullshit but TRISH SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT has to be top 10 dumbest chyrons. also big love to the moment the teleprompter didn’t move fast enough so she had to reread the prewritten garbage lol https://twitter.com/jordanuhl/status/1182819516042170368
12 October 2019 : i’m here for u but i *am* pooping so
12 October 2019 : good news: the breakthrough was powerful enough to transform into a promising Note. bad news: i can’t stay up all night and manic-write all the juicy sentence fragments flying through my brain
12 October 2019 : you gotta take a drug test to work at goodwill but not to run for president.
12 October 2019 : there is no pain quite like having an earth-shattering breakthrough about a creative project while elbow-deep in dirty dishes at work with two hours left on your shift. except for when you get home from work and you’re too bone tired to pursue it.
12 October 2019 : sending every ounce of good to the best boy 💗
12 October 2019 : an icon
12 October 2019 : determination
12 October 2019 : the gentrifier’s paradox
12 October 2019 : 2 talia 2 furious
12 October 2019 : talias never lie
12 October 2019 : goodbye, good hair day. i hardly knew ye. pic.twitter.com/Eyhm8755hE
12 October 2019 : i am so insanely proud of @chick_in_kiev for everything she does and is and her getting rudy guiliani to respond to prank texts is just a small fraction of her unending well of excellence
12 October 2019 : if my inability to make pancakes is rooted in my bisexuality i will be perfectly happy finding a partner of any gender instead of mastering pancakes
12 October 2019 : blocked & reported https://twitter.com/coolmattdavis/status/1182871069306376192
11 October 2019 : squatting to open up my hips and also get out as many farts as i can pic.twitter.com/MxOntoURMv
11 October 2019 : why’s it a hymen and not a hyWOME i don’t care about this joke i’m just typing something cuz i told my coworker i needed to step outside to send an urgent email but i just needed to do some farts
11 October 2019 : add an n to the first one lol
11 October 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
11 October 2019 : wow
11 October 2019 : I KNOW THATS THE PROBLEM
11 October 2019 : sounds fake
11 October 2019 : lmao
11 October 2019 : great now i gotta learn how to make APPLESAUCE TOO
11 October 2019 : true
11 October 2019 : i literally list on every resume under the goals section “learn the ability to make pancakes” and one job i didn’t get the interviewer actually emailed me later saying the trick is the viscosity of the batter? https://twitter.com/simonjenkin/status/1182753705453637632
11 October 2019 : i was given a set from @the_mckern but most folks rec King for ceramic whetstones. he gave me some diamond plate ones that sharpen faster than ceramic but i’m not sure of the brand
11 October 2019 : the only time i’ve managed to sort of make pancakes was with a krusteez mix i got at the dollar store.
11 October 2019 : shep smith go on chapo
11 October 2019 : i’m bi as hell, which means i’m ready to fall in love with anyone regardless of their identity so long as they are kind and willing to teach me how to make pancakes (and will hug me through the inevitable pancake-related meltdown)
11 October 2019 : absolutely not
11 October 2019 : no
11 October 2019 : every time i put on sweats and pull my hair up into a ponytail to go to work the day after i got to dress like a normal person with my hair looking nice, feels like a funeral. rest in peace, good hair day. gone but not forgotten.
11 October 2019 : like a candle in the wind https://twitter.com/maxwelltani/status/1182746442047336450
11 October 2019 : worth noting i have to go to work now so!
11 October 2019 : stealing this idea from my husband @yashar : if you’d like a safe space to come out privately or to just write out the questions you have around your identity, you are welcome to DM me. your message/info/etc won’t be shared. you can also email me securely taliajane@protonmail.com
11 October 2019 : hanging out with some dinosaurs pic.twitter.com/t9ge3HRjzT
11 October 2019 : i dream of a world where cishet people are the minority and they’re all like in a terror that someone will minimize their existence if they walk out the house wearing jcrew & khakis lmao
11 October 2019 : coming out is couched in the notion that cisheterosexuality is the default. i dream of a world where nobody has to come out or fear coming out because everyone is queer. until then, your path and discovery and growth are valid and beautiful and i love you. #NationalComingOutDay
11 October 2019 : what a gift
11 October 2019 : one thing i miss about hawthorne that i quickly found again in bushwick
11 October 2019 : gouda: the meat of cheese talia: the meat of me’s
11 October 2019 : watching grace & frankie on my neighbor’s couch. he insisted he’d talk shit about it throughout. instead he’s laughing out loud every 30-45 seconds. victory. pic.twitter.com/Her9co5hhx
11 October 2019 : 17yo shelby didn’t even use email
11 October 2019 : 17yo shelby set the TONE for twitter comedy
11 October 2019 : i thought gemini man was a joke
10 October 2019 : can’t believe the guy whose whole deal is lying to save his ass is once again lying to save his ass. also when you cover your face with your hands, you vanish. and when you move your hands and say “boo!” and then your face comes back? boy howdy i fuckin lose it.
10 October 2019 : and smart and funny and beautiful and a great addition to your workplace https://twitter.com/ouisequitur/status/1182441355307634691
10 October 2019 : i am cooking 3 dishes at once pic.twitter.com/lpK9q0Ue1Q
10 October 2019 : thinkin bout them slicey boys pic.twitter.com/TOpjkLh8Ru
10 October 2019 : i did not know such a thing existed. maybe i shall add a bit of lime juice and chili powder after they cook!
10 October 2019 : my go-to when i lived near one and could go there was tilapia fillet (from the discount store) over rice w the bell peps
10 October 2019 : i’m currently making an ultra low effort dinner while i finish sharpening knives: preheating the oven to cook a frozen pizza, simmering quinoa, lettin some peppy slicey babes get their groove on.
10 October 2019 : makin food in the nude with your dude? cook some bells while you find yourselves.
10 October 2019 : the frozen sliced bell pepper trio from trader joe’s is as supportive of my needs and aspirations as the best of friends. wanna perk up your sad lil dindin? toss some slicey boys in a pan with oil, let em hang out on low with a lid to thaw. add s&p. let em brown, go to town.
10 October 2019 : would any of my mutuals like to chat on the phone with me lol
10 October 2019 : we’re all uncool down here
10 October 2019 : “sorry if you can hear a scraping sound in the background, i’m sharpening knives because i have to keep my hands busy during calls so my brain doesn’t fall out of my butt” “i can’t hear it” “well... now you know”
10 October 2019 : this is all so bizarre.
10 October 2019 : sharpening my roommate’s knives while catching up on phone calls. this santoku has a few minor chips in the blade (which come out in regular sharpening) and the tip has dulled. very little work to do - standard sharpening job. will be back in action shortly. pic.twitter.com/QNDR3PELOD
10 October 2019 : hahahahaha was talking to a friend on sertraline & i was like “do u ever j/o just to make sure you still can” and she SCREAMED with laughter. it’s a thing!!!!
10 October 2019 : 💗💗💗
10 October 2019 : update he’s a baby (23) so odds are he has no clue/is just super optimistic.
10 October 2019 : i’m an infant what is buffalos bill
10 October 2019 : any time you save a photo of me to your phone it is too far lol
10 October 2019 : this dude who gave me his business card cuz he o/h me talking about a job i applied for, and who has since suggested we meet for coffee & i give him my number, either doesn’t realize what predatory behavior he’s dancing around or he knows and he’s about to get his ass kicked
10 October 2019 : it’s a good’un! i appreciate that i can up it very slightly when i know i’m heading toward more taxing or anxiety-inducing times and that i can go back down after without bottoming out
10 October 2019 : that’s what’s weird. it looks exactly like something 30+ would like, but then the copy is all like this pic.twitter.com/4yXZtpWrmp
10 October 2019 : @RKennerB @yashar yes i am ☺️🥰☺️
10 October 2019 : thanks hubby 😘😘😘
10 October 2019 : you’d think! but the copy on their site suggests their focus is teens.
10 October 2019 : you’re so supportive i wish they could make bras out of your skin
10 October 2019 : happy mental health awareness dayyyyyyyy from me & my anxiety disorder 💗💗💗 pic.twitter.com/zQDTftkI5Z
10 October 2019 : my favorite thing is whenever i remark to a guy “you shaved!” he always responds “i was depressed”
10 October 2019 : should i pic.twitter.com/TQxXutiA6i
10 October 2019 : still dying that security photographed me while i was fanning myself & this is what the folks i was scheduled to meet for the first time saw on my check-in notice pic.twitter.com/6HSU3IBeXk
10 October 2019 : i’ve been had bangs they just got too long
10 October 2019 : I DONT THINK THEY KNOW
10 October 2019 : WHO IS DOING THEIR MARKETING AND WHY DO THEY THINK MILLENNIALS ARE TEENS
10 October 2019 : NOOOOOOOOO
10 October 2019 : oy
10 October 2019 : i think it was the A. i’ve been on 4 different trains today so hard to tell. maybe the E?
10 October 2019 : hearing from folks throughout nyc who have been equally baffled and not in the fun ‘clever marketing’ way. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1182369782395523073
10 October 2019 : lmaoooo
10 October 2019 : the secret is to pull your hair up above your head so you look like a troll doll and then cut straight across so you get even layers. in 2009 i went to a fantastic sam’s and paid $5 and watched them work and except for 2 other occasions i have not paid to have my hair cut since
10 October 2019 : also if you search “blume acne” on twitter it’s all young adults/teens recommending the products to one another. unclear why the company’s actual marketing is so wildly off-base.
10 October 2019 : you could live forever. but there’s just one catch.... https://twitter.com/thelogantrent/status/1182375087565094912
10 October 2019 : i’m saying!!!!!! who! is! this! for!
10 October 2019 : let the record reflect that i cut my own hair because it needed a trim and not, as usually is the case, to stave off an impending emotional meltdown pic.twitter.com/3vp12H16bZ
10 October 2019 : someone tell marketers and headline writers that 35 year olds are not 16 and 16 year olds are not 35
10 October 2019 : it feels like seeing a 12 year old wearing anne taylor loft. it’s not like “hey adult acne!” it’s “hey teens, remember AOL? wait — you don’t even remember 9/11?!”
10 October 2019 : but that’s not the message! the message is focused toward teens, and if you look at their site the focus there is also teens
10 October 2019 : v bad marketing. truly feels like a 50yo guessing what kids are like by asking a 35yo what they were into when they were 16
10 October 2019 : if you see it please snap a pic my train car was too crowded so all i could do was gawk in confusion
10 October 2019 : i know that
10 October 2019 : blume: hire me to do your copy. $50/hr to fix this weird misdirected nonsense and $75/hr for new actually on-voice copy
10 October 2019 : that’s what i thought too but one of the “texts” was like “ttyl acne & zts”
10 October 2019 : it’s like a genx company that thinks millennials are 16. look at this website. everything about this *except* the teens is designed/written to appeal to 30-year olds https://www.blume.com
10 October 2019 : is it for millennials who.... have teen children....? is it for teens who...... know what an away message auto response is? who
10 October 2019 : today i saw a subway ad for an acne medication(?) that had pictures of teens with aol messenger text/early 2000s shorthand by their heads and the tagline started with something like “2019 and 2004 are the same” and i truly cannot tell who the target audience is
10 October 2019 : are we at the point where folks know not to buy frida kahlo merch because it represents everything she hated or
10 October 2019 : wow
10 October 2019 : nawwwwww but thank u
10 October 2019 : i only had two stops to go till mine but hopefully the overall experience made her feel seen and heard and whatnot
10 October 2019 : we got off at the same stop, going to the same train, and she just vented about how guys refuse to read body language or take the hint & how uncomfortable their sleazy behavior makes her feel. then we chatted about our jobs & how hard minimum wage work is.
10 October 2019 : UPDATE: she passed me this little note as she got off the train 😩😭😭 pic.twitter.com/6zEJxGrcz2
10 October 2019 : dude on the train incessantly chatting up this chick near him, she’s just waiting for it to stop. i was able to make eye contact with her & mouth “are you ok?” at which point she nodded. he finally took the hint to shut up & got a little attitude over it. good fuckin grief.
10 October 2019 : yes and it should be a food blog
10 October 2019 : rip splinter, defeated by the capitalist teenage mutant ninja turtles once and for all 😞
10 October 2019 : anyway queens is pretty
10 October 2019 : i fell asleep on the train and woke up 8 stops after mine. took a selfie because i thought i had a big red mark on my face from sleeping on my hand, instead discovered i’ve been sleeping with crumbs around my mouth. pic.twitter.com/Da75DdG038
10 October 2019 : no
10 October 2019 : ......wow samantha
10 October 2019 : hey get fucked with this cookie cutter take
10 October 2019 : goddamn
10 October 2019 : mostly i want the bad people to stop doing bad things because the things they are doing are bad, but also i want them to stop because i am tired of hearing about them.
10 October 2019 : i love her 😍😍😍😍
10 October 2019 : your ass is liberal
10 October 2019 : just kidding i’ve been up since 3am i am going home to nap
10 October 2019 : do i know anyone who works at world trade and who wants to get lunch with me i’m nearby and i’m hungwee
10 October 2019 : i have a theory https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1176402843017908229?s=21
10 October 2019 : come here sweet baby
10 October 2019 : i was thinking of the sweet bliss that comes from fanning myself
10 October 2019 : security took my pic as i was fanning myself with my wallet. pic.twitter.com/Mj0rDbp8Ki
10 October 2019 : ladies, if you’re gunna bring a giant tote with you on the train during rush hour, please take it off. keeping it over your shoulder is just as bad as someone keeping their overstuff backpack on their back. cmon.
10 October 2019 : today is a good day for the scully lipstick (nars walkyrie) pic.twitter.com/fc8gH8dT9e
10 October 2019 : a lil red onion fully changes a sandwich!
10 October 2019 : i did but it’s just a list of what’s in the sandwich plus a little affirmation
10 October 2019 : sandwich: toasted sourdough vegan mayo (idk) brown mustard gyro meat (leftovers) turkey smoked gouda avocado arugula no salt cuz gyro meat is salty but black pepper always a must wish we had tomatoes but c’est la vie
10 October 2019 : no, she is. she took me to trader joe’s and let me buy whatever i wanted and she paid! because she knows 1. i like to cook for us and 2. i’ve been REALLY struggling financially
10 October 2019 : god can you imagine dating me? what a nightmare. you’d never out-love me.
10 October 2019 : i’m also giving her a little sriracha in a takeout sauce container because she’s a hot sauce person: no matter how good something is, it could always use sriracha pic.twitter.com/YY1iyBbqsM
10 October 2019 : i couldn’t sleep so i made my roommate a sandwich for her to have for lunch and i got a lil too into it lmfao pic.twitter.com/n4wnwzplwu
10 October 2019 : so you’re friends with a war criminal that don’t impress me much
10 October 2019 : when @DALIA finally raps, the earth will crack open and the four horsemen of the apocalypse will be unleashed. we must prevent dalia from rapping at all costs.
10 October 2019 : pretty nice joke here, tals. too bad you thought of it at 3:35am and just went ahead and posted it.
10 October 2019 : yes but the author does not have friends
10 October 2019 : a blowout alone costs like $80. the author got a haircut with layers, color with high and lowlights, and blowout, and wants to pretend to be shocked that aoc went to a salon and spent an average amount for the services rendered. pic.twitter.com/c4Gk28Sa5E
10 October 2019 : the beauty of that aoc haircut piece is the author is clearly not a natural blonde and got a blowout for her headshot.
10 October 2019 : how far in advance should you spray cologne so it doesn’t smell like you just sprayed cologne? i think two days.
10 October 2019 : the only notable downside is it’s impossible to clean. once fat cooks into the crumb tray or baking tray, it’s in there for life.
10 October 2019 : it’s the breville. i got it for my roommate a few years ago when my store put it on sale. my coworkers let me apply my 40% discount on top of the sale price lol. we don’t have a microwave or toaster cuz all we need is this baby.
10 October 2019 : i ate leftovers and am still awake just sorta shuffling around the apartment and pouting pic.twitter.com/hS2TRRqaIY
10 October 2019 : link pls
10 October 2019 : took a benadryl to fall asleep at 10 and still woke up at 3 because my body knew it needed to shitpost.
10 October 2019 : watch the righteous gemstones and be cursed with constantly singing this righteous jam https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R-znj7Uf9Oo
10 October 2019 : always
10 October 2019 : runnin’ through the streets with a pickle on my pleats join a union pic.twitter.com/K0PwaCuVIF
10 October 2019 : where’s the apology/explainer video from george w bush about being friends with ellen
10 October 2019 : these are so cherry pic.twitter.com/qUFJ2AVjCu
10 October 2019 : ya just know pic.twitter.com/lHXNNihRHf
10 October 2019 : “most-used features” lurking what folks fav is 100% of ig
10 October 2019 : what insane monster decided this was the move pic.twitter.com/OYU7i6hyuT
9 October 2019 : he now eats butt cookies
9 October 2019 : the buttcrack stain nooooooooooo pic.twitter.com/sXzBLWgYSD
9 October 2019 : absolutely NOT https://twitter.com/badbitchbeys/status/1181384096079065089
9 October 2019 : i am surrounded by kind, loving people who are not nor are they friends with war criminals 🥰🥰🥰
9 October 2019 : shoutout to my roommate for getting me this novelty fish cup. if friendship could cure being sick, i’d never get a cold!!!! pic.twitter.com/SRRJWQu6cQ
9 October 2019 : he “hates” ring finger “because it looks like human blood” and i told him that’s what i like about it!
9 October 2019 : shoutout to my neighbor for letting me try out different nail colors on him before committing to one for me pic.twitter.com/ryLxUnIbB8
9 October 2019 : YEET
9 October 2019 : IM GUNNA (once i have $) AND ITLL GO ON MY WALL
9 October 2019 : michael go to philz
9 October 2019 : perfect angel @AlannaBennett posted this on ig and it’s so perfect. would it be weird if i printed and framed it? pic.twitter.com/wdWPHEGdvM
9 October 2019 : be like “if you don’t shut up you will”
9 October 2019 : i did too. i bristled at the “no one helped me and i never asked for help” though, as that feeds into a bootstrappy narrative that erases the “i didn’t NEED to ask for help” foundation that resulted in this success
9 October 2019 : ahahahahahhaahhahahahaha
9 October 2019 : exactly. i’m applauding but also horrified.
9 October 2019 : demi i love you so much and i am so glad you exist
9 October 2019 : @PiggyCarnage lmao i just said that. i’m reeling
9 October 2019 : i imagine there’s a lot you can do just *having* four thousand dollars a month. man.
9 October 2019 : a FRESH pile of dicks
9 October 2019 : what is anti-antifa if not fa
9 October 2019 : you can really do anything when you have an extra four thousand dollars a month to burn
9 October 2019 : this is amazing https://twitter.com/mandy_velez/status/1181943586549616640
9 October 2019 : put these lil gel clings all over the building hope the neighbors who typically express zero emotions about anything like it!!!!!!
9 October 2019 : BOO! L pic.twitter.com/qpxRDsqxtu
9 October 2019 : havin ginger lemon tea. tried blending chamomile w ginger & hated the flavor. felt...musty?
9 October 2019 : capitalism is bonkers
9 October 2019 : family dollar. cmon man. pic.twitter.com/fHKyLxIgHo
9 October 2019 : 1. my roommate’s, i believe it is called ‘dirty unicorn’ 2. yes tjs
9 October 2019 : my tummy is bad :(
9 October 2019 : 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
9 October 2019 : @HanaMichels let the subtweet live!!!
9 October 2019 : love to be a dad online
9 October 2019 : other peoples struggle does not negate your own!
9 October 2019 : incredible
9 October 2019 : post that paypal sis let’s get you fed
9 October 2019 : ceramics can be sharpened but they require different tools than a whetstone/electric sharpener so if it’s your favorite knife def look into pros (take a knife you don’t care about to assess their work first) but if it’s one you don’t care about, you can toss it
9 October 2019 : [to the tune of “summertime”] 🎶 stomach bug 🎶 🎶 and my tummy is queasy 🎶
9 October 2019 : reupping this tweet to inform folks that if your knife is chipped like this, do NOT put it in an electric sharpener unless you want shards of metal flying at your face. take it to a pro (who uses stones!) to cut a new edge. it will cost less than ten dollars. https://twitter.com/anactualfairy/status/1181663633966809093
9 October 2019 : my neighbor’s dog is perfectly vibing with my sick at home energy pic.twitter.com/tfqWu0zbRv
9 October 2019 : capitalism is a hell of a drug https://twitter.com/reesew/status/1181653355510124545
9 October 2019 : i think he thinks my sweater is a blanket pic.twitter.com/I9GEpvWPEm
9 October 2019 : pg&e is short for pg&ellen degeneres is totally cool with being pals with a war criminal
9 October 2019 : holy hell link that shit!!
9 October 2019 : cut my hair for the first time because it needed a trim. for the record i have cut my hair many times, but this is the first time it hasn’t been part of a larger crisis. i am pirouetting beautifully toward my 30s.
9 October 2019 : y’all scolds ragging on good white lady ellen are gunna be DEAD SILENT when greta thunberg gets caught yucking it up with an exploding oil refinery
9 October 2019 : idk what this is but i LOVE IT
9 October 2019 : im baby https://twitter.com/the_mckern/status/1181828250655264768
9 October 2019 : um IMMEDIATELY???????
9 October 2019 : wine markers on glass tupperware or sharpie & masking tape on plastic. i put the date it was made and the last date i know it can be eaten. the doh has a chart on how long stuff can last in the fridge and freezer. write the date you buy a carton of eggs on the carton!!!!
9 October 2019 : unlocked my acct for this
9 October 2019 : if you don't date label your leftovers i feel bad for you, son. i got 99 problems but not knowing how old food in my fridge is and throwing it out "just to be safe" ain't one.
9 October 2019 : i brought another shitty kitchen knife back from the dead today but i didn't take pictures of it so you'll just have to trust me. also there's another awful kitchen knife left to beautify so rest assured, there will be a new thread about fixing a knife very soon.
7 October 2019 : join the @iww
7 October 2019 : i dunno lol i’m awful with names
7 October 2019 : company policy can’t be overbroad, i.e. “and for any other reason we want.” you can fight back. make them prove you habitually showed up after the grace period, that you failed to do your job-specific tasks, that you were verbally/physically abusive. if they can’t, you win.
7 October 2019 : bosses love to talk about how the state is “at-will employment” and they HATE mentioning that you can be approved for unemployment if the company fired you in a mass layoff or as retaliation for knowing your rights. the only way you’d be denied is if you broke company policy.
7 October 2019 : i would love for my day job to fire me for being a labor agitator so i can apply for unemployment and they can’t reject it because they broke the fucking law and i know my fucking rights.
7 October 2019 : which is why you need to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.
7 October 2019 : ALSO THE NUMBER ON THE BOTTOM OF THE SAUCER IS ‘69’ NO WAY SHE DIDNT NOTICE THAT WHAT A GODDESS WHAT A GIFT WHAT A LEGEND
7 October 2019 : ✊
7 October 2019 : tl;dr: if you are a minimum wage worker, or 99% of workers in the world, your boss does not give a single shit about you. don’t let them scare you. know your rights. agitate day and night.
7 October 2019 : that’s a good point! i think once you’ve gone big it becomes easier to see why the smaller stuff is so important and finding ways to practice it in everyday life.
7 October 2019 : talking about my wages, how stressful & irritating it is trying to survive on next to nothing serves both to reinforce the knowledge that this shit ain’t on me — and to make those around me confront their similar circumstances as the face value bullshit bootstraps scam they are.
7 October 2019 : once you disabuse yourself from the notion that your value exists solely as a worker happy for whatever scraps you are given, you shed yourself from the expectation to internalize the belief that bosses underpaying their workers is somehow your individual fault.
7 October 2019 : i bust my ass every shift to put out well-made orders, maintain cleanliness, and finish my tasks to the best of my ability. but i refuse to pretend that i love being underpaid or that i would give my life for a job that scolds me if i have to call out sick.
7 October 2019 : i am crystal clear with my coworkers that my minimum wage job is not who i am. i do the work, i do it well, and i strive to improve - but the idea that you should pretend loyalty for a boss who can’t bother to pay you a living wage is just a fear-driven myth.
7 October 2019 : we typically view “activism” as folks marching on the streets, but microactivism is just as valuable. tiny, easy choices like talking about your wages, saying hi to neighbors, or filming police encounters - they’re building blocks to larger movements.
7 October 2019 : if your response to a coworker who says “the minimum wage should be a living wage” is anything but a full-throated “HELL YEAH IT SHOULD,” consider: you are breaking your back for a company that doesn’t have your back. subservience is not security. you are just a cog in a machine.
7 October 2019 : there’s no law against criticizing the minimum wage at work. there’s no law against sharing your salary with your coworkers, or expressing stress created by your lackluster income, or being honest about the toll your work is taking on you. speak up. share your struggle.
7 October 2019 : in terms of labor agitating, the only people who dislike me are: 1. bosses who don’t want their employees to wise up to the scam and 2. employees who are terrified of realizing how much they’re getting fucked over because they fear that knowledge might jeopardize their jobs
7 October 2019 : it’s like how banks stack charges to superficially inflate your balance while things are “processing” so you suddenly overdraft and have to pay fees on every charge they decide you made after your account hit $0
7 October 2019 : it’s like the corporations know if you just had some consistency you’d be able to break out of the cycle so instead they choose times where they have the best chance of you skipping so they can collect late fees. predatory scheduling, i’d say.
7 October 2019 : additionally what kinda fuckin conspiracy is going on that every bill is due either the 1st or 3rd week, knowing full well you’ll have either just paid or are about to pay rent, which is your largest bill and the hardest goal to get to.
7 October 2019 : the incense matches and teacup are very special because she HATES incense but knows i like it and she LOATHES our excessive dish collection but knows i’ve longed for a delicate teacup/saucer to complement the teapot she got me from my favorite restaurant for my birthday.
7 October 2019 : gas & phone due beginning of month. electric & internet due 3rd week. zero time to rebound from rent stress!
7 October 2019 : my roommate is the best. a few days ago i confided in her the full rundown of my financial distress since my hours got cut and tonight i discover this bag of gifts she got for me. a beautiful teacup/saucer, incense matches, cbd gummies, baklava, and two local newspapers. i cried. pic.twitter.com/bgss7sVGlk
7 October 2019 : ronald fucking reagan was a piece of shit and i wish he was alive so i could shart in his eye and a piece of shart gets lodged in his eye forever and then everyone calls him “Old Shiteye”
7 October 2019 : i find it inspiring. it is inspiring me to find reagan’s grave so i can shit on it.
7 October 2019 : how can i change the deadline for bills so i’m not getting smacked over the head a week before rent is due? would prefer that happen 2 weeks before, as it provides more time to stress cry.
7 October 2019 : if this gif doesn’t freak you the fuck out, you’re headed for the guillotine https://twitter.com/gabriel_zucman/status/1181061932842770432
7 October 2019 : nah
7 October 2019 : still love you papa
7 October 2019 : nah he came up!
7 October 2019 : i love when my parents fight
7 October 2019 : worth noting i zoomed in and cropped this photo but i am physically not this close. we are fine and all info indicates the fire is severe but under control/will not spread
7 October 2019 : yeah it’s not close enough & is under control
7 October 2019 : yes! they have one that’s in a pump bottle (excellent to have in the shower to apply as you towel off) and a slightly thicker version in a jar
7 October 2019 : i almost texted him “holy shit building on fire. am on roof come up” but then added estimated cross streets so he wouldn’t think i meant our building was on fire and that he should come experience it from the roof.
7 October 2019 : i went back inside. there were tons of sirens coming from every direction for awhile, but it’s now silent. texts with neighbor suggest it took approx 15-20 minutes to get control. pic.twitter.com/XUf1jj2WJV
7 October 2019 : there’s a huge fire a few blocks away & the wind is blowing the smoke down my block. i’m on my roof and can see the flames holy shit pic.twitter.com/xta9RyAzjh
7 October 2019 : i don’t know who needs to know this but using cerave exfoliation moisturizer for rough & bumpy skin after a shower is the cure for ingrown hairs & chicken skin. use it on your balls & butt after a shave, find your inner porn goddess.
7 October 2019 : thank y’all for the love 💗 i am convinced i will get both jobs and force my new bosses to fight each other to the death for me, as they should.
7 October 2019 : pic.twitter.com/n2ro3g6Wnf
7 October 2019 : @thetomzone any HC news on your end?
7 October 2019 : hahahahahaahhahahaah
7 October 2019 : harry finally unblocked me after he got mad that i told him pushing bigotry is bad after he abruptly flipped from liberal back to conservative to send me one of his tweets where he came out? pic.twitter.com/M7G1H4cagZ
7 October 2019 : RT @pharmasean: Holy shit republicans have been RAISING taxes on the rest of us while the 400 richest Americans rate went down 50 % points!…
7 October 2019 : i am waiting to hear back on two jobs i’d be incredibly perfect for and that would have me doing work i love surrounded by people who also love the work. positive thoughts and crossed fingers appreciated 🙏
6 October 2019 : millennials are old now find a new thing to be mad at
6 October 2019 : bonus 2 in the pink 1 in the stink 😎
6 October 2019 : *cracks knuckles* *taps mic* *ahem* WRONG. https://twitter.com/notdetails/status/1180983222026588162
6 October 2019 : big leo energy
6 October 2019 : pic.twitter.com/vXEKA0qlUG
6 October 2019 : abolish police
6 October 2019 : do you mean...every chef-owner/gm ever
6 October 2019 : i put it on once and was so hopeful and then i was like ‘damn it.’ it’s yours!
6 October 2019 : thank you. i love you.
6 October 2019 : i imagine if i ever worked in an office i’d be the one who deep cleans the fridge just because “it needed it”
6 October 2019 : i am literally and emotionally scarred for life
6 October 2019 : he stumbled out in a hangover haze like “what the fuck? i didn’t save anyone’s life” and i just shrugged while unconsciously trifolding the rag i’d used
6 October 2019 : i have a very dark lip that i think you’d like if you want it! it’s a v deep purple from sephora & it was on! sale!
6 October 2019 : you know you been in food service too long when you just wash a friend’s dishes and also wipe down their counters and cabinets and fridge because you got stuck in the loop while waiting for their stupid coffee to brew
6 October 2019 : RETWEET if you need to format your takes in a way that would make people feel lacking if they don’t retweet it instead of just casually tossing your opinions out into the void like the rest of us
6 October 2019 : someone at xoxo gave me this extremely cute little sticker that i just rediscovered in my phone case. i went to the website on it ( http://ohmydollar.com ) and i might be in love??? pic.twitter.com/6JhlqxKZSU
6 October 2019 : hhhhhhhhhhhhhh https://twitter.com/kaichoyce/status/1180703480270344192
6 October 2019 : GODDAMN IT https://twitter.com/_jdburroughs_/status/1180883441103052800
6 October 2019 : SOMEone didn’t read my article! or they read it and were freshly encouraged to spite me 😤 https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kz47jy/buyables-three-pots-food pic.twitter.com/VkWeqft2PQ
6 October 2019 : “give me your tired, your poor huddled masses, yearning to breathe free. so i can tell them they just have to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.”
6 October 2019 : repetitive stress injury doesn’t result in workers comp claim until long after the ‘take advil & stretch’ remedy stops working
6 October 2019 : no point until it gets to i can’t use my arm at all.
6 October 2019 : pulled the gate down at work & felt multiple pops in my shoulder & elbow, then some of my fingers went numb. minimum wage labor is designed to squeeze your body of every drop of strength for profit and then toss your ruined carcass to the curb and blame you for being tired. lol.
6 October 2019 : 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
6 October 2019 : y’all are so extra 😂😂😂
5 October 2019 : lmaooooo they’re in black bloc oh my god
5 October 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
5 October 2019 : cc @DavidTamarkin
5 October 2019 : off the top of my head: can you grind it up for massa? soak it and make some sort of paste? there must be a culinary purpose they can be used for.
5 October 2019 : wanna do a long read about the different ways you can eat the decorative dried corn folks hang on their doors and put on their tables in autumn
5 October 2019 : wow ok y’all just gunna ignore comedic genius ok see if i cars no no don’t fav or rt now it’s too late you’ve made it clear you don’t care
5 October 2019 : a comedy behemoth
5 October 2019 : it actually is.
5 October 2019 : just for you https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1180575754637266944?s=21
5 October 2019 : pumpkin spice ebola
5 October 2019 : i should tweet it again
5 October 2019 : i told you
5 October 2019 : the world’s not ready pic.twitter.com/yX5BqRPOd5
5 October 2019 : no i don’t give dumb assholes begging for attention to compensate for their deep unhappiness the attention they need to justify their shitstain existence
5 October 2019 : do you have to like, write your initials on the palm fronds so you remember whose is whose
5 October 2019 : object permanence? fuck off
5 October 2019 : i imagine many a park slope fight has occurred as a white couple in their mid-30s decides to move in together and there’s not enough space for all their succulents and big leafy boys
5 October 2019 : im baby https://twitter.com/anildash/status/1180568678036840455
5 October 2019 : whom among us
5 October 2019 : exactly. i only downloaded ig cuz you cant post stories in the web version, and i had the fb app for my job but i don’t do their social so i don’t need it.
5 October 2019 : drag her ass
5 October 2019 : the facebook app undoubtedly formats their push notifications (for nothing!) to send 1 at times you’ve typically had your phone unlocked 2 alters the message based on whether or not their last set of notifications resulted in opening the app.
5 October 2019 : real chicken & the egg sitch
5 October 2019 : i always give out a 4-5 day “i’m looking to file by TK” so the folks i’m reaching out to don’t feel obligated to respond during the weekend. did they say they needed immediate response??
5 October 2019 : i love having a black cat cuz it makes every day ~~~spooky~~~
5 October 2019 : the only time i have to email comment requests is at like 2am on a saturday cuz that’s when i’m off my line cook job and i know i gotta send em out then so i can hopefully hear back by the following wednesday to file for a friday deadline hahaha it’s great it’s fine love it
5 October 2019 : wow
5 October 2019 : bernie’s frailty just makes me love him more. glad you’re feeling better, pop-pop💕
5 October 2019 : would just spray you down with chicken soup
5 October 2019 : genuinely glad he’s on the mend and getting some time to recoup and also using the health scare to advocate for m4a but cannot resist the pun.
5 October 2019 : i love bernie getting hospitalized with a really scary situation and being like “every american should be able to access this” and then posting this. you could call it a perfect stint stunt. pic.twitter.com/hyBjbHDAZf
5 October 2019 : bowling ball baby pic.twitter.com/skIQSOtQFn
5 October 2019 : No Kevin!
5 October 2019 : i love you
5 October 2019 : one week
5 October 2019 : no it’s for 30 hours
5 October 2019 : it’s 90s romcoms set in new york city starring meg ryan weather
5 October 2019 : sounds fake but ok lmao (good note!)
5 October 2019 : i will never know
5 October 2019 : rude! but true :(
5 October 2019 : healthcare is a human right. if this move makes its way to scotus, we’ll be seeing a lot more stories about kids without blankets & toothbrushes in concentration camps - and likely the dismantling of or foundation to dismantle medicaid, medicare, and the affordable care act. pic.twitter.com/nPAq90RCxe
5 October 2019 : the only correct response to someone asking “Do you want to go see Joker?” pic.twitter.com/PPP6rqyPkJ
5 October 2019 : i’m thinking if things don’t shape up by the end of the month i’ll empty my savings account, which is just 30% i’ve been putting aside to pay taxes on my freelancing work. i really, really don’t want to have to do that.
5 October 2019 : touché
5 October 2019 : andy i think you drank cum
5 October 2019 : fuuuuuuck
5 October 2019 : hahahaha i just did the math on how much i’m expected to earn this week since my hours got cut and hahahaha i should not have done that
5 October 2019 : thank you 🙏
5 October 2019 : i honestly don’t remember but if you know of anyone in nyc looking for an assistant or dog walker or babysitter i can and will do all of those things!!!!
5 October 2019 : that’s bad news for me my hours got cut and i’m freaking out
5 October 2019 : i put it in a small bowl so it could sit upright without coming into contact with food & then put on gloves, removed my gloves after i hit stop. i have my food handlers and know food safety :)
5 October 2019 : if you buy these you have to pay my rent this month as karmatic balance ($927)
4 October 2019 : hell yeah!
4 October 2019 : yikes
4 October 2019 : omgggg
4 October 2019 : funny enough, i’m on medicaid. but
4 October 2019 : @ folks who think i’m faking my financial circumstances lmao i wish
4 October 2019 : busy day at the dong choppin factory pic.twitter.com/qxFSIbtGDS
4 October 2019 : just got my paycheck and involuntarily let out a “WOOF” pic.twitter.com/nNXQUSjLo8
4 October 2019 : me either! i don’t remember how i learned about it
4 October 2019 : haha i cut off the label on the cuff and the stitch of a coat a security guard at my job had to wear because he didn’t know and it was driving me nuts
4 October 2019 : i am sharing this info because every winter without fail i find myself constantly walking behind people with intact tailors stitches and the willpower to not run up to strangers and cut it open for them is physically painful
4 October 2019 : oh boy
4 October 2019 : highlighting my perfect dumpster to show where the X stitch is - it keeps the flap closed so the coat lays evenly during shipping/distribution. same reason pockets get sewn shut. pic.twitter.com/kkre19WPuU
4 October 2019 : it’s that time of year to remind everyone that there is usually a tailor’s stitch keeping the back flaps of your gorgeous coat in place (a big X). you’re supposed to cut it! if your pockets are sewn shut odds are the back is too! don’t embarrass yourself!
4 October 2019 : so gooooood
4 October 2019 : starting with Seaside Rendezvous and ending with Barcelona, which is solo freddie but still a masterpiece worth hearing, and perhaps some Prophet’s Song just for the experimental musicality on display.
4 October 2019 : if you tell me you don’t like queen what i hear is you don’t like karaoke and that is fine but i will change your mind by exposing you to queen’s multi-decade catalog that you’ve likely never heard.
4 October 2019 : if you catch me wearing a queen shirt or i tell you my cat is named after freddie mercury (the greatest compliment one could give to such a legend) please do not tell me you don’t like queen because i will make it my mission to bully you into submission
4 October 2019 : my new neighbor friend *hates* queen so naturally i am forcing him to listen to some queen semi-deep cuts by placing my phone on his air conditioner because that window is next to his desk, where he is trapped working. chaotic good.
4 October 2019 : i love videos of angry pups devolving into puddles of snuggles and affection. like lol look at you thinking you’re such a badass. you are just a wimp, ready to be snuggled into oblivion. your rage does not fool me. https://twitter.com/dodo/status/1180120388308570112
4 October 2019 : yes it helps me focus and relaxes my anxiety
4 October 2019 : enya every day
4 October 2019 : AHHHHHHHHHHH
4 October 2019 : lmao how is this news to anyone. they are painting by numbers flicks designed to be exactly entertaining enough without any sort of risk taking that could elevate the form or alienate audiences. they are designed to make money. that’s it. https://twitter.com/screenrant/status/1179879708114264065
4 October 2019 : love the bag grabbing!!!!!
4 October 2019 : she wants it* *belly rubs
4 October 2019 : hanging out with this huge slut before work pic.twitter.com/Lq1vjDK7io
4 October 2019 : the only voicemails i listen to in full are from my grandparents and it’s usually after i’ve already called them back
4 October 2019 : hey @Nicole_Cliffe @DrLawyercop @onlxn @EvanJKessler do y’all have any resources in the area or could boost to help this gal stuck in one hell of a financial pickle?
4 October 2019 : my income is in shambles right now cuz my work cut my hours but as soon as i get paid for some freelancing stuff i’ll happily kick her a few hundred
4 October 2019 : yeah that’s a hefty chunk and i fully understand the situation she’s in. hopefully folks send her some cash and help knit the divide. i’ll ask around to see if anyone i know in LA can assist in the meantime.
4 October 2019 : a worker needs $600-$1k to repair her car’s radiator — she can’t afford to take uber and relies on her car to get to work. if you can, please send some cash to $ZaraMoon on cashapp or RT to boost. if you know of affordable fixes in LA, contact @THerwees !!!!! https://twitter.com/therwees/status/1180174510248456193
4 October 2019 : gotcha
4 October 2019 : capitalism’s fuckin wild like that.
4 October 2019 : how much she need tho
4 October 2019 : ahh how much is it? i’d be happy to boost her paypal/venmo
4 October 2019 : weird that worker solidarity is partially composed of ‘please shop in real stores’ to help save jobs while also agitating for execs to take pay cuts before laying off workers.
4 October 2019 : any idea on what’s happening? specific sounds or behavior? she should be able to go to a repair shop for a free/cheap estimate.
4 October 2019 : i anticipate it will be very bad when the economy moves out of peri-recession and into a full recession as folks typically go out to eat less as their first money-saving tactic. it will be very bad for all of us at the bottom.
4 October 2019 : would be interested in data examining how the online marketplace’s dominance in retail, which has led to tons of companies folding brick & mortar locations to stave off financial ruin, is impacting the food service industry as retail workers pursue greener pastures.
4 October 2019 : i know the la dsa had a thing where they repaired tail/headlights since cops predominantly ticket those to target poor neighborhoods
4 October 2019 : feeling a little like a proud mom
4 October 2019 : oh my godddddddd
4 October 2019 : excuse me @Justsydnyc ??? !!!!!! pic.twitter.com/v83iKzXnkk
4 October 2019 : my sister was 1 when aaron samuels first asked cady heron what day it was and here we are
4 October 2019 : mean girls came out 15 years ago? that can’t be right.
4 October 2019 : i’m pretty sure she doesn’t know what it’s from & just knows to share it cuz it was oct 3rd but passing memes through the generations is sort of like a game of telephone and so long as the meme stays alive it’s okay if the meaning gets distorted along the way
4 October 2019 : my 16yo sister posted the mean girls oct 3rd meme to her instagram. congrats, millennials. we have successfully passed along our cultural oral histories to the next generation. pic.twitter.com/yrEjRrnw9e
4 October 2019 : w h a t
4 October 2019 : yeah better to use it during rest
4 October 2019 : forever mood https://twitter.com/emojimashupbot/status/1179863849752842240
4 October 2019 : valuable reading pic.twitter.com/hUbriWiq2T
4 October 2019 : they’re super useful for severe period cramps so makes sense it’d help with this!!!
4 October 2019 : ugh i hate back to back colds! i had that last year. awful. if you can, blend up raw ginger with lemon juice and turmeric. strain, add 50/50 water & honey (for taste but also cuz it helps). drink hot as tea or dilute with more water as your daily hydration.
4 October 2019 : :)
4 October 2019 : this thread sure is a laugh!
4 October 2019 : THEIR WIVES, UPON SEEING THEIR HUSBANDS BODIES WITH THICK HALOS OF BLOOD POOLING AROUND THEM: [they passionately kiss, at last free from their doldrum husbands to explore and grasp and succumb to each other’s bodies the way they’ve longed for all these years]
4 October 2019 : hahahahaha oh my god he TAUGHT LITERATURE
4 October 2019 : URBAN GUY: i have had that nickelback song stuck in my head for two goddamn days FLYOVER MAN: same URBAN GUY: wanna murder/suicide ourselves? FLYOVER MAN: yes please
4 October 2019 : i would be an enthusiastic new york times subscriber if they paid david brooks, bret stephens, etc. to *never* write
4 October 2019 : i will hold it in my heart just for you 💗
4 October 2019 : its here rn tbh
4 October 2019 : so many smarter, better freelance writers deserve david brooks’ salary
4 October 2019 : @jasondashbailey hahaha
4 October 2019 : my kink is emotional unavailability in the face of my overwhelming, multifaceted beauty and excellence
3 October 2019 : what’s going on, my neighbor won’t fuck me????
3 October 2019 : here be the tunes https://open.spotify.com/artist/6R8pDDPqOxLK3w5NUvkIWQ?si=BegnQdbRQiOne4ebEER5xw
3 October 2019 : trolls be staying trolls man
3 October 2019 : mama got a cassette tape of some cool tunes but mama don’t got a cassette player pic.twitter.com/gqFNLKgLJk
3 October 2019 : lol i’m glad my settings are such that so i don’t see replies if folks don’t follow me cuz it seems a *lot* of folks dislike very gently being told that a celebrity who doesn’t give a shit about them has a known history of being gross
3 October 2019 : it’s what ended my interest in him whatsoever
3 October 2019 : NEED! BIGGER! TEXT!!! pic.twitter.com/crVAEuAElI
3 October 2019 : i finally showed my new neighbor friend my clips page and it made him fear/respect me. give yourself a gander and sit in awe of my beauty. http://www.taliajane.com/articles
3 October 2019 : when it comes to successful men, rarely does the first story or second story do the trick
3 October 2019 : 2014 https://gawker.com/james-franco-tried-to-hook-up-with-a-17-year-old-on-ins-1557491436
3 October 2019 : (millions of women quietly holding their breath that the movement finally comes for james franco, whose behavior is well-known yet who stays in arenas where he can prey on young women regardless)
3 October 2019 : because applebee’s can’t afford your genius brain to run their copy
3 October 2019 : cool people you’re attracting with this story, lamag! good job!!! pic.twitter.com/OxQzApXBcg
3 October 2019 : the text size is insane. https://twitter.com/rudygiuliani/status/1179752191558656000
3 October 2019 : 100% will wear this to work if i get a job in an office
3 October 2019 : hahaha it’s fine
3 October 2019 : thanks for letting me know you zoomed in on my chest
3 October 2019 : i pulled my pj pants up over my shirt after going pee and as soon as i walked out of the bathroom i was like “woah”
3 October 2019 : i accidentally did a brooklyn media fashion by putting on a soft cardigan and tucking my pajama shirt into my pajama pants because the pajama pants are too long. wow. pic.twitter.com/MRz7EWVqic
3 October 2019 : stop giving platform to white supremacists for clicks ya fuckin cascade of dunces
3 October 2019 : he hasn’t though
3 October 2019 : [silently stares in judaism]
3 October 2019 : hate when i accidentally tweet my google how-to searches https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1179840448225054720
3 October 2019 : that’s what MAKES IT
3 October 2019 : i can’t fucking believe how good this is (tw drug use/needles) pic.twitter.com/WvIGpAoVGW
3 October 2019 : i’m 20 minutes in on LIQUID SKY and already wanna scream about how crucially important it is?? queer manna.
3 October 2019 : nice https://twitter.com/robertcaruso/status/1179830364170272770
3 October 2019 : what a phenomenal logline. pic.twitter.com/H1NTc1iSu2
3 October 2019 : ah i forgot my roommate got Shudder and that’s what was on! now i am watching LIQUID SKY, which cannot possibly be as good as its tagline but i am extremely hopeful
3 October 2019 : i’m in love https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_Feast
3 October 2019 : he really whipped her. the coloring and staging is so good. and the music is that classic organ stuff. goodness what a gem. pic.twitter.com/A4yTgayCWv
3 October 2019 : i think so!
3 October 2019 : the acting is a mastery of badness. i feel empowered watching them hack through their lines.
3 October 2019 : i have no idea what i’m watching but it’s so stilted and low budget, i love it. look at this guy’s blue “old guy” hair & eyebrows. pic.twitter.com/Is5oKbc3LE
3 October 2019 : elizabeth warren is obviously a cougar have you seen her lil wide leg yoga pants & cardi combos i mean come on that’s a gal who busts it tf down
3 October 2019 : lmao they couldn’t afford it
3 October 2019 : video unavailable D:
3 October 2019 : right???? at first i thought maybe my brain worms just made it up but i am convinced it came from This Website
3 October 2019 : who did that video of the nickelback song that recuts it so it just constantly says “look at this photograph” i need to hear it to purge it from my system
3 October 2019 : lol there’s ceiling lights aplenty but they’re *very* bright. come over sometime i’ll show you
3 October 2019 : lmao correct. the only windows are in the bedrooms, which are on opposite sides of the apartment, which is just a very wide hallway
3 October 2019 : girl my living room doesn’t have any windows
3 October 2019 : :’)
3 October 2019 : LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH! https://twitter.com/41strange/status/1179623397216509952
3 October 2019 : i do both in tweets but for formal writing i only use ampersand if it’s in a title/pronoun. but if i’m listing the fact that i did laundry and went to the store and saw a cat & pet the cat, i’ll use ampersand to draw a relationship distinguishable from the rest of the list
3 October 2019 : i got a big envelope in 08 when i got into the university of alaska but that was mostly just me applying for the sake of it
3 October 2019 : it’s my last day off before i go back to work and it’s like freddie knows pic.twitter.com/KCnnS9imXe
3 October 2019 : also my acceptance letter came as an email first and then a few weeks later i got a physical (small) letter but i also went to a state school so
3 October 2019 : imagine packing all your stuff into your car and driving across the country and showing up to orientation stoked af only to discover the big envelope wasn’t an admissions letter
3 October 2019 : white dudes drunkenly ranting about politics sums up the republican party’s whole angle since the southern strategy https://twitter.com/revrrlewis/status/1179768986474549253
3 October 2019 : TELL EM LIKE IT IS KATIE!!!!!!!
3 October 2019 : 💁🏻‍♀️
3 October 2019 : how are your legs so buttery smooth give us the self care deets daddy 😩😩😩
3 October 2019 : i will unpin my resume when i obtain a job
3 October 2019 : i just got so fuckin stoked
3 October 2019 : oh fuck
3 October 2019 : all pig, all the time
3 October 2019 : literally only learned about people using them as storage as an adult. we only used them for butter, and they were the only butter i ever knew.
3 October 2019 : @CountryCrock why are you doing this. you were perfect as a bucket that sat in the fridge for three years.
3 October 2019 : oh honey
3 October 2019 : i’m still mad about this. Buttery Sticks. baking “on the fly.” antoni!!!!! country crock has an instagram and is trying to break in to the vegan market!!!!
3 October 2019 : stunning
3 October 2019 : this news is insane and incomprehensible huge but i just cannot get over the fact that there is a website called “ http://pig-world.co.uk ” or that the US has a “National Pork Producers Council” https://twitter.com/l__macfarlane/status/1179674614680768518
3 October 2019 : i’m pretty sure i’ll only have to spend 20% towards taxes because my income is so low but i put 30% away just to be safe
3 October 2019 : oh man!
3 October 2019 : if you’re assigning pieces your rate needs to have an extra 30% built in that you know the freelancer will have to take out to save for taxes
3 October 2019 : if i spend a week on a piece it better equal at least a week’s worth of rent — after taxes. https://twitter.com/grimkim/status/1179800809057456129
3 October 2019 : “conscious of the nation”
3 October 2019 : nickelback’s silence is appreciated, as always, but damning.
3 October 2019 : solidarity with @ksr_united in their efforts to get @kickstarter to realize UNIONS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER. ✊🖤 https://twitter.com/ksr_united/status/1179445723429003264
3 October 2019 : 💗💗💗
3 October 2019 : the! perfect! ingredient! for! baking!! on!! the!! fly!!!!!
3 October 2019 : i am shaking with rage pic.twitter.com/L99B2fGnVW
3 October 2019 : why does countrycrock have an instagram account oh my god antoni NO pic.twitter.com/cVrd0t2JaZ
3 October 2019 : can instagram ads please not come for my white childhood so hard pic.twitter.com/jGcsbG4mW6
3 October 2019 : i fantasize about living in 1968 when the minimum wage was at its (proportionally) highest lmao
3 October 2019 : and definitely always shout from the rooftops your joy and enthusiasm when someone creates something you love, because the act of creating is a tremendous feat that ought to be celebrated.
3 October 2019 : (lmao)
3 October 2019 : does he have them on for me?
3 October 2019 : i guess this is all to say that if the most you can do is think kindly on an idea that you believe in, that’s okay. but don’t let the turkeys get you down. create however you possibly can, if only for your sanity.
3 October 2019 : it’s like ghosts, everywhere. the what could’ve been.
3 October 2019 : i walk through this thought process almost daily. it is depressing as hell but it’s also a huge motivator to do as much as i can, however i can, whenever i can. whether that’s just jotting down an idea, throwing out a few tweets, or spending days crafting & refining.
3 October 2019 : we’re incredibly lucky in that the ability to create is way more accessible - you can get a lot of the tools for free. but the enormous time and energy that has to be dedicated to work and survival is what keeps potential unrealized today.
3 October 2019 : what if virginia woolf had been too poor to buy paper? or van gogh couldn’t buy paint? imagine the countless great minds whose works we’ll never know because they couldn’t afford to cultivate their passions.
3 October 2019 : virginia woolf theorized about what if shakespeare had a sister - how the expectations of what women should be would’ve forced her to burn her sonnets, spend her life in her brother’s shadow. i’m no woolf, but i constantly find myself wondering: what if shakespeare had been poor?
3 October 2019 : 230am just imagining what i could do if i earned a living wage.
3 October 2019 : you already know. and i keep the bag in cuz i like it getting darker
3 October 2019 : do what i do and stay up until 6am so your 2am snack is just dinner
3 October 2019 : oh no honey you’re fineeeee at it. definitely nothing to worry about.
3 October 2019 : why don’t you marry it
3 October 2019 : yes but it is a french film that is very film-y so adjust your expectations and enjoy
3 October 2019 : it is MOTORS and not MOTOR but this post is mostly for the dark blurry selfie
3 October 2019 : i’m watching HOLY MOTOR pic.twitter.com/QqOU2zmjPN
3 October 2019 : there are few things in this world more beautiful than a well-made cup of tea. i am one of the few things, but look at this quality cuppa. mmm. pic.twitter.com/1YdAMEf0wv
3 October 2019 : i used to be verified and then i deverified by changing my handle to “luv2shit” because i got tired of being treated like a Platform and getting harassed for being a Prominent Hottie but rest assured ben ( @bendreyfuss ) i am verifiable but i am merely too cool to bother
3 October 2019 : it’s fine. i don’t even care, actually.
3 October 2019 : the camera fell and caught me just being casually gorgeous but that has nothing to do with my hope @bendreyfuss will date me, a person who is absolutely wild to bag a 50k-er pic.twitter.com/0vP8YwTp3R
3 October 2019 : i’m right here ben
3 October 2019 : look at her technique though! wow!
3 October 2019 : omggggg
3 October 2019 : in fact i just did this at my neighbor’s house as he worked on music stuff. something soothing about it.
3 October 2019 : this is a hate crime https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1179502966606352386
3 October 2019 : i could stare at someone fully immersed in their work all day.
3 October 2019 : congrats!!!!!
2 October 2019 : can’t believe i’m witnessing such tremendously cruel cyberbullying. this is just a photo of eggplants. chris is behind the camera.
2 October 2019 : how is it so smooth
2 October 2019 : stop leading me on and let’s get registered at nordstrom already
2 October 2019 : the sheer sexual power oozing out of me at all times is quite frankly incredible
2 October 2019 : What We Talk About When We Talk About Talking About What We Talk About
2 October 2019 : it’s bad!!!!
2 October 2019 : i just took a DNA test turns out i’m still 100% trapped in an american concentration camp and things will only get worse https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/02/us/dna-testing-immigrants.html
2 October 2019 : i mean. he’s not wrong. except they’ve been wasting energy on bullshit long before this chucklefuck came along pic.twitter.com/tPparfPOvH
2 October 2019 : i’ve been single for ten years and literally had a dream last night where i shouted “HOW DOES EVERYONE HAVE A BOYFRIEND”
2 October 2019 : outta be j/o media am i right
2 October 2019 : so you just actuallyed me
2 October 2019 : yes let's drive around in a bus full of knives and covered in knives with a speaker through which we scream about knives, we will surely not be arrested
2 October 2019 : EVERYONE!!!! THEY DON'T KNOW!!!!!!
2 October 2019 : i hope you peed in his toaster
2 October 2019 : assuming you have a dishwasher, use your dishwasher to sanitize your stuff - not to get all the cheesy grimy mess off of it. scrub and rinse in sink, put in dishwasher to sanitize. good god.
2 October 2019 : don't leave your knives soaking in the sink or put them in the dishwasher you goddamn heathens
2 October 2019 : if i had some laxative tea i wouldn't need to!! 😫😩 that's what they call a crap-22.
2 October 2019 : they don’t sponsor me & 50% of my content is shitting >:[
2 October 2019 : i have it on my amazon wishlist so i can hopefully maybe remember to buy one when i can afford to spend money
2 October 2019 : thank you, jenny, for killing me to death💕
2 October 2019 : you are a perfect comedy forest nymph and i stand feeble, in awe of your greatness
2 October 2019 : reading that perfect parody of how they cover eastern cultures and then reflexively zooming in on the pic absolutely murdered me
2 October 2019 : FUCK
2 October 2019 : i need a knife bag so badddddd
2 October 2019 : sertraline. generic for zoloft. 50mgs to start, upped to 75mgs during a particularly taxing time & then back down again.
2 October 2019 : i love when someone tells me about a time i told them something extremely moving and profound and i have no memory of it and i ask “are you sure that was me?” but then when someone says “remember when we got stoned & stared at the moon” i shout “JOHN LENNON IS IN THE MOON”
2 October 2019 : i respect you but i curse you but i don’t curse you because you are a gift
2 October 2019 : lol we were down to one marker recently so i wrote “leave here!” on tape & wrapped around the marker. astonishingly, still there.
2 October 2019 : yeah that is def a major downside. i understand the benefits and how it alters food chemistry in cool ways but ultimately i am low maintenance just put the thing over heat and give it to me
2 October 2019 : he deserves judgment-free iced coffees not judgment for iced coffees lmao oy vey
2 October 2019 : this hatefully hot weather is specifically so comedy good boy @joshgondelman can keep getting iced coffees without judgment and honestly he deserves it
2 October 2019 : easier than grabbing the plastic wrap, wrapping it around the thing, and then getting a piece of tape and labeling it. unfortunately this way leads to trash.
2 October 2019 : we used one for a cooking class but they seem wasteful and gimmicky outside of a high-yield kitchen. makes sense for steakhouses or whatever, but not at home
2 October 2019 : i’ve never looked at a picture of an elephant and not immediately felt compelled to moisturize
2 October 2019 : ill wave goodbye w my two middle fingers. fuckin rudeass heat.
2 October 2019 : every news story about birds disappearing im saying out loud “wow that’s so sad & scary” but in my head i’m saying “muahahahaha, assholes”
2 October 2019 : north america has like 30% fewer birds since 1970 and like 40% of bees have died and i fully get that these are signs of extremely bad shit caused by humans but i also can’t help wondering if it’s how my good karma is manifesting itself: by destroying things that hurt me as a kid
2 October 2019 : exactly how me and my coworker laughed upon discovery!
2 October 2019 : i’m hearing that from everyone and it’s so funny because it’s not EOD it’s Before The Next Day and that’s a beautiful lil procrastination tool
2 October 2019 : yahoo some yabbos
2 October 2019 : oh now that’s a mood
2 October 2019 : i googled and EOD is typically when they leave work? which is not information i, a freelancer, would know. because i never leave work. i have been working since saturday at 2am. the only EOD in my life is the sweet release of death.
2 October 2019 : yelling into the void’s void pic.twitter.com/b8tz3zHmc0
2 October 2019 : hopefully taking hard shits
2 October 2019 : gonna be yellin “uncle owen!” at every discarded AC in the coming weeks
2 October 2019 : of course it is by @sarahlovescali because sarah is a beacon of excellence and beauty and my god are we lucky to get to read her words
2 October 2019 : “I had always thought of men as these sort of things that, if you were straight and wanted to have sex, you just sort of had to contend with. Tor was like an actual person.” i LOVE THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE https://www.thecut.com/amp/2019/10/what-no-one-tells-you-about-dating-a-younger-man.html
2 October 2019 : i was just trying to read about soda and something happened and now the url plus half the article is about how to treat anal itching?????? pic.twitter.com/LySxsAlmYH
2 October 2019 : when she said that i was like 'the sorry is in my labias, queen'
2 October 2019 : toucheeeee
2 October 2019 : thank you, chaz kangas from the black lagoon.
2 October 2019 : this is a perfect joke
2 October 2019 : twitter be like
2 October 2019 : ahhh hm sounds like psychological warfare to me!
2 October 2019 : hey @TwitterSupport the patch you’re rolling out right now made my tweets stop going constantly viral for the past 8-9 years please address thx
2 October 2019 : wouldn’t that be BOD?
2 October 2019 : lmao sucks 2 be you, blue badge babe
2 October 2019 : they love pushing bug fixes at 1am PST and hate kicking out the nazis at any time
2 October 2019 : nocial media!
2 October 2019 : cannot include image!
2 October 2019 : twitter broken!!! chaos reigns!!!!
2 October 2019 : hello if you tell a freelancer to submit something “by EOD” please also include when EOD is to you because to me it is 11:59pm and i will 100% submit by 11:56pm and pat myself on the back for “getting it in early”
2 October 2019 : the date is how we figured out who did it! the handwriting is the tell!!! they dated the glove cabbage!!!!
2 October 2019 : rest assured i threw it out but not before removing it from the fridge in shock, cradling it in my hands to present to my coworker as we laughed in awe of the badness, then took a photo of it
2 October 2019 : another coworker (who has their food handlers) and i are lowkey teaming up to gently sprinkle the new folks with food safety knowledge on the assumption that they just don’t *know* and not that they don’t *care* but cabbage glove stays bonkers af
2 October 2019 : lol. i let another vet coworker know what’s happening so we can work together to sprinkle the new folks with this knowledge and hopefully the weird bad stuff clears up as a result. assuming it’s just not knowing!
2 October 2019 : no gloves of any kind
2 October 2019 : i had to leave a note for a new coworker about checking dates because every time i took over the station they were on, they’d been grabbing newer stuff and leaving older stuff untouched and i genuinely don’t think they realized?
2 October 2019 : we have some new folks who do not have their food handlers and seem to also be unfamiliar with working in a professional kitchen so every now and then i stumble across things prepped incorrectly or not fifoed but putting leftover cabbage in a glove is next level.
2 October 2019 : i’m still not over this legit insane thing an unknown coworker did. the sheer laziness that would give us an automatic DOH violation. you put food in a glove, that food becomes trash. absolutely bonkers. pic.twitter.com/Dvf4dABaGR
2 October 2019 : comforting!
2 October 2019 : what are you waiting for
2 October 2019 : it’s important to me that if you’re ever standing in front of me looking up my twitter account that you do not take a moment to unmute or unblock me so that we can share a magical laugh about how wildly delightful i am in real life compared to how obnoxious i am online
2 October 2019 : i think any response i could have to this would not be appropriate for the timeline
2 October 2019 : hmmmmm
2 October 2019 : how would you know
2 October 2019 : before i watched this movie i thought the comments about the suits was just a veneer of faux queer lust as a cover for outright female objectification but in reality i want her character to crush my skull
2 October 2019 : yes but her character was MADE to make queerbies riled up. the masc-femme dynamic at play. the looks. the husky voice. the power. when she shows up with a cane i actually YELLED.
2 October 2019 : i was thinkin he must be mad cuz you’re not petting him
2 October 2019 : what the fuck is happening pic.twitter.com/geLYwIDBA9
2 October 2019 : an amazingly useful system. it’s so nice to differentiate between what’s YOU and what’s your outta wack brain chemistry!
2 October 2019 : at this point the only notable downside seems to be i’m slightly more forgetful if i’m between tasks but that could just be just.... part of my personality? lol
2 October 2019 : love to have a built-in system that will make me LEAP out of bed to take my meds
2 October 2019 : mad world tho
2 October 2019 : shoutout to me for renewing my anti-anxiety scrip and still takin that shit every damn day without forgetting because it has a 24-hour lifecycle and if i wait too long i start getting anxious & my mind races which makes me hyper aware that i forgot to take it. neat system!
2 October 2019 : is 42448733 a nickname or a family name
2 October 2019 : cat mad af
2 October 2019 : i forgot why anyone uses hashtags so i’m writing drafts like “i think this should be hashtagged #awesome because it... is...?” pic.twitter.com/uneLhwWRdt
2 October 2019 : part of this edit test involves pitching stories that aren’t in my wheelhouse which is normal scary but another part wants suggested hashtags for social media and explanations for *why* and it’s making me feel a million years old
2 October 2019 : i fuckin love forms bring it on
2 October 2019 : i’d like to formally request consideration for membership into your next relationship whether it is poly or mono
2 October 2019 : i think everyone should learn how to make a roux bc you likely have the ingredients (fat & flour). it’s a super easy base that can be tweaked/altered to work for a huge variety of stuff http://dish.allrecipes.com/how-to-make-roux/
2 October 2019 : it’s def the easiest thing to take a bunch of random shit and make it into something edible. part of me feels sad that there’s no more half & half, butter, or garlic though :(
2 October 2019 : i took my roommate’s food but it was in favor of making both of us food, so
2 October 2019 : this is a thin pasta with a basic white sauce (my roommate’s half & half, a little flour, the rest of the butter) with the last of an old jar of chopped garlic, a takeout cup of parmesan(!), and cut up leftover asparagus my roommate steamed(?) for herself a few days ago.
2 October 2019 : i am my best cook when i can’t buy groceries and have to just make do with whatever i can find. pic.twitter.com/zVvKGAsB8x
2 October 2019 : this whole movie is bi white girl catnip goddamn it fuck
2 October 2019 : tailored and fitted with custom shoes
2 October 2019 : my roommate says she looks like the WB frog and it did nothing to stop my thirst
2 October 2019 : it’s so cliche to be into a tall thin blonde but she really works it to a point that i am mad this movie didn’t pivot into full blown porn
2 October 2019 : i can’t!
2 October 2019 : my labias are sweating
2 October 2019 : i am watching A SIMPLE FAVOR and i’m glad blake lively has disappeared because i was absolutely about to combust if i kept looking at her honestly offensively queer overtones holy god
2 October 2019 : whats matt damon gotta do with it tho
2 October 2019 : i've heard p much anywhere around 34th st is good
2 October 2019 : rest assured no one will take up the offer because it is insane
2 October 2019 : zonks
2 October 2019 : what a wild possible psychological breakthrough
2 October 2019 : good to know 👇 https://twitter.com/WeirdWithWords/status/1179191703372218369
2 October 2019 : does he know you can just google boobs is google illegal if you work at yahoo and that’s why he didn’t know you can just google boobs https://twitter.com/cnet/status/1179161890611777536
2 October 2019 : farts overheard in farts?
2 October 2019 : spent the past two days at my neighbor’s house working on freelance stuff. today i started inexplicably feeling a lot of anxiety. now that i’m back home i realize it’s because my brain exceeded its maximum Focus On Holding In Farts limit.
2 October 2019 : the fanciest tie dye tube socks!
1 October 2019 : kenneth
1 October 2019 : thinkin bout bofa
1 October 2019 : please
1 October 2019 : i have included the goose taxi attack in the copy i'm working on and i am tweeting this as proof because it will likely be cut for being too good.
1 October 2019 : proud of our sweet baby boy
1 October 2019 : price harry coming out with the biggest wife guy energy of the year https://twitter.com/Jasamgurlie/status/1179100779904425987
1 October 2019 : supermans abandoned his home/culture to protect & defend weaker buds who could not sufficiently defend themselves, cuz it is a good way to be.
1 October 2019 : i have so much copy to do but i’ve been doing so much copy my brain is pudding pic.twitter.com/Nx1dSSKTq0
1 October 2019 : There Are No Good Todds (TANGT) https://twitter.com/microsoft_usb/status/1179094426611785733
1 October 2019 : sadly not
1 October 2019 : what the hell
1 October 2019 : just remembered i can force men to be silent by muting their name/work so that i do not engage with or acknowledge their asinine grown man tantrums (mantrums) lol pic.twitter.com/QYe1buxfyB
1 October 2019 : holy hell i love her
1 October 2019 : lmao he looks like shit
1 October 2019 : oh my god
1 October 2019 : im sorry WHAT
1 October 2019 : todd phillips should stop talking lmao
1 October 2019 : its true af. every time i plate something i’m thinking about how the customers will react when they see it, how they’ll respond to how it’s cooked. it makes for better food.
1 October 2019 : and then when the cops stop killing black people and the billionaires are broke just abolish prisons entirely because little change can come by keeping in place tools of capitalist white supremacy
1 October 2019 : empty the prisons & fill the cells with cops and billionaires tbfh
1 October 2019 : congrats bb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first but not the last!!!
1 October 2019 : def keep em in there!
1 October 2019 : name something better than climbing out of bed at 4:30am specifically to eat a tortilla from the fridge in the dark YOU CANT
1 October 2019 : i did and i have not heard back!!!! https://twitter.com/thisisbree/status/1178904951134855168
1 October 2019 : solid!
1 October 2019 : actually worse than the towel thing. incredible. https://twitter.com/yashar/status/1178851664490569728
1 October 2019 : my friend is the 7th dentist and i’m MAD
1 October 2019 : am drunk and asked a bunch of dudes if they’d dick me down as proof to my friend that i am down dickable and 6 out of 7 dentists said YES
1 October 2019 : acute brain worms
1 October 2019 : FUCKIN PREACH
1 October 2019 : i keep forgetting the word “bathroom” and calling it “the toilet hole” :( ;)
1 October 2019 : tony stop spamming people with your nonsense. go outside and make friends with a neighbor and find joy in your life.
1 October 2019 : oh honey be quiet
1 October 2019 : oh michael i do love you so
1 October 2019 : a 7 settles for a 3 and overcorrects her efforts to rationalize her mistakes https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1178683896461955072
1 October 2019 : FUCK
1 October 2019 : i. told. you. so. https://twitter.com/cwarzel/status/1178823476930461696
1 October 2019 : if words were food, this tweet would be the unpopped kernels at the bottom of a bowl of day old popcorn https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/status/1178745073564975105
1 October 2019 : i would’ve said “the weekend” and “sunday night” but i am a service worker and i do not ascribe to your generic 9-to-5 weekday schedule
1 October 2019 : the runaway truck is me on my day off and the red guy is 9pm the night before my next shift pic.twitter.com/QEeYo7MCy1
1 October 2019 : the 3-4 season lifespan of tv shows lately is great as a viewer but seriously fucking with my ability to write specs.
30 September 2019 : it's time. pic.twitter.com/xN53FsHPGs
30 September 2019 : apologies for retweeting a stolen tweet quote tweeted by another account with the intent of making both go viral
30 September 2019 : sex workers rights are human rights.
30 September 2019 : what a fuckin flex
30 September 2019 : a quart container is the perfect size as a starting planter & super easy to make (you stab a hole through the bottom and insert a coffee filter to catch loose dirt)
30 September 2019 : in perhaps too perfect form: a quart container & takeout lid from work to serve as the planter for the basil seeds embedded in the @madeincookware tags i got with the pot set they sent me pic.twitter.com/yZTvhq9hMp
30 September 2019 : omgggg
30 September 2019 : watch The Politician and try telling me i’m wrong
30 September 2019 : another one!
30 September 2019 : i told you https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1178127887163183104?s=21
30 September 2019 : oh no is this how i realize i’m Old https://twitter.com/cosmopolitan/status/1178419694203740162
30 September 2019 : racism is fuckin wild
30 September 2019 : holy fuck
30 September 2019 : it was purple first but the gradient for that was like grimace bright purple to a sorta peachy pink & it faded wicked fast. i like the blue more and it seems to be holding up longer. i dyed it about a month ago.
30 September 2019 : i got the manic panic bleach kit & did that, waited a few weeks to trim the dry stuff & then hit it with color
30 September 2019 : thank you! manic panic!
30 September 2019 : these are my “inside slippers inside outside slippers” and combined they cost $2 and i love them
30 September 2019 : 1 neighbor gave us a table that works better in our living room since the chair was being used to hold up a large mirror & we don’t have space for both 2 upholstery is coming out all over cuz cats
30 September 2019 : feels like an important addition to the scene pic.twitter.com/l2Rcn4oa2V
30 September 2019 : the only way i’ve ever known is by searching my twitter handle and key words related to the shedding of my uterine lining
30 September 2019 : we tossed this chair approx 1 hour ago so i am sitting on it outside and living the dream
30 September 2019 : posting selfies instead of engaging with political drama. it is the Talia Way™️ pic.twitter.com/aRuCrJHnsc
30 September 2019 : hold up the cheapest shen yun tickets are like $35???? i can’t afford *any* subway ads. a crushing disappointment.
30 September 2019 : having 4 days off outta nowhere is financially terrifying but the silver lining is i don’t have to wear a hat for 4 days and i can actually try making my hair look like... something? pic.twitter.com/lvDkZ65C2O
30 September 2019 : wholly tragic
30 September 2019 : i’m white but i’m on-medicaid, lived-in-a-trailer-park white, not the typical brooklyn gentrifier white. like, the only subway ad product i can afford is a nosebleed ticket to shen yun.
30 September 2019 : gotta be black cuz seasonal creamer flavors are just a manifestation of capitalist marketing
30 September 2019 : where did those mysterious forest clowns go? well, fam, i do believe they were a media invention by russian influences to provoke hysteria ahead of the election and no one could ever convince me otherwise
30 September 2019 : it’s probably pumpkin and egg nog
30 September 2019 : why aren’t you writing this show right now
30 September 2019 : milkshake duck is for when a thing that was good turns out to be very bad and forest clowns is for when a thing that seems scary is just an illusion to make folks scared, and this is how my very normal and healthy adult brain categorizes things
30 September 2019 : i try not to take the bait on civil war/antifa trending hashtags because they’re most likely inflated by bots to intensify feelings of division akin to mystery forest clowns in 2016 intensifying feelings of fear and helplessness.
30 September 2019 : it’s all an extremely normal time pic.twitter.com/xwAZTL4G48
30 September 2019 : woof
30 September 2019 : wow
30 September 2019 : now if you don’t mind, i am going to pitch an article about this and maybe it will be accepted and i will get paid 2-3 months from now
30 September 2019 : i don’t need being poor to get attention online. i do that by writing smart things and being unbelievably beautiful and hilarious. if you can’t jive with that, that’s *your* burden, not mine. anyone who doubts my circumstances can eat a mountain of hot shit.
30 September 2019 : i don’t have to prove my financial circumstances to goddamn ANYONE. i talk about them with the direct intent of normalizing the act, untangling the shame narrative capitalism builds up around poverty & minimum wage work, and as solidarity with my fellow workers.
30 September 2019 : i could tell you things like “i told my roommate i’d buy groceries after my next check but then my hours got cut” or “i don’t do laundry until i get enough cash tips to cover it” or “i make $416 a week” & still there’ll be folks like “but your shoes aren’t taped to your feet??”
30 September 2019 : this dude is the compilation inside my head of all the weirdest pieces of shit who make me irrationally worried about things that aren’t my responsibility or within my control, all because a wildly exhausting conspiracy is preferable to the reality that i am poor
30 September 2019 : i have posted tax returns and discussed how i was put on medicaid and worked to unlearn the anxious need to “prove” my financial strain or to explain how i could afford things and yet
30 September 2019 : perhaps it is because i am not pretending, and thus there are no tracks to cover. also there’s so many better/faster/easier ways of gaining online attention???? this is insanity. pic.twitter.com/C6py2DXCGZ
30 September 2019 : just found out about sacha baron cohen drama(!) series ‘the spy’. i love a good career revival. i mean, i don’t yet know if this series is “good” but the wigs have got me having doubts.
30 September 2019 : nailed it
30 September 2019 : god forbid you ever name the problem
30 September 2019 : i’ll never understand the intense rage people feel when you say something very straightforward like “i am freaking out because my hours got cut and i’m barely getting by as it is.” why do people hate poor people more than they hate poverty.
30 September 2019 : coming along great thanks so much for asking/caring!!!! pic.twitter.com/ZtTNnrxAEg
30 September 2019 : wow
30 September 2019 : this kinda shit is stupid as hell cuz it implies things will just magically happen that give the result we want as we sit back and retweet bullshit.
30 September 2019 : and yet it’s not me? 🤔
30 September 2019 : i love a meaningless comparative. analyze their astrology charts next. https://twitter.com/ryanlizza/status/1178516302807191552
30 September 2019 : cc @amfmpm new chamberland track sounds fire bro
30 September 2019 : if your coworker offers you eucalyptus oil to help with congestion do NOT say yes because it will spill into your bra and make your boobs burn. unless that’s what you’re into then say HELL YES. who am i to judge.
30 September 2019 : jonny
30 September 2019 : holy hell
30 September 2019 : you’re the hero this town needs
30 September 2019 : if you love eggs why don’t you marry one and then have sex with it and make egg babies Deluxe Ringmaster Mini Top Hat on Headband, Red/Black/Gold, One Size https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07P5PG3PV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_zPuKDbNR4C2NP
30 September 2019 : so fucking golden
30 September 2019 : i’m gunna write blisteringly stupid takes and link to merch so people might buy a very specific hat
30 September 2019 : the tweet he’s scolding you for is LEGENDARY
30 September 2019 : acute brain bleed pic.twitter.com/1C9PR1oPTx
30 September 2019 : eat cake IN bath?? can u IMAGINE
29 September 2019 : bosses who abruptly cut your hours without giving you a heads up should be immediately jailed EDIT actually all bosses should go to the pokey
29 September 2019 : it’s a mood, honey pic.twitter.com/DXZuGRiLbp
29 September 2019 : the only good coverage about the joker movie is who gives a fuck
29 September 2019 : i mean... you forgot gorgeous, too https://twitter.com/mamapeachtoyou/status/1178397020656152578
29 September 2019 : 💗💗💗
29 September 2019 : stoked to answer a ton of emails and write a bunch of copy please read all of my extra exclamation marks with the anxious/terrified undertone they imply!!!!!!!
29 September 2019 : 💗💗💗
29 September 2019 : there’s no way that mirror table is always that spotless
29 September 2019 : just found out i have 4 days off this week and i’m stoked because i have been burning the candle at both ends and i desperately need a break but i’m terrified because i have been barely scraping by financially and this sudden change is sure to absolutely ruin me :)))))))
29 September 2019 : omg hello dog king and your perfect splotchy nose!!!!
29 September 2019 : it took them how long to realize they can do stupid propaganda by putting nonsense in his agenda?
29 September 2019 : medicare is socialist but go off fascist kingboy lol https://twitter.com/chrismegerian/status/1178378651450183682
29 September 2019 : ken burns burns kens burn
29 September 2019 : ken burns is original asmr send tweet
29 September 2019 : i imagine it’s easy to be overwhelmed with existential dread when there’s nothing tangibly wrong in your life. the folks who sweat the loudest over what it means to exist never had to worry about whether they’ll make rent this month.
29 September 2019 : “my nail lady quit so now i have to find a new nail lady and meanwhile my cuticles are HIDEOUS” “i’m thinking about reintroducing refined sugar into my diet but i’m not sure” “my parents want me to go to our cabin for the holidays but ugh it’s so musty”
29 September 2019 : i wish i had grown up rich so i could be armed with a great education and a healthy self esteem that i could then squander on being stressed out by the absolute most inessential shit on the planet
29 September 2019 : the biggest dick of my life was a hardcore bernie supporter
29 September 2019 : pimple patches are an amazingly innovative and useful new trend but for the love of god stop wearing them over a full face of makeup. they don’t blend.
29 September 2019 : 'chernobyl' was just ok
29 September 2019 : i have non-consecutive days off so i can be available for my copywriting job but having non-consecutive days off means my brain is always melting
29 September 2019 : i have to write a bunch of copy before monday but here's the thing: i'm tired and i don't want to
29 September 2019 : i got what they call "asbestos crotch"
29 September 2019 : one way or another imma have a full sleeve soon enough
29 September 2019 : pretty ballsy of me to keep getting tattoos on my forearms when that is also where i keep getting 100% of my work burns
29 September 2019 : my whole front was damp from washing dishes so a hot hot shower felt like coming back to life
29 September 2019 : i got a burn gel i keep in my backpack but in the moment i just rub a cherry tomato on it until i can step away to bandage it up.
29 September 2019 : holy hell! we ran out of grill cleaner recently so our flattop was getting *intense* but the worst i've gotten from it was when my coworker was spraying out the fryer and didn't realize the grill was on. bunch of hot oil-water got on my arms. but nothing that bad.
29 September 2019 : took a #nightshower so luxuriously hot it scalded my labias pic.twitter.com/05V4HPFXCR
29 September 2019 : you got the ( shaped ones from reaching over sheet pans & steam tables too??
29 September 2019 : fuck
29 September 2019 : after i came out as bi there was a solid 3-week period where i could eat any dairy and nothing happened. it was baffling. i drank a glass of half & half just to test the gods and the gods shrugged. holy shit. https://twitter.com/hichrisryan/status/1178109673183965184
29 September 2019 : the least you can do is text me first if you’ve been inside me
29 September 2019 : #3 is from after i worked the line solo during a 2-hour rush in the middle of a heatwave
29 September 2019 : sometimes i question whether or not i’m “really” a line cook but then i look at photos of myself at work pic.twitter.com/Q9OICiGSvy
29 September 2019 : wrldsgr8estdad
29 September 2019 : so much stuff happens all the time. fuck.
29 September 2019 : you never realize what’s on your bucket list until it happens
29 September 2019 : it is exactly “something.” am i angry? no. amused? no. irritated? not really. confused? sorta, but mostly just. interested in something unfolding.
29 September 2019 : i am not partaking in the loud exasperations or yelling because 1. it’s a worker just doin his best and 2. i just got off work i have zero energy to get that upset. i’m just quietly sitting here in awe of everything around me.
29 September 2019 : worth noting the shuttle bus only needs to go 1 stop before the end of the line. one stop. and it’s a straight line to that stop. phenomenal.
29 September 2019 : he just missed the turn *AGAIN*
29 September 2019 : it’s been 15 minutes and we have gone minus one block. incredible.
29 September 2019 : now a cute hip girl is giving him directions
29 September 2019 : the shuttle bus driver took a bunch of wrong turns and everyone on the bus is yelling at him so he got on the speaker and was like “i’ll put the bus out of service!” and he has officially gone in a complete circle and this is legit wild
29 September 2019 : this ad makes me wanna KMS pic.twitter.com/4H5iDTY4D5
29 September 2019 : my ass to waist ratio verges on god tier but part of what makes me so approachably attractive is that i do nothing to emphasize or exaggerate it
29 September 2019 : i am too short for my arms to reach the back of the lowboy without sticking my whole torso in it but the plus side is i am short enough to fit my whole torso in it
29 September 2019 : but no unicode SYMBOL it’s DIFFERENT
29 September 2019 : this is absolutely a flex pic.twitter.com/eVM9ZPa5x4
29 September 2019 : i have googled “tm symbol” for every ™ i’ve ever tweeted
29 September 2019 : ‘The Politician’ is just Succession For Kids™
29 September 2019 : appreciate the note! i’ll do better next time!!
28 September 2019 : the thing that most defines me? i live, love, and — get this — laugh.
28 September 2019 : where can this be seen?????
28 September 2019 : oh fuck
28 September 2019 : delaware! does! not! exist!
28 September 2019 : delaware is a simulation
28 September 2019 : “i’m from delaware” are you though?
28 September 2019 : lmao
28 September 2019 : are you a simulation
28 September 2019 : it’s not actually
28 September 2019 : no you don’t
28 September 2019 : the image of the guy at the table with a cup of coffee and a sign and the sign says “delaware doesn’t exist. prove me wrong.”
28 September 2019 : because delaware doesn’t exist now
28 September 2019 : the state anthem is called “our delaware” and the chorus is just “oh! our delaware!” boy they really phoned it in on delaware didn’t they pic.twitter.com/EQwIipWyhi
28 September 2019 : the state capital of delaware is dover? sounds fake but ok
28 September 2019 : you never meet anyone from delaware. i have half a mind to think it’s a fake place. a figment. a mirage in the sands of this enormous country.
28 September 2019 : every once in awhile i remember delaware exists and i have to check to make sure i’m not just making that up
28 September 2019 : lmao
28 September 2019 : 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
28 September 2019 : they can get BOFA
28 September 2019 : an allergy test drug????? i don’t know!!!
28 September 2019 : don’t you dare
28 September 2019 : can anyone work my shift tomorrow night? a cute boy (craig) asked me to go to a thing (his traffic school graduation)
28 September 2019 : how do i become blockchain
28 September 2019 : i’m not paying my student loans until i’m nominated for an emmy nelnet gunna have to get me into some rooms if they want their 12k
28 September 2019 : no they slip off i wear a hat
28 September 2019 : i am a chubby linecook so no and no
28 September 2019 : yo what if an allergic reaction is the POINT of the drug WHAT THEN why am i still obsessed with this
28 September 2019 : 😭😭😭😭 i have been BLESSED
28 September 2019 : whose p do i gotta e
28 September 2019 : how do i become a bicon
28 September 2019 : i’d like to introduce you all to my serious boyfriend, craig. pic.twitter.com/rrCUJr9AX4
28 September 2019 : i met someone who voted for jill stein in 2012 and i laughed so hard i cried
28 September 2019 : i’m allergic to nonsensical medication copy
28 September 2019 : how his upper lip go from zero to skydiving
28 September 2019 : i really need to find a decent open mic near me so i can torment just a small room of people half-listening instead of spewing on y’all
28 September 2019 : sounds like there needs to be a Hey, Babies! spinoff
28 September 2019 : are folks going to their doctors asking for prescriptions just to find out if they’re allergic to them. is there an epidemic of people allergic to medications getting addicted to the rashes and respiratory failure they cause. the clause creates more questions than answers.
27 September 2019 : twin peaks agreed to run as bernie’s veep https://twitter.com/horrormuseum/status/1177654985863024640
27 September 2019 : i love medication commercials that say “do not use Flonzûx if you are allergic to Flonzûx” like that gives any information. i imagine there’s folks on that med and who are allergic & are all going “woah, i thought anaphylactic shock meant it was working”
27 September 2019 : whistleblowers are good.
27 September 2019 : i’m sorry the transparent WHAT https://twitter.com/theavclub/status/1177719600349405184
27 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/RO3E0FQG25
27 September 2019 : i work with a bunch of beautiful nbies & it’s gotten me into the habit of reflexively providing my pronouns whenever i introduce myself. it’s so easy to just add it on! zero effort!
27 September 2019 : i’m always excited when people get to learn the difference between a hyphen and an apostrophe but not like this. never like this.
27 September 2019 : love when they let rudy out of his cage to yell at his own teeth
27 September 2019 : it’s Frida For Men(tm)
27 September 2019 : i saw someone coming outta the train yesterday wearing a che shirt but it was obama’s face and i was like “lmfao brooklyn”
27 September 2019 : that last line is cherry af
27 September 2019 : big props to whoever got this through though. i see you & i respect the hell out of you.
27 September 2019 : actually it’s better if you take off your glasses for that https://twitter.com/wareable/status/1176947668947542020
27 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/ccjogU05Cq
27 September 2019 : there is no ethical consumption in capitalism
27 September 2019 : the new york times would continue to function just fine. it just wouldn’t dominate the media status quo anymore. that is a good thing. subscribe to wapo
27 September 2019 : an underfunded new york times would be a new york times without bloviating chodes regurgitating the same obtuse op-ed for years while earning more in one year than the most dogged freelancer earns in a decade.
27 September 2019 : wow
27 September 2019 : subscribe to local newspapers & independent mags like @BitchMedia instead of throwing your money at a capitalist empire in sheep’s clothing
27 September 2019 : watch politicians flip back to decorum and civility once the ship starts sinking but do not for one second forget how enthusiastically they feasted on fascism, and how readily they’ll gorge themselves on bigotry the second it seems safe. they do not care about you.
26 September 2019 : also stop telling people you have imposter syndrome you are an adult you can say insecurity
26 September 2019 : cancel your new york times subscription twice because of this tweet https://twitter.com/jillfilipovic/status/1177332841794932748
26 September 2019 : negate your imposter syndrome by reframing it as making artfully crafted conspiracy theories about yourself.
26 September 2019 : i do too :( but i am tired so it will have to wait until tomorrow
26 September 2019 : oh i should mention that the darker spot is this too faced bronzer i’ve had for like.... a few years? and the highlighter is fenty. i rarely wear it but it’s lovely
26 September 2019 : yes i’m mindblowingly hot but almost as importantly i am also available for hire and sometimes i know the answer to a math problem before consciously thinking about how to do the math because i am a genius
26 September 2019 : fenty, baby
26 September 2019 : i dressed like a human today because i thought i was meeting someone for coffee but it turns out that is happening *next* thursday so i immediately peeled off my sweater and switched to this shirt
26 September 2019 : shirt is from here and the artist has another that is black that says “i haven’t pooped yet”: https://ohmonah.shop/products/good-poop-shirt
26 September 2019 : thank you! it’s VERY BRIGHT!
26 September 2019 : @jennyjaffe got it for me!
26 September 2019 : ✨ pic.twitter.com/M3L93N7gJ0
26 September 2019 : shoutout to cropped out guy wearing transitions lenses
26 September 2019 : he like googled billy joel & was like yep that’s punk alright
26 September 2019 : https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1177343611492601856?s=21
26 September 2019 : my culture is not a costume https://twitter.com/andrewyang/status/1177052920287825920
26 September 2019 : could never handle even the softest mosh
26 September 2019 : thinking about rewatching the latest season of glow so i can get out a good sob at the sheila plot
26 September 2019 : shoutout to evelyn for phoning it in for absolutely every single costume in this thread
26 September 2019 : is this whiteface https://twitter.com/andrewyang/status/1177052920287825920
26 September 2019 : i’m bi as hellllllllllllllll
26 September 2019 : the masterpiece classic is the only pride and prejudice that matters and you are correct and good
26 September 2019 : incredible old timey cartoon villain energy
26 September 2019 : gunna be a totally chill day today.
26 September 2019 : imma marry babish, mark my words. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXYoduN0kWs
26 September 2019 : ya obvs
26 September 2019 : and im absolutely obsessed with this whole series. starts off fun, takes a HARD PIVOT to acutely informative. i THRIVE. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRRUrhomU3o
26 September 2019 : i watched this video in its entirety last night despite not playing a single video game or whatever the zelda is. absolutely stunning. https://youtu.be/CYutF8qr7AY
26 September 2019 : i wanna do a cooking show but the twist is it's good
26 September 2019 : well i mean yeah
26 September 2019 : personally wild about spending 3 hours adjusting indents so 1 year of jobs can fit into one page
26 September 2019 : i got whiplash
26 September 2019 : "not even being provocative but" is the pedo flag version of "i'm not a racist but"
26 September 2019 : "there's no such thing as a single tweet taking ten years off your life-" pic.twitter.com/FEHuKGI5cl
26 September 2019 : is that too Presumptious?
26 September 2019 : hire me specifically because of this joke, thank you.
26 September 2019 : holy zonks i'm clenching my jaw this is so stressful
26 September 2019 : if i don't get the job you'll be the first to hear about it
26 September 2019 : as an example of my acute attention to detail, i have a stomachache because i can't decide whether it's better to end every bullet on a period or open-ended
26 September 2019 : as compromise between the shoulders i deleted the errant comma and am leaving the joke
26 September 2019 : devil on one shoulder: "leave the joke in" angel on the other shoulder: "if you don't get this job it'll be because of that joke" pic.twitter.com/Q44pUAX8Dg
26 September 2019 : and zendaya is meechee
26 September 2019 : lol the guy who yells "YOU SAYING I GOT TALKING POINTS, JUAN?" and holds up......a bunch of talking points https://twitter.com/ndrew_lawrence/status/1176972720858456067
26 September 2019 : croissant OREOS???????????? pic.twitter.com/2oMXl2BKbT
26 September 2019 : they paid a graphic designer to create these panels
26 September 2019 : lmao the naughty laugh and then the SOUND HE MAKES it is too much
26 September 2019 : im here for the energy of "AHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO BLEAK"
26 September 2019 : i love working in an environment where every day i have the opportunity to learn something new. for example, today i learned that ONIONS upside down is "SNOINO." but upside down AND reversed? it would be: ONIONS fascinating.
26 September 2019 : recorded & posted on 1% battery you better retweet
26 September 2019 : snoino pic.twitter.com/2PScg04okO
25 September 2019 : that bodega cat isn’t here lol
25 September 2019 : oh dang how come
25 September 2019 : there’s *nothing* to do. my coworker is dredging/frying and that’s a one person job. so i’m going to a bodega to get us some snacks
25 September 2019 : fuck that
25 September 2019 : yeah. so?
25 September 2019 : i’m sorry what
25 September 2019 : i am proudly 15 times above average https://twitter.com/qikipedia/status/1176572007347085313
25 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/qrBdpsFVD2
25 September 2019 : it’s so slow at work and there’s no prep to do and i already cleaned all the stuff and took my lunch break. so... what’s up evening twitter???
25 September 2019 : me and rashida tlaib face the same difficulties pic.twitter.com/P9BNQ1VFS4
25 September 2019 : i told you so!!!! https://twitter.com/voxdotcom/status/1176969647448571904?s=21
25 September 2019 : one way or another, i *wont* be getting a job, which is truly the job i’m best at. i live for a quality “we’ve decided to go in a different direction.”
25 September 2019 : ooo we should get superglue
25 September 2019 : also apparently i was “hilarious” in my initial phone screen and she was like “don’t feel obligated to be funny” and i said “good”
25 September 2019 : lol i interviewed for a job i’d be perfect for and during the interview the hiring manager suggested i also apply for another job she thinks i’d be perfect for. i am having a powerful time.
25 September 2019 : lmao a mess https://twitter.com/acosta/status/1176896651727908866
25 September 2019 : nah this fake https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1176898802051158017
25 September 2019 : ya :(
25 September 2019 : thanks so much pic.twitter.com/6mBZ5hJUdb
25 September 2019 : took dog on walk to show new neighbor neighborhood! "i've never had a casual conversation walking around the block with a neighbor before, especially at...2:30am" "well, you've never been *my* neighbor before." it's instant love! new dog friend!!!!!
25 September 2019 : new! neighbor! has! a! dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!
25 September 2019 : a masc voice sing-whining and distorting every vowel makes for indecipherable noise to my ear
25 September 2019 : i thought a song’s lyrics were “come take my hand. marry me, marry me. i’m addicted to you” and so i would sing along thinking “this is nice.” i was a little wrong. pic.twitter.com/48DNLaGGEJ
25 September 2019 : thank you! i suspect it’ll be fine by friday.
25 September 2019 : @Tylertas lol after the fryer was off and had been drained and sprayed with cold water! it was lukewarm at best!
25 September 2019 : no the implication is that we had run out and not had a chance to refill it until we were reminded by my burn that we needed bandaids
25 September 2019 : what a story!!!!
25 September 2019 : wow you really just did that didn’t you
25 September 2019 : turned it upside down cuz it overheated
25 September 2019 : thanks
25 September 2019 : luckily foh bought a pack of bandaids last week after i burned myself on the grill and i think i’m the only person who’s had to use them but i suspect the knife will take more victims pic.twitter.com/UEcPU5JRmq
25 September 2019 : it’s a perfect 90 degree angle lol
25 September 2019 : i accidentally hit my cat with mine when i threw it off me in my sleep and he was pissed at me for a whole day 😩
25 September 2019 : anyway i showed a picture of myself to my coworker of how i look when i’m not at work and he didn’t believe it was the same person who minutes earlier had stuck her whole arm in a fryer and who he then accidentally sprayed with a hose. i’m hot when i’m not doing grimy stuff!!!
25 September 2019 : you get it
25 September 2019 : why would she oil stainless steel
25 September 2019 : i saw it on the stove with a little water in it (indicating it had been washed and left to dry) and i whisper-yelled “nooooooooo”
25 September 2019 : i just got home from work to discover my roommate used my new fry pan before i could 😭😭😭😭😭
25 September 2019 : i’m no travel expert but i think the best time to fly is when you’re in an airplane
25 September 2019 : ok well it’s a good joke so
25 September 2019 : i would say “vox explain yourself” but it’s vox so
25 September 2019 : oof! feel better soon!!
24 September 2019 : photo in the replies
24 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/5pxGPaKfNM
24 September 2019 : i was halving cherry tomatoes (a breeze now!) and it went straight through the glove. does anyone wanna see it since it’s stopped bleeding
24 September 2019 : didn’t you say my coworkers would cut themselves on my day off?
24 September 2019 : thank you!
24 September 2019 : not gunna post it (it’s still bleeding) but it’s shaped exactly like an L. even my injuries are iconic???
24 September 2019 : i cut a huge gash in my pinkie finger with the knife i sharpened and i’m so proud???? pic.twitter.com/bW4idUL5Gg
24 September 2019 : omg
24 September 2019 : nancy pelosi oughta be impeached too
24 September 2019 : yup. the average american wedding is like 30k. it’s wild.
24 September 2019 : delete it
24 September 2019 : gettin boiled alive on this fav ratio all for daring to dream
24 September 2019 : listen here pal
24 September 2019 : i’ve written more convincing copy about *home insurance*
24 September 2019 : i’m so late to this but trudeau-no-he-DIDN’T
24 September 2019 : instead of spending 50k on a wedding what if you spent 38k on a wedding and 12k paying off my student loans? just something to think about
24 September 2019 : it’s only $12,000 surely her dress costs more than that.
24 September 2019 : jennifer lawrence should celebrate her wedding by paying off my student loans
24 September 2019 : also it has this cool baby on it pic.twitter.com/1yh6ltXZ1K
24 September 2019 : also every line of “quotes” in it is very baseline copy and not words an actual person said out loud
24 September 2019 : jlaw’s registry is just covert advertising it’s a scam she’s rich she doesn’t need a registry
24 September 2019 : this interview is exactly perfect and i need to use someone’s printer so i can print it out and carry it with me always https://tv.avclub.com/the-good-place-writers-want-you-to-keep-trying-until-th-1838296740
24 September 2019 : her contributions of “crisp comrades” and “seasoned slims” and “bony bastards” were works of art make no mistake
24 September 2019 : i am not as smart as holly
24 September 2019 : last night i was riffing with @TheAliciaKraft about alternate names for firewood and i said “flaky bakies” and i’m still not over it
24 September 2019 : it’s just a check i wrote myself “for creative services” dated five years from now
24 September 2019 : i’m reeling
24 September 2019 : i’m sorry are you breaking the news to me that jlaw is engaged???
24 September 2019 : remember the democrats who stood by.
24 September 2019 : our democratic leaders will tolerate and condone fascism but they draw the line at Too Much Capitalism
24 September 2019 : the impeachment swirls happening because trump tried buying a second term: great that there hasn’t been a serious drive for it since day 1 & we’ve got concentration camps & dead refugees & fascist terrorists: insane
24 September 2019 : strike time. https://twitter.com/kate_h_taylor/status/1176489706206441472
24 September 2019 : imagine what i could be if i just logged off- pic.twitter.com/eQDKIsdgio
24 September 2019 : if he’s still alive, i hope he’s happy and comfortable.
24 September 2019 : it’s a pap shot of a portion of his face under a baseball cap
24 September 2019 : well, https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4431258/Richard-Simmons-pictured-time-THREE-YEARS.html
24 September 2019 : that podcast was big time creepy & gross but his social media turning into just automated posts redirecting to a store feels like he could’ve died and no one’s said anything. i don’t want him to be Public i just worry they’d not say anything
24 September 2019 : yes but he was last “seen” in 2017
24 September 2019 : i have had my doubts and his social presence has devolved to....this pic.twitter.com/pQsmuNmzTQ
24 September 2019 : is richard simmons still alive
24 September 2019 : @amfmpm unfortunately i found the most cursed thing you could remix and i feel like i need to hear it just to purge it from my soul?
24 September 2019 : disney PILLOW princess
24 September 2019 : the thing about the running through the house with a pickle in my mouth song is it’s v similar to the beginning of dolly parton’s 9 to 5 but never gets to the big splashy chorus so i just spend hours remixing them together in my head and i’m cursed and i want to die
24 September 2019 : the last wet spot i made was shaped like mickey mouse https://twitter.com/cnbc/status/1176224835770429441
24 September 2019 : yalls responses are v disconcerting. i apologized profusely and mentioned it almost wound up on the timeline and we moved on.
24 September 2019 : reeeeeeeeead
24 September 2019 : sounds about right
24 September 2019 : lizzo 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞
24 September 2019 : there really is a tweet for everything 😞 https://twitter.com/kevinthe406/status/1176225361949937664
24 September 2019 : thank you!!
24 September 2019 : lmfao
24 September 2019 : congrats anyway 💗
24 September 2019 : that’s where i learned it!
24 September 2019 : this girl is me when i tutored high school english oh my god
24 September 2019 : hello new followers, i don't know why you're here but if you have $12,000 to pay off my student loans feel free to do that. also sorry/you're welcome in advance and also retroactively.
24 September 2019 : incredible qt
24 September 2019 : wow
24 September 2019 : you can also whisk or half whisk (to retain yolk clumps) in bowl with milk or even mayo, but the key is removing from heat a few times.
24 September 2019 : ah, well here is my method: preheat the pan on low, add canola. crack eggs in bowl. add to pan. stir with spatula to break in pan vs whisking in bowl cuz i like the yolk chunks. add s&p. remove from heat occasionally to reduce temp while stirring.
24 September 2019 : depends on what you're asking?
24 September 2019 : here is a cropped version, which funnily enough PHOTOBOOTH PARTIALLY CROPS THE IMAGE SO U CAN'T SEE THE BOTTOM UNLESS YOU OPEN IT??? but hopefully clarifies how my entire nipple became the centerpiece of what was supposed to be a goofy photo pic.twitter.com/OJb5mvTJbx
24 September 2019 : i didnt realize photobooth was still opened when i went to my home screen and i was like 'lmfao wow' cuz i've got a night cream on & full double chin so i took a pic and i WAS gunna post it but instead dmed it to a pal and as soon as it sent i was like OH SHIT
24 September 2019 : lmao fuck
24 September 2019 : i didn't realize it was even in the pic until after it sent and showed up on my computer screen and then i immediately died
24 September 2019 : oh my god i accidentally sent someone a picture without realizing my full nipple was 100% visible through my shirt what do i do
24 September 2019 : get fucked
24 September 2019 : thank you, the internet. the scramble is extremely exhausting but i hope soon there will be delicious scrambled eggs in my fancy free fry pan.
24 September 2019 : ahhhh!!!!!!
24 September 2019 : coming home from work at 1am with a chef knife in my bag does make me feel somewhat invincible, as a small lady-type.
24 September 2019 : mouse update: they're still alive. wow, i've had two mice in my home with two cats since may. haven't held them in awhile so going to try holding them in their cages for the next few weeks to get them acclimated. nina is fast & loves running away. emma just kicks/jumps. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1126320282292117504
24 September 2019 : ahhhhhhh good to know!
24 September 2019 : ah gotcha gotcha
24 September 2019 : it's all normal, the fbi, nothing to see here!!!!
24 September 2019 : ohhh bangin. i got a regular honing steel but i don't wanna bring it to and from work with my knife in just my backpack. too much stuff.
24 September 2019 : (my wishlist is basically things i wanna remember to get & what sizes/styles i decided on that i wanna remember for things i can't afford but hope to work up to getting)
24 September 2019 : thank u mighty boy
24 September 2019 : i've heard rumblings about mineral oil and knives but the relationship isn't super clear to me.
24 September 2019 : i just added a bunch of knife stuff to my wishlist, like a knife bag and some edge guards. aside from larger sharpening plates, i'm set on that front. but is there anything i'm missing in this list that i should look into? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1WLTIGJZ668CM?ref_=wl_share https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1176003926287683584
24 September 2019 : the secret is everyone in batman is an incel.
24 September 2019 : better than the right recruiting incels to shoot up schools and bomb newsrooms
24 September 2019 : thank you 🙏🙏🙏
24 September 2019 : new batman will be about incels and jonah hill will play an incel
24 September 2019 : what are you doing right now? let's go!
24 September 2019 : fuck. shoulda put out a queer call i would've been there in minutes
24 September 2019 : lmao that's basically how i fed myself when i worked as a kitchen assistant for cooking classes D:
24 September 2019 : dead just sitting here like pic.twitter.com/1ewbEaeFCX
24 September 2019 : the irony of getting free cookware but not being able to buy groceries to cook anything in them just hit me like an acme anvil and i am cackling so i don't cry
24 September 2019 : not u
24 September 2019 : ny state law requires max 90 days
24 September 2019 : tea
24 September 2019 : true
24 September 2019 : @ourobororoboruo ya they use a file that matches the grooves instead of flat plates!
24 September 2019 : i love u
24 September 2019 : why would you bring knives on a date
24 September 2019 : *remembers i’m waiting on two freelancing checks* whom would like to go on a date with me in 2-3 months
24 September 2019 : *remembers i’m $300 short on rent right now* whom would like to buy me dinner
24 September 2019 : lol
24 September 2019 : no just catching up
24 September 2019 : whom would like to go on a date with me
24 September 2019 : me @ every epstein development pic.twitter.com/wCiAPHeC8Z
24 September 2019 : not against the folks who rep my district lol
24 September 2019 : me waiting for the mighty to gimme a ‘o hell ya’ pic.twitter.com/nsBKarq4Zf
24 September 2019 : woof
24 September 2019 : thank you! if you can fly me out & put me up i’m game! but otherwise feel free to reference the piece however it may help 💕
24 September 2019 : look upon my hotness, ye mighty and go ‘o hell ya’
24 September 2019 : i can’t wait
24 September 2019 : tell your friend she’s a dunce
24 September 2019 : i’d be in that sweet spot where my rent is 24.6% of my income. i’d finally be out of the “rent burdened” category!!!
24 September 2019 : can you even imagine?
24 September 2019 : i’d like to make $45,000 a year. seems cushy.
24 September 2019 : esp considering three months ago that was probably like $90
24 September 2019 : i’m mostly focused here on the idea of teaching financial literacy
24 September 2019 : “this guy asked me for fish and i was like “pfft why can’t you learn how to fish???” and he was like “i ain’t got any arms” what a dunce!”
24 September 2019 : in conclusion: shut up.
24 September 2019 : why is HE running for president and *I* am watching 1988 british horror flick “the lair of the white worm”
24 September 2019 : in terms of obesity, these systematic issues could come in the form of: - food deserts - poor work/life balance - lack of access to mental health resources - lack of affordable healthcare - general fatshaming funny enough, most of those issues predominantly affect poor people!
24 September 2019 : you ever see something and it makes you go “ha ha”? good shit.
24 September 2019 : we don’t need seminars on how to lose weight or save money. we need the systematic structures that prevent us from being healthy (read: not the same as thin!) to change.
24 September 2019 : similarly, fat people know more about calories and dieting and exercise than people who’ve always been thin because they’re pressured to pursue that information regardless of whether it’s accessible or feasible for them.
24 September 2019 : poor people are plenty financially literate. we just don’t have the resources to put our knowledge to work.
24 September 2019 : poor people aren’t stupid and they aren’t poor as a result of being stupid. you can’t Reading By 9 someone into economic stability. you want folks to learn financial literacy, improve wages, cap rent, and build affordable housing instead of luxury condos.
24 September 2019 : the only solution for improving financial literacy is improving wages, capping runaway rent, and building affordable housing instead of luxury condos. poor people aren’t fucking morons just because they’re poor.
24 September 2019 : yikes this is neocon af. READ THIS YA CHUD: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ev3dde/most-money-advice-is-worthless https://twitter.com/andrewyang/status/1176294942072868864
24 September 2019 : hahahahahhaahahahhaahahhahaha
24 September 2019 : 💗💗💗
24 September 2019 : correct!
24 September 2019 : lmao do they advertise that
24 September 2019 : that’s a honing steel, not a sharpener! it’s easy: use every time before using the knife. at a 20 degree angle, bring blade across steel in one direction, then again on the other side. 5-6 runs is sufficient. this better illustrates: https://m.wikihow.com/Use-a-Sharpening-Steel
24 September 2019 : nice
24 September 2019 : i defer to @the_mckern on that
24 September 2019 : oh and thanks for tolerating my typos. *coarse, not course **bent, not vent
24 September 2019 : thank you!!!
24 September 2019 : this tip i learned from @the_mckern : if you’re taking your knives to be professionally sharpened, bring them a cheap one you don’t care about. see how they do. if you like their work, bring them your better knife/knives.
24 September 2019 : i would rather not lmao look for local pros near you & bring them a knife you don’t care about to see how they do before bringing them your better ones!
24 September 2019 : if you regularly use your knife, get it sharpened “with the seasons” (4x a year). honing (“sharpening”) steels should be used before each use *between* sharpenings, not as a stand-in for sharpening. a “good” knife is whatever feels good in your hand & works how you want it to.
24 September 2019 : a few knife tips: never leave them in water or put them in the dishwasher. hand wash & leave to air dry tip down. the best electric sharpener is the chef’s choice 3-in-1 (coarse, medium, fine). take your serrated knives to a professional - it requires different tools.
24 September 2019 : i’m legit high off this rebound. the feeling of bringing a knife back to life with your hands is probably exactly as emotionally affirming as watching your child take their first steps to you.
24 September 2019 : ohhh god you should’ve taken it to a knife sharpener! yes! you just hammer it flat and then sharpen a new tip!
24 September 2019 : here is a before and after 🥰 pic.twitter.com/JKTgjyO1DZ
24 September 2019 : i ran the blade through a piece of newspaper to check for any burrs or rough spots i missed with my beautiful eyes (none). ran it over the extra fine plate after the newspaper. and now i am going to finish it on a leather strop! pic.twitter.com/T3JLrrDngG
24 September 2019 : can u believe this fucking edge i just MADE WITH MY HANDS that wasn’t there at ALL before?? i’m amazing pic.twitter.com/T8QgP1Mbuk
24 September 2019 : have you seen any of the @s i included you in in the thread tracking my progress lol
24 September 2019 : i tried grinding it down to a semi workable tip but the amount of effort it’d get to taper it to a true chef tip is too much bother given how much additional work this needs
24 September 2019 : i’m staring at the edge i’ve made just in awe of its beauty and it’s helping me understand how you all are looking @ my selfie
24 September 2019 : anyway i’m back home to sharpen this work knife. i’m bringing the edge out further so it’ll hopefully hold up over extended use between sharpenings and i’ve just accepted that the tip is going to be a little blunt, but hopefully that will help w lotta chopping?? santoku style 😎 pic.twitter.com/kadjyGoJO1
24 September 2019 : nice
24 September 2019 : honestly i’m gorgeous??? pic.twitter.com/1EFOpWEyUt
24 September 2019 : boogers in your nose are the secret spiders of your face
23 September 2019 : lenny can we please get a #kravitzglasses update
23 September 2019 : not in the early 90s
23 September 2019 : the folks is what really makes it
23 September 2019 : i was definitely a dog in a past life and i was reincarnated as a human as punishment for being a bad dog. probably ate a baby’s face or bit a businessman.
23 September 2019 : thank you @KatEschner for hanging out with me and stuffing your belly with pierogies and your heart with the random outbursts of unusually angry new yorkers 💗💕
23 September 2019 : some guy walking down the street just blurted out to no one in particular “nobody reads anymore, folks!” it was hot for like 8 hours today but that definitely kicked the “real feel” up a few degrees
23 September 2019 : cool cool cool cool pic.twitter.com/K7zz7DRdsr
23 September 2019 : props for this tbh pic.twitter.com/IDIjZq1H7e
23 September 2019 : har har har
23 September 2019 : honestly thank you for this! the optics can seem wack & i worry about folks thinking i’m getting stuff *to* advertise vs advertising an extremely dope thing i got as a result of something i wrote!
23 September 2019 : that’s honestly genius & poetic. she has to deal with the ring of fire, y’all get to experience a taste of what she went through and the sweetness that comes after. plus it’ll be hilarious “sorry to interrupt this job interview, i have to take a shot of fireball real quick.”
23 September 2019 : i can’t get over how sexy these pots are???????
23 September 2019 : i can’t remember where i made it 😩
23 September 2019 : if any companies would like to send me $12,000 because of articles i’ve written about how i can’t pay my student loans, feel free to get in contact.
23 September 2019 : buy a new one
23 September 2019 : i was given 2 diamond plates (extra coarse/coarse, fine/extra fine) + a lil holder for them, and a king ceramic 600/1000 grit. the system is i sharpen by hand until the knife functions.
23 September 2019 : anyway! i have to leave now but i just moved on to working on the coarse plate (which sort of hones the big changes made on extra coarse) & i’ll prob move back to extra coarse cuz i’m still not happy with that angle. here’s the progress so far. the edge is facing up. pic.twitter.com/YQRPpRi7RD
23 September 2019 : i dunno! i went to one in portland so i assume there’s a chance?
23 September 2019 : idk if this is sponcon?? they offered to send them in response to my article and i said i can’t guarantee coverage except me posting about it on my personal social media and they said “that’s fine what’s the address!” and i was like “oh shit sweet here’s where i live”
23 September 2019 : 😬😬😬😬
23 September 2019 : gotta hit up that buffalo exchange that’s where the hipsters donate
23 September 2019 : i can’t give any of them away they’re all my perfect babies wait would you like to buy a cat
23 September 2019 : i can’t get over the handles. that little curve near the pot and the subtle groove along the handle. so clutch (lol)
23 September 2019 : well i had to write a whole article based on experience assisting cooking classes, selling cookware, and working in a kitchen but yeah
23 September 2019 : it’s a big day for me pic.twitter.com/kcITkLmLrH
23 September 2019 : they’re PERFECT!!! can’t wait to break em in!!!
23 September 2019 : would anybody like to buy some pots so i can pay my rent lmao
23 September 2019 : i’m jealous of myself!!!
23 September 2019 : as soon as i opened the box and took out the first pot i said “are you fucking kidding me.” they’re beautiful & a good weight & their design is so precisely every thing i’ve ever wanted from cookware.
23 September 2019 : now to casually return the lamp to the living room and put back all the trash mail and junk food that was cluttering the table before this little photoshoot
23 September 2019 : i got it at a thrift shop & it’s a DREAM
23 September 2019 : took a break from knife sharpening because @madeincookware sent me this three pot set after i wrote an article about pots and oh my GOD are they gorgeous. they’re *exactly* perfect. plus they come with tags you can PLANT. wow wow wow!!! thank you!!! https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kz47jy/buyables-three-pots-food pic.twitter.com/eVXUa00Amo
23 September 2019 : this knife literally has no edge. how my coworkers managed to do any prep with this thing is beyond me. here’s one side, unsharpened, and the other side that i’m making an edge on. pic.twitter.com/Op1DPhSHGt
23 September 2019 : i’m using an extra course diamond plate @the_mckern gave me. at this stage i can make mistakes & kinda be all over the place cuz all i’m doing is making a new edge. it’ll get refined when i move on to course/fine plates. pic.twitter.com/w4iUUkJDgp
23 September 2019 : here’s the shirt out in the wild (photo credit @AstroKatie ) pic.twitter.com/1YPX6fQGOe
23 September 2019 : those circles are from smacking a hammer. i don’t care cuz this knife is a pos & i’m learning but in the future i’ll angle the hammer to focus on the vent part vs scraping the rest of the blade 😬
23 September 2019 : if you’re a bisexual being hugged by a black cat today LEGALLY you have to post it https://twitter.com/yellowcardigan/status/1176211928911437825
23 September 2019 : oh fuck yes
23 September 2019 : lol it’s a chance to practice without ruining my good knives :)
23 September 2019 : i think this angle is about right! now to bring out the tip & sharpen the rest of the blade pic.twitter.com/V2humzeUPU
23 September 2019 : the black stuff is called burrs (according to ryan, who taught me how to sharpen knives!) and they are metal shavings that come off during a sharpening. there’s a lot cuz i’m making a whole new tip which requires taking a lot of knife off! a little more work on the angle to go. pic.twitter.com/nnQGnKKq7B
23 September 2019 : hahahahahahahahahhaha
23 September 2019 : here’s a better pic (cc @the_mckern ) pic.twitter.com/gbfCZg6N4H
23 September 2019 : first thing: hammering the broken tip to flatten it. then reshaping it to make a new tip that matches the overall angle of the knife. huge burrs & bits of metal coming off but we’re getting there. pic.twitter.com/uKYyeeMVM7
23 September 2019 : fixing up this gnarly boy!!! pic.twitter.com/4RBV6mmU7H
23 September 2019 : here’s things i need info about: - pa/writing assistant positions in nyc - open mics over 3 minutes (no pay to play) pref in brooklyn to replace the 6min mic i stopped going to because the host is a gross creep to women
23 September 2019 : he made an email account for the glasses and now i have to rename the lenny kravitz-themed bar i was planning to open so it matches the bar’s contact email >:[
23 September 2019 : they are our kin
23 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/QbWWsYsJhT
23 September 2019 : kravitzglasses at gmail dot com https://twitter.com/lennykravitz/status/1176166227720495104
23 September 2019 : the original has a clock in the corner so i just stamped the background around it to remove it and then put it on a wallpaper so the full pic would fit my screen pic.twitter.com/EKMnjHHpph
23 September 2019 : this will do pic.twitter.com/ZGcAHAh1HG
23 September 2019 : nvm i just edited it to remove the clock lol
23 September 2019 : trying to find one without the clock :(
23 September 2019 : wow this image where did u get this
23 September 2019 : i made and bought this shirt after some dude added me to a twitter list called “the slut zone” because i was criticizing trump & sluggish establishment liberals 💋
23 September 2019 : i say bi cuz it’s easier for folks to conceptualize but y’all surely know i don’t throw down with a binary built on exclusion.
23 September 2019 : i love his mustache so much 😭😭😭
23 September 2019 : it’s #BiVisibilityDay ?! well hello there pic.twitter.com/cpDawdxzyq
23 September 2019 : lol
23 September 2019 : having cats is so stupid i love them so much
23 September 2019 : it’s adorably funny. kenobi walks with such douchey purpose, checking behind as he walks very arrogantly toward the food to make sure i’m still following, prepared to meow at me if i divert from the path.
23 September 2019 : i moved the cat food bowls from my room to the living room and now every day as soon as i wake up i’m assaulted by meowing hungry boys who don’t know they have food because they haven’t bothered leaving the bed but who are ready to meow-lead me to their full bowls.
23 September 2019 : my sunglasses and my remote control have been missing for about a month & im just wondering what the borrowers are plotting
23 September 2019 : $200
23 September 2019 : $500
23 September 2019 : walked into the kitchen to make myself something to eat and unconsciously rubbed my belly in anticipation like a cartoon grampa.
23 September 2019 : if someone sends me $200 right now i won’t post/fav/rt for a full week. don’t miss out on this incredible opportunity! http://paypal.me/taliajane
23 September 2019 : 🤯
23 September 2019 : name them
23 September 2019 : it sure would be a shame if someone ate all my roommate’s shredded cheese while standing in front of the open fridge at 3am
23 September 2019 : (i love you)
23 September 2019 : we are at house
23 September 2019 : we are at house
23 September 2019 : lol
23 September 2019 : ok cool cool cool
23 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/dko2q3tlzd
23 September 2019 : a fleabag MOVIE
23 September 2019 : ok well if y’all aren’t gunna cough it up then i guess i’ll just tweet this again at an hour when most people are usually awake
23 September 2019 : i guess i would like for there to this exact scenario to me, as it would make a whole lot of things i’d like much easier to obtain
23 September 2019 : if someone paypals me $200 right now i won’t tweet or rt or fav anything for a full week http://paypal.me/taliajane
23 September 2019 : and also i’m in love (with a woman) omg the dream
23 September 2019 : lmaoo
23 September 2019 : can u imagine? someone’s dog gets like insistently friendly w me and then i make eye contact with the owner as we knowingly smile off what the dog is signaling & sparks fly and then i get to live with a dog
23 September 2019 : this is like when michael scott named the annoying bad guy in his screenplay “dwight” and then search replaced it but missed one “dwigt” https://twitter.com/franklinleonard/status/1175960072955949056
23 September 2019 : honestly the subtle signal would be so helpful
23 September 2019 : can dogs tell you’re gay like how they can tell when you’re on your period?
23 September 2019 : goddamn right you did
23 September 2019 : @jamieloftusHELP bring it back pic.twitter.com/TTLDkOngtY
23 September 2019 : added a totally normal thing to my website https://taliajane.com/ pic.twitter.com/JkkHk7Y1TS
23 September 2019 : when they see us shoulda fucking SWEPT
23 September 2019 : not gunna say anything except i def did some counting when they went up and pic.twitter.com/G2G8QvnGcO
23 September 2019 : 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 https://twitter.com/Variety/status/1175968690551918592
23 September 2019 : 😩😩😩
23 September 2019 : honestly if you’re young and rich why waste time pretending to be a normal person.
23 September 2019 : no time/space to do it at work. gotta just slowly steal and replace one at a time until all are fixed and sharp again.
23 September 2019 : emmyyyyyy
23 September 2019 : my boss let me steal a knife from work to take home and sharpen 😈
23 September 2019 : holy shit @DOB_INC !!!!!!!!!!
23 September 2019 : i have attempted to add other songs to my head but all roads lead to miss bee havinnnn
23 September 2019 : its from the righteous gemstones
22 September 2019 : runnin through the house with a pickle in my mouth 𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖍𝖆𝖎𝖑 𝖘𝖆𝖙𝖆𝖓
22 September 2019 : the speaker at work broke so the kitchen has no music to listen to which means my brain just comes up with whatever it can and for the past two hours it’s been this song and i’m over it!!!!!
22 September 2019 : i’m already jealous!!!
22 September 2019 : runnin through the house with a pickle in my mouth mis be havinnn
22 September 2019 : exactly. it’s annoying, on top of everything else!!!
22 September 2019 : thinking about how much money you spend every year on just bills & rent & oh no i can’t do this i gotta clock in
22 September 2019 : i was waiting for you to comment
22 September 2019 : don’t think about how you have to pay bills the rest of your life don’t think about how you have to pay bills the rest of your life don’t think about how you have to pay bills the rest of your life don’t think about how you have to pay bills the rest of your life don’t think abo
22 September 2019 : same https://twitter.com/byjoelanderson/status/1175780484065808385
22 September 2019 : just when i thought i got outta the hole the cycle started back up again
22 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/dMsqP4rhfZ
22 September 2019 : the top bun is actually a signal for an ongoing mental health crisis
22 September 2019 : not for fun reasons lol i forgot people do that for fun reasons. i have been putting necessary expenses that don’t require a bank account on my cc to float the gap between income & COL.
22 September 2019 : survival
22 September 2019 : i maxed out my credit card this week 😬
22 September 2019 : he’s gunna have some wicked zoomies tonight!!!
22 September 2019 : hahahaha
22 September 2019 : bodega cat would destroy him honestly
22 September 2019 : forever mood pic.twitter.com/kf6jvERZDW
22 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/prfCHU4Ljd
22 September 2019 : hmm i wonder if a schedule would help. like, just a tablespoon of wet in the morning and then kibble at night.
22 September 2019 : i am tweeting this in place of a long thread about the frustrations of living paycheck to paycheck and the extra anxiety that hits 1 week before rent is due
22 September 2019 : does he eat wet food only? i read awhile ago that that can affect their gum health.
22 September 2019 : money anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!
22 September 2019 : oh no toxic breath?! have u seen a vet about that? bad breath in cats is no bueno.
22 September 2019 : @reeses atone for your sins & change the recipe back you SCOUNDRELS.
22 September 2019 : lol how long you had him? by like year 7 i was like “sure, whatever bro.” but also he’s trained enough i can say “fuck off!” and he runs away.
22 September 2019 : good grief. his thing primarily is he loves rubbing his face against hard corners & has knocked over cups/bottles as a result but recently he’s gotten into coffee and i don’t know why!
22 September 2019 : uhhhhhh
22 September 2019 : why! do! you! like! coffee!! you’re! a! cat!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/SGYDhvEBUv
22 September 2019 : once my roommate left for the day w a half full coffee cup on the side table by the couch & he went over and drank out of it for a full minute. i was like yo dude do you realize what you’re drinking??? but i figure if it kills him it’s his fault ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
22 September 2019 : freddie learned how to climb up me/sit on my shoulder as a kitten and he still does it and it’s not nearly as cute!!! he will also “run” from my lap to sit next to my roommate’s plate when he discovers there’s food. but by and large the bitch loves himself some coffee.
22 September 2019 : let’s! get! it!!!!!!
22 September 2019 : i was trying to take a pic of him rubbing his face against the side of the cup and then he just dunked his wholeass head in it. why does he like coffee wtf
22 September 2019 : this bitch just drank my COFFEE pic.twitter.com/ZcRteZCICK
22 September 2019 : GALAXY QUEST
22 September 2019 : if you play it backwards he tells you who killed him https://twitter.com/theavclub/status/1175827121803014144
22 September 2019 : no what happened!!!
22 September 2019 : yeah i realized when i hit reply that i was just stating the obvious lol
22 September 2019 : seems *you* are the real sociopath
22 September 2019 : you been punkd
22 September 2019 : you were alive in the 1920s?
22 September 2019 : i have had this song stuck in my head ever since posting this tweet so please listen to it while viewing my clips http://taliajane.com/articles https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-crgQGdpZR0
22 September 2019 : probably so but that doesn’t negate the fact that reese’s changed their recipe and tastes like shit!!!!!!!
22 September 2019 : so did i but no, it’s real.
22 September 2019 : thanks babe 😘
22 September 2019 : the rest fill very specific cravings but reese’s broke the cardinal rule of candy manufacturing and for that they must die
22 September 2019 : gotta be reese’s as punishment/revenge for them changing their recipe in the 2000s & making their peanut butter filling taste like sand https://twitter.com/lizdueweke/status/1175495157908525056
22 September 2019 : how much you wanna bet the video is from an employee at the store where a cust came in to get a new one after destroying it
22 September 2019 : ignoring everything else, this video is mesmerizing. https://twitter.com/amasan25/status/1175132192609067008
22 September 2019 : i would prefer a collapsible footrest situation as my main issue on planes is my feet don’t all the way touch the floor so i end up resting them on my backpack, but i suspect that’d be bulky af
22 September 2019 : the best part of this link is the customer review pictures of legs squished behind a seat on a plane
22 September 2019 : i’ll be at work during the emmys so i want to pre-emptively congratulate anyone who follows me who wins. as a close personal friend who i am very proud of, it’s our friendship that got you that emmy. please let me put it in my mouth.
22 September 2019 : but i’m not in the wga 😞
22 September 2019 : my dms (and my heart) are open 🐌
22 September 2019 : can u confirm my childhood memory that this film goes hard
22 September 2019 : i! am! desperate! for! work!
22 September 2019 : honestly? thank you.
22 September 2019 : lol i don’t think that’s what she meant but thank you
22 September 2019 : the one clip the vox show played was him grimey with a huge beard shirtless wading across a river (i remember this scene!) and he has his keanu voice and he’s like “yooooo” or something.
22 September 2019 : keanu as buddha is like a 2019 wet dream parody. but it’s real. it’s real. it’s real and it’s probably impossible to find streaming because life is cruel.
22 September 2019 : to be fair, it was 1993. this was 2010. pic.twitter.com/r37R3Pykpa
22 September 2019 : @AlannaBennett i feel like you should be made aware of this? i’m sorry
22 September 2019 : i watched this movie as a kid and have always wondered what it was/why no one had heard of it and then this vox netflix show about the mind played a clip from it & i was like Oh Fuck
22 September 2019 : that is keanu reeves in 1993, as buddha
22 September 2019 : should we talk about this or pic.twitter.com/Lp4qFhoJIb
22 September 2019 : hire me to write. hire me to work as a PA. hire me to work as a writer’s assistant. hire me so i can get my foot in the door to learn work i will excel at because i work hard and never stop challenging myself to be better. you want someone to take a chance on? let it be me.
22 September 2019 : nice to see your life is doing so well. i just reorganized the apps on my phone and deleted the calculator one because “it’ll be fine,” so.
22 September 2019 : anyway. suggestions welcome. i’m off mondays, live off the L. prefer no pay to play or 3 minute mics.
22 September 2019 : what is happening!!!!!!
22 September 2019 : i’m partially wondering if i should just go back and if he tries it be like “fuck no” but that would likely also result in me not going to that mic anymore *sigh*
22 September 2019 : this one was perf cuz it was close & happened on my days off & was enough time to actually work rough stuff out vs refining like two jokes. the only downside was the host gets drunk & gets touchy/tries kissing women.
22 September 2019 : ok so the last time i got rejected from a job i went on an open mic binge but then i stopped going (even though it was a 6 minute mic) because the host was a creep. i can feel myself gearing up to get back into it but don’t know of any decent local mics on my days off!!!!
22 September 2019 : oops
22 September 2019 : jacket thin coat bulky
22 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/lQpXUsTim1
22 September 2019 : shoutout to my cat for celebrating our 9 year anniversary by peeing on my bed💕💕💕
22 September 2019 : hahaha awww thank you!!! though i wish it were harold charold saying this 😪
22 September 2019 : the haters are all gunna be *wishing* for pumpkin spiced season when all the gd seas boil
22 September 2019 : it’s an S blep
22 September 2019 : oh shit he’s on a blocking spree!
22 September 2019 : he got mad cuz i told him posting abortion propaganda was fearmongering & he said it was his first amendment right and i said the first amendment doesn’t include freedom to push hateful propaganda ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
22 September 2019 : frist of all harold charold how dare yo u
22 September 2019 : the audacity, honestly!!!! pic.twitter.com/MBQUv2FE6b
22 September 2019 : i cancelled my date with scott baio because he fucked my mom in high school. also this is a 100% serious endeavor! cuffing season is almost over!!!! pic.twitter.com/5yd7kviUqb
22 September 2019 : hello i am free thursday if anyone would like to go on a date with me. i live in brooklyn but i love throughout nyc. babes across the gender spectrum are encouraged to ask. me. out!!!! http://calendly.com/taliajane
22 September 2019 : assume you’re talking abt your own tweet here
22 September 2019 : holy fuck
22 September 2019 : suck da balls https://twitter.com/endlessjeopardy/status/1175632165108768768
22 September 2019 : this made me wanna ditch my mice and trade em in for 1 fat hamster
22 September 2019 : sheryl!!!!!!!! https://twitter.com/leenasalinas/status/1175243703239266305
22 September 2019 : https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1164339370117214208?s=21
22 September 2019 : hm.
22 September 2019 : you are for real doing god’s work with your tweets lately omg
22 September 2019 : go frick yourself
22 September 2019 : “if you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” https://twitter.com/aoc/status/1175619319432196096
22 September 2019 : this tweet is violence 💀💀💀
22 September 2019 : i’d rather die
22 September 2019 : 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
22 September 2019 : it’s funnier to call them trillbies
22 September 2019 : she likes doctor who!!! specifically the 12th doctor (it is a Problem!)
22 September 2019 : but better than the original name: cosmic cum
22 September 2019 : which is just the worst name
22 September 2019 : ok ok ok imma show her SPACE SEED
22 September 2019 : hahahaha
22 September 2019 : that’s a real good point
22 September 2019 : i was watching it & she has no issues being here while i watch it. should i just show her the trillbies ep
22 September 2019 : ohhh for the world is hollow and i have touched the sky! we’re on that one now!
22 September 2019 : ahhh it’s been awhile since i saw s1&2 so maybe it’s in one of those/i’ve forgotten it?
22 September 2019 : the registry will be nothing but towels and bedsheets.
22 September 2019 : are those from the original series?
22 September 2019 : what’s a good trick to get someone to like star trek tos? i wish to share this love w my roommate but all she does is heckle it. i attempted “it’s like doctor who” yet still no dice.
22 September 2019 : this will not impede our marriage plans whatsoever
22 September 2019 : whoops wrong one. this one he quote tweeted a video about how trump is actually pro-black & he qt’ed saying dems abuse poc for votes. with them you get high crimes, other boring talking points. pic.twitter.com/bjChLESHDE
22 September 2019 : life starts at conception, democrats defend murder, don’t trust them with issues of morality. etc etc etc
22 September 2019 : was a conservative group paying him to tweet propaganda and he asked for a raise and they said no so as a sign of disobedience he went liberal and then they were like “ugh ok fine we’ll pay you more” so now he’s leaning in extra hard?
22 September 2019 : did harry get hit on the head and it made him see clearly and then he got hit on the head again and he went back to being wack?
22 September 2019 : was he not gaining enough followers being a decent person so he flipped back to get them big bot favs back?
22 September 2019 : fascinating to see harry flip so hard. https://twitter.com/theharrycherry/status/1175602070348546048
22 September 2019 : the scoundrel
22 September 2019 : yes it is and i’m winning
22 September 2019 : lmfao
22 September 2019 : i shall destroy him with my feminine wiles
22 September 2019 : the audacity, honestly.
22 September 2019 : my sweet harry cherry and i are having our first fight pic.twitter.com/gRFFhiRQkm
22 September 2019 : that’s a bald-faced lie. it’s not my fault you don’t have good taste.
22 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/7aeXedtIuP
22 September 2019 : heartbreaking. am i not hot enough for you? don’t be ridiculous of course i am look at me
22 September 2019 : none other
22 September 2019 : hell yes!!!
22 September 2019 : he unfollowed me and became...whatever’s happening now. proof that not following me melts your brain. or proof that following me is what will make your brain melt, but in a cute, sexy way.
22 September 2019 : he unfollowed me too and i believe it is because he cannot bear how hot & smart we are
22 September 2019 : tsk tsk tsk pic.twitter.com/axOWnOwhxV
22 September 2019 : harry harry harry. first, you cannot claim to speak on abortion when your body is not capable of carrying a child. second, this is fearmongering and beneath you.
22 September 2019 : the klingons could’ve been blue, is all i’m saying.
22 September 2019 : this ep was written by someone named jerome bixby, which is an *incredible* name. is it considered blackface when the actors are playing klingons? there does seem to be some vvvvvvv racist overtones + they’re characterized as animalistic/lesser than. so.
22 September 2019 : what is GOOD my stay at home brethren!!!! pic.twitter.com/x2ovPCC1ep
22 September 2019 : ok but like pic.twitter.com/ZDxo1Hl0o1
22 September 2019 : get “we’ve decided to go in a different direction” tattooed on my face
22 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/PvjetIwque
22 September 2019 : you ever think about how fully fuckin wild toads are? just bonkers. they *meow* when they’re distressed. they *moo* at night. i mean what kinda ux is THAT.
22 September 2019 : thank u king @anildash 4 this blessing 🙏🙏🙏
22 September 2019 : we should destroy them as punishment
22 September 2019 : a flat iron & makeup
22 September 2019 : for the longest i thought i must have hallucinated the change!!!
22 September 2019 : MY KING HAS RETURNED 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/McspjqWC5e
22 September 2019 : they changed the recipe in the early 2000s and they’ve never been good since
22 September 2019 : when presented with the decision to move back in with my mom after living peacefully with my grandparents through middle school, who fed me and provided me with clean clothes that fit and a calm environment to do well in school, i would push back and demand to stay with them.
22 September 2019 : i would yell at my supposed-best friend, kelly watkins, for not inviting me to the spice girls concert she went to with a bunch of girls from our daycare for her birthday. https://twitter.com/baddestmamajama/status/1175553572810850305
22 September 2019 : teamwork! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
22 September 2019 : oh ya my coworker was on hots (busy) & i was on colds (not busy) so i jumped in & was putting stuff down for her & prepping all day counts so all she had to do was assemble the finished products & send them out.
22 September 2019 : feels weird to be off work while people are still out and doing stuff. i’m almost tempted to just sit here until the world gets quiet so i can understand how to exist within it.
22 September 2019 : we turned off tablets at 7:45, stopped taking for-here at 8:15, all orders at 8:20 & told everyone we were closing in 10. they cleared out pretty quick after that.
22 September 2019 : lol my job has to close early cuz another coworker called out sick (it’d just be me doing the whole kitchen, which would be insane) and they posted about it online and *everyone* showed up 30 minutes to close to order for-here 🤦🏻‍♀️
21 September 2019 : i for sure cannot
21 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/7fmrppgIzC
21 September 2019 : i think she’s kenobi’s soulmate
21 September 2019 : hey new york if you’ve ever wanted to know what living in LA is like these last few days of stupid dry weather is pretty emblematic of what you’d get. go get your crows feet, hunny!
21 September 2019 : my roommate ordered food for us to eat while i was sleeping and i took a creepy video of her foot while she was sleeping and this is our version of harmony
21 September 2019 : my roommate is napping in her room and from my room i can see just her foot on her bed so i sent her a video i took from my room, zoomed in from across the apartment on her foot, and whispered “hello sleepy baby.” i hope it lightly traumatizes her when she wakes up.
21 September 2019 : anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21 September 2019 : i dislike this
21 September 2019 : chrissy teigen killed mr. rogers
21 September 2019 : oh between two ferns movie is out let’s see how this goes
21 September 2019 : last night i fever dreamed epstein having something to do with russiagate and i laughed at my own absurdity https://twitter.com/vickypjward/status/1175121410123059200
21 September 2019 : omgggg
21 September 2019 : mmmmmmmmGuy
21 September 2019 : IS THERE AIR? YOU DONT KNOW
21 September 2019 : i put him on a diet and all that happened was he got less bloated. still massive.
21 September 2019 : explains a lot
21 September 2019 : just magnificent pic.twitter.com/OWOiM8yCCU
21 September 2019 : the only perfect movie is galaxy quest.
21 September 2019 : sometimes i wake up to him curled up in my arms (last pic) and sometimes he tries laying on my shoulder and resting his head on my head which given how fat he is gives me a terribly sore neck but it’s fine
21 September 2019 : he was so tiny!!! and now he is LARGE. i shall pass along your words. he’ll understand.
21 September 2019 : incredibly irritating
21 September 2019 : today makes nine years since the first time i met kenobi, my living teddy bear. he crawled into my hoodie and stayed there all night. i adopted him as quickly as possible because i couldn’t stop thinking about him. his first night home he let out a long, squeaky fart & i knew. pic.twitter.com/O2gl5mIaiU
21 September 2019 : i do like that by season three star trek was like “what if we cut down the science and bump up the magical elements in the folks the enterprise encounters”
21 September 2019 : my least favorite tos episode is ‘and the children shall lead’ and i can’t tell if it’s because it’s a frustrating premise or because all of the child actors are the most insufferable people i’ve ever had the displeasure of watching
21 September 2019 : yes it is. thank you.
21 September 2019 : no we do not https://twitter.com/davidcrosss/status/1175262110080802816
21 September 2019 : i rarely wear foundation and always wear sunscreen and that’s helped it a lot.
21 September 2019 : just thinking about these before and after photos i took yesterday pic.twitter.com/wACsF0wDyF
21 September 2019 : ok well let’s see you make art that flops
21 September 2019 : yes
21 September 2019 : if you did *not* block me on twitter because you fucked my mom in high school and you’d like to go on a date with me you can do so at http://calendly.com/taliajane
21 September 2019 : WHO DID THIS 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/kHj3U9ucTo
20 September 2019 : i was laying in bed trying to sleep but couldn’t stop thinking about how mark ronson came to this conclusion & so i sat up and put on sunglasses
20 September 2019 : this is a dramatic interpretation of the process one goes through when discovering they are a sapiosexual pic.twitter.com/XOKzNU5bKY
20 September 2019 : the only ppl i’ve met who said they were sapiosexual were cishet guys looking to seem ~cultured~
20 September 2019 : lmao at referring to your bf by his first & last name
20 September 2019 : trust your brand
20 September 2019 : i’m crafting a background story josh go w it
20 September 2019 : because josh printed them at home and asked his kid to tape them up around school for a hilarious tweet. just enjoy the absurdity.
20 September 2019 : in which case..... my dms are - nope not for him they’re closed for him
20 September 2019 : mark ronson comes out as a straight guy realizing he wants a hot cis woman who can also carry a conversation
20 September 2019 : that’s how it goes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
20 September 2019 : yeah like i’m for sure gunna get a write-up for this but i definitely can’t work today if they want me to be well enough to work tomorrow & sunday.
20 September 2019 : 💗💗💗💗
20 September 2019 : ya i swallow
20 September 2019 : i had to call out of work last minute today because i thought i could work through it. i couldn’t call out on wednesday despite being visibly sick since sunday and now everyone is mad at me for being even more sick. anyway who wants to bring me soup.
20 September 2019 : jfc
20 September 2019 : honk?
20 September 2019 : OWS is where the concept of “the 99%” became a point of awareness/a meme for millennials
20 September 2019 : wtf
20 September 2019 : human centipede. just to see how they manage it. https://twitter.com/judgedewie/status/1174306364065222661
20 September 2019 : it is called ~residual heat~ and is the secret to avoid overbaking. and when i say golden i don’t mean tan or blonde. i mean golden. pic.twitter.com/yG8BvzhBwJ
20 September 2019 : the secret to making grilled cheese without burning it is low heat & pulling it off the heat *just* as it hits golden. it’ll continue cooking itself so the cheese gets gooey without being molten hot.
20 September 2019 : they sell these at the gas station near my apartment and they’re so good??
20 September 2019 : guess who ran across the street to say hello as i was walking up to my building pic.twitter.com/g67DPRZTWA
20 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/SYjJAv0FJ9
20 September 2019 : shoutout to peeing in a skirt fashion pic.twitter.com/ggITBn1P4w
20 September 2019 : and now i eat it pic.twitter.com/clCka3h4tN
20 September 2019 : read Kids These Days https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316510858/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_eBgHDb73TBN9C
20 September 2019 : tonight on the train i was talking to @LuxAlptraum about a job i applied for and the guy standing next to me on the train handed me his business card and said his work is hiring for a role similar to what he overheard me describing 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
20 September 2019 : ya
20 September 2019 : i! think! so! too!
20 September 2019 : it’s so affirming to see the scam become common knowledge 🙏 https://twitter.com/existentialcoms/status/1174815611429388288
20 September 2019 : if you’d like to pay off my student loans you can skip the date and just hit my paypal with $12k http://paypal.me/taliajane
20 September 2019 : hello if you would like to go on a date with me you can do so by scheduling your love on my calendly. WARNING: you might fall for me! https://calendly.com/taliajane/date?month=2019-09
20 September 2019 : i’m the monster/angel who gave @LuxAlptraum a candle stuck in a packet of takeaway jelly and a bag of chili cheese fritos in lieu of a birthday cake.
20 September 2019 : thank YOU.
20 September 2019 : i’m sorry i don’t have any birthday cake on hand but i hope this will suffice
20 September 2019 : exactly!!!! folks don’t realize they’re slamming women for feeling better about themselves???
20 September 2019 : *breathlessly rushing toward my 30s* i have [panting] decided i’m going to [panting] date........... The city Itself.
20 September 2019 : i don’t remember what drink i got but i *do* know i haven’t eaten a single thing today and those 4 delicious ounces have straight up got me middleways drunk
20 September 2019 : thank you @mb for taking me to (what i think is) a vsco girl’s dream bar with some *profoundly* beautifully culinary drinks💕 pic.twitter.com/0vruI2D9qh
20 September 2019 : YOU WOULD THINK
19 September 2019 : imagine the coloring of pic 1 on the framing of pic 2 ahhhhh gorgeous
19 September 2019 : for some reason i couldn’t catch the orange if i zoomed out any further than this no matter how much i messed with the lighting/color. look @ this shit lookin like they’re waiting for the train to firetown >:[ pic.twitter.com/IQLESJGlmg
19 September 2019 : that’s between me and the dog and my parents killer
19 September 2019 : is that good sun time babby pic.twitter.com/ig4OB1UPbi
19 September 2019 : it was me. and the dog knows.
19 September 2019 : oh wow https://twitter.com/parkermolloy/status/1174815512347467776
19 September 2019 : goddamn it
19 September 2019 : i don’t think so!
19 September 2019 : i truly don’t understand what happened
19 September 2019 : omg 😂😭😭 i had the coffee ground one ages ago & it was way too rough on my face so i started using it on my legs as a pre-shave exfoliant lol
19 September 2019 : proud of you 💗
19 September 2019 : did i do this in my sleep or something https://twitter.com/nowthisnews/status/1166758088793305088?s=21
19 September 2019 : i definitely did not pic.twitter.com/axHUJeZVmB
19 September 2019 : who tf is this pic.twitter.com/zbCriodH4v
19 September 2019 : describing tiktok memes is an art form. pic.twitter.com/2VXhfOLFf0
19 September 2019 : beautiful work here pic.twitter.com/m04exL6oET
19 September 2019 : ah right of course, how foolish of me!
19 September 2019 : i am obsessed with tiktok coverage and THIS PIECE in particular is OUTSTANDING. https://twitter.com/kait_tiffany/status/1174749881854025728
19 September 2019 : moment of reckoning as the general population discovers that canada is deeply, deeply racist
19 September 2019 : oh god
19 September 2019 : babyyyyy
19 September 2019 : i’ll stop laying on my stomach when i’m dead
19 September 2019 : horrifically cursed
19 September 2019 : i bought this book because it seemed to be (and IS) a valuable insight on a very important and underdiscussed situation and while reading it i decided to lurk the author’s social media so i could fangirl @ him and now malcolm is one of my favorite brains on the planet
19 September 2019 : HELL YES. EVERYONE SHOULD BUY THIS BOOK. https://twitter.com/bigmeaninternet/status/1174748156187295744
19 September 2019 : HELL YEAH
19 September 2019 : prove me wrong
19 September 2019 : to the bird who flew out of a bush and into my head while i was singing along to the loud speakers at magic mountain in 2006 and the bird who shit on me from a tree a week later, traumatizing me for life: you may have won the battle. but i’m winning the war. pic.twitter.com/6tcseLNukw
19 September 2019 : every time i shit i say a prayer of thanks for the sanitation workers who convert my stinky dumps into delicious tap water
19 September 2019 : yyyyhheeeeeesssssssssssssss
19 September 2019 : it’s a lot https://twitter.com/jennyjaffe/status/1174429784564101121?s=21
19 September 2019 : not sex
19 September 2019 : @amandamull have u seen
19 September 2019 : weird they didn’t immediately go that route
19 September 2019 : incredible. slacker street got cool and then it became this. snake-eating-its-own-tail dot jpeg
19 September 2019 : zonks!!
19 September 2019 : i can’t afford to do this but i so badly want to do this pic.twitter.com/dhztv6KqD1
19 September 2019 : sobbing pic.twitter.com/KFMvwcvixW
19 September 2019 : i’m crying with laughter https://www.zumiez.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=virginity
19 September 2019 : thank you for this
19 September 2019 : hello ms. jackson, my name is nasty. it is an honor to finally meet you.
19 September 2019 : if they have high sides and they’re in my kitchen, they are!
19 September 2019 : swap out the coils for a griddle!
19 September 2019 : it’s a roll-on!
19 September 2019 : it’s soothing!
19 September 2019 : also, FIVE burners???
19 September 2019 : 3 for these pots, 1 for tea kettle, 1 for your face for daring to challenge me like this
19 September 2019 : @emilywithcurls i think you’d really like the highlighter. pic.twitter.com/vKIMf1vGDU
19 September 2019 : i was on sephora last night online window shopping (adding stuff to my shopping cart just to feel the rush but not buying anything) and for that reason i know fenty is releasing some new products *tomorrow* including a ‘baby buki’ brush and a liquid highlighter.
19 September 2019 : lol
19 September 2019 : apparently the lack of photos in this has people confused. so. 1. stock pot. 2. sauce pan. 3. saucier pan (useless) pic.twitter.com/8NNqsr1t4s
19 September 2019 : oh my god
19 September 2019 : and this is a saucier pan. note the rounded bottom. these are largely useless for anything except making sauces. pic.twitter.com/jMNlDgHNXD
19 September 2019 : lol i explained it’s a mini stock pot! but yes, i think it’s not there cuz legally only some pics can be used in articles. here is a sauce pan: pic.twitter.com/KT2oMKGUSI
19 September 2019 : they say write what you know and BOY do i know that life!!!!
19 September 2019 : the piece above offers suggestions ranging from very cheap ($17 set from target) to wild pricey ($345 for 1 (one) pot) as well as explanations for what materials work best and why. and also a photo of me with katie couric.
19 September 2019 : i didn’t read it as anything but confirmation!
19 September 2019 : if you’d like to send me your products to review i will probably not say no to that.
19 September 2019 : that’s why i pitched it!!!
19 September 2019 : oh shit yes
19 September 2019 : come2nyc
19 September 2019 : incredible. i wrote a buyables about how you only need 3 pots and a company reached out saying they sell those 3 in a set of stainless steel (not nonstick!). love to get a marketing that’s immediate confirmation everything i said was HELLA RIGHT. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kz47jy/buyables-three-pots-food
19 September 2019 : honestly i’d love to do that but so farrrrr
19 September 2019 : every food service and retail worker you’ve ever engaged with at their shitty job hates you, because you are part of what makes their job shitty. stay scared. it’ll keep ya considerate.
19 September 2019 : the difference is you chose your work. we chose whatever is available to pay the bills, and regardless of the ugly facts about how customers are stupid assholes, we still serve with smiles and professionalism.
19 September 2019 : last night a cust came in at 10:40, asked “are you still open” & the foh didn’t know we only do to-go only after 10:30. cust says “ill be quick, i really appreciate this!” got her food out in 3 minutes. no tip.
19 September 2019 : also lmao @ the idea of choosing to work in food service because it’s a “good fit for your personality” lmao you choose minimum wage work based on who’s hiring, not on your 401K options or work to life balance. the cop stench of this @ got me reelin.
19 September 2019 : if me posting that it’s irritating as shit when custs come in 30 minutes till closing or that you should tip if the option is available horrifies you and makes you paranoid about your behavior in every food service establishment you patronize: good.
19 September 2019 : literally nothing i’ve said is uncommon knowledge among 100% of food workers. i’m doing you the favor of letting you know what we’re all thinking so you can get your shit together. you’re welcome. https://twitter.com/schunyr/status/1174703481673986049
19 September 2019 : lmao
19 September 2019 : 😷😷😷
19 September 2019 : stephen miller and his girlfriend are waiting until marriage to feast on each other’s fetid internal organs
19 September 2019 : *to which i must attend
19 September 2019 : nobody date me i don’t want to have anything to do with dating
19 September 2019 : “Alas I cannot imbibe with you tonight, for I have many pressing matters to attend to before I retire for the night.”
19 September 2019 : insufferable omg
19 September 2019 : i think it’s time i pivot from “ive been single since 2009 because nobody wants me/i work too much” to “ive been single since 2009 because relationships are for fuckin GOONS.”
19 September 2019 : FUCK https://twitter.com/splinter_news/status/1174696701443153920
19 September 2019 : is it something i said
19 September 2019 : vice? lol
19 September 2019 : i went to a frat party exactly one time and i made out with a guy who looked a LOT like nick jonas and then that was it
19 September 2019 : *minimum*!
19 September 2019 : thank u @yashar for bringing reggie into my life
19 September 2019 : lol i got a sample size of a charcoal mask like two years ago that i *still* haven’t used completely because the first time on my whole face felt *extremely* uncomfortable. now i just occasionally use it on my nose/cheeks.
19 September 2019 : reggie! pic.twitter.com/lO8FGtsRoV
19 September 2019 : the clay one from the company that makes that green clay one?
19 September 2019 : that cat is so chill about it. no way this doesnt happen all the time.
19 September 2019 : a mood pic.twitter.com/g6QqD0X1mt
19 September 2019 : every time a character is near a mirror or a reflective surface and a portion of their face is in the mirror & the rest is facing forward, or their reflection is distorted between multiple reflections (window panes, multiple mirrors). typically happens when they’re lying.
19 September 2019 : me neither
19 September 2019 : for the record, a charcoal face mask or that coffee mask/scrub from lush is as close as anyone should get to blackface
19 September 2019 : the closest i ever got to blackface was when i used a charcoal face mask and i was like “uh this self care is problematic”
19 September 2019 : about right!
19 September 2019 : it is in a cup so
19 September 2019 : hello, strangers! i have a ticket available to catch a screening of fleabag live tonight. 8:55 at ifc center. if you’d like to join me and @LuxAlptraum , or just take the ticket off my hands ($20), please slide into them DMs. here’s the event info: https://tickets.ifccenter.com/websales/pages/TicketSearchCriteria.aspx?evtinfo=229937~8722a542-64c1-4c0b-af02-c3e8a239d769&
19 September 2019 : these articles are fuckin annoying as hell.
19 September 2019 : people, as customers, are at their absolute stupidest because you’re in a position where your exclusive goal is satisfying your immediate needs and you will distort logic and reason to satisfy those goals. for that reason, always tip $100. it is a standard “stupid asshole” fee.
19 September 2019 : if the rest is clearly closing soon, take your food to go AND tip 20% bc you 100% interrupted the crew’s close to get a stupidass sandwich. if the place *has* closed and you still ask “are y’all open?” to a worker pouring bleach on the floor, give them everything in your wallet.
19 September 2019 : you’d tip $15 on a $15 sandwich? yo come eat at my restaurant please
19 September 2019 : hello. always, that’s why the tip option is fucking there, stupid. $1 for each drink if it’s a coffee shop. 20% if it’s food. 30% if you’re a gentrifier. https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/1174221632493301760
19 September 2019 : any time, buddy!
19 September 2019 : it took me a minute to put a finger on exactly what kept giving me pause until the pattern became evident by seeing a tweet from a basic i can’t stand lol
19 September 2019 : you right
19 September 2019 : listen
19 September 2019 : 🎶 im watching tos to carry me gently into that good night 🎶
19 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/JiBosFsXzu
19 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/u1YmktcAe9
19 September 2019 : i’ve been seeing pussyhat bullshit tied to this tweet for two days. it’s lowhanging, pandering fruit. cmon.
19 September 2019 : this tweet was created exclusively for white feminists to say boring shit at it. they interviewed 1 woman who got botox & some fillers. she noted that catching her slightly smiling reflection makes her feel happier. that’s the story. https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1173703722154770432
19 September 2019 : was stuck in my head my ENTIRE shift. it is the most cursed song.
19 September 2019 : i am sorry for sharing a still from Twilight: Empty Nest but please do not @ me horrifying faces i am fragile
19 September 2019 : i have major frog-in-throat voice and am tempted to do something terrible with it, like become a sex hotline operator whose clients get off on getting anti-aroused
19 September 2019 : what the shit hell pic.twitter.com/SidQQywiCr
19 September 2019 : the QVC american dream
19 September 2019 : i enjoy it because i learned like 1% of film theory and that 1% consisted of blocking as narrative so now whenever i see it i’m like oh! i know what they’re doing!!
19 September 2019 : if you consume this much lemon juice every day, yes. but i will not be drinking this every day, and also it is cut 50/50 with water.
19 September 2019 : when an actor is in one room speaking to an actor in another room and their dialogue is strained and then one of them moves into the same room as the other one and their dialogue becomes harmonious??? oh hell yeah
19 September 2019 : i’m right here bro
19 September 2019 : when directors use mirrors and strategic framing to subtly communicate duplicity? i fuckin LIVE for that shit bro!!!!!
19 September 2019 : when i worked at an uppity juice place if i felt under the weather i’d knock back a ginger shot & drank a green juice w black pepper & turmeric and it saved me. learning how these spices & herbs & whatnot interact (in order to sell them) has proven helpful!
19 September 2019 : i estimated portions but if i had to give a rough guess i’d say: 32oz lemon juice (2 quarts) 3-4tbsp turmeric 1/2C ginger 2tbsp black pepper 1/4C water (to simmer ginger & turmeric) 1tbsp agave (adjust to taste) maybe as we enter cold season you will be able to use this
19 September 2019 : black pepper helps the body absorb the turmeric & also increases bile production to aid digestion/soothe inflammation. turmeric improves circulation. lemon juice has vitamin c and helps sore throat. ginger is magic. agave just adds a little sweetness to make it palatable.
19 September 2019 : i made about two quarts. one quart i drank hot. the second, i added 50/50 water to cut the spice and have been steadily drinking it all night. my body is now 100% liquid.
19 September 2019 : at work today i made a concoction to kill my cold. turmeric, black pepper, lemon juice, agave, and a bunch of raw ginger (diced & warmed on the stove with the turmeric in water to open them up more). blended in a vitamix. served hot soothes sore throat.
19 September 2019 : i’ve decided the best way for me to watch succession is by only tuning in to about 20% of what’s going on. enough to understand people’s references but not bored out of my mind pretending to care.
19 September 2019 : i was watching an instagram live broadcast that ended 4 hours ago instead of what was happening on the tv and when the video ended someone on tv said “hey tom i heard you swallowed your own load” and tom said “yup” and there’s no way in hell im rewinding
19 September 2019 : cheers!!! 💗💕
19 September 2019 : this cat could’ve freed the wework nerds pic.twitter.com/GVqc5ytO0y
19 September 2019 : ahm
19 September 2019 : FITYMI
19 September 2019 : dry cotton to grate against my insides? this is the final blood straw.
19 September 2019 : gotta love the feel of dry cotton grating against your insides
19 September 2019 : >:[
19 September 2019 : lemme just go ahead and shoot a lil cotton missile up my snatch and become my bitch stepmom then i guess
19 September 2019 : you tellin me i gotta finger fuck the tamp??? that’s their INTENDED method???? gtfoh pic.twitter.com/WnE23rLMOx
19 September 2019 : my roommate replenished our blood drawer with those OB tamps instead of tampax, which i’ve been stocking in our bathroom for the past three years, and i’m like, we should’ve had a discussion about this first.
19 September 2019 : lmao
19 September 2019 : omg. im even more sick than i was two days ago but now it’s fluffy bathrobe weather AND my day off tomorrow oh man i’m gunna be so freakin cozy u don’t even know
19 September 2019 : the polar opposite of assless chaps https://twitter.com/techinsider/status/1174388114682470400
19 September 2019 : explains everything
19 September 2019 : i got the beyoncé curse. no one hires me because they assume everyone else is gunna hire me. it’s why i’m owed 4 grammys.
19 September 2019 : i’m too hot https://twitter.com/agtmadcat/status/1174520146108354560
19 September 2019 : show yourself
19 September 2019 : wait wait. i got it. 2001: A Face Odyssey
18 September 2019 : 2001. https://twitter.com/realsaavedra/status/1174455694793170944
18 September 2019 : who did this to you
18 September 2019 : to be fair, i DID look exactly like i worked at their deli. i’m wearing an apron, kitchen shirt, and hat.
18 September 2019 : buddy, i AM the ground turkey!!!
18 September 2019 : i do not, no.
18 September 2019 : i went to the bodega to get ginger & other sickness aides and some lady said “excuse me, do you sell ground turkey?” i forgot i’m dressed like this https://t.co/FMT6M1ooZf
18 September 2019 : there’s a difference between a bad job and a hard job. employers like to pretend otherwise.
18 September 2019 : 100% certainty this copy was written by the friend with the painful improv show. pic.twitter.com/Y1cPOH5Jng
18 September 2019 : i’m in nyc and my sick time doesn’t start accruing until after my first 90 days, at which point i accrue half an hour for every 40 hours worked.
18 September 2019 : i’m more sick today than i was yesterday and i’ll likely be sick for a few more days because you can’t chop onions from home
18 September 2019 : told my coworkers yest that they should take vitamin c & ginger cuz i’m sick and therefore infecting them and i didn’t even have to say “and i can’t afford to call out” because that’s a given.
18 September 2019 : honestly any reminder of that song is a GIFT and i WELCOME IT what is your PROBLEM MAN????
18 September 2019 : i have to go to work someone fight joe for me https://twitter.com/joeberkowitz/status/1174410680407121921
18 September 2019 : IT’S TRUE THOUGH
18 September 2019 : it’s 50% right now and i’m full “i didn’t leave LA to put up with this shit”
18 September 2019 : me & my horse when the humidity dips below 65% pic.twitter.com/b2QdDjN6TY
18 September 2019 : ok cool
18 September 2019 : no i do not
18 September 2019 : if you’ve put aside $1,000 - 30% of untaxed freelance checks, which is the common suggestion - then you should transfer $670 to a SEP-IRA to get a tax break on that $670 and the remaining $330 would go to taxes. is that wrong?
18 September 2019 : thank you @gabemschneider for sliding into my DMs about SEP-IRAs. it seems like (according to this piece) you should put 20% of untaxed freelance checks into a SEP-IRA. so if you put aside 30% for taxes, 67% of that should be transferred to a SEP-IRA? https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/102714/simplified-employee-pension-sep-ira-tax-deductible.asp
18 September 2019 : between the full moon making me & my roommate sync up and waking up today at 9:30 and saying ‘it’s too early’ before rolling over and deciding to check my phone only to see that it’s suddenly 12:30, the universe is really throwing me for a loop.
18 September 2019 : financial advice should be as readily available and held in the minds of creators as much as things like “don’t be afraid to pitch” and “get a website to house your clips” and “put your email in bio” and all the little tips we share among each other
18 September 2019 : i opened a savings account to set aside 30% of my freelancing checks for taxes. until yesterday i’d never heard anyone mention a better option - and tbh i don’t think my freelancing income is enough to qualify. this information isn’t widely common knowledge.
18 September 2019 : literally just yesterday i saw a tweet that was like “if you get a book deal, PLEASE open a SEP-IRA” and i was like “wtf is that” and then later in the comments there’s mention that if you ever get a 1099 you should kick 30% into a SEP-IRA & i was like wut
18 September 2019 : you don’t know what you don’t know. when an entire industry is built on the assumption that you have external resources to guide you toward the correct choice, it becomes rigged. it’s the merchant of venice 3 caskets scene, with no portia to tell you to pick the lead one
18 September 2019 : you’ll say yes to bad deals because you don’t know they’re bad, because compared to life without them those deals seem excellent. you’ll burden yourself with more work to prove to people who don’t care about you that you deserve to be cared about.
18 September 2019 : creative industries are built on maintaining idealistic narratives so folks who aspire to write/create themselves out of their circumstances will readily give all of themselves over without realizing how predatory the industry actually is.
18 September 2019 : this transparency & how easily so much can go wrong if you lack the resources that come built-in to being raised/living a financially privileged life are so crucial. i appreciate the author for saying loudly the quiet parts insiders pretend is magic. https://medium.com/page-count/how-to-lose-a-third-of-a-million-dollars-without-really-trying-d3c343675aca
18 September 2019 : god damn you.
18 September 2019 : sounds Up My Alley as all hell
18 September 2019 : it’s from 2018 lol
18 September 2019 : hello
18 September 2019 : link?
18 September 2019 : going off of dupars pancakes that’s like 500 pounds
18 September 2019 : it's the 'you need an intervention' algorithm.
18 September 2019 : when your stomach fat gets on the laptop trackpad and makes the mouse go all brrptbrrptbrrrpt and it doesn't stop until you suck in or remove the edge of your laptop from your fat folds ---- that's amore!!!!!!
18 September 2019 : being medium rich must be so nice.
18 September 2019 : ahhh yes!
18 September 2019 : what good movies that have come out this year should i watch next year when they become available for streaming because apparently that’s the only way i’m able to watch movies now and i live in a hell of my own making, borne back ceaselessly into the past
18 September 2019 : all of my tweets are excellent.
18 September 2019 : hahahahha
18 September 2019 : with that crowd she could just put the mic down. i don't know why she's pretending she needs it. they can hear her.
18 September 2019 : this is exactly the same energy as when a standup show ends and the hosts are like 'stick around for the open mic!'
18 September 2019 : is it bad that this made me hiss with laughter https://twitter.com/sppeoples/status/1174103488902696960
18 September 2019 : i wish i had consecutive days off so i had time to let all my chin hairs come in at once
18 September 2019 : hello strangers. i have an extra ticket to see a screening of fleabag live at the ifc center thursday (9/19) at 8:55pm. if you would like to join me and will be available, please slide into my DMs. here is the event info. it is sold out. https://tickets.ifccenter.com/websales/pages/TicketSearchCriteria.aspx?evtinfo=229937~8722a542-64c1-4c0b-af02-c3e8a239d769&
18 September 2019 : 2.5oz is slightly larger than a sauce cup. it is, in liquid weight, about 2 tablespoons. 2 tablespoons is 1/8th of a cup. those are incredibly small pancakes.
18 September 2019 : my fat cat is meowing weakly at my bedroom door because it is slightly ajar but not ajar enough for him to squeeze his enormous ass through. whom among us.
18 September 2019 : has to be! but even that’s still baffling! who did this math
18 September 2019 : if we’re talking silver dollar pancakes then *maybe* but i’ve had short stacks (3 pancakes) that easily clocked in at 2 pounds.
18 September 2019 : love to immediately violate a restraining order by snitchtagging pic.twitter.com/haPKp2bJon
18 September 2019 : how large are these pancakes for an A to weigh 11 pancakes worth of batter????? https://twitter.com/ithicastone/status/1174094368950505472
18 September 2019 : thank you @GregoryInfanti for writing in my tattoo “New York, NY. How is that?” which is what the tattoo artist asked me while digging into my skin before i responded “i feel like i’m going to pass out.” pic.twitter.com/PcW4VkJrhY
18 September 2019 : bright gem tones work really well with fair skin! you’d just have to commit to bleaching your hair first.
18 September 2019 : yep! it was purple and now it’s a sort of teal blue!
18 September 2019 : my hot avi caused this and i’m not sorry. https://twitter.com/newsweek/status/1173982485098762240
18 September 2019 : where is the link i have needs https://twitter.com/chinchillazllla/status/1159577393625018375
18 September 2019 : dm it
17 September 2019 : i am turning over a new leaf and committing myself to being okay with the fact that i’m a delayed laugher.
17 September 2019 : my sinuses are trying to kill me and i need to prep a bunch of jalapeños and i am praying to the kitchen gods that it is not the final nail in my coffin!!!!
17 September 2019 : harry cherry confirmed not hater ✔️ pic.twitter.com/sGr0midbyu
17 September 2019 : no look at my other tweets
17 September 2019 : no lol duca
17 September 2019 : i’m everyone’s hater
17 September 2019 : you’ll never guess who finally unfollowed me
17 September 2019 : i work in food so a lot of my meals come from that, plus folks sometimes tip me for articles/threads. my rent & bills average 13k/year. the rest goes to transportation, groceries, cc payments, and of course spoiling my stupid cats. but it is a tightrope walk.
17 September 2019 : if you’re not following me, you are one of my haters.
17 September 2019 : all hail @Scaachi
17 September 2019 : idk who picardi is but they are an enabler and they need to cool it
17 September 2019 : OHHHHH SNAP pic.twitter.com/ngNXNiHtJ9
17 September 2019 : caroline calloway and lauren duca should hang out
17 September 2019 : i currently live off of $28,000 a year lol https://twitter.com/bridgetmarie/status/1174003998069788672
17 September 2019 : i’ve gotta go to work now and i’ll be thinking about this piece throughout my shift and feeling a confusing mix of relief that i am not her and frustration that she will continue being affluent and successful regardless of her very broken brain
17 September 2019 : i tried selling feet pics but no one wanted them :(
17 September 2019 : “you’re being so fucking hard on me, journalist whose job it is to ask legitimate questions instead of just flattering me because you’re afraid i’ll use my many twitter followers to blacklist you” pic.twitter.com/EOoxH5eGAD
17 September 2019 : (lmao i do not want any of those things)
17 September 2019 : if one viral piece can lead to teaching a poorly structured class at nyu and publishing a vapid ‘manifesto’ then let me just say now that my open letter got 2+ million unique hits and my dms are open
17 September 2019 : i read the d*ca piece and now i’m nauseous. 1 million hits off a post regurgitating what others had been saying on twitter at the time is not a lot, yet it propelled an entire career and she spends every second spinning every reasonable criticism. woof.
17 September 2019 : it looks like the words are falling outta the -
17 September 2019 : #Christ pic.twitter.com/Ho6LJVSPQ4
17 September 2019 : sean spicer is less “what would jesus do” and more “what would a christian say for likes”
17 September 2019 : it’s hilarious that sean spicer is pretending people hate him because he’s just really into #Christ and not because he was the willing mouthpiece for fascism. the ‘god bless you’ at the end is him struggling to think of a way to emphasize his fake god love.
17 September 2019 : insane
17 September 2019 : incredibly cursed pic.twitter.com/tYTux7EWC3
17 September 2019 : RT @teamcoworker: .@Publix employees—and their family members—are joining this campaign that calls on the grocery chain to offer #PaidFamil…
17 September 2019 : are you holding hands behind your back? also AAAAAHHHHHHHHH
17 September 2019 : stunning tl sync pic.twitter.com/iJLdwYy2nK
17 September 2019 : we’re all in hell https://twitter.com/seanspicer/status/1173858013746057216
17 September 2019 : i laughed out loud for a full minute
17 September 2019 : taylor lautner has been dating another taylor (again) for a whole year and nobody bothered to mention it?
17 September 2019 : a lot of them are because i’m too short for every kitchen even standing on my toes
17 September 2019 : lmao goddamn it suzie!!!! https://twitter.com/zandywithaz/status/1173824986143870977
17 September 2019 : my arms are covered in burn scars, the latest of which happened on the same day i thought to myself “man, it’s so nice how hard it is to get burned at this job compared to my last one.” i got distracted by my leg itching and my arm touched a grill cover while rotating a tortilla.
17 September 2019 : i can’t pick just one. - pulled a vagina muscle trying to stand on a skateboard. not to go anywhere, just stand on it. - my first kitchen burn happened when i reached into a steam pan for some tater tots to have for lunch. - broke my baby toe jumping down from a 1” high wall. https://twitter.com/eleanorkpenny/status/1029644920485765120
17 September 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
17 September 2019 : yeah it wasn’t super clear until i read the description about how they’re only screening it in theaters for the next year & it won’t be available to stream anywhere
17 September 2019 : a screening of blue velvet is $16
17 September 2019 : they’re screenings of a live recording and yes it’s new york
17 September 2019 : cishet white dudes are so self-involved lmao get over yourselves you can't even wash your balls right
17 September 2019 : as a show of my flexibility i will take tom hanks 30 years younger and rita wilson, just as she is. this is rita *last year.* she is 62. holy hell. pic.twitter.com/CeTLhHOlUm
17 September 2019 : im gagging with laughter ahhahahaha
17 September 2019 : it's always piña colada. https://twitter.com/kyleayers/status/1173812358776406016
17 September 2019 : i do not want his son. i want tom hanks, 30 years younger. it's fine he's married cuz his wife is hot in every way possible. but it's 2019. gotta poly it up.
17 September 2019 : it's not just wrong. it's offensively wrong.
17 September 2019 : http://www.ifccenter.com/films/national-theatre-live-fleabag/
17 September 2019 : it’s fine it’s fine i got tickets for fleabag it’ll be fine
17 September 2019 : uh block yourself
17 September 2019 : my body is hot with anger at missing this screening
17 September 2019 : why the fuck didn't anyone tell me the ifc center was showing SHOWGIRLS tonight on 35mm???? y'all fake as hell.
17 September 2019 : i would prefer this clip with zero cuts to the judges laughing much more
17 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/aeIKPVChsT
17 September 2019 : holy shit that's incredible
17 September 2019 : the reverse of this is saying something acutely twitter-specific out loud and everyone around you fully understands and it makes you break for a second because you weren't expecting that
17 September 2019 : mmmm im not sure im emotionally prepared but i will find the strength!
17 September 2019 : shoot your shot but don't let it stop ya from doin the work and connecting with folks!!!
17 September 2019 : between this and the murder house flip show i feel like tv is really targeting me specifically?
17 September 2019 : i once wrote a post on a hmc fan blog that i also had a scar on my eyebrow like hers. but i don’t. i have a chicken pox mark above my brow and i shaved half my eyebrow off on accident and it never grew back right, but that’s it.
17 September 2019 : HMC was my teen crush ages 12 to 16 and greys was my favorite show ages 17 to 24 (until i had to stop watching because i hated that every episode made me sob). there’s 12 full years of me losing my shit over this news.
17 September 2019 : HMC. on greys. 17-year old talia just had a stroke. what a gift. https://twitter.com/alannabennett/status/1173801829693440000
17 September 2019 : oh my god
17 September 2019 : make it a cardboard cutout of nic cage
17 September 2019 : oh god stay hydrated??? i don't know
17 September 2019 : eden why
17 September 2019 : lol
17 September 2019 : i was applying for a job that asked what my preferred salary would be so i was searching to see if anyone had posted that job's salary, but no one has
17 September 2019 : they really do care about transparency don't they
17 September 2019 : "GIVETOGET_HARDSELL" because once you get to that page it doesn't let you go back to the page you were previously on.
17 September 2019 : glassdoor's redirect to force folks to sign up to use their site is telling on itself in the most hilarious way pic.twitter.com/uyCQtCq7QG
17 September 2019 : hey kells can ya dm me
17 September 2019 : regrettably, i am a righteous gemstones white.
17 September 2019 : thank you!
17 September 2019 : can you email me? taliajanework@gmail.com
17 September 2019 : you’re either a righteous gemstones white or a succession white but you cannot be fully both
17 September 2019 : ~i’m not like other girls~
17 September 2019 : you have come to the right twitterer!!!!!!
17 September 2019 : why he got the milo sunglasses https://twitter.com/41strange/status/1173294220204892160
17 September 2019 : do i need to add i’d be good at choosing where to get lunch? i’m a line cook. it’s a given that i’m better than most.
17 September 2019 : also i’m a total smokeshow, but like, an approachable one
17 September 2019 : working low wage jobs for a decade has made me very comfortable doing menial labor and being the effervescent smartie i am makes me adept at handling non-menial work as well. i can fix your script AND the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom.
17 September 2019 : obviously
17 September 2019 : is anyone in new york looking for a writers assistant? i would be good at that job. i am acutely detail-oriented, i work all the time, and i’m a fun friendly gal who finds deep satisfaction in organizing things and fixing problems.
17 September 2019 : it’ll have to be beck bennett instead
17 September 2019 : when the proletariat seize the means of production i would like to request that we continue airing dancing with the stars but the stars are fascists & billionaires & the whole purpose of dwts is to mock & boo them. it’s like making them fight in the gladiator pit but not bloody.
17 September 2019 : tfw you haven’t been sent to the gulags because the public hasn’t been sufficiently radicalized yet pic.twitter.com/xzzyssF7j6
17 September 2019 : oh god shane gillis would’ve ended up playing sean spicer as a dwts contestant.
17 September 2019 : imagining snl scrambling to fill their cishet white guy quota
17 September 2019 : and i oop https://twitter.com/shanemgillis/status/1173690932832505856
16 September 2019 : they’re talking!
16 September 2019 : imo it’s the standout photo of the set. the textures/colors help the other outfits but that pic is the only one that really *glows* i wonder why they only used a gold reflector on that one
16 September 2019 : the photographer did an incredible job catching all that light. fuh.
16 September 2019 : zoom in on the sweater in pic 2. all of these looks are killer but that sweater is like a sea of pearls. https://twitter.com/janetmock/status/1173622802575810560
16 September 2019 : someone got it for me off my wishlist & as soon as i washed it it turned into that really good towel texture and it’s so good. it’s too hot to keep on though :(
16 September 2019 : you tellin me i can’t even get invited to funko pop-themed weddings now?? damn. hard day for all of us.
16 September 2019 : i wonder which of those things is why you follow her
16 September 2019 : cut to: i’m wandering around my apartment in a bathrobe with pockets lined with toilet paper wads, sniffling and coughing but muttering “monfefo” in different voices like an ancient incantation to cure my cold
16 September 2019 : holy hell that sucks shit. glad you’re shedding that dead weight!
16 September 2019 : unfortunately i cannot and will not
16 September 2019 : monfefo to you good sir pic.twitter.com/8NDaDouVV0
16 September 2019 : wfp endorsed new haven encumbent mayor toni harp, who lost: https://www.courant.com/politics/hc-pol-new-haven-mayor-winner-20190911-egdq27uflza4ha26zqawnbrmn4-story.html
16 September 2019 : replying to stuff is an easy way to rack up them likes
16 September 2019 : the only thing i can think of is smudging the space, or contacting whoever set up the housing to ask if it has a known history of paranormal activity/ask if you can move 😰
16 September 2019 : this news is lowkey woah but the replies to this tweet are highkey lmfao https://twitter.com/workingfamilies/status/1173614425565204480
16 September 2019 : oof if this were a movie i’d be riveted but as it’s real life i’m concerned and hope you can find some sort of resolution??
16 September 2019 : this post is wonderful. i’d wish you luck but it’s clear you’ve got this. let me know if you need anything/if there’s anything i can do to help. solidarity ✊
16 September 2019 : i dreamed up delightful movie starring kristen bell as a presidential candidate :) just like how paul mccartney dreamed up ‘yesterday’ but more culturally significant
16 September 2019 : it’s pressed ginger from the store. 1.5oz. usually ginger, lemon, honey.
16 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/6I8WTQSCEp
16 September 2019 : also: working until 1am every day makes 5am to me like, 9pm to people who work 9 to 5 jobs. don’t take me still being up as an indictment on the medication. this is just my sleep schedule working closing shifts every day ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
16 September 2019 : honestly tho sertraline has prob upped my manic tendencies by about 2% but that’s fine. it’s better than being in an anxiety-depression hole. also the mania only annoys people around me, it doesn’t tear me apart on the inside. plus sertraline makes me okay with being annoying. so
16 September 2019 : texted a shrink at 5am to ask how to get a refill on the medication that’s supposed to make me normal and i only spent 15 minutes agonizing over what to say. it’s all good and normal!
16 September 2019 : it’s an easy character to play and to enjoy. everyone loves the mischievous sidekick.
16 September 2019 : mostly i am just happy to see kieran culkin getting work and getting to play a wacky bad boy/mischievous slacker sibling
16 September 2019 : white peoples
16 September 2019 : i want to tell them they are not veep and they are not mad men and attempting to oscillate between the two is tiring and i don’t care about any of these people or what happens to any of them.
16 September 2019 : 💗 keep pitching and if no one wants them, publish them on medium so at least your ideas are out there and you can look back on finished concepts and see how to grow.
16 September 2019 : succession is lightly humorous like a sassy opener of a new yorker article that thinks it’s hilarious. lets its jokes sit like they’re much bigger than they are. like they’re training me to downgrade my comedic expectations so i will chortle loudly by episode five. but i won’t.
16 September 2019 : my persona is very chaotic and intense and it irritates people but i think if i got hot and semi incoherent enough maybe people would like me
16 September 2019 : should i become thin and only tweet when i’m stoned so everything i say is infused with an air of aspirational cool girl apathy
16 September 2019 : he’s such a good cat! tough as hell, too. as he gets older he’s less inclined to stay out & get into fights but one year he stayed outside during a really bad snowstorm - a neighbor tried getting him to come in & he refused - and he was perfectly fine. icon.
16 September 2019 : the more i think about it the more convinced i am but i can’t risk taking the plunge and becoming wholly devoted to proving the 90 day fiancé casts are 100% small town actors. but every single one of them looks like faces you’d see on a community theater ‘house actors’ board
16 September 2019 : i am assuming you either don’t live in the US or your therapist keeps extremely late hours but either way i hope you have a productive and uplifting session 💗
16 September 2019 : it jives well with my latest piece about being considerate when asking for advice ;)
16 September 2019 : smart 😎
16 September 2019 : we sent our texts ending with “in the year 2019” simultaneously. this is what happens when you’re friends with someone from the internet for five years. cc @deathcab4booty pic.twitter.com/U89D6QR2QS
16 September 2019 : any suggested things to use to avoid bronchitis in the winter? i got it once and now it’s like every time i get a cold in the winter it travels to my chest :(
16 September 2019 : unintentionally did a big lip-flapping sigh as i hit ‘watch now’ on s1e1 of succession. i hate you all but more importantly: i hate myself.
16 September 2019 : gagging pic.twitter.com/om0qeRGpH4
16 September 2019 : that’s an interesting theorum
16 September 2019 : sometimes i make a joke inspired by real events but i change a detail to move it one step away from reality. that lil chuckler about clits? originally it was remote controls :) ~*~ love the craft ~*~
16 September 2019 : i’m trying to use my roommate’s and it’s not working 😩
16 September 2019 : you could say when it comes to geometry you are a bit obtuse
16 September 2019 : love that. thank you!
16 September 2019 : 14 minutes left to vote
16 September 2019 : lol for real though, he lives at the bodega next door
16 September 2019 : can science explain why ginger shots are so effective at ending colds? i’m very pro-medicine and anti-woo yet a ginger shot sets me up so much better than dayquil or theraflu.
16 September 2019 : there should be a support group for folks who begrudgingly started watching this show because you tweeted about it 😪
16 September 2019 : ok it’s officially my day off and i don’t have any freelance work waiting for me so: will i be able to tolerate watching SUCCESSION? [poll]
16 September 2019 : he’s just a neighborhood friend
16 September 2019 : sound on for tyson purring while eating pic.twitter.com/ghNzqSm4t8
16 September 2019 : welp he got in pic.twitter.com/fXzbImEbpo
16 September 2019 : his name is tyson because he will swat at you if you pet him more than he wants to be pet. but he does not swat at me anymore because we’ve been friends for three years. he likes to walk me home, get pets, and then hang out and watch the garbage cans for rats. pic.twitter.com/LMPn7qSw6n
16 September 2019 : his name is tyson and sometimes he sneaks into our building when he doesn’t get back to the bodega before they close for the night and he will just meow in the hallway until someone (usually me) comes down and lets him out.
16 September 2019 : the local bodega cat followed me home and is being very insistent on pets pic.twitter.com/VpGP60eMkA
16 September 2019 : my favorite part of this film is tom cruise’s floating middle tooth https://twitter.com/shawngarrett/status/1173309234529726465
16 September 2019 : it’s a conspiracy https://twitter.com/meganamram/status/1173393294698483712
15 September 2019 : i burned my arm at work and the hello kitty bandaids we have kept slipping off the burn gel so i turned some gloves into a burn condom and if i have to see it so do you pic.twitter.com/1HcWw2gq3h
15 September 2019 : thank u for sharing you beautiful king of twitter 😭🥰💕💗
15 September 2019 : someone riding their bike on the sidewalk dropped an iced coffee they bought at the hip cafe two blocks away directly in front of me and they said “aw shit” and just kept riding. for some reason i expected them to stop and try salvaging the remnants.
15 September 2019 : it’s 2019 we heistin coal trains to agitate for wages https://twitter.com/newyorker/status/1173310943675277312
15 September 2019 : thank you drew
15 September 2019 : i am caught up on the corn pop news and even more confused
15 September 2019 : AHHHH!!!!! congrats!!!
15 September 2019 : reporter: do you have a name? bloom: what’s your name? reporter: michael bloom: *nods* “okay” 😂😂😂 double congrats, @Racheldoesstuff !!!! https://twitter.com/variety/status/1173106440610799616
15 September 2019 : alongside a bunch of medicine i bought a candle in the hopes of utilizing every potential power source that could vanquish my sickness and it turns out the only one i needed was friendship and hot alcohol.
15 September 2019 : her dress is verseis
15 September 2019 : i woke up after a restless few hours of sleep still sick and then my roommate made me a hot toddy and i fell back asleep and woke up again less sick. 🎶that’s the power of love🎶
15 September 2019 : of course it was me
15 September 2019 : pop it on my headstone https://twitter.com/katie_padilla/status/1173261289398984704
15 September 2019 : pls write them
15 September 2019 : i for one am glad to see the threads of ‘funny’ tumblr posts because it allows folks to see where their favorite comedians stole their jokes from
15 September 2019 : call me ❌
15 September 2019 : i thought it was hang loose????
15 September 2019 : if said article contains even a single peplum, it is a bad article
15 September 2019 : yeah for sure
15 September 2019 : i own 2.5 wardrobes - work clothes (mesh shorts, yoga/running pants, t-shirts), normal person clothes (overalls, jeans, patterned button-ups, fun casual stuff), and Maybe I’ll Have A Job Where I Can Wear This clothes (blazers, a few blouses, 1 (one) pair of “slacks”)
15 September 2019 : will do
15 September 2019 : for example, last year i purchased a blouse with the hopes of getting to wear it at an office job but the blouse is no longer ~en vogue~ and i never did figure out what kind of pants to wear with it
15 September 2019 : 😩
15 September 2019 : thank you!
15 September 2019 : i would like an article for low wage workers who need to own two sets of wardrobes (work clothes, normal person clothes) and who want to have a small collection of staple attire that won’t seem outdated *or* drab if/when they get a chance at a less blue collar job.
15 September 2019 : it’s spelled libel
15 September 2019 : why isn’t tom hanks 30 years younger and dating me
15 September 2019 : thread: https://twitter.com/party_harderson/status/1173200399966322688
15 September 2019 : “WE KNOW WHAT WORKS: SUPPORTIVE HOUSING AND AFFORDABLE HOUSING” https://twitter.com/thecityny/status/1173219414428307456
15 September 2019 : these are violence
15 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/qy3OKMLd0e
15 September 2019 : lonk: https://taliabobalia.com/post/77070456022
15 September 2019 : i know i don’t have a villain’s origin story because this post is what got me my first (frist) writing job. pic.twitter.com/UC94k8UCgR
15 September 2019 : who paid kavanaugh’s debt pic.twitter.com/aFulR5PFwQ
15 September 2019 : people would hate you less if you were not willfully a member of a militarized arm of fascism
15 September 2019 : que lástima 😢 https://twitter.com/mattyglesias/status/1173212945263878149
15 September 2019 : seriously pic.twitter.com/aTb7gKcyK3
15 September 2019 : ken do standup
15 September 2019 : hell yeah!!!! hope y’all have a wonderful, luxuriously laid back trip 💕
15 September 2019 : so good
15 September 2019 : i guffawed for real
15 September 2019 : i made $36 in credit card tips on my last check. for 40 hours of work. white brooklyn stays stingy.
15 September 2019 : gentrifiers should pay minimum 25% tip at local eateries as penance for their sins.
15 September 2019 : living*
15 September 2019 : full blown loving teddy bear status
15 September 2019 : is he mocking me
15 September 2019 : her acting in hereditary was honestly so legendary
15 September 2019 : can science explain why my cat likes to lay his head on a pillow & position himself like a person when he sleeps pic.twitter.com/T2jUj6EQ7t
15 September 2019 : a good one that has an okay success rate but lands *hard* when it does land is when folks walk up to the register you say “hello! what’s good?” and before they can respond w like “i’m ok” or w/e, you say “everything! what can i get you?”
15 September 2019 : like when an escalator is turned off and you’re like “it’s broken!” and then you remember that a non-moving escalator is just stairs
15 September 2019 : lol i had a moment when i grabbed the tape like “wait...” and then i remembered that you can write on the tape *before* putting it on stuff, and is in fact my go-to procedure for writing labels, yet somehow labeling a sharpie briefly made my brain break.
15 September 2019 : oy vey
15 September 2019 : another low wage joke: at my smoothie job my coworker (who speaks spanish) asked if i knew where the key to the storage room was and it was sitting right in front of her so i said “está aqui” (está a key) and we hate-laughed at that pristine bilingual pun.
15 September 2019 : here’s a joke i made at my low wage job today: my manager lost her personal sharpie so when i found it i labeled it as hers. she also left her knives in the kitchen for the night so labeled those as her sharpies. on account of they are sharp. hilarious.
15 September 2019 : cuz everyone *has* to work together to get through it and everyone *knows* the work sucks
15 September 2019 : don’t bring us into your need to explain away your own bad behavior. underpaying jobs are not automatic safe spaces for being a shitty person.
15 September 2019 : truly
15 September 2019 : now if you wanna talk about *microaggressions* in low wage jobs, oh boy strap in cuz it’s a doozy.
15 September 2019 : excellent timing on you https://twitter.com/isaacfitzgerald/status/1173113347509800960?s=21
15 September 2019 : that’s like, *acutely* tame
15 September 2019 : good grief
15 September 2019 : oh for sure. i once joked that a mustard labeled “musty” was “named after ya mom” to a coworker & my manager scolded me for it lol
15 September 2019 : deffo. tonight a cust 100% ordered delivery cuz they’re drunk or high & we threw in an extra side of fries w/sauce just cuz ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
15 September 2019 : hahahaha that’s a solid burn. and TWELVE?? were your sides insanely small??
15 September 2019 : yeah in my experience folks who sling that shit get immediately cut out from the collaborative process, if not fired
15 September 2019 : to claim that punching down is okay if you work a low wage job is to indicate 1. you haven’t actually worked a low wage job or 2. you were the guy nobody liked because he was a piece of shit
15 September 2019 : i currently work as a line cook in a restaurant with people who are nonbinary, queer, and/or non-white. the only jokes we make are food puns or when a customer asks to get their sandwich cut in half we chuckle to each other “use your teeth” before cutting said food.
15 September 2019 : and they’re offensive because those offices tend to be predominantly cis, white, and male so there’s no one to tell on them.
15 September 2019 : i have only ever worked shitty jobs and i can’t recall a single time anyone cracked jokes about race or sexuality. a large sector of the low wage workforce is people from marginalized backgrounds. it’s in offices where everyone’s making six figures that the jokes are offensive. pic.twitter.com/phM8Z0lCnL
15 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/D4roNMOg5w
15 September 2019 : this is to say i am sick and i have to work tomorrow and all i wanna do is complain about all the ways i’m dying :( oh shit i get to christen my bathrobe as “i’m a sick sad baby” attire!!!
15 September 2019 : growing up if i had to take cough medicine i’d be given a piece of bread and told to eat it immediately. i assume to prevent the medicine from turning your stomach sour? but i always read it as a palate cleanser.
15 September 2019 : if you’re ever tempted to chase a ginger shot with 30mL of theraflu and then chase that with half a jug of pedialyte may i please suggest that instead you do not do that
15 September 2019 : 😎😎😎
15 September 2019 : acutely
15 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/ggDDVORK0j
15 September 2019 : having a penis thrust in your face at a drunken dorm party may seem like harmless fun.
15 September 2019 : it’s like. it’s terrifying to the point that the only human reaction you can muster to not have a full breakdown is to just laugh it off
15 September 2019 : i am trying to compensate for not feeling well by working harder and i am doing a better job now than i do when i’m not sick and i’m worried i need to be aggrieved at all times to be my best self. once in hs i ran an 8 minute mile without trying because i had period cramps?
14 September 2019 : i am at work and the 💃 pain 👺 has 👣 spread 👨🏽‍🦳 to 2️⃣ my 🔔 chest 🏴‍☠️
14 September 2019 : hell yeah
14 September 2019 : it’s perfect. where ya gunna put it?
14 September 2019 : harry would be so canceled in 2019 https://twitter.com/xliserx/status/1172980597863657472
14 September 2019 : HELL YES
14 September 2019 : it would be funnier if he weren’t in control of our country ☹️
14 September 2019 : “i actually know rihanna”
14 September 2019 : post that dirty starfish sara
14 September 2019 : iconique
14 September 2019 : ikr
14 September 2019 : we are having Fun pic.twitter.com/UOWcuaf5Jx
14 September 2019 : lol of course it’s not (even tho there can only be 1 talia) but still i must know so i can get my recommended daily dose of schadenfreude
14 September 2019 : my avi is so hot
14 September 2019 : water is wet https://twitter.com/foreignpolicy/status/1172661271935815687
14 September 2019 : need to know who it is
14 September 2019 : two weeks is a long time to go without botox
14 September 2019 : hope her mani doesn’t get too chipped during her stay 😢 https://twitter.com/ap/status/1172595655090606080
14 September 2019 : lmao
14 September 2019 : thank you so much for this powerful love 🙏💗✊
14 September 2019 : i am Erect!!!!!!!!! https://twitter.com/bobbidempsey/status/1172927509228396546
14 September 2019 : a tribute to the power of xoxo is i’m going to hang out with someone i met for the first time at xoxo even though i have a sore throat and i work at 4.
14 September 2019 : to ask if i know* hoo got too lost in the wonder
14 September 2019 : a guy on a citibike just approached me to ask if he knows where he can dock it and i was like “uhhhhhhhhhhh no” and now he’s just walk-riding his bike around asking folks if they know where he can dock and i wonder how long he’s had to do this. days? weeks, maybe?
14 September 2019 : 😂😂😂
14 September 2019 : it’s p good
14 September 2019 : imma get carried away!!!!! citizen kane can eat shit!
14 September 2019 : i attempted that and cracked them :(
14 September 2019 : there is no need for this performative posting. the pineapple can’t see. https://twitter.com/mcdavidaggro/status/1172920868143427584
14 September 2019 : i see your wiki and i raise you mine: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Izzy_Gets_the_F*ck_Across_Town
14 September 2019 : mimes push boundaries and they haven’t been funny since the 1920s
14 September 2019 : @JFSculpts (where can i watch this)
14 September 2019 : oh noooo
14 September 2019 : think i’ll have to rewatch it again tonight
14 September 2019 : taxi driver is just incel porn and quite frankly i have very little/no patience for films that exclusively focus on The Internal Turmoil Of The White Cis Man
14 September 2019 : actual lol when she said “why does everything have to be a contest?!” like she hadn’t spent the last 20 minutes of story laying the groundwork for contest
14 September 2019 : i watched it last night for the first time and was blown away by how from the very first *second* the framing & design are all immediately extremely captivating. i didn’t look away from the screen for the first 12 minutes, and when i did it was to tweet that it was amazing
14 September 2019 : absolute genius. the acting. the lighting. the makeup. it’s a brilliant use of all the tools available.
14 September 2019 : as far as just films go, mommie dearest is better than most. it is better than citizen kane.
14 September 2019 : i was legit just thinking “did i leave them on the cactus”
14 September 2019 : as far as films about privileged people who make life miserable for others when things don’t align with their super specific, highly unreasonable expectations go, mommie dearest is waaaaaaaaaaaay better than taxi driver
14 September 2019 : i’m timely!
14 September 2019 : i can confirm they have not been on my head for the past month
14 September 2019 : i’m not providing any other info except that they were expensive and polarized and i had to put a hairband around one of the arms so they’d stop slipping down my face (free life hack!)
14 September 2019 : rip us
14 September 2019 : has anyone seen my sunglasses? they’ve been missing for about a month.
14 September 2019 : even after reading your tweet i still misread it 😩 pic.twitter.com/p863CE8e34
14 September 2019 : I NEED https://twitter.com/yellowcardigan/status/1172895742790447109
14 September 2019 : omg the salinger style!!! i recognize it and love it!!!
14 September 2019 : i 🤡 have 🤝 a 🧚‍♂️ sore 🥀 throat 🥜🏋️‍♂️🚏
14 September 2019 : seriously brilliant. they used makeup/lighting in such a classic yet inventive way. she becomes feral right before your eyes.
14 September 2019 : the entire wire hangers/clean up this mess scene is a work of art top to bottom. wow.
14 September 2019 : y’all never heard of steak tartare?
14 September 2019 : it has sort of snuck up on us, hasn’t it? maybe there will be a new phrase like “scavenge your soul”
14 September 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if i want later i can add some leaves or flowers around it but pretty funny to look like a smudge
14 September 2019 : i’ve never seen it before and i’m blown away by how immediately captivating it is
14 September 2019 : thank you so much!!! i hope it helps answer questions, ease some anxiety, or at least is an interesting read!
14 September 2019 : mommie dearest is on hulu
14 September 2019 : so the tattoo artist def dug too deep and made the ink bleed before i was like “imma pass out” ☹️ but now i have a fun extra feature that’ll make people question if it’s a real tattoo!!! also a coworker wrote “uwu” in it 2nite pic.twitter.com/fSFlRA63WH
14 September 2019 : and he knows it pic.twitter.com/8jO42F4UVo
14 September 2019 : how will i ever get ahead if my aunts and a guy i worked with for two months six years ago who likes all my posts don’t pound that thumb up???
14 September 2019 : i cannot remember my facebook login to post a plug to my article and am panting with anxiety over those 3 lost likes
14 September 2019 : $
14 September 2019 : he smells like shit pic.twitter.com/7AWKtVWxas
14 September 2019 : let’s just live at rev hall. squatter’s rights!
14 September 2019 : wish i could afford to be at xoxo year-round
14 September 2019 : realized today why i’ve been feeling acutely depressed. i spent four solid days hanging out with awesome people and now my serotonin has to readjust to the ebbs and flows of... just... life. that post-xoxo crash is real as HELL and i can’t wait to go through it again next year.
14 September 2019 : also amazed two darlings here got to stay in (see if you can spot them) pic.twitter.com/vEYr0SSp6b
14 September 2019 : 👏 NO 👏 WORRIES 👏 IF 👏 NOT pic.twitter.com/61oRmN7RtO
14 September 2019 : for those i spoke with who are nervous about asking for help, you can and should certainly shoot your shot. one person i spoke with - @useless_weirdo - detailed how much research he put in to asking an established figure a question. he didn’t hear back, but not for lack of trying
14 September 2019 : i interviewed about 15 people for this piece - only 3 made it in. from talking with people who have had their brains picked, the general consensus is that people will help if what you’re asking for is something they can specifically address
14 September 2019 : i reread the “you have to try” quote from @lisadraws at least a dozen times because it is so gently motivational and sweet while also being absolute truth. pic.twitter.com/0fRZMpoLVs
14 September 2019 : i delve into important social analysis on how our understanding of showing initiative is based in an outdated, mid-century model of the american landscape. but i cannot believe that my little made up quote about BLORGCORP also got to stay in. pic.twitter.com/Ad50IatoDk
14 September 2019 : i could not email the link of the piece to aminatou sow because it includes in the url “pick-your-brain” which would likely flag as spam, which i find just so profoundly funny.
14 September 2019 : the first of which being: in the article i talk about how i instagram DMed my resume to Nick Kroll (because i found out on ig you can just...dm anyone?). i mentioned this both because it’s relevant and because if he has google alerts for his name he will see my article
14 September 2019 : i am off work and can now engage in my traditional post-article ‘things i wanna point out’ ritual https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1172605319438094336
14 September 2019 : it’s true
14 September 2019 : hi hello again please read and share this so it gets lots of hits and then maybe i get a job lol
14 September 2019 : all the way buddy
14 September 2019 : my dream https://twitter.com/joeberkowitz/status/1172680062438707200
13 September 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
13 September 2019 : also shoutout to me for missing my train stop to work because i was busy promoting my work. a little on the nose there, life!
13 September 2019 : big thanks to @aminatou , @lisadraws & @adamconover 4 letting me ~pick their brains~ and to @caseyjohnston for editing this into something readable! 💕💗💕
13 September 2019 : hi hello i wrote about the ‘grab coffee & pick your brain’ networking trend, its origins, why established figures hate the phrase, & what you can do to boost your chances of getting advice you need!! https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/59nd3d/actually-it-can-hurt-to-ask-someone-to-grab-coffee-and-pick-their-brain
13 September 2019 : imagine the scandal
13 September 2019 : lmfao
13 September 2019 : holy shit this is the funniest joke of the whole debate https://twitter.com/josh_hammer/status/1172328563070005248
13 September 2019 : 😈
13 September 2019 : lmao
13 September 2019 : no
13 September 2019 : lmao
13 September 2019 : egg substitute is so funny it’s just different starches pretending to be eggs. it’s like the first time i drew my eyebrows hoping it’d help the hollywood crowd i’d be meeting think i was normal enough to talk to them
13 September 2019 : gimme money jesse
13 September 2019 : 🙏✊💕 thank u raf
13 September 2019 : so get your shit together and lemme love u
13 September 2019 : i *am* here to make friends
13 September 2019 : i figured out how to share embedded tweets it’s all over now y’all
13 September 2019 : when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie pic.twitter.com/uUnNMlgIMP
13 September 2019 : it was not a gas leak but now i’m hanging out with my neighbors at a bar whattuuuuuup
13 September 2019 : ooo there’s a gas leak in my building ooo
13 September 2019 : met @sharilyn at the live stream of the #demdebates cuz she follows me and i was yelling a lot and come to find out she’s a local artist with open studios coming up soon!!!!!! whaaaaaat!!! pic.twitter.com/vh1lWcpWQV
13 September 2019 : thoughts on boycotting the upcoming kickstarter film festival in solidarity with workers laid off for agitating for a union?
13 September 2019 : someone please notify me when we figure out what the protesters were yelling
13 September 2019 : baffling take coming outta the 1960s https://twitter.com/anandwrites/status/1172338430593982464
13 September 2019 : why is this debate still going pic.twitter.com/vwUIC6oy2O
13 September 2019 : would america ever elect a president whose ear piercings are not perfectly even because they were done by a sales associate at claire’s who surely was traumatized by having to puncture people’s skin for minimum wage? asking for a friend
13 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/W9oEv8Q3hn
13 September 2019 : even if they are qanon you gotta hand it to em!
13 September 2019 : i don’t know what the protestors are saying but in terms of interrupting a nationally telivised presidential debate i am fully in favor of them!!!!!
13 September 2019 : truly they did the research on each candidate’s history
13 September 2019 : you are better than i
13 September 2019 : i am glad and relieved!!!!
13 September 2019 : update they left because they are tired and they gave me the rest of their beer. make friends with strangers 2020 pic.twitter.com/35OwszHp1W
13 September 2019 : i drank too much these are my tweets now
13 September 2019 : i already am baby!!!!
13 September 2019 : “dagnabit!” - presidential candidate cory booker
13 September 2019 : the moderators tonight are so much better than those chuds asking republican talking points at the last debate holy hell
13 September 2019 : omg!!!!!!
13 September 2019 : i yelled “reparations!” at joe biden and someone in the theater yelled “YES” i don’t know any of these people but i’m having a ball
13 September 2019 : drink every time a candidate says “i want to be very clear”
13 September 2019 : (turns out this account is sitting one row ahead of me and thus has been subjected to all my yellings)
13 September 2019 : i did this https://twitter.com/sharilyn/status/1172300511438991360?s=21
13 September 2019 : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cs3Pvmmv0E
13 September 2019 : i’m closing in on three months and i’m so much the same person but like a Deluxe version
13 September 2019 : offended this perfect tweet did not go viral
13 September 2019 : THANK YOU it was a stroke of luck on a weekend full of surprising myself by looking like a human!!!!
13 September 2019 : apologies for appearing above your head like a sleep paralysis nightmare! let’s meet in the bar after!!
13 September 2019 : i’m in the second row!!
13 September 2019 : is sertraline making me the life of the party? or has sertraline allowed me to become the life of the party i’ve always been?
13 September 2019 : if you’re here i’m in the theater come say hi!
13 September 2019 : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cs3Pvmmv0E
13 September 2019 : i am!
13 September 2019 : update she’s team warren and agrees with me that warren and bernie should run as co-president
13 September 2019 : i became friends with them. they are a couple spending $20/hr on a babysitter to go out and have told me i can have some of their beer but i told them they should drink it all to maximize their babysitter costs.
13 September 2019 : i yelled “we made it to the commercial break” and a bunch of people clapped i’m thriving in this theater drunkenly heckling the debates. too bad for the gal sitting next to me who hates *all* of this imma become her friend now
13 September 2019 : thank u for validating meeeeee
13 September 2019 : the secret is forgetting you’re wearing white
13 September 2019 : i am trying to do curses on my enemies but the forces of darkness keep telling me i’m not allowed to be a meanie https://twitter.com/redlisam/status/1172317766755315713
13 September 2019 : i know
13 September 2019 : wore a white shirt to drink red wine and eat grilled cheese with tomato soup and didn’t get a single stain. i am too powerful. pic.twitter.com/gdl2myZr64
13 September 2019 : biden says sandy hook went from a cause to a movement without realizing it’s because he was an ineffective leader of the senate during his time as veep to get legislation to change things. movements happen because those in charge won’t fucking do their jobs.
13 September 2019 : out!
13 September 2019 : pete & amy definitely worked as hall monitors in high school and took great satisfaction in doling our tardy tickets
13 September 2019 : why isn’t kamala running as a republican
13 September 2019 : not to insult waffles but warren kinda waffled when asked how her m4a plan would be covered :(
13 September 2019 : this is a very pro-warren theater
13 September 2019 : i led the theater in booing when klobuchar said “houston, we have a problem”
13 September 2019 : oh i kinda like watching the debates in a theater? i can cheer and boo like i’m watching a movie while knowing my viewing will not improve the nielsen ratings of said debate
12 September 2019 : yeah bad time to come through but funny to see folks who don’t need to wear gloves wearing gloves
12 September 2019 : lmaoooooo pic.twitter.com/yA7q3Hby7Q
12 September 2019 : woah the health department is here (for a very routine checkup that every food establishment has to go through. i am just amazed because they don’t typically come this late, everyone knows they tap out by 6.)
12 September 2019 : syndicated played jeopardy before switching over to cnn ahead of the debate and i’m tempted to ask them to switch back? pic.twitter.com/vOsEGlocwT
12 September 2019 : i have the app solely to monitor a client’s page so i can see/respond to any new comments quickly, with a ghost account that has zero friends/posts/etc. makes it aggressively clear how facebook is so blatantly just data collection instead of functional social media.
12 September 2019 : i can’t see comments on my posts when i view my notifications, but i *can* get a push notification that i have a new notification (which is just ‘find more friends’ or ‘haven’t heard from you in awhile’) every time i unlock my phone if i haven’t unlocked my phone in 30 minutes
12 September 2019 : insane that facebook can have so much control over our lives when it’s built on such acutely terrible code that makes the ux practically unusable
12 September 2019 : *cheves knives
12 September 2019 : i got through two before my shoulder made my arm go numb :( but that’s two more than yesterday!
12 September 2019 : working from home means sharpening all of my roommate’s knives. thanks again @the_mckern for teaching me how to do this + giving me your old gear!!! pic.twitter.com/aziv8nfbn9
12 September 2019 : ohhhhh shit
12 September 2019 : the new york times pic.twitter.com/xtamjRhJTI
12 September 2019 : oh my god they're all like this pic.twitter.com/8SCY9HOwcb
12 September 2019 : holy hell this slaps https://twitter.com/girlziplocked/status/1172166489933303809
12 September 2019 : dasani is trash frfr
12 September 2019 : can you describe what water tastes like? i cannot.
12 September 2019 : i’m also curious as to how much big tobacco is paying to get juul banned
12 September 2019 : i am but one small child but https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1171865343041638400?s=21
12 September 2019 : that said, i would love to write for 90 day fiancé
12 September 2019 : i have a theory that every single person on 90 day fiancé is an actor cast for the role of a maniac
12 September 2019 : a find my iphone feature for the clit
12 September 2019 : ya poopé
12 September 2019 : millennials vs boomers pic.twitter.com/QY4JngDWil
12 September 2019 : i have been attempting to review/adjust edits made to a google doc and the comments/edits aren't showing up in the doc. i would really like to be able to do my work. anyone have info on why this is happening/how to fix?
12 September 2019 : lmaoooooooo
12 September 2019 : mofongo mo problems
12 September 2019 : tag yourself i'm the handshake https://twitter.com/devtesla/status/1132101053929984000
12 September 2019 : i found mofongo chips at the bodega for $1.50 and it's providing profound joy. don't ask me what mofongo is. just google it.
12 September 2019 : couples that call each other “baby” deserve all the pain and suffering that will inevitably befall them.
12 September 2019 : my other new coworker is from the south bay and we bonded over the best taco truck (the one in pedro with the restaurant) as well as lbjs :’)
12 September 2019 : hahahahahahhaha
12 September 2019 : lmao
12 September 2019 : OH MY
12 September 2019 : they kept saying that and i was like no! poopar!
12 September 2019 : lmao thank you!!!
12 September 2019 : coworkers are fans of the empty banner. first coworker wrote ‘xoxo’ after i told them the schpiel about the artist trying to kill me via needle. second one wrote ‘ass’ pic.twitter.com/IUr9cMwJTP
12 September 2019 : no?
12 September 2019 : i asked my coworker to only speak spanish with me so i can get better and i couldn’t remember the word for pooping so now it’s poopar and my coworker hates me
12 September 2019 : you can infer
12 September 2019 : i have a joke about how they look like the twin towers in this pic but tweeting it would bring the NSA to my door https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1171733174101131264
12 September 2019 : wait what happened
12 September 2019 : @EvanJKessler ^^^
11 September 2019 : so you can hit snooze and sleep for another four hours right https://twitter.com/abbygracewriter/status/1171923006362464256
11 September 2019 : we’ll party to it but will never be party to it :(
11 September 2019 : lmao he for sure told them they’re not allowed to smile cuz they didn’t win
11 September 2019 : holy fuck
11 September 2019 : *gestures at hiroshima & nagasaki*
11 September 2019 : sounds like high time for an uber work stoppage strike. if drivers aren’t employees, uber won’t be hurting if they stop working. https://twitter.com/faizsays/status/1171865967321702400
11 September 2019 : seriously, he's fascinating.
11 September 2019 : every news item i've seen about the vaping-related deaths mentioned that the folks hospitalized were using 1. weed cartridges 2. they got off the street. the solution is just legalize weed nationwide so its products can be regulated and consumers have a wider variety of choices. https://twitter.com/CNBCnow/status/1171827460712935424
11 September 2019 : it's like offensively stereotypical
11 September 2019 : more of this please https://twitter.com/latimes/status/1171855622402445314
11 September 2019 : softens it to help marinate
11 September 2019 : https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1017629-chinese-smashed-cucumbers-with-sesame-oil-and-garlic
11 September 2019 : happy birthday, 9/11!
11 September 2019 : when your pet is laying on their side and they stretch all their legs out straight in front of them like a ghost just said something shockingly offensive: it’s a good time
11 September 2019 : i dedicate this tweet to @robdelaney
11 September 2019 : employees be like 'we just wanna buy groceries' and employers be like 'but what if instead we just keep flushing millions down the toilet so we can jump into the ocean like scrooge mcduck'
11 September 2019 : 9/11 is old enough to vote now and it wants medicare for all
11 September 2019 : f r e e h i m pic.twitter.com/ZyrmxXFfUm
11 September 2019 : i work nights so 4am to me is like 8pm to someone who works a 9 to 5.
11 September 2019 : my roommate thought my cat was on the couch not moving or responding for like two hours the other day before she realized it was her bra
11 September 2019 : we cannot stand to have the passage of time move ever-forward. simply cannot have it.
11 September 2019 : hulu won’t let me watch the 90 day fiancé: before the 90 days season 1 tellall or any of season 2 so i guess that means i have to turn on my computer and get some work done :((((
11 September 2019 : i’ve already got a thesis in mind
11 September 2019 : gotta sweep the air that’s how climate happens https://twitter.com/bizmichael/status/1171683817246998528
11 September 2019 : agreed
11 September 2019 : they’re super easy to make + benefit from sitting overnight so they’re good for parties but for me it’s just fun to bang em with the rolling pin
11 September 2019 : thank you! the guests *devoured* it
11 September 2019 : yep :)
11 September 2019 : it’s hypnotic to do, too. same with cutting tons of onions.
11 September 2019 : also that’s not my personal acct, i rarely update or check it, and my settings on twitter require you to follow me + have your info verified for me to see your comments so if you wanna troll me immediately u gotta subject yourself to my content constantly 😈
11 September 2019 : they marinate in some oil and spices and make for a fresh, yummy lil side dish!
11 September 2019 : here’s me banging cucumbers at work last week if you’d like to call me suspiciously fat because i have encountered food despite not being able to afford to live on the wages of a full time job three years ago at a company that still does not pay its workers a living wage. pic.twitter.com/n5VnZPMhFm
11 September 2019 : here’s a beautiful charcuterie board i made for work in 2017 if anyone wants to spam it with criticisms about how i must have been lying in 2016 because they just got out of a coma and have a lot of trolling to catch up on pic.twitter.com/A49JQB6TJg
11 September 2019 : i avoid seitan at work cuz it’s a brick so the food i actually eat on the job is usually like, some kale or arugula with a bit of tofu. but working in kitchens means you get a guaranteed *meal* every shift, which is an incredibly valuable asset in response to food insecurity.
11 September 2019 : hahahahaha
11 September 2019 : also this burger wasn’t even for me, it was for a customer 😂 i’m just proud of my work!! here’s another pic that has weird boob-shaped shadows so you can see how absolutely bonkers stacked this bad boy was. pic.twitter.com/y36p8aSFa8
11 September 2019 : i dunno why they happen in spurts like this but the further from 2016 they crop up the more ridiculous they look.
11 September 2019 : i asked the guy if i could take a pic before we packed it for him cuz it was such a stacked lil hottie.
11 September 2019 : “oh i thought you were starving this doesn’t look like rice” it’s been three years and i make food for a living now. fun fact: i make more as a part time line cook in nyc than i did as a full-time customer support rep at yelp, which still aggressively underpays its workers.
11 September 2019 : randomly got a splurt of trolls on a photo of a burger i made *at work, for a customer* from july 2019 and i’m so baffled that folks still think it’s february 2016. pic.twitter.com/2ZFTlJXmkT
11 September 2019 : goofy’s packin
11 September 2019 : i love my cats but part of me can’t wait for them to die so i can live out of a backpack and just wander around instead of working to keep them/me fed and housed and safe. on second thought it’s probably better for me that they never die.
11 September 2019 : jesse 100% draws his brows in right
11 September 2019 : i know a handful of folks with locked thirst accts you gotta pay to follow
11 September 2019 : oh hell yes
11 September 2019 : can we talk about how jesse told darcey she wears too much makeup and in the next interview clip she was wearing a ton of pale makeup talking about how you have to make changes for love
11 September 2019 : the end is so good
11 September 2019 : it’s long as hell
11 September 2019 : incredible
11 September 2019 : wait did this gif change from him running away to monty python
11 September 2019 : omg!!!
11 September 2019 : this guy had a nervous breakdown because his 2-week’s girlfriend’s family cooked pork and he was scared it would give him “diarrhea problems.”
11 September 2019 : the guy who ran into the woods because he couldn’t handle the experience of emotions is disappointed that he didn’t get an opportunity to fight a machete-wielding mugger
11 September 2019 : waking up early is against the laws of nature. who are you to be up before the sun, which is literally the center of our solar system and responsible for our ability to exist? you think you’re better than the sun? fuck off
11 September 2019 : i haven’t gotten far enough in that one
11 September 2019 : he literally took her around to people who he describes as “direct” so they can bash her about her age and he can just sit there like “i hear you” while she tries defending herself
11 September 2019 : “hello, eggplant? this is chris. i’m a cop and you’re under arrest.”
11 September 2019 : “Caption this if you have the fucking guts”
11 September 2019 : pics of *you*!
11 September 2019 : can we talk about the dj who flew to paris to see a woman whose summary of their relationship is “he followed me on ig & then a year ago he said he wanted to visit paris and then a few weeks ago he said he booked his ticket and now he’s here and i don’t know what to do”
11 September 2019 : i think jesse is a male escort who’s being paid to pretend to be a normal guy who fell in love with a woman twice his age
11 September 2019 : her parents just being like “ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she’s dumb but we love her” and antonio’s friend just roasting the hell out of her
11 September 2019 : the cortney storyline is the funniest/saddest one
11 September 2019 : this is the funniest show on the planet pic.twitter.com/tU458ysJGI
10 September 2019 : when the proletariat finally tears down capitalism and we’re preparing to eat all the billionaires i’d like to request that they be put in a lobster tank so i can pick mine out and tap on the glass a lot
10 September 2019 : yeah but clearly had been unwrapped & looked at
10 September 2019 : i struggled to decode that lol i was like “cue them are what?”
10 September 2019 : we did it. the patriarchy is finally over. https://twitter.com/cnn/status/1171380763973050368
10 September 2019 : ✨ 💗 be 💕 the 💗 ✨ 💕mister 💗 rogers 💕 ✨💕you 💕 want to 💕 see ✨ 💗✨ in ✨ the ✨ world ✨💗
10 September 2019 : like he’s got some woo vibes but that’s from making the conscious choice to operate from a place of kindness for decades, like he beat the final boss and became SuperKind. this is to say that mister rogers is not an unachievable or inaccessible singular person.
10 September 2019 : i was reading an article about mister rogers last night and it occurred to me that the last time i behaved from a place of negativity it took me a lot of effort and it felt really gross, and how operating from that place is a learned behavior that can be unlearned.
10 September 2019 : they bricked mine :(
10 September 2019 : they look like hotel soaps
10 September 2019 : hahahahahahahahahaha
10 September 2019 : 😍😍😍 where/when is it lol
10 September 2019 : can i come specifically for this
10 September 2019 : try to explain xoxo to people using just photos of yourself from xoxo here’s mine pic.twitter.com/PTK63w0ZC4
10 September 2019 : caroline is lucky to have been friends with such a sharp, sensitive, empathetic writer
10 September 2019 : these women are like extreme opposites on the spectrum of the idea that you should be careful being friends with writers because they’ll write about you
10 September 2019 : gimme a new SE
10 September 2019 : i don’t give a fuck about any new apple products until they reintroduce phones for tiny baby hands
10 September 2019 : this is the only thing that matters right now https://www.thecut.com/2019/09/the-story-of-caroline-calloway-and-her-ghostwriter-natalie.html
10 September 2019 : i’m gunna repackage every news item to be a reference to harry potter and watch the millions pour in
10 September 2019 : holy fuck
10 September 2019 : you’re speaking my soul
10 September 2019 : well the tsa didn’t care about me bringing knives to portland but they sure cared about me bringing knives to nyc pic.twitter.com/RKy0DhW5Z5
10 September 2019 : honestly blessed for us https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1168545112256897024?s=21
10 September 2019 : WHYYYYYYY
10 September 2019 : yes
10 September 2019 : meanwhile, kenobi is fully icing me out. i was gone for *four* days. massive drama queens. pic.twitter.com/yfj9IkpWaL
10 September 2019 : i got home at 7:30am and this guy has been so clingy, meowing incessantly for pets. pic.twitter.com/LbebEW1b4Z
10 September 2019 : wow this is damning
10 September 2019 : you’re welcome :)
10 September 2019 : he’s so proud of himself 😭😭😭
10 September 2019 : ohhhh @adamconover have u seen?
10 September 2019 : wow sick
10 September 2019 : it’s weed.
10 September 2019 : it encouraged a surprise solidarity from an older woman who i had earlier overheard complaining about women who wear yoga pants (“i raised my daughters to dress with dignity”) (????) but she asked where i got it & said her daughter’s a public defender who’d really like one
10 September 2019 : true on all counts. is it true the scanners & dogs can detect like, bomb stuff or harder drugs but don’t flag for weed?
10 September 2019 : she also spotted my ‘abolish prison’ button and i anticipated some tension but instead she said it makes sense & it’s a shame folks who’ve done their time don’t get to be integrated as ppl, esp re: firefighting while locked up.
10 September 2019 : wow that’s insane. but also if ny legalized i can’t imagine it’d be any better than the stuff you get shipped, aside from it being more convenient.
10 September 2019 : i got them for a friend in pdx who i forgot to give them to before leaving so i was worried i’d get arrested for my ‘it’s the thought that counts’ would-be gifts or i’d have to toss them but nope, they’re in the big apple now.
10 September 2019 : i brought so much weed to new york through my carryon. in seattle the tsa x-ray flagged a container of weed truffles and when the tsa agent took them out of my bag and examined the container, which is covered in marijuana leaves and clearly states it’s weed food, she shrugged.
10 September 2019 : the humidity is so much but i can hear my pores cheering
10 September 2019 : good morning at last, new york. pic.twitter.com/6omQ3UFIIk
10 September 2019 : lmao
10 September 2019 : it was nice to be here. good time of year to be in the pnw!
10 September 2019 : where’s the rest of it pic.twitter.com/imZKeGNkjr
10 September 2019 : if seattle loved me then seattle would let me go
10 September 2019 : thank you 💗
10 September 2019 : anyway it’s this piece and it’s got me reeeeeal suspicious https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/09/nyregion/building-violations-fines-debt.html
10 September 2019 : while neighbors nark, it seems suspicious that the problem would escalate so dramatically with the result being homeowners at risk of homelessness because of existing unauthorized work, deliberately confusing/obscure information on addressing the issues, etc.
10 September 2019 : i could so easily see the law staying as is to push out homeowners to remodel entire neighborhoods, or have it revoked entirely to the benefit of big contractors. one part that stood out was the initial citations are usually the result of neighbors narking.
10 September 2019 : although i read this article in the nytimes about how snowballing “failure to comply” tickets largely target homeowners and the entire piece doesn’t pass my smell test. it paints the issue in binary - small vs big - without examining further.
10 September 2019 : my flight that would get me to nyc at 6am and was scheduled to board at 9:09 changed gates three times and pushed boarding back to... well it was supposed to start a few minutes ago. but i have snacks and sertraline, so i’m having a groovy lil chill.
10 September 2019 : damn right it was
10 September 2019 : sure
10 September 2019 : this is the best joke about xoxo damn it
10 September 2019 : breathing an ego-fueled sigh of relief that jenny slate is engaged and therefore unavailable to date other generically hot cishet celebrities who i wouldn’t have a shot with even if i did for whatever reason happen to meet them
10 September 2019 : look pic.twitter.com/2duNlGlWNg
10 September 2019 : this sleeping duck looks like it stalled while loading pic.twitter.com/YljAwGErPc
10 September 2019 : god i’m gorgeous https://twitter.com/andrew_pomeroy/status/1171234400106729473
10 September 2019 : not quite!
10 September 2019 : ohhh it’s so good. sweet but not too sweet. v satisfying.
10 September 2019 : thank you 💗💗💗💗
10 September 2019 : i have acquired my first sukiyaki since 2006 and now i am a fat happy baby ready to nap. pic.twitter.com/sjDdPlSjd6
10 September 2019 : ahhh true true, i was thinking as just from the perspective of a buyer, not a seller
10 September 2019 : lmaoooo
9 September 2019 : this is a great advertisement for deleting single-use, web-accessible apps
9 September 2019 : christ
9 September 2019 : 🎶 pluggin makes me feel good 🎶
9 September 2019 : pic.twitter.com/nTGRyePt3Z
9 September 2019 : can’t wait to be back in calm, stable new york city.
9 September 2019 : gross. as soon as my plane landed the folks in my row were practically climbing over me to get out. i grabbed my stuff and moved to the row next to me and sat down just to wait out the madness.
9 September 2019 : it’s like a parody of people who are running late to their flights, or using the fact that they’re on a schedule to just be really intense.
9 September 2019 : i’m in the bathroom getting all my pent-up farts out and everyone is aggressively flushing and slamming doors. isn’t weed legal here.
9 September 2019 : the energy in seattle’s airport is.... needlessly chaotic. repressed rage. everyone just needs to chill tf out.
9 September 2019 : what’s being canadian got to do with it
9 September 2019 : i’ll take note of that. thank you 💗💗💗
9 September 2019 : 💗💗💗 thank you you blessed gem
9 September 2019 : talia style includes asking for love
9 September 2019 : joel
9 September 2019 : the queen returns!!!!
9 September 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
9 September 2019 : i love how banks weight withdrawals so smaller stuff goes through ahead of bigger stuff so they can manufacture an overdraft and collect those fees ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
9 September 2019 : my flight just boarded finally & it’s an hour flight but i’ve got a 7-hour layover in seattle that’ll certainly require i obtain foods and i deeply appreciate the help!!!! i think the plane smells like lasagna too. am i having a stroke?
9 September 2019 : thank you so much!!! i’m so glad my rent didn’t bother processing until several days after i submitted it so of course my Actual Balance was way different than what was showing 🤦🏻‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/tKLrhfLtSD
9 September 2019 : i am lactose intolerant but i still throw down for dairy
9 September 2019 : hahaha thank you 💗
9 September 2019 : 😭😭😭😭 thank u also wow your username is incredible
9 September 2019 : omg!!! thank you!!!!
9 September 2019 : i don’t know but it’s an airport so i assume $1,000,000
9 September 2019 : alas this is a connecting flight
9 September 2019 : sarah palin on the hunt for some DICK pic.twitter.com/4I08BBplnJ
9 September 2019 : YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
9 September 2019 : the airport smells like delicious lasagna but i can’t eat cuz i only have $5.98 in my bank account also my flight is delayed and this is torture
9 September 2019 : will this do pic.twitter.com/1mTEBT7up2
9 September 2019 : anyway! normal stuff!
9 September 2019 : 😱😁😁😁😁
9 September 2019 : the real horror is how many people would engage directly with the puppet, and how easy it was to become the puppet, as i pleaded with people to kill me.
9 September 2019 : did so many weird things this weekend i forgot i put a daniel tiger-type puppet on my hand & went around a party with a backstory that the puppet was immortal bc a witch cursed him & all he wanted was to die so he spent his days asking ppl if they could put him out of his misery
9 September 2019 : hi hello i have left but pls don’t forget to paypal (in bio)/venmo/cash app (both taliajane) for last night, my beloved tat twin!
9 September 2019 : it is okay we will work through this as wusband and hife
9 September 2019 : it’s so much more effective it’s wild. i used a waterpik a few days ago that made my gums bleed in a few spots and using hp as a rinse like immediately improved the situation. also it keeps your breath fresh for longer?!
9 September 2019 : bummer cuz you were hilarious and fun :(
9 September 2019 : 0 faves 0 rts
9 September 2019 : couldn’t find mouth wash at the convenience store so i got hydrogen peroxide, which tbh works better than normal mouth washes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
9 September 2019 : leaving some normal stuff behind in the hotel room pic.twitter.com/gIhHzuE9LB
9 September 2019 : parker
9 September 2019 : starbucks is hiring https://twitter.com/jordanuhl/status/1171116751469371394
9 September 2019 : thank u papa
9 September 2019 : the retweet bot unintentionally boosting my shamelessness to its followers will never stop being funny to me
9 September 2019 : ah, perf pic.twitter.com/hyqDrF4ioy
9 September 2019 : yes xoxo is over but you haven’t missed your chance on experiencing the two coolest parts of xoxo: falling in love with me and/or giving me $12,000 to pay off my student loans
9 September 2019 : lol oh god my first tat was on my wrist and when it hit the bone i was like HELLO
9 September 2019 : always
9 September 2019 : some early options pic.twitter.com/20rhisJISn
9 September 2019 : lmao
9 September 2019 : dope
9 September 2019 : possible but i got lightheaded during the process, which i’ve never experienced before but all my other tattoos are on my forearms where the skin is much tougher
9 September 2019 : no
9 September 2019 : lol i took off my bandage and my tattoo is bruising. my body is such a wimp!! pic.twitter.com/Aki59BkJxn
9 September 2019 : CHAMBERLAND LIVES!
9 September 2019 : you honestly could not have picked a more fitting song.
9 September 2019 : will also miss informing people that i’m 100% sober and “i’m just *like* this”
9 September 2019 : water polo playing date rape lookin ass
9 September 2019 : gunna miss being told “big fan of your tweets” and then i grab my name tag to hold it up and say “are you sure”
9 September 2019 : lmao what a joke
9 September 2019 : tragic! have a safe flight 🥰
9 September 2019 : solidarity ✊
9 September 2019 : @nuncamind are u still around/down for some complimentary coffee?
9 September 2019 : good morning, i did not wash my face before bed and i have $5.98 in my bank account so we are sliding back to our regularly scheduled programming without missing a beat. at least i got to be a person for a weekend. pic.twitter.com/fXLqPjtXQb
9 September 2019 : @pkkaos hello are you still here/conscious?
9 September 2019 : https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1170810324238266368?s=21
9 September 2019 : flew too close to the sun!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/khRWu1JT89
9 September 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
9 September 2019 : ya they wound up at a bar that’s closing soon. dunno what, if anything, folks are doing after. probably bed lol
9 September 2019 : alas!!!!!!
9 September 2019 : possibly! all my others are on my forearms, this one on my inner upper arm
9 September 2019 : exactly!
9 September 2019 : are you at the bar situation?
9 September 2019 : i was gunna get a banner with ‘xoxo’ in it but the fates intervened and while taking a breather i realized it’d be funnier to just have an empty banner that i can put whatever i want in it
9 September 2019 : i had to take a break because i started getting lightheaded?? this is a first
9 September 2019 : hello drew!!!!
9 September 2019 : @pkkaos come soon neck tat guy just left!
9 September 2019 : we are waiting to get tattoos pic.twitter.com/5VB3YRYH9s
9 September 2019 : it’s not loading for me >:[ anyone else?
9 September 2019 : and closing out karaoke at xoxo 2019 is @notdetails with the ghostbusters theme song, brought down the HOUSE. pic.twitter.com/6zcEg7LnFh
9 September 2019 : i literally texted you asking if you were here and then i saw you were on stage lmao
9 September 2019 : my girl @justkelly_ok out here!!!!! pic.twitter.com/0ExBy98flB
9 September 2019 : the andys are singing supertramp!!!! the supertrampessaince is upon us!!!!! pic.twitter.com/O9sGVopjBF
9 September 2019 : unnecessary comment! also kelly uses block lists that auto block the followers of gross people so maybe check who you’re following!
9 September 2019 : also if anyone at #xoxofest wants a hug from me or whatever i am fully amenable to that!
9 September 2019 : it’s me, she’s talking about me. https://twitter.com/justkelly_ok/status/1170916215931359232
9 September 2019 : holy fuck open mike eagle is here???????? !!!!!!! @sammusmusic does that mean you’re here too????
9 September 2019 : thank u @electrolemon for performing welcome to the jungle, which i was gunna sign up to do but couldn’t cuz the signups are full! pic.twitter.com/1u0z8Tm1Ka
9 September 2019 : hey xoxo last chance to fall in love with me and/or pay off my student loans send $12,000 to http://paypal.me/taliajane for either/both options!!!!!
9 September 2019 : @emilywithcurls
9 September 2019 : it’s the closing party and it’s bringin out the best in us all pic.twitter.com/tKVveF3eoS
9 September 2019 : thank you!!! i’m having a lotta look luck this weekend!!
9 September 2019 : can u BELIEVE? i’m so used to looking beat from work it’s actively jarring 😂
9 September 2019 : manic panic!!
9 September 2019 : thx traitor!
9 September 2019 : thank you queen i am humbled in your magnificent presence 🙏🙏🙏😭😭😭😭💗💗💗💗
9 September 2019 : truly
9 September 2019 : gettin a lotta eye makeup compliments so worth saying it’s 100% inspired by @IjeomaOluo , who is the queen of the eye makeup game pic.twitter.com/by13fv1ZEn
8 September 2019 : so ANYWAY if anyone would like to meet up i am at martha’s and hopefully i will not fall into working pic.twitter.com/FMbnODnBXX
8 September 2019 : https://us.asos.com/brave-soul-plus/brave-soul-plus-rain-mac-in-pearlescent-white/prd/11825863?clr=pearlescent-white&colourWayId=16383377&SearchQuery=brave%20soul%20pearlescent
8 September 2019 : the raincoat is this: https://us.asos.com/brave-soul-plus/brave-soul-plus-rain-mac-in-pearlescent-white/prd/11825863?clr=pearlescent-white&colourWayId=16383377&SearchQuery=brave%20soul%20pearlescent
8 September 2019 : asos!!!
8 September 2019 : manic panic!
8 September 2019 : they asked me to go to “the production office” and i was not sure where that is or if i’m allowed in there so i came clean as not working the event
8 September 2019 : update update they think i work for the event so now i am working breakdown????????
8 September 2019 : update they moved the tent and broke it down and i helped carry the tent and now i am not there
8 September 2019 : asos!
8 September 2019 : i have no interest in helping your boyfriend get more followers
8 September 2019 : if anyone at xoxo wants to say hi i’ve got my iridescent rain coat on and i’m sitting by the registration area peacefully watching the clouds come over the trees pic.twitter.com/sjzWgqJoKk
8 September 2019 : i have a fjall kanken and i like it because it is light but durable and i have frequently used it to hold a full kitchen outfit + crocs & my knife plus personal accoutrements
8 September 2019 : great, i meant to
8 September 2019 : HIGH FIVED
8 September 2019 : 🥰 pic.twitter.com/dv4b6RF11u
8 September 2019 : this dude has a sequin shirt and let me draw “whatever” on it so pic.twitter.com/BQyzZptI0l
8 September 2019 : how could i possibly get a baguette through tsa
8 September 2019 : is this photo this horrifying in digital too pic.twitter.com/imhnghnCXD
8 September 2019 : portland is rife with the tragedy of “functional products redesigned with cool aesthetics that totally negate their functionality”
8 September 2019 : finally tried out a sit on this cool wooden seat situation and it is even more uncomfortable than i expected pic.twitter.com/frvpZycC4S
8 September 2019 : fuck
8 September 2019 : personally, i prefer to go big and then go home
8 September 2019 : i’m wearing a v neck sweater to show off my ‘please sign my guest book’ tat and my murderface necklace, which only true MFers recognize pic.twitter.com/I5rHBONFQt
8 September 2019 : ok xoxo attendees. it’s the last day of xoxo, which means it’s your last chance to fall in love with me and/or pay off my student loans ($12,000 http://paypal.me/taliajane ) chop chop pic.twitter.com/SrXGvRe7pw
8 September 2019 : ugh ok fine i will get out of bed and head over!
8 September 2019 : hell fuckin yeah
8 September 2019 : or both!
8 September 2019 : lmao i still haven’t left my room
8 September 2019 : emojimashupface is antifa https://twitter.com/emojimashupface/status/1170545692940611584
8 September 2019 : if you’re having trouble falling asleep just tell yourself “well i guess i should probably get some work done.” either you get up and be productive or the mere thought of working shuts your brain off and promptly whisks you away to dreamland. win/win.
8 September 2019 : tfw blep pic.twitter.com/WNf2HCv4hL
8 September 2019 : i also need this https://twitter.com/rajandelman/status/1170780673570988033
8 September 2019 : @aetataureate 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
8 September 2019 : of course.
8 September 2019 : sounds stupid
8 September 2019 : if it’s the former, congrats on buying a boring outfit. if it’s the latter, congrats on buying a boring outfit for douchey reasons.
8 September 2019 : in which case i must ask those who’ve gleefully gotten/worn the jumpsuit: are you more thrilled to be wearing an item from a show you like or more thrilled to have access to something that isn’t really *anything* except clearly tailored specifically for tall, thin bodies
8 September 2019 : i don’t even know where you *could* buy it
8 September 2019 : have any beautifully luscious fat babes bought the fleabag jumpsuit? or is it just a product for.......the other people
8 September 2019 : :((((((((
8 September 2019 : lol it’s 2019 mom we’re marrying our friends the first day of meeting them now get w the program
8 September 2019 : will this help pic.twitter.com/ByHrB8bbk3
8 September 2019 : i figured out the secret to not becoming a shell of a person on the last day of xoxo and the secret is taking a 5-hour nap saturday afternoon so your social batteries are well charged to see you through to the end.
8 September 2019 : why has no one told me they made a game for me https://twitter.com/usgamernet/status/1169701735117381634
8 September 2019 : lol @justkelly_ok
8 September 2019 : convince me i don’t want these pic.twitter.com/hWZNH9Mjcl
8 September 2019 : i’m sure staying up until at least 3am every night for 4 days on the west coast will have no negative impact on my sleep schedule once i am back on the east coast, i’m certain of it.
8 September 2019 : its luigi on a crucifix and was given to me tonight! pic.twitter.com/hPM39NNAd4
8 September 2019 : xoxo should let me come for free every year just to be the beautiful, effervescent angel that i am
8 September 2019 : lmao
8 September 2019 : so beautiful wow pic.twitter.com/vHOvzn0WPH
8 September 2019 : golden bod
8 September 2019 : gave myself one on my boob pic.twitter.com/S9ayvmrHGD
8 September 2019 : gave @edenthecat a stamp tramp that is a pencil that says “please sign my guest book!” pic.twitter.com/krXVq8yLaZ
8 September 2019 : 3D printed!!
8 September 2019 : i am at a house i’ve never been in and i went into the basement and found a lamp shade and put it on my head because the ninja turtles were a legitimately important aspect of my childhood development pic.twitter.com/eKOgM0GX1q
8 September 2019 : this is every dad three months after they begrudgingly take a dog in who they insist they’ll never like https://twitter.com/jennyyangtv/status/1170587650698334208
8 September 2019 : i curse the anonymous source
8 September 2019 : eden are u ok
8 September 2019 : i have been given a crucified luigi pin/earring and i’ve never wanted to get a tit piercing more pic.twitter.com/piF8IXcyHq
8 September 2019 : if this is getting old, baby, i don’t wanna be young
8 September 2019 : lookin Fresh pic.twitter.com/eDxlmPu6WU
8 September 2019 : nice
8 September 2019 : is there a name for the nap version of “puke & rally”? because i just did that
8 September 2019 : “we can’t have any terrorists in the u.s. except of course literal terrorist organizations who have killed u.s. troops, which is surprising news and fully out of character for a literal terrorist organization”
8 September 2019 : you telling me there’s a massive muslim ban still in place and the president lifted it so he could meet with *the taliban*? lmao what
8 September 2019 : there’s nothing better than writing a recommendation for someone you don’t recommend and cleverly inserting an acrostic that spells out I A M L Y I N G or E A T S H I T or 9 / 1 1 I N S I D E J O B https://twitter.com/clmazin/status/1170433961543122944
8 September 2019 : is he extremely huge or is graham wild short
8 September 2019 : seriously. if this surprises you, i’m not sure i trust you?
8 September 2019 : hm, not bombshell so much as confirmation of what we all already knew. https://twitter.com/chrislhayes/status/1170054645605109762
8 September 2019 : if you need a data mining algorithm to tell you whether or not you’re pretty you deserve whatever happens once corporations figure out how to use all this data to oppress & punish people
8 September 2019 : yoooooooo @_pem_pem pic.twitter.com/YawbY8M5fE
7 September 2019 : i’m sorry WHAT
7 September 2019 : it is badly designed
7 September 2019 : that’s entirely too much tuna
7 September 2019 : the bathroom in this hotel room is just a glass box and it is hilarious pic.twitter.com/DJsfdKe9YE
7 September 2019 : of course it has. the line between satire and serious for something like this is razor thin.
7 September 2019 : i understand that and my art is destroying things that could be easily replicated or give dangerous ideas to cities/corporations to further their people-hating ethos
7 September 2019 : if you see one of these it is your duty as a human of the world to destroy it by any means necessary
7 September 2019 : can’t wait to see one of these in the wild and see how durable it is against my fat ass taking a metal baseball bat to it https://twitter.com/kenradio/status/1170100080520704000
7 September 2019 : and it doesn’t have that caustic after taste of Sports Drinks!
7 September 2019 : ran out of toilet paper in my hotel room. such are the stakes when you dedicate your life to creating and nurturing a persona that is only lightly funny to you and no one else.
7 September 2019 : pedialyte will never stop being clutch as hell
7 September 2019 : i have retreated to my hotel room but rest assured i am at the festival in spirit asking complete strangers if they’ll give me $12,000 to pay off my student loans and/or fall in love with me
7 September 2019 : thank you, kevin!!!! also if anyone wants to toss just a full 12k that’d be way more efficient! pic.twitter.com/uSz6ZUioNR
7 September 2019 : hell yeah!!!!! pic.twitter.com/YIItb9jgZT
7 September 2019 : if my student loans are paid off soon i’ll be in much better position to do exactly that!
7 September 2019 : get on the #TechBabesPayingOffMyStudentLoans train pic.twitter.com/UgcnTk60Jb
7 September 2019 : i will be!!!
7 September 2019 : dying that as soon as i sent this goddamn *everybody* left
7 September 2019 : lol pic.twitter.com/myNOWrFlFI
7 September 2019 : this is me exploiting the automatic retweet function of this bot made for this event pic.twitter.com/mhS44TLeSW
7 September 2019 : hell yee
7 September 2019 : if anyone at xoxo wants to pay off my student loans they’re $12,000 and my paypal is here: http://paypal.me/taliajane :)
7 September 2019 : hello xoxo i’m sitting here if you’d like to meet come say hi and i will tell you how tired i am! pic.twitter.com/HSaDRUFnya
7 September 2019 : some more big font vibes pic.twitter.com/TfXcY7ef34
7 September 2019 : SPITE pic.twitter.com/Gdt2lNjgax
7 September 2019 : that’s TANGB, baby! (there are no good billionaires) https://twitter.com/anandwrites/status/1170308461009285122
7 September 2019 : thank you @EmmaKinema for bringing organizing and unionizing to a conference full of people who have a vested interest in fostering inclusive, safe workplaces and also have the power to agitate and transform their industries but might not realize how easy it is to get started.
7 September 2019 : UNIONS. pic.twitter.com/Xw9LjRKC1w
7 September 2019 : everyone at xoxo getting the early stages of socializing-with-a-million-people hangover casually swapping out their black lanyards for red ones
7 September 2019 : fuck i put pants on :(
7 September 2019 : she left so now i am going to get dressed and head over to catch @Hbomberguy ’s talk but it’s so chilly i’m kinda tempted to pull a 2016 talia and wear my pajamas to the conference again
7 September 2019 : thank you for lookin out for us papa 💗
7 September 2019 : i’m feeling better today but if you’ve got any extra i’d love it just to be safe! but also why aren’t there any bodegas on every corner here i feel trapped
7 September 2019 : imma be late for the conference cuz i’m having what feels like the most important staring contest to ever happen with this lady in the window across the street pic.twitter.com/FdFtzbl1l7
7 September 2019 : !!!!!
7 September 2019 : lmao thanks pic.twitter.com/ch1JY2t5S6
7 September 2019 : it’s 9:46 and the weather went from 90 to 65 & windy and it takes human bodies a few weeks to adjust to temperature changes so my complaining is valid but you should be used to the heat by now!
7 September 2019 : jonny both of ur books are here!!!! also can u tell me who your cool ppl you know are so i can meet them/fall in love
7 September 2019 : can someone at xoxo please bring me some emergen-c and/or zyrtec and a hot ginger tea on account of i think i am getting a cold
7 September 2019 : hella cute but also hella cold pic.twitter.com/S8s0TJKari
7 September 2019 : i’m extraordinarily proud of you & rooting for you & also wanna let you know that this means you now have a legitimate reason to avoid getting drinks with fake-nice douchebags!!!!!!
7 September 2019 : this vid just made me realize i got a sunburn on my arm oops
7 September 2019 : he’s got the heart of a pomeranian and the body of a husky
7 September 2019 : important: pic.twitter.com/JbAWQqIq7h
7 September 2019 : ☹️
7 September 2019 : holy shit this dog i met pic.twitter.com/zqkByQaw6I
7 September 2019 : exactly!!!!
7 September 2019 : bullying works!!!!! https://twitter.com/dailydot/status/1169969636991033345
6 September 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
6 September 2019 : welcome to ax-o-ax-o pic.twitter.com/jof4HwAZWB
6 September 2019 : we’ve acquired quite the lil audience for what has become a legitimately erotic experience for me pic.twitter.com/qzfOEw79Mb
6 September 2019 : the tips are bent and that’s how you unbend them!
6 September 2019 : meeting perfect stranger @the_mckern to hammer and sharpen my knives and to learn how to sharpen my knives 🥰🥰🥰 pic.twitter.com/wVwOXTn7UU
6 September 2019 : why is this the first one pic.twitter.com/quJDD5XSET
6 September 2019 : hahahahahaha
6 September 2019 : :)
6 September 2019 : is your name really erick erickson lmao
6 September 2019 : they call it pullin a talia :( https://twitter.com/mattgarrahan/status/1169720609095462913
6 September 2019 : i! do! not! smoke! weed!
6 September 2019 : dead sober thx
6 September 2019 : i don’t know what the XOXO Fancy Toilet Trailer is but i’m 100% tagging all my photos there pic.twitter.com/FjTnubFYFY
6 September 2019 : they’re so sweet 😭😭😭😭😭😭
6 September 2019 : i found a star trek pinball machine (nge) and it was... an emotional experience pic.twitter.com/sf1LnXdgfD
6 September 2019 : as a result of this photoshoot two very kindly xoxo attendees checked in on us to make sure we could get home okay/were sober enough to “walk home in a straight line” which was incredibly sweet but also i’m not even buzzed right now. this is just how i am.
6 September 2019 : this wet floor sign is so sensual??? pic.twitter.com/8SnxZrgra4
6 September 2019 : i am drinking a watermelon cider that TASTES like a sour watermelon jolly rancher and SMELLS like dirty diaper trash and it’s the funniest and best alcohol i’ve ever consumed
6 September 2019 : yes @mb is!
6 September 2019 : can y’all believe how cute i & @mb look? i cannot pic.twitter.com/EuMvBmGwkw
6 September 2019 : you’re not gunna believe how real it tastes!!!!
6 September 2019 : update i got tired of turning the light on and off
6 September 2019 : we are flashing our table light
6 September 2019 : @edenthecat if you’re still here come over to table near bar area where i am standing with @mb to the side of the picnic tables
6 September 2019 : can y’all believe how cute i look??? i cannot
6 September 2019 : i have been flossing constantly lately and your tweet just made me realize it’s helped against my otherwise cold sensitive teeth!
6 September 2019 : vegan mango popsicle covered in chamoy & tajin can not get into my mouth fast enough pic.twitter.com/yKmu0msq7l
5 September 2019 : my girl @justkelly_ok got to the hotel 15 minutes ago and that’s how long it took for us to say hello and change into our pajamas to take a pre-party nap.
5 September 2019 : who let aimee terese in here https://twitter.com/LilNasX/status/1169720814507134976
5 September 2019 : https://xoxofest.com
5 September 2019 : thanks i had an excellent editor 😉
5 September 2019 : i love that the air and the wild plants and the dirt remind me of my childhood in norcal but i hate the loudly pulsating undercurrent of countless people displaced and replaced by shiny coffee shops
5 September 2019 : portland’s inequality is so loud. punkish glam gentrification with the ghosts of communities paved over and pushed out screaming to be seen. horrifying.
5 September 2019 : and it’s you because i’ve been on sertraline for two months and now i go on dates with strangers just for the adventure!
5 September 2019 : depends on who’s on your list of online people you like, i’d say!
5 September 2019 : 2 Talias 2 Furious
5 September 2019 : ya i am here for xoxo
5 September 2019 : honestly i love it. i get to feel accomplished from doing nothing and then i get to reveal the surprise that i’m just a regular ol’ shitposter. a gift!!!
5 September 2019 : 😭😭😭😭
5 September 2019 : no i do
5 September 2019 : gotta have it
5 September 2019 : have a relax pic.twitter.com/yWaDDrXpBp
5 September 2019 : have been at xoxo for two seconds and have already been mistaken for @chick_in_kiev !!!!! 🥰🥰 pic.twitter.com/yWDMKd46gC
5 September 2019 : hahahaha that’d be fuckin awesome honestly
5 September 2019 : left my trusty quart container with a hole stabbed into it for a metal straw at home but luckily peet’s saw my needs and came to the rescue, just like they always do. pic.twitter.com/4OIRBAmGlO
5 September 2019 : when i moved from ca to ny i packed misc flatware and my fanciest chef knife and towels & misc charging cables in a big suitcase and i got a bag search ticket and i can’t imagine what they were thinking when they saw all that
5 September 2019 : now taking bets on whether or not there’s a tsa “we looked through your bag” ticket in my suitcase with the two chef knives
5 September 2019 : yee
5 September 2019 : i slept four consecutive hours on the plane, which is a first, and it was amazing.
5 September 2019 : oh hey pic.twitter.com/AQUGH4PkYO
5 September 2019 : i know :(
5 September 2019 : awful
5 September 2019 : i won’t go into details pic.twitter.com/MYHtpprOrt
5 September 2019 : enter the orb in the middle of a terminal to squeeze food out of your chest in “privacy.” try not to think about the long line at dunkin that has nothing better to do but stare at the boob-smile and wonder what cis man designed it pic.twitter.com/a1gvcRAWZg
5 September 2019 : people who curry in *claiming* to be experts on labor & the working class tend to bristle at observations commonplace within the working class that they themselves did not say qualifies as an aspect of the working class.
5 September 2019 : this bitch just said “it’s been a world win of emotions”
5 September 2019 : my main question is why don’t any of these incels want to date me, a person who lives in their country and speaks english
5 September 2019 : i would definitely be a person on 90 day fiancé if i had the capacity to “follow my heart” or listen to any basic bitch wall decor. i hate this show so much ugh
5 September 2019 : is your name really dan crenshaw lmao
5 September 2019 : if you texted me my response would always be “oh fuck!!! this bitch again!!!!!!! yeeeeeee!!!”
5 September 2019 : if i had to rate jeremy renner’s app’s descent into oblivion i would give it 14,800 stars, which cost $99.99 in the jeremy renner app
5 September 2019 : what have you done @jamieloftusHELP pic.twitter.com/oprbwTuzCX
5 September 2019 : lmao
5 September 2019 : collective action gets the goods
5 September 2019 : once again, collective action gets the goods
5 September 2019 : this reminds me of that friends episode where ross gets spray tanned on the front a bunch of times
5 September 2019 : she got like four layers of the darkest spray tan
5 September 2019 : harry cherry went from alt right clown to anti-gun violence proto-leftist because thousands of people kept tweeting at him “is your name really harry cherry”
5 September 2019 : oh hell yeah
5 September 2019 : i’ve been packing since i was a kid so i’m really good at remembering all the basics. the main difference this time is i just picked clothes i wanna wear without spending a ton of time compiling and analyzing different outfits. weeee!
5 September 2019 : lmfao
5 September 2019 : packing before a flight is a wildly different experience on antianxiety medication. i can’t wait to open my suitcase and just surprise myself with whatever clothes are in there. it’s anyone’s guess!!
5 September 2019 : choose, also!
5 September 2019 : i am watching They Ready and after this i will chose one of the fine recs y’all provided me ☺️
5 September 2019 : YOU ARE WELCOME
5 September 2019 : absolutely not
5 September 2019 : happy birthday!!! i am so grateful for you, for reasons well-trod, and your work as a leader is an inspiration of how to be a more compassionate, empathetic person both professional and personal. 💜💜💜
5 September 2019 : what show should i watch while i stay up all night packing and cleaning before my flight
5 September 2019 : if your interest is romantic please know that i am attracted to the full spectrum except jerks :)
5 September 2019 : aww look at you getting high responsibly!!!
5 September 2019 : whom at xoxo would like to go on a date with me? this offer encompasses romantic candlelit dinners as well as platonic pursuits of friendship. the only requirement is you have to be someone i’ve never met. ideally also you don’t murder me, but we’ll see where the night takes us!
5 September 2019 : talking to cis men: not even once
5 September 2019 : lmfao
5 September 2019 : rider in this l*ft was super chatty and at my drop off he said “see ya” and it threw me and i said “uhhh probably never?” and he said “that’s funny” and i said deadpan “yes we are both hilarious” and then he said “you’re a flirt!” and i could not gather my belongings fast enough
5 September 2019 : lmaoooo
5 September 2019 : wait is you being in nyc a new thing?!
5 September 2019 : 🙏🙏🙏🙏
5 September 2019 : lmao
5 September 2019 : i was allowed to leave work early (11:30 instead of 12:40) because i have to be at the airport in six hours 💃💃💃💃💃💃
5 September 2019 : alas, he shouted out his “wife & my two kids tj & max”
4 September 2019 : please tell that to everyone who has me muted 😔
4 September 2019 : YES YES YES YES
4 September 2019 : copy that boss!
4 September 2019 : i have had jingle bell rock stuck in my head all day and it’s adding a really eerie color to everything.
4 September 2019 : to whoever wrote the copy for function shampoo’s subway ad that says “if hair goals were career goals, other shampoos would still be living in their parents’ basement.”: nicely done.
4 September 2019 : [both of my shoulders loudly pop when i try putting a bra on] me (wisely, to no one): that’s just the foundation settling
4 September 2019 : there’s no better argument against everything these guys claim to know than their inability to understand how anything works
4 September 2019 : amazing to me that big brainers like ross & bret are unable to see that fascistic tendencies grow into upholding outright fascist ideologies. identifying their roots as the dog whistles and red flags that they are is being mislabeled as liberals calling everything hitler
4 September 2019 : woah
4 September 2019 : she really runs her hand over it in a weirdly sensual way doesn’t she
4 September 2019 : i was mad at my teen sister because she knows how to contour and draw in her eyebrows and i’m nearly 30 and i still can’t do that but then i remembered that when i was a teen the go-to makeup look was just a lot of black eyeliner and the differences are just par for the course
4 September 2019 : neither story negates the damage that either have caused
4 September 2019 : this story is to gun owners what the conversion therapy leader coming out as gay story is to the queer community https://twitter.com/abc13miya/status/1168993652150026244
4 September 2019 : wow
4 September 2019 : come for the financial takedowns, stay for the weird slice of life observations no one asked for
4 September 2019 : this guy on the price is right has two kids named TJ & Max. i wonder if he knows he married a maxxinista or if he’s the maxxinista or if the fact that they’re both maxxinistas is what brought him and his wife together.
4 September 2019 : oh shit hell yeah
4 September 2019 : lmao retail’s a fuckin nightmare. as soon as i got my food handlers i was like “i’m never going back”
4 September 2019 : lol pic.twitter.com/tQF9I57BKN
4 September 2019 : i apologize for not being born sooner
4 September 2019 : 😩😩😩
4 September 2019 : make it 5 years so they get the chronic pain that keeps em in check
4 September 2019 : while you’re here: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ev3dde/most-money-advice-is-worthless
4 September 2019 : for their whole income too!
4 September 2019 : i seriously considered it but couldn’t jive with the intense groupthink brainwashy vibes they all had
4 September 2019 : pew settled on 81 but it’s flexible
4 September 2019 : THEY SHOULD WORK IN KITCHENS but also lmao can you imagine
4 September 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰hire🥰me🥰🥰🥰 https://twitter.com/eorvieto/status/1169264682835697666
4 September 2019 : military recruiters advertise all sorts of free stuff to get signups specifically to exploit financial anxiety. i wonder what % of enlisted folks joined up because they couldn’t afford anything else, and not because of the ~pride~ and ~glory~ of ~serving~ your corporate overlords https://twitter.com/bigdamnherossir/status/1169263185515417600
4 September 2019 : feels good to finally get that off my chest. feelin relaxed, like i just got a massage. too bad i gotta get up & do laundry before work cuz my flight to xoxo leaves at 7am and i won’t be off until 1am weeeeeeeee
4 September 2019 : and when you’re in college full time, your availability to work maxes out at around 25 hours.
4 September 2019 : i love you!!!!!!
4 September 2019 : 14. that said, if you can’t afford to keep at it you should obviously pursue things like the FAFSA but college is a scam & if you can’t afford to finish your degree you shouldn’t blame yourself for falling prey to a systemic failure. you should blame michael strain, specifically.
4 September 2019 : 13. not only is mike’s bad tweet incredibly ignorant, it feeds into this larger narrative that shames individuals for systemic problems & ignores that people are choosing to make bad choices (like getting a cc) because in the abyss of poverty, they’re out of healthier options.
4 September 2019 : 12. ignoring this dynamic - that poor people *know* the verdict that will be levied against them if they don’t try hard enough, and crucify themselves when they *still* can’t make it - is part of why the narrative remains. it fails to consider people ARE taking the bad advice.
4 September 2019 : 11. the moral and individualist bootstrappy narrative about poverty is pervasive. pervasive enough that people who can’t afford to live will do anything within their means to get by - in an effort to avoid being assigned individual blame for systemic failures.
4 September 2019 : 10. the individualist narrative that a singular person is their own reason for being poor, and that they just have to try harder to be un-poor, erases the systemic, generational issues at play when it comes to poverty.
4 September 2019 : 9. you can shovel as many of your expenses as possible over to a cc - i certainly have so i’d have enough in my bank account to pay rent - but now i’ve got a ton of cc debt to try paying down as a result. when you’re poor, financial stability is a constantly moving target.
4 September 2019 : 8. the underlying premise of mike’s like, whole deal, is you just have to try harder/not trying hard enough is why you’ve failed. this is a rich person fallacy that equates financial stability to moral excellence. it’s bullshit built to make wealthy folks think they “earned” it.
4 September 2019 : 7. the assumption that you can offset your financial hardship by simply creating a new source of income is hilariously Rich. even if you could get a cc, if you’re struggling to make it through college, that card is only adding to your list of stressors.
4 September 2019 : 6. not only will you be funneling about a third of your expenses through a credit card, but there’s a good chance many of the things you need to pay for don’t accept cc. the cheap grocery store near me in college, for example, accepted debit & cash but not credit cards.
4 September 2019 : 5. let’s say rent & bills are covered and you’re able to get a credit card and the credit card is for general living expenses. you’ve just created *another* bill to pay - and one that has a countdown of when your time will run out, based on how much you have left on your card.
4 September 2019 : 4. but let’s say you can get a cc. someone just starting out will have a low line of credit and high interest rates - their cards will max out at 1 or 2k, with 20%+ interest. even if they *could* put their rent on a cc, they’d max it out within 1-2 months.
4 September 2019 : 3. there’s further complications for people who are unbanked, who don’t have enough to open a bank account or otherwise don’t qualify to open one. you can’t get a cc if you don’t have a bank account. maybe this has changed as venmo & paypal have released their own debit cards.
4 September 2019 : 2. maybe this isn’t the case where mike lives, but every electric or gas company i’ve ever come across requires payments be made directly from a bank account - credit cards aren’t allowed. i know because i have tried, and wished i could put some bills on my cc.
4 September 2019 : 1. most people age 18-24 do not have enough credit to qualify for a credit card because they have likely only recently begun paying their own bills, still live at home, or a roommate’s name is on the bills. the ones they *do* qualify for have extremely high interest rates.
4 September 2019 : i have finally stopped laughing at this tweet long enough to seriously address its core assumption: that if you’re poor, you should just pile on additional debt to make it through until you become rich. this is gunna be a thread. https://twitter.com/michaelrstrain/status/1168707762450288640?s=21 pic.twitter.com/lwUHIhkMIt
4 September 2019 : i just realized beyoncé, whose success is beyond definition and whose 38th birthday is today, is a millennial.
4 September 2019 : nah, you’d dice em up for that. this is for a marinated cucumber side. smashing helps the marinade soften em and releases cucumber goo
4 September 2019 : what the fuck pic.twitter.com/zAf0amjgVk
4 September 2019 : preppin for my next date pic.twitter.com/9pyzrVrRmX
3 September 2019 : i’m homeless and ALSO there’s no internet and ALSO it’s a reality show that is broadcast across the universe and then after i... die?... i get compensated & cared for
3 September 2019 : hahahahahahahahahsggaahahhaahha pic.twitter.com/fMTcUGv5fh
3 September 2019 : gotta give props for coming up with a really creative way to tell me to log off.
3 September 2019 : “think of the adventure” pic.twitter.com/aH8gEBf0LX
3 September 2019 : fuck
3 September 2019 : they ignore me for several months ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
3 September 2019 : wait WHAT
3 September 2019 : it has been 7 months and i’m still not done reminding people that toni collette should’ve won best female lead at the independent spirit awards for HEREDITARY
3 September 2019 : today is the day you became president (of my heart)
3 September 2019 : hell yeah
3 September 2019 : when everyone mutes me because i’ve been posting too much is when i take a deep breath and exhale and say to myself “shadowbanned for bein too good”
3 September 2019 : that said, if anyone wants to give me 10k to pay off my student loans and i *dont* have to pay them back, paypal is in bio
3 September 2019 : friends, the internet, & internet friends have helped me buy groceries, clothes for work, and other necessities over time. being alive is expensive! being able to pay folks back is new territory. i’m grateful for the patience & kindness i received as i worked to meet that goal.
3 September 2019 : committing to paying people back was a stressor, sure, but there is also a small bit of pride knowing that i have finally gotten to the point - over the course of a few months - to repay people instead of knowing i can’t.
3 September 2019 : worth noting that if you said ‘no refunds’ and i refunded you it’s because i didn’t see that note, but no refund refunds. it is emotionally extremely important to me that i am able to pay people back because i have worked very hard to obtain some semblance of financial stability.
3 September 2019 : *if
3 September 2019 : hello. in late june i asked for help making rent. through july and august, i tried paying people back as i got paid for my work. i think i’ve officially paid everyone back, but i missed you please let me know. and thank you to everyone for your patience & generosity 🙏💕
3 September 2019 : also free joke about dog being the saloon pet/mascot because he drinks like a fish? i dunno i feel hot
3 September 2019 : i will require a constant supply of red vines and room temp tap water in my trailer, thank you!
3 September 2019 : dog the beta fish was not included in the show summary in this link i’m just shoehorning him in for my own selfish reasons
3 September 2019 : this is such hella exciting news and the show sounds delightful and hilarious and i call dibs on being the voice of dog, kevin’s pet beta fish. congrats @jennyjaffe !!! 💕 https://deadline.com/2019/09/fox-buys-animated-western-comedy-saloon-from-daily-show-rugrats-writers-sidecar-1202708275/
3 September 2019 : 4 years ago i said to a guy who worked at my job but who i had never met before that he had an “NPR vibe.” we became and are still friends. the moral of this story is that if you play your cards right you can make any rude comment seem funny and charming in retrospect.
3 September 2019 : could not be more oblivious if he tried
3 September 2019 : can i be the 10,001-th dm
3 September 2019 : hahahahahahahahah wow you’re a dumbfuck
3 September 2019 : this lady yelled at the owner to take someone’s stuff out of two washers, and she’s gearing up to yell about a third.
3 September 2019 : “tuesday morning is the perfect time to go to the laundromat,” thought goddamn everyone. it’s the wild west out here.
3 September 2019 : i couldn’t tell ya
3 September 2019 : oh now this is a good one. travel accommodations + rental car & per diem $, plus free room service for two weeks. the only drawback is you have to be funny :( https://twitter.com/ebww/status/1168880399033888768
3 September 2019 : 💗💕
3 September 2019 : do they make rubber knives that can cut things as well as a stainless steel blade but that when it is dropped on the ground it just bounces
2 September 2019 : honestly i don’t care who goes where as long as they’re both on the ticket
2 September 2019 : thrilled to announce that yesterday, my coworker dropped my knife in the exact same way my original knife had been dropped so i will be bringing not one but TWO knives to xoxo so a stranger can teach me how to fix them.
2 September 2019 : it’s the “if neither of us are married by the time we’re 40” pact for politicians
2 September 2019 : 100% certainty they made a pact to partner up against biden & pick each other for vp https://twitter.com/adamsextonwmur/status/1168639006885781505
2 September 2019 : shoutout to all the journalists filling the mentions of people posting hurricane pics & videos with “i’m so sorry, please stay safe! also can we use your video?” sucks having to stick your ass out like that just to do your job.
2 September 2019 : that’s fine with me
2 September 2019 : wow this did not blow up, and i am satisfied by that
2 September 2019 : i’m glad i was able to provide you with something so close to the heart within one minute
2 September 2019 : watching countless comedians do auditions into their phone cameras has made it very clear that this form of comedy is incredibly easy. i did one perfect take before realizing i should record with captions, and then posted the results
2 September 2019 : i would write and produce a 2-hour musical capturing the millennial crisis but there’s no point in doing more than just this video pic.twitter.com/aYB7eCQ69M
2 September 2019 : hahahahaha shit that’s brilliant
2 September 2019 : my arm has been numb all day 🥰
2 September 2019 : go offffffffffffffffff
2 September 2019 : woah woah woah harvey keitel
2 September 2019 : 🗣JUST GO TO THERAPY
2 September 2019 : i just put an xl icy hot patch and an ice pack on my shoulder because my arm has been numb all day from working the fryer yesterday and now i feel like i’m in heaven and this movie is still a giant jerkoff motion about toxic masculinity.
2 September 2019 : the argument of quality does not negate my observation
2 September 2019 : that’s what they say about dildos and assault rifles
2 September 2019 : and citizen kane
2 September 2019 : replace the k’s with j’s and search
2 September 2019 : i’m halfway through watching TAXI DRIVER and have already thought a few times “yet again, the supposedly All-Time Classic Films are just stories about white guy angst”
2 September 2019 : this is some extremely incel shit
2 September 2019 : they’ll create an un-thesaurus button to reverse all her garbled nonsense into something vaguely coherent and it’ll all boil down to “i just wanna be famous”
2 September 2019 : i am watching TAXI DRIVER for the first time and i am curious, based on the overall vibe of ‘young white man is aggrieved by not knowing how to be a person,’ is TAXI DRIVER just.....catcher in the rye: the movie?
2 September 2019 : yeah no shit but a lotta laborers don’t earn tips to compensate for an influx in business (see: popeyes) and even tips don’t make up for the physical/mental exhaustion of a busy day or a long, busy weekend
2 September 2019 : the part where the mother of 7 who got a contract with amazon. they didn’t pay her invoices on time, forcing her to take out lines of credit to cover costs. eventually paid out about 350k to her, fired her, then *sued her* for 300k for making amazon liable. made my jaw drop.
2 September 2019 : hooooooly shit. this @ceodonovan piece on amazon answers so many questions about how amazon’s delivery service works, how acutely dangerous (and deadly) it is, and how amazon skirts responsibility every step of the way. phenomenal work. https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/carolineodonovan/amazon-next-day-delivery-deaths
2 September 2019 : join the @iww #1u
2 September 2019 : 😐😐😐
2 September 2019 : those workers aren’t going to be adequately compensated for the influx of work they’ll be burdened with, even if you think “i’ll tip extra!” that’s like apologizing when you’re not sorry, cuz if you were sorry you wouldn’t fuckin do it in the first place.
2 September 2019 : do workers a favor today and don’t order delivery, request rides, or engage in any consumerism. even if *you* are off, there’s millions of people who have to work today and they’re def gunna see an influx of work due to everyone else wanting to ~treat themselves~
2 September 2019 : happy labor day. romanticizing mid-century ideals of work and workers is part of a larger narrative of ignoring and criticizing modern workers’ legitimate needs for a living wage, which the minimum wage has not been since its peak in 1968. #fightfor15 #raisethewage
2 September 2019 : i’m “off” today but only because i requested mondays and thursdays off so i could work my other job, so i am not in fact “off” so much as working remotely on copy that i was supposed to finish over the weekend but couldn’t because i was...working. happy labor day!
2 September 2019 : i think it was when i worked as a dishwasher for cooking classes. here is me on independence day cleaning the vents (we had to dress business casual... as dishwashers!) pic.twitter.com/LPYNQbMOPK
2 September 2019 : kenny kohnson drama in 2019 is proof of my personal theory that the world did end in 2012 as the mayans predicted and we have just been stuck in social reruns as the world spins itself into oblivion
2 September 2019 : I SAID WHAT I SAID
2 September 2019 : i also sexually identify as and am attracted to thunder occurring at any time that is not between 7pm to 4am
2 September 2019 : i sexually identify as a chilly overcast morning that turns into a warm, clear, bright blue afternoon
2 September 2019 : holy shit!!!!! i’m so glad it’s not appendicitis but i hope you get a chance to relax and rest up a bit!!!
2 September 2019 : oh no i washed my arms with a lovely scented soap so i just smell like flowers 😩
2 September 2019 : joke’s on you, jessica. i smell delicious and my arms have never been softer.
2 September 2019 : stuck my wholeass hand in there and grabbed globs of grease out where a large spoon couldn’t reach. no cutesy shit. literal elbow grease.
2 September 2019 : i learned how to clean out the deep fryer tonight and now i am unstoppable
2 September 2019 : i start a closing shift with a coffee but by like 8 i can’t have any more otherwise my after-work second wind will be like 4 hours instead of 2
2 September 2019 : my favorite part about my last shift before a day off is knowing i can drink coffee after 7pm. i am embracing my age with full gusto and great aplomb.
2 September 2019 : oh my god
2 September 2019 : ken burns walked so ted radio hour could half-jog
2 September 2019 : or let me do it for you and instead of sponsors the commercial breaks can just be me giving a quick take on what’s happening so far in the documentary
2 September 2019 : ken literally all you have to do is copy the video footage over into some basic audio software and every point where you’d have a commercial break, name your sponsors and upload that shit! easiest and best podcast ever
2 September 2019 : does ken burns have a podcast @KenBurns do a podcast but every episode is just the words from your documentaries
2 September 2019 : one of them is “warren has a plan for that”
2 September 2019 : lmao
2 September 2019 : good point, iSnortArsenic! https://twitter.com/isnortarsenic/status/1168329320491835393
2 September 2019 : hell yeah
1 September 2019 : oh fuck
1 September 2019 : this is *almost* as exciting as that time i was driving down a street in richmond and i saw a chicken cross the road in front of me that time i screamed this time i just doubled back and snapped a pic
1 September 2019 : looks like shit now imo (i’m lying i captured a great pic of the building i’m just being mean cuz i’m sad) pic.twitter.com/z8BC8CLrN8
1 September 2019 : wow, never thought i’d see one of these in the wild. turns out 76 degrees is “hot enough to cook an egg on the sidewalk” weather? pic.twitter.com/ELd0kA9LxN
1 September 2019 : they painted over the building that had written on it “WINTER IS CUMMING” 😔 may its memory stay with us forever 🙏 pic.twitter.com/6vrQmM22US
1 September 2019 : purple talia is dead. long live blue talia. pic.twitter.com/jRE5fYhRO3
1 September 2019 : i was born ON my dad’s birthday
1 September 2019 : or late! i truly don’t know!
1 September 2019 : adjusting for babies born early!
1 September 2019 : agreed
1 September 2019 : AHHHHHHHHHHHH
1 September 2019 : i knew a guy in high school who had the same birthday as his older brother because his parents have sex every year on memorial day.
1 September 2019 : i am an aries because my parents banged after a random coke bender. i am also incredibly broken and the bender likely has something to do with it. anyway, off to work!
1 September 2019 : also incredibly damning times
1 September 2019 : i am bad at math
1 September 2019 : i once met a woman named noel and i asked if she was a christmas baby and she said “haha no, i was born in september!” and after a beat i said “that means your parents had sex on christmas” and i will never forget the internal realization that played out across her face.
1 September 2019 : there’s a lot of virgos because a lot of parents had sex on halloween and there’s a lot of geminis because a lot of parents had sex on the fourth of july. both of these are incredibly damning days to be making whoopie, but the facts are the facts.
1 September 2019 : also for some reason i’m blocked by dave lol
1 September 2019 : i think all our scents are from the aughts & not the 90s 😔
1 September 2019 : i think clinique’s ‘happy’ came out after their ‘simply’ which is a scent they no longer produce + i love and miss deeply. light blue was the first cologne i ever smelled and even today whenever i whiff an iteration of it i’m like ‘oh god yes’
1 September 2019 : wait wait wait wait though. what about: tommy girl
1 September 2019 : not sure i needed to be tagged in this!
1 September 2019 : liz make it so landlords have to charge a reduced rate for february rent https://twitter.com/senwarren/status/1167860453491429376
1 September 2019 : my rental company has a 7-day window to pay rent which i deeply appreciate because 1. sometimes i need that extra time to have enough to pay rent and 2. i don’t believe in paying rent until march 3rd because february doesn’t have enough days to merit a full payment what a scam
1 September 2019 : when the landlord expects the rent on the first but it’s a sunday of a holiday weekend pic.twitter.com/b6knGwCzXG
1 September 2019 : i have a “will they or won’t they” relationship with being able to pay my bills on time
1 September 2019 : from your pics i’ve decided new york city on a summer holiday weekend is actually *better* than LA during burning man and coachella combined
1 September 2019 : congrats!!!!!
1 September 2019 : omg what a dream!!!!!
1 September 2019 : today’s gunna be a good day pic.twitter.com/zuSBzMt5gx
1 September 2019 : hahahaha
1 September 2019 : it was one person clapping as the theater emptied and it was me https://twitter.com/deadline/status/1167888301539201025
1 September 2019 : i’m so confused by these
1 September 2019 : hey
1 September 2019 : misogyny is a hell of a drug
1 September 2019 : i miss cobra starship 😔
1 September 2019 : patrick (guy i’m qting) works as a dj at an alt rock station, is no insult. just a big throwback.
1 September 2019 : oh fuckkkk https://twitter.com/useless_weirdo/status/1168004337575923713
31 August 2019 : those lollipops have bubble gum in the center, which is pink, and the green/white coloring suggests... the lolly was watermelon
31 August 2019 : i am a. reporter
31 August 2019 : in an amazing twist, someone *ate* the lollipop and left the stick where the unopened lolly had been. this is incredible. pic.twitter.com/miaTsHqDeM
31 August 2019 : today is august 31st and i finally received the check for work i did in may and june plus a 30% late fee!!!!! and of course it’s a holiday weekend so the check will not process until tuesday, which is a hilarious little twist of the knife.
31 August 2019 : lmao is twitter down right now
31 August 2019 : and the choking on a pretzel thing
31 August 2019 : being old enough to remember george bush getting shoes thrown at him is an official generational marker
31 August 2019 : the number one shoe pic.twitter.com/ybb1BVTYaK
31 August 2019 : consider this: smelling coffee.... while drinking tea.
31 August 2019 : he’s a giant teddy bear and i love him so much 😭😭😭
31 August 2019 : 100% certainty that despite being off twitter bedbug bret stephens still obsessively name searches to see what people are saying about him, which is largely: he’s hella fuckin stupid lmao
31 August 2019 : truly a shame i have to cover the fold in my chest with a dumb emoji so folks don’t get distracted by lumps of fat and make me feel like a piece of meat but such is liiiiiiiiife
31 August 2019 : he also found the camera to make an unamused face at it as i tried getting different angles until he inevitably looked up at me like “dude seriously” pic.twitter.com/Ve8LFQa2TW
31 August 2019 : trying to take a photo of my morning hair while my cat humps my other cat, who is just like “can u believe this fuckin guy” pic.twitter.com/uWmwwppoJi
31 August 2019 : i did read them and i chuckled at how butthurt (truly the only apt term) they are
31 August 2019 : two things i learned tonight are: witch hazel on a cotton pad will remove hair colorant from your skin and massaging avocado oil into your hair in the last 20 minutes of a dye lifts colorant from your scalp so you don’t have to scrub for an eternity to get splotches out
31 August 2019 : hahahahaha hell yeah https://twitter.com/shanedkavanaugh/status/1167614233887985669
31 August 2019 : oh that’s a lot
31 August 2019 : also i like that our display names are almost *identical*
31 August 2019 : @jasonsanderz perhaps!! i’m certainly open to chatting and meeting with and hanging out with everyone so if you spot a trollish round adult baby that’s me come say hi!!
31 August 2019 : will tell you more.... at xoxo?
31 August 2019 : oh yikes
31 August 2019 : weird how i wasn’t tweeting when jack got hacked huh
31 August 2019 : without a doubt my l*ft driver had an open can of white claw in his cupholder and was humming along to “take my breath away” i need to leave an appropriate tip so if the fare was $7 what is that times 500%
31 August 2019 : ok i am going to watch SUCCESSION please like me/invite me to hang out/let me into the cool kids club UPDATE i can’t watch SUCCESSION so i am rewatching the good place for the fourth time but my plea for being Accepted still stands.
31 August 2019 : imagine being named bret
31 August 2019 : :’’’’’’’’’’’’)
31 August 2019 : bretbugs at it again
31 August 2019 : i’m legit so proud of you
30 August 2019 : HE 👏 DID 👏 THAT 👏 https://twitter.com/timmarcin/status/1167562503624318976
30 August 2019 : holy fuck
30 August 2019 : oh man
30 August 2019 : excuse you bitch??
30 August 2019 : my interest has been EXTREMELY piqued
30 August 2019 : ah! well then i dunno!
30 August 2019 : stop making me aware of shit i immediately want and can’t afford!!!!!!! https://twitter.com/techcrunch/status/1167426024067522560
30 August 2019 : ya my ideal here is some rich chump showing up & doing my laundry on their third day off instead of having fun at a bbq
30 August 2019 : i am hesitant to agree bc 1915 saw fascistic policies & politics rolling into place (esp in italy & germany) so hard to say he predicted - more likely observed via papers, socializing with likeminded folks, & saw their obvious path forward.
30 August 2019 : no cuz 1 that just adds labor to another low wage worker! 2 i tried it once and they didn’t put nearly enough detergent or use fabric softener so things were still dirty + rough 3 do not like the thought of others cleaning my underwear
30 August 2019 : i am working every day of this alleged “long weekend” as i have been working every day the past three weeks and quite frankly the best way you could possibly celebrate labor day is to do my laundry which i have been too tired to do for a month, since you’re off and all
30 August 2019 : there is no “long weekend,” only zuul
30 August 2019 : thank you for unfollowing my social media platform immediately after telling me i bleed followers because i’m not insane https://twitter.com/meadowbrookiris/status/1167499806568321027
30 August 2019 : the b in susan b anthony stands for bitchin’
30 August 2019 : every day i bleed followers and every day i tell myself it’s cuz i tweet too much and yet i cannot stop myself from expressing how baffling it is that in 1915 franz kafka wrote some truly heinous shit that none of our 21st century brains could ever possibly think up
30 August 2019 : you think you’re an ok writer and then you remember kafka wrote a novella about a salesman who wakes up turned into a giant cockroach and it’s like a metaphor for capitalism or some shit like who thinks of that who gets that idea and turns it into something people stay reading
30 August 2019 : OH SHIT WOW. confirmation that that bullet was dodged & that he was really gunna let his family assault her because he didn’t trust her! he hit her but hopefully this experience was a huge slap in the face for *him*
30 August 2019 : my heart for real started racing when i saw the one that looks like a composition notebook, but there’s no way i’m replacing my phone case (it’s one of the book-type ones with a magnet flap to keep the cover closed & is the only thing that keeps my screen from breaking)
30 August 2019 : well it was gunna be like, his whole family?
30 August 2019 : also if i’m posting about something i want, it’s not sponsored lmao i don’t got it like that im just lusting and lettin y’all know it exists. for example, these lisa frank phone cases & other shit 😩😩😩 https://www.casetify.com/collections/lisa-frank
30 August 2019 : my only rec is make sure to use filtered water w the humidifier otherwise it’ll gunk up and stop functioning, also don’t leave water sitting in it when not in use. i got one that scaled over to the point that i couldn’t even *open* it to refill the water after like, 2 weeks!!!
30 August 2019 : i’m so fucking relieved. i’m so glad she asked the internet about it. i hope she knows she’s got a fuckton of people ready to help her however she needs.
30 August 2019 : if you want something heavy duty you’ll need to look at more expensive hepa stuff but when i lived in CA i benefitted greatly from sleeping with the vick’s cool mist humidifier + holmes mini tower purifier. also get 1 pothos plant & split it up. grows in water, helps!
30 August 2019 : also i still feel conflicted about it because i hate the idea of trying to sell people stuff but my goal is to provide people with useful options that will best serve their needs and hopefully be a somewhat enjoyable read along the way!
30 August 2019 : they aren’t but i wanna be honest so folks understand that i’m not trying to shoehorn in something inauthentic under the guise of advocating for workers rights! i am merely upgrading from in-house copywriting to a blend of copy & reporting and expanding my skill set!
30 August 2019 : AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1167451810149404673?s=21
30 August 2019 : OH MY GOD THANK GOD I AM SO PROUD OF THIS ANONYMOUS WOMAN MY STRESS ULCER IS SO RELIEVED https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1167448067865493505
30 August 2019 : that said, if there is stuff you absolutely love, or a topic of things that you’re interested in getting into but aren’t sure where to start in terms of tools (examples: gardening, podcasting), i am all ears and ready to compile useful info for you.
30 August 2019 : my first piece is about pots, with emphasis on buying the fewest number of quality - and affordable - options to suit the widest array of needs, because if you’re going to buy stuff i think it should be stuff that lasts forever so you don’t have to buy stuff all the time.
30 August 2019 : they will be legitimate pieces that i am genuinely interested in and curious about, but with links to buy stuff that i or experts think are good. please know this is an effort to pay the bills, but also provide legit sources should you be interested in buying stuff.
30 August 2019 : i need to come clean about a scandal i am involved with: i acutely despite capitalism and all its manifestations. but living in a capitalist society sometimes means putting those moral stances second to your immediate survival, which is why i am freelance writing branded content.
30 August 2019 : can’t believe there’s no “i’ll have a dom deluise” from sleepless in seattle gif. btw: did you know: pic.twitter.com/nOic85Q4cM
30 August 2019 : they reached out to me earlier this year not understanding why i had them blocked and i told them and they never responded, but they know. that’s a line that, as a creative, you never. ever. cross.
30 August 2019 : yeah, it is.
30 August 2019 : it’s the female version of Get Out https://twitter.com/gaslitcassandra/status/1167446441712869377
30 August 2019 : the thing they put my pitch in came out like 4 months after my pitch and a friend texted me congrats on “my” thing and i was like what are you talking about and that’s how i found out
30 August 2019 : i pitched “everyone in friends is actually terrible” in 2015 when all the seasons were first put on netflix and the person i pitched it to stole it and claimed sole credit on the idea, that is how not-new that take is.
30 August 2019 : i pitched this same exact thesis in 2013 to a web series and one of the actors stole it and turned it into an episode
30 August 2019 : lol
30 August 2019 : he’s a LIMBY cuz they’re literally in his backyard
30 August 2019 : it’s tricky because the only on-record mentions were when they were a toddler and wanted to be called john but since nothing’s come out reversing that stance i think at the very least they should be referred to by their preferred name even if their gender identity isn’t clear?
30 August 2019 : so like, i’m pretty sure shiloh is john jolie-pitt’s deadname since they’ve consistently identified and presented as masc since they were a toddler?
30 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/jDoxjWwgLa
30 August 2019 : hahahahahaha oh my god humanity is a farce
30 August 2019 : THE PLURAL OF "CHEF" SHOULD BE CHEVES
30 August 2019 : hell yes!!!!!!
30 August 2019 : WATCH ADAM RUINS EVERYTHING https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ikXim4wevc
30 August 2019 : here is the link i cannot bear to engage with this topic further the intact hymen is not a sign of virginity as it can be torn in non-sexual circumstances OR can remain intact despite sex and this guy's family is an archaic nightmare from hell GOODBYE https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cx7vr0/my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check_my/
30 August 2019 : https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cx7vr0/my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check_my/
30 August 2019 : that is both disappointing and not at all surprising
30 August 2019 : your dude putting it off on "that's just what my family does" is him genuinely not trusting you and wanting to shirk the responsibility of being THAT GUY. if he trusted you, he wouldn't let his family look at or touch your genitals because THIS ISN'T THE 1600s
30 August 2019 : LOW BAR BRO
30 August 2019 : i just checked her comments and it gave me pre-puke watermouth i am genuinely so so so stressed out for her
30 August 2019 : i just took a dna test turns out i'm 100% that girl whose boyfriend's dad wants to look at my hymen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
30 August 2019 : im queasy https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cx7vr0/my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check_my/
30 August 2019 : whoever you are PLEASE dump him. you are an adult but you still have 8 years of your 20s to make life-altering mistakes don't stifle your growth because of some preconceived notion about what love is. BAIL ON THE WEDDING & LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY TO THE UBER DRIVER WHO GETS YOU OUT.
30 August 2019 : i am legit so stressed for that girl whose boyfriend's dad is planning to check her hymen her wedding is TOMORROW and there's still no update that she's called it off!!!!!!!!
30 August 2019 : do you have ibs
30 August 2019 : i am crossing my fingers that the photo of katie couric stays in
30 August 2019 : def not!
30 August 2019 : AHA I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!
30 August 2019 : i am 300 words over on a piece about pots and tbh i could keep going.
30 August 2019 : i’m saying!!!!
30 August 2019 : lol does that mean you have to shut the lid to stop yourself from pooping or
30 August 2019 : let’s change that 💕
30 August 2019 : narrator: she’s 22 and he’s 25 and they’re both too dumb to realize that a first love does not mean a realistic love :(
30 August 2019 : if i called my grandparents as often as i think “i should call my grandparents” they would tell me to stop calling so much.
30 August 2019 : @jamieloftusHELP have u seen
30 August 2019 : what could make it better
30 August 2019 : i watched it years ago & gave up cuz the situations were largely the same. someone grifting someone else to get a green card or all their money.
30 August 2019 : the answer is i’ll let the phase pass without joining in, same as when everyone insisted, bafflingly, on live tweeting their individual rewatches of all the lord of the rings movies
30 August 2019 : but everyone cool is doing it
30 August 2019 : will i be popular? will it make me pretty? please just tell me what to do
30 August 2019 : if i tweet about watching 90 day fiancé will i finally know peace
30 August 2019 : oh my god
30 August 2019 : 💗
30 August 2019 : put out some water in a tupperware bowl, should be sufficient for a lil bird bath/hydrating
30 August 2019 : i love & appreciate yall for taking the time to help inform & answer our questions :)
30 August 2019 : FAFSAs for everyone! https://twitter.com/gavinnewsom/status/1167154453708967937
30 August 2019 : hm an interesting suggestion!
29 August 2019 : exactly! my hours are better but i’m still just as mentally exhausted & singularly focused as when i worked 60 hours a week as a dishwasher & barista
29 August 2019 : can deliver for cost of bus fair
29 August 2019 : holy shit
29 August 2019 : it’s this assumption that if you’re not in a relationship you’re losing something and while it’s true that i’d like companionship i am too damn busy to be good for anyone and have no interest. it’s like someone telling me to eat cake right after i’ve told them i’m full
29 August 2019 : i tried dating while also working a ton and the result was 1. dude wanted to hang out & in the 20 minutes it took him to get here, i fell asleep & didn’t wake up for 2 hours. 2. went on a nice date & after saying i’d like to see her again i got another job & it’s been 2 months
29 August 2019 : i like that several answers derived by different means are pointing to the same thing. though i don’t see anywhere in the transcript where “hung” is said.
29 August 2019 : my mind is singularly focused on being able to afford to live and until that stability is found i do not have energy for anything beyond doing things that will pay my bills
29 August 2019 : i imagine its just like, whispering “jews will not replace us” over and over again
29 August 2019 : how to explain to someone the reason i am single, although partly due to zero interest being expressed (and not the cliche of “not being open to love”), is because i work too much to have time to pursue dating? why does that seem unbelievable.
29 August 2019 : hahahaha i love it
29 August 2019 : let’s hear it
29 August 2019 : i’m cancelling my flight right now
29 August 2019 : jenn are we gunna hang out
29 August 2019 : with his weird little british accent he picked up to cover the fact that he speaks like a toddler
29 August 2019 : well. he got 200k to pay for his scrapes & bruises that’ll carry him until he inevitably gets a job doing an ASMR for fascists podcast. https://twitter.com/willsommer/status/1166189517428219911
29 August 2019 : you figured it out
29 August 2019 : i know i’m a chaotic good because i like putting the lid down after i’ve used the toilet in a public bathroom
29 August 2019 : i’m gunna say the door between M & H cuz that one is 12 o’clock and it’s the only space where the letter times add up to the door time (11 + 1) also because someone in the replies made a word between those letters using a clue which is a much simpler answer my brain is mush now
29 August 2019 : holy shit
29 August 2019 : your joke tells me your hands are sweating with desperation to solve this riddle
29 August 2019 : also there’s no “hung”?
29 August 2019 : thanks bud
29 August 2019 : that’d be 12 o’clock which makes sense
29 August 2019 : i do think the clock thing has legs but hard to guess what time you’d leave at
29 August 2019 : i tried first to do the alphabet around the letters figuring it’d unscramble something but without paper that’d be tough so then i tried turning it into a clock & numbering the doors & letters as time and now i believe 9/11 was an inside job pic.twitter.com/3u0VwqO7Tb
29 August 2019 : this has turned me into an insane person https://twitter.com/jessmisener/status/1166448813931974660
29 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/ucSOdAaTXt
29 August 2019 : now is a good time to take all the winter clothes out of the suitcase in the closet so they can hang and get unwrinkled by the time they are needed. also good time to sort & donate coats so folks can get warm before it’s freezing.
29 August 2019 : could do just fine in a meat stew but suspect it’d be too much for lighter soups
29 August 2019 : i’m not sure it’d do as a universal replacement given its pronounced musky flavor but with complementing foods like gravy or mushrooms or even adding to risotto it would do well
29 August 2019 : i’m going through a “i want to master all the legumes” phase and it is not! going! well!
29 August 2019 : seems like the simplest explanation that, when you try it, you’ll be like “ohhhhhhhhh.” just grab a quart next time you’re at the store & add it to whatever you typically add stock to, see the difference. it’s almost like roasted mushrooms, but with a definitive marrow accent.
29 August 2019 : fuuick
29 August 2019 : bone broth is stock’s evil twin. darker, muskier. can stand alone to satisfy if one is not allowed to consume solids, because it is heavier.
29 August 2019 : i want a summit ice jacket so bad it’s insane
29 August 2019 : i added chicken bone broth to red lentils w a lil curry powder and my opinion is that i think the musky marrow flavor meshes well with the earthy starchiness. it adds a mushroomy depth where stock adds a sort of buttery-ness. i am good at words and know many of them.
29 August 2019 : consider: bone broth instead of stock. thoughts?
29 August 2019 : can not express enough how truly excellent the title “MURDER HOUSE FLIP” is. it is the stuff of satire.
29 August 2019 : me too
29 August 2019 : “we need a name for our show where we flip houses wherein people have been murdered. it needs to be catchy, succinct.” “what about death she sold?” “mmm, too cerebral. something that feeds the brain worms of our ideal audience.”
29 August 2019 : @TheRachelFisher @DesiJed
29 August 2019 : oh my god https://twitter.com/pamelacolloff/status/1167064847844032514
29 August 2019 : just saying, supertramp deserves a revival.
29 August 2019 : not telling people that they should know and love supertramp feels to me like being two ships in the night in foggy weather, just waiting for fresh winds to blow. maybe we’re losing one another. i could be wrong, i don’t know.
29 August 2019 : it was me. thank you!
29 August 2019 : good morning pic.twitter.com/D19x9ImO8v
29 August 2019 : 4 more months until we are finally in the 20s and we can refer to decades normally again. “aughts” & “10s” what a fuckin joke
29 August 2019 : i’m sure this is a funny lil zinger but i can’t process “10s” as a decade indicator and it’s stressing me out https://twitter.com/topherflorence/status/1166682855528906753
29 August 2019 : it’s nonalcoholic, which i think must be the thing that makes it tolerable.
29 August 2019 : my coworker asked me if i’ve heard the new missy yet and i explained that i am waiting until a day off when i have the time to fully allow it to enter my soul uninterrupted by the busy goings on of work because it is a seminal moment that deserves its space and she said “same”
29 August 2019 : i found a kombucha that isn’t disgusting and it has a lil bernie sanders on it :’) pic.twitter.com/lbSDkPxJp9
29 August 2019 : i had a supervisor who is still cursed
29 August 2019 : we had a sudden late rush while training some new kid & i was sweatin but then it died out as soon as he left and i think he might be cursed?
29 August 2019 : the sassy fat woman schtick is as tired as it is reductive, and comedians owe it to themselves to be better than that. own it, don’t let it own you.
29 August 2019 : omg!!!!!!
28 August 2019 : disagree. consumers standing in solidarity with workers and making demands of the company from both sides not only shows the company the internal threat but the external, financial one.
28 August 2019 : i have to go to work now but if any editors are interested you can dm me here or email me taliajanework @ gmail xoxoxoxoxo
28 August 2019 : first thing you can do to help popeyes workers: stop ordering the sandwich and tell others to stop, too. tell them the toll this craze is having on the workers, how they aren’t seeing a dime from this - just the chaos.
28 August 2019 : i would like to write about the popeyes sandwich craze’s impact on workers, from a pro-union line cook perspective & what people in general can do to help folks stuck in insanely demanding jobs for insufficient pay.
28 August 2019 : is there anything non-popeyes folks can do to help build up solidarity, including but not limited to sharing stuff to get others involved?
28 August 2019 : yes higher deductibles means lower monthly payments but the existence of deductibles largely negates the purpose of insurance
28 August 2019 : i am on medicaid & have no car or home and i highly recommend it
28 August 2019 : imo if you pay into insurance, deductibles should not exist & you should not need to fork out a ton of cash every month just to make sure you’re not bankrupted later. the whole profit model is based on fear.
28 August 2019 : but then you’re still paying monthly for insurance that...might not even insure you? or you take a lower deductible & pay more each month. the options are really: would you like to get shafted now, consistently every month? or get shafted big time later? tough call.
28 August 2019 : the general rule w deductibles for any insurance is if you’re healthy, your home or car are new/safe/etc, you should take a higher deductible so you have lower monthly payments bc you’re betting you likely won’t need it. the result is less - or no! - coverage in event of disaster
28 August 2019 : but your dentist gets immediate $500 plus a later payment from your insurance, assuming your insurance decides to pay & doesn’t find some technicality to avoid portions or your whole claim that results in you now owing even more.
28 August 2019 : have no evidence but would not be surprised if deductibles help artificially inflate costs. if you have a $500 deductible for dental work, that means the dentist gets $500 from you and can get even more from your insurance, but did you get $500 worth of treatment? likely no.
28 August 2019 : i hate the word “deductible” because it is deceptive and confusing. when you see “deductible” in insurance your mind thinks “deduct = you pay less” when in reality it is baseline out of pocket cost you have to pay before insurance kicks in. should be called “wallet killer.”
28 August 2019 : I spoke with several hundred bedbugs who unanimously expressed anger and deep offense at being likened to a New York Times columnist.
28 August 2019 : HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH
28 August 2019 : woah wtf
28 August 2019 : i’m interested to know who is diggin klobuchar
28 August 2019 : rip tulsi & marianne & delaney 😔
28 August 2019 : woooooow gillibrand didn’t make the cut but klobuchar did? https://twitter.com/mmurraypolitics/status/1166698961979269120
28 August 2019 : this reads like it’s from one of those t-shirts facebook targets at you based on your post & engagement history. anyway y’all are fuckin dumb lmao
28 August 2019 : is oxymoron
28 August 2019 : the next column is gunna be fuckin hilarious
28 August 2019 : congrats!!!! hell yeah!!!!
28 August 2019 : bret stephens is clearly extremely normal and none of his obsessive behavior over twitter is at all indicative of why everything he writes is useless nonsense spewed out by a child with a thesaurus https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1166691934364217345
28 August 2019 : ya there’s one near my work!
28 August 2019 : hmm @fightfor15 would y’all be down to help popeyes workers agitate for fair wages & better working conditions?
28 August 2019 : the trouble is i am broke and i get off work way after they close :(
28 August 2019 : what is a Doral bedbug
28 August 2019 : i have been fantasizing about stopping into a nearby popeyes and just hand out like, gift bags with bath bombs & foot soaks & lil flyers advertising the iww.
28 August 2019 : couldn’t stop thinking about these quotes from the BI interview with popeye’s employees throughout my shift today. https://www.businessinsider.com/popeyes-workers-describe-chicken-sandwich-demand-chaos-2019-8 pic.twitter.com/im4IDrMxep
28 August 2019 : i want 😩😩😩😩😩
28 August 2019 : maybe they changed them to bring up the coloring of the space for the show?
27 August 2019 : i’m so glad this is being reported on, and doubly glad it’s YOU doing the reporting.
27 August 2019 : HELL YES
27 August 2019 : lol you’re not wrong
27 August 2019 : i love drunkenly bonding with women. they are so insistent on the necessity of their recommendations explicitly to help you become a better person for no reason other than that they genuinely care about your wellbeing, despite having never met before.
27 August 2019 : i want to formally apologize to several people for misleading them tonight when i loudly said i was going home to do laundry. this was before i got the spins on the subway after (3) hard ciders & instead ate leftovers in bed. i will work every day to regain your trust.
27 August 2019 : that’s all i need
27 August 2019 : lmao
27 August 2019 : i’m glad this joke got no traction but has been replicated in essence everywhere
27 August 2019 : we are quite the pair
27 August 2019 : you’ll have to cut your hair or wear a cap
27 August 2019 : i don’t trust him as far as i can throw him, and though i am swole i lack the back strength necessary to do that
27 August 2019 : in any case i found my halloween costume please invite me to parties
27 August 2019 : thank you 🙏
27 August 2019 : ah!
27 August 2019 : that explains it!
27 August 2019 : in my memory the dog is holding the coffee in the second frame. is this the mandala effect or am i just stupid
27 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/C1GMBbR9ty
27 August 2019 : cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool https://twitter.com/axios/status/1166222612730499072
27 August 2019 : you’re gritting against a grifter
27 August 2019 : also you missed a hilarious show
27 August 2019 : i will never have friends 😭😭😭😭
27 August 2019 : i was verified before realizing it’s a bogus metric that largely serves to flatter one’s ego. but here’s my wikipedia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talia_Jane
27 August 2019 : blessed - nay, fortified! - getting to hang out with @caitorade after her incredibly hilarious show. here is us looking extremely hot!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/55zzshOiQN
27 August 2019 : harry where you at https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1166146519441035264
27 August 2019 : a toilet selfie is my highest possible endorsement of @caitorade ’s brilliant, hilarious shrew-ed pic.twitter.com/COt0NPk7sY
27 August 2019 : this show is SO GOOD and you’re STUPID to miss it https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1166162816501526528
27 August 2019 : hmmmmmmmm
27 August 2019 : it’s happening!!!! i’m here!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/XLP1YyTvuz
27 August 2019 : *sigh* go girl. yas kween. this movie is going to reinforce the dangerous myth of bootstrapping but go awf sis u got this etc etc https://twitter.com/deadline/status/1166148207077756928
27 August 2019 : why don’t they call em ketchips
27 August 2019 : esp if it’s that stuffy ‘trash was taken out anticipating this moment’ ghost trash smell
27 August 2019 : the smell
27 August 2019 : name a more heart-wrenchingly Of Its Time consistently quality jam than “I Want It That Way”
27 August 2019 : @TheHarryCherry harry come hang out with me i’m going to a show in midtown
27 August 2019 : anyone thinking it’s a trick to “make the leftists lose their minds” well buddy it works
27 August 2019 : i can’t believe harry cherry did that
27 August 2019 : dang it
27 August 2019 : tbf that’s a CUTE combo
27 August 2019 : 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
27 August 2019 : post screenshots
27 August 2019 : lol like january for y’all right
27 August 2019 : it was not, no
27 August 2019 : i’m so ready for fall i put on a turtleneck and yelled “HELL YEAH” then i saw a leaf on the ground and i yelled “HELL YEAH” then i saw someone wearing shorts and i slapped them
26 August 2019 : if you reach out to me, your name/info will be kept fully confidential and i can pass along details on organizing & presenting union acknowledgment to the company as a collective. you can email me securely taliajane @ protonmail . com
26 August 2019 : solidarity to popeyes workers getting fully fucked over with zero pay increases to match the increased demand & influx of rudeasses. if you work at popeyes & are interested in unionizing, feel free to reach out to me or by contacting the @iww directly. we are here for you. ✊ https://twitter.com/highheelesquire/status/1166120537099264000
26 August 2019 : he babby pic.twitter.com/KG0hWtlrp8
26 August 2019 : i didn’t hate cory booker until this tweet lol
26 August 2019 : collective action gets the goods!
26 August 2019 : i can’t believe he turned just from people constantly asking if his name is really harry cherry
26 August 2019 : this is the most vegan effort to quote tweet slam i’ve ever seen https://twitter.com/corybooker/status/1166128049412349952
26 August 2019 : i would make so many friends in prison omg
26 August 2019 : can’t wait to get thrown in debtors prison so i can agitate the masses and then we revolt from the inside and overthrow the government at last
26 August 2019 : periods, yashar.
26 August 2019 : it’s gunna be just like last time. the rich get richer and i stay ignoring calls from the department of education.
26 August 2019 : apparently not!
26 August 2019 : if you’re in retail, look into food service jobs. that advice applies regardless of the economy. working retail fuckin blows.
26 August 2019 : all you need to do right now is check in on your stuff. if you’re in stocks, consider shifting some to longer term CDs. if you have debt, see if you can get it consolidated for a lower fixed interest rate.
26 August 2019 : the trouble with sudden mainstream interest in possible recession is it freaks people out and causes them to dump their shares or refinance their loans, creating a recessive blip.
26 August 2019 : so, yeah, it’s coming and it’s going to be real fuckin bad. but it’s been coming. so no need to sweat over sudden interest at louder signs. now is a good time to examine your finances and your debts and see what could use a little attention, but don’t rush anything.
26 August 2019 : unions & workers rights have been gradually destabilized & hollowed out alongside enormous govt spending & untenable student loan debt & tax breaks for billionaires. plus, obama’s recession fixes weren’t meant to be permanent. just something to get us back on our feet.
26 August 2019 : yes everyone is talking about an impending recession right now but it’s important to know that the next recession has been brewing for the last few years and it’s going to happen no matter how much you freak out about it
26 August 2019 : lol
26 August 2019 : still time to be my date to thisssss
26 August 2019 : my first forever struggle was with squirrel (squirell). i can never remember which letters get doubled.
26 August 2019 : my phone says it’s hemorrhoids but my fingers always write hemmrhoids https://twitter.com/phunky_brewster/status/1165801396781891584
26 August 2019 : love a *day **at the ***beach *long shit **on the ***toilet
26 August 2019 : every day is international pet day. post pics and express how much you love them every day.
26 August 2019 : either time is blazing past at a rate i can’t process or there’s an international dog day or cat day or pet day every two weeks
26 August 2019 : writing articles is like getting a tattoo. as soon as the needle hits you're thinking about what your next one should be.
26 August 2019 : can someone please chuckle knowingly with me at the fact that i pitched an idea while on deadline for a yet-unwritten piece which i haven't started writing because i'm in the middle of edits on a different piece
26 August 2019 : that’s just bret & maureen https://twitter.com/stuartathompson/status/1166030096685314050
26 August 2019 : WITH CHEESE holy shit that is boss levels
26 August 2019 : what is this from it’s gorgeous
26 August 2019 : HELL YES!!!!!!!!
26 August 2019 : 100% THEY ARE CHILI CHEESE FRITOS FOR LIFE https://twitter.com/benjaminbirdie/status/1166022573462831104
26 August 2019 : they’re buttery and mellow. i legit didn’t understand how people could dislike avocados until i moved out of CA & experienced flavorless or earwax-y ones and then i was like OH, WOW, OKAY.
26 August 2019 : OF COURSE. it was difficult opening the front door to bring them in - a gal walked into the building as i was scrambling to get ahold of them and i sheepishly said “wait!” while reaching out my arm toward the door and watching as it slowly closed. but i got em!!!!
26 August 2019 : oh my gosh am i writing a story about a woman finding herself in a low budget version of eat pray love...by living it??
26 August 2019 : 1. met up with a complete stranger for dinner 2. meeting up with another complete stranger (in pdx!) to learn how to sharpen knives, was unfazed being told he has a lot of knives 3. begging someone to go with me to a comedy show in the middle of nowhere it's normal shit, babe!
26 August 2019 : i simply cannot get enough of this poster. i could stare at it until i die. which might be tonight for one lucky murderer out there!
26 August 2019 : good morning. whom is interested in taking me to @caitorade 's show tonight? i already have a ticket, i just need someone to laugh with :) we can hang out before or after, just don't hang me out to dry!!!!! https://hellskitchen.ucbtheatre.com/performance/69754
26 August 2019 : *vigorously searching for an @amandamull piece on these monstrosities* ahhhh of course https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/07/millennials-love-canned-cocktails/594901/
26 August 2019 : feels like when you first stuff vaporub in your nostrils to clear your congestion.
26 August 2019 : does anyone else feel extremely light after you figure out how to button a piece of writing, like the demon of writing has been exorcised from your mind?
26 August 2019 : you, basic: i just hit inbox zero! me, amazing: im holdin steady @ inbox NICE pic.twitter.com/6WTo6vkInJ
26 August 2019 : ....................someone tell her to email me when she's back on earth
26 August 2019 : so.... is the space crimes astronaut........... single?
26 August 2019 : exactly
26 August 2019 : the deep fried bbq pizza thing is a great example for why people avoid learning how to cook because they're afraid their lack of skills will result in inedible food they can't afford to lose
26 August 2019 : ah, added after cooking. the original looks like it was added beforehand as well as after.
26 August 2019 : you know it ;)
26 August 2019 : although i have no interest in owning or purchasing a springform pan. someone loan me a springform pan to make this sacrilege.
26 August 2019 : im like laugh crying at my bank account cuz i wanna blow a shitton of cash on.... this piece of shit recipe but i can't possibly spend any money so i'm just rocking back and forth laughing nervously to myself
26 August 2019 : in the pics it clearly shows there's zero bbq sauce on the pre-baked chicken and zero after shredding.
26 August 2019 : if someone loans me the cash i will make the insane recipe (correctly) and upload a single video of the endeavor.
26 August 2019 : if i didn't have -$400 in my bank account i would buy these ingredients and do the recipe and explain why things are done a certain way just out of SPITE. for example when breading stuff, one hand is for dry, one hand is for wet. don't shake the fuckin egg off.
26 August 2019 : it wouldn't put you out??? i don't wanna take new/in-use gear!!
26 August 2019 : he forgot the bbq sauce for the chicken and blamed the recipe. he tried to shake off all the egg during breading. he used a too-shallow pan to fry in. and instead of using a flat sheet tray, he put the thing in a cast iron to cook for the pizza portion. he made the worst, worse.
26 August 2019 : holy shit yes
26 August 2019 : oh my god this is a nightmare https://twitter.com/chezspence/status/1165658509570170880
26 August 2019 : every time i open photobooth 'just to see what nsa sees' i scare myself pic.twitter.com/nx3eZaohOU
26 August 2019 : that's.... that's not how it works.
26 August 2019 : uh https://twitter.com/RawStory/status/1125496411611631621
26 August 2019 : can you BELIEVE IT?
26 August 2019 : wow
26 August 2019 : phenomenally stupid day online today. just incredible.
26 August 2019 : guess u gotta take ' #resist ' outta that bio now
26 August 2019 : honestly, either is fine.
26 August 2019 : it is not difficult to see the steady steps toward such a descent, as it is typically rooted in endlessly seeking the loudest possible position, yet it still feels sad when the maybe becomes a definite and what could've been becomes lost.
26 August 2019 : good idea! i plan to start w my roommate's incredibly dull set before unleashing on my own. if only i had...the stones.
26 August 2019 : 2016 made roseanne's brain melt and 2020 melted tom's.
26 August 2019 : the irony of this is unreal https://twitter.com/TomArnold/status/1165762404174557185
26 August 2019 : if any of my neighbors want to toss a whetstone set in the trash for me that'd be great
26 August 2019 : i want to purchase a whetstone set (ideally going up to 6000!) and become deeply obsessed w my knives but they cost money and i have none :(
26 August 2019 : i will sell these to him for $500 each
26 August 2019 : please don’t arrest me soboroffs
26 August 2019 : i’m scared
26 August 2019 : nuke it
26 August 2019 : how did this pic cause the milk mustache trend? he doesn't have one in the pic. did he fuck the milk and get a mustache around his dick?
26 August 2019 : i love selling alcoholic lacroix to people old enough to have unironically shouted “it’s the catalina wine mixer!” at their college graduation party
26 August 2019 : this HAS to end pic.twitter.com/Jdia4jptIa
26 August 2019 : disbelief
26 August 2019 : i was 3 in 1993
26 August 2019 : i just became 200% more lactose intolerant thanks pic.twitter.com/PHuOCGS6JF
26 August 2019 : oh nooooooo
26 August 2019 : honored 🙏
26 August 2019 : no it’s just brooklyn lol
26 August 2019 : i love summer vacation weekends in nyc. it’s got “the 405 is empty because it’s burning man/coachella” levels.
26 August 2019 : hear it’s bad
26 August 2019 : i AM a farting hero!
26 August 2019 : @tomhanks come over
26 August 2019 : i don’t know!!! but they also tossed a few leather-type boxes that hold cassette tapes and removing the cassette holder part is easy so now i have 2 extremely cute lil boxes!!!
26 August 2019 : t hx
26 August 2019 : don’t ever
26 August 2019 : @iamchrisscott and it’ll type “yes”
26 August 2019 : it’s how we got half of our furniture tbh
26 August 2019 : i’ll be up and i’ll be like ‘yo i should tweet this’
26 August 2019 : how do i change typewriter ribbon! how do you clean a typewriter! i am going to find out and then i will finally ascend to my final form as greg kinnear in you’ve got mail!
26 August 2019 : there’s a section in our trash area that’s like ‘giveaway’ stuff. these were gently placed among cassette tapes & some old speakers
26 August 2019 : YOU KNOW I WILL
26 August 2019 : $500!
26 August 2019 : i was just walking home, thinking “should i learn how to blow dry my hair?” and as i got to my gate and spotted these pearls i said, out loud, “ho-o-o-o-old on a sec”
26 August 2019 : holy fuck someone dumped two beautiful typewriters in our building trash i’m shaking pic.twitter.com/F0KPzO8JmC
26 August 2019 : I KNEW IT
26 August 2019 : i’m so glad!!! i hope we get to do it again after you’re done leaving the country, which has nothing to do with avoiding me!
26 August 2019 : unless you’re asking me what you should do to my crotch 😎 https://twitter.com/astrokatie/status/1165800555903672321
26 August 2019 : an LDR is honestly ideal for where i’m at in life, working three jobs and all. but you’re welcome to come visit!
26 August 2019 : should i get a knife bag? i don’t think this is ideal. well, for warding off weirdos, it’s great. but. pic.twitter.com/RSeynR4Lob
26 August 2019 : date me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
26 August 2019 : YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
26 August 2019 : train inexplicably sitting in the station forever. time to catch up on hwcs, a delightful podcast that rigorously researches and cites its sources & isn’t hosted by two wack dudes 💕 pic.twitter.com/IYpSwDYTmV
26 August 2019 : SEÑOR MINTS
26 August 2019 : i put out a call for dates and she responded!
26 August 2019 : you have to try really hard to get this level of busted
26 August 2019 : a million thank yous to adventurous, wholesome, entirely amazing @crispycrise for taking me out on a date with a complete stranger for the sake of trying something potentially disastrous!! you are a JOY and a WONDER and i wish you a happy birthday week for the rest of our lives! https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1165782025950892032
26 August 2019 : i am biased but recommend it!
26 August 2019 : the levels of old in this!!!!!
26 August 2019 : isn’t she just GORGEOUS?
26 August 2019 : so........ who is taking me out on a date to @caitorade ’s show tomorrow night?
26 August 2019 : also: my whole date thing was just a RUSE to make a NEW FRIEND and it WORKED?! !!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/8DG3UH9Mb2
26 August 2019 : @crispycrise !!!!!!!!!
26 August 2019 : omg it is!!!!!!
26 August 2019 : here is a birthday card i asked her to buy ‘for my friend’ because i forgot to bring one from home but surprise it’s for her. i asked her what to write and she asked how much my friend means to me and i said “a lot?” and she said “you should write that” so i did pic.twitter.com/ZgIJta1AeK
26 August 2019 : hello i am still alive. we ate dinner and dessert and tea. here she is opening a gift bag i got for her because it is her birthday week that she thought wasn’t for her. pic.twitter.com/5b4TLJ0fTI
26 August 2019 : ty anthony ❤️
25 August 2019 : you know what podcast talks about factual information while also being entertaining AND cites their sources AND isn’t hosted by dudes? @hwoodcrimescene .
25 August 2019 : how can i take her seriously when she doesn’t even care that THE SLAP got cancelled?
25 August 2019 : no promises!
25 August 2019 : thanks it’s covering deep lines from the bandana i wore under my hat at work
25 August 2019 : her silence about THE SLAP is damning pic.twitter.com/YUM3hRY5Lm
25 August 2019 : do-do a dollop of plagiarism
25 August 2019 : on my way to my date with a complete stranger! if i’m murdered, please know that i died in vain. pic.twitter.com/PGll7u8Ypd
25 August 2019 : gunna use this next time someone actually’s me
25 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/rOFRp6up35
25 August 2019 : you’ve never had a california avocado - in california.
25 August 2019 : ❤️💗❤️
25 August 2019 : tilting feet down plus lifting one up shows that floating is occurring vs standing w legs equal & feet flat. though i always imagined it was a way to flex that made the flying go. you flex ur feet straight down, lift leg up, u go up. move foot left, u go left. idk.
25 August 2019 : haunting!
25 August 2019 : i retweeted something that you replied to, which automatically included me.
25 August 2019 : don’t @ me in tweets like this
25 August 2019 : in 5-10 years when the seas boil
25 August 2019 : yeah man
25 August 2019 : being able to afford to retire at 29 is mindboggling. also he’s already gotten tons of injuries that will cause lasting issues, so there’s not much “before.” he’d have had to retire his second year of peewee ball to avoid that.
25 August 2019 : andrew luck retiring at 29 is the biggest slap in the face to millennials who, at 29, are just barely coming to terms with the reality that they’ll have to work until they die.
25 August 2019 : let’s fall in love w each other
25 August 2019 : i thought his name was jay
25 August 2019 : wearing a pair of tomi lahren star-spangled athleisure pants to smash some cop cars n the cops won’t be able to stop me cuz they’ll be busy saluting my legs
25 August 2019 : i just had one with sriracha (oh man, so good) and it reminded me of the sugar thing (so wrong)
25 August 2019 : your line looks like shit & your wannabe edgy gimmick is fuckin embarrassing
25 August 2019 : update: i have a date sunday night with a complete stranger. on monday night i am attending @caitorade ’s show, which promises to be hilarious. if anyone would like to attend that with me & grab drinks after, you can get tix here: https://hellskitchen.ucbtheatre.com/performance/69754 https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1164767127959506944
25 August 2019 : oh my god are y’all trying to kill me https://twitter.com/bonappetit/status/1165253440093773831
25 August 2019 : i know! every time i think it i think of you cuz you first voiced what i’d been thinking!!!
25 August 2019 : their biscuits are hella good
25 August 2019 : i don’t plan on going until well after the hype has died down & the workers have a chance to catch their breath. if the hype never dies down? well then i’ll never try it, but i’ll be proud they pulled off such a successful campaign & hope the workers agitate for better wages.
25 August 2019 : oh for sure. you do adjust to that kind of traffic, but when it hits outta nowhere it’s a challenge to adapt your routine for higher volume & that takes a few weeks of extremely exhausting shifts.
25 August 2019 : omg i never went to summer camp but i was an isolated, single child and that motivates my low bar
25 August 2019 : i’m genuinely so happy for popeyes? https://twitter.com/nycsouthpaw/status/1165413557179011072
25 August 2019 : if you’ve been waiting for a topic to write your movie about, well,
24 August 2019 : in 2009 i had a boyfriend and he thought people to put sugar on avocados and i told him no, it’s salt you put on avocados, but he was certain it was sugar so i texted every number in my phone book to ask if they use sugar or salt and most of the answers were “who is this”
24 August 2019 : i am too exhausted to go out so instead i am trying the somewhat controversial technique of “facetiming in so it’s like i’m there” it’s not going well pic.twitter.com/GalqwD6LbX
24 August 2019 : kenobi’s favorite laying position is on his back with his legs splayed out and every time i catch him doing it my heart laughs. freddie is obsessed with the ottoman, which is not as funny unless you’re trying to put your legs up & he refuses to move. pic.twitter.com/VRPCdjmH1c
24 August 2019 : i was good @ bbq chicken salad
24 August 2019 : also works!
24 August 2019 : this.....is.....the..... recipe that never ends, recipe that never ends, recipe that never ends
24 August 2019 : the thing used to put stuff in and take stuff out of the fry oil
24 August 2019 : i counted all the dishes you’d have to wash to make that deep fried shredded bbq chicken tortilla pizza monstrosity (serves 6) and... i’m tired https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1165399566763667457
24 August 2019 : reasonable response
24 August 2019 : 7 small bowls (x2.5), big bowl (x3), roast pan, springform pan, dutch oven, 2 cake pans, ceramic roasting pan, large pot, pizza grill board, cutting board (x2) plus spatula (blue), tongs (rubber), 2 forks, spatula (white), tongs (metal), spoon (x2), canned food, knife, spider
24 August 2019 : i was supposed to be gone an hour ago but i can’t even get up to shower because he wants to “hold my hand” (hold my finger with his paw) while laying on my neck pic.twitter.com/lGp82Zok8Z
24 August 2019 : ty i found it at a thrift shop & it’s like a 2xl so i cut the arms & bottom & collar!
24 August 2019 : jesus christ that’s like seven hours of cooking for... that
24 August 2019 : hell fuckin yeah
24 August 2019 : dm me the address i’ll head over
24 August 2019 : @ed_solomon have y’all wrapped already or can i catch a background role
24 August 2019 : she was a skater boi she said she you later boy she wasn’t good enough for anyone pic.twitter.com/bo5feg3ZQM
24 August 2019 : didn’t realize u were a brazilian journalist on top of everything else. your hustle game knows no bounds!
24 August 2019 : daaaaaaaaaamg
24 August 2019 : omg
24 August 2019 : exCUSE ME
24 August 2019 : i’d love to ride his butt
24 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/I9788BsOl9
24 August 2019 : his butt is probably as famous as he is
24 August 2019 : bangs
24 August 2019 : impressive work, daisy!
24 August 2019 : i think that’d be a good addition but i also think the crown on its own is perfect. tough call.
24 August 2019 : i love 💗
24 August 2019 : is that tat of the wild things crown??
24 August 2019 : fun that they’re trying to act tough when the wimp bitch unblocked me real quick after the last court order https://twitter.com/politico/status/1165039792469491713
24 August 2019 : swag
24 August 2019 : i can’t believe how good this photo my roommate took of freddie being a primadonna is pic.twitter.com/3fnckAWy9b
24 August 2019 : i have been car-free for three years and it boggles my mind that anyone could afford one
24 August 2019 : save BIG on home and auto insurance by not owning a home or car
24 August 2019 : worth noting to anyone rushing to watch the new season bc of this that the butt is clothed
24 August 2019 : i suspected it might have that effect
24 August 2019 : the second his butt makes its debut i’m like “THAT’S why he’s in this”
24 August 2019 : nobody talking enough about how chris meloni was cast in s3 of handmaid’s tale specifically for deploying that famous bubble butt
24 August 2019 : late 1960s through 1970s, with flecks of hair & glitter rock of the 80s for those fun karaoke bops https://twitter.com/mcdavidaggro/status/1165266998843936773
24 August 2019 : 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💕
24 August 2019 : man whoever created that one must be raking in the dough
24 August 2019 : to me it is lowercase calligraphic cursive, usually in gold. but i think there was a pinterest font before this pinterest font, and i can’t remember what it was.
24 August 2019 : what font do you think of when someone says “the pinterest font”?
24 August 2019 : practicing labor law while watching the mets blow a lead
24 August 2019 : i can’t express how nice it feels going from the person who knows how to do everything that no one listens to to being the newbie who’s still figuring out the most efficient ways to knock out prep while working the line
24 August 2019 : one of my coworkers last night told me they’d never want to work at my last job because, being a line cook, they could clearly tell the line was a disaster & the team was chaos & all i could do was vigorously nod my head and say “yes”
24 August 2019 : aw i missed it :( pic.twitter.com/rl58mUqlsq
24 August 2019 : season 3 of parks & rec stays heartwarming.
24 August 2019 : legit offended that folks don’t absolutely lose themselves in extremely emotional loud guitar solos
24 August 2019 : ruined by a 30-year old @def_not_emma lemme tag u in pics bitch pic.twitter.com/ALjPIEEfqh
24 August 2019 : lol
24 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/qMAoDKTXDT
24 August 2019 : oh you know what it is? it’s the pea protein. that’s what gives it the texture.
24 August 2019 : seriously!!!! what!!!!
24 August 2019 : ruined by a 22-year old pic.twitter.com/2Umc1nGNr9
24 August 2019 : ben & jerry’s non-dairy ice creams are so good i had to double check the pint to make sure i was eating non-dairy oh man wow
24 August 2019 : 😰😰😰😰😰
24 August 2019 : every day theres cupcakes and balloons and we build a nook with a fuzzy blanket and a bunch of pillows with an electric kettle and chamomile tea for folks who need a lil breather
24 August 2019 : awwww
24 August 2019 : someone should hire us at the same company
24 August 2019 : oh no their lifespans are so short :(
24 August 2019 : i got off work at 1:23am, much later than usual, because we were slammed during service, and naturally the first thing i did was go into a bodega that’s still open and look at plants and dream of having a desk job ew
24 August 2019 : gotta get the job first!
24 August 2019 : seems more like a sunburst than a mooooon but i respect it nonetheless
24 August 2019 : i don’t know yet! i have to poll my future coworkers and create an elaborate playoff system to determine its name!
24 August 2019 : i don’t know yet
24 August 2019 : of course
24 August 2019 : i want a job where i have a desk and i have one of these weird succs on it and it has a name and everyone at my job knows its name and treats it as part of the team pic.twitter.com/V8YRmGb7xm
23 August 2019 : i’m so stoked to catch this show MONDAY NIGHT that i TRIED MAKING TIME MOVE FASTER
23 August 2019 : wait. is it tomorrow? what’s today. is today sunday? holy fuck.
23 August 2019 : i’m so fuckin STOKED to catch this show tomorrow night. @caitorade is a comedy behemoth and holy shit this is gunna be so good https://hellskitchen.ucbtheatre.com/performance/69754 pic.twitter.com/3Lw6aLQkkB
23 August 2019 : 😎😎
23 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/jte3gkyraL
23 August 2019 : 😩😩 pobrecitaaaaa
23 August 2019 : yeah i think benadryl’s the way to go. if you have cortisone cream that may also help. i think neosporin also works. i’m sorry :( that’s so aggravating!
23 August 2019 : are you able to pop a benadryl? (do they have nondrowsy benadryl?)
23 August 2019 : they were all born at 4:20 am i right 😎😎
23 August 2019 : i have a theory that new baby smell is just condensed vag juice that bakes into their skin and when you sniff a baby’s head like “ah, love that smell” you’re just enjoying fermented coochie yeast. i shan’t be proven wrong.
23 August 2019 : counterpoint: no it’s not
23 August 2019 : just found out david koch named me in his will so everyone please stop being mean to him he was a Good Man wait why am i tweeting i’m rich i gotta go buy a country SEE YA
23 August 2019 : mostly i’m just trying to get invited to a party
23 August 2019 : i am also available for lactose intolerant folks having an ice cream party on david koch’s grave
23 August 2019 : 🤔
23 August 2019 : if you come across an event for drinking a bunch of water and ~casually~ hanging out at david koch’s grave ~for no reason~ can you pls invite me thx
23 August 2019 : no def not it’s Art
23 August 2019 : it is a last ditch “please, i hate this so much but i am so desperate. please.” despite illiciting immediate/successful response, it feels bad, man!
23 August 2019 : it is not exactly empowering, to willfully jeopardize a resource because i cannot survive. there is not a sense of defeating The Man, in this. but it is comforting to have my desperation be heard, if not icky for feeling pressured to share that desperation.
23 August 2019 : hello i sent my first “attached is a late fee” email and i feel terrible to have used harsh email voice and potentially soiled an otherwise lovely work relationship. but i also need to pay my electricity bill and can’t conceivably put that off for another month, so.
23 August 2019 : ding dong the koch is dead!!!!!!!!
23 August 2019 : [the look when she knows you forgot to clean the toaster that you said you’d get to]
23 August 2019 : killed a really beautiful baby during the first draft run through. always hurts when a golden cherub doesn't make it to the editor for them to abort for you. so it goes.
23 August 2019 : HANNAH STOP IT
23 August 2019 : i thought AMERICAN HISTORY X would be like an x-rated historical documentary about america's porn industry HOO BOY https://twitter.com/toddlevin/status/1164598223274536960
23 August 2019 : first selfie on my phone vs. most recent pic.twitter.com/LhgMToSb1c
23 August 2019 : this is how i discovered i can’t send photos on google voice and i saved two peta sexy cow pictures for NOTHING* *my personal enjoyment
23 August 2019 : why am i doing this pic.twitter.com/YsSDTxp0pg
23 August 2019 : no!
23 August 2019 : just you wait for the camping. oh, the camping. oh.
23 August 2019 : is goddamn everyone in brooklyn in a relationship wtf break up and date me!!!!!!!
23 August 2019 : I COULD NOT STOP CRYING
23 August 2019 : delete this bette
23 August 2019 : guillotine the stars
23 August 2019 : this fuckwit will literally do anything for a paycheck
23 August 2019 : lol those things sound very pleasant. i hope someday, should i get a job that allows me to take a vacation, i can come visit :)
23 August 2019 : thank you you luscious lil dream!!!!!!!!!!!!
23 August 2019 : JUST MY 2¢ !!!!
23 August 2019 : a really quick, easy way to make DWTS a politics-free zone? don't cast sean "mouthpiece for fascist insanity" spicer. https://twitter.com/THR/status/1164575332671860740
23 August 2019 : tell me where to move
23 August 2019 : if anyone i've met irl wants to use this space to describe what i'm like irl instead of me just insisting i'm not as intimidating or hyper in person (although i am very strong) that would be.....................cool!
23 August 2019 : honestly if this leads to anyone hanging out with me i'd be legit shocked.
23 August 2019 : i am become reply guy
23 August 2019 : this is for the queerbies who are too shy to make a move. i did it for you. be brave.
23 August 2019 : i welcome it
23 August 2019 : lol i just imagined the most reply guy reply guy being like 'in some circles, hitler was considered a war hero' and just jerkin off to his own genius ugh this site is poison
23 August 2019 : someone take me out on a date. i am free sunday night. i live in brooklyn. figure it the fuck out.
23 August 2019 : holy fuck
23 August 2019 : cannot wait to be institutionalized!!!!!
23 August 2019 : working in a kitchen has given me a really strong internal clock that goes off if i've taken more than ~15 minutes away
23 August 2019 : they are ~creative breaks~ that pull my mind out of the Thing when my brain gets too warped to make words coherently
23 August 2019 : i mean, heard you, but i'm mostly focusing on why they made this cow so sexy
23 August 2019 : this should be a bigger story https://twitter.com/kenklippenstein/status/1164757566670249985
23 August 2019 : naturally, i am Tweeting Through It.
23 August 2019 : remembered 2500 words into this first draft that it's better to write out all the concepts first and then fill it out with quotes; this article is due..............today and i have a call at 11a and and i have to do laundry and i work at 5p and i love the Process pic.twitter.com/EuFVMI01PM
23 August 2019 : i love that this celebrates short kings too. get that dairy baby stave off that osteoporosis
23 August 2019 : tweet about your butt hole and help me make it into a marketable 'thing'
23 August 2019 : your so sexy aha
23 August 2019 : i'm saying!
23 August 2019 : it's after 10pm im allowed to be horny for a cartoon cow on main
23 August 2019 : bessie's got a nice rack, what can i say
23 August 2019 : why would you give the cow a pinup body if you DON'T want us horny for that good good
23 August 2019 : every time peta posts this photo i get mad because it's so hot https://twitter.com/peta/status/1164573702102687747
23 August 2019 : i contain multitudes, huntyyyyyyyyyy
23 August 2019 : babe thats what twitter polls are for
23 August 2019 : DDDDOOOOOOOUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHBOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYSSSSSS
23 August 2019 : this first draft is so funny i can't wait to reread it fifteen times until i regret being born
22 August 2019 : his cat wouldn't stop yowling at him to be let out so he had to bail on cutting the masking tape outline with a surgical blade i am thriving
22 August 2019 : oh fuck oh fuck pic.twitter.com/RDmg2rCuLC
22 August 2019 : he responds to a comment "it's a jeep, it always has a check engine light on. IT'S A JEEP THING."
22 August 2019 : oh fuck. they just coughed like they're choking on something but look at this view! oh no don't whistle along!!! https://www.reddit.com/rpan/cu5dl7 pic.twitter.com/BKGa3C8REG
22 August 2019 : this person just, driving around listening to tunes. pic.twitter.com/HCxSfzgueC
22 August 2019 : i am acutely obsessed with reddit live now. i'm starting to feel dizzy and warm is this a k hole
22 August 2019 : he put his thumb up for awhile, presumably to make it DMCA-compliant. i love it! pic.twitter.com/RFIVpH69JW
22 August 2019 : someone is playing Shrek on their laptop, recording it on their phone, and he's laughing along to it to be "protected by the DMCA so it's a substantially different product" pic.twitter.com/vmJCbz4ciq
22 August 2019 : weird i clicked the link and it said all the picks will make my vagina fall out of itself and hide, whimpering, inside my ass https://twitter.com/pooshdotcom/status/1164586269709459456
22 August 2019 : FORGOT TO ADD AN INTERVIEW IT'S 25 PAGES OF JUST INTERVIEWS AND NOW I HAVE TO CONDENSE THIS INTO 1,300 WORDS IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE
22 August 2019 : I FINISHED TRANSCRIBING IT'S 22 PAGES MIGHT HAVE BITTEN OFF A BIT MORE THAN I CAN CHEW BUT IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE pic.twitter.com/kt819dSTsB
22 August 2019 : this is straight up ART
22 August 2019 : come over aha your so sexy
22 August 2019 : 🎶 just another meatless monday 🎶
22 August 2019 : 15 pages of transcriptions done. 5 interviews to go. deadline tomorrow. it’s fine! it’s fine!
22 August 2019 : it's love tbh pic.twitter.com/lZKk0UPAVB
22 August 2019 : omg this guy is reading the hobbit on reddit live and he's doing the voices (despite the connection issues) 😭😭😭😭 https://www.reddit.com/rpan/cu3klx
22 August 2019 : this made me shoulders-shake laugh
22 August 2019 : sure, sounds nice
22 August 2019 : a podcast i would happily go on would be @stanleypicnic but when i met up with @juskewitch and @erikk38 they wanted to just hang out and drink and make me fall deeply in love with them as people instead and it worked >:[
22 August 2019 : no i want my own but i don't wanna make it i want someone else to make it and tell me what to do
22 August 2019 : sounds promising to me, a fat brunette!
22 August 2019 : anyway i'm transcribing an interview i did and i can't get over how good my questions are. someone make a podcast for me, i sound so cute and say such casually intelligent things aww i'm adorable
22 August 2019 : for schner, for the zalmans, for all of us, i am antifascist.
22 August 2019 : it doesn’t take losing your whole history to know what’s at stake. all it takes is knowing that it could happen again, and using their hate to invigorate you into renewing your identity, your faith, and focusing that power like a laser to ensure fascism is killed at its root.
22 August 2019 : to see him claim israel, to see any politician pander to israel by touching a wall, it is in an effort to hide their fascistic priorities under a guise. but they are coming for the jews, just as fast and steadily as they’ll come for us all.
22 August 2019 : there’s no definitive playbook on how to fight fascism. you need only to see it, and reject it however you can. that starts by learning to recognize its facets, its manifestations. donald trump is, unequivocally, a fascist. his whole administration is based in fascism.
22 August 2019 : when i was getting my iron front tattoo, i couldn’t stop thinking about schner zalman. obviously tattoos are a no no, but knowing his great granddaughter is doing what she can to fight the fascism that erased his history, would he be proud? i think so.
22 August 2019 : power that transcends knowing how to say “shit” in hebrew or the story of the menorah. there’s huge gaps in my cultural knowledge, which makes me sad for a lot of reasons. but there’s power in forging ahead, fighting forward instead of letting the past control you.
22 August 2019 : my ancestry begins 80-some years ago. there’s no further back to go. i think of that 20-something guy who was forcibly disconnected from everything he knew, who forged a new identity amid the wreckage of bigotry, and there’s power there.
22 August 2019 : he immigrated to the U.S. renewed in his faith, invigorated by the hate that forced him out of his home, and settled down and started a family.
22 August 2019 : while in palestine, before finding a way to join his brother in the U.S., schner changed his name, ridding himself of the ashkenazi ancestry that had been persecuted and likely killed back in poland. he chose an explicitly hebrew name: Ben-Ora. it means “son of light.”
22 August 2019 : my ancestor, schner zalman (what a name!) was removed from poland and forced to resettle in palestine in the 1930s. his brother had already immigrated to the U.S., but the rest of their family? it’s unknown what happened to them.
22 August 2019 : despite all of this lack of cultural inclusion, i was told the story of how my family arrived in america and the origin of our last name
22 August 2019 : i wasn’t raised jewish, i didn’t go to hebrew school, i attended maybe three seders my whole life, i was given an *acutely* jewish name just because my mom thought stamping my dad’s name on me would make him marry her (no).
22 August 2019 : new header? new header. new header!!!!
22 August 2019 : hmu next time i’ll hold the cam for u
22 August 2019 : republicans love cumming in their pants whenever anyone mentions israel. it’s a real denim h🥴rah.
22 August 2019 : @JohnHMaher i didn’t know you could jam
22 August 2019 : how’d this worm figure out which end to put the kippah on
22 August 2019 : when the second cold brew hits https://twitter.com/genepark/status/1164615472039546882
22 August 2019 : i covered the chair freddie loves scratching to shreds with a blanket and now he’s sitting in *my* chair and whine-meowing at me update he just jumped on my shoulder from the chair and is demanding pets what have i done pic.twitter.com/Q5vpQwfpOM
22 August 2019 : i love transcribing i hope it never ends pic.twitter.com/iBYTmCAtVY
22 August 2019 : are you a first season guy or a second season guy?
22 August 2019 : @youranalogbuddy wow he's bullshitting so hard
22 August 2019 : sautee a bunch of onions and save in a container solo. add to whatever through the week. trader joe's sells a bell pepper trio pre-cut & frozen for ~fajitas~ but i like adding em to whatever else i'm eating. anything you can roast is good meal prep. potatoes, brussels, etc
22 August 2019 : quinoa cooks easy, can be added to lots of stuff, sits well overnight, and fills you up while ALSO helping you poop. arugula is harder to find around here but it's peppery and yummy so it doesn't need a lot of dressing. overnight oats. chickpeas, lentils also easy + filling.
22 August 2019 : they're closed today (thurs) but they are open 11a-4p mon, tues, sat, sun and 11a-7p weds & fri.
22 August 2019 : all the knewz that's fit to kprintz
22 August 2019 : k-newz
22 August 2019 : oh that's absolutely a CHONK. a large boy and a LARGE. BOY. he is bigger than kenobi (18lbs) but not so big as to be 2 kenobis. he's like 1 kenobi plus half of freddie. imma guess 25lbs. CHONKALICIOUS. morris animal refuge is in philadelphia! someone adopt the CHONK! https://twitter.com/MorrisAnimal/status/1164554974057107456
22 August 2019 : we got into a convo about standup and i said it isn't as big a deal as it seems in your head (esp when you're just doing open mics at like, 2am) and he asked "what's your funniest joke?" and i said "none of them" and he said "that's actually pretty funny" and i quietly beamed
22 August 2019 : 😪😪😪😪😪
22 August 2019 : yest my coworker asked me 'how was your day off?' and i said 'i worked' and he laughed and said 'i knew it!' i can't believe my brand is so boring 😪
22 August 2019 : never stop crying and it'll establish dominance and fear.
22 August 2019 : i knew as soon as i sent it i'd have to explain what a gif was and how i did it lol but watch in like 2 weeks she'll be sending me gifs better than anything i've ever done
22 August 2019 : lol beautiful: "Hillsong views tithing, the biblical practice of giving 10 percent of your income to the church, as a testament of spiritual commitment (though I wonder whether 8 percent might be sufficient from women, considering the aforementioned wage gap)."
22 August 2019 : am reading this piece and thinking too deeply https://www.elle.com/life-love/a28752410/hillsong-womens-conference-colour/
22 August 2019 : hillsong is to millennials what scientology is to genx & boomers
22 August 2019 : also 100% confident their headphones were there just to signal isolation and not actually playing anything
22 August 2019 : it was such a weird energy, like guilt and fear? the look of gentrification.
22 August 2019 : yesterday i saw a frail hipster-type carrying a bag of popeyes down the street and they were walking like someone was about to yell “HEY! GIMME THAT BACK!” and i wanted to say “had to try the chicken sandwich, huh?” but they had headphones in
22 August 2019 : that look never fails to kill me every time!!!!
22 August 2019 : me: don't @ me y'all: can't spell "don't @ me" without "@ me" so dang guess i gotta @ ya!!!!!!
22 August 2019 : my gramma accidentally sent a “live” photo of my grampa blowing out the candles on his 80th(!) birthday cake so i turned it into a gif (it’s beautiful and perfect and i watched it on repeat) and now i have to explain to my gramma the entire tech industry of the late 1990s pic.twitter.com/tuJuoP7d6W
22 August 2019 : black tea is better than coffee don't you dare @ me
22 August 2019 : ALLEN!!!! @saraschaefer1 !!!!!!!!!!!
22 August 2019 : this is scary & difficult but i’m certain meatball will adjust. also this vid ends on the perfect chaos note and i thank you for that
22 August 2019 : omg baby kels!!!!
22 August 2019 : it’s hilariously bad
22 August 2019 : omg the hand shake i forgot the hand shake!!!
22 August 2019 : i did sprinkle some of her bedding in his cage so *she* wouldn’t freak out being in there
22 August 2019 : well that was an unsuccessful stressor. have returned them to their separate spaces, where they are both hiding in the in between. pic.twitter.com/KFdku4aTX7
22 August 2019 : my bad, i got their names reversed. emma is the girl, nina is the boy. and emma has bullied nina out of his favorite place.
22 August 2019 : it’s a mousican standoff folksssss pic.twitter.com/o69EEJTb9G
22 August 2019 : i’m busy making sure blood isn’t drawn!
22 August 2019 : she is now throwing bedding at emma, who is stationed in the tube connecting the bottom level to the loft, in an effort to keep him out. honestly i should separate them but this is just really beautiful to behold??
22 August 2019 : the manipulation thing is acutely troublesome for me
22 August 2019 : a mouse update is that nina seems lonely and am increasingly concerned that keeping both mice solitary is affecting their well-being so i put them together to see if any babies could be made but nina wants absolutely fuck all to do with emma. just saw her kick him in the face.
22 August 2019 : also i don’t entirely know what i could cover within my ~beat~ but if any editors wish for coverage on xoxo by moi don’t hesitate to h.m.u.
22 August 2019 : sounds repulsive tbh http://www.123newyear.com/zodiac-signs/libra.html
22 August 2019 : my coworker told me today my perfect match is libras. i totally forgot libras even exist. all the memes are about virgos & geminis.
22 August 2019 : too bad bitch
22 August 2019 : baby don’t tf hurt me
22 August 2019 : donald trump is a fascist moron and the fact that he’s been allowed to be in office this long is an indictment of the entire government
21 August 2019 : i told you!!!
21 August 2019 : also i prefer that reason for following me ;)
21 August 2019 : lol i think ted talk is more something they ask you to do? i don’t know
21 August 2019 : being that XOXO is in portland, if any @RoseCityAntifa kin are available i would love to buy you a drink or high five you as thanks for your tireless efforts
21 August 2019 : golly gee i’m so glad i got these SHORT length pants that were on sale six months ago so i would have a pair of pants that fit my SHORT FRAME pic.twitter.com/NOVAkBZBya
21 August 2019 : i am also prepared to fall in love at XOXO so if you want to fall in love with me and are attending XOXO please don’t hesitate to make sustained, meaningful eye contact across a crowded room
21 August 2019 : i spoke in 2016 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_b8FEczzbQ
21 August 2019 : it’s the best shit in the fuckin world https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/XOXO_(festival)
21 August 2019 : i just changed my display name to indicate that i am going to XOXO. i have changed my display name for the purpose of informing anyone attending XOXO that they should definitely hit me up prior to XOXO and not be afraid to become my best friend during XOXO.
21 August 2019 : any time
21 August 2019 : 😬 https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/993891808894693376
21 August 2019 : and then like a few years later the movie came out and i was like oh so there WAS interest and they WERE casting but didn’t contact me! okay!!!
21 August 2019 : when i was in middle school i loved the trilogy so much i told my classmates i got cast to play the lead and they all laughed at me
21 August 2019 : just a lil sketch pic.twitter.com/8pzsWqmT5d
21 August 2019 : 😐😐😐
21 August 2019 : but i am lazy
21 August 2019 : things i loved when i was 13: - milk - spongebob - claire’s - ella enchanted (book) - philip pullman’s dark trilogy - cargo pants that could be unzipped to be capris or shorts
21 August 2019 : just yesterday i thought “would it be too pinterest-y to have a “30 going on 13” birthday party?” where it’s just all the stuff i loved when i was 13 in 2003 and a big posterboard of my yearbook photo where i look like 😐
21 August 2019 : [sweats in seen] https://twitter.com/marcsnetiker/status/1163979269237690368
21 August 2019 : put a headband on my cat and he doesn’t even care. folks, it’s time for some game theory. pic.twitter.com/HWBc9Gl0mV
21 August 2019 : *bQby
21 August 2019 : these replies are pure and good
21 August 2019 : omg the extremely concerned "oh no" has utterly obliterated me. this is amazing.
21 August 2019 : :(
21 August 2019 : learned rhetorical analysis to write about rhetorical houses.
21 August 2019 : love that the description for this link is clearly the op's 17-year old irritated-as-all-hell girlfriend pic.twitter.com/tbx7PYIoBV
21 August 2019 : i never thought i'd write blog copy for an insurance company targeting middle-aged affluent midwesterners yet here we are. csulb pride!
21 August 2019 : got home from work 20 minutes ago. took a #nightshower . immediately diving back into transcribing interviews. the fun never stops!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/7JiEvApvXC
21 August 2019 : can i be your mr bond please
21 August 2019 : bo$$ $tatu $
21 August 2019 : legally his tweets count as presidential decrees, which are technically “owned” by the public. the precedent for suing over his tweets was set when he was forced to unblock folks because it was in violation of their first amendment rights.
20 August 2019 : i volunteer as tribute.
20 August 2019 : rip your recommended ads. it’s all butt padding from here on out
20 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/yfgZHLEASO
20 August 2019 : just dukin it out against each other in the mentions of corporate twitter while all the fuckin shit disney owns tweets gifs at each other
20 August 2019 : are you on the walmart website
20 August 2019 : 30-50 feral chicken sandwiches
20 August 2019 : at what age do folks realize sports anorexia isn’t a personality? asking for the upper east side
20 August 2019 : everything by @HannahHillam & @starlinex ’s ruby whipple (not panel/strip but lovely)
20 August 2019 : a real sabotabby if i ever saw one
20 August 2019 : oh no, #AntifaTerrorists put on a video of birds chirping to entertain my cat while i was at work!!! the horror!!!! pic.twitter.com/RkopK2ehz3
20 August 2019 : here’s one of those #AntifaDomesticTerrorists fixing the bath sheet display at bed bath & beyond pic.twitter.com/85zKfhxuxY
20 August 2019 : if you search ”antifa” in the hashtags the results lean pretty heavily into trollbot fascist territory. so for the record, i’d like to let the world know that this is what #AntifaTerrorists look like pic.twitter.com/x8iTfv291o
20 August 2019 : my computer is 6 years old and needs to have as much cut out of it as possible
20 August 2019 : post that paypal so we can kick you some solidarity and cover that hotel stay
20 August 2019 : ugh i have such a respect crush on you and these a+ bedsheets are making it worseeeeee 😩😩😩
20 August 2019 : well okay then jay gatsby
20 August 2019 : it's like the os is telling me not to delete its fun flirty personality and im like bitch i just need space
20 August 2019 : the idea of her is the LOYL. get a new one.
20 August 2019 : sorry am buzzed. let her go/let you grow.
20 August 2019 : let her grow/let you grow
20 August 2019 : would have to jailbreak the entire system to delete these system apps
20 August 2019 : yes my brain spins thoughts lightning fast and makes it difficult to focus beyond them, and sertraline has helped quiet some of the more unnecessary spinners so i can more easily focus on what's in front of me. adjustment includes somewhat manic forgetfulness.
20 August 2019 : whatever i downloaded some free stuff to do some scans so i could identify what terms to search in order to clear out duplicates. freed up 40gb of space and am wholly at peace should this move brick my computer.
20 August 2019 : everyone saying checkmate at me is goin to fucking hell lmao
20 August 2019 : let a soft boiled egg sit in a mix of the ramen packet+water and then add sesame oil to the ramen. absolute heaven.
20 August 2019 : trying to clear up space on my computer. it won't let me delete chess. chess. pic.twitter.com/3U1gosqavc
20 August 2019 : i organize my room like, once a week because i haven't figured out how to handle owning two separate outfits (cold weather, hot weather) and as a result it feels like i have too much stuff. optimistic that reading every book i own will cut down on that front. just gotta...do it.
20 August 2019 : have been on sertraline for 7 weeks now. yesterday i realized that the picture display in our living room was a clusterfuck so i fixed it to look neat. also organized my bedroom to be actually organized. amazing what a little blue pill can do for mental cohesion.
20 August 2019 : the goal was moved from 50k to 75k too. smh. it's not likely gfm will remove the campaign for violating its reasons UNLESS there's massive demands to do so. boycott gofundme.
20 August 2019 : danny you're rich get a pedicure https://twitter.com/DannyDeVito/status/1163497801843482627
20 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/13cosiZEzj
20 August 2019 : but i don't know if meta is really an excuse for 'not wanting to flesh out non-male characters'
20 August 2019 : i haven't seen it but a coworker mentioned that margot robbie's character 'doesn't really do anything' then later said he heard on a podcast that the reason bruce lee was portrayed as he was was bc it was coming from the memory of an asshole and i was like 'oh maybe it's meta'
20 August 2019 : this gently reminds me that the people who despise me most are all phenomenally terrible people. aimee sits at a table made of shit beside ben sasse and stefanie williams, none of whom will ever know peace.
20 August 2019 : a real sophie's choice here but you know i had to go with the one who said i was too fat for anyone to want to cum on my face (they prefer slightly lower) https://twitter.com/emmaschuetz/status/1163625914258939904
20 August 2019 : lmfaoooo
20 August 2019 : HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE OFMGGGGG
20 August 2019 : you still hired him though lol
20 August 2019 : well it doesn’t taste like ass, so it passes my extensive criteria for what qualifies as “a good wine”
20 August 2019 : yup. i was in college, so i def had the time
20 August 2019 : i don’t usually drink and i almost never drink at home, but when your roommate’s dad buys you a bottle of wine because it’s covered in sunflowers, well ya gotta dust off that one wine chalice you got at work three years ago because it was cute but that you’ve never used. pic.twitter.com/D95uBqXMqK
20 August 2019 : the conservativism is a privilege.
20 August 2019 : it's *because* the only stuff i could afford was so wildly inexpensive produce ($1 for 10lbs of oranges, for example) that i learned how to cook. the alternative was spending $14 on like, two? three? fast food meals or a full week of food, or eating like, raw cauliflower. no thx!
20 August 2019 : they sold tilapia fillets by the pound, a total garbage fish. but it was way cheaper than chicken or beef. their cheapest stuff was their produce - everything else (canned stuff, laundry detergent) was priced the same as every other store. for awhile i was unintentionally vegan
20 August 2019 : the only reason i learned how to cook is because there was a grocery store near me that sold produce that was on the verge of going bad. i'd have to go to the store twice a week, but i spent an average of $14 a week for all my meals. i couldn't afford any proteins except tilapia
20 August 2019 : so you continue avoiding cooking, deciding it's something you can't afford to learn (either because of the financial risk in losing out on a meal or the time involved), the risk of failure balloons to such that when you're technically *able* to cook, you fundamentally can't.
20 August 2019 : it's a cycle. you don't know how to use a knife or cook something. you can't afford to waste food getting burned or being an inedible salt bomb. so you don't learn. then when you try, it takes a long time – time you likely don't have – bc you don't know what you're doing.
20 August 2019 : turns out my computer doesn't 'have enough space' for any of this. alas. was not meant to be (for now)
20 August 2019 : exactly. a lot of folks won't practice or establish foundational skills because it involves spending money on items that you might not be able to eat. i suggest buying a bunch of onions or potatoes, cuz they're cheap and can be frozen for 3 months, to practice knife skills on.
20 August 2019 : the laughter happening at the end of this video is me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl626Wzulg4&list=PL1LaW-AR98H8-Hf3ft0g3sUuV5FCjvDsr
20 August 2019 : sorry, ~jacquessssssss~
20 August 2019 : love this jacque pepin tutorial on knives. "you need those three knife [paring, utility, chef]." long pause, looks straight at camera with a sort of grimace. "that being said, i probably have 300 knife at my house." real shit, jacque. real shit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nffGuGwCE3E
20 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/XVoshLZhxt
20 August 2019 : lookin like the logo for the capitol in the hunger games https://twitter.com/marwilliamson/status/1163569986738298881
20 August 2019 : the bowl was full + the canola oil in the pan with the eggs made the eggs slip too fast
20 August 2019 : so my current transcription process is 1. record the call on tapeacall 2. make the app transcribe it 3. download the audio to my computer 4. copy the transcription into a google doc 5. upload the audio to otranscribe 6. paste the transcription in 7. edit it while listening easy!
20 August 2019 : TAPEACALLPRO: “i slept with a fan and my dad” REALITY: “i slept with a fan by my bed”
20 August 2019 : tapeacall has a transcription thing for $3.99/mo and it’s so good pic.twitter.com/rS9X2wa495
20 August 2019 : LORD https://twitter.com/Jidenna/status/1163278101192806400
20 August 2019 : DIDN'T I TELL YOU IT WAS TIME FOR A NEW ALBUM. ALSO OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
19 August 2019 : only made better by you! 💗💗💗
19 August 2019 : this thread made me cry https://twitter.com/seamusblackley/status/1158264819503419392
19 August 2019 : do it
19 August 2019 : i don’t know yet
19 August 2019 : i started reading it as soon as i got it & i had to force myself to stop to finish the book i was already 75% done reading 🤦🏻‍♀️
19 August 2019 : my bedside books, aka the must-reads i have to finish before i’m allowed to get more. i love working close to home but i miss the 45-minute commutes that let me gobble up books on the train. i’m 30-pages away from being allowed to dive back into @sadydoyle ’s exciting new book!!! pic.twitter.com/rRk3ArBEdF
19 August 2019 : just did 2 vids - one discussing types of knives/their uses, another that’s a basic intro to holding and cutting - then i remembered i have three hours of interviews to transcribe so if you want non-cc versions dm me your email otherwise i’ll upload w/cc somewhere later https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1163535429158748160
19 August 2019 : would love to help u
19 August 2019 : though i did once @ him asking to collab on a show like that
19 August 2019 : no have only seen main channel but had to stop cuz i got too horny
19 August 2019 : i would love to help you
19 August 2019 : got so absorbed in this i overcooked my eggs and then when attempting to put them on top of my rice they slid off and flopped on the counter
19 August 2019 : no there’s beauty in simplicity
19 August 2019 : something that’s just like, two minutes about how to crack an egg and why, how to tell if an egg has gone bad. another video about how to peel carrots. how to get a sear and why. how to preheat pans and why.
19 August 2019 : was talking to a friend about how a lot of “i don’t like to cook” or “i can’t cook” is rooted in anxiety of not knowing/being comfortable with foundational knowledge + being afraid to waste food/money on mistakes. would like to do a mini cooking show to help offset this.
19 August 2019 : expiration dates are a suggestion, but food can go bad well before them for any number of reasons. you should use your eyes and nose to figure out if something has gone bad. https://twitter.com/sonyahuber/status/1162761833868144641
19 August 2019 : he likes taking it out of the bowl and putting it in his water and then drinking cat food flavored water. but this has def sent some flags up for me so imma do more research and figure out if that’s what’s happening here. thank you!!!
19 August 2019 : dry kibble on the floor won’t get moldy
19 August 2019 : i learned by reading about american dental politics (poor teeth by sarah smarsh, for starters) and also being diagnosed with PCOS learning how early signs of diabetes can be identified in gum and vision health!
19 August 2019 : it’s basically stratifying healthcare by making eye/dental care into accessories only financially stable people can “splurge” on
19 August 2019 : eye and dental are both areas where early warning signs for more serious issues can be identified, so it’s more lucrative to push people away from pursuing routine care and later require more intensive treatments like root canals & extractions & eye surgery
19 August 2019 : it is. the original is by the guy who produces fuckjerry content.
19 August 2019 : am googlin one way tickets now
19 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/IzK7YAmON1
19 August 2019 : are you insane? that yellow couch. those soft blue walls. that beautiful bookshelf unit & picnic bench-style table. this apartment exudes warmth and simplicity.
19 August 2019 : oh man you were so close to getting it for once!!!!!
19 August 2019 : my cat, last night: [scoops all of his food out of the bowl and onto the floor. leaves it there.] my cat, all day today: [beg meows obsessively because there’s no food in his bowl]
19 August 2019 : @NSAGov please email me the transcriptions for the last two calls i did (area code 425) thx
19 August 2019 : why do i have to record and transcribe my phone interviews why can’t i just foia the nsa for their transcriptions it’s not like they don’t have em
19 August 2019 : i think you’re right
19 August 2019 : ahhh i’ve just been saying queer to fold in being pan alongside everything else. but i secretly long for us to collectively move beyond the binary and just all be whatever
19 August 2019 : exactly
19 August 2019 : i consider myself post-gender. i don’t identify anywhere within the binary, yet i identify within the entire spectrum. “i am within and without” comes to mind, that’s from great gatsby. use whatever pronouns you’d like, they all sound beautiful to me.
19 August 2019 : think it’s about time non-binary babes create a new umbrella term that goes beyond gender, but off the top of my head the only words i can think to pull from are extraterrestrial (extra - outside) and paranormal (para - beyond). hm. post-gender?
19 August 2019 : holy shit i love your apartment
19 August 2019 : also, this book answers a lot of questions about the different aspects of earning/saving throughout one’s life without being patronizing or proselytizing suze orman. i read it & found it pretty comprehensive in terms of general/foundational knowledge. https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781501176333
19 August 2019 : ❤️ https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ev3dde/most-money-advice-is-worthless
19 August 2019 : no prob!
19 August 2019 : http://iww.org
19 August 2019 : members of the iww are called wobblies
19 August 2019 : you gif me like i don’t frequently clean my room
19 August 2019 : text me
19 August 2019 : it was this bright beacon of recognition, knowing we were safe with each other, despite being strangers. i wonder if this is how guys feel when they see another guy wearing a cap with their favorite sports team on it.
19 August 2019 : ya of course babe
19 August 2019 : i saw a wob today wearing an iww hat and he saw my tattoo and we immediately made very knowing eye contact.
19 August 2019 : because i don’t want to die https://twitter.com/mashable/status/1162730046882308096
19 August 2019 : i also found a pencil holder that looks like a metal trash can and as luck would have it i like keeping a little bowl on the table by my bed for snack trash so now i have an adorable lil bedside trash can. $1. pic.twitter.com/ZIs1i9gpUb
19 August 2019 : oh nooooo mom!!!!
19 August 2019 : hahaha “regret getting those glass cabinets? cover em with drawer liner! it won’t fix your marriage, but-“
19 August 2019 : style twinnies!!!
19 August 2019 : can’t think of any other circumstance where this is a life hack-type situation but in this one very specific instance i feel like a genius
19 August 2019 : the receipts at the dollar store include the price for every item you bought. they’re all a dollar. because it’s the dollar store. seems unnecessary.
19 August 2019 : this is just how you two lovingly raised me
19 August 2019 : wow! what a lineup!!
19 August 2019 : found adhesive drawer liners at the dollar store and put them on the little windows that are on my bedroom door because for some reason the doors in my apartment are windows? anyway, a nice $1 upgrade from the thumbtacked bedsheet there before! pic.twitter.com/DA7rfDAhZt
18 August 2019 : well obviously
18 August 2019 : papa no!
18 August 2019 : please be kind mommy i only wish to sup upon your nourishing mamms
18 August 2019 : phyllis nagy is a cop
18 August 2019 : so does pocket! i just noticed for whatever reason my twitter *app* never resets my monthly views for websites with paywalls so i’m always over :(
18 August 2019 : first thought was the customer is american, but i can’t find out because i’m always over my free article limit https://twitter.com/nytimesworld/status/1163144806211751937
18 August 2019 : lili
18 August 2019 : folks who think they should own fifty guns so they can “protect” themselves are also folks who think police shootings are always self defense are also folks who think antifascist violence used in an effort to protect everyone from fascism is bad
18 August 2019 : your support is everything to me, mommy 🙏
18 August 2019 : listen, a young graphic designer who’s certain this is his big break worked really hard on this
18 August 2019 : total anarchy is the answer.
18 August 2019 : shouldn’t you be busy letting your unvaccinated kids cause a measles outbreak somewhere kay
18 August 2019 : “socialism bad because hitler’s group had the word “socialist” in their name and hitler bad!” yeah they also had the word “party” in their name and the only parties that are bad are ones i’m not invited to because i’m a “huge bummer to talk to” or whatever
18 August 2019 : true true, a little heady to fit into the overall point i was making but a useful add for folks interested in knowing more!
18 August 2019 : hahaha once in elementary school a kid brought cupcakes for their birthday & the icing was this really deep pink/red and the next day when i pooped my poop was mauve and i was like OH NO
18 August 2019 : oh when i say this stuff isn’t hard to find - i learned about the southern strategy while researching potential trivia questions for full frontal’s game. i also learned about the Downing Street memo and that’s when i knew i’d gone too deep ( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Downing_Street_memo ) ok gnight!
18 August 2019 : true i just wanted to remind people that he looked like a fuckin clownass and people still fell for his bullshit
18 August 2019 : hahahaha i know that echo. i have to listen to another sound to replace it as the last thing i heard!
18 August 2019 : i hope it does! i just have hated when people talk *at* me to show off how smart they are rather than actually *inform* me of anything intelligent, so i get anxious about getting too focused and not taking the time to make sure whoever i’m talking to is following
18 August 2019 : gotta cut em out
18 August 2019 : anyway, i love you and good night.
18 August 2019 : that’s how i think of my voice in my head lol
18 August 2019 : it’s anxiety!
18 August 2019 : this is not difficult information to find. start by reading the wikipedia page for the southern strategy or googling “hitler socialism?” to find out how a blatantly fascist dictator with a wildly stupid mustache augmented various iconography & terminology to gold-tint bullshit
18 August 2019 : stephen miller is not
18 August 2019 : to believe that well-meaning phrases and concepts (“protect and serve”) are not used by fascists with the intent to attract support for their bullshit is naive at best, and deliberately disingenuous in the same vein as those more famous reframing efforts at worst.
18 August 2019 : lincoln-era republicans held similar politics as democratic president FDR. the New Deal is around when the parties began to switch. the Southern Strategy, cementing the switch, arose as a republican effort to save the GOP from bleeding members - by appealing to racist whites.
18 August 2019 : under this umbrella of deliberate ignorance is the insistence that 1. lincoln was a republican and 2. democrats were pro-slavery, when the history clearly indicates a full blown reversal of the political parties starting in the 1920s with FDR’s New Deal.
18 August 2019 : the same way that trump (and other bigots before him — he has no new ideas) use the phrase “make america great again” as a cover for xenophobia and fascistic politics. saying hitler was a socialist is as true as saying trump is a fairy princess.
18 August 2019 : he made the swastika thicker than its original style to make it more appealing to early 20th century stylization and inserted sympathetic terminology into “national socialist german workers’ party” so that on the outset, a brief scan of his platform reads as harmless goodwill.
18 August 2019 : truly stunning that the 2019 argument against socialism is that hitler was a socialist, when he famously adopted both the term “socialism” and the 12,000-year old sanskrit swastika meant to encourage wellness and good luck purely as marketing tools for xenophobia
18 August 2019 : i have accepted that the only person hotter and smarter than me is @jennschiffer and it’s because she’s constantly getting hotter and smarter so there’s no way i could ever possibly keep up
18 August 2019 : i once met a nursing student who got rid of hangovers by hooking herself up to a saline IV after waking up from a night of drinking & going back to sleep.
18 August 2019 : honestly? yes.
18 August 2019 : we wear kitchen button-ups and because it’s too hot i just take my regular shirt off & wear it solo. but my wardrobe has been predominantly graphic tees for about three years because every job i’ve had has been in some labor-intensive capacity
18 August 2019 : thx @slackmistress for bringing this iconic piece of wearable art to my attn
18 August 2019 : me: need to cut down on how many graphic tees i own. mature my look a bit. focus on staple pieces. weed out the weird stuff. also me: if i don’t get this ‘eat trash hail satan’ shirt i will burst into flames and die https://www.lookhuman.com/design/375134-eat-trash-hail-satan-possum/6733-heathered_black
18 August 2019 : during prep someone put on a podcast about investing and i kept apologizing because i couldn’t stop reflexively scoffing. when it mentioned warren buffett i almost lost it.
18 August 2019 : 😛
18 August 2019 : he couldn’t say scurrilous if his life depended on it
18 August 2019 : i only get close to that when i’m talking about economics and even then i pause to explain every acronym or vocab word or theory i mention to both remind myself that i am just a regular man who has learned these things and to ensure whoever i’m talking to doesn’t feel excluded
18 August 2019 : trump tries so hard to talk smart that he constantly nosedives straight into incoherent babbling
18 August 2019 : he talks like he’s trying to get a girl who’s obsessed with shakespeare to touch his toad dick
18 August 2019 : clipomatic is $4.99 and provides instant closed captioning for videos. i have not yet figured out how to effectively provide descriptions of photos. by that i mean a description that is formatted to be coherent.
18 August 2019 : my general observation that the smarter someone tries to talk the dumber they actually are remains unshaken https://twitter.com/chick_in_kiev/status/1162867712693063680
18 August 2019 : my butthole teaches me something new every day pic.twitter.com/vbuExGbl5Z
18 August 2019 : avoid gatorade because it’s majorly sugar but i assume you already know that
18 August 2019 : both my guys are currently sitting in front of the air conditioner letting the cold air make their noses ice cold so they can later boop my face to confirm i’m still alive
18 August 2019 : holy shit that’s awful. pedialyte is the way to go. i like the grape flavor, refrigerated or with ice cubes. get like 2-3 bottles and drink what you can. go easy on your stomach by sticking to BRAT diet - bananas, rice, applesauce, toast.
18 August 2019 : my first cat would make biscuits in my hair by *biting* and *pulling* my hair to get me to wake up to feed her. throughout childhood she did this! her bowl was never empty!!
18 August 2019 : thank you love! that’s why i’m so expensive!
18 August 2019 : WHY! NOT!!!
18 August 2019 : smoke more. chainsmoke. gargle with rocks.
18 August 2019 : my laugh, on tape? hoo boy, forget about it. like auditory manna. just gorgeous.
18 August 2019 : start smoking?
18 August 2019 : lol you just gave me a brilliant idea that will not work
18 August 2019 : give me $500 and your number in the note section and i will treat you to my phone voice http://paypal.me/taliajane https://twitter.com/heydtrain/status/1162911725441544193
18 August 2019 : he didn’t fall for it. but i set my morning alarm to half an hour earlier. i bet that’ll do it.
18 August 2019 : @RedLisaM thank you kindly i am posting soft sweet things to offset the stupid bad!
18 August 2019 : i don’t understand people who hate their own voices. mine is a delightful surprise. it’s higher and warmer than what i hear. anyone who’s spoken on the phone with me can confirm: my voice sounds like love.
18 August 2019 : the most exciting point in a story is the interview process. you can start to see the piece take shape but you haven’t yet had to transcribe hours of listening to your own stupid voice straining to ask coherent questions. although my voice records beautifully.
18 August 2019 : as if i could use them for anything else
18 August 2019 : omg!! that’s amazing!!!
18 August 2019 : awwwwwww
18 August 2019 : lol i usually feed them after i get off work (pretty late), so if i go take out the trash or do laundry or leave the house at all, he meows to be fed once i come back because the sound of me coming home = food time. even when there’s still plenty of food in his bowl 🤦🏻‍♀️
18 August 2019 : it’s a double pavlovian
18 August 2019 : my cat learned that the sound of my alarm means i’m awake, and awake means i will scratch his chin and cuddle him until he falls asleep. gunna set my alarm to 10pm and trick him into snuggling with me all night.
18 August 2019 : an injury to one is an injury to all ✊🏴
18 August 2019 : wow
18 August 2019 : it’s not hard to lead when your goal is collective success! but apparently it is impossible when all you want is to step on others to... be teacher’s pet? at a food booth??? like, relax.
18 August 2019 : feel free to stay salty but that much sodium isn’t healthy for someone of your advanced age 🥰
18 August 2019 : im also glad that my 40-something year old former coworker whose only skill is kissing ass still obsessively checks my twitter account and can’t do shit about me laughing at how pathetic he is 💋💋💋
18 August 2019 : i’m so glad to not be at my old job. everyone i’ve talked to says it’s gotten awful and the management/supervisors have no idea what they’re doing or how to lead. the whole team despises them. i’m so relieved i got out when i first smelled smoke.
17 August 2019 : RT @NoraReed: i think the reason that centrists and liberals are so focused on anti-fascism as the threat is that acknowledging the hold wh…
17 August 2019 : people have been yelling about this shit since DAY ONE and y’all STILL don’t want to listen.
17 August 2019 : it’s not 4D chess or elaborate ploys it’s actual goddamn nazis and real fuckin fascism
17 August 2019 : IM SAYIN!!!!!!!
17 August 2019 : “hey chemotherapy, whatever you are, how about you cut it the fuck out? you’re putting millions and millions of us in a position where our cancer wants us to defend something we want no part of.” https://twitter.com/andylassner/status/1162846148870062083
17 August 2019 : lotta liberals running straight into the arms of the extreme right rather than spending two seconds figuring out what antifascism & black bloc are. disavowing disorganized violence by unironically embracing systemic oppression. not a cute look, assbrains!
17 August 2019 : antifa will still defend your dumbass against the forces of fascism, though
17 August 2019 : everyone freaking out about antifa ought to spend their energy freaking out about *what antifa are fighting against* or just shut the fuck up & do some research to figure out what it is you’re standing against, and how that helps the actual evil gain ground. fucking morons.
17 August 2019 : enjoy your place in the history books as an example of how fascism wins, you rich whiny bitch.
17 August 2019 : antifascist activity arises in response to immediate threats of white supremacist, fascist violence. it’s protection, not provocation. you wanna let the fash conquer cities and the entire country, keep telling those willing to fight back to stop fighting.
17 August 2019 : hey andy, whoever you are, how about you shut the fuck up? https://twitter.com/andylassner/status/1162846148870062083
17 August 2019 : yikes bro
17 August 2019 : yikes bro
17 August 2019 : a friend facetimed me *on purpose* and i don’t think i’ll ever recover from the horror. but i did find out i can turn myself into the poop emoji. that was cool.
17 August 2019 : finally i can repeatedly smack my cat in the face with my tail when HE’S trying to sleep https://twitter.com/fastcompany/status/1162809944602742785
17 August 2019 : yes :)
17 August 2019 : if this is you and you’d be down to talk for an article, dm me!
17 August 2019 : are you new to your field and have sought out advice from more experienced people in the field? have you asked someone you aspire to be out to coffee to ‘pick their brain’? or have you been thinking about doing so, but you’re nervous to send the message/email?
17 August 2019 : solidarity today with @RoseCityAntifa ✊🏴
17 August 2019 : oh hell yeah
17 August 2019 : does anyone know how to make it so tapping anywhere *doesnt* pause the video? i came back from showering to find kenobi’s face two inches from a black screen because he’d paused (pawsed) it on accident. also if anyone wants to play flappy bird, i still have it lol
17 August 2019 : last night i found an ipad i forgot i had (i got it for free with my laptop in 2013). so i charged it up and put on an hour long bird watching video for my cats to watch as an apology for having to work on a saturday. pic.twitter.com/JcAeMWaRL9
17 August 2019 : big word!!!
17 August 2019 : then comes me tweeting how many times i farted at work today (9 times) https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/1105536445886939136
17 August 2019 : same
17 August 2019 : will you EVER shut the fuck up
17 August 2019 : 😎👉👉
17 August 2019 : my people are cats
17 August 2019 : oh you could DEF pull this off (and you most certainly have the jaw for it!!!)
17 August 2019 : my question is can we get pizza while you’re here
17 August 2019 : from holding a baby all day
17 August 2019 : i have never read or watched little women but i know the tragic spoiler because it literally happened to me and @cs_coville called me beth
17 August 2019 : lol
17 August 2019 : yes! yes! yess!!! yesss!!!! YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WHOLE PIECE YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!
17 August 2019 : tweet
17 August 2019 : wow so they’re mocking me?
17 August 2019 : pinned twete
17 August 2019 : @bizmichael ’s ig tricks me because sometimes they’re lipsyncing to music and sometimes they’re talking to the camera but in both cases they’re just as expressive and emotive so i just know to turn the sound on for theirs no matter what lol
17 August 2019 : i can confirm! my skin feels way better when i’m showering after two days off than every day. in the winter this is easier to do and i look forward to it
17 August 2019 : hahahaahhahahahahahahaha
17 August 2019 : boom i brought it back to money and mental health what’s FUCKING UP
17 August 2019 : this is less a survey about underwear and more an observation on the increasing tendency for folks to spend their days off doing absolutely nothing to compensate for the mental toll of living in the ever-increasing productivity expectations of late capitalism
17 August 2019 : ok but does the study specify if they were talking about doing this on their days off or if they went to work or school smelling like butthole? why waste a clean pair of underwear on my 2nd day off when i know i’m not going anywhere or doing anything https://twitter.com/usatoday/status/1162403897320726528
17 August 2019 : he doesn’t even know they exist
17 August 2019 : @Ohthatflo the secret is i adopted him when he was 3 months old and it was just the two of us for about a year and i think something he’s mixed with tends to be very loyal to their owners
17 August 2019 : hahaha you mean on FIRE?
17 August 2019 : por que no las dos?
17 August 2019 : in california a cool august means an unbearably hot september through mid-november so while everyone in new york is taking this weather to mean “fall is coming! take out your AC!” i’m like “mmmmmm not so fast, babe!” like i somehow know better?
17 August 2019 : i have never been able to do the meme cuz i can’t think more than one step beyond the first thing
17 August 2019 : me 🤝 figuring out a good way to do this meme nothing
17 August 2019 : i can tell i’m going through one of those mythical “loving yourself” evolutions they make movies starring aging actresses about because it doesn’t even occur to me that i look “bad” without makeup on and today i said out loud to myself “holy shit i LOVE my calves.”
17 August 2019 : this morning woke up to kenobi tucked in beside me, holding my arm. he’s a living teddy bear. pic.twitter.com/AMk8uCXthW
17 August 2019 : good thing the site wasn’t called jawker or the rebrand would be awker huh
17 August 2019 : burn the g/o handbook and toast marshmallows over the flames
17 August 2019 : me: kenobi: me: kenobi: me: kenobi kenobi: pic.twitter.com/5PrBPu70QP
17 August 2019 : the most straightforward virginia woolf i can read without my eyes going wonky is the shakespeare’s sister portion of a room of one’s own
17 August 2019 : me every time i wanna read virginia woolf: i wanna read v- [remembers what it’s like to read virginia woolf] i am never going to be sober enough for that
17 August 2019 : reading virginia woolf is what attention deficit disorder feels like
17 August 2019 : whoops forgot my contact info. you can email me at taliajanework / gmail or dm!
17 August 2019 : @aminatou hi hello! i’m writing an article about your favorite phrase in the world (p*ck y*ur br*in) and am wondering if you’d be interested in talking with me about it!
17 August 2019 : i’m excited for everyone else to be as depressed as i am. really perks me up.
17 August 2019 : it is wire transfer bc they are in a diff country but lol manafort
17 August 2019 : lol exactly same thoughts! oh that reminds me i gotta move 30% of this into my savings account for taxes 🤦🏻‍♀️
17 August 2019 : even PLUS money is like THIS MUST BE WRONG
17 August 2019 : right? i had to scroll down to my last deposit to confirm it was money going IN instead of OUT
17 August 2019 : it’s so funny that it was legit so scary 😂😩
17 August 2019 : ONE OF EM
17 August 2019 : they need to get a Fucking Room
17 August 2019 : the poll got the sex number percent which is truly divine intervention at work, signaling to prospective employers that hiring me would be nothing short of kismet. lemme write 4 u i do good wordings and am an excruciatingly ambitious learner. perfect fit for your site or tv show!
17 August 2019 : @ the cats who fight outside my window every night: get therapy
17 August 2019 : it’s like ahh finally i’m known! and aww man, now i’m not just a person!
17 August 2019 : 💗💗💗💗 and i promise to always consider you my large baby with a comical announcer voice
17 August 2019 : aww i considered you rad too :) but regardless the moment of revelation still feels like “aw man, now i’m not just a person”
17 August 2019 : anyway it’s hilarious to me that i’d be more willing to believe someone hacked my bank account to put money *into* it in some elaborate money laundering scheme than i got paid for work i did.
17 August 2019 : lol and did i or did i not look immediately tired when you said that
17 August 2019 : i have accepted that anywhere i work, eventually my Identity will be found out and the relationship between me and my coworkers will experience a seismic shift as they readjust their perception. it feels simultaneously freeing and depressing.
17 August 2019 : her tone towards me on discovering Who I Am immediately - and predictably - shifted. suddenly i stopped being the goofy weird loud talia who gleefully says “holy SHIT that’s a beautiful sandwich!” when i drop it on expo and i started being this sort of mystical Other, an enigma.
17 August 2019 : then with a sly grin i mumbled to myself “i’m *in*famous” and proceeded to pour fries into the deep fryer
17 August 2019 : she asked what article. i gave her a foggy rendition of the headline. she read the piece. then she googled me. then she read my wikipedia, on the checkout tablet, and while i was like, cleaning the line fridge, she goes “talia.... are you.... famous?” and i said wearily “no”
17 August 2019 : i checked my account at work cuz i was depositing my check and i started going “WHAT! WHAT?! WHAT?!?!?!” and when i finally figured it out my coworker was like “so...?” and i explained it was payment for work i did in may. she asked what work. i said an article.
17 August 2019 : but she kissed a girl and she liked it
17 August 2019 : checked my bank account and there was a deposit i didn’t recognize. instantly freaked someone hacked my account. i had to google “book transfer credit b/o” to figure out it was a wire payment. i more readily believed that i got hacked than that i actually got paid for work i did.
17 August 2019 : holy shit how’d you guys pull that off
17 August 2019 : what a fuckin take, right?
16 August 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/stzoGzJsPV
16 August 2019 : ma’am
16 August 2019 : true!
16 August 2019 : well we split the tips between one less person so basically!
16 August 2019 : she had a HUGE prep list this morning and by the end of the shift she’d knocked out like, 80% of it on her own. iconic.
16 August 2019 : how can you tell if kombucha has spoiled? doesn’t it just get.... more kombucha-y?
16 August 2019 : goddamn alison!!!
16 August 2019 : well kitchen work is different from paperwork lol
16 August 2019 : today a coworker called out sick so i manned both lines while my other coworker did prep and we fucking CRUSHED it.
16 August 2019 : RT @cwarzel: pretty much everything that's been reported shows that G/O Media leadership is uninterested in journalism, their employees, or…
16 August 2019 : everyone a week ago: JEFFrey EPStein KILLED himSELF?! everyone today: “jeffrey epstein” “killed” himself
16 August 2019 : @amandamull you can even do the trifecta in a kitchen! pic.twitter.com/EZSyP5x6Av
16 August 2019 : go awf rap kween
16 August 2019 : brutal
16 August 2019 : i shall box your ears!
16 August 2019 : not even the shirts 😔
16 August 2019 : want to do a tweet touching on the maisel day changing all the prices in LA to 1950s prices in an effort to win emmys thing by also noting that handmaid’s tale has spent the last two years running an intensive emmy campaign by making the whole country into the 1850s, but i’m lazy
16 August 2019 : the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good boy who’s been trained to get treats when he’s suicidal https://twitter.com/nbcwashington/status/1161403856972124160
16 August 2019 : thank u beyonce for making saffron yellow finally happen
16 August 2019 : harry cherry why haven’t you faved this
16 August 2019 : i also don’t have enough friends or money to ever go to paris, let alone with a group of people, for any length of time.
16 August 2019 : you do!!!! the first one when i saw it i felt like “ah, that work vibe” and the second one is like, strong hotness!
16 August 2019 : ARE U DEPRESSED
16 August 2019 : you, basic: [deletes tweets that have a typo or messed up formatting] me, brilliant: let it ride, baby. let it ride.
16 August 2019 : i’m a US 14 and a UK 4 billion
16 August 2019 : you, basic: [pulls sources from a well-curated, rigorously maintain rolodex of experts and thought leaders] me, brilliant: puts out a source request on my insta stories pic.twitter.com/YfsUrCa1SK
16 August 2019 : harry cherry QUITE contrary!
16 August 2019 : just found a fuckin puzzle piece in my room. i don’t own any puzzles. did i get burgularized by a retirement home.
16 August 2019 : feat. @CarolineMoss ’s perfect articulation
16 August 2019 : gotta make content pic.twitter.com/skEHSnn1sn
16 August 2019 : i know it’d be both but it would be more sad or funny if i put a condom in my emergency kit 😰
16 August 2019 : i want to go to paris for my 30th birthday with a big group of friends and we all have custom t-shirts in the pinterest font that reads “basic bitch birthday bash” but i also want to spend my 30th in a cave tucked away on the cliffs of a remote beach hm hm hm
15 August 2019 : be better, assholes!!!
15 August 2019 : this is extremely giving me sf vibes but with like 5,000 more people taking pictures and 0 kites
15 August 2019 : there should be one bathroom for sit down peeing & pooping and another for stand up peeing and a door for stand up pooping that is locked
15 August 2019 : exactly
15 August 2019 : i’m so close to where they shot that scene from that one movie/show pic.twitter.com/PUGMZaHyxN
15 August 2019 : this theater in brooklyn has unisex bathrooms. there’s no door, you just walk in to a row of stalls and one long sink. no one bats an eye.
15 August 2019 : yes i obviously know
15 August 2019 : teen boy washing his hands next to me almost had a heart attack though
15 August 2019 : insane line for the women’s bathroom. zero line for the men’s bathroom. gender is a construct, pee is not.
15 August 2019 : there the sign is white with black font but STILL
15 August 2019 : i was like “wow walking through dumbo today feels SO MUCH like walking through sf” and then i looked up and now i think i might actually be in sf? pic.twitter.com/pypGlrZo5A
15 August 2019 : holy! shit!!!!
15 August 2019 : not a book, but reading angels in america.
15 August 2019 : 💗💗💗
15 August 2019 : honest moment: i have no clue what pagliacci is in reference to
15 August 2019 : i’m so excited to hang out with @CarolineMoss i could shit!!!!
15 August 2019 : also the egg obviously came first. it’s called evolution.
15 August 2019 : which came first: productivity addiction or convenience-oriented products (fast food, 7-eleven)? a real chicken and egg.
15 August 2019 : for now!
15 August 2019 : thinking about changing kenobi’s name to lenovo because it’s been 9 years and never once have i used the word lenovo but every time i write kenobi my phone changes it to lenovo and honestly i’m tired of fighting
15 August 2019 : additionally: i love you both and hope you have a beautiful day 💗
15 August 2019 : my key to better mental health is taking my meds around the same time every night, which quells the storm in my brain enough that i can pick up additional self care tasks like flossing and exercising
15 August 2019 : as for the existence of consulting fees - you’ll have to wait for the piece to drop to find out about why that exists and for whom ;)
15 August 2019 : hi all, just to clarify (and keep things cute!) it’s pretty common in creative fields for a lower level person to reach out to established folks for coffee (or similarly casual meeting) to ask about how they can move up in the field.
15 August 2019 : doctor, please help me. my arm fell off. DOCTOR: have you tried losing weight? yes i just lost 35 pounds that’s the problem DOCTOR: hmm, i see. come back when you lose another 30.
15 August 2019 : it’s a sweet hope but an uninformed one
15 August 2019 : that’s what i said! the meds are what got me to *go* to the gym!
15 August 2019 : so as well-meaning as it is to hope that exercise results in not needing to be medicated, please don’t assume that someone’s mental health issues is solely because of their weight.
15 August 2019 : but i had anxiety when i was a child. i had anxiety when i was in middle school, where fitness was a requirement. and i had it in high school, when i was a size 4 and i was in marching band and lacrosse and i could run a six minute mile.
15 August 2019 : being told that exercising may help me get off my meds comes from a place of uninformed kindness. yes, a lot of mental health issues can lessen with exercise. yes, many people with depression & anxiety have replaced meds with exercise.
15 August 2019 : wtfff
15 August 2019 : i have got a lot of work to do
15 August 2019 : fixing to show up to my next physical swole as hell and be like “look bitch i’m still broken” then i crush his head between my incredibly powerful thighs
15 August 2019 : every drop of sweat is borne from the desire to prove to my doctor that “lose weight” is not the answer to everything. pic.twitter.com/JLOazGVYna
15 August 2019 : yes i would love that :)
14 August 2019 : lol i realized that after i said it
14 August 2019 : or get into pottery
14 August 2019 : we’ve been in a proto-recession for awhile. best bet is to just drink.
14 August 2019 : lol i love that
14 August 2019 : ready 4 work pic.twitter.com/quWo5liWbr
14 August 2019 : anyway they’re still alive and nina shits like he’s behind on making his quota
14 August 2019 : emma when i clean her cage: uh wtf nina when i clean his cage: IT’S ARMAFUCKINGEDDEON OUT HERE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!
14 August 2019 : this is slightly different. it's more in terms of networking!
14 August 2019 : Areas of low clouds, then sun
14 August 2019 : oh shit should i email noam chomsky again lmao
14 August 2019 : it is for a Piece that may help me get a Job so let me Pick! Your! Brain!
14 August 2019 : hi hello, do you have a 'consulting fee' to cut down on the number of people asking to 'pick your brain'? have you asked – or been scared to ask – someone out to coffee/'pick their brain' because you aspire to have a job like theirs but don't know where to start? dm me :)
14 August 2019 : holy shit i am sending you and your family so much love and solidarity. if there's anything i can do, let me know.
14 August 2019 : “except biden” https://twitter.com/bpopetv/status/1161706675994320896
14 August 2019 : oh shit! oh shit! oh shit!! congrats!!!
14 August 2019 : there’s no scale (good!) so instead i am measuring myself to track progress. my waist is a perfect 39 inches and my hips are a delicious 46 inches.
14 August 2019 : @edzitron come laugh at my weakness
14 August 2019 : woah. the last time i used one of these the machine turned off because i was going too slow. pic.twitter.com/fSfEyFyU56
14 August 2019 : its called “cross-eyed smiley face with stuck out tongue”
14 August 2019 : 🤪
14 August 2019 : lotta great guesses, but none are correct. a hint: it’s a singular emoji, by itself. not doubled.
14 August 2019 : i recently described my boobs as an emoji. you’ll never guess which one.
13 August 2019 : @stoolpresidente a gift for you
13 August 2019 : someone left an unopened lollipop high up on the other side of the train tracks. feels like a trap for a very tall baby. pic.twitter.com/sYYXtLd4Sc
13 August 2019 : traunches
13 August 2019 : this would be the first time anyone has said that
13 August 2019 : 👏👏👏👏
13 August 2019 : :(
13 August 2019 : you ate lunch in the bathroom
13 August 2019 : he’s not making the comedy, he’s the joke
13 August 2019 : can you imagine?
13 August 2019 : and for those who are like ‘oh sweet i’ll scab at barstool, a dream come true!’ please know that literally no one would be impressed that you did work for this bucket of sweaty douchebags
13 August 2019 : seems high time freelancers boycott barstool & staffers contact @iww & @IWWFJU to see about unionizing against this chud https://twitter.com/stoolpresidente/status/1161341624888287232
13 August 2019 : solid kicker
13 August 2019 : desi this hurts
13 August 2019 : AJ?
13 August 2019 : fuhhht
13 August 2019 : ooo
13 August 2019 : oh shit!
13 August 2019 : awwwwww
13 August 2019 : 💗💗💗💗
13 August 2019 : nice pic.twitter.com/l76PmNiclc
13 August 2019 : you won
13 August 2019 : anyway people are probably going to die because fascism is so deeply engrained in american politics & policing
13 August 2019 : “antifascists are fighting someone” hm i wonder who those that oppose fascism would be fighting against hm hm hmmmmm
13 August 2019 : lol
13 August 2019 : gotta make sure i hit em all
13 August 2019 : good job cementing right wing activists as fascists you fuckin moron
13 August 2019 : stay home fascist fucks https://twitter.com/mrandyngo/status/1160848552920174593
13 August 2019 : i wanna fuck these sketches ugh
13 August 2019 : i feel like every single one of these sketches should get like a five minute break after to just process what just happened, but at the same time i want to inject every single line directly into my eyeballs
13 August 2019 : you took too small a slice
13 August 2019 : they’re mad cuz i won best hog at the hog shit snarfing contest
13 August 2019 : lmaoooooooo
13 August 2019 : personally i like when they smell like peas
13 August 2019 : he hasn’t posted since 2015! i feel honestly lucky he’s still on ig cuz it’d hurt to lose him. he was one of the first ppl i followed when i made my new private acct. such a gem. i feel lucky you’re still here!
13 August 2019 : no i mean like to others
13 August 2019 : wow
13 August 2019 : quick tell me how do i become attractive
13 August 2019 : IM TRYIN
13 August 2019 : lmfao pic.twitter.com/sImDkxrEHE
13 August 2019 : i asked josh the burning question: is it real? alongside noting that it’d seem “insane” to fake, he also said: “Every plate of pasta I have posted has been a distinct plate of pasta, which I have eaten.” pic.twitter.com/IXG7T1dcZA
13 August 2019 : true but if it was just tossed in sugar i could see it behaving like that
13 August 2019 : do they taste like shit?
13 August 2019 : it was probably *insanely* sweet too
13 August 2019 : someone tell fr*do to unblock me pic.twitter.com/J8VbEBqBXv
13 August 2019 : and i will try.... to fish you
13 August 2019 : looks like they made typical shortcake (sweet biscuits!) in cake pans, blending the shortcake dough with the angel food structure
13 August 2019 : true true
13 August 2019 : if they’re macerated (as they look to be) the liquid makes sense
13 August 2019 : well antifa guess we gotta start wearing beepers https://twitter.com/georgejoseph94/status/1160994274940526592
13 August 2019 : same
13 August 2019 : the fatal flaw is making it like a cake, when typically the shortcake serves as sort of an edible plate. had they made angel food cake instead, it would’ve absorbed a lot of that excess
13 August 2019 : if you’re going to try defying god and turning shortcake (sweet biscuit) into literal cake, add some corn starch or gelatin to the strawberries after macerating to prevent excess bleeding https://twitter.com/ewarren/status/1161092947347148800
13 August 2019 : yep the bit started around 2014
13 August 2019 : 30-50 feral fredos
13 August 2019 : @SavedYouAClick
13 August 2019 : zero he is perfect
13 August 2019 : ...or love story!
13 August 2019 : exactly
13 August 2019 : it’s art
13 August 2019 : it’s truly amazing i would have his babies just because of this
13 August 2019 : it’s https://instagram.com/joshokfine?igshid=1oa85esvrq4gx
13 August 2019 : mondays are pasta days
13 August 2019 : it’s beautiful
13 August 2019 : nope
13 August 2019 : i want to marry this lunatic so bad pic.twitter.com/jqEoqyPUZw
13 August 2019 : i am legit in love with this guy who eats a plate of pasta every night pic.twitter.com/oxC1CBv5JC
13 August 2019 : corn starch also works
13 August 2019 : lol i was like WHAT?!?!?! and then “oh”
13 August 2019 : add a little knox gelatin to the strawberries after you macerate to keep them from bleeding if you plan to serve immediately.
13 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/z8scALiSvQ
13 August 2019 : got real freaked out before realizing this is a sports tweet
13 August 2019 : they just want to be wanted
13 August 2019 : if this gets a ton of votes that will signal to prospective employers that i have strong engagement rates and will thus drive a lot of traffic to their site so please vote and fav and rt the poll so we can, together, trick someone into hiring me
13 August 2019 : should say paper towel, not actual towel. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1161033499689803783?s=21
13 August 2019 : please delete the tag
13 August 2019 : prime
13 August 2019 : no! i can’t read profiles rn but i just appreciate that the *tone* of the series is exactly the same as his other series about notably less serious stuff
13 August 2019 : oy
13 August 2019 : they’re docs?
13 August 2019 : i love those boooooooots
13 August 2019 : and yet we have each other
13 August 2019 : also i’m drunk
13 August 2019 : no it’s just his standard style doesn’t exactly mesh well with the topic
13 August 2019 : roommate says it’s on prime
13 August 2019 : it’s unintentionally super fucking hilarious
13 August 2019 : rick steves, the daddy of food and travel documentaries, has decided to become the daddy of........... a documentary series about fascism? he narrates it in the exact same tone and style as if he were explaining a great bus/walking tour in greece. and it’s not satire.
13 August 2019 : !!!!!!!!
13 August 2019 : i can’t insult i’m too horny over the waves of weakness emanating off these pics
13 August 2019 : goddamn zandy
13 August 2019 : i, too, want to fuck a union. but i want it to be a consensual, loving experience!
13 August 2019 : why do so many cis white dudes who experience like 1% success wind up being dickbags the rest of their lives like they’re still riding high off the one model they shoved their limp bag of beans into for two and a half minutes fifteen years ago
13 August 2019 : prob the chafe
13 August 2019 : DONE
13 August 2019 : openly vowing to break labor laws to make me feel like A Real Man is the only way i can get hard now pic.twitter.com/tbvCWII6GT
13 August 2019 : woah bro you must be so good at cumming
13 August 2019 : two spider-mans pointing at each other dot jpeg
13 August 2019 : my roommate came back with honey-flavored moonshine and loose leaf iced tea and i am quietly getting toasted
13 August 2019 : inventing bias where it doesn’t exist is a textbook fash move
13 August 2019 : iconic
13 August 2019 : https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20190806/22040442735/ex-googler-recently-held-up-as-whistleblower-proof-anti-conservative-bias-google-actually-supported-richard-spencer-racist.shtml pic.twitter.com/mui3hlR6HN
13 August 2019 : hell i said i love you to the dish washer on my first day
13 August 2019 : i got a new knife to tide me over until i can get my sweet wusthof baby fixed. *sigh* pic.twitter.com/YegmiPxem0
13 August 2019 : maybe she has a dairy allergy instead of lactose intolerance ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
13 August 2019 : i don’t cuz my discomfort isn’t enough to justify it & also the pills when i tried using them weren’t very effective? it’s like they just sort of.. make the inevitable happen a few days later.
13 August 2019 : lactaid milk is really good. ice creams are a loss. the cheeses have gotten pretty good!
13 August 2019 : welcome, friend.
13 August 2019 : thank you. also, mmm.
12 August 2019 : had to offer a no to the curmudgeons
12 August 2019 : 💗💗💗
12 August 2019 : they didn’t bring the lights up or stop anything they just quietly removed him and everyone just resumed watching the movie
12 August 2019 : also jesse williams was there and i spotted him as we were walking out, turned back, apologized for interrupting him, and thanked him for being a vocal advocate of racial justice amid a lot of celebrity silence re: michael brown.
12 August 2019 : i unknowingly attended the world premiere at the dolby (my friend got free tickets to be seat fillers) & we were seated among producers & execs. when he shoots the deer the sound was so loud someone in our row had to be removed on a stretcher bc it triggered a heart attack
12 August 2019 : mmm true. do you wanna hear a somewhat braggy anecdote about that movie?
12 August 2019 : no no, like a column giving advice about financial anxiety
12 August 2019 : trouble is typically pizza is already too dry & doing that would make the crust inedible, whereas my method adds moisture back to the cheese and crust without it getting soggy.
12 August 2019 : i wonder if there’s room at slate to do a money-oriented version of @danielortberg ’s dear prudence
12 August 2019 : http://www.taliajane.com/articles
12 August 2019 : please tell me the other 4 i’m hitting my maximum ‘time without sex’ point and so thirsty
12 August 2019 : raise your hand if you think i should get a full time writing job (pinned tweet for prospective employers)
12 August 2019 : fluffy like new pic.twitter.com/DpsnRS9tn8
12 August 2019 : CLOTH?
12 August 2019 : i’ve never been more attracted to oscar isaac
12 August 2019 : reheat eggs: do not.
12 August 2019 : microwave pizza: sprinkle water over whole slice (including crust). cover with plate. heat for 1 minute. reheat pizza via toaster: cover with damp towel, heat 4 minutes.
12 August 2019 : 30-50 feral dick swetts
12 August 2019 : everyone i’ve ever met eats cheetos with their thumb, forefinger, and middle finger. how he gets that much cheeto dust on his ring & pinky fingers is baffling. is he putting all five fingers in his mouth with every bite?
12 August 2019 : june 2018
12 August 2019 : why does he eat them with all five fingers
12 August 2019 : i dislike the ‘wrong answers only’ prompts because it undercuts what’s funny about itself
12 August 2019 : thank u 🙏
12 August 2019 : Dick Swett
12 August 2019 : you can decorate mine
12 August 2019 : reheat cooked rice: put in a small pot, break up with a fork, run a little water over it (2-3tbsp), cover, heat on lowest setting for 15-20 minutes.
12 August 2019 : heliporker
12 August 2019 : we are both perfect in everything
12 August 2019 : something i learned from spending two full days in nothing but a bath robe and underwear is that clothing is the thing that makes me feel like my body is bad. the clothes are the problem. my gunt is glorious.
12 August 2019 : feel like not enough people are bothering to clarify publicly what the hobbs and shaw are.
12 August 2019 : nice wood
12 August 2019 : just found out it’s...a fast and furious?
12 August 2019 : woah wait i thought hobbs & shaw was a new crime procedural on tnt
12 August 2019 : caro, i love you. this piece is so gentle and positive while also being unrelenting and defiant. a wonderful, heart-filling read.
12 August 2019 : our call was “a breath of fresh air” if this is the start of a love story i am ALL IN
12 August 2019 : lmfao
12 August 2019 : i also told the phone interviewer that it felt like we should become friends oh my god
12 August 2019 : 💗💕
12 August 2019 : Jane Jane
12 August 2019 : at my old job i had a coworker who’d say “watch your back” instead of “behind” or other less hostile phrases and it made my hackles go up. no surprise everyone hates him.
12 August 2019 : i accidentally said piss (instead of piece) during a phone interview
12 August 2019 : i let myself say it and then verbally readjusted, keeping the reframe in my mind, until i began saying excuse me more. i also would catch people saying “i’m sorry” to me and say to them “nothing to apologize for!” to re-cement the idea
12 August 2019 : the thing about season 3 is i was really worried by the end of season 2 that they’d run out of runway and season 3 would be a flop. but instead they recognized that and reoriented the focus to get deeper and really build out the world, without it being a hard pivot.
12 August 2019 : i brushed my teeth recently is that sufficient
12 August 2019 : just reframe how you think of it! it’s not useful to tell someone “i’m sorry” unless you’ve caused them actual harm.
12 August 2019 : could also yell HOT STUFF COMING THROUGH lmao
12 August 2019 : whereas left/right are if you’re putting something down/grabbing something next to where they’re standing. but behind is way way way more common
12 August 2019 : oh no you say on your left/right/etc in a kitchen but most often you say behind because you’re moving past someone who isn’t facing the same direction as you and you don’t want them to turn around and crash into you as you pass
12 August 2019 : watching season 3 of GLOW yesterday made me cry so many times i now have a mild edema on one of my eyelids lmao
12 August 2019 : no now i feel sad for you
12 August 2019 : lol omg perfect timing, us! https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1161010423304470528?s=21
12 August 2019 : well being in a kitchen the instinct tends to be BEHIND
12 August 2019 : typically i vocalize with a gentle “excuse me” (i had to unlearn saying “sorry”!) but sometimes if the tourists are especially dull i say EXCUSE ME very loudly and it scares them outta the way. this is only funny because i’m a 5 foot tall chubbo who looks like your mom’s friend
12 August 2019 : lmao i love it
12 August 2019 : may i suggest brightly saying “excuse me” because of 1 the tone is happy so folks don’t feel negative hearing it 2 you’re not internalizing the negative of apologies
12 August 2019 : amazing. thank you!
12 August 2019 : working in retail taught me the easiest way to let someone know you’re about to move past them, alongside verbally indicating such, is lightly tapping their shoulder or outer elbow https://twitter.com/anne_theriault/status/1160975426258440192
12 August 2019 : is that a typo or how it’s spelled
12 August 2019 : lmao
12 August 2019 : i like JD :)
12 August 2019 : imma bring my main baby to the knife lady of chelsea market and maybe have knife truck guy spruce up my roommate’s set as a gift for her that mostly makes me happy!
12 August 2019 : yeah it’s wildly stupid! in ca you have to put an announcement in the paper for 4 weeks in a row
12 August 2019 : i’m so excited to bring a dozen knives to chelsea next saturday oh my god https://twitter.com/sharilyn/status/1161003238356856834
12 August 2019 : thank you 🙏
12 August 2019 : oh fuck yes https://abc7ny.com/home/knife-lady-of-chelsea-market-gets-the-blade-just-right/5280633/
12 August 2019 : i’ll look into that! thank you!!!
12 August 2019 : me, dead sober: you ever think about how weird names are? stoner twitter: bruhh queer twitter: lmao yep!
12 August 2019 : would you be so kind as to indulge me in what your beloved name is?
12 August 2019 : lmao
12 August 2019 : hm seems a lil long
12 August 2019 : 1. for those who are jewish i’m asked if i’m jewish & have to divulge a little info on my complicated family 2. folks can’t pronounce or spell it (!) 3. it’s “ethnic” and femme so i’m immediately undermined/put in a box when applying for jobs
12 August 2019 : i’m guessing like, most of them
12 August 2019 : some thoughts: matilda (matty), rebecca, josephine (joe!)
12 August 2019 : not to mention the bias when you have a non-white, non-masc name. i would have an easier time if i were an amy or jake.
12 August 2019 : i would change my name but when i’ve asked folks what name seems to fit me best they always say hannah and i fuckin cringe and cling ever-harder to my slightly unusual (if you’re not in israel or new york) name.
12 August 2019 : it’s weird that our parents name us when we’re infants incapable of anything and then we grow up and become wholly autonomous adults most of us just stay named whatever they thought of when they were exhausted and high on pain killers.
12 August 2019 : to be fair i tried seeing what wifi my phone has saved but i couldn’t figure it out and got distracted that someone nearby has a wifi named “BEETROOT?” and “YOUWANTFUCKINGBEETROOT?”
12 August 2019 : solidarity ✊
12 August 2019 : IMPORTANT: i will NOT take her to sur la table or similar kitchen retailer that offers knife sharpening. i used to do that job. they don’t train the staff and just use an electric sharpener, which would break the tip further. i ruined several knives that way. it haunts me.
12 August 2019 : it’s been enough time that i can say this without crying: last week i dropped my knife at work and it bent/chipped the tip. does anyone have any recs about knife sharpeners in the brooklyn/nyc area?
12 August 2019 : RT @NYCAntifa: since politicians decided to weigh in today... https://t.co/nTonBlhz9h
12 August 2019 : i ate a klondike bar yesterday looking for satisfaction but alas it did not come
12 August 2019 : this photo/text combo also neatly captures the disparity in my online posting persona compared to me in real life. in case you’ve ever been worried that i am too energetic to be around based on my tweets, i’m not! most of the time i’m human chamomile tea!
12 August 2019 : shoutout to everyone who waits until their day off to spill their depression all over everything before packing it up and returning to business as usual. it’s like binge eating on your cheat day but for toxic thoughts & total apathy! wildly unhealthy but effective! pic.twitter.com/F4FItydM95
12 August 2019 : i’m hopeful that matty is sharing it without comment for exactly this type of dissemination without indicting himself in criticizing his workplace, but it deserves an insane ratio.
12 August 2019 : to be fair i couldn’t read to the end because the stupid was too loud so maybe it ends on a less disingenuous note but ultimately that doesn’t matter because there’s so much stupid ahead of it. i feel worse about myself knowing someone got paid to write it.
12 August 2019 : harris & warren posted that michael brown was murdered even though the obama justice department determined wilson may have had reason to fear for his life and therefore didn’t qualify the murder of michael brown as a murder. it is stupid.
12 August 2019 : wow this piece is a waste of time. michael brown was murdered, end of discussion.
12 August 2019 : i mean robe oh boy i’m still adjusting
12 August 2019 : it’s the one thing my life has been missing. kimonos ain’t got nothin on a fluffy bath towel.
12 August 2019 : but if you want a psl fix any time of year - and with way less sugar - you can buy a pumpkin spice mix from mccormick and sprinkle it over coffee grounds before brewing.
12 August 2019 : likely so.
12 August 2019 : i see what you did, listing more than three things in your intro grafs. i see you.
12 August 2019 : it’s more important. also that conspiracy theory is fucking amazing.
12 August 2019 : can i just say that i am so invested in your work on this
12 August 2019 : welcome
12 August 2019 : that’s literally why i can’t finish this fucking proposal
12 August 2019 : you can reconsolidate them! basically wherever you switch to pays off whoever owns them, then you pay that new place. the downside is you’ll likely have to pay higher minimums and for a period it’ll put a ding in your credit score.
12 August 2019 : lol
12 August 2019 : i even sent screenshots of the page to someone who i saw on my timeline advocate for unbanking and i was like AM I READING THIS WRONG???? and he was like “no that’s legit insane”
12 August 2019 : yeah i had to read it like seven times because i couldn’t believe it. from the looks of it they’re trying to court the fancy brooklyn art types. i figured i’d wait awhile and check again to see if the minimum lowered.
12 August 2019 : full disclosure: i haven’t unbanked yet because the local credit union requires an insane minimum balance (something like 3k) so if you’re low income/can’t afford anything but the predatory big banks, don’t let it make you feel shitty. just encourage others who can to switch!
12 August 2019 : well look at that, @wellsfargo is the bank of the NRA. go to https://culookup.com to find a credit union near you. find one you’re eligible to join, and request a switch kit. https://twitter.com/shannonrwatts/status/1160963832203767808
12 August 2019 : my kink might be blatant emotional unavailability and if so it is 100% very obviously related to parental neglect throughout my childhood. what a pickle. desperate for affection, turned on by being pushed away. don’t ignore me! but also...oh god keep ignoring me i’m so close
12 August 2019 : million dollar idea: nathan fielder, obliterating my crotch.
12 August 2019 : i can’t read
12 August 2019 : my brand!
12 August 2019 : so you’re saying i’m a catch but i’m single because everyone is stupid? sounds right
12 August 2019 : a curse would be an improvement
12 August 2019 : cool
12 August 2019 : here’s this, which seems the cooler image to share. please make things up that will make me feel good about myself based on this. pic.twitter.com/TNDLFlQ8pz
12 August 2019 : lol imagining someone who actually has that email address being so annoyed by all the spam they get
12 August 2019 : they sound like a data mining app tbh
12 August 2019 : anyone wanna look at these and tell me if i’ll ever be happy, have friends, and/or pay off my student loans? thx pic.twitter.com/us1nrSwSEq
12 August 2019 : oh. shit.
12 August 2019 : i’m just saying a lotta folks seem to think they’ll have a future where they tell their grandkids “i compared him to a harry potter character and it ended fascism”
12 August 2019 : wait how do you find out this stuff
12 August 2019 : cannot stop thinking about how absolutely ludicrous hitler’s mustache was. hitler looked like a fuckin clown. didn’t stop him from leading the extermination of millions of humans. thinking “i call trump orange” is anything more than a self-soothing insult is very dumb.
12 August 2019 : it’s out!
12 August 2019 : season 3 of GLOW. holy fuck.
11 August 2019 : rightly so
11 August 2019 : thanks they put it in trying to rent the unit at $400 more but they couldn’t find any takers. they also installed a giant ikea chandelier in one of the rooms and redid the tile in the bathroom.
11 August 2019 : maybe i will enjoy mad men when i am 35
11 August 2019 : @DriveALW where
11 August 2019 : no shit???
11 August 2019 : i’m too tired you gotta bring em here
11 August 2019 : love and blessings to whoever got me a giant bathrobe. i can finally immerse myself in my depression mope comfortably. pic.twitter.com/sOpXkkImiO
11 August 2019 : epstein was taken out by the 2016 forest clowns
11 August 2019 : i’m on 50mgs sertraline. it is very mild.
11 August 2019 : (tune of ‘is she really going out with him’) will anyone hang out with me
11 August 2019 : lmao
11 August 2019 : i just give em claritin, tbh
11 August 2019 : you’re both vacuous grifters who don’t know shit
11 August 2019 : zoloft
11 August 2019 : oh shit!
11 August 2019 : @nathanfielder come over
11 August 2019 : i wanna fuck it
11 August 2019 : jokers trick
11 August 2019 : roommate is outta town! gotta party! relish the alone time! break free and be wild! i have many friends and hobbies!! pic.twitter.com/JlSh7DzQVD
11 August 2019 : roommate is outta town so i took my shirt off and napped with my door open. i also texted one person asking them to hang out and they said no so i’m not going to ask anyone else because it’ll be no’s all the way down also just realized i’d have to get out of bed.
11 August 2019 : where does it end i wanna bend over in front of the exit and have a wild time
11 August 2019 : he’s saying HOT HOT HOT HOT hot HOT hot hot HOT https://twitter.com/naturelsweird/status/1160592100016177157
11 August 2019 : hell no she’s a goddamn icon & visionary creative & also fully transparent about her income whereas the folks im criticizing hide their wealth in an effort to appear ~relatable~
11 August 2019 : i mostly say half phrases
11 August 2019 : i can’t do autocomplete prompt tweets because my phone wants to talk about it omg omg was the way i i is the way you are going on the way down the road
11 August 2019 : i gave a knowing smile and let my kindness & politeness make her knees buckle
11 August 2019 : lol it probably wasn’t who i mean. there’s rich stay at home folks who create and work, and then there’s the ones who’ve made twitter their only focus to cope with their profound emptiness.
11 August 2019 : lol no love you are a maker and a creator & if we ever met irl it would be full of joy. i once met one irl who had made jokes about me when i got fired & the emptiness in her soul was only slightly obscured by the absolute terror on her face of knowing who she was meeting.
11 August 2019 : all of em
11 August 2019 : i love discovering the funny insightful person everyone obsessively retweets into my timeline is actually an extremely rich stay at home nobody. every time.
11 August 2019 : it brings me much joy to see folks work through an honest conversation coming from a place of genuine compassion & intrigue, working through confusion together. i love you.
11 August 2019 : i would honestly love that
11 August 2019 : idk somewhere on 6th ave in manhattan
11 August 2019 : well said
11 August 2019 : also why does bed bath and beyond have a cafe and free wifi are they trying to make people live there
11 August 2019 : they know exactly what this copy is doing and i resent them for it pic.twitter.com/uSDEFMPghs
11 August 2019 : ugh
11 August 2019 : being considerate is a survival skill that those of more affluent backgrounds have never had to learn.
11 August 2019 : one of my earlier retail jobs was stock so for most of the time there i didn’t have to learn anything besides how to manage stock. but on black friday they had me out on the floor surrounded by people asking me the difference between types of jeans
11 August 2019 : i worked at sur la table. i worked in the kitchen, listening to the chefs soft sell products, then used that info out on the floor. plus we had to take product knowledge courses on the computer every quarter. i fuckin hated those.
11 August 2019 : @yashar
11 August 2019 : i will fold them for you bring em over i have different folding styles depending on your needs
11 August 2019 : i genuinely believe society would be a vastly better place if everyone was forced to work retail and food service for at least 5 years, but it shouldn’t take that for people to know not to be fuckin assholes.
11 August 2019 : oh you don’t know me at ALL. i routinely refold the towels my roommate has put in the towel drawer after she goes to bed so they’re all trifolded. the benefit is when you put them on the towel rack all you have to do to make them look nice is unfold lengthwise!
11 August 2019 : lol i had my closet colorized but i had to stop because it made me feel a little *too* keyed in. now i just have it categorized.
11 August 2019 : lol i got so good at faking it i’d forget i was still talking. scanpans are made from recycled aluminum in scandinavia and can sear meat like a cast iron while scrambling eggs like a nonstick!
11 August 2019 : the point is, i bought a bath sheet.
11 August 2019 : same!!!!
11 August 2019 : sounds like Boss Mentality.
11 August 2019 : a lot of putting things back is figuring out how it was before you touched it. i used to hang bras so i have that knowledge, but the towel thing i literally just unfolded a few to see how they get folded. i do the same with pants - though there’s usually creases that help
11 August 2019 : once i got my food handlers i vowed to never work retail again because it is a cruel combination of constant grunt work & extensive emotional labor (pretending to be excited to help you pick a fucking plate) at minimum wage.
11 August 2019 : hell yeah
11 August 2019 : also it irritates the living shit out of them, resulting in high turnover rates, resulting in you, the customer, having a worse experience
11 August 2019 : yesssss!
11 August 2019 : because it is and perfectly articulates my point. your inability to see that is not my problem to solve.
11 August 2019 : thus why i unfolded another towel & figured out how *they* fold it before putting it back
11 August 2019 : the thought “someone will clean it up” is what creates 95% of the messes & disorder in any retail environment. it keeps workers from having the energy to break down inventory, tidy up the stockroom, dust/clean, or effectively help customers.
11 August 2019 : do you think it’s okay to shit on the walls and floor of a public bathroom because part of the maintenance staff’s job is to clean the toilets? https://twitter.com/arby_bergstyelz/status/1160372924316028928
11 August 2019 : customers are fuckin assholes
11 August 2019 : and it loves you
11 August 2019 : nay, i am just a worker. i also arrange empty dishes/trash at the end of a meal to make it easier for the busser/server to remove. this tends to be a more common instinct for consumers because they are socialized to recognize the workers as humans, while retail workers aren’t.
11 August 2019 : in general: don’t be an asshole! just because you’re looking to spend money doesn’t make you superior to the people who work there, and never in a million years would a company hire people whose only job is to refold shit. assuming such minimizes the humanity of the workers.
11 August 2019 : if you push a row of hangers down so you can flip through items on a rack more easily, push everything back so there isn’t a big gap. put things half-hanging back on the hanger completely as you pass them. i am frequently asked if i work at a place i’m shopping because of this.
11 August 2019 : same. black friday at american eagle. retail was so traumatizing that i will routinely tidy up displays just because i feel so guilty knowing what an absolute nightmare retail workers have to deal with every day.
11 August 2019 : i spend a long time trying on clothes because i stay in the dressing room re-hanging/folding everything. i then take that stuff out with me & return it to where it was on the floor. if i can’t find where i got something, i’ll give it to the fitting room attendant.
11 August 2019 : for bras, if you haven’t worked in a job that required you to hang bras all day, you’re better off just leaving it off the hanger (with the band re-hooked) because every place has slightly different hanging styles and it’s a pain in the ass to do without breaking the hanger
11 August 2019 : if you remove clothing from hangers, pay attention to which way the clothes face on the hanger and return it facing that direction. if you rehang without paying attention, someone will have to undo and fix it.
11 August 2019 : if you want to remove a pair of pants or a shirt/top from a display pile, slide your hand under the stack you need to remove to get your item, lift the stack and place it next to its pile, grab your item, return the stack back.
11 August 2019 : as someone who has worked retail, oh i know, and i am so sorry
11 August 2019 : ✊
11 August 2019 : i didnt have anywhere else!
11 August 2019 : a lady & her son unfolded a bath sheet to see how long it was right after my whole Thing and he couldn’t figure out how to refold it & she said “someone’s whole job is to just fold the towels” (not true, problematic!) so i asked him for the towel and refolded it correctly for him
11 August 2019 : what do you do when you unfold a towel to see if you like it before buying? do you just toss it back and say “eh, someone gets paid to fix them”? if you’re me, you unfold 2 other towels to figure out how they fold them, then refold all of them & return them to the display. pic.twitter.com/Qw8UiNCkpB
10 August 2019 : someone wrote “Yolanda is A Big Hoe! (Dekalb)” into the sidewalk (on Dekalb). the only way this could better utilize a typically sentimental form of graffiti is if it were etched into a giant oak tree surrounded by a heart with an arrow going through it pic.twitter.com/xiWIxD5IcH
10 August 2019 : all my knife cuts have only ever been like paper cut-size & also they rarely happen
10 August 2019 : choppin
10 August 2019 : knife blister be growin like woah pic.twitter.com/bSPfOqsgLs
10 August 2019 : it’s almost too easy https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1160292006092050432
10 August 2019 : HOT. PRIEST.
10 August 2019 : was listening to this npr story about a victorian woman who was described as well-read, articulate, in her 40s, and ~unusually, had never been married~ and i reflexively shouted SHE WAS GAY
10 August 2019 : this is so real https://twitter.com/shelbyfero/status/1160234724792709122
10 August 2019 : shit
10 August 2019 : earlier reports said he’d been beaten in his cell so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not hard to connect the dots
10 August 2019 : my phone is extremely fucking cursed
10 August 2019 : i’m bisexual which means i’m attracted to a man of god was a god god and his holy word what the FUCK https://twitter.com/anaopp/status/1159851578293182465
10 August 2019 : took me about 2 weeks for things to settle, 3rd week is when i noticed i was encountering thoughts that would previously fuck me up & instead moved past them with ease.
10 August 2019 : rest in feces you piece of shit — Jeffrey Epstein Commits Suicide at Manhattan Jail https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/10/nyregion/jeffrey-epstein-suicide.html
10 August 2019 : that’s rich dude lingo for “extremely stupid” https://twitter.com/tayhatmaker/status/1159929204001013761
10 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/fHWawgbA5S
10 August 2019 : i am pulling for y’all and hope you post tons of pics!!!!
10 August 2019 : YESSSSSSSSSS
10 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/LPU4yvrA5Y
10 August 2019 : daddy like
10 August 2019 : the broadest motivator for supporting fascism is fear of losing power. when you keep that in mind it becomes a lot easier to see & point out how that motivator expresses itself through absolutely absurd histrionics. laugh at them before you have to plead with them.
10 August 2019 : that’s the plan!
10 August 2019 : lmao
10 August 2019 : can’t sleep. chunky farts.
10 August 2019 : it wasn’t lubed in a day
10 August 2019 : sure you are
10 August 2019 : the shirt was too strong
10 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/uxXDWUGONe
10 August 2019 : thank u
10 August 2019 : it’s too beautiful for your eyes
10 August 2019 : i felt simultaneously deflated at confronting the cold reality and inspired by the artistry of it
10 August 2019 : https://twitter.com/youranalogbuddy/status/1160011739301339136?s=21
10 August 2019 : @youranalogbuddy its here https://twitter.com/youranalogbuddy/status/1160011739301339136?s=21
10 August 2019 : absolutely not
10 August 2019 : have to say that the illusion is both very convincing and very clever
10 August 2019 : i suspect it’s to draw in instagram tourists
10 August 2019 : which is why it’s such a good thing to mock them relentlessly instead of actually taking umbrage with their deliberate effort to incite outrage.
10 August 2019 : it’s a wall, like one of those installations with water running down it. except it’s oil, on a wall painted light brown so as to look like chocolate. suspect real chocolate would be a huge pain in the ass to maintain/not get health code violations over
10 August 2019 : of course my dear
10 August 2019 : it’s such a clear early signal of where their sympathies lie that when they end up endorsing outright fascism it’s like well duh.
10 August 2019 : it’s at some ice cream shop near union square called venchi.
10 August 2019 : fascistic ideologues love complaining about pc culture & trigger warnings. the concept of consideration is a direct assault on their sense of power. they’re just boring whiny douchebags afraid of being kind.
10 August 2019 : ah mineral oil! well now i am relieved i wiped it off into my hair to moisturize it
10 August 2019 : oh even better. i miss calzones.
10 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/ocxwlsjsIr
10 August 2019 : you’re welcome
10 August 2019 : they say don’t touch but then they also play easy listening and have the wall fixed behind a section of plush seating tucked into a corner so it sure seems like prime real estate for orgies.
10 August 2019 : free lube, is my thought
10 August 2019 : it’s not canola or olive, those would get tacky/rancid over time. it didn’t seem to have an odor or any noticeable flavor. i think it’s lube.
10 August 2019 : i do, because i believe in *you*
10 August 2019 : boy who bout to get his ass beat pic.twitter.com/swEOO5PfaR
10 August 2019 : HOBBS & SHAW & HOBBS & SHAW & HOBBS &
10 August 2019 : may this station never remove this bizarre trio of movie ads pic.twitter.com/Zk5Zyuz2fg
10 August 2019 : lmao
10 August 2019 : 60% of humans have some form of lactose intolerance. that’s 60% of your potential consumer base avoiding your delightful confections because it’ll make em feel icky. sell lactaid pills for a dollar each. hell, even 50 cents each would still be a huge net gain.
10 August 2019 : why do i always have to be the genius innovator smh
10 August 2019 : hey ice cream shops: sell lactaid pills
10 August 2019 : low-hanging fruit is always like “tRiGgErEd?!” no bitch u just easy
10 August 2019 : no one cares it’s just easy to dunk on you
10 August 2019 : horrifying
10 August 2019 : found my new daddy pic.twitter.com/iJmnZ1crkE
10 August 2019 : i touched the chocolate fountain that they tell you not to touch. it’s oil. it’s just oil on a brown wall. what a grift. pic.twitter.com/TpMbqR6DkO
9 August 2019 : even though there’s no tax credit, it still feels good to give.
9 August 2019 : i just made a sizeable donation to the toilet foundation, a noble charity that gobbles up my shit and turns it into drinking water.
9 August 2019 : it’s not you! i appreciate being thought of! the trouble is they typically bury that info kinda deeper into the application/info page so if you’re just seeing the broad strokes it looks good!
9 August 2019 : how’s about a fellowship where foundations give me 1k for the time i waste reading this bullshit
9 August 2019 : no, not at all. a thousand dollars over nine months is about a hundred bucks a month to research & write three to six stories.
9 August 2019 : this one is 1k for 3-6 pieces. so the incentive is to do fewer pieces, to match the amount of work you can reasonably afford to do. which undermines the purpose of a fellowship.
9 August 2019 : i am not infrequently alerted to fellowship-type opportunities to write about finance/economics and every time my heart leaps with excitement but then i see that the pay is so low it doesn’t even pay a market rate for each piece.
9 August 2019 : they’re missing out on us!
9 August 2019 : something brutally ironic about a fellowship to cover progressive economic plans from the perspective of solutions that pays its fellows $1,000 for nine months of work. i don’t need no hoity toity fellowship to identify that economic problem & its obvious solution.
9 August 2019 : that’s how i read it!
9 August 2019 : the fellowship offers a $1,000 stipend for 3-6 stories over the course of about nine months, with monthly progress video conferences. should i apply? or just note the absurdity of that rate? https://twitter.com/neweconomics/status/1159839783759183872
9 August 2019 : 3-6 stories for $1,000 over the course of nine months seems...... low
9 August 2019 : late to bed, early to rise makes a labor worker unhappy, unhealthy, and ready to stab out her own eyes.
9 August 2019 : it’s unbelievably funny
9 August 2019 : fuck this is so true
9 August 2019 : i’m so proud of u tbh!!!
9 August 2019 : fuck
9 August 2019 : hairy cherry
9 August 2019 : i am LITERALLY your girlfriend BECAUSE of the 30-50 feral hogs!!!
9 August 2019 : oh holy shit
9 August 2019 : eh?
9 August 2019 : hello just circling back to say this still absolutely destroys. “i did a toot” sent me. we are friends now please.
9 August 2019 : what the fuck lisa pic.twitter.com/d5PSdzVllE
9 August 2019 : it’s never the gun
9 August 2019 : 😛😛😛
9 August 2019 : seems they really blew the lede 🤪 https://twitter.com/quillette/status/1159614554831122433
9 August 2019 : RIP archie carter, real construction man who loves watching the mets blow a lead.
9 August 2019 : @iww
9 August 2019 : Today I was asked whether water is wet. I said yes. I’m fucking incredible. https://twitter.com/ewarren/status/1159602449998594051
9 August 2019 : (me)
9 August 2019 : *person
9 August 2019 : i took this after everyone left i wasn’t just hanging out alone pic.twitter.com/wtK4EDucVA
9 August 2019 : successful ~soft meeting~ with sweet babes of the @IWWFJU tonight!!! JOIN US pic.twitter.com/CiNMxRqk3F
8 August 2019 : you can have this one too https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1159542992102928384?s=21
8 August 2019 : chug my ass piss
8 August 2019 : archie carter shot 30-50 feral hogs in 3-5 minutes
8 August 2019 : archie carter and principal skinner were in the closet making babies and i saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me
8 August 2019 : i wanna do a dramatic reading of it
8 August 2019 : i wanna read the archived version
8 August 2019 : real legit journalism you got there. would be a shame if... the industry’s entire profit model revolved around reactionary bad faith talking points built up under a hollow insistence for “both sides” where one side invents people and scenarios just to invalidate perceived threats
8 August 2019 : did the mets blow another lead
8 August 2019 : imma say yes cuz apparently we can just say things and then they are true
8 August 2019 : archie carter? archie carter, the construction worker in queens?! why, when he’s not on the job, he’s watching the mets blow a lead! last summer he helped me give birth to a litter of puppies! half died of parvo, poor things. real guy archie carter helped me eat their remains. https://twitter.com/willsommer/status/1159570826154430465
8 August 2019 : thank u @pblest
8 August 2019 : quillette lmao
8 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/0E7hf3FUzT
8 August 2019 : exactly!
8 August 2019 : it’s from the greek root “scubus,” meaning to suck
8 August 2019 : which of u hot babes is goin to xoxo this year
8 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/dINjdiqvQX
8 August 2019 : i know i voted for the one you should see but that you're gunna see the other one.. probably not for the first time :(
8 August 2019 : truly stunned you made it that far on her page
8 August 2019 : those are called antivax attacks. it's from straining too hard to distort factual information into options within an elitist belief system.
8 August 2019 : thank you?
8 August 2019 : would like to alert prospective employers that i have the cutest contact page you'll ever see (it has a spoof email link to discourage spam). copyediting/writing! assistant! emotional support animal! i can do it all! https://taliajane.com/contact
8 August 2019 : tryina get it to +6k
8 August 2019 : have you ever been reading something and realize you’ve been unintentionally promoting something without knowing there’s a term or collective ideology behind it and now you have a new fancy word to toss around like you invented it? pic.twitter.com/BUWGphsFSV
8 August 2019 : the struggle not to cry/laugh out loud at this oh my god
8 August 2019 : lmao
8 August 2019 : really something.
8 August 2019 : i’m hard
8 August 2019 : choke on a bucket of farts
8 August 2019 : no you fuckin moron
8 August 2019 : SHARE
8 August 2019 : everyone who works at this wework cancelled their equinox membership yesterday pic.twitter.com/Ki0lFmHrtm
8 August 2019 : we have descended into the letting my hair down and pushing it over my face in an effort to make the words come out portion of the copywriting process!!!
8 August 2019 : like i'm already fat, but now i look like if you stuck a pin in me i'd deflate
8 August 2019 : my face is so swollen from eating gluten last night it's actively hilarious.
8 August 2019 : i think it depends on whether the removal or the keeping would best suit your needs. for example, my grampa's number is still in my phone so when i see it i get a happy reminder of him, but if a friend died i'd need to remove the info because the loss would hurt differently.
8 August 2019 : i heard the stories but didn't quite believe them, but i can now confirm that new twitter is, indeed, a ux nightmare. holy fuck. it's so blatantly engagement-focused that it fully eliminates any interest in engaging.
8 August 2019 : really appreciate that the growing narrative around free speech and tech's complicity in providing space to fascistic ideology is that they *do* enforce censorship and elevate some content above others, so the argument that they can't boot the nazis collapses in on itself.
8 August 2019 : that’s why it’s wearing glasses https://twitter.com/louvelune/status/1159502978774159362
8 August 2019 : the bitch is Back, baby!!!!! #glactus pic.twitter.com/mgIzMYzBPl
8 August 2019 : blessed that you have chosen to share your bedtime secrets with me
8 August 2019 : so i sent a link to the hypermobility wiki to my sister and when the thumbnail photo loaded it made my butthole clench? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypermobility_(joints)
8 August 2019 : lol cum
8 August 2019 : want to say “ICE should arrest themselves” but am confident either they’ve already accidentally arrested an ICE agent or they will bc they’re a roving gang of morons more focused on flexing power than doing something productive with their lives, like animal fostering or dying.
8 August 2019 : for more Behind The Tweets, tune in in 3-4 hours when i openly question why i can’t stop shitting and then remember, in front of god and the world, that it’s because i drank an iced coffee with regular milk. ta-ta!
8 August 2019 : being a pancake maker probably has a high turnover rate. i thought of this while watching a guy use a weed wacker around a cemetery and wondered how one’s brain handles the dissonance of your minimum wage job being cemetery maintenance. a little overt. have a blessed day! 💋
8 August 2019 : The Unbearable Lightness of Being ~quirky~ 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
8 August 2019 : my blouse says Office Bitch but my pores say Poor
8 August 2019 : doh requires drinks to have a lid but opening & closing quart containers is a hassle & water bottles are difficult to clean. introducing: quart container with a hole stabbed through it to fit a straw. doh-compliant, earth-friendly!
8 August 2019 : am wearing a blouse bcause am a Business Bitch pic.twitter.com/2FB1yaRZZY
8 August 2019 : when he said “i became a man in new orleans, if you know what i mean” i was like “i do”
8 August 2019 : 53% of white women
8 August 2019 : you, basic: [laughing at the eccentric notes in this interview] me, genius: vampire’s kiss is a masterpiece
8 August 2019 : “I think time is a friend. Many of my movies that were mocked are enjoying a renaissance. So I’m hopeful that time will be on my side.” https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/08/07/magazine/nicolas-cage-interview.html
8 August 2019 : weird vibe
8 August 2019 : you ever wake up to see something and feel a rush that finally your secret fear that you’re living the truman show has been confirmed?
8 August 2019 : yesterday i woke up to lots of noises and saw that the second floor of this building behind mine was just the facade, like a set for the outside of a building, and i had to do the cartoon head shake to make sure my eyes were seeing things right
8 August 2019 : if the last two days have taught me anything, it’s that the way you demolish a building that’s connected to another one is by taking a chainsaw and just cutting it off piece by piece starting at 7am, apparently pic.twitter.com/UtIhE2HDji
8 August 2019 : qanon is the tea party movement of the late 2010s. it’s only going to get weirder and the weird is only going to get more legitimized from here.
8 August 2019 : oh the chili suit episode is absolutely erotic
8 August 2019 : truly! also i keep having to increase the weights because i expect being weak but actually i am incredibly buff. it’s just covered in a lovely layer of fat!
8 August 2019 : why did no one tell me workout soreness feels *exactly* the same as working a double?? lmao folks really made this seem so much more than it is oh my god
8 August 2019 : do you smell that? that change in the air? it’s coming. pumpkin spice season.
8 August 2019 : can i get that on a mug
7 August 2019 : ahm post your etsy i wanna buy these
7 August 2019 : i have been waiting weeks to premiere this sister @SaraMichener -inspired raincoat. be the iridescence you wanna see in the world 🌈✨ pic.twitter.com/fgXYJfqO47
7 August 2019 : b.o. is praxis
7 August 2019 : i don’t know how to check campaign donations for the two founders & current ceo but i did find this https://www.clubindustry.com/blog/ex-planet-fitness-ceo-mike-grondahl-back-news
7 August 2019 : that’s hella rude i work out in chucks
7 August 2019 : lmao
7 August 2019 : but do they have kiehl’s in the locker rooms?
7 August 2019 : cock & ball torture or cognitive behavioral therapy?
7 August 2019 : i can’t wait for them to join planet fitness and then recoil in shock at how the poors exercise and then they have a fleeting moment of self actualization before begrudgingly & secretly rejoining their fancy pants douche gym
7 August 2019 : it’s true. also very tall!
7 August 2019 : nice https://twitter.com/zachstafford/status/1159161903970754561
7 August 2019 : corey is a good boy who i love
7 August 2019 : bari weiss is trash & taffy stanning her is a condemnation of them both
7 August 2019 : can someone tell me exactly how hot and successful i need to become to get a shot with nathan fielder
7 August 2019 : ahh where to begin
7 August 2019 : well i tried to avoid it but i am once again lusting for nathan fielder
7 August 2019 : lol yikes
7 August 2019 : stunned to learn that the ceo of a company whose entire ethos is capitalizing on elitism is a trump supporter
7 August 2019 : god i hope so
7 August 2019 : i refuse to be a part of this pic.twitter.com/s9aj9A2oBV
7 August 2019 : twenty! eight! dollars!!!!!
7 August 2019 : come over & shower here
7 August 2019 : love this transparency!!!
7 August 2019 : hmmm did you also slam a bag of skittles for dinner, bizarro me?
7 August 2019 : exactly! i have been going to work and paying bills and doing laundry and taking out the trash and all the normal ebbs and flows of maintaining. i just couldn’t bring myself to do anything beyond the bare minimum. and now i’m doing 5% above bare minimum!
7 August 2019 : my experiences the first two weeks all faded as my body adjusted. don’t think any weird change (neck tension & spinning thoughts were big for me) will be permanent! best of luck on your path!
7 August 2019 : i wanna be clear that i don’t think being medicated = working out. it’s just one example of how i encountered a thought hurdle and the response i had to it was different than the usual. another example: flossing every day. another: night showers!
7 August 2019 : the benefit of coping with anxiety my entire life is i am constantly assessing and analyzing myself. i am acutely tuned into how my brain functions or doesn’t function. which is why i feel comfortable sharing these updates.
7 August 2019 : the beauty of this is i can separate impulsive choices (like eating a bag of skittles for dinner) and anxiety-producers (i have been desperately wanting to go to the gym for years!) and identify more clearly what i can work on and what is dependent on my brain chemistry.
7 August 2019 : this is different from impulsivity - i’m not doing negative behaviors (binge eating, getting a face tattoo, jumping off a bridge). i’m simply approaching the same hurdles i’d typically avoid and instead of mountains, they are speed bumps. it’s easy to walk over a speed bump.
7 August 2019 : for my whole life i have experienced moments where i think about doing something (like exercising!) and a big anxiety pit forms in my stomach and i find myself too exhausted to bother. over the past few weeks, i face those moments expecting the pit - but then it doesn’t happen.
7 August 2019 : i have been on sertraline for a month and tonight i went to the gym and worked out for the first time in years.
7 August 2019 : also last night i decided it was time to get a new litter box and walking home from work i saw that someone had discarded one of those top entry litter boxes, barely used, right on my block. i wanted to try it but didn’t want to buy one in case the cats hate it. wow!
7 August 2019 : holy shit. i folded all my laundry and ALL of my socks had a pair. holy shit.
7 August 2019 : nine years together and he still thinks me folding laundry is a game where the point is to sit in the exact center of the action and swat at everything he can. he knows this annoys me. pic.twitter.com/q2NunWGTpC
6 August 2019 : there she is
6 August 2019 : no es una chiste:( (or is it broma? i don’t know!)
6 August 2019 : solo hablo espanol para la cocina
6 August 2019 : tongue kissing good night each and every one of my beloved feral hogs
6 August 2019 : 😩
6 August 2019 : well, at least i shot my.. shot?
6 August 2019 : KEN
6 August 2019 : awwww 😭💗😭 are you hiring and/or can you pay off my student loans
6 August 2019 : 30-50 sex gifs
6 August 2019 : i like its straightforwardness
6 August 2019 : i say this to myself, for i have recently realized that i.........am a reply guy
6 August 2019 : why aren’t we in love
6 August 2019 : desi is the messiah we’re all just too fuckin dumb to realize it & don’t deserve salvation anyway
6 August 2019 : imagine being a reply guy when you could just scratch a bug bite so hard it grows to eight times its size and leaves a permanent bruise mmmmmmmm
6 August 2019 : you’re not a triple threat. you’re an infinity threat.
6 August 2019 : and the cum
6 August 2019 : i follow for the child abuse realness and cats
6 August 2019 : reminder: ted cruz porn tweet
6 August 2019 : aww look at us being vulnerable and honest
6 August 2019 : i sensed the ‘ugh, no’ when my reply wouldn’t send
6 August 2019 : @DesiJed i’m positive you deleted because the effort involved to slam folks who would get off on just a modicum of attention is not worth it but wanna let u know i’m always rooting for u however possible pic.twitter.com/DgPJ4IH6kT
6 August 2019 : adam
6 August 2019 : thank you for this
6 August 2019 : lmao
6 August 2019 : i hope they get their donate link running soon
6 August 2019 : i stand with @RoseCityAntifa . neonazis are planning to descend on pdx and incite violence on their city and community. this is civil war #NoPasarán
6 August 2019 : thank you 🙏
6 August 2019 : i’m so glad these folks are ruining that tired hairstyle
6 August 2019 : @eating_pogs https://t.co/YEGRibZiQm
6 August 2019 : wow nice
6 August 2019 : i bought one of those shirts the cool girls wear but instead of carrie fisher or whoever i got kathryn bigelow *specifically* because she directed point break, the only film that matters
6 August 2019 : looks like y’all just went ahead and took it upon yourselves to write shit 👍
6 August 2019 : i did too and now i’m like “cop”
6 August 2019 : imagine wanting to write for the new york times lmao
6 August 2019 : 40 feral hogs
6 August 2019 : tomato, tomato
6 August 2019 : hulu :)
6 August 2019 : your hair 😱😱😱😱
6 August 2019 : AND a christmas carol C-plot!
6 August 2019 : they invented an entire holiday AND a movie ABOUT that holiday **starring jim carrey and andi mcdowell** alongside a B-plot of a billionaire wanting liz to take his virginity. insane genius.
6 August 2019 : 30-50 feral porkers
6 August 2019 : can you believe the leap day episode happens right after the tuxedo begins?! what the fuck
6 August 2019 : lol
6 August 2019 : who specifically thought of “the rural juror” i want to marry them/give them my organs
6 August 2019 : the only thing as good as “the rural juror” is all of s6e8
6 August 2019 : but they precede poop! burps dont precede barf!
6 August 2019 : the batman/joker episode of 30 rock is season 6 episode 8
6 August 2019 : mmm sort of. i see it more like if you smell smoke, look for fire.
6 August 2019 : i wrote 10,000 words on shitting
6 August 2019 : those are all my tweets https://twitter.com/davidwhodat1/status/1158549786032631808
6 August 2019 : it comes out 8/13!!!
6 August 2019 : am reading @sadydoyle ’s bad mothers & dead blondes. she analyzed how the horror genre got popular w/women because women are often the most brutalized in them, it’s like getting a tutorial on potential dangerous encounters & what not to do
6 August 2019 : 30-50 feral hogs
6 August 2019 : i have a fresh tattoo on one arm and a fresh kitchen burn on the other and they hurt the same amount which is great because it means i can’t hyperfocus on either of them
6 August 2019 : today i saw a small dog laying on top of another small dog, just hanging out.
6 August 2019 : tragic pic.twitter.com/StUsys4i4e
6 August 2019 : hello sorry for my lateness, i fell asleep in the laundromat. anyway the opposite of shit is puke.
5 August 2019 : that’s definitely not what i’m referencing
5 August 2019 : that’s it that’s my last tweet about this i can’t top this one
5 August 2019 : you have 30-50 feral hogs on your face
5 August 2019 : all of us sitting in a corner rocking back and forth whispering “thirty to fifty feral hogs”
5 August 2019 : of not being able to let it die because once it does we’re back to reconciling with the terror
5 August 2019 : i got my 30 to 50 feral hogs in the back
5 August 2019 : no no thank u
5 August 2019 : turns out back to back mass shootings have an effect on the country’s psyche
5 August 2019 : you, basic: a single pig me, genius: 30-50 feral hogs
5 August 2019 : everyone having a meltdown over this only makes me want to post it more please stop unfollowing me my parents don’t love me i need this
5 August 2019 : ask your doctor if 30-50 feral hogs is right for you
5 August 2019 : feel like the tweet is pretty self explanatory, chris!
5 August 2019 : “there’s no such thing as a perfect twe-“ https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1158520670902464512
5 August 2019 : 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs 30-50 feral hogs
5 August 2019 : antifa está contigo. siempre contigo. en solidaridad, para paz y igualdad para todos ✊🏴
5 August 2019 : solidaridad con la comunidad latina en el paso. ¡no pasarán!
5 August 2019 : wow big red flag handle
5 August 2019 : wait what was the acct
5 August 2019 : @SamGrittner new alt?
5 August 2019 : am a grownup pic.twitter.com/a4HRj8yLsE
5 August 2019 : hahahahaha
5 August 2019 : ride the wave of absurd fun
5 August 2019 : don’t shoot the messenger pic.twitter.com/xahZBLPIyq
5 August 2019 : i thought it was a podcast
5 August 2019 : ill take em
5 August 2019 : shoutout to the curmudgeons posting screenshots of them muting the phrase “30-50 feral hogs”
5 August 2019 : everyone tell sam he’s my boyfriend now
5 August 2019 : i dunno honestly i’m just enjoying the phrase
5 August 2019 : i’m not digging the suggestion that you’re rejecting my hand in relationship
5 August 2019 : iconic tl sync pic.twitter.com/brufJYT5RN
5 August 2019 : internet law says you’re my boyfriend pic.twitter.com/ns3Z1zM6G5
5 August 2019 : my boyfriend, who is 30-50 feral hogs,
5 August 2019 : @IwriteOK u in this
5 August 2019 : a love supreme (a love supreme) pic.twitter.com/zcxHkdpoYl
5 August 2019 : buddy i don’t even know what it IS
5 August 2019 : get you a man who’s kathryn bigelow directing surfer cop drama POINT BREAK
5 August 2019 : legendary
5 August 2019 : you ever just get struck with awe that kathryn bigelow directed point break
5 August 2019 : 😩😩😩😩
5 August 2019 : 30-50 feral hogs did surgery on a grape
5 August 2019 : and then cancelled it
5 August 2019 : maybe they will bring back the oa if we just do the moves
5 August 2019 : eat at arby's
5 August 2019 : wtfffff
5 August 2019 : it only took four years and countless deaths for donald trump's blatant white supremacy to become obvious to everyone who refused to listen to the activists who've been yelling about this since day one. but sure, we'll definitely fight global warming before it's too late.
5 August 2019 : are the feral hogs white supremacist terrorists who love their king pig donald trump? don't tell me.
5 August 2019 : everyone is talking about feral hogs and adderall is trending. i feel like this gif pic.twitter.com/Zu3iucCW73
5 August 2019 : legit struggling to bridge the gap between the sweaty fast lotta standing work and the casual slow sitting work and i honestly think i might need one of those treadmill desks just to make my brain function
5 August 2019 : im hot kitchen hydrating in a cold office and i cannot stop peeing
5 August 2019 : hate when that happens!
5 August 2019 : hoo papa
5 August 2019 : im horny now
5 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/QosC70Qxlw
5 August 2019 : deal with it 😎 pic.twitter.com/4FjWBJcZQI
5 August 2019 : u beat me by 3 seconds
5 August 2019 : the cactus can’t see
5 August 2019 : felt queasy reading that whole thing
5 August 2019 : put sunglasses on a cactus pic.twitter.com/VOfpjy8DFi
5 August 2019 : fuck
5 August 2019 : i’m having such a good hair day #nightshowers pic.twitter.com/Xx34dERLqR
5 August 2019 : lmao luckily at all the places i’ve worked there’s always music or dish sounds going
5 August 2019 : i have hit a wall in copywriting today with three hours left. debating on how to covertly put my head down until my brain turns back on. i wonder if i can make that count as my lunch break. pic.twitter.com/a8mNrZxynC
5 August 2019 : at my line cook job everyone just farts on the line all the time and no one notices or says anything. when i worked at my smoothie job we’d have to warn each other because the smoothies gave us really dank farts.
5 August 2019 : they always are
5 August 2019 : one of my jobs is in an office and it honestly feels so bougie. i have to get up and go into the bathroom to fart??
5 August 2019 : absolutely dying for this chunk sitting intently at the office door waiting for their owner to come back from lunch pic.twitter.com/CnNNsyCLRo
5 August 2019 : fuck it's the seahawks oh my god that's even worse goddamn it
5 August 2019 : oh my god they tried making the eagle out of sour cream and the eye is guac this is the whitest shit i've ever seen pic.twitter.com/IVN1nUYldb
5 August 2019 : what the fuck is this pic.twitter.com/QqYiA7Wnc3
5 August 2019 : made the mistake of using an analogy
5 August 2019 : except for the ones i write
5 August 2019 : lol what a chump
5 August 2019 : the NYT excels at publishing opeds where every sentence is a paragraph so you have to crack your brain open like an egg to get to the actual garbage argument being made under the palatable guise of convolution
5 August 2019 : seems like a weird & bad pick!
5 August 2019 : the comments on this seem to be pointing to something else beyond the very weird structure, which is the only thing i can focus on
5 August 2019 : are they arguing that the real concern here is tourists don’t bring their semiautomatic weapons with them when they travel???? https://twitter.com/paulwitcover/status/1158338331392057344
5 August 2019 : the new dora the explorer movie looks badass
5 August 2019 : can’t wait for nancy pelosi to echo trump’s condemnation of the white supremacist terrorism that has happened because of his words and actions while insisting on bipartisan “efforts” to do ??? for “our country” and for liberals to express satisfaction at the emptiness of it all.
5 August 2019 : fuck
5 August 2019 : hate my perfect timing
5 August 2019 : it’s back to school season! make sure your kids are ready for the school year by getting freshly stocked on binders, notebooks, a kevlar vest for the inevitable shooting they’ll experience because our government loves profits over people, and plenty of cute gel pens!
4 August 2019 : seems she’s playing dead
4 August 2019 : thoughts & prayers lol https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1158106381372801030
4 August 2019 : 100%
4 August 2019 : https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Front
4 August 2019 : a free template for politicians with the power to end gun violence who want to pretend to be sad: My family and I are [saddened/heartbroken] by the shooting in [CITY, STATE] [today/last night/this morning/afternoon]. Our hearts go out to the [victims/families/first responders].
4 August 2019 : of course i took this while taking a shit pic.twitter.com/iaRjHM5J0f
4 August 2019 : or..... COMMUNISM 😱😱😱😱😱😱
4 August 2019 : that seems EXCESSIVE. at that point just stay home!
4 August 2019 : iconic
4 August 2019 : hahahaha look at all these straight republicans freakin tf out
4 August 2019 : mayhaps i shall bring my own!
4 August 2019 : LMAO what do you even search to find that gif holy SHIT
4 August 2019 : the two dudes literally had a planning chat with the transamerica pyramid thrusting itself very cisheterosexually between them. the snatching happens via a flower, a la flower children. I AM MAKIN THIS MOVIE A QUEER COMEDY.
4 August 2019 : and these cishet squares are FREAKIN OUT
4 August 2019 : also rude of you to assume i am not ALWAYS thinking about cum !!!
4 August 2019 : IDEAL
4 August 2019 : i am chilly!!!
4 August 2019 : have decided that the body snatchers are an allegory for the rise of the queer hippie scene that transformed san francisco in the 60s
4 August 2019 : *ALL* C A B. https://twitter.com/juliaioffe/status/1157687831852179457
4 August 2019 : movie theaters: let folks rent comfy blankies
4 August 2019 : fuckin loser
4 August 2019 : spoiler alert: it seems some of the bodies have been snatched, imo
4 August 2019 : nahhhhhhh
4 August 2019 : *coughs loudly* bathrobe & knife sharpener https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1WLTIGJZ668CM?ref_=wl_share
4 August 2019 : how brooke adams do that thing with her eyes how do i learn how to do that i wanna do that
4 August 2019 : am watching invasion of the body snatchers for the first time. something seems to be wrong with jeffrey.
4 August 2019 : damn i gotta watch THE BOYS on amazon prime https://twitter.com/ashleyfeinberg/status/1157846994980937728
4 August 2019 : resign bitch
4 August 2019 : donald trump is a white supremacist deliberately empowering fascist hysteria in pursuit of turning the united states into a white ethnostate.
4 August 2019 : good luck on her congressional campaign lmao https://twitter.com/iamthewarax/status/997601361675120640
4 August 2019 : i can walk ten miles in the blazing heat if it means i’ll get a nice sandal tan but as soon as the sun sets the idea of walking more than a block is impossible. “for what?” i ask myself. “what’s the point.” all choices center on building up the tan line on my feet.
4 August 2019 : fuck you pic.twitter.com/qCS8Q08e4m
4 August 2019 : it’s 9:30 somewhere
4 August 2019 : antifascism is the only antibiotic that can effectively eliminate the sickness plaguing us. all other treatments are bandaids.
4 August 2019 : next level
4 August 2019 : lemme gag on it hunny
4 August 2019 : it’s google’s way of saying “fuck you, walk half a block before approaching the wrong street, then another half block before approaching another wrong street, and in general fuck you.”
4 August 2019 : they started playing cee-lo as soon as i was done and i was like CAN I PLAY?????? and they said no
4 August 2019 : google maps location arrow never facing in the direction i’m walking in is so fucking irritating!!!!!!!!
4 August 2019 : omg
4 August 2019 : this dude is majorly hot ugh
4 August 2019 : i didn’t pick any of those options i’ve known for awhile what i wanted lol
4 August 2019 : none 😎
4 August 2019 : the secret is thinking about & deciding on the tattoo over the course of six months and just waiting for the moment to pull the trigger
4 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/B4MxxBV2N9
3 August 2019 : woah
3 August 2019 : you’re welcome for me putting this in your TL
3 August 2019 : my ancestors are ashkenazi what are you implying
3 August 2019 : delicious
3 August 2019 : I fully support Laura Loomer finding a new way to hilariously humiliate herself in a brutally transparent effort to cash in on fascism
3 August 2019 : neolib!
3 August 2019 : the jello mould is calling
3 August 2019 : laura loomer was literally like “what can get me back on my precious twitter so dumb fuckboys will give me money to fix my nose job”
3 August 2019 : hahahahahahahahahahahahaha https://twitter.com/drpaulgosar/status/1157778910957821952
3 August 2019 : should i get one of these? pic.twitter.com/Cbk1ORUVkR
3 August 2019 : jk i am getting a tattoo!!!! #creditcard
3 August 2019 : no useful input has led me to decide i shall find food to eat/sober up and then begrudgingly head home
3 August 2019 : i’m done hanging with @juskewitch and @erikk38 and they’re so wonderful i wanna cry. also i’m drunk in brooklyn what should i do!!!!!!!!
3 August 2019 : he does have that voidness to him pic.twitter.com/0n97jrGWgY
3 August 2019 : i don’t know who they are but it’s beautiful to watch regardless!
3 August 2019 : HK protesters are revolutionizing revolt. i am in awe.
3 August 2019 : can someone who lives in the south bay go to eat at joes for me and buy a new shirt because i got oil stains on this one. grab a large. pic.twitter.com/orvu08jiFK
3 August 2019 : started the day hanging out with @mdeancomics and my best friend, jackson the dog, then i took a huge shit, and later i’m hanging out with @juskewitch and @erikk38 . today is going to be *excellent.* #nightshowers
3 August 2019 : real bro vibes!!!
3 August 2019 : fun d?
3 August 2019 : he sit pic.twitter.com/w5mmqcohcf
3 August 2019 : it my best friend https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/977973003286994952?s=21
3 August 2019 : @mdeancomics ^^
3 August 2019 : am hanging out with my best friend, jackson the dog (pictured below). this is his tweet: jeff. btjx gcy nyc msg. my g. m. fun d? pic.twitter.com/wSPU2duGI0
3 August 2019 : pay your workers a living wage @JeffBezos bitch https://twitter.com/yashar/status/1157648305935007744
3 August 2019 : oy vey
3 August 2019 : u old!
3 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/wEtCdR2wlo
3 August 2019 : hmmmm
3 August 2019 : swelling common in summer or with lots of standing! suggest elevating during sleep by putting pillow under knees & ankles (ankles only will strain knees).
3 August 2019 : a screenshot is just as effective
3 August 2019 : no dudas brah https://twitter.com/gryzor/status/1157580001081995264
3 August 2019 : i am extremely haunted but the ghost is myself and there’s no exorcism available to free me
3 August 2019 : congrats to me on finding a new repetitive thought to haunt me: singing “night shower” to the tune of “night moves.” this joins thinking “SHUGAR” in vincent d’onofrio voice whenever i add sugar to my coffee and hearing the law & order theme song when i look at my meds.
3 August 2019 : congrats and i’m sorry to @harlot_lilli who is now my girlfriend, out of spite for our shared loss
3 August 2019 : RIGGED https://twitter.com/radtoria/status/1157489883176247296
3 August 2019 : i’m wondering about post-gym showers. transitioning from 3 jobs to 2, one in walking distance to a gym, i figured i’d work out after work. but do i shower before i work out to get post-work grossness off? or shower after both? there? or at home? so many questions!!
3 August 2019 : if sertraline has anything to do with this i will never stop singing its praises/cursing its effectiveness
3 August 2019 : i have always done morning showers because 1. anxiety/depression made it the ‘get going’ move to start my day 2. i am typically extremely exhausted after work (esp when i worked 2 jobs back to back) showered last night, this am to ‘freshen up’, & again tonight. wow!!
3 August 2019 : i took a shower, moisturized, took my meds, then flossed. i am now going to attempt to drink a quart of water while watching tv so the pizza i are after work gets a chance to settle. i also discovered tonight that i know, for sure, what kind of pizza is my favorite. lotta growin!
3 August 2019 : but then i noticed my phone was at like 2% and i was like “if i shower i can burn time waiting for it to charge” and here we are
3 August 2019 : it works at work where folks are leaning while standing and ‘leaning’ in that sense typically means ‘being on your phone when there’s obviously sweeping to be done’. but yeah i walked into my room tonight, yawned, and was like ‘no night shower. straight to sleep.’
3 August 2019 : i’m really sliding nicely toward my 30s https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1141440741090168833?s=21
3 August 2019 : i just took another night shower. i am scared of who i’m becoming (an adult who is clean)
2 August 2019 : 😩 my coworkers who are off are trying to get me to take shots when i leave the booth to get stuff
2 August 2019 : this has not impeded my ability to do my job flawlessly, because i could make this stuff in my sleep, but i do love feeling 2% emboldened by “what are they gunna do? fire me? lol”
2 August 2019 : they will come to realize its beauty when it’s too late
2 August 2019 : i love this
2 August 2019 : well my lunch break just ended so good luck
2 August 2019 : got a second one for free uh oh
2 August 2019 : was given a free margarita on my lunch break on account of it’s my last day 🥰
2 August 2019 : lol
2 August 2019 : what is this
2 August 2019 : this is not my only spanish joke but it sure got the biggest laugh from my friend, whose name i don’t know but who i will miss dearly
2 August 2019 : every day for a few months, i see this same maintenance worker at my job and we greet each other thusly: - hola, como estas! - bien, y tu? - bien! [simultaneously] que coincidencia! today the convo was: me: como estas? her: bien, y tu? me: MUY bien. ¡no es una coincidencia!
2 August 2019 : possibly my longest running bit that just had its payoff. sweet nectar.
2 August 2019 : it’s a tv show :(
2 August 2019 : wow rebecca, hoisted by your own petard.
2 August 2019 : exactly! why risk your reputation just to rub your hands mischievously and yell “aHA!” to no one??
2 August 2019 : yes yes my app comment was a joke!
2 August 2019 : hahahaha
2 August 2019 : yes but i only use my computer when i’m working, which is not often
2 August 2019 : incredible. what app is this. https://twitter.com/rebeccawatson/status/1157350044036550656
2 August 2019 : holy cow
2 August 2019 : hahahaha yessss
2 August 2019 : the app that lets me add text won’t let me make a new pic without signing up with my email so now it’s off to find a new new app
2 August 2019 : thank u for ur service 🙏🙏🙏
2 August 2019 : the juxtaposer app (which i don’t think is on the app store anymore) is a marvel in letting you put something on top of something else
2 August 2019 : i’m strongly inclined to agree!
2 August 2019 : have fun pic.twitter.com/DHK7eMsf87
2 August 2019 : here is the screenshot i uploaded to ig stories to erase the text before downloading it and uploading it into a different app to add other text pic.twitter.com/Toe0Tr2H1o
2 August 2019 : you shan’t ever make me good at photoshop. i exclusively operate on a spread of free apps that are only on my phone because i downloaded them in 2014 and just keep migrating them to new devices but that don’t exist in the app store anymore
2 August 2019 : tragic pic.twitter.com/MYi4WTD2hg
2 August 2019 : hahahahaha
2 August 2019 : update: you can send a link to your wishlist to let someone else add/remove stuff from it! pic.twitter.com/RmXjB2yEQT
2 August 2019 : one down, three to go!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/FXjsaR2KXO
2 August 2019 : i need to tell you from experience that you need to block this guy’s number and drop him ice cold
2 August 2019 : RUN
2 August 2019 : can i just like give you my amazon login and you create a wishlist of stuff you think will make my life better
2 August 2019 : fuck
2 August 2019 : i go into any piece expecting 50% of the flair/jokes/voice to get axed, then after edits i tweak the remainder so they fit cohesively into the overall voice rather than stand out as weird shifts. if something is cut that i feel is essential, i say so. this is not difficult to do.
2 August 2019 : i have had plenty of darlings cut, some of which i insisted on re-inserting. but that came by telling the editor directly, not playing fuckin games. the first darling i ever saved was “, because I was 11 and I did not know how to be sassy.”
2 August 2019 : the way you should write your pieces is by making all of it important to the thesis. that way the stuff that gets cut is just where your writing weakened with repetition and you can focus on being a better writer instead of protecting your ego.
2 August 2019 : people who do this are assholes
2 August 2019 : that’s a different animal. what the editor is pointing to is a writer assuming their editor is being lazy, not standards analyzing every aspect to see if it’s too risky.
2 August 2019 : the only time i’ve done something like this was when my 10th grade bio teacher made us write notes on chapters as homework prior to a test, which had no bearing on my grade or testing outcomes
2 August 2019 : that’s a reasonable practice. slipping nonsense into an article just to test if your editor is paying attention is some patently rude, hostile shit
2 August 2019 : the only time i’ve done something close to this was in 10th grade when my biology teacher made us write and submit notes prior to tests. i wrote notes on the first and last page, and then a little diary entry on the 2nd page.
2 August 2019 : i’ve had the benefit of working with extremely good editors throughout my writing life. only twice have i had pieces go live that had little to no editor input, and both of which are pieces i still stand by. the only flaw is 1 where the ed changed the hed & undermined the thesis.
2 August 2019 : sounds like some ‘dude who doesn’t trust women to be in charge’ shit. didn’t even occur to me to do something like this. i know which darlings will likely be killed, but i’d never inject nonsense just to ‘catch’ an editor skimming. https://twitter.com/guardianjessica/status/1157281177256022016
2 August 2019 : hahahahahahaha
2 August 2019 : i am sorry to say that i gave up on 4 weddings & a funeral
2 August 2019 : @deathcab4booty important alert 4 u
2 August 2019 : i love the gals walking around in 90 degree temps clutching a psl for dear life in early sept
2 August 2019 : i grow stronger by the day https://twitter.com/kate_h_taylor/status/1157320738006863872
2 August 2019 : heeeelllllllll yeeeeeah
2 August 2019 : RT @RoKhanna: 🦷 2X as many children lack dental coverage than regular coverage 🦷 800,000 ER visits per year are from dental issues 🦷 More…
2 August 2019 : i bleed too big to sleep in thinx! they are good day 3-5 buddies, not day 1-2
2 August 2019 : yaaaas kweeeeeens!!!!!!
2 August 2019 : to be clear: these characters are all EXTREMELY straight. the cliches winked at are things that happen in a romcom, but there’s no twist or newness. it’s just “they did that in love actually. oh that’s from love actually too. oh so is that. oh that’s just bad writing.”
2 August 2019 : lol feels weird man! it’s fancy AND useful!
2 August 2019 : a diva cup is not functionally different from a colostomy bag, yet no one “yaas kween”s the latter.
2 August 2019 : the person who dies? insigificant, with a death that creates an obvious storyline from it. i am so deeply hopeful i am proven wrong i’m willing to forgo sleep in pursuit of it.
2 August 2019 : they had a pristine opportunity to flip the romcom structure on its head and create an incisive dramedy but instead they just wink at the cliches and then unironically embrace them.
2 August 2019 : i’m going to binge watch a show i was bored of halfway through the first episode just trying to find a major character embracing their queerness. why do they all have to be straight.
2 August 2019 : am watching 4 weddings & a funeral waiting for ANY of the storylines to go queer. am on episode 4. they’re all still straight. really creating a lot more build-up than the plot itself has managed to do.
2 August 2019 : does AWP stand for Annoying White People because based on the tweets i’m seeing about it i think it must
2 August 2019 : lol i would honestly love that. i’m off saturday but have to go out so i’ll be showering every day until next sunday. add 8/11 tell me to shower to your calendar!
2 August 2019 : the moisturizing def slipped my brain into a VERY different mode.
2 August 2019 : @ me next time https://twitter.com/evanjkessler/status/1157188597167951872
2 August 2019 : did you change your sheets and do an extensive moisturizing regimen?
2 August 2019 : every time! on a day off it’s the hardest thing in the world but once i get tired of being able to smell my armpits & hop in i’m like “what was i waiting for?? i love this!”
2 August 2019 : love that we’re both having seismic night shower experiences tonight!!
2 August 2019 : IM SAYIN!!!!
2 August 2019 : but once you get past that (with TREMENDOUS effort) suddenly things function way more smoothly and the work is distributed fairly! what a concept!
2 August 2019 : it doesn’t matter how good you are, how much you know, how long you’ve been there. all that’s seen is a woman ~being a yelly bitch~
2 August 2019 : being femme in a kitchen intensely reveals how deeply embedded social conditioning to gender is, and how much work is involved in putting just the smallest fissure in it to make things functional. it’s truly insane.
2 August 2019 : but once it cracks things improve so dramatically and become so joyful it honestly chokes me up when i say something i’ve said every single shift (“low on seitan”) and the response is an affirmative “heard you” or “on it” instead of ignoring it out of spite
2 August 2019 : honestly i feel so normal & not gunky that it feels disorienting lol
2 August 2019 : the chip is because i was trained as a supervisor & have kitchen experience so my general & specific knowledge and mode of operating is a blend of efficiency & attention to detail, which can be intimidating to men who aren’t used to women being like that.
2 August 2019 : just need to create 600 alts
2 August 2019 : it’s an anxiety thing. if i try to sleep w/something like that my thoughts are all centered on TSS
2 August 2019 : yeah i’m not winning this lol
2 August 2019 : i prefer free bleeding when i sleep vs having something inside me absorbing/collecting for 6-8 hours
2 August 2019 : it’s so cute how my coworker who had a chip on his shoulder about me suddenly became really appreciative and supportive when i put in my two weeks, like he suddenly realized what he’ll be losing. tonight he told me he’d miss my work ethic. i’m glad we finally got there.
2 August 2019 : i suppose a trash can specifically for gloves & similar flexible plastics would be good. could be recycled.
2 August 2019 : truly. my coworker wears gloves when she’s on the register because she hates the grossness or handling cash + doesn’t wanna dry her hands out washing them constantly
2 August 2019 : for those who menstruate and take night showers please elaborate on the obvious questions i have
2 August 2019 : idk my hands sweat a LOT and i double glove because it’s faster having vinyl on & being able to slip latex on over it instead of struggling to overcome the sweat to change my gloves as frequently as needed. i’m positive they’d deteriorate way too quickly.
2 August 2019 : i’m not a draft-keeping type. all my other drafts are replies i sent to tweets that got deleted before i got to reply. i wonder why i couldn’t work up the nerve to send this one. pic.twitter.com/oAteiDn551
2 August 2019 : that’s another question i have is do i go to the gym before work, shower, work, shower again? or do i work, go to the gym, go home next level disgusting, and then shower??
2 August 2019 : i’m positive all the gloves we go through can’t be good for the environment!
2 August 2019 : i changed the sheets, took a shower, and then when i came back into my bedroom there were paw prints of litter dust on the corner of the bed 😫
2 August 2019 : i know i must have written this recently but have no memory of it or the dream itself pic.twitter.com/0ZDuuCqVTf
2 August 2019 : well, cats,,,,
2 August 2019 : i legit changed my sheets & pillowcases in anticipation of this night shower explicitly for this reason
2 August 2019 : maybe that’s what’s kept me from double showering! it’s hard to justify using that much water cuz i was raised in ca lol
2 August 2019 : i use morning showers to propel me into a getting ready habit. i very intensely need consistency. maybe i’ll become one of those monsters who takes multiple showers.
2 August 2019 : the same happens at my joint but it’s bbq sauce & chipotle mayo so i kinda like it lol but my neck has been breaking out from sweat & dirt settling in over night!
2 August 2019 : it’s become evident that a very involved skincare/moisturizing routine is only really feasible if done post-night shower. excited to become super fancy under the weird guise of ‘only low wage grunt workers take night showers!’
2 August 2019 : i also need them to shake me into being awake but maybe i will use that time to do some stretches or something lol
2 August 2019 : it’ll likely have to become a habit for the season. the face wipes i’ve been using to feel not disgusting immediately after work are not sufficient when i also need to wash off my legs which are slick with sweat and covered in food splatter & bleach
2 August 2019 : i took a night shower to test the bizarre insistence that “REAL workers shower AFTER work” and the only thing i could think was how fancy i felt taking my time, moisturizing my feet. feels like an upgrade.
2 August 2019 : rest in power Chantel Grant & Andrea Stoudemire ✊
2 August 2019 : omg that’s not a cat that’s a super plush pillow
2 August 2019 : why is this one got such a mean stare omg pic.twitter.com/pizd0D8wP5
2 August 2019 : no
2 August 2019 : someone pls teach me how to artfully photograph books i’m hella stoked about!!!!!
2 August 2019 : a shocker i know lol
2 August 2019 : omgomgomgomgomg it’s here!!!! @sadydoyle ’s dead blondes & bad mothers is ALIVE and HERE!!!! pic.twitter.com/AaKnF5QxFl
2 August 2019 : “these are their suppositories”
2 August 2019 : every time i go to take my meds i hear the law & order theme song pic.twitter.com/FhlO4sjPxi
2 August 2019 : how come medicine bottles have the law & order font
2 August 2019 : same energy pic.twitter.com/mlfHCZ6JLh
2 August 2019 : i’ve been doing this for a few months now! mostly learning as i go. i created my first content calendar today!
2 August 2019 : i am working for a tiny marketing company doing copy for their main client & one time copy for some billboards
2 August 2019 : huh?
2 August 2019 : in fact i’ve used it with non-spanish speakers and it rolls so much better they don’t even notice i said it
2 August 2019 : deal
2 August 2019 : “explicame how” just rolls so much better than “explain to me how”
2 August 2019 : :(
2 August 2019 : vote for me
2 August 2019 : ill be trounced by matty in short order
2 August 2019 : i will always make you look better in photos and i love cooking and am good w/kids and i really need this
2 August 2019 : fuck https://twitter.com/radtoria/status/1157090987472089089
2 August 2019 : not only did it immediately blister, but the blister also immediately popped. iconic.
2 August 2019 : my coworker accidentally bumped my elbow with a hot pan for less than half a second and gave me this beautiful farewell gift on this, my second-to-last shift. pic.twitter.com/mJ06KEM1By
1 August 2019 : oh this whole piece by @rokwon so precisely and beautifully captured my entire heart. we’re here. we exist. “What extravagant luck. What a joy to get to try and pass along some of that luck.” 💗💜💙 https://www.oprahmag.com/entertainment/books/a28510255/ro-kwon-incendiaries-bisexual-twitter/
1 August 2019 : wow!!!!! confrats!!!!!!
1 August 2019 : lmao
1 August 2019 : i love to argue online with a 15-year old who’s been dead for 74 years
1 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/lfkYqZlhYN
1 August 2019 : shoutout to this guy disagreeing with a thread of the last thing anne frank ever wrote before she & her family were captured and killed, posted on its anniversary pic.twitter.com/fuvmmUGifG
1 August 2019 : honestly i don’t think i could even if i tried
1 August 2019 : i feel like every time i see one of your tweets my response to it is always “Allen.”
1 August 2019 : [remembers my boss follows me on here] just kidding i’m good at this and everything is fine
1 August 2019 : lol i googled content calendars and just sorta picked and chose different things to put in a google spreadsheet
1 August 2019 : can someone who works in content management send me a screenshot of their content calendar so i can figure out how to do my job
1 August 2019 : #vivanib ! https://twitter.com/mattbors/status/1156642628152094721
1 August 2019 : this is so cute. i work in an office as a copywriter (on days im not working as a line cook) & there’s a restaurant half a block away staffed by people who work at the food booth next to mine. im in a totally different world (im wearing a BLOUSE) yet still near my friends!
1 August 2019 : must be nice!
1 August 2019 : wiggity wack
1 August 2019 : ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
1 August 2019 : is it mani pedis w/your gal tal
1 August 2019 : pic.twitter.com/DC3jpj0jFH
1 August 2019 : @emilywithcurls have you done “just give me something to schermerhorn”
1 August 2019 : this particular one got off at my stop and waved goodbye to the train
1 August 2019 : love a little kid who’s hyped as hell to be on the train, dutifully yelling out each stop name and counting down how many until it’s theirs
1 August 2019 : yikes
1 August 2019 : v glad to have worked 2 jobs testy on 3 hrs sleep and heading into another day of 2 jobs my brain fully refuses to let me rest, for there are unpaid invoices to be had.
1 August 2019 : o yes i certainly did, retweeted & threaded over it
1 August 2019 : i promise not to tweet about him, ever.
1 August 2019 : at least my line cook job pays weekly! and when THEY mess up it only throws things off for a few days, not THREE MONTHS
1 August 2019 : i found out osama bin laden was killed from a twitter joke ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
1 August 2019 : editors are great, vital, angels to be cherished. it’s accounts payable that’s fucking everything up.
1 August 2019 : i am afraid to do that!
1 August 2019 : yes please
1 August 2019 : i still have to pay folks back for loaning me money to cover last month’s rent as a result of none of these invoices getting paid, too! woo!!!
1 August 2019 : oh absolutely
1 August 2019 : maybe going forward i will have some sort of enormous leverage that allows me to say something like “i don’t promote or share work i’ve done until i’m paid for it” and such a statement makes accounts payable immediately pay me!!!!
1 August 2019 : i was able to pay my rent via the clever trick “using my credit card for absolutely everything except bills” and i’m just hoping it doesn’t max out before i’m paid for work i did three months ago & have been routinely inquiring about ever since!!!
1 August 2019 : one of the invoice ‘due dates’ is aug 1 so finger’s crossed! another place said it takes 2-4 weeks to get paid (after i resubmitted a w9 & relevant bank info a whole month after the last time i did that!) and another place simply confirmed that they submitted my invoices. woo!!!
1 August 2019 : happy august 1st!!! i have still not been paid for work i did in may or june, totalling $2,025!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/CDXQX4ZSsv
1 August 2019 : used an electric foot buffer on an ingrown hair on the back of my thigh and am ready to claim my millions
1 August 2019 : is this your alt
1 August 2019 : tulsi gabbard ordered food for her team at my work once. she ordered for herself a tulsi tea. i called her name while holding the tea and was legitimately concerned my coworkers would think i was just saying what i was holding.
1 August 2019 : suspect 2.1 skewed young & 2.2 incredibly old but would love to analyze the data to suss out any potential trends or indicators
1 August 2019 : off the top of your head who is a person you follow who fits that criteria and has the smallest following out of everyone you follow? i want to follow them.
1 August 2019 : gotta refer to these bad boys like iphone software updates
1 August 2019 : “smaller accounts” pic.twitter.com/ve0Xo8cteu
1 August 2019 : computer show me ratings broken down by age demographics of debate 2.1 and debate 2.2
1 August 2019 : better yet: donate to the invention of an app/device that tells you exactly when your period will go from ‘days of cramps’ to ‘actual blood’
1 August 2019 : have chosen to believe this means osama bin laden’s son was tony winning 91-year old broadway director and producer hal prince, known for “west side story,” “cabaret,” and being osama bin laden’s impossibly old son. pic.twitter.com/m0wnvVeDLr
1 August 2019 : 🥳🥳🥳
1 August 2019 : the gifts were for him publishing such a brave piece
1 August 2019 : approaching the escalator to the office after my shift, a pair of dudes fresh out of a concert stood directly before it, almost as if they were trying to figure out what it was. i yelled EXCUSE ME and didn’t slow my pace waiting for them to realize they should move. it worked.
1 August 2019 : adorable
1 August 2019 : got my period at the front-end of 2-hour rush with a line cook who is still learning to tell the difference between kale and arugula. it felt like a challenge. and my stubborn determination won. the loser was my underwear.
1 August 2019 : i have standards. this doesn’t meet the minimum criteria to justify acknowledging - let alone slam dunking on it
31 July 2019 : the problem with making friends with everyone who works at every booth & all the bartenders & servers & the bussers & the dishwashers here is i have to tell all of them it’s my last week so they don’t get sad when their chunky short friend suddenly disappears
31 July 2019 : wow you just described a majority of cishet men
31 July 2019 : a reminder https://www.adoptapet.com/pet/25958101-wethersfield-connecticut-pug-mix https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1156317172458807303?s=21
31 July 2019 : truly a sight to behold the men who got spanked so hard in the debate last night that they’ve taken to twitter to tremble their lower lip and threaten to tattle on us all day today
31 July 2019 : just wear chucks sis
31 July 2019 : some mickey mouse lookin ass shoes
31 July 2019 : they are ineffective orthopedic aides that you constantly trip on in an effort to make your legs appear longer/thinner by making your feet look enormous
31 July 2019 : ‘look at how we subvert your expectations by taking these stereotypes - which we’ve had a hand in crafting and exacerbating! - and then flip them on their head!’
31 July 2019 : “you don’t have to yell” is the campaign slogan for children of divorce
31 July 2019 : truly
31 July 2019 : the fila chunky shoes are not cute or fashionable and i curse every woman who should know better who wears them. shame on you.
31 July 2019 : it was cute cuz both our faces were like ‘do i recognize this person’ ‘why do i recognize this person’ ‘what the hell is happening’
31 July 2019 : omg! write it!!
31 July 2019 : i agree. a perfectly harmless passion.
31 July 2019 : while leaving job 1 i bumped into a guy who works next to my job at job 2 & he was like ‘what are you doing here?!’ and i said leaving work to head to the work where we know each other from & i asked him what he’s doing & he said the same thing & then we said ‘see you in an hour’
31 July 2019 : you gotta if you wanna grift
31 July 2019 : @MattNegrin zero everyone out
31 July 2019 : unfollow john delaney and matt https://twitter.com/mattnegrin/status/1156626735426879489
31 July 2019 : they’re yoni eggs but laser etched with your face on them
31 July 2019 : let it be known that i do not like feet, don’t see the appeal, and actively hate when anyone happens to touch my bare foot on accident or by playing ‘footsie’ unless it is my cat stretching out his paw to ensure constant contact with me during sleep. but i am PRO foot fetish.
31 July 2019 : for your bravery i will send you the feet pics i charged a republican to see, for free, if you’d like
31 July 2019 : don’t judge a foot fetishist until you’ve walked a miles in their klee https://twitter.com/milesklee/status/1156621145916887040
31 July 2019 : https://lingojam.com/TinyTextGenerator
31 July 2019 : im a millennial, i know all
31 July 2019 : *whispers* ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵘᵖ https://twitter.com/timryan/status/1156610596579753984
31 July 2019 : how do i sign up for this https://twitter.com/rawstory/status/1156604255500980224
31 July 2019 : that's the worst. i drank 2 quarts and still ended up sitting there waiting, then once the external one was done and i got to go pee i still felt like i needed to pee from holding it so long.
31 July 2019 : i would NEVER
31 July 2019 : i'll admit that knowing all the intimidating power hipsters shit on the same schedule definitely scares me
31 July 2019 : 🥺☹️
31 July 2019 : what the fuck
31 July 2019 : have discovered what time in the day all the frail hip women at this wework need to drop stinky dumps (it’s right now)
31 July 2019 : tfw the klobuchar hits
31 July 2019 : i am smart and good at my copywriting job and yet pic.twitter.com/mC6BAjrorU
31 July 2019 : 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
31 July 2019 : oh no!!!
31 July 2019 : i just uninstalled & reinstalled the app and now THIS tweet is showing up blank too! https://twitter.com/dillspitzen/status/1156481287710003201
31 July 2019 : this is showing up blank too 😩 https://twitter.com/kristin_knits/status/1156478372022636549
31 July 2019 : your tweet’s blank too!!
31 July 2019 : gotta sip https://twitter.com/funkycheese8/status/1156477049940430848
31 July 2019 : i clean and clean and still you refuse to invite me to family holiday gatherings - or even tell me about them!
31 July 2019 : is that why you never talk to me
31 July 2019 : it’s just so immediately one of those photos that reminds me of looking at pictures of my dad before i was born and being like “wow that’s my dad!” as a kid
31 July 2019 : the 80s dad of my dreams
31 July 2019 : i simply will never get over your chest hair/chain/satin shirt combo and i can’t thank you enough for birthing it into existence
31 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/xxJ2brTG24
31 July 2019 : 💗
31 July 2019 : oh cool!!!
31 July 2019 : there must be something wrong with my app. i can’t see this one either!! https://twitter.com/andrewdbenge/status/1156472119305416704?s=21
31 July 2019 : this one too, i can’t see it https://twitter.com/gavlar/status/1156469643625684992?s=21
31 July 2019 : a fact i knew and forgot and don’t have the heart to process tonight
31 July 2019 : can anyone tell me what this tweet says? it’s not showing up for me https://twitter.com/gavlar/status/1156469437173645312
31 July 2019 : :( pic.twitter.com/le04r3sRcl
31 July 2019 : when craving soda but only have seltzer i have on occasion mashed watermelon slices in a cup and then added seltzer or poured juice and seltzer together, thus getting a yummy flavor & the bubbles i so desire.
31 July 2019 : cotton candy is made by heating sugar in a spinner until it forms web-like fluff. reducing it in water thus makes a sweet, lightly caramel syrup. add to 60% seltzer = fewer ingredients/chemicals with same soda-type flavor/sweetness.
31 July 2019 : please upload a bunch of photos of your arms & forearms when they get extraordinarily buff & veiny i need to fill this emotional gap
31 July 2019 : am afraid you’re the only good one left
31 July 2019 : add that water to seltzer & you’ve got organic cane sugar soda
31 July 2019 : yummy
31 July 2019 : my kidneys hurt reading this
31 July 2019 : goooood luck
31 July 2019 : stop telling me no it’s water & colored caramelized sugar!!!!! gotta taste!!!!!!!
31 July 2019 : there goes that boner
31 July 2019 : i only meant to google pictures of his forearms but ‘scientology’ popped up on the suggested search 😔
31 July 2019 : gotta taste it
31 July 2019 : TIL logan echolls is a scientologist 😔 https://web.archive.org/web/20180502042559/http://www.buddytv.com/articles/moonlight/scientology-saved-moonlight-st-17371.aspx pic.twitter.com/3iSFuuoppO
31 July 2019 : i want it
31 July 2019 : i wanna drink that water https://twitter.com/lowkeylang/status/1155302290749874177
31 July 2019 : it’s spelled “ledes” https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/1156393963580010501
31 July 2019 : cop
31 July 2019 : when she purses her lips
31 July 2019 : i snorted
31 July 2019 : @Rothful she also stayed in the room as i took my pants off/put them back on & i was extremely grateful i had worn a long shirt
31 July 2019 : told the technician my endometrial lining was gunna be thick & she was like “ok” & then when she was fucking my gut with a becondomed wand (so i don’t get pregnant with probe babies) she was like “oh damn” & i said “a lil to the left” transvaginal ultrasounds are traumatizing 😊
31 July 2019 : soil toiled! A+
31 July 2019 : alas all my bylines link to this one
31 July 2019 : i left immediately
31 July 2019 : like your twitter handle
31 July 2019 : i found out he had a kid when he got increasingly worried at his bricked phone because he hadn’t backed up any of his pics since the kid was born
31 July 2019 : although make sure to remember you have the data wipe enabled before flirtatiously letting someone try to guess your password because i accidentally wiped a guy’s phone that way
31 July 2019 : lol pic.twitter.com/WidDAhXdtk
31 July 2019 : you’d think there could only be one!
31 July 2019 : turn off face ID. enable data wipe after 10 failed attempts. make passcode something unrelated to any of your info (birthday, social, parents birthdays, atm pin, etc.) 🏴
31 July 2019 : we can try
31 July 2019 : they share custody. she gets us for half the week, he gets us for the other half. they co-president on weekends & holidays.
31 July 2019 : sanders & warren co-president 2020
31 July 2019 : @ihatethisok
31 July 2019 : cats trailer
31 July 2019 : please do not jeopardize this election by supporting her campaign. her core expertise is that of a televangelist promising to cure your cancer if you buy her a jet.
31 July 2019 : reminder that marianne williamson is good at saying the right things to get you on board with her toxic non-results motivational blabber because that is what she made her money doing. she is the tony robbins of yoni eggs.
31 July 2019 : HEYO
31 July 2019 : i’ve oddly only recently heard it and now it seems to be regaining traction
31 July 2019 : it’s a mid century term that oughta stay there
31 July 2019 : oh like you’ve never googled a celebrity to find out if they’re single because that’s the only thing between you having a shot with them or not
31 July 2019 : i shan’t be sharing who but they are married with kids so likely no chance of getting them to choke me to death 😔
31 July 2019 : googled a celebrity who i want to choke me to death to find out if they were single and discovered we share a birthday and it felt like i just accidentally hit on my cousin
31 July 2019 : hahahahahaha oh my god
31 July 2019 : 🤣🤣🤣
31 July 2019 : when that dude kept talking about “people who shower after they get off work” as a signifier for a romanticized version of the working class and it delegitimized your socioeconomic experiences because you’re working class but prefer to shower before work instead of after pic.twitter.com/1FHSf9ipzr
31 July 2019 : also i’m trying it out just to see if it’s a doable option! very low risk experiment
31 July 2019 : https://www.adoptapet.com/pet/25958101-wethersfield-connecticut-pug-mix
31 July 2019 : he’s up for adoption!!!!
31 July 2019 : editors get at me
31 July 2019 : worst case scenario is the lemon absorbs all of the water and the fridge then dries out the lemon, but that would take longer than the amount of time the lemon will be in the fridge before it’s completely used.
31 July 2019 : were the lemon placed in a bowl of water, submerged, and kept there for an extremely long time, that would happen. the small amount of liquid on the plate acts as an air seal where pressure & a perfectly flat surface would otherwise be involved.
31 July 2019 : it can join the rest of em
31 July 2019 : i’m big time irritated over this attempted rebranding of what constitutes “the american worker”
31 July 2019 : lol it’s not they’re just trying to brand it as one
31 July 2019 : maybe a lil eye water is all you need
31 July 2019 : erpunch pickles!
31 July 2019 : for most stuffs like avocados or citrus putting it on a flat surface cut-side down helps stave off drying/browning but usually plastic wrap is involved. maybe a lil water is all we need.
31 July 2019 : put the half a lemon on a plate w a lil water to save it from drying out in the fridge w/o having to use plastic wrap. interested to see if this will work! pic.twitter.com/aYcn6vSPVx
31 July 2019 : lol
31 July 2019 : when buttigieg said “the racial divide lives within me” pic.twitter.com/VtA1PJhv6d
31 July 2019 : i did say that money is up there with bowel movements as the two things that most affect our daily lives
31 July 2019 : you, basic: #demdebate me, a intellectual: damn debate
31 July 2019 : already submitted
31 July 2019 : the next time you're hiring, send me a heads up and i'll get you a hand-crafted, one-of-a-kind cover letter that starts with a joke and ends with a bang.
31 July 2019 : it's like unintentional dom flexing
31 July 2019 : hahahaahah D:
31 July 2019 : absolutely do it. no shame in gettin that bread.
31 July 2019 : i was seriously tempted to make the "bang" end up on the second page by itself but i couldn't bring myself to do it
31 July 2019 : i don't know if it hurts or helps my prospects that i ended my cover letter with And now to end this with a bang: Talia Jane Bang!
31 July 2019 : https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1155421340658294789
31 July 2019 : my 'sell feet pics to a gross republican who gets so hard off them he promises to vote for whoever i tell him to' stunt transcends language! https://twitter.com/thlshgs/status/1156411150881497093
31 July 2019 : solo hablo ingles y espanol :(
31 July 2019 : quien quiere comprar una foto de mis pies lol
31 July 2019 : the last time i applied and interviewed for this job i just applied for, the whole team got laid off. fingers crossed!
31 July 2019 : these replies are making me confident trump is going to win a second term
31 July 2019 : that i am able to pursue it at no cost to me, absolutely thrilled and relieved and empowered to keep going. that there are so many bureaucratic hoops to jump through that, were i fairing worse off would potentially cause significant harm, no.
31 July 2019 : marianne sure is saying a lot of neat stuff that if you let her keep going boils down to dismantling racism by imagining angels curing cancer
31 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/ElqmhfU3Ay
31 July 2019 : president opama
31 July 2019 : low and middle uncum
31 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/Gc0NR565mh
31 July 2019 : lillian is my fav & he’s available for adoption https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1156307420374851584?s=21
31 July 2019 : delaney’s kink is dressing up like a baby & peeing in an adult diaper while sucking an oversized binky
31 July 2019 : unclear if you can hear my roommate and i holding in groans
31 July 2019 : a broken clock is right twice a day, but i sure as shit ain’t supporting it for president
31 July 2019 : @infinite_scream
31 July 2019 : when the pic crop undermines your joke pic.twitter.com/fIJUR1uDFu
31 July 2019 : tfw the racial divide lives within you pic.twitter.com/i17XeXDM2p
31 July 2019 : IM SCREAMING pic.twitter.com/k15b8pb3ka
31 July 2019 : when marianne got that applause pic.twitter.com/ok9eil41Cy
31 July 2019 : that type of signaling clearly indicates a total lack of understanding what modern americans are dealing with and how to fix it
31 July 2019 : it’s a bogus little ghost designed to evoke romantic mid century imagery of coal miners who qualifies as “working class” when the reality is it’s majority food service workers
31 July 2019 : sanders & warren 50/50 split https://twitter.com/mcdavidaggro/status/1156376852992155649
31 July 2019 : i know
31 July 2019 : i like washing my arms & face as soon as i clock out so i don’t have food gunk on me but psychologically i prefer showering before i leave so i head in feeling fresh & clean!
31 July 2019 : “and i oop”
31 July 2019 : follow me like one of your verified favs
31 July 2019 : lol
31 July 2019 : i was told recently that i should talk to “real” workers who “shower at night” and i was like “i’m a fuckin line cook dude”
31 July 2019 : every time someone dunks on delaney he makes this reflexive smile that evokes a cartoony “ahyuck!” gulping sound
31 July 2019 : stop unfollowing me when i’m being insightful goddamn it
31 July 2019 : “people who shower after work” is such a weird signifier for the working class. i’m working class and i sleep in filth and shower when i wake up.
31 July 2019 : freddie would never stop
31 July 2019 : love marianne williamson’s platform slogan pic.twitter.com/ggd32Ez3ji
31 July 2019 : i’m drinking to tolerate my roommate drinking to tolerate the debate
31 July 2019 : the rest are republicans in 1996
31 July 2019 : gotcha. thank you!
31 July 2019 : insanity. “do undocumented immigrants deserve healthcare?” WHAT
31 July 2019 : as far as i’m concerned the only democrats on this stage are warren & sanders.
31 July 2019 : holy shit these questions are such trash i can’t believe no one’s called it out yet
31 July 2019 : they’re getting cut off right as they hit a convincing point that successfully negates the conservative talking points the mods are asking https://twitter.com/mattdpearce/status/1156366492922892288
31 July 2019 : eerie echoes https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1156365795540254720?s=21
31 July 2019 : sanders vows to end demons. just lost my vote. #hailsatan
31 July 2019 : delaney & tapper are making the same talking points conservatives made about repealing ACA
31 July 2019 : delaney got big cop energy.
31 July 2019 : roommate and i talked over bernie’s slam dunk and we discovered we can rewind on the cnn app so i’m tapping out sharing my takes cuz i’m a solid 30 seconds behind
31 July 2019 : i don’t care who’s in which slot as long as they’re together. power house duo.
31 July 2019 : a moment of silence for all the bernie bros who were frothing at the mouth to land some warren slam dunks ahead of this debate and are just sitting there, confused as hell, watching them team up to slam dunk on everyone else’s bullshit.
31 July 2019 : i do love the energy of warren speaking up to defend sanders when tapper tried asking a bullshit question. they’ll be excellent running mates.
31 July 2019 : jake tapper is seriously opposed to every single one of these candidates and their platforms. he’s asking conservative buzzword phrases & deliberately misinterpreting information to that end. i wonder who cnn will have moderate next.
31 July 2019 : “senator warren, you said you quote “agree with” senator sanders when he said pineapple on pizza is “just fine.” does that mean you hate babies and want them all to die?” CHYRON: “Pineapple on pizzas.” Babies dying: just fine?
31 July 2019 : my thought exactly
31 July 2019 : these questions are insanely disingenuous
31 July 2019 : when sanders said canada spends half of what we do on healthcare - is that an overall number or relative to population differences?
31 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/gD4aZjrU1n
31 July 2019 : it’s not a library?
31 July 2019 : who?
31 July 2019 : have any republicans announced their bid or are they all complicitly pushing for another 4 years of trump’s fascism
31 July 2019 : ya
30 July 2019 : ya but it’s like six friggen bucks
30 July 2019 : but i could be persuaded if you offered to bring a gallon of 2% lactaid, shampoo, conditioner, a grip of 79 cent frozen burritos (spicy beef, bean & cheese), and some chocolate snackpaks
30 July 2019 : nope someone else, vaguely similar avi. never mind!
30 July 2019 : are you the guy who stared down a woman until she made room for you on the train and then tweeted me saying you were on my train
30 July 2019 : if you say my cocaine you can say michael caine in his accent
30 July 2019 : just kidding i’m not showering & putting a bra on today
30 July 2019 : quit pandering chris
30 July 2019 : it already is
30 July 2019 : does anyone wanna come over & watch miss congeniality
30 July 2019 : we have approx 25 minutes to get all our non-debate related tweets in before twitter becomes a wasteland for the night pic.twitter.com/dkz4YEK0ES
30 July 2019 : 🧐 pic.twitter.com/9cqZwNhnor
30 July 2019 : someone asked him to listen to that song. after nodding his head off-beat he remarks it’s “good” then picks up their phone to stop it
30 July 2019 : i colored it last night it’s EVERYWHERE
30 July 2019 : i can’t stop crying from laughing pic.twitter.com/pXp9UusLul
30 July 2019 : i just burst into tears https://twitter.com/petebuttigieg/status/1156342884368560130
30 July 2019 : maura tierney in liar liar tho
30 July 2019 : to that end, this twitter prompt makes me anxious because it’s another thing through which i’m incapable of proving my queerness
30 July 2019 : i dunno i guess work with me lol
30 July 2019 : i never built my outward self around a film or tv character. it was always in the facets & little moments where a part of myself made sense, nothing like ‘birdcage made me camp’
30 July 2019 : i wasn’t allowed to watch many movies so none ever got to be something that made the lightbulb go off. but i vaguely recall a movie about a girl who turns into a boy, and about a boy who likes to wear dresses. those sort of cemented themselves as genderqueer touchstones.
30 July 2019 : not a movie but i had *the biggest* crush on hollie marie combs & watched charmed obsessively because of it. https://twitter.com/louispeitzman/status/1156295160185196551
30 July 2019 : yeah it’s for an ear appt. i’d said my hearing gets bad sometimes. guess what? it’s stress-related.
30 July 2019 : he let out a shocked laugh and after that died down i added “and you will be too”
30 July 2019 : coworker asked me where i see myself in five years. after a long, thoughtful pause, i said “dead from global warming.” strongly encourage using this in all future icebreakers/interviews.
30 July 2019 : this thread inspired by a referral my gp made that i got a letter in the mail about that doesn’t tell me what’s being treated but says i need to be in midtown at 8am on a day i have work. they didn’t ask my availability, they just scheduled it on their own. i’m skipping it.
30 July 2019 : sending him a ton of good jujus
30 July 2019 : the conversation re:m4a always seems to center on the need for access in contrast to the realities of the larger convoluted system. but m4a would inherently necessitate an overhaul of how the system functions, thus eliminating these hoops & burdens.
30 July 2019 : *too expensive. the bureaucracy of the healthcare system is designed to benefit private insurers. were everyone on medicaid, the federal government would have the ability to cap excessive scheduling, costly prescriptions, and undo these burdens that keep people from being healthy
30 July 2019 : the result is that medicaid/care become expensive to extend to everyone who needs it, doctors are unable to treat patients in a timely fashion, and routine problems snowball by teaching folks it’s too much hassle to pursue their health
30 July 2019 : it’s crystal clear that follow-ups for follow-ups and full panels and a slew of tests in the face of something very simple, that’s already been diagnosed, are bureaucratic efforts to squeeze money out of patients/medicaid, many of whom are on medicaid/medicare or low income
30 July 2019 : were i not on medicaid, there’s no way in hell i’d be able to get this far in pursuing treatment for a routine, already-diagnosed condition.
30 July 2019 : i’ve advocated for myself every step of the way, coming in with a list i want addressed and reiterating that the secondary symptoms and blood work all clearly indicate pcos. but they require follow-ups for results & ultrasounds ‘so it’s in their system.’
30 July 2019 : and the next available appointment to get the results of the ultrasound, which i already know is going to show cysts on my ovaries because they’ve been there since i was 22, is a month from now.
30 July 2019 : i saw the NP to seek treatment for pcos & was told she wouldn’t prescribe metformin without an appointment with a GP, then i had to have 2 follow-up appointments to get the results of blood & pap tests, at which point i was told i had to get the ultrasounds to confirm blood tests
30 July 2019 : all of this to *confirm* a diagnosis i received from two different doctors in CA 7 years ago so that i might be able to start maybe taking metformin to treat PCOS, a condition that my bloodwork & physical symptoms can all easily confirm in a single appointment.
30 July 2019 : so far i have had 2 appointments with a GP (3 if you count the one he canceled & rescheduled for a month later), 3 appointments with an NP/gyno, two ultrasounds, & a scheduled follow-up a month from now (they don’t tell you the results of tests without a follow-up).
30 July 2019 : nyuck nyuck nyuck!
30 July 2019 : write a review with the pic!
30 July 2019 : looks photoshopped tbh
30 July 2019 : HAHAHAHAHAHA your mouth being open makes this a thousand times funnier
30 July 2019 : all this could be yours for $350 pic.twitter.com/JHEymCs7rp
30 July 2019 : PLEASE ADOPT HIM
30 July 2019 : when the only thing that’s made your synapses fire recently is a goofy looking dog named lillian and you know the novelty will soon wear off and you’ll be back to procrastinating your existence pic.twitter.com/rqdAlA7zGW
30 July 2019 : when kamala said pell grant recipients could have their student loans forgiven if they open a business that operates for three years in a disadvantaged community pic.twitter.com/Q1iyoLAWQg
30 July 2019 : when a coworker who makes as much as you do agrees with the manager that another coworker’s concerns aren’t legitimate pic.twitter.com/7zl2aaDRPO
30 July 2019 : when you clopened & your boss asks you to work a double knowing you can’t afford to say no
30 July 2019 : exactly
30 July 2019 : i snorted at the overlay
30 July 2019 : no i won’t i recognize that because there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism & we exist in an oppressively capitalist society the best offense is unabashedly thriving in any way possible regardless of what the status quo says we can do
30 July 2019 : if you adopt this dog because of this thread please dm me proof of adoption and your address and once i get paid i will ship you a box of doggy goodies and maybe a long turtleneck sweater for him
30 July 2019 : dm it to me bish
30 July 2019 : wow drag me pic.twitter.com/Fr7RvNF5HY
30 July 2019 : i wonder if @mattzollerseitz could alert buscemi to the existence of this perfect dog https://twitter.com/jodiecongirl/status/1156310454182064129
30 July 2019 : steve buscemi owning a dog named lillian who looks like this would be such a beautiful, joyous little moment of beauty
30 July 2019 : when you’re getting memed instead of being adopted in a house with a large dog & no kids in connecticut or surrounding states pic.twitter.com/ur7kNmRSTN
30 July 2019 : when you were named lillian but you’re a boy named steve pic.twitter.com/jhOe4ykM4r
30 July 2019 : honestly i love that his name is lillian
30 July 2019 : when you just finished fixing a rack and someone puts a bunch of clothes on it that belong on the exact opposite end of the store pic.twitter.com/lLg0mhuXlk
30 July 2019 : do it anyway, i say
30 July 2019 : prob cuz it’s not. don’t think pug/chihuahua mixes tend to be?
30 July 2019 : “your payment will take 2-4 weeks to process” 3 months after you filed the invoice pic.twitter.com/nRTj3sQNZ5
30 July 2019 : “i didn’t invite you because i just assumed you’d be working” pic.twitter.com/CKylqaoduS
30 July 2019 : overhearing someone order a “cappuccino with nonfat milk” pic.twitter.com/nlaT8CSC3F
30 July 2019 : me & my coworkers when a customer orders an item with gluten but wants gluten-free bread “because of the carbs” pic.twitter.com/YDxHkeHnOC
30 July 2019 : making eye contact with a retail worker right as a rude customer exhales dramatically and asks to speak to the manager pic.twitter.com/QYEjfjkC18
30 July 2019 : when your roommate is making herself dinner and you’re hungry but don’t want to assume she’ll offer you any pic.twitter.com/wxaYUodiNA
30 July 2019 : when you overhear someone at the bar yelling at the server and you want to be the tough guy who kicks them out but you are too small pic.twitter.com/5HXYlV5oqZ
30 July 2019 : watching the sandwich artist when you ask for extra olives and they give you two pic.twitter.com/EZ2YtcPl1Q
30 July 2019 : my face two seconds after taking the group photo pic.twitter.com/MulAm4PY6d
30 July 2019 : when you’re at a friend’s house and they try showing off by talking back to their mom pic.twitter.com/jsJBWJjClF
30 July 2019 : when someone sends me a link to a youtube video i “have to watch” pic.twitter.com/rYQcs7QoXo
30 July 2019 : this pic is so good it hurts pic.twitter.com/4cT8H2QF48
30 July 2019 : don’t get used to it!
30 July 2019 : someone please adopt golden globe winner steve buscemi https://twitter.com/tanukimaki/status/1156297138332143616
30 July 2019 : when my roommate & i run out of sugar it’s a whole event. days of us just saying SHUGUR and grunting MORE
30 July 2019 : what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck https://twitter.com/bubbaprog/status/1156292051656462336
30 July 2019 : happy birthday to my favorite rapper 🥳
30 July 2019 : it’s doable! they have a setting that lets you link a url to your tumblr so instead of dhsjwkkwjd.tumblr as your url it’s http://djdjejahs.com
30 July 2019 : i understand the appeal of a more mobile friendly, minimalist layout but that’s also 99.9% of writer websites and i get bored easily. oh i should figure out how to link to minesweeper & solitaire on it. a lil pop-up window versus a redirect.
30 July 2019 : it’s a tumblr account with a free theme! the only thing i pay for is the url
30 July 2019 : as far as i can tell the only purpose my website serves is 1. me being able to easily find things i’ve written 2. friends losing their minds at how fun it looks 3. randos who get mad at me looking for dirt getting distracted for a few minutes
30 July 2019 : i updated my website’s about page pic.twitter.com/hSeajiXEnR
30 July 2019 : charging big bucks to basically tell folks whether or not you’d retweet them. i love it.
30 July 2019 : and definitely exploited, and then attempted to use those same manipulative behaviors on other girls
30 July 2019 : a junior in college started dating a sophomore in high school.
30 July 2019 : the “he was complaining about our sex life to other women... i apologized to him” line REALLY stands out.
30 July 2019 : a 21-year old man started dating a 16-year old girl and spent five years grooming & gaslighting her.
30 July 2019 : Now That’s What I Call Feminism! pic.twitter.com/zZX57a7ZvU
30 July 2019 : also good time to get cheap house stuff via ‘back to college’ sales.
30 July 2019 : august is the perfect month to buy winter clothes, unfortunately. stores are pushing old stock online at deep discounts ahead of new fall looks.
30 July 2019 : manic panic amplified!
30 July 2019 : also easier to sit on
30 July 2019 : when will sleep bless me pic.twitter.com/10qE7zJBgJ
30 July 2019 : nice potpourri
30 July 2019 : sometimes you just gotta shave your buttcheeks and hope tomorrow is a better day
30 July 2019 : shoutout & solidarity to the folks who like intensely antifascist posts but, due to their job’s social media restrictions, aren’t able to express or share those same thoughts publicly.
30 July 2019 : to ignore these obvious gimmicks is to fall for them. it’s like buying one of those “only a TAURUS born on MAY 7th in LOUISIANA who graduated from OHIO STATE in 1979 who loves FROGS could look this good” shirts on fb that’s just an algorithm spitting your profile back at you
30 July 2019 : the southern strategy was just an elaborate marketing campaign the same as stop & frisk, private prisons, privatized healthcare, stagnant wages, and white nationalism disguised as “patriotism”
30 July 2019 : reagan essentially rebranded white supremacy to justify cutting federal funding to programs vital for the health and development of any first world country.
30 July 2019 : the united states is an unequivocally terrible country with a long history of excruciatingly convincing marketing campaigns.
30 July 2019 : his escalation of racism means only one thing: he’s a fuckin racist
30 July 2019 : oh my god
30 July 2019 : i woke up after a solid 2-hour nap at 10pm. wide awake. sang ‘500 miles’ with the inflections out loud to myself, in full, in the dark. will shortly begin the process of dyeing my hair. it’s all normal. all normal.
30 July 2019 : if i were a diversity hire on this show i would sprint - not run - as far away from it as humanly possible
30 July 2019 : found some incredibly tall boys in brooklyn pic.twitter.com/kvpKfFATqy
30 July 2019 : ??? pic.twitter.com/ICMP3tHJcp
30 July 2019 : e x p o s e t h e m https://twitter.com/_sjpeace_/status/1156049011058597893
30 July 2019 : i’ll take 40 please
30 July 2019 : you caught me
30 July 2019 : where are my house keys mark!!!!
30 July 2019 : pretty close! pic.twitter.com/ZZCVomGgAc
30 July 2019 : 90% of wearing a mouth guard before i fall asleep is shoving it between my lips and trying my best to look like the elephant man pic.twitter.com/8bmhTeyGSY
30 July 2019 : RT @lisadraws: I just saw this website/petition for #TucaAndBertie and I am so touched by how many fans care about this show ❤️ https://t.…
30 July 2019 : that’s almost a thousand dollars an hour what the fuck
30 July 2019 : 😭😭😭😭😭😭
30 July 2019 : who took a pic with him during this shit like what’s her badge number https://twitter.com/naomimonster1/status/1155634789095018496
30 July 2019 : yes
30 July 2019 : bobw (best of both worlds) pic.twitter.com/966y9dqIJQ
30 July 2019 : the band was in our hearts, beating in perfect harmony, all along
30 July 2019 : damn girl are you this joke format cuz i’m so fuckin tired of you
30 July 2019 : love her chocolate chip cookies
30 July 2019 : i do the same but because everyone says anTEEFuh and i don’t want them to judge me for “mispronouncing it”
30 July 2019 : unless you are also pronouncing anti-fascist as anTEEFascist in which case i am extremely suspicious of you
30 July 2019 : deeply dislike pronunciation of “anTEEFuh” as it does not lead the mind to connecting the shortened term to its full meaning and purpose. suggest instead a collective habit be made of pronouncing it ANTi-fah, as that is how one would lead into the pronunciation of “anti-fascist”
30 July 2019 : hhahahahahahahhahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahaha https://twitter.com/mattgaetz/status/1155993249112133632
29 July 2019 : scam https://twitter.com/chrisychung/status/1155985537762615296
29 July 2019 : 💗💗💗
29 July 2019 : i think i had a rare moment of clarity where i thought to do so & it made introing with “i was told i could speak to you” sort of shoulder the burden of an awkward intrusion
29 July 2019 : this sabotabby wont let me read the good book pic.twitter.com/YaRKcKmitB
29 July 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰 pic.twitter.com/Eos0FSOTto
29 July 2019 : alan dershowitz is like two op-eds away from publishing 'so i'm a pedophile. so what?'
29 July 2019 : a strong conviction about age of consent is always the tell. https://twitter.com/AlanDersh/status/1155962389776351238
29 July 2019 : i would love a statistical likelihood of this move leading to anything other than the paper getting thrown in the nearest trash can. i’m positive ‘pls gimme job?’ folks happen on every public set. would love to hear anecdotes about such experiences.
29 July 2019 : lol imma drop a BM after hours too
29 July 2019 : season 2 episode 2 of ‘fbi’ will feature the interior of this coffee shop but none of this magical ~ambiance~ pic.twitter.com/c0WUzVPBED
29 July 2019 : i wrote my website & “pa/writing assist jobs” on a guest check & asked someone whose shirt i’d previously complimented who i could give it to and he told me and i asked the person he directed me to if i could give her my info and she said yes & then she gave it to the DP
29 July 2019 : what if i just pic.twitter.com/EUr7apJBX6
29 July 2019 : the stories are true: everyone in new york winds up in a dick wolf production pic.twitter.com/y19dmStzs1
29 July 2019 : they’re filming fbi in front of my job today and the grips let me sit on one of their apple boxes before i start my shift 😍
29 July 2019 : this is the first time i ever searched prageru & it’s not even google lmao pic.twitter.com/KOWQCwz2NO
29 July 2019 : looking forward to protestors sporting black block & waterproof work onesies to dodge these efforts
29 July 2019 : that’s one hell of a silverlining! pic.twitter.com/hdK9j0Xj0f
29 July 2019 : a real bind for homophobic cop-obsessed nuts
29 July 2019 : an incredible checkmate. want less gays? gotta get rid of cops!
29 July 2019 : wow
29 July 2019 : gay people are caused by the cops
29 July 2019 : two years from now antifascism won’t be the pearl clutchy boogeyman it’s being advertised as now because everyone will realize how important it is, and by then it’ll be far too late.
29 July 2019 : @SpeakerPelosi the hell are you waiting for
29 July 2019 : babies just do it exactly how he’s dancing. it’s an innate little jiggle.
29 July 2019 : (3 prayer hands, hambalam)
29 July 2019 : 🙏🙏🙏
29 July 2019 : gotta sleep now. work at ninea.m.
29 July 2019 : will do boss samacam
29 July 2019 : aw i was tryina make the convo go in a circle lol
29 July 2019 : woah jimjammy here we go again https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1155702924934352896?s=21
29 July 2019 : so it goes in cuomoland
29 July 2019 : it’s probably condos now damn the man
29 July 2019 : @JamesUrbaniak be more specific gamalam
29 July 2019 : it’s real pretty jamafam
29 July 2019 : when we meetin? jamabam
29 July 2019 : they were so confident folks in brooklyn would only be going to/from manhattan & never anywhere else in the borough
29 July 2019 : HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
29 July 2019 : oh jimjammy, jambabam, woah jimjammy, jamaflam
29 July 2019 : he got it from me. we’re friends now. can i call you jimjam?
29 July 2019 : can people who’ve met me irl vouch that i’m not as annoying as i am online or am i asking for friends because everyone who’s met me thus far has been like “never again” hmm really airing out some intriguing mental health questions here huh
29 July 2019 : like 90% of people i meet live in brooklyn but in a location i have to take a train into manhattan & then take another train back into brooklyn and that’s fuckin wack
29 July 2019 : would anyone like to become lifelong friends? the only catch is you have to live off the same train as me because i’m not goin to fuckin sunset park or some shit
29 July 2019 : they’ve always had someone else cleaning up after them
29 July 2019 : @def_not_emma it we
29 July 2019 : like 50% of my timeline for the last several days has been women & femmes telling the timeline to shut the fuck up and as much as i hate knowing the reason for the exhausted irritation i also love the vibe
29 July 2019 : and your chest!!
29 July 2019 : you don’t know shit
29 July 2019 : you know you’re close and just roll down the windows to soak it all up. have driven behind huge trucks on the 5 filled with garlic just for the smell. the shells flying around like snow just made it even more of a miniature experience.
29 July 2019 : the gilroy garlic festival was one of the last remaining pillars of wholesome goodness in the country. a sweet little town, wholly dedicated to garlic, just celebrating the beautiful allium in all its forms.
29 July 2019 : omg!!! i am honored
29 July 2019 : ok you got me, it’s cerave eczema oil
29 July 2019 : therapist: and what do we say when we feel this way? me: hail satan therapist: all power to our dark lord
29 July 2019 : this is perfect form, exaggerated and slowed down, for your edification.
29 July 2019 : i got out of bed and squirted lotion on a table to show what i mean. pic.twitter.com/VDAUlGYz8V
29 July 2019 : same. my current coworkers largely don’t share that appreciation so i end up shouldering most of the work basically re-cleaning what they clean. they complain that i take too long but they also don’t help ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
29 July 2019 : for wiping things down use a figure eight (if it’s a thick mess), hold the side of the towel/sponge that’s hitting the mess first slightly up and apply pressure with the outer part of your hand that’s hitting the mess last.
29 July 2019 : same with mopping. use a figure eight starting in the furthest corner from the entrance, this way you pick up shit missed in sweeping and carry it with the mop and you don’t get stuck in a corner.
29 July 2019 : they’re pretty average feet, if not a lil chunky cuz i’m a sweet chubbo. and i don’t know rates but i suspect it’s something to negotiate, if you care much or they have specific requests.
29 July 2019 : it’s amazing how many people i’ve had to teach how to wipe things down correctly. folks out here just pushing stuff around hoping the rag/paper towel/sponge does the work for them.
29 July 2019 : holy shit baby ben!
29 July 2019 : (: swenny (:
29 July 2019 : i know :( my doctor told me it’s a problem
29 July 2019 : is this why they’re called pussies pic.twitter.com/2JWn6TYi4n
29 July 2019 : imma say it’s all you 😉
28 July 2019 : tom kha gai is such a sleeper hit.
28 July 2019 : but like your chest & arms are absolutely golden too!!! some extremely good energy emanating outta you!!
28 July 2019 : oof
28 July 2019 : thanks, i went with a classic go-to pic.twitter.com/MZexUdhoIt
28 July 2019 : thank you timothy
28 July 2019 : if you’re a mutual who’s local you’re welcome to come over. i could use the anxiety-driven encouragement to get up/do some pre-work week chores. will share the prospective gooey food with you.
28 July 2019 : i haven’t been on anti anxiety meds long enough to handle that challenge. also it’s 2 hours away and it ended 45 minutes ago.
28 July 2019 : i’m pms depressed and there’s no gooey food in the house paypal me $10 so i can order something deeply satisfying to my reproductive system without spending the negative money in my bank account http://paypal.me/taliajane
28 July 2019 : the only person i knew going to this canceled so the tides, it seems, remain unknown to me
28 July 2019 : gotta zoom in on the second pic it’s the law
28 July 2019 : by which i mean please, vile tarantino fans, please suck my hemorrhoids. they are so swollen with infection.
28 July 2019 : tarantino fans can suck my infected hemorrhoids https://twitter.com/mattzollerseitz/status/1155618451970547712
28 July 2019 : i love being antifascist.
28 July 2019 : ooooo
28 July 2019 : would anyone in nyc like to buy some (lightly used/basically new) clothes (s12-16) shoes (s7/7.5) or books?
28 July 2019 : i got some lacey boys from target that mostly get sucked into the underboob abyss. acquired a leatherette from f21. neither are functional beyond laying around. sleeping in them guarantees a tit will fall out at some point.
28 July 2019 : maybe in august i will get paid for work i did in may and june.
28 July 2019 : ma you’re straight up GLOWING how
28 July 2019 : yes, missing out on vaginal discharge and tit sweat
28 July 2019 : yes https://twitter.com/bodegacats_/status/1155603371283419137
28 July 2019 : this is exciting: @Travon is doing an AMA instead of confessions today. thriving in these responses like a plant getting watered. pic.twitter.com/jrIIg9yV71
28 July 2019 : i’ve got a bad case of hot belly lately and it’s significantly challenged my anti-nude sleep stance, but a wimpy bralette that covers just enough to comfortably lay about all day is a satisfying middleground
28 July 2019 : the leatherette bralette i acquired during a fall-time grunge phase is too flimsy to make an outside appearance but has become a good friend of shirtless hot belly layabout time
28 July 2019 : we were 45k miles from sweet release and no one bothered to text me about it.
28 July 2019 : come back https://twitter.com/biindia/status/1154991052429774848
28 July 2019 : truly revolutionary thinking. “how can i offer a program that hits the big buzzwords but that will help the fewest people possible” https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1155559324913209345?s=21
28 July 2019 : I’ll establish a program for thee If you can solve these riddles three But first you must fly into the sun And find the square root of one https://twitter.com/kamalaharris/status/1155305122911723526
28 July 2019 : just in case there’s any guilty rich folk who wanna offset their wealth-guilt by giving me $120,000 to go to culinary school: http://paypal.me/taliajane
28 July 2019 : this exact energy is why i de-verified. so much hostility at perceived power when the reality was i washed dishes for a living.
28 July 2019 : does anyone wanna give me $120,000 so i can go to culinary school
28 July 2019 : always always always. and sprinkle some finishing salt on em after!
28 July 2019 : i got invited to a beach party but the only person i was gunna know there canceled so i didn’t go. my sandal tan is NOT coming along at all.
28 July 2019 : letterkenny argued over correct steak cooking. dan was right. pan sear & finish in an oven keeps em moist. but for grilling, wayne was right. let come to room temp & season with salt & pepper, move 2x to get grill marks & flip once. dary is a maniac who must be shot.
28 July 2019 : can i live your life for a week
28 July 2019 : oh my godddd
28 July 2019 : 💗💗💗 pic.twitter.com/3Q7dvi8p3s
28 July 2019 : i assure you it’ll be better for her AND you guys. no anxiety about being stolen/killed/injured, exposure to toxoplasmosis, rabies, etc.. please please please keep her indoors.
28 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/EfGmoNz5Pm
28 July 2019 : is anyone in nyc casting for a frumpy weirdo who’s 100% sober but only understands like 15% of what’s going on
28 July 2019 : i once did a talk & they had me upload my slides & go through it beforehand & there were a bunch that didn’t have any notes below em & the guy in charge was like “?!?!?!?!” & i had to explain how my brain only works in standup shorthand/the slide itself was the reminder
28 July 2019 : i love standup shorthand pic.twitter.com/3uHJsOced6
28 July 2019 : black cats are especially at risk but in general there’s no pro to letting domesticated cats roam in a city. shorter lifespans, exposure to fleas carrying lots of bad parasites, tons of shit. she stays indoors.
28 July 2019 : don’t do it
28 July 2019 : she comin
28 July 2019 : consider: not everyone who received a pell grant majored in business, or aims to start a business. it’s a superficial position in an attempt to offer something different than the thing everyone likes.
28 July 2019 : “if you’re in debt we’ll forgive your debt but FIRST you have to go into even MORE debt to start - and maintain! - a business in a low income area, for three years, when a majority of new businesses fold in a year & you graduated with a degree in anything other than business”
28 July 2019 : kurt shitlicker
28 July 2019 : thank u
28 July 2019 : this is nonsense. absolutely absurd.
28 July 2019 : you sack up & slide into my dms already
28 July 2019 : tbh none of it. it’s your attitude coming through, not the clothes.
28 July 2019 : you’ll have your day in the sun soon enough, i am certain
28 July 2019 : “extremely loud & incredibly coats” is hall of fame-level perfect
28 July 2019 : i don’t even like feet 🤷🏻‍♀️
28 July 2019 : this market is exclusively owned by the worker
28 July 2019 : posted a joke about selling foot pics & a republican rushed into my dms begging to be my ‘republican foot stool’ in exchange for pics and now i own his soul https://twitter.com/hottake93668250/status/1155422776871792641
28 July 2019 : i’m framing this pic.twitter.com/OnNwObtL5M
28 July 2019 : yes thank you for checking in
28 July 2019 : i like that if i forget to take my anti anxiety meds the result is i get anxious. it’s like a built-in reminder notification.
28 July 2019 : i just read the reviews for VICE and am doubly affirmed in my opinion. i enjoy doing this, talking about something no one cares about, deeply considering an opinion on it, and then finding that folks a year ago were saying the same thing. i live on MY time, not yours!
28 July 2019 : compared to blackkklansman, which hits you in a quick, intense punch to the gut at the very end, VICE felt like it overstretched in its messaging.
28 July 2019 : i feel like where this fails is that it ties to so many things and becomes a sort of youtube video collage an angry teen who just learned about the iraq war would make. it gets to a point where i question the sources.
28 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/Qruh6nJyIg
28 July 2019 : hahahahaha pic.twitter.com/ChHzTbDyNr
28 July 2019 : my feet are just that good
28 July 2019 : they hate socialism & everything it stands for but love my feet
28 July 2019 : $taliajane
28 July 2019 : 🥰🥰🥰
28 July 2019 : the tweets appear to all be posted via the twitter web app. meaning whoever hacked had to search for the 💯 emoji in the little emoji selection box and click it 3 times to do this pic.twitter.com/jvr5sCNccc
28 July 2019 : looks like they’re gone but here they all are for posterity or whatever pic.twitter.com/1WGuBYHIiP
28 July 2019 : these in particular have piqued my interest pic.twitter.com/8bDmNICKkQ
28 July 2019 : jessica was just minding her business tweeting links to instagram posts like a pinterest mom 😩
28 July 2019 : ......or did she?
28 July 2019 : jessica alba got hacked pic.twitter.com/YygR5Ca6DZ
28 July 2019 : a comfortable maxi
28 July 2019 : have much to think about.
28 July 2019 : i thought that was winter?
28 July 2019 : in keeping with only watching movies long after everyone’s stopped caring about them, i am watching VICE.
28 July 2019 : and impending
28 July 2019 : taco dumbo has coconut-flavored soft serve. juice press had chocolate & açaí for a while, but not sure if they still do. both vegan & in the city!
28 July 2019 : lol i bring mine to the movies & when driving
28 July 2019 : for the first 20 minutes i was like who does she remind me of?! and then i realized: this is directed by nora ephron, so naturally, she’s being meg ryan. which is why it stands out as such a confusing portion of her otherwise amazing work.
28 July 2019 : it’s very important to sometimes post gently wholesome content
28 July 2019 : i don’t need glasses and i still thought it was that
28 July 2019 : later on i would discover that a milky cuppa is my go-to comfort food. there is never a day when i’m not craving a cup of tea made by my grampa.
28 July 2019 : and yes, hrc sent the email to huma abedin
28 July 2019 : “cuppa” is a britishism for a cup of tea (or coffee, but usually tea) & typically understood to be made with milk & sugar
28 July 2019 : it was the morning tea that made me realize my senior year of high school that i was lactose intolerant, because i always got gassy during 0 period band practice
28 July 2019 : every day before school my grampa would make me a cuppa with such dedication that in college whenever my gramma came to pick me up for church she would have in the car a large plastic cup into which my grampa had poured a cuppa for me.
28 July 2019 : lol number 2
28 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/JOQZ4YOkmK
28 July 2019 : i read this bad review while flossing and it was a perfect experience https://www.npr.org/2009/12/10/114431078/whats-wrong-with-julie-powells-cleaving
28 July 2019 : every time i want a cuppa after midnight i’m reminded of that hrc email “should we be bad? should we get a creme brûlée?”
28 July 2019 : i love a good CHONK
28 July 2019 : i call this position “airing out the hot crotch”
28 July 2019 : my long boy pic.twitter.com/X6IKBYDske
28 July 2019 : holy shit i want THIS movie pic.twitter.com/yDrMZNPkAy
28 July 2019 : i just watched julie & julia for the first time since it came out. amy adams is such a good actor. she became meg ryan playing julie powell. stunning.
28 July 2019 : yes
28 July 2019 : i just stared and stared and the only thing i could put into words was a weak “thank you” every other thought is just feeling
28 July 2019 : thank you
28 July 2019 : SBA stands for Sucks Big Ass
28 July 2019 : THE CHUCKLE AT THE END
27 July 2019 : AHHHHHHHHHahahahahaha pic.twitter.com/wsF225RcXa
27 July 2019 : lmaooooo pic.twitter.com/heWcAK58Qs
27 July 2019 : lol the Moody Cool Fashion style in the asos men’s section really makes the look pic.twitter.com/QBeUYNgKKa
27 July 2019 : oh the asos men’s section is a beautiful array of chaotic prints & bright patterns i want them allllll
27 July 2019 : my bank account is $7 short of what i need to pay rent (maybe i will be paid for work i did in may & june soon!!!!!) so i am offsetting the anxiety by window shopping and dreaming of being a different person who would ever have a place to wear a leatherette pencil skirt
27 July 2019 : universal standard is having a sample sale & donating 50% of profits to planned parenthood until july 31st. please buy something cute so i can live vicariously through you.
27 July 2019 : lol
27 July 2019 : i overuse it!
27 July 2019 : i’m excited for updates on smoked & truffle !!
27 July 2019 : smoked w gouda would def bump up that flavor! i suggested truffle bc i saw the flake salt & figure w/toasted oats & cheese it’d add another layer to the existing umami profile
27 July 2019 : truffle salt
27 July 2019 : it’s a huge tell. everyone is asking for transparency as policy & the platform here seems to be “wait & see!” which just signals it’ll be more of the same rather than receptive consumption of legitimate concerns.
27 July 2019 : just because you shit out a horde of sticky gremlins and you have to center your whole personality around them to cover up the deep hole where your soul would be does not make you the arbiter of who is allowed to experience things.
27 July 2019 : disneyland markets itself as a place for families, but it’s *designed* to function better for individuals hanging out with friends
27 July 2019 : families, on the other hand, demand that they get seated together, and that’s what clogs things up. young friends know to split up & ride individual because it’s faster.
27 July 2019 : my friend & i had annual passes for a year in college & we’d go to disneyland pretty often, just cuz we could. we weren’t the ones making lines longer or blocking traffic. we were just hanging out, going wherever, totally fine if we had to be separated to fill out a ride.
27 July 2019 : they take up 2 or 3 tables at every restaurant & just sit there yelling at their kids to stop digging in the trash, they make every line take longer because they’re asking the staff if the indiana jones ride is safe for their toddler (despite repeat signage throughout the line)
27 July 2019 : i haven’t read the ‘millennials at disneyland are a scourge on society’ piece because i don’t need to. it’s breathless snobbish whining, not legitimate critical analysis. additionally, the worst people at disneyland are giant families who stand in the middle of everything. https://twitter.com/carolinemoss/status/1155180240148283392
27 July 2019 : there’s one on fairview (?) near a big coffee shop i tried working on a story at and ended up getting too caffeinated and i couldn’t focus!
27 July 2019 : 350k followers & breathless media coverage in WEEKS
27 July 2019 : this is a bad look, phyllis.
27 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/vG4mJc09XO
27 July 2019 : 😱😱😱😱😱
27 July 2019 : it’s not a cure-all. i’m still doing the same bad habits i had before. the difference is i’m more aware when they happen and feel like i can work to adjust those behaviors
27 July 2019 : just wish they’d invest in the choices they make rather than giving more seasons to like, the OA, which people watched just to laugh at it
27 July 2019 : just frustrating when they posture themselves as a space for original, inventive art & then make decisions in line with legacy channels.
27 July 2019 : worth a convo w/your dr or psychiatrist to see if that’s the right move!
27 July 2019 : that’s true, but how they could renew for 3 seasons - have so much faith in such a concept - and simultaneously axe such a unique, blessed lil gem is really difficult to understand
27 July 2019 : my mental clarity is up (maybe 10%) and the result is i’m (slightly) less distracted and moments where i’d agonize over a decision are of the same feeling, but not as intense. it’s a mild but, given my proclivity for constant self-analysis, noticeable shift.
27 July 2019 : i’m also finding that things that i’d ordinarily talk myself out of because they felt insurmountable have become smaller. mountains become hills, hills become speed bumps, speed bumps become cracks.
27 July 2019 : in general i’m finding that the adjustment period is characterized by an amplification of my mental health issues, and that they are louder makes them easier to deal with because they’re clearer to see. i can recognize/disengage with them more easily.
27 July 2019 : i still get repetitive thinking but find that the negative ones seem to come and go easily, where before they’d just get stuck for awhile and bring me down until i could distract myself with work.
27 July 2019 : have been on sertraline (zoloft) for a lil over 3 weeks. have found that moments where i’d get slammed with remembering an anxiety-inducing memory that get stuck on repeat are instead funny memories.
27 July 2019 : i did tequila and no one wants to dance who up
27 July 2019 : b*g m*uth just got renewed for *three* more seasons on nflix yet tuca & bertie, a show for/by femme folk with original, refreshing art & a beautiful story got axed after 1 season by nflix
27 July 2019 : i was doin full nomi malone pre-lemonade. can not believe there is no “thanks it’s verseis” gif readily available to best illustrate both this point and one of the all-time greatest lines in film history
27 July 2019 : je vawn chi
27 July 2019 : no one really needs three more seasons of preteens learning how to cum
27 July 2019 : #SaveTucaAndBertie
27 July 2019 : beyoncé taught me how to pronounce givenchy
27 July 2019 : https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cee-lo
27 July 2019 : am getting drunk watching a marathon game of cee-lo & giving good jujus out for a 20% cut. mostly it’s just staring at butts. pic.twitter.com/mope69xU3Y
27 July 2019 : i love the energy of early days insta posts. first few pics someone posts are always hella ~atmospheric~ with hella filters & a caption that’s like “frog.” folks respond to emptiness by filling the space with an inflated sense of artistry before it descends into chaos.
27 July 2019 : i got invited to a lesbian beach party so maybe the tides.....will soon be turning.
27 July 2019 : i’ve been single since 2009 but just wanted to remind folks
27 July 2019 : i’m single now ☺️
27 July 2019 : impeach mitch mcconnell
27 July 2019 : do fuckjerry too @instagram https://twitter.com/taylorlorenz/status/1154974536409985024
27 July 2019 : woah
27 July 2019 : haven’t had it happen w/me & this is how i pack/fold mine!
27 July 2019 : if i were a train conductor i’d be like “we’re being held in the station momentarily. some dumbass barfed in one of the cars so we gotta clear it out. we apologize for the delay. blame the fuckin idiot who can’t hold their liquor.”
27 July 2019 : vaya con dios
27 July 2019 : “this is dumb” ringing endorsement!
27 July 2019 : i’m saying!
27 July 2019 : what about ham
27 July 2019 : chili cheese fritos are gluten free!
27 July 2019 : ok ok ok instead my first day i will bring........ chili cheese fritos https://twitter.com/marielynn/status/1154965429707771905
27 July 2019 : ah shit my anxiety was right!!!!
27 July 2019 : thread https://twitter.com/weirdhonie/status/1154885291775287296
27 July 2019 : hahahaha 😩
27 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/3yK94HnRl8
27 July 2019 : everyone i know who writes tv is!!!
27 July 2019 : i think it starts early on (before the party) where swayze mentions going to roadhouse, which is the name of another swayze flick!!!
27 July 2019 : omg omg omg omg omg https://twitter.com/radtoria/status/1154941016278876160
27 July 2019 : i wanna write tv but everyone who writes tv is so casually cool despite their neuroses and every time i try writing a pilot i think about bringing cupcakes on my first day and everyone being like “uhhh...... okay....” and that’s my truth!!!!!
27 July 2019 : i have three shifts left here so if you want hella bangin food instead of the sloppy, undersauced nonsense i’m constantly begging my coworkers to stop making show up to the cinnamon snail weds-fri nights next week. come before 8:30 or i’ll hate you for impeding my pre-close.
27 July 2019 : ohhh
27 July 2019 : it’s a thanksgiving sandoo on pretzel bun (cuz we ran out of baguettes). a mix of chopped seitan & bread pudding topped with cranberry relish & porcini sauce, garlic aioli, all on a bed of marinated kale.
27 July 2019 : i made this large boy tonight lol it was like 6” tall pic.twitter.com/FZYN469Wfm
27 July 2019 : you assholes are extraordinarily bad tippers
27 July 2019 : i want everyone who went to the john mayer concert to know that i personally hate you from the deepest depths of my soul. i hope you overpaid and had a terrible time.
26 July 2019 : AHHHHHH
26 July 2019 : being on zoloft is making my spanish better?!?!
26 July 2019 : everything was prompt tweets and nothing huRT
26 July 2019 : whaaaaat
26 July 2019 : how does anyone get that many chances to bomb that hard
26 July 2019 : “do you have an appointment?” “yes” “for what time” “2 o’clock” “oh okay. they’ll be with you shortly.” [repeat every 20 minutes]
26 July 2019 : radiology receptionist servin a mooood pic.twitter.com/Tgd6GrzcYu
26 July 2019 : he is art
26 July 2019 : ohhh this outfit. these pics. oh. oh. https://twitter.com/lilnasx/status/1154586353692266496
26 July 2019 : omg metalocalypse was such a gift
26 July 2019 : oh he’s fine
26 July 2019 : oh my god
26 July 2019 : @infinite_scream
26 July 2019 : cats just have fuckin needles growing outta their faces. and they fall out like eyelashes. what a fuckin nightmare. pic.twitter.com/r4oMlbllGL
26 July 2019 : yes that was the part that was in my foot!
26 July 2019 : how the heck!
26 July 2019 : what the fuck i thought i had a splinter or piece of glass in my foot but it was a CAT WHISKER
26 July 2019 : call your grandma right now and cuss her out
26 July 2019 : blame your grandparents for plastic. it’s their fault.
26 July 2019 : i said “more like a triangle offENSE, am i right?”
26 July 2019 : he was very apologetic and i reassured him that the ornaments get broken at least once a day and then i made the joke and that was the last time i ever saw him in our store
26 July 2019 : i just remembered when phil jackson came into our store and he bumped into the carousel of christmas ornaments. a few fell down and broke. they were shaped like a slice of cheesecake & a slice of pizza. as i cleaned them up i made a joke about triangle offense.
26 July 2019 : if i’m alive in 2051 imma be so pissed
26 July 2019 : eat better to live longer?? live longer than what? the planet???
26 July 2019 : personally i’m glad to be spending my “twilight years” tweeting
26 July 2019 : scientists estimate mass extinction by 2050 or some shit. that’s like 30 years from now. guess it’s a good thing millennials can’t afford to save for retirement.
26 July 2019 : RT @onlxn: and there you have it — Mayer’s “what are the REAL facts” piece is riddled with sloppiness, fudges, and outright dishonesty. @an…
26 July 2019 : *she pushes the knife all the way through your heart*
26 July 2019 : cut out of published versions?? lol when we read it in middle school everyone was like “sexy stuff on page 49, 112, and a lil on 115!”
26 July 2019 : what the shit is this!!!!
26 July 2019 : lmao
26 July 2019 : 😰 https://twitter.com/__lauraleee/status/1154435946437386243
26 July 2019 : 40404!
26 July 2019 : my cat has the hiccups. luckily it is very easy to rid a cat of hiccups (move too abruptly and they get scared)
26 July 2019 : oh noooo!!!!
26 July 2019 : i think what i’m getting at here is......what if we of the early days do a tweetup, as an homage to the tweetups of yore? i have no interest in planning it and am pre-tired at the prospect
26 July 2019 : i see posts about writers retreats everywhere and my first instinct is “I WANNA GO” and then it occurs to me that they cost money
26 July 2019 : #SaveTucaAndBertie https://twitter.com/philmcandrew/status/1154622111115354112
26 July 2019 : that sounds awesome as hell.
26 July 2019 : we wound up in front of 30 rock at around 7am, where the photo happened. then we were first in line to go to ‘the top of the rock’ and watched the sun rise over the city. then he drove me back to my hotel in queens & a few hours later i hopped on my flight back to CA. so sweet!
26 July 2019 : it was also my first time in new york. i fell asleep outside the bar (i went outside cuz it was hot!) and someone called the paramedics on me. for napping! then we went to a karaoke bar, i got halal with a fellow tweeter, and we wandered around midtown all night.
26 July 2019 : the first tweetup i ever went to was in NYC & i went to 30 rock and took a picture in front of it and told myself “i will work here someday.” 7 years later i got a job at a smoothie shop in the basement at 30 rock. it was a valuable lesson in being specific about your dreams.
26 July 2019 : i went to the one in NYC
26 July 2019 : look at us. a coupla 2010ers.
26 July 2019 : you’re telling me. those are years-long mutuals i can’t break!
26 July 2019 : hahahaha
26 July 2019 : it still happens
26 July 2019 : having lived through that era it makes perfect sense. i know lots of couples who got together around that time!
26 July 2019 : there’s folks who were on twitter when tweetups were super normal and they’re either still obsessed with favstar (“thanks for the cup!”)/favstar-type behavior OR they’re just people doin their thing who can spot starfuckers & guy’s pretending to be women from a mile away.
26 July 2019 : 2009!!!! wow!!
26 July 2019 : ah man. anyone remember tweetups? 2011-2012 twitter was so innocent.
26 July 2019 : @stefthepef @RainbowSandals damn
26 July 2019 : the warp is such that it rubs my foot really hard. i had hoped i’d adjust/wear it down but instead it’s given me a blister
26 July 2019 : it happened to my second pair too! my first pair got food dye in them so every time i wore them it turned my toes orange lol i got these maybe 5 years ago
26 July 2019 : (this is me out of warranty hoping they’ll send me a new one for free)
26 July 2019 : omg!! when did you get yours?
26 July 2019 : nutsucks
26 July 2019 : i love my @RainbowSandals to no end but it (physically, emotionally) pains me that one of them warped when i first broke them in. it wasn’t much of a problem until i started wearing them every day, and now every other step makes me sad. pic.twitter.com/p3Yi3DrCu6
26 July 2019 : define “good”
26 July 2019 : sublet is tricky because it’d be illegal but if it’s a friend you can trust who can stay out the remainder of the lease you don’t have to worry about breaking the agreement/paying the rest of it
26 July 2019 : co-signer will eliminate concern for income history (typically they ask for past 3 month’s statements) & if you’re in a lease they’ll either request full amt or next month’s rent, depends on whether you can tell them why you need to vacate. additional stress/option: sublet
26 July 2019 : thanks, i will!
26 July 2019 : 🎵 i’ll take a number 17 🎵
26 July 2019 : oh shit beat me to it
26 July 2019 : yeah that’s kinda what happens to sex offenders in prison https://twitter.com/nbcnewyork/status/1154219905866240002
26 July 2019 : it’s because we’re excited your whole body dead tooth stench will be leaving soon https://twitter.com/nytdavidbrooks/status/1154554882956726273
26 July 2019 : ECBIP
25 July 2019 : THE CLOPEN MIC OMGGGG https://twitter.com/greggateley/status/1154531485614874624
25 July 2019 : hot hook
25 July 2019 : when i worked graveyard i always wanted to do stuff after work but because it was 8am there wasn’t anything to do. no mics, shows, etc. could see a movie but $$
25 July 2019 : @Chazraps or at least let folks like me who are constantly scheduled to work when a majority of mics are to go up
25 July 2019 : except other comics with unconventional hours!
25 July 2019 : in this scenario it’s moreso “contact if you feel like you’re DYING” versus “contact if you just feelin groggy but veeeeeeery relaxed” had some coffee, showered, bout to sail into this shift fully unbothered
25 July 2019 : i have notifications completely disabled for instagram & only check my fb through the web but needing to have notifications enabled is so acutely irritating
25 July 2019 : #SaveTucaAndBertie
25 July 2019 : there are so many comedians working unconventional hours it boggles my mind that there aren’t more open mics at like noon or 2am so folks can practice new bits before or after their shifts
25 July 2019 : no sweat. but ya
25 July 2019 : delete this pls
25 July 2019 : garbage app. btw did u see my text about the old mail i found for y’all? it’s like, majorly old.
25 July 2019 : i loved going in the middle of the night and am excited to be working near one where i can do the same
25 July 2019 : co-star has not yet delivered the message that lights a fire in my brain and makes clear everything i have been struggling with, allowing me to forge ahead and find success and peace and happiness in everything i do. garbage app.
25 July 2019 : at least they donated them pic.twitter.com/GJvg4BjG7p
25 July 2019 : yoikes!
25 July 2019 : no rosie hates you, because you’re an asshole
25 July 2019 : i’m using a ghost account (0 friends, photos, posts, etc.) to manage the page so the only notifications the app *would* send me are related to the page. i have notifications set for comments/messages only, yet i still receive these phantom push notifications
25 July 2019 : facebook is a tricky lil bitch. i have the app to manage social for a client and every day, at least 2-3 times a day, it sends a push notification telling me i have a new notification. when i open the app to check, there’s nothing. they’re just training me to open the app more.
25 July 2019 : yep! cheaper than netflix!
25 July 2019 : with golf clubs
25 July 2019 : in any case i hope the next time i show up (now with an actual card vs ‘can u search my phone number’) & i get beeped in the front desk person gets a brief movement of levity
25 July 2019 : maybe but they’ve got a bunch of them at the desk should my identity be questioned
25 July 2019 : ““It was a last-minute A/V mistake — and I can’t figure out where the breakdown was — but it was a last minute throw-up, and that’s all it was,” a Turning Point USA spokesman told the Washington Post, adding that he didn't know who was to blame or where the image was from.”
25 July 2019 : “Additionally, instead of "e pluribus unum," the scroll above the eagle appears to say "45 es un titere," which appears to translate from Spanish to mean "45 is a puppet."”
25 July 2019 : lmaoooooo https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2019/07/25/trump-appears-altered-presidential-seal-turning-point-usa-event/1824386001/ pic.twitter.com/3DdCYpqrNs
25 July 2019 : you have me confused with esteemed rapper @DALIA
25 July 2019 : give em the ol razzle dazzle
25 July 2019 : i think i could benefit from a ritalin right about now haha
25 July 2019 : yes the fall was comical not tragic. i gripped the doorframe as i went down and my body just sorta floated to the ground
25 July 2019 : oh fuck how clean did your floor get
25 July 2019 : i have gotten up and made myself coffee! perhaps all is not lost! will def be late for work (and told them about it!)
25 July 2019 : lol shit
25 July 2019 : ya just. def gunna be late for work
25 July 2019 : it feels important for some reason
25 July 2019 : currently convinced these tweets are happening in a dream and not something i’m doing in real life. if i could get up i’d make myself coffee. oh my god am i stoned on zoloft
25 July 2019 : notably i am extremely drowsy and my brain is pretty groggy. my boss asked earlier if i “could rap” (as in chat) and i thought he meant literally rap and i said “lol no”
25 July 2019 : i accidentally took my meds twice today and alongside literally falling down after getting up to pee, for some reason i can’t stop laying like this pic.twitter.com/0xB90eYP3r
25 July 2019 : well, i can’t pic.twitter.com/DabjUU6vWl
25 July 2019 : “are there towels?” “no. but there’s...soap?” love a cheap gym. absolutely love love love it.
25 July 2019 : don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in his zapatos
25 July 2019 : i asked him if the showers are gross & he said “well i’m the one who cleans them....so...... no? i hope?”
25 July 2019 : the front desk guy at the gym let me make my member photo this and then i found out he’s a maintenance guy who was just covering a front desk guy’s lunch break and i was like “that explains it” pic.twitter.com/6mxzxU0Kmr
25 July 2019 : i hear you. i guess i have a more positive association with the wistful request because it’s cousin to my tweets saying “hey editors, i want to write about x”
25 July 2019 : damn go off taylor!!
25 July 2019 : i got a slice of carrot cake earlier that i haven’t eaten. will that suffice?
24 July 2019 : @hulu hop to it!!!!! https://twitter.com/tvmojoe/status/1154151443001008129
24 July 2019 : veautiful
24 July 2019 : twitter do your thing. let’s find a home for season 2!!!!!! https://twitter.com/lisadraws/status/1154150458266570755
24 July 2019 : ugh. thank you for creating something wonderful & valuable for so many of us. let’s get T&B on @hulu !!!
24 July 2019 : that i had a baby, who i abandoned in louisiana to create a fake PR crisis for Yelp. i will never stop laughing about it. https://twitter.com/soapachu/status/1153393287836909568
24 July 2019 : this sounds like a job for @WeAreMel https://twitter.com/louisathelast/status/1154148226913775617
24 July 2019 : that’s the word
24 July 2019 : huh!!
24 July 2019 : what should i write on it
24 July 2019 : so you use it,,, while sitting down?
24 July 2019 : image description: a dollar bill with an ink stamp that reads “Donald J. Trump is an ignoramus, authoritarian, misogynist, demagogue, xenophobe, homophobe, sex offender, racist, charlatan, degenerate, tax cheater, bully, narcissist, bigot, scammer, liar, fraud, & _______”
24 July 2019 : my coworker told me to put this dollar on my twitter so here it is. i have to ask: where does one buy a stamp like this? pic.twitter.com/70CHzON24b
24 July 2019 : 💯💯💯💯💯💯
24 July 2019 : i’m on medicaid! will look into it
24 July 2019 : last time i was on it i think my dosage was too high because i was acutely dehydrated constantly, to the point of waking up and stumbling around like i was drunk.
24 July 2019 : they’re having me do a transv ultrasound (my third!) because they don’t have it in their records. then MAYBE THEN i’ll finally get my hands on some metformin.
24 July 2019 : carry ;) the ;) load ;) pic.twitter.com/B5OoxlZSRx
24 July 2019 : i saw these and was like “oh?! salutés flavor? what’s that?” pic.twitter.com/LEkiKWrHVT
24 July 2019 : yes! just reading “bear his seed” makes me want to jump off a bridge lol i am deeply uninterested in becoming a parent, regardless of whatever bag pregnancy might secure.
24 July 2019 : i avoid sugar & all that. i was on birth control for a sec and the differences were insane (higher voice, femme face, slower hair growth) but the blood pressure change in a hot kitchen sorta amplified the change too much
24 July 2019 : i’m a monster but literally my only response every time i see a screenshot is to double over laughing, i haven’t been able to post about it because i *know* folks would call me insensitive
24 July 2019 : i was with a guy who’d *flush* his condoms & after a few times i was like “can you stop hurting the environment? i’m not gunna try anything.” he still does it, and it still feels like an assumption that i’m not trustworthy/i’d try to glenn close him.
24 July 2019 : i don’t know how that happened but am not complaining! table next to me got only TWO halves and they looked over to my plate like “HUH?”
24 July 2019 : i thought “listening to sad instead of happy” and that itself shook me so hard that by the time i got to “potluck” i had already forgotten what i was reading & couldn’t believe it
24 July 2019 : 67 bpm & 108/78, by the way. a fun journey begins: how to lose weight to alleviate symptoms of PCOS while also having PCOS, which causes weight gain/difficulty losing weight :)))))
24 July 2019 : for the record if i’m going through a breakup and my coworkers find out they need to just slide cash directly into my paypal with no explanation indicated
24 July 2019 : can you IMAGINE
24 July 2019 : oh boy pic.twitter.com/vtahKEJZdq
24 July 2019 : i may get a slice to go to have later but i’m lactose intolerant so it wouldn’t be good to go into work with a tummy full of dairy!
24 July 2019 : that kicker
24 July 2019 : two hours to burn before work means ‘being a mini tourist but sticking close to the subway’ time. i almost went to applebee’s. pic.twitter.com/hV7qJ9G7Ad
24 July 2019 : NOPE NOPE NOPE https://twitter.com/lisafleisher/status/1154076530651389952
24 July 2019 : oh https://twitter.com/extremelysquid/status/1153880634558992384
24 July 2019 : interesting way to signal “we’ll still be here by christmas”
24 July 2019 : i fell asleep waiting to get my vitals checked before my doctors appointment and boy do my vitals look good because of it
24 July 2019 : the guy behind her is signaling to the camera “what’s the wifi password”
24 July 2019 : the girl behind mueller is trying to signal to the camera that her class got stuck in the hearing during their field trip and they’re dying of boredom
24 July 2019 : 😈😈😈
24 July 2019 : when she stood up in the meditation place i had to pause it because i couldn’t stop laughing
24 July 2019 : thoughts?!?!
24 July 2019 : ohhhhhh yes
24 July 2019 : come to NY. we’ll grab a bite at one of my favorite spots, chat casually about life, and then when the bill comes we’ll split it according to what we ordered, and then as we leave and there’s that questioning moment of do we do something else? part ways? i make YOU choose.
24 July 2019 : you have made a fierce enemy today, buddy
24 July 2019 : i almost said “herm” but that felt dicey
24 July 2019 : don’t wanna make any assumptions
24 July 2019 : oh no now i have this knowledge too
24 July 2019 : looking beautiful as ever, my girlfriend!
24 July 2019 : lollll
24 July 2019 : what a dummy. i love them.
24 July 2019 : and with that, it’s bedtime. sweet dreams, y’all!
24 July 2019 : yes but to eat them
24 July 2019 : folks who had kids post-45 boggle my mind
24 July 2019 : better stock up on water purification tablets & whatnot
24 July 2019 : really makes you wonder: what WOULD you do for a klondike bar?
24 July 2019 : imagine paying loans & saving for the future when you can spend that money on ice cream to eat right now before ice cream becomes the currency of the world’s elite
24 July 2019 : parents: ☺️ so when are you gunna give us grandkids? ☺️ me: “The northern part of the world is warming faster than the planet as a whole. A recent study found Earth’s boreal forests are now burning at a rate unseen in at least 10,000 years.”
24 July 2019 : yeah i’m definitely not paying my student loans https://twitter.com/350/status/1153746183015325696
24 July 2019 : damn. hoisted by his own petard.
24 July 2019 : cause of death!
24 July 2019 : zandy this is nuts. any known COD?
24 July 2019 : holy shit
24 July 2019 : i saw US when it first came out and it was what made me realize my now firm belief that horror/thriller is perfect for a theater audience experience, whereas comedy is best watched solo, at home (so you don’t get self-conscious at laughing/not laughing)
24 July 2019 : yoooooooo
24 July 2019 : nvm i found it :)
24 July 2019 : is it streaming?
24 July 2019 : i can’t believe ricky martin made this happen https://twitter.com/joshuapotash/status/1153874575685537792
24 July 2019 : one reviewer said it was incomprehensible & id like to have them watch UNDER THE SILVER LAKE and then check back in with COLOSSAL
24 July 2019 : the only movies worth going to a theater for are special rereleases on 35/70mm OR new horror movies. horror movies thrive with an active audience screaming OH HELL NO at the screen and then tensely laughing together.
24 July 2019 : i only review movies that came out long enough ago that everyone forgot about them but that are streaming because going to the movies is honestly exhaustingly expensive. i’ll let you know what i think about MIDSOMMAR 6-8 months from now.
24 July 2019 : yoikes!
24 July 2019 : despicable
24 July 2019 : also, don’t say yes to things on the assumption that it’s the best you’re going to get. advocate for yourself!
24 July 2019 : a thing i had to learn the hard way is that just because a partner/friend/job is familiar doesn’t mean it’s healthy or a situation that best enables you to thrive. be honest with yourself, inventory your relationships, and take the risk to be happy.
24 July 2019 : COLOSSAL is a very enjoyable movie
24 July 2019 : yikes https://twitter.com/katherinemiller/status/1153841307158306817
24 July 2019 : bottom of the page is the twitter bird logo
24 July 2019 : omfg
24 July 2019 : those smaller companies typically buy ingredients from the bigger companies because they can’t afford the overhead for specialty/local
24 July 2019 : i turn 30 next year and i hope on my birthday i wake up and magically understand what the first tweet says
24 July 2019 : seems they’re all a lot of assholes and it’s better that at least one of them isn’t working in politics anymore
24 July 2019 : the thing is, buying product from large companies is still supporting the same issues that plague other large companies. it’s like buying from target instead of amazon. if you want to be ethical, you have to buy local, and typically local is way too expensive
23 July 2019 : [panic! at the disco voice] trapped! on the toilet
23 July 2019 : i still respect you
23 July 2019 : !!!!!!!!
23 July 2019 : go red
23 July 2019 : the wiki links to an article written in june where arnold is noted to be o’mara’s COS https://www.thestar.co.uk/news/politics/sheffield-mp-jared-omara-misses-key-brexit-vote-because-hes-banned-from-wearing-shorts-and-vest-in-parliament-86945
23 July 2019 : his website links to this twitter account so fair to assume that no, smaller officials may not always be verified.
23 July 2019 : @TacticalGrace_ @Hbomberguy ???????
23 July 2019 : agreed. i like those veggie burgers that have black beans and chia. they use the flavors of the actual ingredients rather than trying to taste like beef.
23 July 2019 : give me a sautéed portobello mushroom over a fake meat patty any day.
23 July 2019 : yes and they bore me
23 July 2019 : i don’t think i need to get into how ethical consumption is impossible unless you’re exclusively consuming local, small farm products & the related economics of veganism and the aggressive whiteness of vegan culture.
23 July 2019 : it’s just gluten & soy! a total scam!
23 July 2019 : i suppose that makes sense. i’ve never craved a burger that a falafel couldn’t fix. i’m not vegan (i am an afforditarian — i eat what i can afford) but it boggles me that so much *can* be mainstream and instead we rest on different iterations of seitan, tofu, and tempeh.
23 July 2019 : thank you for 1 this comment 2 including links that elaborate on the terms you used instead of just dropping em & walking off!
23 July 2019 : seitan is neoliberalism
23 July 2019 : not long ago i cooked up some curry lentils & grilled cherry tomatoes and it was so deeply satisfying while also not sitting heavy
23 July 2019 : but is going veg and learning to seek out seitan as protein really helping much? it’s basically super dense bread. making meat-like stuffs the norm limits general food literacy.
23 July 2019 : have been thinking a lot about that bourdain in denmark episode again, fantasizing about beach mustard and grilled leeks and aged roses
23 July 2019 : plus those meat-type things, if they aren’t made from soybeans they’re made from gluten. a “fried chik’n sandwich” is breaded bread in between two slices of bread.
23 July 2019 : it’s at once a testament to culinary creativity, to make meat-like things from plants, and a sort of marketing cop-out to serve entrees that are exclusively centered on being meat-like, as if consumers can’t bear the thought of enjoying ingredients that don’t look like beef.
23 July 2019 : i like the idea of veganism but i deeply dislike vegan food that attempts to be meat. you’re plants! let yourself be plants!
23 July 2019 : have made a classic talia egg sando with my signature over medium egg that drips delectable goo all over my hands but to shake things up i also added some deli meat to the pan to give it a lil crisp, and now i drift blissfully off into a midday food coma
23 July 2019 : i learned amid my bout of back to back colds that adding a splash of coffee to my water helped curb the despair. it’s not the same, but you get the gist!
23 July 2019 : i don’t care one sniff about either of these chumps. it’s the form of resignation itself that’s the focus here. had sarah huckabee sanders done this to trump i’d still be like WOAH!
23 July 2019 : the gif at the end is a mic drop
23 July 2019 : i did a lil frog stretch for awhile. that was nice. will add leg lifts, bridges, & some classic butterfly stretches to the mix as well.
23 July 2019 : 2018
23 July 2019 : bruhhhhhhhh
23 July 2019 : now THAT is a resignation!!!!! pic.twitter.com/NJtnYsuetj
23 July 2019 : what are some good stretches to open up your hips & strengthen your lower back when you’re a beautiful lil fatty
23 July 2019 : ok so best summary is fatal attraction and anna delvey had a baby and every man they encounter is the father
23 July 2019 : fuck
23 July 2019 : link?
23 July 2019 : making homemade chocolate ice cream to avoid writing is painfully relatable
23 July 2019 : a mouse update is the mouse cages have a little ‘loft’ space that the mice get to by climbing from the normal cage up a tube but the result is they spend all their time in there instead of drinking water so i turned the lil lofts around to force them to hang out in the main cage
23 July 2019 : lol planet fitness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
23 July 2019 : hope today is a lil easier than yesterday 💗
23 July 2019 : oh true true true
23 July 2019 : ✊💩 in doodoo we trust
23 July 2019 : hey andy will you sign my diap
23 July 2019 : remember when the nypd tried to protest by not aggressively over policing and crime dropped significantly? hilarious.
23 July 2019 : EXCITING NEWS: https://twitter.com/nycpba/status/1153392652236312576
23 July 2019 : wow. cat 1 started doing the pre-hairball cough so i got up to pre-emptively clean it up and stepped directly on to a shirt that cat 2 recently peed on, at which point cat 1 stopped hacking. quite the scam.
23 July 2019 : i kno 😢
23 July 2019 : 💯💯💯 one shot included the iconic happy foot/sick foot sign v casually in the background
23 July 2019 : only if you wanna get on medicaid
23 July 2019 : ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
23 July 2019 : updated display to reflect our very real legally binding marriage
23 July 2019 : hell fuckin yeah
23 July 2019 : lmao
23 July 2019 : the real warrant should be for whoever thought it was a good idea to have the young versions of the first wives be voiced over by the older actresses. a total miscarriage of justice.
23 July 2019 : 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
23 July 2019 : i tried watching first wives club without drinking a dry white wine with ice in the glass and now there’s a warrant out for my arrest
23 July 2019 : who knows any more
23 July 2019 : hell yeah
23 July 2019 : hell yeah
23 July 2019 : these character names are really inspiring pic.twitter.com/voe7gpQuk0
23 July 2019 : i think UNDER THE SILVER LAKE made me about 15% more unstable and 95% more empowered to follow through on my weirdest ideas.
23 July 2019 : whoops!
23 July 2019 : i don’t know what this means
23 July 2019 : i’m so happy the waffle wiki is finally getting some attention https://mobile.twitter.com/search?q=from%3A%40itsa_talia%20waffle&src=typed_query https://twitter.com/theavclub/status/1153506287323426818
23 July 2019 : perfect pic.twitter.com/IzBqbHgIXu
23 July 2019 : wild night in rewatching a movie and show episodes i fell asleep watching while cutting up my mouth guard to more specifically meet my orthodontic needs
23 July 2019 : 🙏🙏🙏🙏
23 July 2019 : hello i am in love with you
23 July 2019 : 🙏
23 July 2019 : it’s so good!!! highly recommend
23 July 2019 : oh no am i doing it wrong https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1153441045172170752?s=21
23 July 2019 : right?
23 July 2019 : YEP YEP YEP YEP
23 July 2019 : that’s fair :)
23 July 2019 : finally, the answer i’ve been waiting for. tired of all this fake news disinformation! pic.twitter.com/oFHtba7NPT
23 July 2019 : Wayor Mheat
23 July 2019 : oh. but bobby does all the work!
23 July 2019 : omg this is so sweet?! !!!!
23 July 2019 : which queer eye am i
23 July 2019 : need. updates.
23 July 2019 : wow holy shit
23 July 2019 : true but they sure aren’t working in kitchens during heat waves
23 July 2019 : broooooooo
23 July 2019 : hahahahahaha
23 July 2019 : rest in pieces, warren plan fan
23 July 2019 : wow, nuclear-level take pic.twitter.com/b4CyNQRY47
23 July 2019 : it’s refreshing https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1153441045172170752?s=21
23 July 2019 : come over & watch you’ve got mail w me let’s horny cry together!
23 July 2019 : i think all the al franken discourse is melting my brain
23 July 2019 : these generously buttered purses, sprinkled with just a quarter cup of parsley for color and freshness, are the perfect blank canvas for practically any stew or braise
23 July 2019 : well fuck
23 July 2019 : why did i read this like a name
23 July 2019 : folks worry about the “disappearing middle class” instead of worrying about *where* they’re disappearing to and the folks who’ve been stuck in that politically invisible space, where the system has ensured they will stay through any means possible.
23 July 2019 : i kid but truly am sending you love and strength ❤️✊
23 July 2019 : have you pooped recently?
23 July 2019 : ziplock bag & ipad/kindle!
23 July 2019 : no he got confused & thought “signed a literary agent” = book deal
23 July 2019 : hahahahahahaahhahaha
23 July 2019 : haven’t read it but want to read it + @Sarah_Smarsh ’s HEARTLAND
23 July 2019 : @sammynickalls reminded me of ur ocd tweet
23 July 2019 : i do not deserve a book deal until i figure out how to write a proposal, which will come after i stop freaking out about how it’s pointless because better writers are doing better work than i could ever do
23 July 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️
23 July 2019 : is that why i’m tweeting about being worried about paying my rent and working in a kitchen during a heat wave, because i’m rolling in dough from a book deal?
23 July 2019 : maybe so. i got an agent and i put an extremely rough draft proposal together, but i have not written a full-fledged proposal nor has said phantom proposal been passed around to publishing houses and purchased, which would result in a book deal.
23 July 2019 : hey @kieleraymond did i get a book deal no one’s told me about? https://twitter.com/simonjenkin/status/1153454766690852865
23 July 2019 : i literally don’t
23 July 2019 : same goes for EVICTED. it’s important work that those higher up need to be knowledgeable about, and the author lived among the people whose stories he told, but he never really experienced the struggle for himself & that’s an aspect that, when shared, evokes more change than data
22 July 2019 : i absolutely appreciate it & the work ehrenreich did to light up the conversation re:wages, surviving in capitalism but we’re post-N&D and still publishing the same gimmick as micro versions of what ehrenreich did.
22 July 2019 : i’ve been undercover as a low wage worker for 11 years. gimme a book deal.
22 July 2019 : damn!
22 July 2019 : i read it as wagawaga in a fozzi bear voice
22 July 2019 : have you noticed your resting heart rate change much since starting this?
22 July 2019 : if a pub put out a tweet like “we’re looking for a delivery driver to write about their experiences. you’ll be assigned an editor to help focus the piece and will be appropriately compensated” they’d have even more compelling, deeply nuanced perspectives
22 July 2019 : they can’t find someone because they aren’t bothering to look
22 July 2019 : what does wwg1wga stand for
22 July 2019 : make it mandatory the full year and watch how much would change
22 July 2019 : anyway i don’t think i could ever be staffed anywhere and write on these topics because they come from constantly analyzing my circumstances and lived experience so it wouldn’t be authentic. i’m punk as fuck.
22 July 2019 : but for the record you may he able to contact your city and ask for a recycling bin for your home/building
22 July 2019 : recycling, veganism, eco-friendly commutes, ethical clothing/shopping.
22 July 2019 : these things might be covered, but never with the deeper psychological examination that allows poor folk to see themselves reflected in the analysis.
22 July 2019 : another thing they don’t consider is the intense anxiety and self-doubt that comes when applying for food stamps, how your doctors appointments happen when your doctor says, not when you need them, and how ecologically-friendly alternatives to anything are often prohibitive.
22 July 2019 : the reason my article about financial advice being worthless to poor people hit so hard is because the people writing about financial advice have never been in the situation where it is hilariously useless, so they never considered it.
22 July 2019 : it baffles me that staff writers are being assigned these stories
22 July 2019 : thank u for alerting me to this!
22 July 2019 : one part i vaguely remember is she was buying a birthday gift or going to a birthday thing that was out of the budget but she “had” to do it. little consideration/knowledge that when you’re poor, you don’t do social engagements that cost money.
22 July 2019 : back when i got fired, a journo did a piece attempting to live on my wages. she couldn’t do it. because the framework for her life was set up to be more expensive than the average person’s wages allow.
22 July 2019 : it’s poverty tourism. you’re not *really* living it. you’re going through the motions, guessing what its deeper extents must be like, instead of sitting in it and feeling them hit your core for yourself.
22 July 2019 : one of my biggest pet peeves is journalists who go ‘under cover’ as a low wage worker for a story. you cannot authentically write the deeper aspects of the hustle without it being your main source of income. i appreciate that the coverage is somewhat there, but bastardized. https://twitter.com/djrbtr/status/1153446693511319553
22 July 2019 : “i have pink eye. it’s not contagious. no actually there’s a 2-week incubation period. i’m sorry.” DID HE GIVE HER PINK EYE?
22 July 2019 : tubers & squash-family!
22 July 2019 : between this and resting my feet in curb water during my heatwave shift two days in a row, i’m really going through a nature recharge without sacrificing my love for the concrete jungle. pic.twitter.com/1oIGKVDsgs
22 July 2019 : the rain drops are very big (best kind). i put my arms behind my head like i was stretched out on a hammock. i am the petrichor.
22 July 2019 : rejuvenating. drenched within seconds. i love a summer rain. pic.twitter.com/TKitk0RZ37
22 July 2019 : oh no @mdeancomics
22 July 2019 : tired of waking up, sweaty? :)
22 July 2019 : that’s an admirable if not ill-advised quality to have
22 July 2019 : why
22 July 2019 : once this episode ends imma go stand outside in the rain arms outstretched like shawshank when he gets his redemption
22 July 2019 : there’s this app on your phone where you can check the weather
22 July 2019 : emma
22 July 2019 : $10
22 July 2019 : in sweden they have boxes on the highway that track speed & automatically ticket your car if you’re speeding. the catch? some of the boxes are empty. you don’t know which have cameras.
22 July 2019 : used one of those electric buffers on my feet and now the floor looks like the floor of the world’s grossest bakery. so dope!
22 July 2019 : the good bodega serves pre-mixed iced coffee now. the extra good bodega still doin hot coffee & cups of ice. might have a shake-up in our midst!
22 July 2019 : lol i used waze driving from la to sf & every once in awhile in the dead zones i’d drop police alerts just to keep folks on their toes
22 July 2019 : it won’t fix your constipation but it’ll make your happy trail thick & lush
22 July 2019 : elvis costello
22 July 2019 : lol
22 July 2019 : i am not going to watch this movie unless @ABeautifulDay can confirm that tom hanks weighed 143lbs throughout filming
22 July 2019 : i fear my tom hanks thirst tweets brought this to life https://twitter.com/abeautifulday/status/1153288588794060800
22 July 2019 : oh word!
22 July 2019 : this is hella weird but if you wanna come hang at my apartment, charge devices, sit in the AC, etc i can dm you the info.
22 July 2019 : where at though
22 July 2019 : the funniest song is SHE and my roommate and i fully agree that it should be the end credits song for every movie
22 July 2019 : i’m not endorsing a candidate who has 1 good idea when his base is a lot of white supremacists
22 July 2019 : @DrLawyercop have you seen this shit?
22 July 2019 : oh the intro font for AIRPLANE has me wet pic.twitter.com/Nc2flaPNqj
22 July 2019 : i didn’t even have one tbh i’ve been emo the last few years because i share a birthday with my dad, who i haven’t spoken to in a few years
22 July 2019 : andrew yang isn’t the only one advocating for UBI
22 July 2019 : ✊
22 July 2019 : yikes
22 July 2019 : to date i’m owed $2,025. supposed to file a new piece soon but i’ve instead invested that energy toward picking up line cook shifts because my brain is currently singularly focused on survival. i can’t focus on writing with all these numbers running through my head!
22 July 2019 : the folks who ‘make it’ freelancing are trust fund kids or have secretly wealthy spouses who cover their bills or had the financial advantage of saving thousands in a high-paying field, all of which comes with a starkly different socioeconomic narrative than most people
22 July 2019 : i can’t imagine freelancing full-time because i can’t afford to go 1-2 months without payment. instead i miss out on contributing more because i need to work full time, which delays my ability to grow and establish my skills in the work i want to be doing.
22 July 2019 : i still haven’t paid back all the loans i got to cover my july rent. i’ve been using my credit card to cover everything except automatic bill payments in the hopes of having enough for august rent from the checks i’ve been getting from my line cook jobs.
22 July 2019 : even more intimidating! cool AND kind?! wow!
22 July 2019 : this thread reminded me to email the pubs that still have not paid for work completed in may & june. put DATES on your invoices! and join the @IWWFJU . https://twitter.com/wudanyan/status/1153301789438955520
22 July 2019 : i’m legitimately intimidated
22 July 2019 : oh i still haven’t filed or started that article i was assigned three weeks ago oops
22 July 2019 : do not try having three jobs if you have not previously mastered the art of having two jobs
22 July 2019 : when you need a day off from job 1 to work job 2 but they just released the schedule for job 1 and you’re on it pic.twitter.com/yjGUvkX8eY
22 July 2019 : oh shit he’s a Cool Kid
22 July 2019 : expertly navigating scheduling between my three jobs and multiple doctors appointments like pic.twitter.com/Q3TqFSKNOe
22 July 2019 : 😂😂😂😂 i love this
22 July 2019 : it’s high time for a new album. gotta be happening soon.
22 July 2019 : i just love the ‘old man deeply embedded within his community’ vibes that come with having this kind of rapport with local businesses
22 July 2019 : oh i’ve heard it. i’ve got his album.
22 July 2019 : awwwwww
22 July 2019 : 😩
22 July 2019 : @EmilyGorcenski @NoraReed for the record i disavowed you AGES ago for not coming to my birthday party >:[
22 July 2019 : truuuuuuu
22 July 2019 : fixed it pic.twitter.com/Hj1n76WFHS
22 July 2019 : @dynamofire omg thank you!!! it’s a tumblr with a free theme i tweaked a lil!
22 July 2019 : yeeeeeeeee.
22 July 2019 : alex moffat became a regular after i did not recognize him. he’d walk in, say “hey talia!” and i’d start working on his order, which i knew by heart. about six months after i left he asked my (former) coworkers where i was & they told him writing for NYT, colbert, & a book. lmao.
22 July 2019 : here’s another: andrew garfield came into my work every day during angels in america & i was always too nervous to talk to him but after he won a tony i congratulated him & we talked about how tony kushner & the AIA director are both geniuses.
22 July 2019 : that’s probably how she prefers it
22 July 2019 : i have a name-drop story that only takes one tweet: uma thurman bought $300 worth of pressed juices and vegan snacks from my job and during her spree someone knocked over boxes of kale chips near her so i reached down to pick them up & my face was inches from her famous feet.
22 July 2019 : or however it’s spelled
22 July 2019 : it’s shailene woodley
22 July 2019 : i feel like it really just hit me that trump’s gunna get re-elected
22 July 2019 : fuh
22 July 2019 : 😂😩
22 July 2019 : hard to overshare after that one
22 July 2019 : i recorded myself rubbing my mouth guards together and this is the face i made when i realized going faster made them even more squeaky pic.twitter.com/tbwHRdqE06
22 July 2019 : harlan’s tweet is dogwhistling nationalist propaganda
22 July 2019 : additionally, every country you named teaches english as a second language (typically starting very young) as part of their standard education. download duolingo & learn how to be 2% less of a stupid bloated baby.
22 July 2019 : i appreciate that new veronica mars filmed in hermosa beach. i ate an omelette at the restaurant near where that guy’s head blew up after taking a manic walk along the strand from redondo beach to el segundo and back again in the middle of the night. sweet memories :’)
22 July 2019 : too late
22 July 2019 : if you move to any of those countries, you’ll find plenty of people who speak just enough english to understand your needs as you’re learning the language, and no one will throw a bitch fit because you’re not perfectly fluent in a second language. get over yourself.
22 July 2019 : lmao
22 July 2019 : oh so that’s how you get propaganda through to the masses huh pic.twitter.com/wbd0eIb4kL
22 July 2019 : thank you
21 July 2019 : i got a 6-pack of the mini reds for the crew.
21 July 2019 : oh damn i gotta cop me one of these invites
21 July 2019 : i got a bug bite on the back of my leg and the bodega sold out of yellow gatorade this is the end for me
21 July 2019 : i have four hours left of my shift. i don’t think imma make it. it’s too hot.
21 July 2019 : my quick work break to put my feet in the cool water running along the curb was interrupted but not terminated by bits of trash floating by
21 July 2019 : 😰
21 July 2019 : >:[
21 July 2019 : i am at work, early, sitting outside to acclimate before i spend the rest of the day in a kitchen, feeling like i got run over by a truck. punishment for only drinking three quarts of water yesterday.
21 July 2019 : @ParkerMolloy has
21 July 2019 : truly
21 July 2019 : i just woke up and i look like i got into a fight and lost, badly.
21 July 2019 : thank you! will share some of these points w coworkers tomorrow to make sure we’re all doing okay
21 July 2019 : new veronica mars intro song sounds like when you’re singing the original veronica mars intro song to yourself but you don’t remember all the words
21 July 2019 : expertly adjusting the pillows to ensure maximum air conditioning to the much-beleaguered, oft-ignored underboob
21 July 2019 : oh yes yes yes
21 July 2019 : vera farmiga tho
21 July 2019 : have already forgotten it
21 July 2019 : i fell asleep for part of it
21 July 2019 : i told myself the only way i’d ever watch bohemian rhapsody is if i was on a plane and it was one of the free in-flight movies but then i got on a 4-hour flight where it was a movie option and i chose instead to watch SOURCE CODE (2011)
21 July 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
21 July 2019 : that’s a whole shift that would go unpaid & i can’t really afford to miss out on $87 but good grief it’s HOT!
21 July 2019 : i’m honestly crossing my fingers that tomorrow it’s just too hot to be open because today was stupid busy on top of being miserable. everyone and their mother was like “it’s too hot to cook, let’s go out to eat/order delivery.”
21 July 2019 : lol i’m like does going to the basement to get stuff count as a “rest break”
21 July 2019 : can anyone confirm/elaborate on these OSHA temp guides? does NYC have a max temp limit or specific temps for kitchens? pic.twitter.com/t42yy5M9bo
21 July 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️ so dumb. you have to burn it!
21 July 2019 : i was laying in the grass getting my feet expertly massaged by an actual massage therapist and someone said “the raccoons are here” and i was like “let them come, they’re my friends now.”
21 July 2019 : i went to a birthday party and was rewarded with a foot massage and now i’m just sitting here like 🤤
21 July 2019 : i know 😭
21 July 2019 : i can *taste* the pork belly just thinking about it
21 July 2019 : wow @aremlaoui & @ryeisenberg y’all posted being at daikokuya within a day of each other but neither of you invited me to join
21 July 2019 : the toothbrush or you?
21 July 2019 : it was so hot today my coworker and i left the kitchen to stand in the water rushing along the curb to cool our feet down pic.twitter.com/uSVcTc8z1U
21 July 2019 : @DesiJed
21 July 2019 : i’m off 🙏 back for some more torture tomorrow!
20 July 2019 : we are in brooklyn! pic.twitter.com/Vsv28vj4TS
20 July 2019 : nope
20 July 2019 : hey twitter the water at work is turning a sort of yellowish brown, slightly opaque. no odor. is it just rust in the pipes? health concern? pic.twitter.com/TA2uSZRYOF
20 July 2019 : i stuffed my nose to help cut down on all the capsaicin being released by the jalapeños. it sort of worked but i couldn’t breathe. pic.twitter.com/Nt6DOmpuny
20 July 2019 : and now i am mandolining approx 16qts of jalapeños while my coworker plays ‘shallow’ on repeat hahahahaha am i in hell
20 July 2019 : had to walk to work because the train is down 🤗 pic.twitter.com/OXyvLi61xf
20 July 2019 : no in the end credits not part of the film
20 July 2019 : just once i want the end credits of a show/movie to have that whole “any names/identities are coincidence” say something like “this story is purely fictitious but i 100% named the bad guy after my ex. fuck you, jeremy.”
20 July 2019 : i think my favorite is the first week i lived here a lady asked me to carry her baby up the stairs for her (when i was more generally offering to carry like, the stroller). though that’s not technically an on-the-train story.
20 July 2019 : also very curious to know what company is being contracted to create/install the new doors that make fare evasion easier + the stickers, and how much those companies are donating to deblasio’s presidential run
20 July 2019 : iconic
20 July 2019 : it’s our job to undercut those efforts!
20 July 2019 : that’s a texas-sized 10-4
20 July 2019 : hahaha
20 July 2019 : ✊
20 July 2019 : its SO GOOD
20 July 2019 : fare evasion accounts for something like 1% of MTA revenue. pursuing it is costing millions (something upwards of $40 mil). it’s a ghost, an invented crisis, and it’s our job to encourage fare evasion wherever possible, in every way we can.
20 July 2019 : there goes the love of my life. watch him zoom. https://twitter.com/chucktingle/status/1152439729322729473
20 July 2019 : lmao 😭
20 July 2019 : the subway stop near my work now has a sticker on the emergency exit that says holding it open encourages fare evasion and like i already always exited through it so folks could get through but now when i do it i yell “HELL YEAH IT DOES”
20 July 2019 : edgy!
20 July 2019 : 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
20 July 2019 : i can’t hair has to be covered and it’s a hassle to get back on
20 July 2019 : i had to give up crouching and just let the heat exhaustion take over. gunna be even worse tomorrow! pic.twitter.com/m2BDIEzVFf
20 July 2019 : cute!
20 July 2019 : 😰
20 July 2019 : i have not yet peed but here’s hoping quart #5 does the trick
20 July 2019 : i was told to go sit down and drink some water because my face is “purple.” i’ve drank about four quart containers of water today. pic.twitter.com/gp0jPpSsHv
19 July 2019 : she still has the same bag! but now, she cusses!!!! omg!!!!!
19 July 2019 : “neptune didn’t need another private investigator. it needed an enema.” 🔥🔥🔥🔥
19 July 2019 : oh fuck !!!!!! https://twitter.com/jowrotethis/status/1152303900608696320
19 July 2019 : lol ok ok tom holland can be the gen z tom hanks
19 July 2019 : not as bad as i thought it’d be, but worse than i’d like it to be pic.twitter.com/q3HTLBTERb
19 July 2019 : i was gunna say
19 July 2019 : change your display name to PREORDER ‘TOO MUCH’ NOW
19 July 2019 : it’s days like tomorrow i’m so glad i work in a kitchen surrounded by ovens and a flattop and a fryer and fridges puking hot air all over you
19 July 2019 : good afternoon pic.twitter.com/ODm7NVDtJS
19 July 2019 : no it’s even better
19 July 2019 : would love to know who these companies winning these contracts are & how much they’re donating to whose political career
19 July 2019 : it’s confusing & stupid!
19 July 2019 : i don’t see em at all lol i never update my apps though
19 July 2019 : can u click on it? or hover over it or something??
19 July 2019 : also effective!
19 July 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
19 July 2019 : my guys do a good job making me know they need a trim every ~2 weeks. kenobi likes to knead my face and freddie latches into my tit whenever possible. if i don’t trim, i am in pain.
19 July 2019 : maybe the lil thing on mine means i’ve confirmed my identity?/am a real acct?
19 July 2019 : if your cat doesn’t wake up to that, odds are good you’ve just gotta reassure them they’re safe and you’ll be able to trim away. for awhile freddie had to look away otherwise he’d flip out.
19 July 2019 : i used to talk *so fast* and spending a month in japan i returned much more methodical in how i spoke & what i said.
19 July 2019 : i don’t know!!!!
19 July 2019 : if your cats are impossible to get their nails trimmed all i can tell you is you just have to keep doing it. talk them through it. they learn eventually it’s not something to be scared of. used to have to wrap freddie in a tight towel & force him not to kick/bite, but now? pic.twitter.com/M12mhDynw3
19 July 2019 : and when you *can* understand, but on a translation delay? something peaceful in that.
19 July 2019 : what is the microphone??
19 July 2019 : cats be like *slowly moves paw to clench their claws into your tit for leverage* *gets smacked away* *returns, even more slowly*
19 July 2019 : i legit can’t even fathom who’d think this besides jealous babies. you are amazing and your work is excellent and i’m very glad you exist!
19 July 2019 : @nojuan_especial @MatthewrMoore @samsanders exactly what this is
19 July 2019 : i’m the family dollar version of @ParkerMolloy ’s target
19 July 2019 : ☹️
19 July 2019 : “these are people, but they’re cats, and this is blowing my mind.”
19 July 2019 : it’s coming from a place of love
19 July 2019 : i got you pic.twitter.com/eLN1JG5TAc
19 July 2019 : i don’t know who needs this but here’s cory booker’s brother, cary, as dame judi dench in CATS pic.twitter.com/h1DcQCaDUN
19 July 2019 : prob cuz that’s the sound you make when u snort it?? 😱😱
19 July 2019 : y’all need to fuckin learn what snitchtagging is and stop doing it jfc
19 July 2019 : 😱😱😱😱
19 July 2019 : it’s like seinfeld on coke
19 July 2019 : fucking stunning
19 July 2019 : oh my god they’re satirizing The Social Network. this goth guy who looks/talks like jesse eisenberg even does the ‘if you want to sit on our backs and call yourselves tall’ speech 😂😭😭😭😭
19 July 2019 : omg there’s a website called fartbook where people record audio of their farts omg the guy was setting up his profile 😂😭
19 July 2019 : i’m on like ep2 or 3 and i haven’t caught anyone’s names (i think maybe dairy? daryl?) what is dart
19 July 2019 : lol fully understand why
19 July 2019 : this guy is farting into a computer to record an authentic fart sound
19 July 2019 : imma have to rewatch at least 2x to absorb much
19 July 2019 : i think the only “slow” joke i found was something about how good charlotte isn’t good & the guy said “more like... not...very...good charlotte” and someone said “i liked NOFX” and someone replied “YESFX”
19 July 2019 : i can’t even pull quotes to illustrate how deeply hilarious and bizarre this show is because it moves too fast. it’s just enough for the joke to hit and then it’s off to the next one. absolutely breakneck.
19 July 2019 : it’s hilarious & excruciatingly fast
19 July 2019 : it’s so clearly a ton of comedians writing pure comedy for comedians high on coke instead of for more general audiences
19 July 2019 : the speed of these jokes/dialogue and the sheer amount of content they stuff into everything is stunning and confusing. i cannot watch this show without subtitles and half the time they’re using bizarre slang
19 July 2019 : is that the professor in harry potter
19 July 2019 : which one of you suggested i watch letterkenny? come forward and explain yourself. also explain what the fuck this show is holy shit
19 July 2019 : :’(
19 July 2019 : too old!
19 July 2019 : ooooooooo abbi jacobson!!!!
19 July 2019 : swiss army man :)
19 July 2019 : ooooh yes
19 July 2019 : paul dano isn’t on social media either :)
19 July 2019 : he’ll suffice if paul dano is unavailable for becoming everyone’s favorite dad
19 July 2019 : too conventionally attractive!
19 July 2019 : eeeeeeeesh (also rip gawker)
19 July 2019 : it’s bad i get them confused :(
19 July 2019 : no
19 July 2019 : isn’t he secretly a huge dick? or am i thinking of fred armisen
19 July 2019 : clearly you didn’t see BRIDGE OF SPIES
19 July 2019 : have like none of you seen swiss army man??? it’s an a24 film so you know that means it’s bangin.
19 July 2019 : paul dano broke free
19 July 2019 : 1984
19 July 2019 : 35 years old in that
19 July 2019 : here’s a few hanks flicks over a 5-year period in his early to mid-30s: BIG (1988) PUNCHLINE (1989) TURNER & HOOCH (1989) JOE VS THE VOLCANO (1990) LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN (1992) SLEEPLESS (1993) PHILADELPHIA (1993)
19 July 2019 : but she’s hella hot?
19 July 2019 : absolutely disagree. Tom Hanks was 33 when TURNER & HOOCH came out (1989). millennials (born 1981-1996) are fully within peak Hanks range. https://twitter.com/manicsocratic/status/1152072578283950081
19 July 2019 : lmao omg i just remembered this is what aziz ansari was/is trying to be
19 July 2019 : ooo interesting hmmmm
19 July 2019 : 1969 i already googled it
19 July 2019 : stop suggesting generic hot people! the millennial tom hanks shouldn’t be conventionally attractive (all the chrises). it should be in their *character* and *skill* that you develop a strong desire to get fully dicked down (or dil-downed!) by them, but also you wanna be their pal
19 July 2019 : 😪
19 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/PugA2FgQFg
19 July 2019 : he is absolutely too old
19 July 2019 : sorry, paul dano’s 6’1”.
19 July 2019 : hahahahahahahahahahaha
19 July 2019 : 1. too conventionally attractive 2. don’t snitchtag people on here jfc
19 July 2019 : lol he’s 5’7”. hanks is 6ft. no way.
19 July 2019 : ooo he misses the millennial cutoff by one year. yikes!
19 July 2019 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
19 July 2019 : he’s got that same sort of gentle/safe vibe, has solid comedic sense, simultaneously inoffensive, approachable, and relatable. plus he’s a millennial!
19 July 2019 : nobody’s perfect
19 July 2019 : he’s canceled for being basic.
19 July 2019 : lmao
19 July 2019 : i wanna fuck your cool favorite uncle andi and there’s nothing you can do about it
19 July 2019 : basic
19 July 2019 : you know what ugh fuck i just realized: it’s paul dano. he’s our millennial tom hanks.
19 July 2019 : ya some responses showed i wasn’t clear enough
19 July 2019 : that film *must* have boosted fruit of the loom’s tighty whitey sales
19 July 2019 : he’s generic
19 July 2019 : oh wait is he that lil twink baby?
19 July 2019 : in the age of turner & hooch, absolutely
19 July 2019 : i should clarify: a millennial who embodies the same characteristics & evokes the same emotions as tom hanks did in the 80s/90s that led him to later becoming one of (if not THE) most beloved, well-known, and widely respected figure(s) of the american 21st century.
19 July 2019 : ahhh he was born in 77! doesn’t qualify!
19 July 2019 : is it fuckability or just nostalgia?
19 July 2019 : ☹️
19 July 2019 : 😂
19 July 2019 : here’s me finally going to tell you i love you but before i can start speaking you tell me you just got together with that jerk who you think is everything pic.twitter.com/aCCQd5AEUf
19 July 2019 : thank god
19 July 2019 : but do you want to fuck him?
19 July 2019 : ok ok, i’ll volunteer. jeez.
19 July 2019 : no chris pine is too stereotypical/conventionally attractive
19 July 2019 : thanks for reminding me i gotta check the penguin group see how they’re holding up
19 July 2019 : absolutely not
19 July 2019 : no & no. it’s a delicate combo of comedic precision, boyish charm, empathy, relatability, and strength.
19 July 2019 : is there a millennial tom hanks? do we get one? or do we all just have to share the o.g. tom hanks?
19 July 2019 : very well. what about this one? pic.twitter.com/S3jUFmLjDt
19 July 2019 : have y’all settled from CATS enough to be shown this photo of ron perlman? pic.twitter.com/RQPUe8mgT8
19 July 2019 : oh alan
19 July 2019 : HELL YES IT IS DOGGO TIME FOR YOU
19 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/juh7jzoqht
19 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/W17M7fc3Ev
19 July 2019 : 😂
19 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/9y0CzAdY41
19 July 2019 : sneezed with a mouthful of egg salad :(
18 July 2019 : i fuckin hate this guy 😂😩 pic.twitter.com/R3bPIv0r0T
18 July 2019 : [jason derulo voice] rum tum tu-ugger!
18 July 2019 : disgusting @TheMarkMcClure had the audacity to really say “gotta respect tom hooper” pic.twitter.com/XS4r9kaEnp
18 July 2019 : “meeeeeemoryyyyy, mem-mem-mem-mem-mem-meeeeeemorryyyyyyy, mem-mem-mem-mem-mem-oooooorryyyyyy, me-eh-eh-em-o-ryyyyyy”
18 July 2019 : we played ‘memory’ my freshman year in concert band & thankfully there were no lyrics attached but that just meant when we got the earworm we’d just sing the word ‘memory’ over and over
18 July 2019 : it’s true
18 July 2019 : basically same block of people
18 July 2019 : i can say this as a cis white queer that i immediately saw my 50-year old self enjoying this immensely
18 July 2019 : cats is toy story for 50-year old cis white queers
18 July 2019 : “these are humans, and they’re cats, and this is blowing my mind.” https://twitter.com/working_title/status/1151961098230403072
18 July 2019 : i love to come back to work after being away for a week and everyone comes up to me like “i’m quitting soon” i’m not saying the level of workplace happiness is directly tied to how often i’m there i’m just saying it’s interesting
18 July 2019 : lmaoooo
18 July 2019 : says in the thread it is
18 July 2019 : ✊✊
18 July 2019 : ten minutes early 🤗 pic.twitter.com/npFkIeHfVS
18 July 2019 : i do that on the clock
18 July 2019 : although the last time i did that the whole section i applied for got laid off 😰
18 July 2019 : walking next to a woman who’s on the phone, she walked over a subway vent & her dress flew up and she said to the person she’s on the phone with “i just showed my ass to everyone! i pulled a marilyn monroe!” today is a day for joy in manhattan.
18 July 2019 : i helped a family get to times square in spanish 😍 i couldn’t think of how to explain to take the stairs at 14th st uptown but that’s my platform anyway so i just told them “sigueme” and they were like ‘lol it’s like a personal tour’ ‘hope she’s not getting us lost’
18 July 2019 : i am applying and you should too :) https://twitter.com/caseyjohnston/status/1151316832575467525
18 July 2019 : how much time do folks get?
18 July 2019 : hahahahaha
18 July 2019 : *sweats* pic.twitter.com/L4aUltTvB5
18 July 2019 : i am so good at coping with anxiety i have it on a schedule. i wake up before 1:30pm, have myself some coffee and some tweets. then i lay down and feel anxiety from 1:55 to 2:05. then i feel overwhelmed at impending lateness & get up to shower, heading to work no later than 2:30.
18 July 2019 : this is wild but i love that in the video the guy gets up on his knees and motions at the wall in that classically new york style of “can you believe this fuckin guy?” https://www.instagram.com/p/B0EB5wOAAjL/?igshid=j34r58jqsh7f https://twitter.com/curbedny/status/1151905058382110720
18 July 2019 : this is about the number of favs i used to get in 2011. thanks for indulging my nostalgia!
18 July 2019 : fucking hell
18 July 2019 : CONSUME MY NOSTALGIA, ASSHOLES
18 July 2019 : jusky & i were forged in the same fires and it’s why we’re both wholly content to post whatever the hell we feel like instead of being exclusively Entertaining.
18 July 2019 : no that’s what’s weird. i changed the pw before sharing it
18 July 2019 : (for the record i love buxaroo)
18 July 2019 : 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/uyUZeyWNvh
18 July 2019 : playin wit fire
18 July 2019 : he was like “guess how many followers you had when you followed me” and i was like “a thousand?” no lol
18 July 2019 : i’m crying at this screenshot @juskewitch just sent me 😭 i was such a baby but i already had such good taste 😭😭 my bio was a perfectly wrapped joke before they changed the format pic.twitter.com/A9rDpS2orR
18 July 2019 : “Businesses like these are less the building blocks of community and more like amenities on a stationary cruise ship for the wealthy and uninteresting.” this is so fucking on point. have you read ‘how to kill a city’? it dives into exactly this — and florida!
18 July 2019 : it’s fine
18 July 2019 : i gave my hulu login to a rando because i don’t have friends and i woke up to a security alert from gmail telling me someone got the password to my spam account
18 July 2019 : hey fuck you https://twitter.com/reductress/status/1151899774326587392
18 July 2019 : 💗💗💗💗
18 July 2019 : how he kno w i work tonight pic.twitter.com/MXD9qTlH0q
18 July 2019 : theymightbebucks
18 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/f05BWMWLcO
18 July 2019 : love my fans
18 July 2019 : ❤️
18 July 2019 : check your dms dumbdumb
18 July 2019 : don’t say i never do nothing for you guys pic.twitter.com/fraAJ9fz2Y
18 July 2019 : what are you waiting for?
18 July 2019 : lmao i have my roommate’s amazon login already
18 July 2019 : free healthcare
18 July 2019 : @jereichwrites don’t let the turkeys bring you down ✊️
18 July 2019 : thank you! hoo man it’s bangin. power rippling off of the whole look. goop has ever right to be scared.
18 July 2019 : ya one ways are still showing at least $344. that’s wild
18 July 2019 : urgently need to know where u got that velvet blazer
18 July 2019 : rightfully so. insane it’s so prevalent & legitimately dangerous.
18 July 2019 : select one way see what it says
18 July 2019 : oof
18 July 2019 : that whole “if you don’t like it you can leave” sure comes to a screeching halt when you remember the leaving is way more than you can afford on your wages pic.twitter.com/qlqFTpvugz
18 July 2019 : why do men go on about superiority but tweet dumb shit like this
18 July 2019 : oh no she’s a precious treasure we must protect the foxhavens at all costs pic.twitter.com/0MiiPbtXtf
18 July 2019 : i found his wife’s twitter account and pic.twitter.com/k82xqcaWdS
18 July 2019 : i’m just waiting
18 July 2019 : feathers bisque
18 July 2019 : i caught up on veronica mars 8 days too soon :(
18 July 2019 : creamy feathers
18 July 2019 : the govt employee who sent tupac lyrics to 4300 employees is so ripe for a milkshake duck i can smell the creamy feathers
18 July 2019 : *reads this thread* *looks up flight prices* https://twitter.com/martinvars/status/1151197351647830022
18 July 2019 : why is this stupid shit getting media coverage
18 July 2019 : yes 😩
18 July 2019 : YES
18 July 2019 : what’s it mean when i post an insta story to ‘close friends’ list and it gets zero views don’t tell me i already know 😢😢😢
18 July 2019 : it’s my blood https://twitter.com/41strange/status/1151524137736667136
18 July 2019 : $0 over here!
18 July 2019 : madwick choore
18 July 2019 : i’m on the generic and i’ll bet since scott is on it he’s well aware that it’s the generic name
18 July 2019 : yes they let the soapy water from washing their asses “rinse” their legs & feet. bet they don’t use wash cloths either. just straight up soap on body.
18 July 2019 : before this tweet i used to think of all the people who don’t wash their legs and now i am cursed by yashar
18 July 2019 : every time i wash my legs i think of this @yashar tweet and say a prayer for all the white folks who don’t. https://twitter.com/yashar/status/1145105996832022540
18 July 2019 : looks like nextdoor is the new facebook, rehashing trends twitter already murdered to death three months ago. https://twitter.com/notcapnamerica/status/1151576818006335493
18 July 2019 : rude tbh
18 July 2019 : hahahahahahaha
18 July 2019 : cosign! they say this shit cuz they’re trying to make themselves feel bigger than someone bigger than they’ll ever be. don’t let them take your power.
18 July 2019 : what the fuck
18 July 2019 : prob just a balance issue
18 July 2019 : @LilNasX do a mix with the kidz bop kids
18 July 2019 : ants be like *bites you*
18 July 2019 : omg
18 July 2019 : suck my dick
18 July 2019 : because it can
18 July 2019 : has lil nas done an old town road remix of the kidz bop version of old town road yet https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yYPNrg-s-NI
18 July 2019 : i’m sorry the WHAT now?!
18 July 2019 : @RealSaavedra “oh no the hate speech and vilification i not only encouraged but PROFITTED FROM is leading into dangerous territory!” if anything happens to her or anyone in the squad, know that you, ryan, have that blood on your hands.
18 July 2019 : see u sat 😈
18 July 2019 : me too!!
18 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/JKvG9wnwuf
18 July 2019 : 😢
18 July 2019 : hahahahaha
18 July 2019 : 👏👏👏👏
18 July 2019 : hehe pic.twitter.com/vWDamifkeo
18 July 2019 : excited to burn this candle and in so doing put a curse on the patriarchy 😄 pic.twitter.com/yGVh6RvD2J
18 July 2019 : anyway, if you’ve been coping and are good at it but would rather not have to do that all the time, talk to your doctor, get a script, and start a note on your phone to monitor any fluctuations you & someone close to you (roommate, partner) notice over the first 2-3 weeks 💃
18 July 2019 : hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha
18 July 2019 : thank you baby
18 July 2019 : if i have a question or need advice, i will ask or seek it out clearly. i do not need to be told what to look out for because i already have a running list going. i’m on my path. you stay on yours.
18 July 2019 : i am acutely, precisely aware of what happens in my brain. i have had moments of total lucidity alongside suicidal ideation and understood the immediate need to call a suicide hotline, just to have someone to talk to. i have mothered myself my whole life and know my needs.
18 July 2019 : i am aware of my brain and am monitoring what is happening to it with the expert precision i have developed over several years of experiencing exactly this. thank you, but i have to focus on what’s happening in me, not what might based on what someone else experienced.
18 July 2019 : actually “try harder” is exclusively effective in maintaining a fractured, augmented status quo where unhealthy behaviors become the “norm” and “healthy” becomes an unattainable myth. i’ve only just started on this journey but i sure as hell am not putting up with that bullshit
18 July 2019 : it’s in the nearly 30 years of going through the same exact shit, and slogging through the trail of destruction it leaves behind, that i learned the issue is not one of moral, intellectual, or emotional failure, but a chemical one. “try harder” is ineffective.
18 July 2019 : i didn’t start taking antidepressants (two weeks ago!) bc i’m lazy or haven’t tried whatever you want to suggest. i’ve been coping for almost 30 years. only recently did i let myself let go of the bootstrappy “do it yourself” mentality that significantly hurt my ability to thrive
18 July 2019 : as much as i love that people have been able to cope with their issues via prayer, homoepathics, exercise, etc — i’ve had a legitimate chemical disorder since i was a child. i was told to “just push through.” doing so has cost me dearly. so with all due respect, shut the fuck up.
18 July 2019 : uh oh, big storm coming in. power might go out so better make sure to get the tea candles out & charge your phone & favorite vibrator!
18 July 2019 : oh damn i was hearing “lauryn hill” not “glory hole” lmao
17 July 2019 : alas
17 July 2019 : this app takes a photo of how you looked when you pitched that article and makes it into how you look when you finally get paid for it
17 July 2019 : wow
17 July 2019 : wooooooow
17 July 2019 : donated. sending love & strength to your family 💗
17 July 2019 : lmao thank you? 😂
17 July 2019 : also, shoutout to @yellowcardigan for coining the concept of reply guys
17 July 2019 : i’m afraid that in my pursuit of friendship, i became a collector of reply guys. i accept full responsibility for my reply guys and apologize to anyone i may have hurt by someone else replying to them because of me.
17 July 2019 : hey now that’s my husband you’re cursing
17 July 2019 : more like purrsonal mews pic.twitter.com/i3zYgrPGN9
17 July 2019 : i want lunch updates & funny, introspective anecdotes
17 July 2019 : if it’s personal news, don’t share it on social! celebrate privately, in real life. if it’s professional news, don’t share it on social! i’m fuckin tired of y’all getting hella dope jobs & shit. put it on linkedin & keep it outta my face. https://twitter.com/yashar/status/1151473546075496448
17 July 2019 : does this mean we’re friends 😍😍😍
17 July 2019 : constant mood
17 July 2019 : advanced filters, toggle on “you don’t follow” pic.twitter.com/WdfJDA8zgC
17 July 2019 : tbf i was limited in what i could watch. like, i started watching “joan of arc” because it was a teen show that was inherently religious so i figured they’d let me ogle amber tamblyn as long as i pretended it was because it’s godly
17 July 2019 : i’ll defend it until i die! it’s where i learned about a lot of things
17 July 2019 : probably but i dunno. it’s been a few years.
17 July 2019 : actors were diverse, age-appropriate, most were chubby or gangly, wore braces (until they got them off irl), and had all the typical aspects of being a teen, because the show was about navigating the realities of teen life
17 July 2019 : degrassi wasn’t glitzy!
17 July 2019 : jake tapper got fash-pilled right in front of our faces wow wow wow
17 July 2019 : bro you unironically spoutin some mighty fash talking points lately
17 July 2019 : seriously. imagine kids liking the hills now. absurd
17 July 2019 : anyway idk what those screenshots are from but it reads to me like training HR folks into breaking the fucking law
17 July 2019 : amen
17 July 2019 : the joys of being irrelevant!
17 July 2019 : at-will employment means you can be fired for any reason but *retaliation* is textbook illegal — companies like yelp use at-will employment to obfuscate retaliatory actions. they don’t stop without legal action requiring they more specifically define their employment contracts.
17 July 2019 : i also recently contacted an attorney to find out if there was a case, just out of curiosity, and it’s textbook whistleblowing. which is protected under labor law as concerted activity. i spoke on my experiences, and the qualms & concerns of my coworkers.
17 July 2019 : i didn’t pursue action because i was terrified and alone and i didn’t know i *could* pursue action. i couldn’t even bring myself to look into it until after i’d settled into a new job and started feeling some semblance of stability. by then, the statute had expired.
17 July 2019 : i contacted some folks to look into getting the statute expanded or, ideally, removed entirely. whistleblowers face months to years of reconciling the psychological effects of their actions — i was busy looking for a job and combatting PTSD in the months following my termination.
17 July 2019 : for the record: i fully had a case against yelp. i just didn’t know it until after the statute of limitations for filing a labor violation complaint or lawsuit in CA expired (3mo, 6mo respectively).
17 July 2019 : i learned it from veep tbh
17 July 2019 : hahahahahaha wow. if your HR department is using me as an example of at-will employment, please teach them about protected concerted activity ( https://www.nlrb.gov/rights-we-protect/enforcement-activity/protected-concerted-activity ) and also let them know my paypal is http://paypal.me/taliajane pic.twitter.com/gsqhId31Cz
17 July 2019 : lmaoo 💀
17 July 2019 : lmao
17 July 2019 : i love being dehydrated ☺️
17 July 2019 : every guy i’ve ever hung out with who doesn’t carry a backpack or leviathan: “can you hold my ______”
17 July 2019 : i’m simultaneously like “this is so sweet!” (because in CA you get yelled at for running the sprinklers during the day) and “this is a bureaucratic slog” (because there’s no way they’d show up promptly)
17 July 2019 : to help keep neighborhoods cool, the FDNY will open hydrants & put a spray cap on them for you until it gets dark out or you’re done. or you can just get a monkey wrench & do it yourself! pic.twitter.com/RxxrcT1bVb
17 July 2019 : this thread rejuvenated my soul https://twitter.com/vandroidhelsing/status/1151562625571942400
17 July 2019 : oh god
17 July 2019 : fully get you
17 July 2019 : the CATS movie is beyoncé’s homecoming for white people
17 July 2019 : there’s a kimmy schmidt bit where titus gets cast in cats because he came up on stage and it turns out to be a cult
17 July 2019 : everyone in the CATS cast so clearly got offered too much money to turn it down, except taylor swift who’s doing it for free because she just loves cats so much
17 July 2019 : judi dench, who thought she was free from CATS when she tore her achilles, but is back in the belly of the beast 38 years later pic.twitter.com/NV7nBLL5m3
17 July 2019 : “these are people but they’re cats and this is kind of blowing my mind.” — james corden
17 July 2019 : this sent me https://twitter.com/catsmovie/status/1151506845489479683
17 July 2019 : chewie... we’re home pic.twitter.com/RO3nuJw4wI
17 July 2019 : send me $5 and a note with your handle & i’ll dm u a pic. $10 for the video!! http://paypal.me/taliajane
17 July 2019 : let ‘er rip
17 July 2019 : idk it’s money and they’re money so
17 July 2019 : lol so far 0 people have taken me up on this. the republican who slid into my dms hasn’t responded :(
17 July 2019 : start a 401k
17 July 2019 : AP classes are a scam
17 July 2019 : oof
17 July 2019 : bumping for that afternoon crowd 😂
17 July 2019 : i dunno man, i dunno
17 July 2019 : *sweats*
17 July 2019 : hard to vote for myself when that’s the other option tbh
17 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/6X8qRdGy7U
17 July 2019 : a beautiful metaphor ❤️ here’s hoping!!
17 July 2019 : alright folks, vote for me to be victoria’s gf. i’m up against some *steep* competition. https://twitter.com/radtoria/status/1151552864054996992
17 July 2019 : is this you volunteering?
17 July 2019 : the lack of release kicked my anxiety up so much i feel nauseous
17 July 2019 : lol i did a video too and it’s incredible
17 July 2019 : that one pales in comparison to what i’ve got locked in my camera roll 🔒
17 July 2019 : oof we gotta trim them claws
17 July 2019 : earlier when freddie wouldn’t stop meowing, kenobi ran up and chased him to shut him up. then when kenobi was growling in my arms freddie came up and smacked him on the head lmao
17 July 2019 : kenobi has finally come around pic.twitter.com/LaaaPWSFjE
17 July 2019 : lmao what a great incentive. now you just gotta set up a bunch of paypal accounts with fake names and pay him for pics to encourage him to primp his feet
17 July 2019 : i legit hate feet but when opportunity knocks... hahaha
17 July 2019 : twitter, any info? https://twitter.com/thlshgs/status/1151374354929901569
17 July 2019 : dm me if you wanna see them. mutuals get to see for free🦶
17 July 2019 : well i took the pics, and they’re amazing. just waiting for the paypal notifications. 😂
17 July 2019 : this was a joke but how can i resist a republican begging me for feet pics 😂 pic.twitter.com/YHTsTOfDuy
17 July 2019 : hey @BenSasse cool volunteer alert that’s perfect for you! 👇 https://twitter.com/markmilian/status/1151334652319158272
17 July 2019 : and YOU made my twitter LIFE
17 July 2019 : you a racist little bitch
17 July 2019 : it was peaceful and beautiful ☺️
17 July 2019 : i would’ve loved to have written this (hello! current fast food worker!) but i am glad it exists and that those of us caught in the ~pit of despair~ see that collective action is the only solution. https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/7/6/20681186/fast-food-worker-burnout
17 July 2019 : found em https://instagram.com/jamesfishersmith?igshid=vczq5zne8ji2
17 July 2019 : 💗 i hope you’re doing better!
17 July 2019 : i’ve been enjoying how the disruptive thoughts and general anxiety are so much more prominent right now bc 1 i know how to handle them 2 it confirms exactly why i need the help (they’re not as bad as when they get Really Bad, it’s just more consistent)
17 July 2019 : i’ve now been on zoloft for two full weeks. haha boy i’ll tell ya, learning how to handle anxiety & depression unmedicated my whole life has PRIMED me for identifying, coping with, and understanding the various changes happening in my brain. weeeee!!!! #talkingaboutit
17 July 2019 : yup
17 July 2019 : meanwhile, freddie, pic.twitter.com/11vQw58HC5
17 July 2019 : lmfaoooo
17 July 2019 : 😭😭😩😩
17 July 2019 : i’m finally home and kenobi is PISSED pic.twitter.com/W7GMZ47pO6
17 July 2019 : UPDATE SHE JUST GOT THE JOKE. HUGE LAUGHS. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1151314594234884098
17 July 2019 : it’s worse for your body AND you fart everywhere
17 July 2019 : *dad joke but sad is also applicable
17 July 2019 : i waited a week for the punchline to this sad joke and she didn’t even laugh.
17 July 2019 : before i left for my trip, i told my roommate “i’ll bring you back something from texas.” then on the way home i stopped off here. when i walked into the apartment i said “i got you something from texas!” pic.twitter.com/91qaL7z1O1
17 July 2019 : hahahahaha
17 July 2019 : they fart in the main cabin 😷
17 July 2019 : ✊ solidarity
17 July 2019 : you think something as meaningless as a toilet being in a stall or on a plane instead of my bathroom is going to stop me from wholeheartedly blasting my entire ass into it, you outta your whole damn mind.
17 July 2019 : supposedly cary grant (or was it jimmy stewart?) had a preternatural ability to sleep anywhere. instead of heading to his trailer between shots, he’d just catch a quick nap on set, totally undisturbed. the same goes for me and pooping. pic.twitter.com/luJhlXVYzg
17 July 2019 : you heard me
17 July 2019 : please know that as soon as i got reception i did not immediately post a photo of the big glowing red moon i stared at during descent just minutes earlier, but i did rush to post a photo of me pooping at 30k feet. priorities matter.
17 July 2019 : hey moon are u ok pic.twitter.com/mPojijxFuc
17 July 2019 : thank u @Delta for putting a window in the bathroom so we can gaze out over the beautiful expanse of the world while dropping a mondo shit pic.twitter.com/wSYybgSQWX
16 July 2019 : not a helpful, useful, or necessary addition to the convo, jer!
16 July 2019 : ❤️❤️❤️
16 July 2019 : oh hell yes
16 July 2019 : i opened my wallet and my credit card is full-on sobbing in the corner
16 July 2019 : clarks!
16 July 2019 : congrats, mommy!!
16 July 2019 : chop chop chickadees pic.twitter.com/oteMU32yX7
16 July 2019 : i only have an hour of free wifi on this flight so you better get all those favs and rts in now
16 July 2019 : cathartic & nonviolent, albeit useless
16 July 2019 : hmm pic.twitter.com/pyHQ1osP4Q
16 July 2019 : :((((((
16 July 2019 : the humidifier is the only legit thing in this https://twitter.com/annacafolla/status/1151039236780568576
16 July 2019 : omg! they’re the best! https://www.smuckersuncrustables.com
16 July 2019 : it’s real :(
16 July 2019 : just remembered i forgot to pack my uncrustables 😢 pic.twitter.com/mToNuiyKPi
16 July 2019 : the gravy. so good. chicken broth & rough ground pepper oughta create a fine replica at home!
16 July 2019 : a good way to pack your bags when you’re being extradited back to new york because someone claims you killed brice is just stuffing as much as you can back in where it came from and hoping for the best. i will be vindicated! pic.twitter.com/IRc4m5vCzc
16 July 2019 : its always been like this. you just didn’t notice until babies were dying in federal concentration camps.
16 July 2019 : hahhhaha
16 July 2019 : i think about “the wife of the mind” constantly i just keep it to myself
16 July 2019 : OH NO 👄 pic.twitter.com/5reBYFZSMI
16 July 2019 : oh right, that lil old thing https://twitter.com/ouchcarleigh/status/1151223524431761408
16 July 2019 : 😂
16 July 2019 : why didn’t i get merch and signing deals when i went viral lol would love a line of “entitled millennial” shirts
16 July 2019 : WHO IS THIS GUY’S MANAGER https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1151142207358939138
16 July 2019 : my love @def_not_emma took me to get a pedicure so we can sell feet pics pic.twitter.com/JZ9r42uGMK
16 July 2019 : 💫GIVE💓UP💫 pic.twitter.com/9cYg3JwksB
16 July 2019 : niecy nash !!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/nGBjBHWV6i
16 July 2019 : haha holy shit pic.twitter.com/H9xPIrVQWO
16 July 2019 : just clearing the air: i’m NOT emmy-nominated.
16 July 2019 : wow https://twitter.com/rclnudson/status/1151162050657300481
16 July 2019 : i’ve BEEN doing that. also ahhh!!!! congrats!!!!
16 July 2019 : is it single ;) https://twitter.com/cnn/status/1150983838098710529
16 July 2019 : i can fully see my teen self being confused between “do i want to be her, or date her?” and then eventually realizing “oh, it’s both.”
16 July 2019 : it honestly sounds like he picked up a british accent to hide his speech impediment
16 July 2019 : @MikeDrucker you seen this shit??
16 July 2019 : joan didion, is that you?
16 July 2019 : 💁🏻‍♀️ like you even have to ask!
16 July 2019 : yes pic.twitter.com/qqQUyeaIRc
16 July 2019 : is it bad i wanna buy you one just to force you to wear it in the summer?
16 July 2019 : https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1121960114930499586?s=21
16 July 2019 : haven’t seen it 🙊
16 July 2019 : you know it’s bad when it hurts your sinuses
16 July 2019 : yes but he doesn’t know that
16 July 2019 : veronica mars does such a good job writing overly mature dialogue for teens. i want to roll my eyes but it’s also so aspirational. i wish i could be as witty in real time as these thoroughly-written characters are.
16 July 2019 : open for a hilarious surprise https://twitter.com/jgilliam_seal/status/1150892689438777346
16 July 2019 : wow
16 July 2019 : i told her a knock knock joke pic.twitter.com/aCaVjke1tN
16 July 2019 : or: be messy but not in my mentions!
16 July 2019 : rhyse don’t be messy
16 July 2019 : lol we’ll see about that
16 July 2019 : this is why naomi sanitizes everything she’s going to touch when she boards a plane
16 July 2019 : turns out it’s my 16yo sister who seriously needs an intervention pic.twitter.com/NhoCCRA4PY
16 July 2019 : turns out it was my 16yo sister all along
16 July 2019 : go it solo?
16 July 2019 : ya they’re going bc of you
16 July 2019 : thanks gramma pic.twitter.com/Dli5b3SnI5
16 July 2019 : thank u❣️
16 July 2019 : hard to fall far when you’re already beat
15 July 2019 : it was like “fuck, i dunno, round out those jowls & make her more pink????”
15 July 2019 : i let @deathcab4booty do the old face to me and it just gave me a sunburn lmao pic.twitter.com/UhiJHC9b9f
15 July 2019 : paper straws https://twitter.com/bopinion/status/1150874856772308993
15 July 2019 : was it my unrequited love @savittj
15 July 2019 : dedicated to the bit
15 July 2019 : oh hello there gorgeous!!!
15 July 2019 : bout to teach this puppy how to vape pic.twitter.com/EJsQUciy8V
15 July 2019 : can i audit lol
15 July 2019 : !!!!!!!!!
15 July 2019 : @def_not_emma your pokémon can vape now
15 July 2019 : oh bangin
15 July 2019 : so much plant for so little beet
15 July 2019 : exactly
15 July 2019 : warren & sanders, who have committed to pac-free grassroots fundraising, both raised nearly $20 million. deblasio isn’t getting nearly as many donations but the ones he is getting are comparably massive.
15 July 2019 : he raised $1.1 million. that’s an average of $164.18 per donor, almost six times warren’s average ($28) and nine times sanders’ average ($18). https://twitter.com/juliakmarsh/status/1150890307069894659
15 July 2019 : truly
15 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/8TEFGgz4aa
15 July 2019 : WHAT
15 July 2019 : what the
15 July 2019 : oddly no
15 July 2019 : hahahaha
15 July 2019 : shut the fuuuuuck uuuuuuuuuuuuup
15 July 2019 : ordinarily i’d be so happy
15 July 2019 : i think what did me in was eating three dinners the other night. ramen, ribs, and a burger. so good. so bad.
15 July 2019 : i’ve never yearned for salad more
15 July 2019 : the delivery options are: - cheesy food - fried food - cheesy fried food - cheesy fried food but SPICY
15 July 2019 : my kidneys hurt
15 July 2019 : IT’S HERE!!!!!!!!! xoxo 2019!!!!! pic.twitter.com/OE9uqqZwDR
15 July 2019 : more info on your rights & how to express them with ICE: https://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/immigrants-rights más aquí sobre sus derechos como inmigrante y cómo expresarlos: https://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/derechos-de-los-inmigrantes/ #abolishICE #abolishDHS
15 July 2019 : i have become a hapless achy sack
15 July 2019 : hey jack serious question are you trying to get me killed
15 July 2019 : tenemos derechos. we have rights.
15 July 2019 : lmao “journalist” https://twitter.com/rainsity/status/1150865825819234305
15 July 2019 : i think i’m having sodium overdose. houston do you know about salads.
15 July 2019 : do not open the door. tell them you do not consent to them being there. ask to see a warrant signed by a judge. ask for their *badge numbers* record. everything. https://twitter.com/_sjpeace_/status/1150775092848336896
15 July 2019 : why is 4chan still around honestly
15 July 2019 : it’s terrible and incredibly disturbing but the legion of people working to flood her page with cute, loving photos and take down trolls is astonishing.
15 July 2019 : oops i missed it!
15 July 2019 : cc @TaylorLorenz ?
15 July 2019 : i tried scrolling to see how far back the proactive tagging goes and i couldn’t get further than 12 hours ago, but it’s A LOT. because everything is pink and cute and pretty, it’s easier for folks to find the harmful tags and get accounts suspended.
15 July 2019 : what’s more: trolls have been tagging her in the photos, so thousands and thousands of people have been posting pics of puppies, bunnies, flowers, and lots of soft pinks to “drown out the gore” & working together to report/get tagged posts removed as quickly as possible. https://twitter.com/hayleymiller01/status/1150845128359206913
15 July 2019 : he’s like a dog who sees another dog on the tv and starts barking at it
15 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/6KdM8Ku9Xn
15 July 2019 : get a cat and you will learn their ways
15 July 2019 : by fash
15 July 2019 : chewing counts as exercise https://twitter.com/misslaneym/status/1150074959278067712
15 July 2019 : ❤️❤️❤️
15 July 2019 : can i take these & h/t you to share?
15 July 2019 : unlock so i can rt
15 July 2019 : 👋
15 July 2019 : RT @def_not_emma: oh nooo my kink and one of the people i trust completely what a nightmare noo https://t.co/vY2Yr8QcKj
15 July 2019 : lmaooooooo
15 July 2019 : lmao 😂😂😂😩😩😩
15 July 2019 : 🙌🙌🙌
15 July 2019 : it’s so good
15 July 2019 : i saw it in theater i’m just hyped it’s available on streaming
15 July 2019 : i gasped pic.twitter.com/fUQQDWIajj
15 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/7C52r4y4hA
15 July 2019 : got The Walk in around 4:30 this morning. it was just me, the bugs, and a horizon full of lightning. pic.twitter.com/oH0NiN8On2
15 July 2019 : it’s not a real vacation if i don’t take a long, pensive walk in the middle of the night and befriend hordes of stray animals
15 July 2019 : another one sitting at the sink asking me to turn on the faucet. the cats know i’m an easy mark. pic.twitter.com/jOLdySDMBu
15 July 2019 : hell yeah
15 July 2019 : and then pic.twitter.com/r17hFVdIMF
15 July 2019 : she went “seriously?” pic.twitter.com/ZgmI3a51oB
15 July 2019 : her face as soon as i make the joke is so real pic.twitter.com/Xlknyq0at3
15 July 2019 : i’m looking. usually they need you to bring the animal in, which is the main problem
15 July 2019 : my friend feeds them, and the one with the fluffy tail seems to be a housecat who’s hanging with ferals.
15 July 2019 : anyone know of any no kill cat rescues in houston who could come pick up? https://twitter.com/bernieupstateny/status/1150593087539941376
15 July 2019 : another one just appeared on the roof pic.twitter.com/zdADvA6TAa
15 July 2019 : nope, just feral!
15 July 2019 : nope, just buff paws. lot of fighting/climbing/hunting happening = chunky feet
15 July 2019 : lmao i felt like i got run up by a cat gang
15 July 2019 : he’s not very photogenic but he’s very social & friendly. he’s got some fighting scabs & enormous paws, which seems pretty common in feral cats. pic.twitter.com/lQA9zSkbBN
15 July 2019 : this one cat came up to me meowing a ton so i started petting it and then three more showed up pic.twitter.com/CYjgdnIph5
15 July 2019 : 😇
15 July 2019 : imagine charles dickens trying to sell a book in 2019. he doesn’t even tweet!
15 July 2019 : i just held a lizard. it was like holding a bumpy chicken breast with toenails.
15 July 2019 : you hit the jackpot fr fr
15 July 2019 : get on that bart, malcolm!!!!
15 July 2019 : it’s fully legal to smoke/consume/whatever you just can’t carry like a pipe or similar ‘paraphernalia’
15 July 2019 : yes
15 July 2019 : omg hang out! hang out! hang out!
15 July 2019 : suck a dick, miller
15 July 2019 : RT @LuxAlptraum: If you’re not watching Los Espookys you are missing out
15 July 2019 : if they make you follow them too and you can’t get out of it (i seriously fucking hate exchanging social handles because HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF IT WITHOUT CAUSING PROBLEMS???) do it and then block em for real cuz they’re trash
15 July 2019 : it’s unclear where the reports that van sporsen identified as a woman are coming from. he says in the ‘manifesto’ “i am a man”
15 July 2019 : how to give your instagram/twitter to someone you just met and don’t want following you: - take their phone to type it in - don’t hit ‘return’ to load searches, just tap your username as it appears - hit follow - exit the search screen on their phone - softblock em on your phone
15 July 2019 : this dude stays on the cutting edge of political commentary & observation pic.twitter.com/tFBXIUs87Z
14 July 2019 : got u pic.twitter.com/zZW4ClZ8zN
14 July 2019 : damn
14 July 2019 : does “my mom wrote my name on my underwear and lunchbox” count
14 July 2019 : i’ve been told i extremely misspelled pistoleros and tbh, fair
14 July 2019 : i now understand why people come to visit nyc and get surprised when they get drunk on 2 drinks. it’s like folks who smoke a lot of weed in new jersey thinking they can handle a california blunt.
14 July 2019 : the last drink was the only one that wasn’t extremely watered down. i don’t think i got further than buzzed the whole night. but today is a day of digestion.
14 July 2019 : last night i ate ramen, got drinks at pisteroles, poison girl, lola’s, crocker bar, then i ate ribs, had a drink at jr’s, and got a burger from the burger joint. today i’m doing this pic.twitter.com/Ld5Og4fyIS
14 July 2019 : but you don’t know cuz you’re a total fuckin idiot
14 July 2019 : lemonade taught him
14 July 2019 : likely miller
14 July 2019 : this is important not bc it removes trump from racism (he’s a white supremacist, y’all) but because it implicates his entire staff & administration as openly working for and enacting racist policies and modes of thought. it’s not one guy at the top. it’s racists all the way down.
14 July 2019 : my first thought too
14 July 2019 : 😂
14 July 2019 : (because they’re coherent & that dude never says “from which they came”)
14 July 2019 : it’s definitely the gentlest kind you could find
14 July 2019 : (whispering) there’s a high likelihood those trump tweets weren’t written by trump.
14 July 2019 : i’ve been politely dodging the suggestions but i might break soon and be like LISTEN.
14 July 2019 : everyone in houston keeps telling me to try different pizza places and i don’t know how to tell them how hateful they’re being
14 July 2019 : my idea of edging is turning off the AC until i’m on the brink of heatstroke
14 July 2019 : an antifascist activist was killed by police early this morning while attempting to destroy vehicles & a fuel tank used by ICE to round people up, at a ICE detention center in tacoma
14 July 2019 : jk it’s not
14 July 2019 : it says there’s an audio version at http://thesuper8.bandcamp.com
14 July 2019 : vote for me to be victoria’s girlfriend 🙏🙏🙏🙏 https://twitter.com/radtoria/status/1150482177907236864
14 July 2019 : this fuckin slaps https://twitter.com/jackposobiec/status/1150458903290929156
14 July 2019 : hell yeah doggo time
14 July 2019 : yeah just annoyed & on edge
14 July 2019 : no he was just shitfaced
14 July 2019 : i think tues!
14 July 2019 : he made it clear during the drive that he was creepy but the only logical place for me to get out that wouldn’t be the real address would be where the numbers were swapped — right across the street. made friends with a soft pitbull, but through non-ideal means.
14 July 2019 : pretended: - to walk into the house across the street with dogs tied up out front - i couldn’t find my keys - to walk to the back to get in through the fence because the creepy lyft driver kept watching/adjusted to get a better view/made a u-turn & parked to watch me :)
14 July 2019 : hit it ☺️ pic.twitter.com/MeSUSIA48S
14 July 2019 : we bitch pic.twitter.com/wdxOFQktmm
14 July 2019 : aww thank you!! we should be groovy 💃 enjoy this lightning storm!
14 July 2019 : rest in power ✊
14 July 2019 : oh boy
14 July 2019 : Every Cishet Man Is A Policy Failure
14 July 2019 : lyfts home are stupid expensive right now so we hittin the joint pic.twitter.com/ncZ4EPhjkf
14 July 2019 : a full experience!
14 July 2019 : we got some (fucking amaaaaazing) ribs and while we ate them the cook’s son called to say he won a racing medal and we all congratulated him on facetime pic.twitter.com/UuiflW4Mei
14 July 2019 : RIGHT?!
14 July 2019 : he took a pic with me and kissed my cheek and tongued my cheek during the kiss and you can tell exactly when it happened pic.twitter.com/dhKjYIUnPO
14 July 2019 : A GAL AT THE BAR SAID SHE NEEDED TO GO HOME TO TAKE A SHIT AND AFTER SOME BACK AND FORTH MY FRIEND AIRDROPPED HER THIS FOR USE LATER https://link.medium.com/qUckTsk9iY pic.twitter.com/0r2xSdI6Ux
14 July 2019 : he came back over to us and i was like “what are you doing. go hang out with your buddy!” and he said “why do you hate me?!” and i said “because you’re ugly and repulsive!” he won’t remember i said that. shame he’s such a sleazy drunken mess. he really is cute :(
14 July 2019 : lol she wishes
14 July 2019 : i patted his arm and in a mom voice i said “no” his sunglasses were knockoff ray bans
14 July 2019 : a guy named nixon i’ve been negging all night forgot his sunglasses near me so i went to give them to him and he asked me if we were going to hook up and he did so by asking “so are we gunna-“ and then he moved his tongue around his mouth in a weird fake makeout move
14 July 2019 : rest in power ✊ https://twitter.com/jake_hanrahan/status/1150202427452383233
14 July 2019 : YIKES
14 July 2019 : i know this is controversial but i need to come clean: pic.twitter.com/1H42LeFZM6
14 July 2019 : hey scarjo, you SHOULD play a tree...... and leave! 😎😎😎 https://twitter.com/thr/status/1150216295398465536
14 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/wfk5B54blM
14 July 2019 : my car was broken into once (they didn’t take anything bc there was nothing to take, but they sure checked). the only clue was some minor damage around the driver’s side keyhole.
14 July 2019 : screwdriver in the keyhole. check around that for damage. otherwise, coat hanger in the window can jimmy a door unlocked
14 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/kkBBNnT4Me
14 July 2019 : ahaahahhahshahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaha
14 July 2019 : 😰
14 July 2019 : tough day pic.twitter.com/Ml2WWMBBmv
14 July 2019 : she looks like the principal in matilda
14 July 2019 : wobblies... send me tattoo ideas 😈
14 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/IsmKsGZamP
14 July 2019 : and tajin!!!
14 July 2019 : scarjo has repeatedly proven herself to be extremely stupid. no amount of rightfully scolding her improves this. just stop supporting her work.
13 July 2019 : woah pic.twitter.com/MFBwqR3d9X
13 July 2019 : i get dressed before checking the weather and i suffer for it constantly. but on the rare occasion my outfit doesn’t leave me regretting my whole life and i manage to dress for the weather — it feels like i’m suckling the teat of god.
13 July 2019 : oh my god
13 July 2019 : rest in power, @figue32bj ✊ #1u
13 July 2019 : or “young people are bad and old people are good”
13 July 2019 : lol i’ll have to check it out
13 July 2019 : “the boss said (calmly)” lmao
13 July 2019 : @esmewang hey person i rarely if ever talk to please promote my thing, which is of full benefit to me and none to you
13 July 2019 : lol no i’m staying in a home with two dogs & two cats
13 July 2019 : sounds fake as hell but u do u
13 July 2019 : no im not! you endorsed the joke & are the only one to do so, and i celebrate it!
13 July 2019 : have finally acquired the much-coveted steve endorsement 🙏🙏🙏🙏 https://twitter.com/therealstevegle/status/1150065494285672448
13 July 2019 : thanks steve
13 July 2019 : a litmus test for aging millennials who are too tired and grumpy to remember what being 22 was like
13 July 2019 : never trust a thread that ends with some form of “in conclusion: workers are idiots and bosses are good”
13 July 2019 : it was questionable with just the idea of an editor/boss going over a typo *out loud* in the middle of a shared workspace? “oh but the boss was so patient! a hero!” no she wasn’t she sounds like a piece of shit
13 July 2019 : he learn PR from kevin spacey?
13 July 2019 : every ICE agent is a bastard
13 July 2019 : he frollick pic.twitter.com/OtZ9XWVrEO
13 July 2019 : he leap pic.twitter.com/J1zBkBf9k6
13 July 2019 : lazy editor?
13 July 2019 : tenemos derechos ✊
13 July 2019 : happy belated anniversary to this pic of freddie high as a kite on kitty prozac pic.twitter.com/DFvNGy0g59
13 July 2019 : emergen-c preflight & lots of fluids during/after. feel better!!!
13 July 2019 : its for the stockbrokers
13 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/WjxXMYjuz6
13 July 2019 : good morning. pic.twitter.com/vFvOrve98q
13 July 2019 : it’s like that long scene in jerry lewis’s ‘the bellboy’ where he walks from one side of a room to another and it takes forever
13 July 2019 : ketchup + sour cream
13 July 2019 : i kinda hate that it settles on “this happened because millennials are stupid/poorly trained and bosses are good.”
13 July 2019 : they’re pretty damn salty!
13 July 2019 : i agree
13 July 2019 : shadowbanned pic.twitter.com/uZzDYZ2oGK
13 July 2019 : so anyway pic.twitter.com/Yu2v3zlDh8
13 July 2019 : woah!
13 July 2019 : congrats pic.twitter.com/yuxHpBkbTy
13 July 2019 : surprised the ratio is so low tbh pic.twitter.com/Nvz64IktqN
13 July 2019 : welp pic.twitter.com/rtXo5dnUKC
13 July 2019 : eat shit, bitch.
13 July 2019 : dinty moore’s beef stew, frozen corn dogs with molten hot cheese in it, and the frozen burritos from food 4 less that were like 50 cents each.
13 July 2019 : don’t forget to tip your servers!
13 July 2019 : good on you for inquiring/sticking around.
13 July 2019 : who are YOU and why are you incapable of talking about literally dozens of way more pressing issues? grow the fuck up.
13 July 2019 : like they added them after cooking the dough, which also looks like shit
13 July 2019 : what a waste of what could’ve been a brilliant grift
13 July 2019 : these pizzas all look like shit?
13 July 2019 : obviously
13 July 2019 : OMG
13 July 2019 : i’ll be here all night!
13 July 2019 : these texas mosquitos just bit different
13 July 2019 : always how it goes
13 July 2019 : i knew today was gunna be a big pooping day. i said so as soon as i woke up. i said “today’s gunna be a big poop day” and sure enough, it was.
13 July 2019 : is this thing on
13 July 2019 : (duke)
13 July 2019 : “i’m a divorced 11-year old cop, cosplaying as... someone who still knows what happiness is.”
13 July 2019 : the replies are telling me i need to be a divorced 11-year old cop who cosplays and lipsyncs.
13 July 2019 : hmmm
13 July 2019 : i can do that
13 July 2019 : oh
13 July 2019 : how do i get tiktok famous
13 July 2019 : can i ask you first for help choosing the right USB cable
13 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/XFvqH6tnWx
13 July 2019 : play wrestling with a dog is a lot more fun when you’re the heel
13 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/ahxHhytuCn
13 July 2019 : oh lmao there you go!
13 July 2019 : mmmmhmmmmm
13 July 2019 : 😰 https://twitter.com/tastyjapan/status/1149567447265005569?s=21
13 July 2019 : it’s gunna be ok bc u got me on the horizon 🌈
13 July 2019 : easy fix! just have tapeworm dewormer pills on hand (available at pet shops).
13 July 2019 : yep, it’s just flies. they carry their eggs w em or something like that.
13 July 2019 : yep, happened to my guy twice. keep these on hand. you’ll notice if she’s got maggots coming outta her butt :( but luckily easy fix! https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/cat/cat-health-and-wellness/wormers-for-cats/bayer-tapeworm-dewormer-tablets-for-cats
13 July 2019 : cats can get worms from eating flies
13 July 2019 : tfw your life flashes before ur eyes & ur response is to cackle pic.twitter.com/KqUS69CdFM
13 July 2019 : when he leans like this while his mom is telling him “don’t call me bro” pic.twitter.com/V4GnJfclfo
12 July 2019 : you wish
12 July 2019 : the bagel boss guy is NOT a short king.
12 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/1dQVFqrquD
12 July 2019 : i think so!
12 July 2019 : the cashier asked if i wanted a bag or if i “want to just...put it back in there”
12 July 2019 : a relaxing space
12 July 2019 : this is an overalls flex pic.twitter.com/A4EUBbHHaK
12 July 2019 : kudos to @def_not_emma for my next album cover pic.twitter.com/AffHSF8w3F
12 July 2019 : it makes a lot of sense that the first massive shit i’ve had to take since getting to texas happened inside an oddities shop next to a mannequin of a small child. the rectum knows when it’s home. that GPS is strong (Good Place to Shit).
12 July 2019 : don’t talk to me or my son or my son or my toilet son or my wife and son ever again!!!!! pic.twitter.com/UAveF1sMWz
12 July 2019 : lmao emma drove me to this random house saying it’s beyoncé’s childhood home. it’s... not. yay tourism! pic.twitter.com/Gvtf1s9PAN
12 July 2019 : wow @def_not_emma is a bad driver pic.twitter.com/pm9tuUBy96
12 July 2019 : $taliajane
12 July 2019 : are you sure about that
12 July 2019 : it’s kind to assume you’ll still have hair
12 July 2019 : i did grab from his mouth some cellophane but truthfully it wasn’t out of interest for his health. the sound of him chewing on it is annoying.
12 July 2019 : i’m not interrupting my morning sit & drink coffee cynically to get up and chase a puppy for a bit of fluff
12 July 2019 : 💗
12 July 2019 : digestive impact of pillow filling in dogs is just fluffy poop
12 July 2019 : you’ll come around to see what i see. in the meantime, keep creating joy for those around you.
12 July 2019 : this puppy is eating something he knows he shouldn’t, looking at me waiting for me to get up and take it from him. you go ahead and learn the hard way why you shouldn’t eat pillow filling, buddy.
12 July 2019 : @DALIA
12 July 2019 : but also you’re a saint
12 July 2019 : it even left a calling card pic.twitter.com/980vEzq2p7
12 July 2019 : it was the cheetos sandwich https://twitter.com/wxii/status/1149689629328707584
12 July 2019 : i see you pic.twitter.com/wg1WtOtJZi
12 July 2019 : also they were the only POC in the entire movie (at least the only ones with lines, but i don’t think there were any besides them in general) and they were a racist caricature.
12 July 2019 : the brother who gets called the r word constantly, the “stereotypical asian” family (who are the only POC in the movie with lines, maybe even entirely!). those stuck out.
12 July 2019 : the family who adopted an american girl is a lazily racist stereotype of asian (was their nationality even specified?) people, and the explanation for why they needed to adopt her makes little, if any, logical sense.
12 July 2019 : to be clear: the movie is iconic and a lot of the comedy is so clever. but the character with a vague mental disability who is almost exclusively referred to with the r word & is the butt of a lot of jokes is wholly unnecessary. he exists to laugh at a cruel stereotype.
12 July 2019 : in that case i’d set a daily alarm reminder
12 July 2019 : drop dead gorgeous is on hulu and it did NOT age well
12 July 2019 : i’ve found taking them before bed is way easier than first thing in the morning. it’s sort of like remembering to turn the lights off.
12 July 2019 : well do ghey?
12 July 2019 : credit is cropped on a bunch of these. they’re all by @andhikamuksin , whose instagram is a DELIGHT https://instagram.com/andhikamuksin?igshid=1hztx0oy0r34s https://twitter.com/lovealways_tee/status/1148806632354148352
12 July 2019 : these cases happening alongside each other are gunna make the racial disparity in how our justice system “works” clear as day.
12 July 2019 : bang bang
12 July 2019 : i spoke too soon https://twitter.com/nbcchicago/status/1149518960968130560?s=21
12 July 2019 : 🙌🙌🙌
12 July 2019 : best headline https://twitter.com/theavclub/status/1149523803833135110
12 July 2019 : i’m good
11 July 2019 : 😬😬😬
11 July 2019 : wow, twice in one day. imagine being so lucky.
11 July 2019 : this piece is great https://www.latimes.com/food/sewer-salmon-and-the-secrets-of-the-l-a-river-story.html
11 July 2019 : date: so what are your hobbies? me: pic.twitter.com/eNPgrkS529
11 July 2019 : “woah” lmao same sis!!!!!
11 July 2019 : c’est un tragedie
11 July 2019 : lol we are southeast
11 July 2019 : are y’all on the east side?
11 July 2019 : that’s the joke!
11 July 2019 : twitter goes down more than my boyfriend 😔
11 July 2019 : I Survived The Twitter Outage Of 2019 And All I Got Was This Lousy Instastory pic.twitter.com/9sTInokZNI
11 July 2019 : yee
11 July 2019 : thank you!!!! 💗💗💗💗💗
11 July 2019 : my dying words will be “i fuckin told you so”
11 July 2019 : you: it’s irrational to deep clean and organize your apartment in case you die while traveling! me: [in houston for the first hurricane of the season, which is heading directly towards houston] i really hate being right all the time.
11 July 2019 : washing my face to the tune of a bugler playing taps as i say goodbye to a rare and precious good eyebrow day.
11 July 2019 : always a tragedy to end a night before your eyebrows are ready to call it quits pic.twitter.com/WIrK69OmIW
11 July 2019 : i only did one song but i sang along to a ton of them and now my voice is even more lost than it was when i had bronchitis pic.twitter.com/kLUHsu4dFp
11 July 2019 : “it’s ya birthday” is only fun for the first two lyrics and then after that it’s just saying the same thing over and over. “hotel california” has a huge musical break.
11 July 2019 : i did last night! pic.twitter.com/YjoeiULCk1
11 July 2019 : the fatal flaw of karaoke is that the point should be: pick singalong jams everyone can enjoy regardless of how well you can sing (and commit to the FUN of it, not vocal ability!) but everyone picks songs they know they can sing hella good OR they wimp out halfway through it.
11 July 2019 : it’s karaoke time pic.twitter.com/njID90J1ol
11 July 2019 : TELL EM LISA
11 July 2019 : i’ve never seen NFG perform but this dude is a really, really, really good frontman. he performed *22* songs tonight and his voice stayed way up there, on key, harmonizing & shit like it was nothing. plus they threw fresh, free popcorn into the crowd.
11 July 2019 : here’s a vid of a guy crowdsurfing during new found glory performing “let it go” from frozen pic.twitter.com/QN6No8PnUL
11 July 2019 : power of love from back to the future, plus crowdsurfing pic.twitter.com/1UP1d5aNF3
11 July 2019 : the video i took shakes for the first 30 seconds cuz i couldn’t stop laughing. someone crowdsurfed!!!
11 July 2019 : they did Let It Go and- pic.twitter.com/2GgWf7iyOm
11 July 2019 : this counts as hurricane prep pic.twitter.com/x141lyaYDH
11 July 2019 : nyc & houston are preeeeetty even for humidity btw! guess which is which! pic.twitter.com/CGWGw67oa5
11 July 2019 : 😬 all glory to our capitalist masters 😬 https://twitter.com/joeberkowitz/status/1149132363311603712
11 July 2019 : lol i like it but apparently y’all think it’s as bad as a giant wig falling down my forehead or something 😉
11 July 2019 : pain? no no honey add mousse and embrace the chaos!
11 July 2019 : even my hair is bigger in texas pic.twitter.com/O99QafT9mi
11 July 2019 : i was suspicious i didn’t see you
11 July 2019 : @DesiJed i thought you swore off del taco?
10 July 2019 : lemme just pop on four knockoff severus snape wigs before snapping a quick selfie
10 July 2019 : last night i saw a sign on the highway saying “hurricane season is here” and i realized “ohhhhhhh so THAT’S why my flight was so cheap.”
10 July 2019 : wow i love that
10 July 2019 : you’ve all been very patient in this matter and i want to honor that by confirming i have seen the bagel boss video and will be releasing a statement following a full investigation.
10 July 2019 : open them!
10 July 2019 : guess which one took a dump the size of the other one’s head pic.twitter.com/CdIQf96nPG
10 July 2019 : 😭😭😭😭 https://twitter.com/def_not_emma/status/1149058739577806850
10 July 2019 : hell yeah!!!!!
10 July 2019 : hahahahaha
10 July 2019 : too bad. we have chosen. this is punishment for your indecisiveness.
10 July 2019 : of course you do
10 July 2019 : i communed with the animal name gods and they told me this puppy’s name is steve guttenberg. the similarity is obvious. pic.twitter.com/48X5RNoN17
10 July 2019 : bitches be like “i slept 3 hours in the last 48” pic.twitter.com/QPGrERsrPP
10 July 2019 : “it do be like that sometimes” fading quietly into the past of internet ephemera: it do be like that sometimes
10 July 2019 : lmao @def_not_emma got too drunk & doesn’t remember my set, or that she recorded it, or that she took this cute pic of me pic.twitter.com/iTH5k5Pxh5
10 July 2019 : facts!!!
10 July 2019 : i was told she’s not very social pic.twitter.com/C2AXTpamAp
10 July 2019 : i can’t sleep so i’m sitting on the floor where my phone is charging. a friend has come to join me. pic.twitter.com/qDNxN8dRLf
10 July 2019 : i told him we were bonded on a comic level (total bullshit)
10 July 2019 : lol no he leaned over to talk to me during someone else’s set
10 July 2019 : well yeah i was focused on my set
10 July 2019 : what’s weird is he didn’t have it when he got up. it developed during his set.
10 July 2019 : a comic asked me if he and i had “weird sexual tension” and i did an A+ job dodging that nonsense
10 July 2019 : the audience was vaping! i did 7 minutes in a 3 minute mic cuz they didn’t bother giving me the light! houston don’t give a fuck!
10 July 2019 : @DALIA i found your people!
10 July 2019 : another comic wore shorts! the whole houston comedy scene don’t give a damn!
10 July 2019 : sorry a comic at this show decided to wear thin sweatpants
10 July 2019 : CHUB ALERT
10 July 2019 : ross perot died as soon as i landed in texas. you’re welcome!
10 July 2019 : WHAT
10 July 2019 : i’m having barbacoa tacos at neil’s!
10 July 2019 : idk what eado means but i’m hopeful to be eatin well soon!!
10 July 2019 : HANYWAY pic.twitter.com/wDdcFukUO4
10 July 2019 : that’s mrs. greej if ya nasty
10 July 2019 : i was so tired earlier. i made a weird joke about a street sign named ‘fannin’ & then called it a ‘sign pun,’ which is different from seinfeld, which is a show about signs that have fallen over. then i saw a sign that fell over, said “look! a seinfeld!” and took a pic? pic.twitter.com/KednYyBvdR
9 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/XVXNajLyEC
9 July 2019 : got my damn wife pic.twitter.com/56dY30gX5O
9 July 2019 : i didn’t fart ONCE during my full body massage but i did recommend the masseuse read @gabydunn ’s bad with money and discussed how reaganomics led to our current mental health & homelessness crises. so!
9 July 2019 : facialized. pic.twitter.com/bGMyZD3n0c
9 July 2019 : for filing purposes i’ll circle my own butt & say it out loud so there’s no paper trail of getting my butt rubbed
9 July 2019 : vote for me to be @radtoria ’s boyfriend https://twitter.com/radtoria/status/1148643320517685248
9 July 2019 : “spa” is just an abbreviation.... for spaceship. pic.twitter.com/zh7opalwtc
9 July 2019 : that’s legit so adorable
9 July 2019 : spill it
9 July 2019 : how’s it going for them now
9 July 2019 : i fake cried at my dad’s wedding and no one thought it was funny
9 July 2019 : oh i’m sure the stepmom thought it was hilarious
9 July 2019 : this is a weird, needlessly hostile convo and i would love and appreciate being untagged!
9 July 2019 : lmfao
9 July 2019 : i left em all blank hunnyyyyyy 🤪🤪🤪 pic.twitter.com/fSnIrABJ1Q
9 July 2019 : i’m in a spa pic.twitter.com/9MtAGKGEJX
9 July 2019 : traffic here is fine y’all just don’t know how to drive
9 July 2019 : is this the ham or my loins
9 July 2019 : i’m in houston just in time for the international jehovah’s witness convention. people from all over the world have come here to stand politely outside malls and knock on doors asking if you’ve heard the good news.
9 July 2019 : hahahahahahaha awwww man you can’t brainwash folks out of wanting to a retire https://twitter.com/existentialfish/status/1148309540116582402
9 July 2019 : during takeoff i could see where i dumped brice! how fun! now to go get my damn wife. pic.twitter.com/Eo2w6ltbMh
9 July 2019 : the trash cans at the airport for water bottles & banned items are a great place to discard a murder weapon https://t.co/d4IlWdHMgK
9 July 2019 : is the clapping sound coming from their feet or
9 July 2019 : another tip is i always book the earliest possible flights. no traffic, no security line. allows me to get to the airport 30 minutes before boarding and get fully chilled out by the time we get to takeoff. bonus: good chance of empty rows.
9 July 2019 : that’s fuckin righteous!!!!!
9 July 2019 : i also make sure to leave my roommate a note of pertinent information, such as where the cat carriers are or the like. pic.twitter.com/vXmBXAeHej
9 July 2019 : i keep devices plugged in until they’re ready to be packed or i’m about to leave. this way, i remember to bring the charger with me. i also leave stuff alongside my shoes or bag so i remember to grab those things (like my headphones). and i do a little dance when i lock the door.
9 July 2019 : they don’t know i’m leaving them in an hour pic.twitter.com/nEWlKtAtCi
9 July 2019 : LA or NY??
9 July 2019 : “what is this fully stocked pantry thing you’ve got going on. is it thanksgiving or something??”
9 July 2019 : living in new york appeals to my poor kid sensibilities because i’m still like “wow, you have central air? what are you, rich?”
9 July 2019 : hell yeah
9 July 2019 : hahahahaha
9 July 2019 : this is what i mean, btw. per @williampietri it’s twitter opting to drop tweets when a convo gets too big. seems to usually hit the second one in a thread, so save your soundcloud plugs for the third tweet. pic.twitter.com/VR9ZOXiDLt
9 July 2019 : now for a quick nap, where i will dream peacefully knowing brice is out of the picture 😴
9 July 2019 : what the fuck is this
9 July 2019 : kevin smith is a real one for letting this live for a full decade
9 July 2019 : ten years in and i still think about this tweet https://twitter.com/thatkevinsmith/status/2554608773
9 July 2019 : HELL YEAH
9 July 2019 : (this is the ending of s2, not s3. yes somehow there have been 3 seasons already)
9 July 2019 : @jaboukie it’s just a beetle https://t.co/OmmkMFmcP1
9 July 2019 : don’t leave the flipped egg in for more than 30 seconds bc it’ll cook & won’t be gooey. you can add condiments to the other slice of bread after getting the egg off the heat & onto the bottom slice.
9 July 2019 : to HELL
9 July 2019 : a stripey boy
9 July 2019 : toast one side of the bread in the pan. when it’s toasted, remove, add butter & an egg. while egg cooks, put condiments on toasted bread sides. flip egg, put 1 slice of bread w/cheese in pan, top with egg, add ‘top’ slice. grill until toasted & cheese is melty.
9 July 2019 : i’m awake on his behalf
9 July 2019 : packing is basically done (except toiletries i’ll be using in the morning). next up: trash, dishes, scrubbing the crime scene, sweeping. i’m leaving plenty of space in both my bags because 1. dirty clothes take up more space than clean folded ones 2. who knows what i’ll buy! pic.twitter.com/FV4gah9D6L
9 July 2019 : steve guttenberg. that’s it. that’s the tweet.
9 July 2019 : taking a break to eat a grilled cheese & fried egg sandwich: my wife’s specialty, which brice will never again get to eat. it sure is messy! but by now, im an expert at cleaning up messes. pic.twitter.com/vp7zeGU13V
9 July 2019 : ill check heading back!
9 July 2019 : laundry’s done! time to fold it and try not to think about brice’s family, his friends, realizing he’s gone and mourning the loss. did i make a mistake? no, he stole my wife. he got what he deserved. should i hang or fold my flannels? hmmm.
9 July 2019 : another thing i wear when traveling: a pad. even if i’m not menstruating, a pad has wider coverage than a panty liner & provides you the chance to remove it once you land and feel “fresh” after a long flight or car drive. better than a little baggy for your dirty underwear!
9 July 2019 : side note: your airport outfit should be functional/take into consideration the kind of flight you’re taking! i wear a jacket with lots of pockets so i can just take it off at TSA & not have to scramble emptying my pant pockets, easy slip on shoes, & comfy pants for chilly cabins
9 July 2019 : i organize my duffel in three main sections: base tops (t-shirts, tanks), covers (sweaters, button-ups, etc), and completes (dresses, overalls). i then place my pants/bottoms over everything and put pajamas, underwear, socks, bras in the side pockets. pic.twitter.com/WGO1jPoJz6
9 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/0YyoVHBfo5
9 July 2019 : mine is the folks who wear boots you have to lace up. i’ll be wearing flats 💃
9 July 2019 : my airport outfit is purely functional in its design for the same reason
9 July 2019 : this is when i start thinking about my comfort and where i’ll be going. i’ll be heading toward the border to escape authorities, and it’s hot there. so i need to be mindful of chafing as well as sweat absorption. the under armor shorts i have are great for both!
9 July 2019 : this is just the start. i put my “airport outfit” off to one side, pajama/undergarments far away (because those are ‘finalized’), and then i have sections divided up between definite and prospective tops and bottoms. definites are baseline, prospective is outfit combos. pic.twitter.com/eBFNlmvOrN
9 July 2019 : minimal is key when traveling, and i bring a small duffel and backpack to keep things minimal. too often we try stuffing as much as we can into a bigger suitcase and end up not using a lot of it!
9 July 2019 : i already know at the airport i’ll be wearing pants, a jacket with lots of pockets, and bulky shoes. but who will i be on the trip? this is where math comes out. i bring half the number of pants/bottoms as days i’m traveling. 7 days = 4 bottoms (including airport pants!)
9 July 2019 : while laundry’s going, i start pulling clothes for a “prospective” attire selection. this is where i grab everything i might want to wear before going through and finalizing options. i like getting dressed up while traveling, but having “realistic” choices to fall back on.
9 July 2019 : laundry going, body disposed. all that heavy lifting sure worked up a sweat! pic.twitter.com/r24ruSdtRP
8 July 2019 : thus highlighting the obvious systemic hypocrisy in play
8 July 2019 : [lizzo voice] BITCH
8 July 2019 : im going to texas tomorrow and will lick every brand of ice cream. https://twitter.com/gregabbott_tx/status/1148100608945262593
8 July 2019 : side note: a trip is a perfect opportunity to use up those samples you’ve been saving! a bunch of tiny shampoo, lotion, face wash are perfect travel companions. plus it’s important to take care of your skin even more intensely when you travel, so pack those masks!
8 July 2019 : after this point, i get back to organizing and start in on other bigger projects: laundry, dishes, changing the cat litter, refreshing the mice cages, discarding the trash that stole my wife.
8 July 2019 : these go in the backpack because they’re heavy. you want your duffel to be lighter because it’s the bigger hassle to carry. also going in the backpack: laptop, second pair of shoes, misc charging cables, maybe a book but let’s be honest with ourselves. pic.twitter.com/yDqTnxt8DK
8 July 2019 : while i’m in toiletries, i pack! three different bags: first aid (claritin, aleve, neosporin) makeup (with a bold lipstick & a neutral/daily color), and regular toiletries (toothpaste, face wash, etc.) third bag stays out/empty to be added to later. other two go in the backpack!
8 July 2019 : then, i organize each section and put things away! i like to start with paper, then office, then move on to toiletries.
8 July 2019 : i organize everything in five major sections: - toiletries (cosmetics, first aid, hair bands) - “office” (functional supplies like tape, zip ties, gloves, remote controls) - paper (anything paper including books!) - pet supplies - “true” miscellaneous (things i can’t categorize) pic.twitter.com/7wyv9KW9Sm
8 July 2019 : the contents of the small bags i usually keep in my backpack get dumped out, since i likely won’t be needing the same things during my trip. i find my wife’s wedding ring that she left behind when she ran off with brice. i’ll take care of that soon enough. pic.twitter.com/zOaJe2lLm7
8 July 2019 : i find my chef knife and unwrap it from its cloth cocoon. i suddenly remember brice, who stole my wife, and i black out for 6-8 hours. when i come to, i’m in the shower and my clothes are in the trash. uh oh! flight’s soon! i gotta finish organizing!
8 July 2019 : next, i make my bed. then, i dump everything on it that i haven’t managed to organize recently or that needs to be reorganized. then i go through it all! any clothes get put in the hamper. pic.twitter.com/LW8Ru0hBlk
8 July 2019 : i’m going to give you a real-time breakdown of how i plan my travel because it’s meticulous and possibly useful. so, first thing: i check the airline’s carry-on bag dimensions. i will always bring a backpack and a small duffle instead of checking, if i can avoid it.
8 July 2019 : the paper helps move everything off the screen and into something you can engage with
8 July 2019 : it’s a method i picked up when trying to plan out my schedule in college. had to cross check available classes with requirements and then cobble them together into something resembling a balanced schedule.
8 July 2019 : i’m my best self when i’m making travel plans. i get my phone and laptop and a pad of paper out and i cross check everything and have myself a little planning party.
8 July 2019 : hi
8 July 2019 : it’s renatas all the way down
8 July 2019 : just one isn’t enough pic.twitter.com/iqUIn5fn5n
8 July 2019 : damn
8 July 2019 : i’m going on a plane tomorrow. you know what that means! https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1134158210359803904
8 July 2019 : zoomies****
8 July 2019 : lol our cats must be on the same sleep schedule then. it was zombies and wrestling all night.
8 July 2019 : hi romy babyyyyy
8 July 2019 : good afternoon pic.twitter.com/PbEfAgreeU
8 July 2019 : you’re the worsttttttt
8 July 2019 : i have a chaotic relationship to AC, but it’s not worth getting into.
8 July 2019 : jamus loftie
8 July 2019 : there’s an article about AC that a prominent user linked to about how AC is bad and it sparked a huge debate with valid arguments both for and against but without much consideration for how ridiculous it is to be yelling at folks who don’t control *your* AC your preferences
8 July 2019 : i love forging nuance where there isn’t any
8 July 2019 : yes and i’ve made her into the punchline about diarrhea
8 July 2019 : i mean medical concerns are valid. arguing over air conditioning with randos who don’t live or work with you is the problem.
8 July 2019 : when someone tells me their medication gave them diarrhea pic.twitter.com/oJEgExLHeb
8 July 2019 : you could say everyone just needs to 😎 chill out 😎 https://twitter.com/kathykimpel/status/1148113422917107719
8 July 2019 : they’re fully fine, it’s just a popular thread. someone who used to work at twitter explained they do it to limit overload on big threads/conversations (i rted him)
8 July 2019 : that’s not it
8 July 2019 : yeah i had a sense it had something to do with overload, esp since it seems to occur in popular threads or in response to viral tweets
8 July 2019 : no i just came across a public thread where the second tweet didn’t load but the rest were fine. i’ve been seeing this a lot more very recently.
8 July 2019 : lol they shadowbanned one tweet in an otherwise normal thread?
8 July 2019 : i’m assuming it’ll stop as i adjust since i just started it. thankfully i’m not dealing with jaw clenching. but it’s annoying! passes after 2-3 hours, thank goodness.
8 July 2019 : it is unclear why twitter refuses to load certain tweets in a thread (“this tweet is unavailable”) especially when the thread isn’t broken, tweet wasn’t deleted, user is responding to themselves, they aren’t muted/blocked. they shortchanging us for some reason?
8 July 2019 : gimme some greasy too-small wire-framed glasses and aggressively flat ironed hair in a hairsprayed ponytail and i’m every girl i went to high school with in mojave
8 July 2019 : the poses, i mean
8 July 2019 : i have to sit in 2006 myspace selfie poses to keep my neck from getting too tight because the zoloft is making it tense up and it’s fucking killing me pic.twitter.com/C29SUQPnJg
8 July 2019 : they full-blown freaked but somehow their intensity is inspiring
8 July 2019 : y’all as soon as someone mentions air conditioning https://twitter.com/baileyhall2424/status/1147305553229729792
8 July 2019 : side note: my hands are always extremely warm even though my body temp is always 1 degree below average so if yours are ever cold just lemme know
8 July 2019 : when/if we ever hang out i promise to always lend you my coat if you get chilly
8 July 2019 : nice
8 July 2019 : dirty AC filters are known for causing sinus infections & asthma, and hospitals are teeming with all sorts of bacteria that can make you sick, or more sick if your immune system is already compromised. the refusal to do the homework on this is really something else.
8 July 2019 : read more than the display name next time. i work in food service, which is why i know about bacterial growth in food.
8 July 2019 : yes hospitals are kept cold and that’s how they prevent bacteria and not by sanitizing everything constantly 🤦🏻‍♀️ honestly y’all
8 July 2019 : me
8 July 2019 : fridges are usually around ~37 degrees and keep food below the danger zone for bacterial growth (between 40 & ~140 degrees) and human bodies operate differently than milk (you can develop hypothermia if out in sub-65 degree temps for 12+ hours) but thanks for playing
8 July 2019 : y’all are mad about AIR CONDITIONING
8 July 2019 : holy shit
8 July 2019 : i’m the same. i think it’s because on meeting i’m trying to remember name/relationship/person info and not just their face. once they remind me their name i’m like “oh yeah! you went to UNC & your dog’s name is chowder!”
8 July 2019 : wow the response to this is something else.
8 July 2019 : well when your body temp drops to a sustained low (as with being in a too-cold space for several hours), the viruses and bacteria that would otherwise be killed off by your higher body temp are able to spread, thus making you sick. so.
8 July 2019 : my coworkers unanimously concluded that “it’s boring as hell, but with great acting.”
8 July 2019 : air conditioning stole my husband
8 July 2019 : just 2?
8 July 2019 : need to get my bathroom hooked up with whatever lights the ifc center uses damn pic.twitter.com/s6lwdQXZ4y
8 July 2019 : finishing the night with some 35mm truth on the big screen pic.twitter.com/TNrtXlh5q1
8 July 2019 : what the fuck i farted into the toilet AND IT FARTED BACK
8 July 2019 : here i made it festive pic.twitter.com/0rXGIaQEp6
8 July 2019 : the perfect birthday card for the #resistance -er in your life pic.twitter.com/k3WZTWX85P
8 July 2019 : hrair
8 July 2019 : oh hello there
7 July 2019 : oh my god
7 July 2019 : where did this happen i will find her and i will destroy her
7 July 2019 : i need to poop but mmm what a beaut pic.twitter.com/9rsQmtjkFu
7 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/IILerldMUu
7 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/Oe8rkcQE84
7 July 2019 : the rich killd NYC pic.twitter.com/zrnP2Nsn3d
7 July 2019 : i walked to soho & then sat down to eat my ice cream and a truck for the smoothie place i used to work at scraped the side of a parked car
7 July 2019 : am i doing this right pic.twitter.com/c5tzHSh2iI
7 July 2019 : i met up with a fellow worker for a quick sec and now i’m just.. wandering around the east village. where to go. what to do. hmmmm.
7 July 2019 : like ten seconds after this tweet i got a strong whiff of shit
7 July 2019 : manhattan smells like tires but i’m opting to decide it’s actually truffles
7 July 2019 : intense mood for a napkin holder pic.twitter.com/Kc3LRKY70E
7 July 2019 : i was spotted on the train! didn’t know what to do so i pretended not to notice and then when i got to my stop i looked right at him & said “have a good one”! https://twitter.com/celebrayden/status/1147965594504978434
7 July 2019 : that was slick as hell right?
7 July 2019 : 😬
7 July 2019 : no i’m not
7 July 2019 : horse dick made her brain break
7 July 2019 : woulda said fleabag but i think that’s more neatly in the ‘comedy’ category than ‘drama’
7 July 2019 : killing eve, russian doll, atlanta
7 July 2019 : 😰
7 July 2019 : even better 🙌🙌🙌
7 July 2019 : mossimo?
7 July 2019 : nike should make THOSE shoes
7 July 2019 : why is the whole cast of friends on the american flag
7 July 2019 : in what corner of the dark web is bleacher report finding all these weird painty photos
7 July 2019 : go neon with it!
7 July 2019 : i appreciate that we are the only people who understand what this means
7 July 2019 : green
7 July 2019 : congrats to my shadow army
7 July 2019 : unless it’s https://instagram.com/baddogsunny?igshid=k3s4aajxgzqm
7 July 2019 : stop inserting your penile insecurities into women’s sports you soggy perv
7 July 2019 : memento, duh.
7 July 2019 : shit that’s amazing. i heard of a restaurant that runs their octopus through a washing machine to soften it up
7 July 2019 : not realized it?!?!?!?! no.
7 July 2019 : wow
7 July 2019 : there’s a reason vocal fry became so prominent
7 July 2019 : i will say it is mucus-related
7 July 2019 : no i hold it like a fucking adult
7 July 2019 : amen
7 July 2019 : lol desi
7 July 2019 : no
7 July 2019 : NOPE
7 July 2019 : it finally happened: something is happening with my body that is so gross, i’m *not* telling everyone i know. the times, they are a-changin.
7 July 2019 : i 1000% do not pee in the shower. when my roommate told me she does sometimes i almost broke the lease right there. horrifying.
7 July 2019 : god photobombed this pic.twitter.com/na3dfjR17N
7 July 2019 : this is the first time i’ve been down there that those lights were on. usually it’s just an inky black abyss. who turned on the lights? who knows.
7 July 2019 : that banging sound wasn’t me, btw. it was the hallway to hell.
7 July 2019 : the hallway next to my work’s storage room is so fucking cursed pic.twitter.com/kygi9s3bfj
7 July 2019 : the issue is it’s not “pizza.” for example, puff pastry with fruit is a galette.
7 July 2019 : why
7 July 2019 : he said veggie tho
7 July 2019 : that’s a salad on a cracker
7 July 2019 : at least he’s getting a little variation in his diet, i guess pic.twitter.com/tK1YPEHpdG
7 July 2019 : i truly don’t understand
7 July 2019 : have you seen... the rest of the food scott walker eats?
7 July 2019 : uncooked broccoli topped with room temp shredded cheese with ranch that appears to have been sitting out long enough to raise some botulism concerns
7 July 2019 : seriously what the hell
7 July 2019 : this is a salad on a cracker https://twitter.com/scottwalker/status/1147621772365357056
7 July 2019 : why can’t you eat normal food
7 July 2019 : holy shit
6 July 2019 : there’s water dripping in the subway station and it’s dripping so fast it sounds like someone jacking off but i determines it was water because no one can crank it that fast for as long as the water’s been dripping before busting pic.twitter.com/Oa9Pj0fYXz
6 July 2019 : i assisted a lot of knife skills classes
6 July 2019 : this covers grip https://www.thespruceeats.com/how-to-use-a-chefs-knife-995812 and this gets into cutting techniques https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NlnOsnr94qM
6 July 2019 : the one flaw i noticed is the handfuls i was grabbing were mostly too big
6 July 2019 : same reason it’s soothing to do: repetitive motion
6 July 2019 : the full video is over 4 minutes and the full amount of time i spent chopping kale was much, much longer than that.
6 July 2019 : i recorded myself prepping kale at work to study & improve my knife skills (i’m v slow). i edited & sped it up for your pleasure. pic.twitter.com/o5YzUcHglu
6 July 2019 : hm i wonder where kenobi is hm hm hm pic.twitter.com/Nqd23fJ60H
6 July 2019 : “of the YouTube program”
6 July 2019 : truly regal
6 July 2019 : love the queen with the umbrella saying nothing + giving a look to the queen who started exchanging words. so clearly ‘you don’t deserve talking with us’ energy
6 July 2019 : lost a few fingers in the hustle
6 July 2019 : all the worst people disagree with me. what a tragedy for them.
6 July 2019 : of course 🤦🏻‍♀️
6 July 2019 : @BillyDomineau hustling changes a person i guess
6 July 2019 : and why are they so determined to show that second ear
6 July 2019 : why do u get shorter the more you lvl up
6 July 2019 : too late birch
6 July 2019 : oh man that’s not good
6 July 2019 : 😰
6 July 2019 : both! both! both! both!
6 July 2019 : hooooooooo pic.twitter.com/0L6k0Zs9Ah
6 July 2019 : “you don’t need a microphone, you need a therapist” applies to 100% of maga chuds and like 90% of open mic comics
6 July 2019 : “i wasn’t gunna swipe right on them anyway” 😂 bro you don’t need a rally you need a therapist
6 July 2019 : or C) a fox news commentator
6 July 2019 : 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 https://twitter.com/alexthomasdc/status/1147529517902245888
6 July 2019 : yes
6 July 2019 : 👀👀👀 https://twitter.com/fordfischer/status/1147491328479191042
6 July 2019 : other folks are saying they’re in their 40s and can hear it!! what a curse
6 July 2019 : “it’s likely you’re not between the ages of 13 and 25” i have been waiting my whole life to age out of hearing these frequencies. i’m 29 and i can STILL hear it 😭
6 July 2019 : what mailing list do you need to sign up for to get this
6 July 2019 : those look sick as hell @Nike make these
6 July 2019 : it was my intro to them too lol
6 July 2019 : 😬
6 July 2019 : not my audience. got it.
6 July 2019 : kawhi picked LA *because* of the earthquakes
6 July 2019 : i know!!!! maybe she just doesn’t pay attention?? it’s a bodunk school in the middle of nowhere but even so!
6 July 2019 : i found out after the last one that my sister’s school doesn’t even *do* earthquake drills?! she didn’t know what to do!
6 July 2019 : in other news i sorted all the spam mail in the building hallway trying to find my replacement debit card i asked for two months ago and instead i found something sent to a former neighbor that i’m real curious about pic.twitter.com/kXAdcHFa3m
6 July 2019 : this energy is real reminiscent of how my mom would behave when she said spirits were talking to her so i’m just letting the rando do their thing but “she smiles” is so creepy yet also feels like that means medusa likes me 🙂
6 July 2019 : haha ok cool messages !! cool cool! pic.twitter.com/6162hDg7nT
6 July 2019 : i’ll teach you how to play 🥰
6 July 2019 : i’m just glad there were witnesses. and that i have some cash for when i head out to see @def_not_emma in a! few! days!!!!!
6 July 2019 : this isn’t even my full win. i gave a cut to the guy who let me in cuz he helped me learn how to play.
6 July 2019 : my metric is “if you can tweet about it, you’re fine.”
6 July 2019 : they ended the game because i made everyone depressed, which is not an unusual phenomenon for me 😔 what is unusual is winning $120 while a guy yells in my ear that i look like the joker’s little sister 😂
6 July 2019 : at first they wouldn’t let me play because i didn’t bet enough but after awhile they let me in and i swept em. one guy walked up, saw me, and bet against me. i shot straight sixes back to back to back. he didn’t even get to throw before i emptied his wallet.
6 July 2019 : i don’t think the guys who hang out in front of my building are gunna let me play dice with them anymore pic.twitter.com/h0LAOHu1ya
6 July 2019 : hahahahahaha
6 July 2019 : someone on my train just taped up this drawing of, i think, karamo from queer eye? and then got off at the next stop. pic.twitter.com/kVd7PlPWTw
6 July 2019 : @amymorganedits its surprisingly hard bc her face is very specific and yet meets the same criteria as a lotta other famous faces!
5 July 2019 : it’s unclear to me why they cast her and her husband the way they did because they look like siblings and there’s nothing more terrifying to me than a brother-sister couple
5 July 2019 : more like cupid’s bowl. full of sweat.
5 July 2019 : shoutout to upper lip sweat pic.twitter.com/Ic0ENCFvno
5 July 2019 : nope!
5 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/sAXo0FXYF2
5 July 2019 : Keith, it’s my wife. She’s being humiliated. pic.twitter.com/KSZdZZcl0X
5 July 2019 : can u grab me some tamps
5 July 2019 : lemme hug em
5 July 2019 : tag yourself im the crane
5 July 2019 : good afternoon pic.twitter.com/7sObFiXj0T
5 July 2019 : lol
5 July 2019 : 👏
5 July 2019 : welp gotta find it & load it up
5 July 2019 : is that eating pie or hcs?
5 July 2019 : hands down, the most iconic thing to ever happen on twitter. did we ever find out who it was? who posted it? it wasn’t on the internet before the tweet, so it had to come internally, right? a mystery for the ages.
5 July 2019 : she looks awful wow
5 July 2019 : obviously
5 July 2019 : happy national hangover day!
5 July 2019 : full swayze peen outline when they untangle themselves from the parachute btw.
5 July 2019 : sorry pic.twitter.com/Y1KG9BcJW9
5 July 2019 : sorry pic.twitter.com/K3uwia7u5L
5 July 2019 : i think i was thinking tv bc the most recent thing i’ve seen her in is when they see us
5 July 2019 : y’all wanna see the frankenpic i made of different celebs, trying to make a sorta creepy collage that i had hoped might help folks figure it out but that after making realized it’s only creepy & not at all helpful?
5 July 2019 : i knew her face i just can’t remember names to save my life
5 July 2019 : prob why i was thinking tv/therapist!
5 July 2019 : @jereichwrites all of this is too much to handle but i love it so
5 July 2019 : how mad would y’all be if i was like “thanks for playing! i knew the whole time!” omg that’d be so fucked up
5 July 2019 : anyway back to watching point break
5 July 2019 : PARDON ME?
5 July 2019 : someone asked and i said ya cuz ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
5 July 2019 : you got literally every one but this one
5 July 2019 : i’m mad there’s no second season!!!!
5 July 2019 : and she was wearing flats 😂 i remember cuz they were glittery sneakers so i stared for awhile at them
5 July 2019 : oh ya she was like at least a foot above me
5 July 2019 : wow what a fuckin ride. y’all are amazing. thank you for lifting the curse that is me never remembering names but always remembering faces
5 July 2019 : YES SEE HOW THOSE EYEBROWS FRAME HER EYES AND HER EYES ARE DEEPSET
5 July 2019 : ok i googled recent pics and it’s for sure famke janssen!!!! dem CHEEKS pic.twitter.com/LtjRjOVlIG
5 July 2019 : someone said famke janssen and that might be it
5 July 2019 : well i have seen her in american media
5 July 2019 : this might be it! but i have now googled so many brunette actress names i’m struggling to remember the face i saw oh my god what a curse https://twitter.com/marconiplein/status/1147050972293804034
5 July 2019 : holy shit!
5 July 2019 : you’re on the right track! but no
5 July 2019 : i mean like a much softer jawline but v big cheeks
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : yep
5 July 2019 : no, more femme
5 July 2019 : yeah :/
5 July 2019 : she looks sorta like katherine mcphee....plus 20 years, but gentler & not tan pic.twitter.com/aT1i1d0zco
5 July 2019 : hahaha wow
5 July 2019 : hell yeah
5 July 2019 : are you just listing off a list of brunette actresses how are you posting so fast
5 July 2019 : i see her in episodic/procedural drama, not the star, maybe like a therapist?
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : 1 southbound
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : no :(
5 July 2019 : nope :(
5 July 2019 : nyc
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : close! but no
5 July 2019 : younger
5 July 2019 : *sigh* might as well be
5 July 2019 : i wishhhhhhh
5 July 2019 : nah, older
5 July 2019 : i’m talking huge, high cheeks (implants?)
5 July 2019 : no, older
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : but close!
5 July 2019 : no :(
5 July 2019 : lol no
5 July 2019 : nope
5 July 2019 : lol no & no
5 July 2019 : no :( but similar age!
5 July 2019 : no omg this is killing me
5 July 2019 : no & no
5 July 2019 : no
5 July 2019 : she’s got, how u say, a “kind face”
5 July 2019 : pretty sure she’s mostly tv
5 July 2019 : no i WISH
5 July 2019 : no, rounder cheeks
5 July 2019 : she’s in her 40s (or older?). her eyebrows are like katie holmes (not pointing down toward the nose) & she’s got apple cheeks. has had work done! pic.twitter.com/klwQcF31Qf
5 July 2019 : younger
5 July 2019 : no, older
5 July 2019 : similar eyebrows! but no
5 July 2019 : no & no :(
5 July 2019 : i WISH
5 July 2019 : yep
5 July 2019 : she has long brown hair, deep-set eyes and high, round cheekbones
5 July 2019 : no her eyebrows framed her deep-set eyes and she had high, round cheekbones
5 July 2019 : i was on the train with an actress whose name i can’t place but who looks like annabella sciorra or marisa tomei or andie macdowell but is none of them and it’s drivin me nuts.
5 July 2019 : 💗
5 July 2019 : we can do both, my love
5 July 2019 : it’s already broken my friend
5 July 2019 : of course we are my love. i’m just filling out context to make it clear i’m not advocating for nimbyism
5 July 2019 : oh for sure, but we gotta be careful not to make ‘build more’ the focus, which is what warren’s plan seems to suggest. 10% reduction is a joke.
5 July 2019 : the shortage is inflated by prohibitive cost. there’s housing to be found in a lot of areas. we just can’t afford it. in places like sf where a lot of folks moved into it, there is a tangible shortage exacerbated by untenable rent prices.
5 July 2019 : ‘how to kill a city’ dives into this (in the context of how gentrification works), as does ‘evicted,’ which highlights predatory landlord behavior + systemic barriers to stable housing
5 July 2019 : a huge problem in nyc, for example, is foreign entities purchase real estate to park their money. building that *does* happen isn’t affordable. it’s luxury condos. need regulation to eliminate landlords booting folks out to sell the building to be converted to expensive housing
5 July 2019 : obvs
5 July 2019 : a huge % of americans are spending more than 30% of their income on rent. many are paying 50-80%. a 10% reduction over 10yrs is useless. + more building isn’t the easy fix it’s advertised to be. the solution needs to be rent regulation & reduction & eliminating foreign buyouts.
5 July 2019 : your affordable housing plan is no bueno
5 July 2019 : you may not understand but i’m following priscilla with point break and i’m confident it’s a perfect combo
5 July 2019 : the shots in this movie are god level
5 July 2019 : indeed
5 July 2019 : my god pic.twitter.com/Bt5ButyYpW
5 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/bOttzwq7vU
5 July 2019 : bus broke down
5 July 2019 : that line hit so hard. it was the moment i was like ok i am IN
5 July 2019 : ah the birdcage 💗💗💗
5 July 2019 : holy hell pic.twitter.com/jADkakY1nF
5 July 2019 : oops that’s not guy pearce it’s hugo weaving. guy pearce is in the wig made out of...telephone cords?
5 July 2019 : i love to wong foo with all my heart but i always felt like it was missing the gaudy crafty outfits & makeup. guy pearce is in a dress made out of flip flops. with matching earrings. beautiful.
5 July 2019 : i’m watching priscilla queen of the desert. i love these loooooooooks.
5 July 2019 : preciate it
5 July 2019 : 🤗
5 July 2019 : 🤦🏻‍♀️
5 July 2019 : this works
5 July 2019 : THANK YOU
5 July 2019 : THANK YOU
5 July 2019 : 💗💗💗
5 July 2019 : i gave the dog a small bit of pizza but not enough to make him sick okay??? now focus your comments on how hot i look for once!
5 July 2019 : which was easy bc this is my roof
5 July 2019 : i drank 1/5th of a beer and it made my tummy hurt so i went home
5 July 2019 : update: belle delphine is cancelled https://twitter.com/taco_lad/status/1146988085730656257
5 July 2019 : oof
5 July 2019 : iconic
5 July 2019 : you’re an artist and a hero and i stan your genius daily
5 July 2019 : anyway if you like belle delphine you’ll love @gayh0rney
5 July 2019 : it’s the vaguely weird/ick factor coupled with the sexy baby thing that makes it so good. it turns your expectations on their head. classic comedy/performance art.
5 July 2019 : *eggsactly
5 July 2019 : exactly
5 July 2019 : that’s the best part for exactly that reason
5 July 2019 : that’s what makes it legit art
5 July 2019 : i mean pic.twitter.com/fkDpe0bAIa
5 July 2019 : she’s milking this aesthetic for all it’s worth and fully owns it in a way that’s honestly inspiring. she’s fully in on the joke.
5 July 2019 : i can’t tell if she edits her pics/videos to give her baby eyes or if she’s just reeeeeeeally good at makeup but either way she’s quality at it
5 July 2019 : it’s @mdeancomics ’s but he’s my best friend
5 July 2019 : here she is just. staring at the camera & eating a photo of logan paul. pic.twitter.com/zaxU9Z94uU
5 July 2019 : unrefined palates
5 July 2019 : if you’d like them then you’re welcome to them
5 July 2019 : i think belle delphine might be... my hero? https://twitter.com/christapeterso/status/1146970407427166209
5 July 2019 : i’ll eat all the cantaloupe and honeydew in your fruit salad for you
5 July 2019 : 💃
5 July 2019 : a rocketship leaving earth’s atmosphere amid the dazzling fireworks display! wow! pic.twitter.com/bIHx6CV8IU
5 July 2019 : tysmmmmmmmm 🥰
5 July 2019 : 😭😭😭 they’re so beautiful pic.twitter.com/7aAXWXQQJ7
5 July 2019 : yes please!!
5 July 2019 : caught one! wow! majestic! pic.twitter.com/87CYIWMmgz
5 July 2019 : fireworks 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 pic.twitter.com/8t3dgpSjKa
5 July 2019 : can i come
5 July 2019 : 💗✊
5 July 2019 : https://us.asos.com/asos-petite/asos-design-petite-denim-overall-in-washed-black/prd/8934605?clr=washed-black&colourWayId=15242884&SearchQuery=&cid=15167 search those general keywords and find one in your size!
5 July 2019 : shoutout to the pigs trying to break up a party by flying above it in circles for 20 minutes. pic.twitter.com/CZ0ZN6fBs6
5 July 2019 : happy annual suddenly remembering i don’t really care about fireworks at all and do i pretend to ooo and ahh or should i clap and cheer????
5 July 2019 : iono cc @mdeancomics
5 July 2019 : sup pic.twitter.com/qKfjGqmN2q
5 July 2019 : $2.5 million taken from national parks to throw a party for a wannabe dictator and his ugly donors & everyone got rained out. smh.
5 July 2019 : “malicious burning.” flag burning is a legally protected expression of free speech. all of these charges are as real as cement milkshakes 🤦🏻‍♀️ https://twitter.com/scotttaylortv/status/1146922496727355397
5 July 2019 : finally something to celebrate
5 July 2019 : they still have half an hour before sunset pic.twitter.com/5DYoqFoVAa
5 July 2019 : 😬😬😬 pic.twitter.com/GwhJxcUOa2
5 July 2019 : te amo amigo
5 July 2019 : thank you for this
5 July 2019 : the hand of god is mighty https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1146930463350624261
4 July 2019 : cute friends! pic.twitter.com/iOoCDeaWSB
4 July 2019 : i always feel weird! but yeah they told me it’d take 2-3 weeks
4 July 2019 : she thought it was a new job. how’s that. i seem more likely to get ANOTHER job than i am to start taking antidepressants.
4 July 2019 : coworker: how are you? me: i started zoloft yesterday cw: oh really?! how’s that? is it hard? fast-paced? me: it’s an anti-depressant
4 July 2019 : there’s no tourists & everyone else is closed 🙌 we’re still open just cuz the owner hasn’t responded to let us know if we can close.
4 July 2019 : i mean i can dm it
4 July 2019 : i took a pic but i’m not gunna post it cuz i know y’all
4 July 2019 : wow. WOW. i don’t even know what to say.
4 July 2019 : happy 4th to the dude who projectile vomited in the subway station & has thus forced the hip girls with fireworks headbands he’s with to just hang out with his puke until he comes to 💥
4 July 2019 : molly is x it’s just a cleaner version of it. and she lives in the boondocks so kids around her get into meth before they get into cleaner stuff
4 July 2019 : hope y’all are alright 💗
4 July 2019 : she’s about 75mi out & it was like a 4.0 where she was. she’d never been in an earthquake before! apparently her school doesn’t even do drills!!
4 July 2019 : awwwwww man!
4 July 2019 : she was asking if i got the iphone x (supposedly!) but using the opportunity anyway to Cool Mom lecture at her
4 July 2019 : 100% thought this said YOU DESERVE A SAFE SPACE IN HELL 😰 pic.twitter.com/DQHotQaMX0
4 July 2019 : it’s so hilarious how many folks FLED when i was like “fascists should get their asses beat” how is that even up for debate?? who are these nerds following me?!
4 July 2019 : and i oop pic.twitter.com/gQUkT9njLM
4 July 2019 : at least the timeline has wisened enough to know not to post hack ass “back to back world war champs” tweets anymore (except for this one) (sorry)
4 July 2019 : not for my home state!
4 July 2019 : california is just reminding everyone that she has nothing to celebrate today because she was stolen from mexico in 1848
4 July 2019 : lmao
4 July 2019 : “what’s moderate” oh my sweet baby
4 July 2019 : the site isn’t loading for her so i’m filling it out on her behalf. pic.twitter.com/bqo6TXFiSX
4 July 2019 : girl’s gotta learn
4 July 2019 : truly it curdles my blood as much as when someone calls me “tali”
4 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/Y041GRjo70
4 July 2019 : my 16yo sister & i are having one of those generational divide moments pic.twitter.com/Lqa69FSRTr
4 July 2019 : i HATE it
4 July 2019 : oh yeah? park under an overpass.
4 July 2019 : “while there’s no “calendar” for quakes” makes it fairly clear imo!
4 July 2019 : grain of salt! my mom is prone to fabrication.
4 July 2019 : supposedly (untrusted source) my mom couldn’t get ahold of my dad & was super worried. then she saw him in the background of a news broadcast where he was pushing the car he was fixing up out of the parking garage of his apartment complex, which had gotten fucked up.
4 July 2019 : lmao
4 July 2019 : if you felt it, you should head on over to https://earthquake.usgs.gov/data/dyfi/ to record where you are & describe how it felt 👯‍♀️
4 July 2019 : i was 4 during the northridge quake and i STILL remember it
4 July 2019 : long rolling quakes happen deeper in the earth than hard jolts 🕺 while there’s no “calendar” for quakes they’re common in the summer 💃 you should have a crank radio, nonperishable supplies, & a first aid kit in a box in your home and car that you check/replenish every 6mo 💃🕺
4 July 2019 : i have a follow up in a few weeks so by then i’ll be able to check in and see if it’s working. i was told i wouldn’t notice, it’d just ease off the negatives, but i’m acutely aware of every ebb & flow of my body and brain so i’m pretty sure i’ll be like “hello yes here’s a list”
4 July 2019 : hahahahaha aww man i was in an earthquake at a friend’s house once & no one there was from CA. i was the only one who ran toward the doorway like WHAT ARE YALL DOING ITS AN EARTHQUAKE and they were like “oh word?! what do we do??” 🤦🏻‍♀️
4 July 2019 : it’s v chill tbh. way chiller than i thought it’d be.
4 July 2019 : solid protein source!
4 July 2019 : haha yeah now i’m like “hello little pills! i have heard good things about you. would you like to be my friend?”
4 July 2019 : it’s definitely something you have to be really conscious about. my friend whose iron went up consumes a lot of turmeric & lentils.
4 July 2019 : i am *ahem* as they say, *ahem* #talkingaboutit 💫
4 July 2019 : lol i had to google it
4 July 2019 : you have nicer toenails than me 😭
4 July 2019 : i’m not advocating for veganism btw, it’s largely counterproductive & ethically ambiguous w/r/t sources. but eating cleaner typically helps for pretty much anything, and vegan diets are typically fairly clean (if you avoid seitan)
4 July 2019 : white blood count
4 July 2019 : i was gunna reply with a pic of my own sideways toes to say “omg thank you so much!” but my toes are so ugly omg i hate feet
4 July 2019 : it’ll be a few weeks before i know if it’s working, but for me the real hurdle was just getting to this point. so that’s a real exciting accomplishment, and baffling that i did it so casually. “you know what, i got time, lemme score a 12 on this mental health sheet.”
4 July 2019 : instead of hitting a low and feeling like i need help but hoping to come out of it, i asked for help with GAD while also asking for a topical cream to help the eczema i’ve had on my hands from work. cuz it’s basically the same thing, you dig?
4 July 2019 : i also have a ton of anxiety re: making plans (much easier to get me to do something if i’ve already worked up the nerve to go out) so the anxiety of starting therapy, plus the experiences i’ve had with it, was like AHHHH NO AVOID
4 July 2019 : i’ve had hella low periods where i’ve been aware that i need help, but was too in the middle of it to seek help. hard to schedule an appointment when you’re laying on the floor nearly catatonic, you know? and then i get out of it & im like “i can handle that.”
4 July 2019 : spinach & eggs are solid sources. those are the two things they said to eat the morning of a blood donation. but lotta vegans take supplements to compensate for whatever they’re low on, usually b12 lol
4 July 2019 : it’s just now occurring to me that i started antidepressants lol. i went to the doctor with a checklist and it was just one of the things on there, like getting an oil change.
4 July 2019 : i had to walk in the street to work yesterday just to avoid dodging all the people who don’t know how to walk
4 July 2019 : 👏👏👏
4 July 2019 : i’m wearing an american flag as a pad today
4 July 2019 : dreading going to work tonight. there’s so many goddamn tourists.
4 July 2019 : of course. they think something has to be tragic/scary in order for it to be interesting. direct me to them i will smack them.
4 July 2019 : i think there’s a term for this “why are you writing about x when y is happening” but it’s stupid so i’ve forgotten it. in any case, if everyone wrote about the same thing, we wouldn’t pay attention to any of it cuz there’s nothing new or novel to it.
4 July 2019 : oh boy i did not give a clean urine sample (the one i peed into a solo cup and carried around with me for an hour) so i’ll have to redo it. what a joy.
4 July 2019 : tourists with roller luggage fucking love strolling in the exact center of the sidewalk, stopping abruptly, and turning to walk into you.
4 July 2019 : that’s not a joke btw my face & voice change a lot when i’m on bc vs not. it’s almost magic. my voice is so much higher & my jaw is thinner on bc! it’s like i’m doing an impression of femme!
4 July 2019 : i’m like “just give me some hormones and a baby version of metformin please i am so tired of looking/sounding masc on days when i wanna be femme”
4 July 2019 : i think the concern is i said last time i was on it it made me too dehydrated to function (think the dosage was too high) + my blood pressure is elevated so b.c. is a challenge.
4 July 2019 : i love it cuz im short and chubby so i look 22ish & they think oh boy imma school this child but then im all gruff & Lived In like “i have no fear of death. try me.”
4 July 2019 : word! thatd just make y’all feel like you’re sitting in cigarette water
4 July 2019 : i’m also the one who’s like “you feel achy and sick, but you’re not developing symptoms, and you’ve been working doubles for two weeks? honey, you’re just super-tired.”
4 July 2019 : i got two transvaginal ultrasounds 2 years apart that consistently showed cysts. and yet! maybe it’s because she’s an RN & not an MD so they’re required to go through tons of hoops before prescribing anything besides birth control
4 July 2019 : i’ve been the one to tell coworkers to get tested for anemia when they come in & their faces are ashy & im like “are you on your period” & they’re like “yeah and i’m EXHAUSTED”
4 July 2019 : all my symptoms fit the bill exactly, but she wants to rule anything else out first. which i guess is fair, but annoying. i’ll have to see her 4x just to confirm an existing diagnosis.
4 July 2019 : i’m getting over a sinus infection & have a lot of stress, so those are likely culprits?
4 July 2019 : also my LH is 1.4
4 July 2019 : oh i was diagnosed with PCOS like five years ago but this gyno won’t prescribe me metformin until i see an endocrinologist & get a sono to confirm it’s not something else
4 July 2019 : it’s funny to me that my FSH level is lower than “male” and on the low end for CHILDREN. *bangs ovaries* they dead
4 July 2019 : a friend of mine is anemic & her levels actually went up when she switched to vegan?
4 July 2019 : and now y’all know me REALLY well
4 July 2019 : i also have crazy low FSH! what’s follicle stimulating hormone? who knows! gimme five minutes and i will! pic.twitter.com/4bBBDpUVPj
4 July 2019 : here’s my full CBC (complete blood count, is what that means!) if anyone wants to check out my blood! pic.twitter.com/T0nTi2FSy2
4 July 2019 : the fun thing about getting lab results back is probably the obsessive googling that follows. my WBC is 10.86 K/uL. what’s that mean? i’m gunna find out and become an expert on it!
4 July 2019 : is it weird i feel like miles doing that dick pic experiment brought us all closer?
4 July 2019 : ICONIC
4 July 2019 : happy reminder to revolt against oppression day ✊
4 July 2019 : 💗 i hope you can look back on that trip & find some comfort that your friend wanted so badly for you & your daughter to have a lovely trip!
4 July 2019 : we’ve fallen down a rabbit hole pic.twitter.com/j5nNjJgCrM
4 July 2019 : my roommate was searching for halloween (1980) and found this instead. pic.twitter.com/qnIWdglFbI
4 July 2019 : what the fuck https://twitter.com/zackfinknews/status/1146581578077888513
4 July 2019 : how much
4 July 2019 : but yes that’d be hilarious
4 July 2019 : basically
4 July 2019 : oh dang. i just put em under my tongue & hold for awhile.
4 July 2019 : i mean i looked at his phone & he was in a text convo on either imessage or signal.
4 July 2019 : i mean it’s technically smoking, but it’s not really enforced/enforceable since there’s no odor. i’ve been on platforms where dudes light up cigarettes while waiting for the train. it’s not the best esp during super hot months, but it’s never that serious.
4 July 2019 : i’ve found when i take cbd drops before bed, i have a much easier time getting out of bed the next morning.
4 July 2019 : until the short bitch he thought he’d be able to shame was like “fuckin do something bro”
4 July 2019 : worth noting: he 100% did not call the cops. he texted someone for awhile and then got on a local train. wack.
4 July 2019 : i will let you down or irritate you
4 July 2019 : it’s not even one of those pens that makes a big smell. it’s a juul. a juul with cbd cartridges. the mellowest of mellow.
4 July 2019 : it’s the only thing that keeps me upright when i’ve gotta work after pulling an all-nighter
4 July 2019 : for now
4 July 2019 : y’all so desperate for a fish that’s white go to whole foods and buy some cod goddamn
4 July 2019 : secondhand cbd vape air is like, nothing? and i wasn’t blowing huge clouds, and i was at the end of the platform alone. he just wanted to scold someone and he thought a short fat punk was the way to go. nah dude, we got the least to lose.
4 July 2019 : my stare was a combination ‘i am too fucking exhausted for this shit’ and ‘lmao seriously?’ when i said “so call the cops” he was like “i am!” and i was like “good, buddy! make you feel like a big man!” i am a 5’1” chubby baby. i really ascended to a new level today.
3 July 2019 : a dude easily a foot taller than me walked to the end of the platform where i stood alone to scold me for vaping. honestly didn’t even realize i was doing it. but you think i told him that? no. i stared at him for a long time, then said “call the cops. it’ll make you feel big.”
3 July 2019 : nice. put the city/zip code too!
3 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/yy1qUDk7dU
3 July 2019 : you go here and input info except ur name/email. you gotta know (within the quarter or half hour) what time you were born. https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php
3 July 2019 : this bitch really did that https://twitter.com/themarkmcclure/status/1146519471617662979
3 July 2019 : 🥤🥤🥤
3 July 2019 : i’m so tired i had to ask the pharmacist to repeat it when she said “one dollar.” i said “one? dollar?” and she said “yep.” and then i pulled out my debit card and made a jeb bush face.
3 July 2019 : i just paid $1 to fill three prescriptions. what.
3 July 2019 : happy 41th to a real alive dude! hyped you exist!
3 July 2019 : wow
3 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/SSPeMYu76M
3 July 2019 : from the looks of it it looks like it’s got cool whip or marshmallow situation going on BUT possible bcream if using swiss meringue-style! it’ll likely say on the container also
3 July 2019 : i told the social worker i was thinking about picking up my antidepressant prescription today so i could take half a pill at work and be so sleepy i get sent home early. he smiled and said “take a whole one.”
3 July 2019 : it’s bureaucracy & budget cuts.
3 July 2019 : oh wow that’s some smooth buttercream!
3 July 2019 : no, not far away enough. i hate this.
3 July 2019 : oh thank god
3 July 2019 : is that white frosting buttercream or cool whip?
3 July 2019 : concluded, even
3 July 2019 : i’ve concludes that the non-molesting doctor was right: the director who runs this hospital is, in fact, a son of a bitch.
3 July 2019 : it’s the son of a bitch director
3 July 2019 : i couldn’t get my shift covered. i have to go in.
3 July 2019 : 5.5 hours later, i am armed with a bunch of papers telling me everything that was done, the follow-up appointments i need to make, and i am finally done with my two routine appointments: an annual physical and a gyno follow-up. five and a half hours. i’m supposed to be at work. pic.twitter.com/QuYvfZ3lMj
3 July 2019 : really other-worldly
3 July 2019 : no the hypothetical babies
3 July 2019 : ill text him letting him know (he gives every patient his # to text or call!)
3 July 2019 : he’s my dad now
3 July 2019 : i get to 2nd floor, pee deposited, and am told i need to go back up to 3 to schedule follow-up appointment. i have been awake since 4am, on 2 hours of sleep, i haven’t eaten because i’ve been here, i’m starting to see spots, and i have to be at work in 25 minutes.
3 July 2019 : i was told on the 2nd floor to go to the 3rd floor to drop off my pee. 3rd floor said i had to go to 2nd floor to drop off my pee. i got tired and stopped into the social worker’s office to wrap up our appt, he took me to the correct floor AND handed them my pee for me. wow.
3 July 2019 : right?? how can you tell!
3 July 2019 : it’s bc imma be goin to texas soon!!!!
3 July 2019 : a catch-22mgs
3 July 2019 : how
3 July 2019 : one of the side effects of this anti-anxiety medication is.... anxiety. hm.
3 July 2019 : sure thing ken!
3 July 2019 : oh no i have to carry my pee with me into this appointment until i can drop it off at the other floor oh my god
3 July 2019 : as i said i got 100% in there and stopped mid-stream to acquire the perfect sample size because i am excellent at bodily functions
3 July 2019 : lmao “by the chipotle” honey be more SPECIFIC
3 July 2019 : i’m so hungry but i have one more appointment to do & then i have to go back to the other floor to schedule a follow-up with a GP & get a prescription for a mild anti-anxiety that the social worker recommended during my second appointment wherein he talked about evolution
3 July 2019 : this day is really trying me
3 July 2019 : i peed in the trash cup and SURE ENOUGH IT HAD A CRACK IN IT and despite my PERFECT AIM i 100% got my own pee on my hand because THE TRASH CUP WAS LEAKING. HELLO AMERICAN MEDICAL COMMUNITY, I PEED IN A TRASH CUP FOR YOU.
3 July 2019 : @brittneyraex3 i’m on medicaid so it’s either this actual hospital or a clinic (i was told the hospital is way nicer than the clinic & you get to see actual doctors)
3 July 2019 : is the cup crushed for grip or because they dug it out of the trash: a mystery for the ages
3 July 2019 : a nurse just handed me this crushed cup and tube and was like “for your urine test” what urine test??? aahhahahahahha holy fuck imma die here pic.twitter.com/LVgj17bHSo
3 July 2019 : 😰😰😰😰
3 July 2019 : why are they like this!!!!!!!
3 July 2019 : he followed it by talking about recent news stories of doctors molesting their patients, noted they were disgusting, then said “i’d ask the patient out on a date, and then molest them out there! not in here!” (a very clear attempt at a bad joke) and i was like “haha. uh huh.”
3 July 2019 : the old ones always try being funny/personable in the WORST way!
3 July 2019 : the kind that’s free!!!!
3 July 2019 : !!!!!! medicaid!!!!!!!
3 July 2019 : lmao
3 July 2019 : i need y’all to understand that this is 100% worst nightmare levels but somehow it’s leveling me out, like doing daily affirmations or exposure therapy.
3 July 2019 : god this is hilarious. everything is a nightmare scenario and i’m just sitting here like “hahahaha alrighty!”
3 July 2019 : can’t wait to see the social worker to get help w/my anxiety & have him just tell me all the different ways i could die today because i left the house.
3 July 2019 : remember an hour ago when i was desperate to start my doctor’s appointment? lmao
3 July 2019 : he lifted up the back of my shirt to listen to my lungs & promised “it’s just the back, i promise i won’t molest you!” oh man
3 July 2019 : omfg the first ten minutes of meeting with the doctor was him calling the director “a stupid son of a bitch” and venting about how none of the nurses close the doors. i just sat here like a therapist letting him vent. wow.
3 July 2019 : the second one did flash “too high” so maybe!
3 July 2019 : RIGHT?! WHAT!
3 July 2019 : shit
3 July 2019 : WOW. OKAY. (i wish u luck on your journey in creating your perfect space 🙏)
3 July 2019 : hahahaha
3 July 2019 : apparently if you want me to relax you have to talk to me like my grandparents do at thanksgiving dinner. my grampa one year literally said to me “i’m never going to get to meet your children, am i?”
3 July 2019 : https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1011405056380493824?s=21
3 July 2019 : nurse took my blood pressure. 128/105. she dove into a long scary lecture about how i need to relax and have fun because “when the babies come, you won’t be able to have fun.” immediately, she retakes my blood pressure. it registers 126/84. what?!
3 July 2019 : 😢
3 July 2019 : if you would like it, that is. i redid the wiring so there’s no risk of it going haywire, though the twist knob is a little tight. could adjust to make that easier.
3 July 2019 : i own one such lamp, but it is in need of a shade.
3 July 2019 : when will my 10am doctor’s appointment begin pic.twitter.com/TVVkGq9DAr
3 July 2019 : the ad campaign was like “we’re gunna donate $1 for every person who watches the first episode of (some new show).” it felt like “watch this pilot or we’ll let queer babies suffer”
3 July 2019 : they’re advertising how much money they donated for pride month
3 July 2019 : i haven’t been able to remove paywall on mobile but hopefully that’s the “friends” link so u can read despite paywall.
3 July 2019 : i am now 45 minutes late for the appointment i was 15 minutes early to and the furthest i’ve gotten is filling out a mental health sheets a storm is brewin. https://medium.com/@taliajane/10-000-words-on-shitting-358281cf2f16
3 July 2019 : this “now serving” sign has been stuck on 994 since i got here. no one is being handed numbers, numbers aren’t being called. it’s unclear why it exists, except to serve as some very on the nose metaphor. pic.twitter.com/I1ftCurn1j
3 July 2019 : i’m so glad i showed up 15 minutes early for my doctor’s appointment so i could wait forever to get checked in. #10kWordsOnShit readers will know how i behave when a doctor’s appointment is dangled in front of my face and i’m left endlessly waiting.
3 July 2019 : because the suggestion removes them from feeling complicit without actually examining the situation
3 July 2019 : i love it
3 July 2019 : what’s the tattoo
3 July 2019 : lmao
3 July 2019 : get a fire engine, fill it with milk, and spray.
3 July 2019 : that’s no shock at all. when he finishes his sentences, they’re usually incredible.
3 July 2019 : i got 2 hours of sleep ahead of a day of doctors appointments and working a closing shift so y’all are in for a real wide array of weird shit from your blessed gal tal
3 July 2019 : i reach for the scissors at least every two weeks, if only to just trim
3 July 2019 : i haven’t slept and i couldn’t tell you where this came from
3 July 2019 : i would like to be dehydrated like a shrinky dink
3 July 2019 : if only tweets could sink ships
3 July 2019 : wild wild wild
3 July 2019 : holy shit
3 July 2019 : i don’t understand people who don’t!
3 July 2019 : who is the culprit behind the brooklyn minimalist industrial-rustic aesthetic and can they please invent a new vibe?
3 July 2019 : holy shit
3 July 2019 : wow who among us is a poet?
3 July 2019 : i saw lmao
3 July 2019 : damn. guess i’ll just have to do what i did last summer: self-inflicted wedgies
3 July 2019 : 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 thank you!!!!
3 July 2019 : reminded me of the quote “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”
3 July 2019 : 🎶 and i’m ashamed to be an american because none of us are free 🎶
3 July 2019 : holy ratio, batman! pic.twitter.com/nvHUOzQOVJ
3 July 2019 : does anyone wanna work my closing shift today
3 July 2019 : 💗
3 July 2019 : milkshake the tanks
3 July 2019 : three years ago i gave myself a blunt cut and dyed it light purple because (and knowing it was because) i was coping with ptsd. now i’m like [reads the news] “i gotta dye my hair magenta.”
3 July 2019 : has anyone needed a reason to get bangs or make drastic changes to their hair since 2016? is the “i’m going through a breakup” trend now just... coping with the realities of the world?
3 July 2019 : probably the concentration camps & your fearmongering that made them
3 July 2019 : i already use the subways!
3 July 2019 : this has given me much to think about
3 July 2019 : idk where i’ll be! what an adventure!
3 July 2019 : *googles* *reads* ohhhh wooooooooow hahahaha
3 July 2019 : @Whataburger let’s make this happen!!!!!
3 July 2019 : the two things i remember from my last visit is the melty cheese is done RIGHT and i need to inject whataburger gravy into my VEINS.
3 July 2019 : i changed my profile pic to celebrate visiting @def_not_emma next week. got the tickets in APRIL for $230 round trip (upgraded both flights from $150, unbelievable!!!!) and now it’s almost HERE. time, as they say, FLIES.
3 July 2019 : @Fritolay unmute me so you can make this genius product
3 July 2019 : i want a backpack that looks like a bag of chili cheese fritos and instead of a laptop compartment it has a compartment to store chili cheese fritos.
3 July 2019 : i’ll swallow the bullet whole
3 July 2019 : 😎
3 July 2019 : my fran wanted to know if i wanna do any comedy shows while i’m there and i wanna say yes but the last time i did standup i broke the microphone stand so i am. afraid of my strength.
3 July 2019 : i’ll shotgun the gravy, lux
3 July 2019 : i was mad when i heard about it too. and of COURSE i heard it because i have been a whataburger fan since i first tried it some 7 years ago. the burgers etc are whatever but the gravy. oh that gravy.
3 July 2019 : i’m going to texas next week n all i wanna do is shoot a gun at a bucket of whataburger gravy and then eat it while yellin YEEHAW
3 July 2019 : consider what is being fought against, what is being fought for, and it becomes very easy to support the fight by whatever means necessary.
3 July 2019 : at some point you’re gunna have to let go of the “i don’t condone violence” thing
3 July 2019 : all you’ve done in empathizing with a fascist is validate his views & expand his platform. so like, good job.
3 July 2019 : also: no way there was concrete. that was an invention. no way he’s got a brain hemorrhage. he’d be in the ICU, not on fox & writing for WSJ. i understand the urge to think with empathy first, but don’t let your desire to be kind make you blindly believe lies.
3 July 2019 : y’all we are really going in on the tomb of the unborn soldier at 6am on a wednesday. this is beautiful. https://twitter.com/syn/status/1146358744286158849
3 July 2019 : i’m like debating how far i wanna take this but i already know any store i walk into imma be turning the bags around to check
3 July 2019 : back of popchips pic.twitter.com/Di1N3og5vF
3 July 2019 : it was a conspiracy 200% invented out of thin air
3 July 2019 : maybe: focus on the xxxx matters
3 July 2019 : wonder if the first word is “focus”
3 July 2019 : this is why your “but milkshakes are MEAN” takes can go fuck themselves. antifa activists know exactly what we’re all up against, even if you don’t. https://twitter.com/gwensnyderphl/status/1146160387852779521
3 July 2019 : @Ferdelance @michellemalkin @Rambobiggs @Lucet_Veritas https://t.co/0TmezQBZKp
3 July 2019 : i’ve had to zoom in n out to ‘find’ the text for the same reason, but i think the m shows slightly through the white into the red (green) stripe
3 July 2019 : the screenshot above
3 July 2019 : i edited it to bring out the text. maybe it’s a newspaper? seems like the third word is “matter” or “matters.” i feel like i’m staring at a magic eye puzzle. pic.twitter.com/iE94Ds0kvl
3 July 2019 : that was my first guess too
3 July 2019 : i was in the middle of commenting on the pic to note that we use those boxes at work for salads & they’re a bitch to close when i noticed the puffy shape & then i caught the font & my head was like POUND THE ALARM
3 July 2019 : you can see the words & nutrition facts label through the flag. pic.twitter.com/apFPZpecYL
3 July 2019 : i urgently need to find out what brand of chips they put in this tomb of the unborn soldier to give it this shape https://twitter.com/lifecreep/status/1146153406228303873
3 July 2019 : oh my god it’s got a bag of chips in it pic.twitter.com/3LJtvscllr
3 July 2019 : the system for vacation time in aus is a lot different from the u.s. system
3 July 2019 : less works! also lmao
3 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/WlYynVOqDZ
3 July 2019 : not fond of these “yes” responses
3 July 2019 : ask them if they want their ass holes to sweat less after a long road of them sweating a lot!
3 July 2019 : you did!!!!!
3 July 2019 : omg it looks so good!!
3 July 2019 : ugh damn it
3 July 2019 : can’t wait for it to happen to you, you disingenuous loser :)
3 July 2019 : will losing weight make me sweat less in my ass hole?
3 July 2019 : lean into that
3 July 2019 : we’re best friends now
3 July 2019 : “the trees can’t cum if they’re burning.” i can’t tell whether i’m making people like this or if we’re twin souls gravitating toward each other by the magnitude of ourselves https://twitter.com/taintofartistry/status/1146285164923953154
3 July 2019 : lmao
3 July 2019 : these trees need more pineapple
3 July 2019 : jess!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 July 2019 : ah, new york in the summer, where the streets smell like shit when it’s dry & piss when it’s wet & the trees all smell like cum. a blessing from nature 🙏
3 July 2019 : wow. rest in peace, bruce lee 💔 a legend 😔 pic.twitter.com/YLqtOMOzsE
3 July 2019 : are you in a union or a salaried worker who has to use a set amount of vacation time annually, but you can’t afford to actually go anywhere? willing to chat about it on the record? dm me 😈
3 July 2019 : thanks to @sasimons every time i think about skincare steps i call them “doing the movements”
3 July 2019 : also i think this is the same chick who uploaded videos to a porn site of her eating a photo of pewdiepie while one of his videos played in the background
3 July 2019 : an icon
3 July 2019 : lmao i LOVE HER
3 July 2019 : 😰
3 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/uVXyXTrCF4
3 July 2019 : why won’t he let me love him?
3 July 2019 : the american flag should only have two stars and they should be hearts and they should be open hearts and they should be designed by jane seymour for kay jewelers
3 July 2019 : hahaha
3 July 2019 : thank u @Ahm76 for this #NewProfilePic pic.twitter.com/vR7OnPb5u0
2 July 2019 : i forgot my hair band at home so the hair is really gunna get to have herself a full-blown capital m Moment
2 July 2019 : don’t worry, they’re knockoffs
2 July 2019 : here she is drying out/in the outside light 😍 pic.twitter.com/00TUSXXj3J
2 July 2019 : if your hair is purple, legally you’re part of my shadow army (cc @mPinoe )
2 July 2019 : wow purple really compliments my skintone! pic.twitter.com/Eqz56pN62j
2 July 2019 : an HONOR to be comparable to YOU
2 July 2019 : plus it makes my eyes POP pic.twitter.com/BKwHvdAMbE
2 July 2019 : now that it’s dyed a color the overall pattern of where it’s dyed looks so much less “i’m going THROUGH something” and more intentional than when it was just bleached lol
2 July 2019 : on accident, of course
2 July 2019 : how come the avi is always so on point
2 July 2019 : she purpy pic.twitter.com/7ojuKHXSYo
2 July 2019 : u welc!
2 July 2019 : why is porn culture so brutally sweet sometimes?
2 July 2019 : i really appreciate the emphatic caps
2 July 2019 : i searched ‘thanos’ on pornhub (to impress @DesiJed ) and it sure is an adventure! pic.twitter.com/EpoUEaEfZJ
2 July 2019 : my grandparents were antiques roadshow types so watching this show now is watching as an adult considering how her 14-year old self would’ve consumed & reacted to it vs an adult reacting as an adult. it’s like acting of the mind.
2 July 2019 : if i’d seen veronica mars when it was on air i definitely would’ve realized i was queer way sooner
2 July 2019 : lol nvm just scroll this search https://www.pornhub.com/video/search?search=thanos
2 July 2019 : i’ll dm you what i can find
2 July 2019 : desi.
2 July 2019 : oh he’ll see it. he’ll SAVE it
2 July 2019 : done
2 July 2019 : i was thinking PR when i said 51 but sure let’s give statehood to DC too i GUESS
2 July 2019 : i’ve made a memé pic.twitter.com/2iiAykZmHE
2 July 2019 : miles.
2 July 2019 : hey niké i just read up a little bit on what’s actually going on. i do not want the shoes. keep them and keep conservatives mad. make shoes with a 51-star flag, i’ll take those.
2 July 2019 : they are both neutered so it’s unclear why this is happening aside from the fact freddie just likes it & kenobi is resigned enough to let it keep happening
2 July 2019 : kenobi’s face when freddie humps him is really a MOOD pic.twitter.com/cJ2xrDXscQ
2 July 2019 : oh my god!!!!!
2 July 2019 : hey nike @nike lemme get the shoes that make the conservatives mad- no not those ones, the other ones
2 July 2019 : i was!!! and i love/appreciate/respect you for providing me the needed info to enjoy your joke!!
2 July 2019 : WORD
2 July 2019 : OH. hahahahaha thank you so much for explaining the joke!!!!
2 July 2019 : looks like the optics could be easily resolved if the line had a bowl to toss the chicken in the sauce, but they don’t so they just gotta squirt it on there
2 July 2019 : the double down is a nightmare so brutally true to its disgustingness that you can’t help but stand in awe of it
2 July 2019 : at least that’s how i am when we get a new special that sounds disgusting. we got one recently that is just gross top to bottom and every time we made one, the line would just laugh among themselves at the customer for ordering it. “you wanna eat trash that’s your prerogative”
2 July 2019 : stoner 100%
2 July 2019 : i can see the kfc line cooks when they announced this sandwich being like “what the fuck? lmao that’s dumb as hell, but okay”
2 July 2019 : hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha https://twitter.com/seanludwig/status/1145854591034122241
2 July 2019 : wait i don’t know what it is
2 July 2019 : oh my god
2 July 2019 : I love America which is why it’s so important I take a stand against a pair of shoes https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1146096648445145089
2 July 2019 : #fuckfuckjerry ✊
2 July 2019 : 😰😰😰😰😰😰
2 July 2019 : i genuinely enjoy when people refer to the chaotic meme vomit spraying across the internet like someone puked into a fan as “online ephemera”
2 July 2019 : oh my god i’m a prophet https://twitter.com/mikeleffingwell/status/1145568061136592897?s=21
2 July 2019 : he used to be really skittish! he’s mellowed a lot over the years
2 July 2019 : he moved his head over cuz i moved my hand away but he was too sleepy to make a fuss, so he just laid there like this
2 July 2019 : good morning pic.twitter.com/6EPr9SzdQP
2 July 2019 : i wanna barf at how perfectly centrist that is
2 July 2019 : kenobi did this when he was a kitten. he still does it, or tries to get as close to possible to it if he can’t. pic.twitter.com/iYsdC4iTZZ
2 July 2019 : wonder how he plans to forgive past interest accrued in a way that isn’t exactly the same as the federal government eliminating all student loan debt. this is the “that better plan, but make it 1%”
2 July 2019 : lol “my plan is bold” https://twitter.com/ericswalwell/status/1145832436732956673
2 July 2019 : no it’s me after doing all the skincare steps 😔
2 July 2019 : when you do all the skincare steps but you’re still ugly pic.twitter.com/xWqhMuZSN4
2 July 2019 : that’s 50% of the total number of agents
2 July 2019 : there’s nothing that says we can’t sue the government for emotional distress
2 July 2019 : look @ his page
2 July 2019 : nah he doin a comedy
2 July 2019 : hell yeah
2 July 2019 : “we investigated ourselves and cleared ourselves of any wrongdoing.”
2 July 2019 : 💗
2 July 2019 : lmao i’m so stressed
2 July 2019 : phil please
2 July 2019 : it’s just frustration of an aesthetic without consideration for the functional reason it’s so popular
2 July 2019 : he closes it back on the cat advertises how the grill has a button that you press “and the flames come up” he presses the button does not reopen the grill to release the cat
2 July 2019 : did he just. grill the cat. https://twitter.com/playazball/status/1145329597652840448
2 July 2019 : he wore SANDALS with SLOUCHY JEAN PANTS https://twitter.com/omri_rawrlan/status/1145373796599078912
2 July 2019 : 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️
2 July 2019 : you’ll have to pry this jansport off my cold, dead shoulders
2 July 2019 : when will this site pay me for my work pic.twitter.com/C7Z8AtXQk9
2 July 2019 : whiskey with kirsty
2 July 2019 : so many names flew thru my head as i read it
2 July 2019 : wow dead
2 July 2019 : WHAT
2 July 2019 : hahaha
2 July 2019 : i’m constantly telling people here i need a week notice before doing *anything* and it’s weird to me that it’s weird to them
2 July 2019 : buy tickets now! pic.twitter.com/XUyLsiS4SJ
2 July 2019 : that rocks ass
2 July 2019 : fucked around nd made some chicken w a white wine reduction & some caramelized onions n a lil honey tahini sauce on the side and also lil rice cooked w saffron it looks like a plate of pee n poo lol
2 July 2019 : it's the pacific northwest, y'all https://twitter.com/thenextweb/status/1145854979560955904
2 July 2019 : a solid compromise
1 July 2019 : lol also doable
1 July 2019 : good! keep the phone in a sandwich bag so any glass shards/jagged edges don't bite you until you can get it fixed. you can also pour acrylic over the area where it's cracked to keep it together for awhile, but that's kind of a personal choice.
1 July 2019 : i'm saying this to myself about myself fyi pic.twitter.com/1tFJZ0OYvH
1 July 2019 : does the finger reader thing still work?
1 July 2019 : you gotta ask the questions without having the answer before you can rewrite to provide the answer and make the question into a deeper analysis that doesn't end with a ?
1 July 2019 : carrie bradshaw-style writing is big first draft energy
1 July 2019 : in that case keep on keepin on
1 July 2019 : switch to decaf
1 July 2019 : every reply to that tweet is “why are you bad at facts”
1 July 2019 : WOW
1 July 2019 : lol pic.twitter.com/Uu0bHKVO9p
1 July 2019 : and i’m whoever michaelangelo learned from!
1 July 2019 : got me so horned up i read a whole book - intro AND acknowledgments - just to get over it
1 July 2019 : it’s an art. you physically move away from what you’re hearing/seeing that you reject, then you give it an absurd grimace and roll your eyes to express your rejection, then you do a sarcastic jerkoff to illuminate how pointless and wasteful the thing you’re rejecting is.
1 July 2019 : nuh uh someone else sent it to me i just forgot to update everyone
1 July 2019 : idk
1 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/EAX7IZxuMj
1 July 2019 : Ever hear about Chris? https://twitter.com/pfenomenologist/status/1145159791960121344
1 July 2019 : pic.twitter.com/lVD4LZrQ8y
1 July 2019 : oh no does this mean i’m straight
1 July 2019 : this insta ad for ugly veggies got me big horny. that pepper HUNG pic.twitter.com/OMQ8HDGgKo
1 July 2019 : (in reality the hair seems “thicker” because the portion that is growing out after a shave has a blunt end (cuz you cut it!) and in any case it’s a stupid thing to worry about)
1 July 2019 : here’s a mock-up of me (thin, buff) and each of my armpits being one large follicle as a result of shaving which as we all know makes hair grow back thicker each time pic.twitter.com/NuJz0J796d
1 July 2019 : if hair grows back thicker every time you shave it and i’ve been shaving since i was 14, by this point shouldn’t each of my armpits be one giant hair follicle?
1 July 2019 : hahahaha iconic
1 July 2019 : YES AND YES
1 July 2019 : no
1 July 2019 : why’s there no gif of someone rolling their eyes while doing the jerkoff motion? is that not a common combo? it’s so effective.
30 June 2019 : YOOOOOOO
30 June 2019 : the racism is coming from his brain, not his bones, MAX.
30 June 2019 : i have castor oil. will keep you updated.
30 June 2019 : hahahahaha
30 June 2019 : sleepy boy strikes a pose pic.twitter.com/UILGr6QbZI
30 June 2019 : he’s an islamophobic far right racist who went to this event hoping to get attacked to further his anti-antifa narrative & rake in the dough. fash don’t deserve empathy.
30 June 2019 : @SpaceyO2 @DahleEivind “sounds like a ‘she asked for it’ argument. double standards much?” is such a cop-out, same as “how would you react if an antifa journalist got beat up like he did?!” folks dropping these questions oughta know better.
30 June 2019 : like, cmon
30 June 2019 : all of em
30 June 2019 : i mean i understand feeling icky laughing at someone’s pain and having even the tiniest thread to pick up to say ‘oh no this is serious, we can’t be mean!’ is a relief, but yeah, the readiness of that is frustrating
30 June 2019 : even with medical records/hospital bills i wanna hear from the doctor & confirm they had no prior relationship or arrangement. call me paranoid, i don’t fucking trust the fash.
30 June 2019 : fuckin wild
30 June 2019 : sorry if i’m not oozing ‘oh poor baby! so sad!’ at what looks pretty clearly like a stunt that is turning out better than expected. i’ve learned better than that.
30 June 2019 : oh i’m very aware
30 June 2019 : again: he went with the *intent* of getting beat up, recognized, turned into a media spectacle. and he’s not a journalist. the site he writes for is all far-right propaganda, some of it pure invention but most outright distortions of basic fact.
30 June 2019 : it’s just, i don’t wanna be cynically rejecting legit pain, but i can’t trust the far right whose all running around screaming with excitement that they get to cry victim for once, and they’re the source of claims re: cement, brain bleed, etc. like, prove it’s not a grift.
30 June 2019 : this is tricky. a far right hack was riling shit up pre-protest. far right activists said they’d infiltrate antifa. antifa beat the hack up. far right chuds claim cement in milkshakes, cops run with that. hack gets a cut on his earlobe. per far right chuds, it’s a brain bleed.
30 June 2019 : oooo we making lists of journalists now & pretending it’s journalism? hilarious. cute! obvious.
30 June 2019 : our Savior! 😍😍😍
30 June 2019 : “momlikedmemost.” past tense. yoinks!
30 June 2019 : so good
30 June 2019 : oh look, max boot wrote the template for what to say when you’re telling on yourself
30 June 2019 : Ever hear about Chris? pic.twitter.com/gMLXA02vFe
30 June 2019 : i don’t respond because i don’t see notifications from folks who don’t follow me (unless i go to the tweet to view — this is also useful in not getting overwhelmed if a tweet goes viral!) but i love the idea of trolls getting conspiratorial bc no one notices them. so good.
30 June 2019 : this babyfash troll (who fell into my mentions) is mad people he’s trying to troll aren’t responding to his tweets. that can only mean one thing.... folks are learning enough social media literacy to see obvious instigators for what they are 🙌 pic.twitter.com/Ld4fX5gexI
30 June 2019 : and the department of homeland security!
30 June 2019 : heather heyer should still be alive.
30 June 2019 : i’m not allowed to edit my own wikipedia page, otherwise that’s ALL it’d be about
30 June 2019 : trimmed my bangs 🤙
30 June 2019 : can non-babes do it?
30 June 2019 : michelle mal- aw fuck
30 June 2019 : i’m wreckin em one at a time, can’t you see
30 June 2019 : bienvenidos a miami
30 June 2019 : tuck chodd
30 June 2019 : what the fuck
30 June 2019 : i’m sorry did you say FIFTY POUNDS like for REAL?
30 June 2019 : take japper
30 June 2019 : fuh. do you have insurance?
30 June 2019 : when a person behaves beyond order, standards, law, they are seen as strange/alien. this does not mean their actions are inherently BAD, just that they exist beyond the *norm.* the norm as it stands is fucked up.
30 June 2019 : when the law says it is legal to kill unarmed poc, cage migrants seeking asylum, and let people die because they can’t afford medicine, the rule of law becomes null and void, and must be broken to effect a more equitable society.
30 June 2019 : rolling coins while watching tv is almost as difficult as being allowed to pay for things in rolls of coins pic.twitter.com/Xwtj3Ig2Hq
30 June 2019 : protests can be peaceful. maintaining peace amid chaos can be helpful. but insisting that the only valid form of protest are ones that are peaceful automatically vilifies anyone who stands up against oppression in ways you’ve been told are beyond the norm.
30 June 2019 : lmao “journalists”
30 June 2019 : wasn’t every one of those people you listed arrested for leading huge protests?
30 June 2019 : hahahahaha
30 June 2019 : usually coconut milk or soy creamer. i think the distinction is there’s more fat/sugar emulsified into the liquid so it’s thicker than milk
30 June 2019 : oh honey you know if i do your homework for you, you won’t learn anything :~}
30 June 2019 : well it’s funny cuz on the one hand i’m like ‘this doesn’t actually tell the whole picture’ but on the other i’m like ‘but that’s probably for the best.’
30 June 2019 : it can’t be turned around without distorting the actual dynamic in play. antifa & fascists aren’t two sides of the same coin.
30 June 2019 : imagine vegans being like “no that’s just what it tastes like, cuz it’s vegan.”
30 June 2019 : i ain’t advocating for violence against a gay person or an asian person & you know that. i’m advocating for eliminating a sense of safety for those who profit off of doing the same for large groups of people. sit with that & stop trying to distort it to fit what you want it to be
30 June 2019 : they weren’t, though.
30 June 2019 : i’m not famous though. this seems more like infamy lol
30 June 2019 : idk! it popped up one day when i was googling my name to find an article i wrote to send someone & i was like WHAT
30 June 2019 : seems weird to lump the first one with the second, i guess
30 June 2019 : the stance is “a person who advocates for violence towards marginalized groups and profits off of incentivizing division doesn’t deserve safety.”
30 June 2019 : idk, i wouldn’t be mad though lol
30 June 2019 : 3. the right is claiming there was cement, but the evidence indicates the milkshakes were *vegan* not cement. 4. fascists don’t deserve safety.
30 June 2019 : 1. the only way you know about internal bleeding is what folks on the right are saying 2. peaceful protests are pacifiers to make folks think they’re doing something without challenging any of the status quo. you don’t fight fascism with meditation.
30 June 2019 : so?
30 June 2019 : omg i just checked (to see if it’s still up) and the Controversy tab got PLURALIZED 💀💀💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/J96E9kuXp5
30 June 2019 : for now
30 June 2019 : chodes stay crying over spilled milkshakes
30 June 2019 : oh folks have def gone crypto & then full fash cuz of the financial appeal
30 June 2019 : of course they’re not calling themselves fascists, because they recognize the label is bad. doesn’t mean they aren’t engaging in fascist behavior/supporting fascist policies. name & shame only works when there’s something to be ashamed of.
30 June 2019 : they don’t know how vegan milkshakes are made
30 June 2019 : “a real human that exists in the world with a wikipedia page” 😂
30 June 2019 : eat me bitch https://twitter.com/matthewgalanty/status/1145218556428193792
30 June 2019 : it’s such a cute design!
30 June 2019 : they told him not to come, yet that was a bridge too far.
30 June 2019 : satanists are legit super chill!
30 June 2019 : no one is making you follow me, buddy.
30 June 2019 : antifa made it loud and clear he wasn’t welcome. he played that up ahead of the rally, acting scared and concern-trolling. he went hoping to get his ass beat for the coverage, and then he got his ass beat, now a gofundme set up for him is up to 65k.
30 June 2019 : everyone on the right is having soccer player-levels fake meltdowns over this. they just want to label antifascists as the true danger so folks will more readily embrace the violence & oppression of actual fascism. it’s piss baby pearl clutching.
30 June 2019 : your mom
30 June 2019 : gripping commentary pic.twitter.com/9oEPY7c9SH
30 June 2019 : there was a stand set up for “vegan” milkshakes. cops claim some of the milkshakes had quick drying cement. here’s the thing: quick drying cement IS vegan.
30 June 2019 : oh they too stupid to know how to do that lol
30 June 2019 : “lemme swim” pic.twitter.com/H7jmCb5Y5G
30 June 2019 : wearing tank tops, shorts, skirts, sleeveless shirts, dresses, or whatever the fuck else because it’s hot as hell out is not an invitation for your moldy ass to bug the shit outta me. socialize yourself better, geek.
30 June 2019 : this tweet & rt are giving off some major punk bitch energy
30 June 2019 : raise your hand if you agree dylan, the boy who gave me a swirly in the 7th grade because i dropped my retainer in his lunch while telling him to shut up, should get the chair pic.twitter.com/WpWbNgckoM
30 June 2019 : lmao
29 June 2019 : it’s cuz he’s not very good at being a provocateur. he’s crypto
29 June 2019 : folks just don’t realize they SHOULD do it
29 June 2019 : excitedly waiting for the mass reporting to trip an auto-suspension because i LAUGHED at a FASH who got beat up by SILLY STRING and VEGAN MILKSHAKES
29 June 2019 : thank u baby 💋
29 June 2019 : lmao take a xanax sis
29 June 2019 : no you jizz bucket i’m celebrating CLICKS
29 June 2019 : yee
29 June 2019 : pic.twitter.com/nuRLIukka7
29 June 2019 : lmao
29 June 2019 : SAME
29 June 2019 : love the trend of “lemme slam dunk this bitch by reading/sharing things she’s written” 💋
29 June 2019 : “”””journalist””””
29 June 2019 : if you wanna hurt my feelings you gotta follow me first, honey! pic.twitter.com/IeroByNdGR
29 June 2019 : “””for no reason”””
29 June 2019 : stay mad & keep googling me, baby.
29 June 2019 : andy ngo’s followers are incredibly stupid & incredibly passionate about supporting him because he makes them think their bland stupidity is actually smart & edgy. what a grift!
29 June 2019 : lmfao https://twitter.com/hamiltonsmayor/status/1144596210621321216
29 June 2019 : @grimSleeper59 @MrAndyNgo silly string is violent lmao
29 June 2019 : lmao
29 June 2019 : housing is v confusing topic!
29 June 2019 : so... sprawl bad density good?
29 June 2019 : correct decision!
29 June 2019 : no thanks i’m good!
29 June 2019 : if i were a fascist little bitch beating a bad faith drum just to make money, yeah dude i hope
29 June 2019 : *adds to spank bank*
29 June 2019 : share your location sis!
29 June 2019 : damn right i am
29 June 2019 : are you a baby? a baby who isn’t allowed to cuss? call me a cunt like a grown up, i’m so close to orgasm.
29 June 2019 : isn’t there problem with that re: building on land prone to fire/flood/mudslides?
29 June 2019 : saw in a thread they’re vegan 😂
29 June 2019 : “your parents need to be slapped” lol i literally DREAMED i did that last night and i woke up BEAMING but if i can contract out that task to a third party i’d love to get video of it
29 June 2019 : start with my dad, thanks!! https://twitter.com/mrsdigger/status/1145079424045506561
29 June 2019 : the first rule of comedy is to always punch up so yeah, imma cheer when fascists get their asses beat.
29 June 2019 : lmao he got wrecked by silly string oh my goddddddd https://twitter.com/jimryan015/status/1145067852375851008
29 June 2019 : enjoy your $2000 ice packs & advil lmao https://twitter.com/mrandyngo/status/1145074992398290944
29 June 2019 : (and mine!!!!!!!!! i LOVE you!!!!!)
29 June 2019 : it’s in YOUR best interests
29 June 2019 : everyone who has ever scorned me ends up wrecked. what an incredibly purifying, powerful knowledge to hold in my heart.
29 June 2019 : stay salty, bitch!
29 June 2019 : lmao
29 June 2019 : hahahahahahahaha you look like SHIT bro
28 June 2019 : bonk bonk i wrote about feeling like shit when friends offer to cover my meal for @Healthline . i also included some tips (!) in unlearning this behavior! take me out to dinner so i can practice them!! https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/friend-paying-for-meal-shame-poverty#1
28 June 2019 : anyway i’m glad this debate is happening so i can finally say this and y’all have the context to know what i mean
28 June 2019 : marianne williamson made my friend go insane and tweet that he loves hitler and AIDS
21 June 2019 : @Craigipedia are you laughing because you think the focus of this is a soy pun
21 June 2019 : @Pegglepuss EXACTLY
19 June 2019 : @useless_weirdo you know what you have to do :(
19 June 2019 : @bombaysaphfire i hear you. wasn’t my intent, as anyone can get dogged so hard they cough up cum, but understand that rubio’s gender inherently implies anal. republican senators do tend to be cis men, so i suppose that further pushes that implication. alas, my mind was focused on the cum.
18 June 2019 : “i bought the whole town” who the fuck
16 June 2019 : RT @davideastUK: [middle english period group chat] feudalismluvr: havin roast beef w/gravé tonite groats4days: lol gravé saxon_69: gravé…
15 June 2019 : a true hero has risen from the ashes of the wife guys. go forth, supportive husband, through the fires of internet virality and have your victorious revenge. https://twitter.com/catatonicyouths/status/1139688498003267584
14 June 2019 : or sliding off into the sea after a fire. or parched waiting for a fire. or shaking. or-
14 June 2019 : when it’s not on fire!
14 June 2019 : it is very funny to me when someone gives a restaurant a bad review because they tried to bring in a dog (health code!) or because the cashier didn’t smile at them. you think you’re owning the restaurant when all you’re doing is showin ya ass
13 June 2019 : my roommate & i both separately bought two tickets to a mamma mia sing a long screening (I KNOW!!!!) so now we have FOUR tickets. june 19th @ 9:20p at syndicated it’s sold out!!! anyone who wants to catch this but missed out please hit me up!!!! pic.twitter.com/IXDjs7eiqs
9 June 2019 : i love my gravey wife
5 June 2019 : @ApplePieHubbub brainwashing is a hell of a drug
5 June 2019 : RT @AlisonFurlong1: @itsa_talia writes (wonderfully as always) about the language of "so poor right now." Also she successfully cold-called…
5 June 2019 : @KristaDiamond thank you!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
4 June 2019 : thank u @JessicaKRoy 🤓❤️🤓 https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a27724544/poor-vs-broke/
4 June 2019 : not acknowledging the obvious gimmick attempting to derail legitimate activism/boost the profiles of bigots but fully expect the reaction to draw the awareness of actual fascists & have it become another charlottesville nope nope nope no thank you
3 June 2019 : RT @TimBarnes451: Get u a man who can do both https://t.co/1EcJr0A4if
2 June 2019 : big mood ruiner pic.twitter.com/4VkURcbjQI
2 June 2019 : my roommate dislikes it (she prefers scented candles, because she's Classy) but it reminds me of fall in northern california and helps ease my senses when i'm stressed out over work stuff. she'll know when i'm super stressed & need isolation if she smells it.
2 June 2019 : i love the concept of incense. do you want to smell something burning, but not freak out about it? try this stick. incense: the thing that makes you go 'wait is something on f- ohh never mind i'm just bohemian'!
2 June 2019 : @literElly no u gotta second the motion then we collectively vote
2 June 2019 : emma not happy i woke her up to refill her water https://t.co/3ux6Xq6lH4
31 May 2019 : yes no shit hot button issues are hot button issues. that’s not what i’m saying. go actually at an anti-abortion chode if you’ve got that kinda energy to burn.
31 May 2019 : @hannahgais @jonrosenberg truly sorry to hear
28 May 2019 : freelancer.jpeg pic.twitter.com/UlppPG9n9i
28 May 2019 : RT @lizawitha_z: I’m the aaarrrrma offff the angelllll https://t.co/rNiArjelkr
28 May 2019 : @monicabyrne13 awww what a wonderful ep
26 May 2019 : @NoraReed i turned donate off cuz i’d have to deposit funds (after a fee) then redonate to other gfm’s minus another fee
26 May 2019 : UPDATE: gofundme deleted our campaign to raise 143 million dollars to make a movie about the ms-13 grifter. we now have concrete evidence confirming ms-13 runs gofundme.
25 May 2019 : @AndyRichter need us a twangy jam about how communication is the foundation to any healthy relationship
24 May 2019 : thank u 🤓 pic.twitter.com/s7Tc95TF4u
24 May 2019 : like this https://t.co/F8hRxtrSxA
24 May 2019 : editors please note that current works on this topic only note the existence of the difference. my focus is on the psychosocial impact of conflating the two.
24 May 2019 : lol
23 May 2019 : i told you i’m bad at pitching
23 May 2019 : oh and taliajanework @ gmail
23 May 2019 : (editors, please note that obo means “or best offer.”)
23 May 2019 : (editors, this is me pitching to you. i do not know how to Pitch Correctly but this is effectively a pitch with a built-in measure of audience interest, which a regular pitch doesn't come with, so this is actually better than a regular pitch, i'm a genius. my rate is $10000, obo)
23 May 2019 : and that's all you're getting for free
23 May 2019 : 'i can't, i'm poor right now' def signals 'i don't have funds to do this.' but the interchangeability between 'broke' and 'poor' is unintentionally revealing. we can equate being poor with inaccessibility (correct) but casually link it to personal (vs systemic) strain (incorrect)
23 May 2019 : broke is a temporary strain and poor is a constant. you're broke because you just bought a vacation to hawaii. you're poor because you make $7.25 an hour. people who are broke tend to say they're poor, as though their temporary strain has put them in lesser social standing.
23 May 2019 : very badly want to write about the difference between broke vs poor & the social impact of frequently mixing up the two.
22 May 2019 : @WayTooLateTV she’s so uppity & particular and he’s so laid back in comparison cuz she worked in her kitchen and he worked in a restaurant. it’s such a funny dynamic.
21 May 2019 : @thejessgoodwin @ParkerMolloy i mean i read it in my voice but there’s little room between mine and dwight schrute’s so
20 May 2019 : @parochialnimrod ya exactly
20 May 2019 : @Tormny_Pickeals it really is a beaut
20 May 2019 : @justkelly_ok wow now i know all i need to do to get you somewhere is tell you they got big tubs. nice.
18 May 2019 : the interviewer going “mhm, hmm, mhm!” at the end made me want to vomit in his shoes
18 May 2019 : @BelleOCosity goddamn. i fully get that. i made more last year than the year before and i’m trying to get every doctor visit & test & dental thing done because i’m so certain that i won’t have it next year & i won’t be able to afford anything without it.
17 May 2019 : @literElly 10/10 would let u blow up my phonizzle again
16 May 2019 : @JohariFrasier imagine only putting them in the dishwasher! you gotta scrub/soak first!
13 May 2019 : @literElly mainly my question is: how many posts/tweets should happen a day how often can you repeat the same posts/tweets in a 7-day period
13 May 2019 : @literElly i've been up all night working on a content calendar :(
13 May 2019 : brad got suspended but we must still honor this legendary self-burn pic.twitter.com/f9HgANNihB
13 May 2019 : half of you are talking about a game and the other half are talking about GoT but it all seems exactly the same. so i’d like to contribute to the timeline that i’m watching jane the virgin and the rat babies refuse to eat from this perfect charcuterie i made them https://t.co/urjyI0vuZB
10 May 2019 : @JDACW yeah i remember following her and being like woah! rad! and then leading into the primaries/immediately after i was like ............oh no
10 May 2019 : but go ahead & keep claiming horseshoe cuz it’s all just a contest on who knows more vocabulary words.
9 May 2019 : @SaraMorrison dang. i booked a trip for july & when i booked it was $200. forgot to remove flight price updates. after i booked it went to $230. now $300
9 May 2019 : @noreaga are u trying to die
8 May 2019 : rich people aren’t better with money than poor people. they just have the benefit of a system that ensures they can be as bad with money as possible - like, holy shit, how can anyone be that bad with money?? - and still stay rich.
7 May 2019 : i got the same notice. i suspect everyone who reported them did too!
7 May 2019 : pic.twitter.com/f9VXrmRM9T
7 May 2019 : i emailed the editors stating as much
7 May 2019 : woah may meltdown in aisle fashy faux leftist. still goin. baffling.
7 May 2019 : hello stan
7 May 2019 : RT @gardeningFIRE: When Talia tweeted, "if the consequences of his actions are that he loses his job, then that’s wholly his responsibility…
7 May 2019 : https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/07/creepy-men-dm-online-harassment
7 May 2019 : RT @BaseIncomeQuote: Unconditional Basic Income is Unconditional Basic Inheritance. All of us alive today were born into a world none of us…
6 May 2019 : @cloudymallo the fashy leftist crowd
6 May 2019 : i relate to gaga's met gala wardrobe because i, too, wear many layers in the spring. man, she really 'gets' me.
6 May 2019 : i almost logged on to mastodon 😩 but i couldn’t remember my login 😂
6 May 2019 : i guess twitter decided this wasn’t the hill they wanted to die on
6 May 2019 : crypto fash can suck eggz
6 May 2019 : i was suspended for responding to a tweet with an innocuous phrase, which the account then used to mass report me. it’s clear who they’re affiliated with and what their intent was. what’s not clear is what @TwitterSafety is doing to prevent trolls from exploiting their system. pic.twitter.com/2GosAvdp1u
6 May 2019 : GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE pic.twitter.com/MZuKIoptK9
6 May 2019 : unfortunately, https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1125262417750106112?s=20
6 May 2019 : the bay of pigs invasion was about all these men coming into my mentions thinking they could try it
6 May 2019 : women “just take it” all the time to protect their personal, professional, and physical safety. but i’m a wild bitch with nothing to lose and i’m as tired of just taking it as i am of men thinking women should just absorb their shitty behavior. we are not paper towels. https://twitter.com/HockeyBonesBeer/status/1125242526749855746
6 May 2019 : it’s really workin out that i changed my avi back. saves time.
6 May 2019 : interesting this excuse didn’t bubble up until after i released his name and he got suspended. he had plenty of chances. the damage control on this is like pouring gas onto a fire. https://twitter.com/vraiq/status/1125177787013160960
6 May 2019 : you really wanna die on this hill huh
5 May 2019 : for the record, i’m not trying to end anyone’s career and i emailed his editors as much earlier today. if the consequences of his actions are that he loses his job, then that’s wholly his responsibility. his behavior is not my fault. pic.twitter.com/Zmvz8N48HA
5 May 2019 : ....or is it cum?
5 May 2019 : email from seattle times executive editor don shelton: pic.twitter.com/yQo6O4eCba
5 May 2019 : hello media people, i don’t have any comment to add. i think what i said already pretty clearly sums it up. also, please unionize your newsrooms.
5 May 2019 : he sent an email asking for empathy to not out him and promised a $1,000 donation to NOW. wrong move. women are not toys. we certainly should not be played with and efforts to manipulate us will not be tolerated. live with your choices. pic.twitter.com/ZKmEgBQSfh
5 May 2019 : the emotional exhaustion that comes with calling out bad behavior from cis men in positions of relative power cannot be talked about enough.
5 May 2019 : just received response from the executive editor. i responded asking to be updated on what action is taken. in the meantime, he did finally deactivate. pic.twitter.com/wN87xanINT
5 May 2019 : want to let everyone know that i recognize the danger in sharing this experience but not revealing who it is. i'm not going to keep him anonymous. i just need to go through the official route first. also i seriously need to sleep because i haven't done that yet.
5 May 2019 : 50/50
5 May 2019 : i’ll update when i hear from the editors. at this time i’d like to redirect everyone’s attention to this other thread from last night, because “the cactus can’t see” has been cracking me up all night/morning. https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1124889742527664131?s=20
5 May 2019 : lmao 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/mS190acKea
5 May 2019 : i initially emailed the exec editor & managing editor but the managing editor had an OOO automatic reply saying to email two other editors, so
5 May 2019 : baby’s first Letter To All The Editors pic.twitter.com/JU8AVAdWu2
5 May 2019 : i've been pretty fair in options to remedy this but not knowing how to delete your account is such a weak excuse i decided to provide an additional option. pic.twitter.com/OnR9aH8w7x
5 May 2019 : [identifying paper’s name redacted] times? more like [redacted] times up.
5 May 2019 : my job: making sandwiches not my job: caring that your own dumbass behavior hurt your wife
5 May 2019 : in what world is it my job to care? pic.twitter.com/lJ4sEvR4VL
5 May 2019 : i was having a really lovely night and now my whole body is so tense that i’m shivering. i’ve done nothing to encourage this or signal in any capacity that this behavior would be welcome. all i did wrong was exist!
5 May 2019 : checking those time stamps like “maybe i would be a good investigative reporter 🧐”
5 May 2019 : testing the waters & feigning oopsie is pretty typical in sexual harassment. so is initiating conversation on the premise of professionalism. did he forget i got a writer’s 10-year career wiped from a website for this exact behavior? pic.twitter.com/NIfuZL6W9z
5 May 2019 : feeling supes chill that an established, married journalist is so comfortable using my lack of a job to get me to chat so he can tell me i have cum on my beautiful, hilarious face. laughing beautifully through buckets of cum that anyone thinks i, of all people, wouldn’t post this
5 May 2019 : do men realize they don’t *have* to hit send
5 May 2019 : being a woman is totally normal and very cool pic.twitter.com/YSjk5frlJ4
5 May 2019 : RT @jourdayen: I adore how pure this is https://t.co/huMQXruIyO
5 May 2019 : check out glactus on broadway. a sharp new form of performative theater.
5 May 2019 : fun is bad and art is illegal. pic.twitter.com/ti1SY0Fi5L
5 May 2019 : glactus pic.twitter.com/da8mlLnB9p
5 May 2019 : put glasses on a cactus pic.twitter.com/eeQnTMK3C9
3 May 2019 : taxis still exist! and juno is a ride-share app that gives drivers a far better cut (40% vs 17%) with prices comparable to lyft/uber’s single rider (not shared) services. inconvenience is a pretty baseline point of striking.
3 May 2019 : May 8th, Uber & Lyft drivers are striking. Ordering a ride from either service during their fight for fair wages is crossing the picket line. So don’t do it. https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1124385385252040705
29 April 2019 : @CopyDan what’s a conjunction
27 April 2019 : RT @katya_zamo: I wanna star in a Home Alone reboot where I get maimed by one of my booby traps early on so I convince the burglars to take…
27 April 2019 : i just watched beetlejuice for the first time in ages. am i missing something or did they go from the wedding scene straight to lydia living alone with two ghosts
25 April 2019 : RT @ohhhnataliee: the b in lgbt* stands for https://t.co/AtYxL5vef2
22 April 2019 : alright. when the great recession was in full swing, shit was insane. folks bailed on houses & cars they couldn’t afford, enormous lines at unemployment offices, and a not-insubstantial number of stories about someone with a robust education+work history unable to find a job.
20 April 2019 : a catcaller told me i smelled good and i said “i haven’t showered, i just sprayed myself with lots of perfume!” and he said dejectedly “why’d you tell me that” :) it’s so you think about how much my butt smells instead of sexualizing my existence :)
10 April 2019 : @blaringcoverage hahaha they say the line between hate and love is razor thin!
10 April 2019 : the old guard in media is boring. unoriginal. self-congratulatory blandness regurgitating the same content without any sense of growth or interest in the work they do. @nytimes let me write an op ed about why shitting is my god.
9 April 2019 : idk i always tip on final
9 April 2019 : ~~~~20% is too much~~~~ bitch shut the fuck up pic.twitter.com/MgTwt6N32a
9 April 2019 : firstly, workers should make a living wage (different from a minimum) regardless of the work. tips shouldn’t be necessary to survive. but since that’s such an ~impossibility~ because our system is super fucked up, just do what you can (tip +20%) to help your fellow worker.
9 April 2019 : the ugly curmudgeons too busy jacking off their misplaced egos to realize they shouldn’t try it sure are trying it pic.twitter.com/kOu4bvVHxt
9 April 2019 : to wong foo is 2 queens queer eye-ing a whole town plus a drag princess, in 4 days, with perfect eyeliner. inspiring.
8 April 2019 : the leg move to scare him back inside is so so classic. freddie likes going out onto the fire escape but he also likes trying to see if he can jump from it onto my ac. last night i opened the window without a screen on it and that bitch immediately walked out onto the LEDGE
8 April 2019 : yep they’ll do that.
8 April 2019 : for the love of god, stop taking financial advice from places that haven’t had an original thought since 1989. divest yourself from bullshit.
8 April 2019 : when you step into a restaurant, the financial choices you make aren’t just yours anymore. you’re responsible for giving a shit about your fellow worker, the people who make your food, and the person who seated you. if you’re not up for that responsibility, stay home & fuck off.
8 April 2019 : selling people the idea that they *deserve* to be greedy & selfish & that they only need to worry about benefitting themselves is the same mentality that justifies cutting out school lunch programs. “i got mine, who cares if you got yours??” it’s toxic and dehumanizing.
8 April 2019 : companies like cnbc (finance sites/mags/papers targeting upper-middle class people) continue trying to feed bullshit specks of an enormous financial lie to a population who increasingly know better. it’s not just frustrating, but straight up embarrassing how far behind y’all are.
8 April 2019 : servers make between $2 & $4 an hour, sometimes less. tips make up the difference, ensuring servers make at least minimum wage. when they don’t, the company pays (tip credit). when the company pays, they cut back on servers/hours, which in turn makes your experience worse.
8 April 2019 : why do you guys still run the same bullshit you’ve been trying to sell since the 80s? get a new angle. fuck.
7 April 2019 : @BigMeanInternet wooooooow i can’t wait for the all bros to go full alt right trying to maintain the stan for their boy
7 April 2019 : i called my gramma and she answered the phone with “hi honey! you get your flu shot yet?”
7 April 2019 : @HowardSchultz this means nothing
7 April 2019 : @WayTooLateTV love the energy of diving into a tweet with the full disclosure of “i read an article the other day.” i value the transparency.
6 April 2019 : @seandehey lol
4 April 2019 : @Burkhy94 haven’t seen it
3 April 2019 : a bathroom with carpeting. mmm.
3 April 2019 : RT @andrewperezdc: uhh if that’s gonna be your take you should probably run this disclosure at the top https://t.co/VZFfOVLGP2
29 March 2019 : can’t describe how exciting it was to hang out with @RVoronaCote and meet @plitter today💕 https://t.co/1jmp4QXGwn
29 March 2019 : this just made me horny for milk
28 March 2019 : that was unbelievably cinematic and the result is. well, something! https://t.co/paKDM9fdEc
26 March 2019 : @RivkaGheist @alilemer IM SORRY IM SORRY I HAVENT EXPERIENCED MOST THINGS WHATS CLAY POT
24 March 2019 : the whole theater was cheering so loud at his BOXERS that we missed all the dialogue for two full minutes and didn’t care
23 March 2019 : @Guinz cher is unjinxable
20 March 2019 : *coughs loudly* https://t.co/a6ZktZNDnE
20 March 2019 : @CourtneySoliday i feel like in many ways, it already is
18 March 2019 : @brosandprose shane dawson
16 March 2019 : i want someone to do my hair in the TV Show Curl style and also i need celery and carrots and maybe some turmeric? so i can make myself a big pot of chicken & rice soup to sustain me for the next 3 days
15 March 2019 : RT @bransonreese: After VA Tech I watched the manifesto because I “had to know” and it fucked me up for years. Don’t share the manifesto.
14 March 2019 : the owner came in today, saw my apron, and said “THATS A GOOD LOOKIN APRON” and i smiled wearily https://t.co/vXzal0wW8s
13 March 2019 : RT @tweetsby_nicole: When white women scam their children into ivy leagues vs black women who sent their kids to better school districts ge…
10 March 2019 : @rosadona how you not gunna post it cmon
9 March 2019 : you can’t say anything these days. *scoffs* everything has to be (air quotes) “PC” or you’re DEAD. last week i went to an ostrich farm with my wife & i said “that ostrich looks like spiro agnew.” the ostrich got so offended she called the cops on me! now i’m in ostrich jail!
8 March 2019 : today one of my coworkers grabbed a piece of bread to eat and while waiting for the toaster, he stuck his finger through the slice so i said to him “with this ring, i thee bread” 10/10 pun
6 March 2019 : @42percentItalia absolutely
5 March 2019 : @ashleyfeinberg democrats too!!!!!!!
4 March 2019 : @FrozenSchuster @AstroKatie @CERN that you’ll soon regret ❤️
4 March 2019 : @Brocklesnitch i simply adore you so much it hurts
3 March 2019 : i think my biggest motivator has been knowing that when all life is wiped out on earth & the systems that sustain us are destroyed with global fires, there will be no one & nothing to remember any of us so might as well live big and take some risks and never, ever colonize mars.
3 March 2019 : @lmaolita ❤️
2 March 2019 : @VMFitz @yashar omg it just happened
1 March 2019 : RT @RAICESTEXAS: BABIES SHOULD NOT BE IN PRISON. BABIES SHOULD NOT BE IN PRISON. BABIES SHOULD NOT BE IN PRISON. BABIES SHOULD NOT BE IN PR…
25 February 2019 : @NickTagliaferro @JumaaneWilliams look, any guy on the ballot is never going to be perfect but he’s endorsed by leadership i respect and his work aligns with things i want to see from a public advocate.
24 February 2019 : i want us to make scones together and then eat them while sitting in chairs incorrectly.
21 February 2019 : RT @ianmcginty: Testing a pizza recipe for a bad movie party this weekend -__- https://t.co/jVRZW42DdD
21 February 2019 : @eliotbeer haha kenobi (pictured) is def the designated spokescat. i recently reorganized my room so there’s not much to knock over, but he loves putting his full weight on my laptop when it’s available to him to get me to get up.
20 February 2019 : my coworkers think my kimchi burn is a tattoo and it makes me sad knowing something they find interesting about me will disappear
19 February 2019 : @jourdayen holy smokes!!!!!
18 February 2019 : @joshhayes51 must be weird creating content using communally pooled funding to unironically rail against a system based on communally pooled funding
15 February 2019 : so tempted to tweet “paypal me ten bucks to date me” but 1. someone might actually try to do that and 2. that is far too pricey - no one dates me even for free.
12 February 2019 : i’m available for corporate birthday parties ONLY
12 February 2019 : @yashar @TWLadyGrey inspired by cleaning out my wallet :( https://t.co/3svtOMncHv
27 January 2019 : has this aspect of the marie kondo craze been discussed yet https://t.co/or2Io9jbZS
26 January 2019 : @_JDBurroughs_ @ParchmentScroll @HillaryClinton no it should be fight song but only the first verse
26 January 2019 : @yellowcardigan @stanleypicnic please hug @juskewitch for me
26 January 2019 : @CopyDan @jennyyangtv didn’t he film a fake sex tape in an effort to boost his fame back when sex tapes were career-makers?
26 January 2019 : don’t retweet “why’s no one talking about this?!?!” tweets into my timeline. it negates the post and also makes you look like a very, very easy mark who can be minorly guilt tripped into doing just about anything i want if i play my cards right
25 January 2019 : @Mobute AHHHHHHHH
24 January 2019 : @pxwhittle they think it’s like a fancy walking cane and it is NOT
23 January 2019 : @useless_weirdo NONE
22 January 2019 : RT @ianmcginty: So we were watching Bumblebee at North Hollywood @Cinemark and someone fucking pegged me in the back of the head with a god…
22 January 2019 : @1947Jamie you can & should add me if you haven’t already
21 January 2019 : the dudes trying to @ me on this will find i learned many years ago how to ignore you and that skill has only grown stronger with time!!!!!!
21 January 2019 : wow y’all see the moon tonight https://t.co/EM5SHSkDRf
18 January 2019 : @ZeiseJeff @AlexFirer i just don’t understand how anyone gets paid that much money for anything. if her PA is making 325k i can’t imagine how much she or her manager make. christ.
18 January 2019 : i’m such a bastard but god i’m having fun https://t.co/UhLg0udjyP
17 January 2019 : RT @BreeNewsome: I want to publicly express my support for @ClarissaMBrooks who I know b/c of her involvement in the modern southern Black…
15 January 2019 : @_chapelperilous @edzitron for *servers* and NYCDOH has stricter guidelines than ServSafe does.
14 January 2019 : don’t say i didn’t fricken warn u
13 January 2019 : it would be a righteous fuck you to the ex and would also do an incomprehensible amount of good. she was rich before him. she can give it all away and still be fine.
13 January 2019 : i just realized i’ve had notifications disabled for all my news apps for the past week and it’s why i’m so unaware of anything people are talking about + so content to tweet inane bullshit. only one of my shoes is untied and i kinda like how it feels.
12 January 2019 : yelp WILL likely try to fire you for attempting to unionize & come up with a bullshit excuse - they fired me for legally protected concerted activity - but that just makes a lawsuit against them that much stronger. so, unionize. let them fuck up.
12 January 2019 : if 30% of employees want to form a union the NLRB will help pursue that process. yelp hq had about 150 CSRs at my time, plus 200 account managers/misc folks whose job is to extort businesses into buying ads for very little pay. they cannot fire you for attempting to unionize.
12 January 2019 : pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, the one right over there you likely didn’t notice had a person behind it until i said something. don’t pull back that curtain or talk to the adult man with the impressive beard and a top hat who is for sure not behind THAT curtain
12 January 2019 : a hot tip: if you’re trying to prevent your workers from unionizing or realizing how hard they’re getting fucked by your absurdly low pay, don’t bring to their attention that one person whose whole thing is encouraging people to demand a living wage.
12 January 2019 : lol apparently yelp talked/talks shit about me to new hires as though that somehow erases the fact that they knowingly pay full time workers less than $15/hr despite the excruciating cost of living & prohibitive travel costs in the area lol pic.twitter.com/MY2EVxTY12
12 January 2019 : if anything, coverage should be about how much TSA agents have done trying to keep self-centered douchebags safe while flying, how much they care despite the steep setbacks.
12 January 2019 : 100%. should’ve refused to work as soon as the shutdown hit, imo. don’t let em play games with your livelihood.
12 January 2019 : every article about TSA agents amid the shutdown frames it like this before going into any empathy or concern for the workers themselves, btw. the conditions that will worsen that we should care about: the government is deliberately holding 800,000 workers hostage for politics.
12 January 2019 : this is poor writing. the “conditions” the writer is pointing to focus on the woe-is-you annoyance of longer lines/wait times when flying and he knows it, which is why there’s a lack of specificity. zoom out and it’s clear this is just whining about mild inconvenience.
12 January 2019 : hello news people, TSA agents are not “refusing to work for no pay” or the cause for why “conditions will worsen.” they’re *unable to afford to work* for no pay. it’s not their fault. stop framing like TSA agents are making your traveling difficult. they’re people, in crisis. pic.twitter.com/rzqajFzvnj
12 January 2019 : @Cecconi140 eat spicy foods often. they are good for you + delicious! your sensitivity decreases with increased exposure.
7 January 2019 : @AOC @CillizzaCNN don’t stop
6 January 2019 : RT @JuddLegum: Lowering the corporate tax rate to 21%, which is lower than it's been since 1938, is a lot more radical than taxing income o…
4 January 2019 : @AlannaBennett hi just circling back to let you know i am 10000% serious.
4 January 2019 : the conversation continues: who gives a shit. this ain’t “when sally met deadline” or “when harry met sally while she was investigating a piece on public land mismanagement” it’s when harry. met. fucking. sally!!!!!!
2 January 2019 : good morning! last night in my dream my twitter showed i had 5 million tweets and only 3 followers and i said “finally, that’s correct” and then i woke up and realized i’m the only one who thinks i’m doing a convincing job laughing off my depression & anxiety hahahaha :D
28 December 2018 : @anissadet lol no, midtown manhattan!
26 December 2018 : @BigJDubz lotta folks hitting me with a “thanks” thinking this is just another ‘send me tweets to rt’ thing, so i’m on high alert now! i’m glad it tickles you though!!!!!
22 December 2018 : @AllyHirschlag they pay $20 for their phones
22 December 2018 : @naterankin90 adds a great addition to toasted breads
22 December 2018 : RT @chefjoseandres: And I will offer again Free Sandwiches to the poor men and women of the federal government, republicans and democrats,…
22 December 2018 : @sasimons what’s that old adage about not shooting messengers? i forget. love he missed the obvious in the ‘good stuff’ tweet, which followed an announcement your newsletter would be called ‘good stuff.’ top notch brain.
18 December 2018 : damn. https://t.co/cwlLMTF7Hy
16 December 2018 : @JohnnyPompeii *grabs the popcorn*
15 December 2018 : @manymanywords lol no i think you can get it because you’re supporting independent creators! just add a “shop small” button and you’re set 👍
13 December 2018 : @Simonjenkin YES
12 December 2018 : @lindsayasanders @KillerMartinis ❤️❤️❤️
12 December 2018 : holy fucking shit https://t.co/MtMWiKxJK6 https://t.co/ctBSxzwUbi
10 December 2018 : why are bar bathrooms so heightist!!!!!!!!!!!!! https://t.co/nkwpbic4YX
7 December 2018 : @bananafitz sounds like a mellow anxiety attack
3 December 2018 : i have approx 12 books i’d be willing to give away. they range from contemporary fiction, nonfiction, and memoir. they’re all used and i’d like to give them to folks who otherwise couldn’t read/buy/rent them. what are some good resources?
30 November 2018 : im gunna ask ben sasse to blurb my book
30 November 2018 : queerness in non-queer or flatout hostile spaces requires developing a second language, largely subtle signaling. it’s individually learned but, as illustrated above, a shared experience - which is valuable & empowering to know despite being depressing in its necessity for safety
29 November 2018 : let her stay handcuffed to that door until she dies. it’s what she - and jack - deserve. without context it sounds like i’m misremembering titanic, doesn’t it?
27 November 2018 : @jasondashbailey NOT UNTIL 2.5K
27 November 2018 : @trishanderton @GoddardRiv this is the kindness thing anyone’s ever said to me :’)
27 November 2018 : is there a donation tier that allows me to donate to charity without them & somehow other charities eternally spamming me with mail about dying children and sad dogs?
27 November 2018 : was thinking i wish there was a meal kit service that gave you recipes and all the ingredients but it requires lots of prep (as opposed to say, pre-made gnocchi or flavor packs, because that defeats the purpose). then i realized what i really want is a cookbook & a grocery store.
26 November 2018 : @typoxia we have those types too lol this is a toaster *oven* which makes a big difference. you could hypothetically bake cookies or a tiny frozen pizza in one of these.
25 November 2018 : i have a book proposal due this week and i’ve been reading a highly acclaimed, award-winning book by a fucking genius that’s made me rethink my entire life hahahahahahahaha
23 November 2018 : and then we fell in love https://t.co/MsXlUehUVu
23 November 2018 : support the strike. don’t buy from amazon & cancel your prime membership. https://twitter.com/businessinsider/status/1065950865171890182
23 November 2018 : wow y’all either a bunch of rebels or you’re dead
22 November 2018 : @KATIEBARSOTTI thank you for your service
22 November 2018 : love watching a three hour commercial of waving cold people while forced starving myself and surrounded by restless family with nothing to talk about
21 November 2018 : @anylaurie16 see you in 2019
21 November 2018 : ding ding ding!
19 November 2018 : um??? i was talking to @JohnHMaher about cuffing season & work and he said “No solitude lasts forever but that of the hermits. I have faith.” then i went in my room and saw 6 tarot cards had somehow fallen on the floor https://t.co/qJHJ7TOZ4s
19 November 2018 : @eng1nqueer i'm sorry to hear that, margaret
17 November 2018 : @monicaheisey that’s the ideal direction for self esteem!!!!!!
14 November 2018 : this is beautiful. @JohnDeVore is magic. https://t.co/1odFzIlHgK
9 November 2018 : @acutebitten THANK YOU
30 October 2018 : @LuxAlptraum i've always brought my ID because people never know how it's spelled so i just hand it to them to check against the voter rolls
28 October 2018 : i’ve now watched citizen kane through for a second time & am convinced citizen kane is the great gatsby as a movie (the great gatsby suffers that great literary curse of never being able to transition successfully into film, same as catch-22 and - i’m being edgy now - lolita)
28 October 2018 : a cursory social media check turns up an almost complete absence of political leanings, sharing stories exclusively from AP, but an interesting choice to tweet AP stories about HRC’s private server & AP stories without criticism against Trump.
28 October 2018 : @MarkAgee @patriotact oh so you DO check slack
24 October 2018 : @DMSkeletor what’s a 401k
23 October 2018 : RT @_AlexHirsch: BAD NEWS CALIFORNIA- It’s TOO LATE to register to vote! YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔…
19 October 2018 : if someone could just let me fall in love with them without them making it weird or reciprocating (i don’t have the time!) that’d be great, thanks
19 October 2018 : @justkelly_ok I GOT THE NAMES MIXED UP ITS A LONG THREAD THE NAMES ARE FAKE AND THE POINTS DONT MATTER
18 October 2018 : it takes awhile to find out what ingredients are in the cake she got (so she can serve it, since she can’t very well come back, get her correct cake (where is it???) and head out again). it becomes apparent to me what happened.
11 October 2018 : @NatTowsen obsessively refresh my tweets
8 October 2018 : it actually kinda warms my heart that she’s slowly getting less subtle
7 October 2018 : the certainty of death is truly the only thing keeping me from a full breakdown
6 October 2018 : RT @SenBooker: The Senate just voted 51-49 to advance the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh – but the FINAL vote is tomorrow. There is still ti…
5 October 2018 : @edzitron oh ed, i sure did miss you ❤️
5 October 2018 : RT @LuxAlptraum: 4) But I am now being loudly sent the message that if someone creeps on me, if someone does something fucked up, no one is…
30 September 2018 : there once was a time when the timeline was a safe, harmonious place 2a-5a and now it’s just people quote tweet reacting to like 3 scheduled tweets from media sites of nightmare news stories you might have missed two days ago
29 September 2018 : @CoryBooker do it
28 September 2018 : @TheRachelFisher they should do so silently
28 September 2018 : this shit has me so fucked up. my chest physically hurts. all day i feel this intense urge to hold someone - not romantically or in a sort of parental way. all day, i couldn’t suss out exactly what the urge was. searching for the why, i realize now: to help brace for impact.
27 September 2018 : stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing. stop apologizing.
27 September 2018 : @frankjerry i think maybe i might develop chills soon
27 September 2018 : i left my job making smoothies in a gym to pursue a thrilling career making sandwiches in a food court 😍😍😍 no one hire me to write for you, all my dreams have already come true!
27 September 2018 : @IwriteOK congrats!
25 September 2018 : ok im going dark for the night. #eib (email in bio)
24 September 2018 : @shawnwrites @mostlymutezart @mrsvikingbunny @BunnyEarsWeb @modernrogueweb @DOB_INC wait wait, what’s your opinion on BIG OLIVE OIL IS LYING TO YOU
24 September 2018 : it is https://medium.com/@taliajane/id-like-to-note-before-we-get-very-deep-into-this-pube-forest-is-that-i-am-currently-at-work-so-i-a4574b32bf0f?source=linkShare-f8c3e7924de8-1537800952
23 September 2018 : @chick_in_kiev stunned.
22 September 2018 : @drmistercody @travisharder @MovieHooligan @shwood @LutherisaRogue @johncheese i also fondly remember that, a crowning moment in my “are you fucking kidding me with this guy?!” hell of fame
22 September 2018 : the good news for you is i write about being a poor kid in an abusive environment
22 September 2018 : @jereichwrites @shwood he’s trying to argue firing mack won’t change anything & is an overreaction, it’s just fully ok he’s got an abuser in charge of his site because “what do i tell his family?”
22 September 2018 : i’m truly as stunned as you are. i’d heard he’d “talked to other women” but the details that came forward today. it’s insane.
22 September 2018 : worth noting that even just a few years ago, the steps taken were about in line with how co’s handled sexual harassment. the fact that you+others tried to help me feel safe after the fact, above & beyond the norm. things have changed a lot very recently.
21 September 2018 : @jeffereyborders that was his intention, i assume. i’m glad someone sent me the post so i could contribute my two cents rather than letting him dominate the conversation, as he is so inclined to do
21 September 2018 : just received this text from a friend. whoever you are, i’ve got your back. and i’m sorry john cheese is a scumbag. pic.twitter.com/mGNV0OSVVT
21 September 2018 : thank you to everyone who has reached out. i hope this helps protect other young writers. although comparatively minor, i could not have found the courage if not for the countless women who spoke up about their own experiences at the hands of men who abuse their power.
21 September 2018 : i’ll add: - i know that some will pretend not to see this because it is inconvenient to them. what would better, instead, is if you just shot me in the face. - i hope you don’t ignore it. if you can’t do better than sucking up to john cheese, pursue a different career.
21 September 2018 : ❤️
21 September 2018 : yeah, and i sent them to his bosses. in 2014. which is why he got removed from his column. i also have people at Cracked who can confirm the DMs and their content. this isn’t he said/she said.
21 September 2018 : one quick thing before i go. cc: @JohnCheese and @modernrogueweb . fuck you. pic.twitter.com/rxXqPdHTBm
20 September 2018 : @TheAliciaKraft i know a smoothie place that’s gunna be looking for a smoothie maker to shit on 24/7 if you’re interested
18 September 2018 : i still can't find the article, btw https://t.co/V2b20XFFQt
17 September 2018 : @Deeenst @JennyPentland thank you for specifying
17 September 2018 : @deathcab4booty tru
17 September 2018 : @violectrica ooooomg i ❤️ you
14 September 2018 : @Happydude742 yeah that school was huge.
13 September 2018 : RT @lydiadepillis: So Jeff Bezos is putting $2 billion into homelessness and preschool. Laudable. But you have to ask -- is this better tha…
13 September 2018 : RT @elongreen: If you’re voting in Port Washington, beware. They told me I wasn’t on the rolls and to do an affidavit. I called the board o…
13 September 2018 : if you're still struggling to download/sign up/login: the team is working on it and also it's your fault for waiting until the last minute ❤️ #ThisIsNotAGame new game tomorrow!
11 September 2018 : @TheRachelFisher i can't think of any other way to be. thank u for letting me be your friend 🥰
11 September 2018 : @literElly @brosandprose ooooooooh man i hope that was as amazing as it sounds
11 September 2018 : @breadeagles AHHHHHH
10 September 2018 : @PointySwords i said that and he was like “what.” got real quiet for a sec. then when the numbers got too overwhelming, he said kinda softly “IM a contractor.....”
8 September 2018 : @Brocklesnitch oh i actually very much missed these!!!!
5 September 2018 : @amandamull i mean i sorta fell hard into it too but i also tweet pretty constantly about like, “today at work...”
31 August 2018 : @justkelly_ok hmmmm, you’re asking a lot of him. accountability AND using his platform to promote the women who helped him? sounds risky
30 August 2018 : more like bae-to o’rockin bod am i right
29 August 2018 : @Jason_Momola exactly.
28 August 2018 : @cezanneab it was as much as i earned before taxes from staying an hour late and skipping lunch, so it’s fine
26 August 2018 : we destroy the kids first while the parents watch. join dsa today!
23 August 2018 : @NatTowsen @AlexFirer hahaha you’re damn right i did
22 August 2018 : @mcwm i’m exhausted
21 August 2018 : now we just need to rally congress to start impeachment for donald trump, mike pence, betsy devos, steve mnuchin, jim mattis, jeff sessions, ryan zinke, sonny perdue, wilbur ross, alex acosta, alex azar, elaine chao, rick perry, robert wilkie, kirstjen nielsen, and neil gorsuch!!
13 August 2018 : @JenAshleyWright oh, ive been anticipating the sequel to Actually, and i’m so stoked it’s Actually: Mansplaining
12 August 2018 : dude had a gratitude rock and said every time you look at it you have to say something you’re grateful for. i said i’m grateful for the certainty of death.
10 August 2018 : @bizmichael imo you get a birthday for the date you entered the world and the date you introduced your true self to the world. it’s worth celebrating & great excuse for double cake!!!
10 August 2018 : extremely new york electric company voice: we’re asleep, we’ll call you back after you die from an electrical fire i have to be up for work in 4 hours. i am tired of being everyone’s mom.
9 August 2018 : @nomchompsky which time
6 August 2018 : it’s historic because i’ve never been more wet
6 August 2018 : comedians in cars getting enemas
3 August 2018 : @madfashionista i deleted my tweets as well 💕
1 August 2018 : @duaadiddy me, i’m the wack ass https://t.co/antGL0iw5b
30 July 2018 : wealth insulates people from poverty, where a majority of minimum wage workers reside. you’d be amazed how radical very basic concepts of minimum wage increases & affordable housing are to folks who’ve never needed them.
30 July 2018 : @jonrosenberg @chrissyteigen maybe i’m thinking of the reply i saw to her tweet. but it’s BEEN here since she brought it. https://t.co/K8fHyOJyIu
29 July 2018 : i got yelled at by someone’s mom for saying her dog represents internalized homophobia.
27 July 2018 : wildfire season in ca usually starts in mid-aug but in recent years it’s started earlier, lasted longer, and done more damage than the year before.
24 July 2018 : free food at work, same as free lunch at school, means those struggling with food insecurity don’t stand out from the crowd - you just eat your fill alongside everyone else.
24 July 2018 : i accidentally opened mail for someone who hasn’t lived in my building for 2+ years & it’s 12 photos of some guy who graduated from high school this year? i don’t know what to do but also don’t know why you’d take such an elaborate grad photoshoot OR mail them all to someone.
23 July 2018 : RT @ParkerMolloy: So weird that we've all just gotten to the point where the President of the United States starts his day with a kind of m…
20 July 2018 : my PR person: i spent the last two days sifting through all of your social media to prevent against any liabilities from old posts ME: mhm PR: most of it is clean but i found several tweets where you call ted cruz and donald trump a cunt? ME: leave em up
20 July 2018 : RT @heatherchristle: Hey it's the anniversary of the moon landing, so here is my elegy for Neil Armstrong, created by removing words from t…
18 July 2018 : counter-post, as promised 😇 https://medium.com/@taliajane/a-week-in-new-york-city-on-13-50-hour-1b94294d87a0?source=linkShare-f8c3e7924de8-1531876166
17 July 2018 : @literElly @eorvieto i might be biased but i’m pretty sure i actually would be great at that
17 July 2018 : thank you all for getting angry with me. i love you. counter-post forthcoming 😇 https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/1019324064933040128
17 July 2018 : i felt bad again so i rolled out another chunk. cut it differently. lines much more uniform now. interested to see how it dries sandwiched between wax paper & heaps of flour. have a whole day to ponder sauce. https://t.co/dlJDdv6mpq
16 July 2018 : you’re the one who popped up into my mentions, buddy. go plant some flowers or something more productive than sliding into rando convos looking to justify your anger. i was trying to have a productive conversation with a friend and you’ve derailed it straight into hate.
16 July 2018 : hi, i’m pretty sure she was referring to how the area used to have a lot of gang activity, which the bar owner referenced in their post with regards to how they’ve handled potentially threatening groups. also i don’t think it’s productive to shut down a convo like this.
16 July 2018 : i’m hesitant to call atwater “liberal” - it’s a largely white, wealthy demo who aren’t automatically opposed to white supremacy by virtue of location. stephen miller grew up in santa monica, after all. passivity toward hate is complicity in the systems that allow hate to thrive.
13 July 2018 : white people. stop calling the fucking cops. it’s that easy! if not calling the cops kills you, at least you’re free from this mortal prison. stop calling the cops.
12 July 2018 : why are my only good tweets always 2 words long and about people getting axed for being racist and also just these 2 tweets https://t.co/yyxQPn7Tn1
4 July 2018 : RT @bessbell: I would like to say something about the specific way conservatives react to female liberal comedians who trash female conserv…
3 July 2018 : @thefurlinator it’s really very simple
13 June 2018 : #31: Georg Schaeffler. Congrats on surviving the financial crisis. But the fact that you don't give a shit beyond increasing your own wealth makes you scum and I hope your company doesn't survive the next one and you find yourself on the street surrounded only by your greed.
13 June 2018 : #30: Francois Pinault & family. Oh go suck yourself and your fancy brands. Donate your art collection to charity and put your money into developing affordable housing throughout France, you luxury shitfuck.
13 June 2018 : #29: Jorge Paulo Lemann. If you're going to monopolize several food and beverage companies, AT LEAST BOTHER TO PAY YOUR EMPLOYEES A LIVING WAGE.
13 June 2018 : #28: Phil Knight & family. I once got a pair of Nikes AND THEY FUCKED UP MY KNEES. PAY YOUR EMPLOYEES A LIVING WAGE. STOP USING SWEATSHOP LABOR. MAKE YOUR SHIT ETHICAL & MAKE YOUR SHOES BETTER. Also, fuck the University of Oregon and Stanford for taking your blood money.
13 June 2018 : #27: Beate Heister & Karl Albrecht Jr. PAY TRADER JOE'S EMPLOYEES A LIVING WAGE. PAY ALDI EMPLOYEES A LIVING WAGE. PAY. A. LIVING. FUCKING. WAGE.
13 June 2018 : #26: Wang Jianlin. Jesus fuck, there's so many real estate guys on here I'm running out of new ways to say BUY HOUSING FOR LOW INCOME PEOPLE AND KEEP RENTS LOW. YOU CAN'T TAKE YOUR CASH WITH YOU WHEN YOU DIE.
13 June 2018 : #25: Lee Shau Kee. You're such a ~big~ philanthropist, you could only throw down $400 million out of your thirty BILLION dollars? Just because you had a hard life as a kid doesn't mean you can't open up your checkbook a little wider, you fuck.
13 June 2018 : #24: Hui Ka Yan. If you're so big into real estate, be a big man and make your housing affordable to low income Chinese citizens. Pay your workers a living wage. Use your wealth and resources to make healthcare free for everyone.
13 June 2018 : #23: Li Ka-Shing. You've donated a couple billions through your charity, but you're still too rich. Prove you give a shit. Donate it all. Die poor.
13 June 2018 : #22: Steve Ballmer. You're so big on charity you bought the LA Clippers but you're so bad at being charitable, they still suck. You're worth 38.4 billion and could only cough up 96 million to charity, over SIX years? That's some fake ass philanthropy-for-tax-breaks bullshit.
13 June 2018 : #21: Sheldon Adelson. You donated $5 million to Trump's inaugural committee so as far as I'm concerned the best thing you could ever do with your life is die painfully. I hope all your assets seized by the FBI & redistributed to afterschool art programs, you corrupt piece of shit
13 June 2018 : #20: Jack Ma. Oh go blow yourself. Pay your workers a living wage. Stop trying to take over the world. You have enough money to donate half of it to charity and still be wealthier than 99% of the entire world's population. Alibaba can go fuck itself.
13 June 2018 : #19: Mukesh Ambani. You... kind of seem like you're... doing some good? But I won't hold my breath. Having billions of dollars tends to rot your brain and your soul. Keep doing good. But do it more. And gooder.
13 June 2018 : #18: Francoise Bettencourt Meyers & family. L'Oreal is part of an empire built on telling women they aren't good enough. You should be ashamed of yourself. Go write a book about how you are not good enough to deserve your billions. Then throw it in the trash. Donate your billions
13 June 2018 : #17: Ma Huateng. Stop investing in Snap and start investing in your community, you fuck!!!! You have so much money you're throwing it away into an app Rihanna already told everyone to delete because it's TRASH. BE BETTER, YOU RICH FUCK.
13 June 2018 : #16: Alice Walton. Holy fuck. Instead of getting into Walmart, you got into the ~very ethical~ and ~morally virtuous~ field of ART CURATION? This dude has a better diss than I could come up with for you: pic.twitter.com/wze34sRTEs
13 June 2018 : #15: Robson Walton. Lmao your name is a joke. YOU SIT ON WALMART'S BOARD. CONVINCE YOUR DUMBASS FAMILY TO PAY YOUR WORKERS A LIVING WAGE AND LET THEM FUCKING UNIONIZE JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY.
13 June 2018 : #14: Jim Walton. PAY YOUR EMPLOYEES A LIVING WAGE. HOLY SHIT, LET WALMART EMPLOYEES UNIONIZE, YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG. HOLY SHIT.
13 June 2018 : #13: Sergey Brin. Google has significantly helped destroy whatever remaining threads of trust people could put in their efforts to learn, thanks to your need to line your pockets with ad dollars. History will grimace at mention of your name. Google glasses were fucking dumb.
13 June 2018 : #12: Larry Page. Google has significantly helped destroy whatever remaining threads of trust people could put in their efforts to learn, thanks to your need to line your pockets with ad dollars. History will grimace at mention of your name. Pay your workers a living wage.
13 June 2018 : #11: Michael Bloomberg. Oh my god. Ohhh my god. Where do I even start? You ruined New York City, which will throw a parade when you keel over. The only people who will attend your funeral are those with maggots for brains who are more beholden to money than humanity. Get fucked.
13 June 2018 : #10: Larry Ellison. "In 2016, Ellison pledged to give $200 million to USC for a cancer treatment center." That's it? You're worth nearly $60 billion. Do more, bitch.
13 June 2018 : (these two tied for 8th and there is no 9th, per this: https://www.forbes.com/billionaires/#3efdce1251c7 )
13 June 2018 : #8: David Koch. Again, no clue how to say your last name. But you're worse than your brother. Should have stayed out of politics and just donated every dime of your income toward charity, not for the tax break, but to actually do good. Pay your workers a living wage and go die.
13 June 2018 : #8: Charles Koch. I don't even know how your last name is supposed to be pronounced but I do know you're a fuck. Inserting yourself in politics helped deliver the final blow to American democracy. Every scumbag worships your badness. No amount of good will erase what you've done.
13 June 2018 : S#7: Carlos Slim Helu & family. Sell your 17% of the New York Times back to the reporters NOT THE OP-ED WRITERS and go fuck yourself. Donate to charity. Stop monopolizing Mexican phone companies. You can't take your money with you when you die.
13 June 2018 : #6: Amancio Ortega. Stop investing your billions in real estate and start investing it in schools and charities, you old man. Pay your workers a living wage. You have no idea how much it blows to ring up a customer spending tons on clothes you sold her while earning minimum wage.
13 June 2018 : #3: Warren Buffet. Die already, you liver spot. #4: Bernard Arnault & family. Your brands are basic. Pay your workers a living wage. #5: Mark Zuckerberg. Your ass knows what you did, you booger-lookin ass wimp. Learn how to orgasm without selling people's personal data.
13 June 2018 : #2: Bill Gates. Hm. Thanks for donating the most money anyone has ever donated. Especially for matching Rotary International's $100 million End Polio Now project, but you awarded the Gates Scholarship to a guy in my class whose gf did his homework for him so you bad on that one.
13 June 2018 : #1: Jeff Bezos. Hey, Bezos? Fuck you. Pay your workers a living wage and chill the fuck out, you Lex Luthor wannabe motherfucker.. I hope you eat garbage and it makes you so sick your eyebrows fall out forever.
13 June 2018 : yesterday i was scolded for not criticizing enough billionaires so i looked up how many there are and. alright. guess this is going to be a billionaire roast thread now. remember when you get sick of this: you brought this on yourself, who you can also go fuck. pic.twitter.com/pux888bOK1
12 June 2018 : think i need a selfie stick to really showcase this absolute unit who loves laying his whole body across me while i’m watching tv https://t.co/6z3N3fANeH
12 June 2018 : you don’t say https://t.co/n7W1AiOiIH
10 June 2018 : amazing.
10 June 2018 : the fact you just did that at 7am on a sunday morning is just... stunning. absolutely beautiful.
10 June 2018 : just saw a guy take a picture of the sign, likely to tweet it and get many favs and retweets. i beat him to the punch! and am going to have a nervous breakdown over this countdown clock.
10 June 2018 : manager texting me angrily because i was supposed to be at work 20 minutes ago, asks how long i’ll be. i say: “NaN Mi” and she goes “oh, sure, that’s a number that exists and i understand.” second train countdown went from 7 minutes to 10 oh boy.
10 June 2018 : trains so busted time isn’t even numbers anymore pic.twitter.com/No0UfoefFf
5 June 2018 : @clapifyoulikeme no we gotta cut low low low so folks know it’s serious, and then when they start to behave correctly is when you give them a little bonus
1 June 2018 : RT @josheidelson: Breaking: Boeing technicians in South Carolina have voted to unionize, by a margin of 104 to 65, according to National La…
31 May 2018 : RT @mandysueb: ANOTHER great cat thread! https://t.co/aKQlj7F7wS
30 May 2018 : @shutupsmalls if you aren’t sure, ditch his ass
30 May 2018 : TIRED: cops planting evidence on suspects, destroying or altering incriminating evidence against themselves, graffitiing anti-cop sentiments on their own homes just to justify their sense of persecution and excessive use of force WIRED: cops shitting on their own cars https://t.co/TJZMc6RWRv
28 May 2018 : oh. turns out i've hit a gold mine. pic.twitter.com/Rxnr1Ag56Q
28 May 2018 : i very genuinely considered the possibility that this was written by a russian bot, so extensive their focus on creating division and hate is.
28 May 2018 : reading a blog post from the national constitution center that very poorly tells the story of how the capital moved from nyc to philly to d.c. and, even here, there is no escape from the comments section. pic.twitter.com/UATKIjPN2s
25 May 2018 : @LuxAlptraum @jourdayen (not the same person, because sadly that’s not obvious)
23 May 2018 : @DavidKlion @ParkerMolloy i'm pretty sure parker and i were both referring to the fact that it seemed like you're dead set on ignoring that info in favor of being contrarian, which usually leads people to writing articles that lean on the contrarian conflict they bravely endured a few days after
22 May 2018 : RT @Jeopardy: #WorldGothDay https://t.co/Hd6peZ9Obd
20 May 2018 : a friendly PSA: if you’re wearing white, you should wear underwear/a bra that’s close to your skin tone, not white 🤗
20 May 2018 : @RadioBethany they should go be performative in a park then! it’s bonkers and they’re making our store all wet!
18 May 2018 : @MariyaAlexander her refusal to just take the L is immensely wack
17 May 2018 : for perspective: a 339:1 ratio means for every worker earning an average american wage of 24,000 annually ($12.50/hr @ 40hrs/week), that CEO is pulling in over 8 million dollars. and that’s the AVERAGE ratio.
12 May 2018 : who could forget? that guy is running for parliament now and that shoe is in a museum https://twitter.com/prodgethedm/status/995441261590073344
12 May 2018 : any youths out there, just a heads up: george w bush’s presidency legacy is a trilogy divided evenly between: fucking up, choking on a pretzel, and being seemingly incapable of not saying something incredibly stupid every time he spoke
8 May 2018 : @maozedongthot i didn’t even know that brand existed! useful info! my bed is from target lol D:
7 May 2018 : @eliyudin oh my god moisturize your beard
6 May 2018 : @GlamandGore @_suprdan @KasiFlowLM @jonnysun i stated facts and you’re still going like i’m going to give you a gold star for existing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
6 May 2018 : hey! if you’d like to really stick it to me by supporting something elon musk built, feel free to throw some money into this paypal! http://paypal.me/taliajane
6 May 2018 : @Sho0kspeare *bows*
6 May 2018 : this is so unrelated but could you do me a favor and go to fabulous burgers on rosecrans and order a large chili cheese fries and take a pic and send it to me. i miss it so much.
6 May 2018 : n̰̼̳̹̻ͪ̓͌ ̞͕͕̞̬̣ͩ̍͑̑ͧ̚a̼ͬͯͮͧ̒̀́ ͖̮̝͔̭͕͋̏̎͗h̙͓̫̻̝̖̎
6 May 2018 : [clears throat] nah
6 May 2018 : nah
6 May 2018 : i just remembered when i lived two blocks from tesla & spacex how they bought the land across the street and used it to build a parking structure and then a big fancy apartment complex went up next to the trailer park on my block and now a bunch of tech bros live there.
6 May 2018 : i hear that. i used to live off rosecrans & crenshaw - not too far from tesla, actually. when i moved in, rent was 700. after i moved out and was paying ~825, it went up to $1300
5 May 2018 : it’s weird how being able to move back in with your parents as an adult used to be something to scorn and mock but now it’s actually a point of privilege? like, people respond to that now with “not EVERYONE can do that, you know!” wild wild wild
5 May 2018 : even though i have successfully dismantled elon musk’s entire empire with the masterful precision of one perfectly executed logically infallible quote tweet, he’s doing his best to just tweet through it like nothing can or will change his behavior or improve his shitty legacy pic.twitter.com/5OxXIoVSCy
5 May 2018 : just to be safe, i’d like to apologize in advance to any prospective gents in the ments: you’re right. your opinion is so much better than anything i have said or will ever say. i really appreciate you taking the time out of both our lives for this. please never stop tweeting me
5 May 2018 : look, what some douchebag does with his money is none of my business. but it is my moral responsibility as a person who wants to help this world be better to use everything i’ve got to scold elon musk online. also there’s a nonzero chance no one he knows thought to suggest this
5 May 2018 : you know what’s more amazing than candy is giving your workers a sense of job security so they aren’t routinely injuring themselves trying to push your product out faster because they’d rather get hurt on the job than take a rest break and get fired
5 May 2018 : elon have you ever considered getting into the affordable housing market? just building a shitload of affordable housing in the most financially burdened areas, keeping rents low for decades, and actually leaving a lasting and useful impact on this planet? https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/992876606979952640
5 May 2018 : @kibblesmith @TheAliciaKraft @pattistanger @Bravotv @Andy i am going to watch this and feel deeply miffed that you think so little of me as a friend that you never told me about this
4 May 2018 : @zpsig @JFSargent correct answer
3 May 2018 : i regret to inform the reader that i think the office after pam & jim get together is better than before, but know that this is because i can only ingest a certain amount of tension before it’s too much. it took me an entire day to watch Dogville for this reason.
30 April 2018 : @ArielDumas he wanted to show off his nails too!
25 April 2018 : have you ever heard of the term “circlejerk” ? https://t.co/YUv8XxeD6g
21 April 2018 : RT @selenalarson: Meanwhile Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is the richest person in history https://t.co/LX889xJ6gz
21 April 2018 : i followed all of kanye’s advice and now i have a warrant out for me
21 April 2018 : @nomchompsky second pug looks like it’s on fourth pug’s body!!!!
20 April 2018 : @70Ceeks i googled and did not know about this!
20 April 2018 : @redyy2die i had to really sit & think this over and i think greg thinks romances, which are devoutly not funny = romcom. in romances you get the brutally hot dude. romcoms always have dopey schlubby guys.
20 April 2018 : i can’t name a single romcom where the male lead is more attractive than the female lead, let alone where the male lead is model-hot. is my gay showing
20 April 2018 : heads up to students walking out for the #guncontrol protest in nyc today: no university will give even half a shit if you have an unexcused absence. administrators trying to scare you out of protesting are embarrassing and stupid. pic.twitter.com/yydMGC0AB0
18 April 2018 : @JonQFrench idk, but i lost like 10lbs in two weeks lmao
18 April 2018 : @talzir ooo
17 April 2018 : @buck4itt i think we’re misunderstanding each other here. yes, the criticisms against every generation are always the same - before it was too much MTV, then just tv, rock, elvis, etc. - but the generations being criticized are very different from one another.
13 April 2018 : good thing this is labeled, for a second i thought this was a massive slug projectile vomiting into the mouth of a 3-warred bunny https://t.co/82uVc6BKtg
12 April 2018 : i handed a customer her order and said “here ya go, love! have a nice day!” like i say to everyone and she smiled, “don’t call me “love.”” i said “oh.. i’m sorry!” and she responded, still smiling, “it’s ~unprofessional~.” so now i’m never calling her anything other than “love.”
8 April 2018 : also in that bathroom: all the graffiti was so uplifting? may be my favorite place in nyc, it’s so quintessentially nyc. https://t.co/XBACsyQjJ7
5 April 2018 : @Ahm76 are these real words
4 April 2018 : RT @thedotandline: “I still feel compelled to try to pay it off. Not because I ever will — what a joke! — but because there is something un…
3 April 2018 : @Ahm76 hahahahaha
31 March 2018 : roseanne lived long enough to become a villain lmao
28 March 2018 : @slackmistress i will give you both of my kidneys
27 March 2018 : @TheLoganTrent have his eyes always been like that or is the ridiculous hair just making his whole face goofy af
24 March 2018 : so many peoples moms have left mugs in microwaves
24 March 2018 : that’s so Mom of her
24 March 2018 : oh nnnnoooo!
24 March 2018 : offensive!
24 March 2018 : at my barista job we’d make iced tea by brewing a quart of hot water w/ten teabags, then adding an extra 2 quarts of cold water. worked great!
24 March 2018 : hahahaha oh noooo!
24 March 2018 : regardless of ethnicity, nationality, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, gender identity, politics, income, or education, one thing is certain: we have all, at least once, forgot we made tea until like 2 hours later.
24 March 2018 : they made me tanner and defined my cheekbones too 😭 i used to be so pretty before i gave up! this is a disgrace!
24 March 2018 : but i dooooooo 😫😫😫
24 March 2018 : nah that’s my birthdate embossed into the card!
24 March 2018 : it is *so* California of the DMV to retouch someone’s 10-year old license pic so their eyes are wider and their smile is brighter omfg
24 March 2018 : it looks like one of those pictures of dogs with human teeth 😫 or like judge doom’s face right when he gets melted in Toon Dip 😫😫😫😫
24 March 2018 : i didn’t have to retake my picture to get my CA driver license renewed but they DID something to the pic. i’m absolutely losin it pic.twitter.com/Bu2r0HlM2T
23 March 2018 : @HanaMichels ahahahahaha
22 March 2018 : they won’t https://t.co/qK4hDsbf3z
21 March 2018 : @LuxAlptraum i fixed https://t.co/fkvU7ZWVU2
20 March 2018 : so i tweeted this: https://t.co/Fe3MefCbM5
18 March 2018 : ok that’s it, i’m writing the remake of to wong foo, thanks for everything! julie newmar before anyone else gets a chance to ruin it.
14 March 2018 : @TimMarcin did james fucking comey just say “tbh”
14 March 2018 : @brianvan honestly might have to be the end of me at ucb simply because of money. hopefully not the case, though. i really do enjoy the classes and the community, far removed as i am from it.
13 March 2018 : i worked 4 jobs last year and earned a cumulative $26,000. i used a credit card to register for the classes i had taken. they were my escape from and fortress against the strain of poverty. the scholarship was a long shot, but i’m mad it was my only hope to keep taking classes.
12 March 2018 : 36% of the way to my birthday goal of $500 to @Everytown and it’d be so wonderful if we exceeded that goal! pls share! #NeverAgain https://t.co/esIgRrigJR
11 March 2018 : what are the odds james woods is getting paid by russian troll farms to act as the legitimizing face for all their dumb, hateful bullshit lmao
11 March 2018 : everyone knows oprah’s weakness, dude. it’s bread. pic.twitter.com/oHyuWizzlk
11 March 2018 : epic covfefe
5 March 2018 : i fully thought we were going to have another lala land moment
3 March 2018 : @Ahm76 i think as something you just scroll past it’s harmless and playful, but that’s about where the joke ends. unforch the rest of the article is apparently only in their print mag (???) so i can’t say if it plays overall.
2 March 2018 : i don’t *necessarily* think members of congress are vastly overpaid and largely do nothing, but i do know i had a visitor tracker on my tumblr and on numerous occasions computers on the house and senate servers scrolled through my page off redirects from viral posts i’d made
2 March 2018 : “also driver only had Android chargers 😡”
1 March 2018 : some big news broke on twitter like right after i posted this but i just wanna let y’all know: here’s this
28 February 2018 : @lukajones sounds like you’re on the right path. have you talked to a realtor, just to check places out & get a feel for what your price range gets you in each area? that’d be my next step.
26 February 2018 : @GottaGetMcRib @ashleyfeinberg oh, wow, thanks. i wasn't sure.
25 February 2018 : @ZackBornstein @JoeBerkowitz i bless this sandwich
24 February 2018 : RT @LeslieMac: So grateful for the boost @ava gave our #AWITChallenge campaign this morning! It would so beautiful to hit $15K by the end o…
24 February 2018 : the ny times opinion page with yet another ridiculous piece https://t.co/RdCm163uyN
24 February 2018 : me: i'd like to use someone's login for a specific site 3 separate people: in lieu of that, what if this? me: talia please don't me: don't me: [spends the next hour dissecting online culture and how even the simplest ask is somehow always turned into a Well, Actually]
23 February 2018 : i’ve been “studying” all day and my “notes” look insane. https://t.co/M7WKix1mtX
20 February 2018 : @freddyscott @AndyKindler remember when?
18 February 2018 : it’s the shot & chaser of twitter couples
18 February 2018 : part of why it’s so good! meticulously curated goodness.
18 February 2018 : i tried doing the same with @KaylaPekkala ’s tweets and my twitter app broke 😰 https://twitter.com/entirelyamelia/status/965060357466320896
15 February 2018 : i am too much negativity right now. a singular word can’t describe the sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated soul ache reverberating too loudly throughout and around to process anything beyond it.
13 February 2018 : if you’re wondering, no, mike pence’s wife doesn’t look like a fox news contributor. she looks like a kindergarten teacher who gets caught spanking her students https://t.co/zTlCOl1IO8
12 February 2018 : @pauldanke oh wow congrats! i only ever got ‘beauty spots’ & my relationship with both my parents was tenuous, at best, and nonexistent, at currently
12 February 2018 : RT @quinncy: I know he’s Caucasian and all but I believe the term for that is “rape.” https://t.co/10vZmR8eHd
11 February 2018 : @StaticFactory save yourself the trouble: all of his articles will make you think that and no amount of yelling seems to make him stop
7 February 2018 : the trick to filming titties is hittin that subtle undertit lighting. velvet, suede, & fabrics like it catch that light for you. this costume designer is an evil genius.
6 February 2018 : *casually deletes a whole thread after i’ve learned An Important Life Lesson from writing it all out*
3 February 2018 : paul ryan is so spineless he can’t even stand behind his own tweets
2 February 2018 : starting next week, for the first time in a decade of working, i’m getting a consistent, normal schedule of 8a-4p. i’m so excited. no more getting home at 10pm. no more clopens. no more midday half-shifts. i might cry.
1 February 2018 : because - get this - when you sympathize with someone wealthy, all you’re morally inclined toward is a brief moment of “aw☹️” you don’t feel the need to expend effort figuring out how to help lift them out of their pain. but to care about people in hardship? it demands more.
27 January 2018 : @Justin_Geldz currently it’s still just #tragedy
27 January 2018 : @ihatethisok this is the you-est thing i’ve ever seen
24 January 2018 : @aklingus @DALIAMALEK no. stay. not because i’m trapped and begging for help. you’re just good company is all.
23 January 2018 : ❤️💕❤️💕❤️
23 January 2018 : i may have deleted that tweet lol but was it a dream about a bat and a tap dancer becoming friends, i wonder?
23 January 2018 : ??
23 January 2018 : if anyone’s wondering: no, i haven’t been asked or hired to write for anywhere. but i really appreciate the overwhelming push it seems so many people i look up to made to share this story and ask that someone get me a job. you are all beautiful, loving creatures. https://twitter.com/jenashleywright/status/954883924844564480
20 January 2018 : wow a bunch of congressmen just pulled down their pants and are churning out hot puddles of ass lava right there on the floor, turn on CSPAN
19 January 2018 : @JohnHMaher @emilywithcurls i moved around a lot as a kid so i’m good at making pals fast
18 January 2018 : @zandywithaz HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
18 January 2018 : bathroom selfie! https://t.co/5G4XIFOsKg
18 January 2018 : @PedroAsani that doesn’t make a lick of sense! you have a much easier time with a set that’s all different colors so you can be sure to wear through that whole set at the same pace, then toss em all & replace!
18 January 2018 : @SirEviscerate if you love them let them go if they return that’s how you know
18 January 2018 : awhile ago we came home to the tv on & him under a blanket watching unbreakable kimmy schmidt. he likes shows featuring strong female leads. you can’t train em better than that.
17 January 2018 : which california will get the butt half of the flag bear in the divorce
16 January 2018 : but the stories of rape and sexual assault by men in power PAVE THE WAY for us to discuss subtler instances where women are taken advantage of, where we KNOW we aren’t being heard, where we feel uncomfortable. and that psychological aspect is an invaluable aspect to discuss.
16 January 2018 : i also weigh 15 pounds less than i did a year ago BUT WHO KNOWS IF THATS TRUE
14 January 2018 : @RVoronaCote i think you can also access on your comp but gotta download the app there
13 January 2018 : @katystoll omg it’s so good! i had to go back & pause but i was SO SURE it was you, even sigh your eyes closed!
12 January 2018 : one good thing about global warming is the impending female takeover. the bad thing is everything else. https://t.co/NAwdzOZf5g
7 January 2018 : i’m gagging. it’s like they’re having a pat on the back party about ending sexism just because a few people started speaking up.
7 January 2018 : i don’t know shit about 90% of what goes into reporterly writing but even i can tell fire & fury is a fluff fantasy that’s just a good jack off sesh for those worn out by the insanity and bigotry and stupidity of this administration
6 January 2018 : @msolis14 don’t! it’s bad outside
4 January 2018 : @powersj_tx no i know you don’t, i’m just mad at the world right now
1 January 2018 : RT @CesarKuriyama: This is why I can't move away from NYC. Any given moment can turn into one of your favorite memories. https://t.co/SWvmt…
31 December 2017 : I️ WAS NOT. OH MY GOD.
30 December 2017 : @EveLittlepage holy shit that sounds terrifying
28 December 2017 : @AxeDaniel isn’t that just the way. also hi! how are you!!
28 December 2017 : @broshar i️ have the kind of taste where the thing i like is a thing i’ll never have
27 December 2017 : this is like naming christianity after pontius pilate
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a weight loss program “eat carbs”
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a rehab center after heroin
27 December 2017 : this is like naming an animal shelter after michael vick
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a women’s shelter after louis ck
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a women’s shelter after sean penn
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a women’s shelter after johnny depp
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a women’s shelter after bill cosby
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a women’s shelter after harvey weinstein
27 December 2017 : this is like naming a women’s shelter after chris brown
27 December 2017 : you guys know that dude is pro-nazis right https://twitter.com/jerusalem_post/status/945935169210503169
27 December 2017 : @RVoronaCote @mon_bon_vivant @WillStegemann @Nicole_Cliffe @pronounced_ing @washingtonkate it still shows for me. you’re rachel’s daughter! https://t.co/PWPCOU8Qvb
27 December 2017 : i will love and cherish the holiday card @ParkerMolloy & @KaylaPekkala sent me forever. this was a lovely little chuckle. pic.twitter.com/3h3OY2nTH8
26 December 2017 : RT @TravisMHicks: @itsa_talia They're trying to strong-arm him, so he's got to show his own mussel
25 December 2017 : merry christmas and i hope donald trump, who is a white supremacist goon, dies soon!
16 December 2017 : thanks @deathcab4booty for reminding me about the baby i abandoned in new orleans, according to redditors scouring my instagram. what a trip. https://t.co/By3e8htwSZ
16 December 2017 : @mikd33 https://t.co/knOQNnwrus
13 December 2017 : @joelegge100 @rejectedjokes that's all i got.
13 December 2017 : @thomas_violence hmm idk what handoff is. will investigate. thank you!!
11 December 2017 : hey ya fuckos, how’s about ya download hq & use my code 😘 https://t.co/t5RxJRO8qj
6 December 2017 : holy shit, patagonia. check it: https://t.co/Xs2bEkQOxB
4 December 2017 : @rnelson0 lol
4 December 2017 : Enter your income in this tool for a prediction about how much existential screaming you'll be doing in 2018 https://t.co/lIanDe9GwL
25 November 2017 : @justkelly_ok haha *tips hat* why thank
24 November 2017 : lol vladimir putin
21 November 2017 : @lisaxy424 that’s good to hear! didn’t check the timestamp when it popped up in my timeline but thanks for clarifying 💕
20 November 2017 : “can trump pardon himself?” is my contribution to jokes about trump pardoning turkeys, thanks
18 November 2017 : @DesiJed @TheRachelFisher i just woke up but hi folks let’s dive right back into this very gripping convo!
17 November 2017 : @IntestinalBookW @SamGrittner oh absolutely. but people’s gone with Some White Guy 99% of the time over the last 30...? years, so the actual finest men aren’t included :(
16 November 2017 : @Guinz oh uh hm i think i’m free on saturday actually!
15 November 2017 : @johnlevenstein @seanhannity because that’s how long fox gave hannity to get his shit together so they stop losing advertisers
14 November 2017 : shorter list: how many of the 30 under 30 *didn’t* grow up rich
14 November 2017 : how many of the 30 under 30 grew up rich
14 November 2017 : RT @robdelaney: If Senate passes tax bill, many bad things will happen. *Guaranteed* will be the deaths of poor & disabled ppl who…
14 November 2017 : don jr at it again https://t.co/Xy33JgRWqd
13 September 2017 : @DanWebbLC @pixie21333 @SexuallPosts @kenklippenstein @magicbulletrecs @tedcruz thanks dan
12 September 2017 : my timeline is too much iphone not enough Is Ted Cruz's Cum Feminist?
12 September 2017 : pic.twitter.com/nxnYtG60Fa
12 September 2017 : @sexuallposts
12 September 2017 : "A, erm, member of my, uh, staff, had an issue. But it's been, err, taken care of-"
12 September 2017 : the staffing issue was that his staff was erect
12 September 2017 : ahahahahahahahahahahahaha https://twitter.com/rawstory/status/907630000634986496
12 September 2017 : ted cruz could end this now if he just tweeted "you guys watch any good videos lately?" this silence is painfully damning.
12 September 2017 : rip
12 September 2017 : i changed my display name as a joke that 500 people (and counting) did not get
12 September 2017 : @mitzman @CillizzaCNN lol i'm not the account
12 September 2017 : EXACTLY!
12 September 2017 : good bc last night i dreamed you were pregnant again
12 September 2017 : Twas I who tricked Ted Cruz into liking a porn! And I couldn't have done without millions of dollars from George Soros!!!!
12 September 2017 : i'm living a little nightmare of my own doing, like ted cruz's world, in miniature
12 September 2017 : :')
12 September 2017 : any statement Ted Cruz releases imagine he's saying it with that gross nub on his lip
12 September 2017 : guys, i'm not the Sexuall Posts 😈 you're looking for
12 September 2017 : all i did was change my display name. pic.twitter.com/MJRufJPCUo
12 September 2017 : @BradMossEsq lol about what
9 September 2017 : here: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/08/science/gregory-berns-dogs-brains.html
9 September 2017 : if there's an article promising a sweet story about how your dog loves you, naturally the first thing that should remind you of is bin Laden
9 September 2017 : i was not expecting that pic.twitter.com/j7OmiErji6
7 September 2017 : let it be known that i could've made an spn reference there, but i declined to subject y'all to that added layer of torture
7 September 2017 : you're welcome, ma'am.
7 September 2017 : @dcexaminer go eat your own farts ya wack ass
7 September 2017 : i sincerely hope you never have to find out
7 September 2017 : i heard you can get em for free from cornish lakes
7 September 2017 : their henleys were chainmail and men were MEN/riddled with syphillis
7 September 2017 : buddy, you've been dead for centuries
7 September 2017 : @MattNegrin i'm having so much fun
7 September 2017 : I have faved the tweets that were mock verrits & which you were probably mad at already Forgive me they were hilarious so funny & so cold
7 September 2017 : lol @peterdaou @MattNegrin https://t.co/My2vbyaBUn
6 September 2017 : @MikeDrucker @PresidentShow yay!!!!! i am SO excited for this!!! what's your & @TonyAtamanuik's celebrity couple name?
6 September 2017 : @jchaltiwanger when i get paid to share my sweet, sexy takes is when i'll bother caring abt the reax
6 September 2017 : @JulietOfTheEast 😂😂😂😂
6 September 2017 : him (contd, smugly): so if you tell me to take em off i will but i'm just gunna put em back there again. me: ... okay well-
6 September 2017 : me: give menus to people who want em or they'll end up on the ground. plus, looks like a ticket him: well i have my way of doing things...
6 September 2017 : he goes outside to put menus on car windows. which, 1. it's raining. 2. they look like parking tickets. i tell chef. chef: tell him to stop.
6 September 2017 : him: have you ever worked in sales? me: yes, that's my whole background. him: what, clothes? me: no my face: pic.twitter.com/LNvz0Lx9Rh
6 September 2017 : me: "we aren't legally required to give water cups if ppl ask. only places that serve alcohol have to offer water." him: *scoffs* 1/
6 September 2017 : reader, he has since talked back when i have informed him of why not to do something or made a condescending, sexist remark several times
6 September 2017 : and btw, the culinary field is *still* male-dominated. men get their own restaurants. women get a cookbook & maybe a line of kitchen tools.
6 September 2017 : which reminds me: lmk if you come across a legit, annotated copy of robert may's "the accomplisht cook." the ones i've found are bunk
6 September 2017 : reader, i asked my boss (who is a professional chef AND a man?!?!) if i overstepped: pic.twitter.com/IxAUgY1ahg
6 September 2017 : did he apologize? no. is he now staying on-task with his tail between his legs because he realizes who the alpha is here? yes.
6 September 2017 : "yes, it did. and i have every right to feel mad because what you said is offensive & false and i explained very clearly why."
6 September 2017 : my lotion is all soaked up. my hands smell like cocoa butter and i am feeling the strength of a thousand sisters coursing through my blood.
6 September 2017 : reader, this what i now realize is a hairy child and not a 31-year old man, says "that made you mad? you don't have to get mad about it."
6 September 2017 : so what you're saying is both biologically and historically flawed. so let's avoid stereotyping genders from here on out. k?"
6 September 2017 : evolution doesn't move so fast that women today are born knowing how to cook when 100 years ago it was a men's only club. so.
6 September 2017 : which is when cooking became "feminine" and when "a woman's place is in the kitchen" started, which was...last century.
6 September 2017 : the culinary field has always been dominated by men - women weren't even ALLOWED in kitchens - until cooking became popular with housewives
6 September 2017 : i came back, rubbing my hands with lotion (what a power move, i realize now), and i immediately say, very evenly:
6 September 2017 : reader, i have never so coolly and precisely dragged someone to death as i have today.
6 September 2017 : i walked away to laugh in disbelief/the bathroom as he turned to our chef/the owner to confirm with him.
6 September 2017 : new coworker told me women are born knowing how to cook "and if you don't, you better have something else about you that's AMAZING."
1 September 2017 : RT @theblowout: trump promising $5 million for president obama's birth certificate but only $1 million to hurricane victims is as on-brand…
31 August 2017 : lol my boss told me to "stop fixing things that aren't broken." i'm so tech. i'm getting reprimanded for being a genius innovator. iconic.
30 August 2017 : RT @GadiNBC: Some really apocalyptic scenes driving through #Houston right now... https://t.co/B66n1DIY2e
26 August 2017 : @sasimons is this what i sound like when i'm tweeting after bedtime
23 August 2017 : @Guinz hm actually my grampa did live in Queens as a kid but he's still alive & in CA? perhaps i've acquired a friendly stranger ghost.
20 August 2017 : thanks for your time, that'll be $200
20 August 2017 : RT @Lindzeta: lmao the local news posted a story about somebody who gave their horse bangs and people in the comments are absolut…
19 August 2017 : on what planet, of which reality, is "punch nazis and white supremacists" ever bad advice.
17 August 2017 : @useless_weirdo @VogtRoberts ????
14 August 2017 : lmao i just got a rejection email from whole foods
12 August 2017 : If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. https://t.co/aarKzGDxmj
12 August 2017 : @LouisatheLast ya but we'll still have idris elba, so
12 August 2017 : RT @transscribe: .@itsa_talia is one of my fav people https://t.co/CiQbEMYX3z
12 August 2017 : none of these men have ever made a woman cum
8 August 2017 : while rodger's safe environment existed exclusively online, this guy's exists among coworkers
6 August 2017 : news outlets only ever send push notifications on insane world-ending breaking news and "here's five ways to cook eggs"
6 August 2017 : sharing your financial stress on behalf of your coworkers also struggling is protected concerted activity - you can't be fired for it
6 August 2017 : unionize. now is the perfect time to force tech companies as a whole to make big changes.
6 August 2017 : i was about a year & a half too early to be taken seriously. but the media is now zeroing in on and looking to provide a legit platform.
6 August 2017 : there's momentum building among facebook employees speaking out. now's a perfect time to add your voice and your story. iron's hot. strike.
6 August 2017 : if you're a "lower tier" employee at a bay area tech company and you're not making enough to live, now is a great time to speak out.
1 August 2017 : how many inept dudes will trump make wh comms director before sarah huckabee sanders rage smashes the briefing room
31 July 2017 : bartender let me drink for free & now i'm pooped from both sides-ism where both can be posited as Correct based on what each Leaves Out
30 July 2017 : @PaulSmith7 coleslaw should die
29 July 2017 : new piece going live soon, because i'm good at posting content i want people to see at "peak times" like 2am. hit that $5 button to get it.
29 July 2017 : RT @jchaltiwanger: But having trans people in the military apparently costs too much... 🙄 https://t.co/bobzqIwkgm
29 July 2017 : hey, all women! you know those anime dudes who call you a cunt for existing? now's your chance to meet em! traumatize yourself for tv!!! https://t.co/blzmuNaeG3
29 July 2017 : @Vhudg if you believe it you can write it
26 July 2017 : "hallo," [snickering] "is your-pff-is your refrigerator doing the running?" "why yes, so kind of you to ask, prime minister sukmekov"
22 July 2017 : one of, or all of, these https://t.co/XO6odzQYaB https://t.co/EGa9m3Eje7 https://t.co/GpNyGO0nDK https://t.co/xs05B8EnLU https://t.co/W0anbWKTyr
22 July 2017 : @ChrisCaesar @zandywithaz that's right
16 July 2017 : @AnnCoulter @Delta is this your way of asking if they're hiring?
16 July 2017 : RT @pixelatedboat: Wow! Garland is taking no prisoners right now https://t.co/9IiFzunkNO
16 July 2017 : RT @sadmonsters: Every one of Trump's associates is the same undercover detective in increasingly absurd disguises: https://t.co/WousrTyIPx
13 July 2017 : and leave a comment below https://t.co/kOSO2hg3dA
8 July 2017 : RT @TheDweck: This can be easily disproved. The world currently has a supply of 1 Rick Perry, but the demand is 0. https://t.co/KvgSXj7JOV
8 July 2017 : @transscribe what that's what happens at the end of a bukakke
5 July 2017 : @stewartsc my heart rate is skyrocketing
5 July 2017 : @rorynotroy come to nyc
1 July 2017 : @sammynickalls lmao super yikes
30 June 2017 : @TimMarcin the Good Big Boy
27 June 2017 : *clears throat* *leans into mic* then he should get a second job https://t.co/eBvKKzaZPW
24 June 2017 : RT @doppelvizsla: He should take this offer when the Senate is out of session. And the whole thing should go up on Youtube. https://t.co/8…
16 June 2017 : @SoozleMcDoozle @chick_in_kiev @melissarustemov @CarenLissner wow, the talias....just got owned
16 June 2017 : Fire your social media manager and hire a liberal millennial ASAP https://t.co/Bjxo0hvIi0
15 June 2017 : well i didn't tweet for 2 minutes
11 June 2017 : just saw an ad for dior cologne called "sauvage" w/johnny depp (who's part native american) & the tag is "wild at heart." ..... is it a joke
10 June 2017 : @edzitron yay!!!!!!!!!
10 June 2017 : RT @joeltyler_: What if coal is sick and tired of the GOP insisting how pure and clean it is & it just wants to be dirty af and explore its…
10 June 2017 : big mistake givin me login access to more than one account, imo https://t.co/jmSBWlPgQR
8 June 2017 : oh my god https://t.co/Vw9Q4vbOQi
3 June 2017 : just became best friends with this pup named posie, thanks for asking https://t.co/MZuqOBmOQe
2 June 2017 : @Tormny_Pickeals what the fuck
2 June 2017 : @andrewkehrig 😘😘😘
1 June 2017 : seriously it's been months now. she's not gunna call. just let her go.
1 June 2017 : get over it dude
30 May 2017 : @jules_su ugh, i hope you feel better bud 💞 but also don't come back to the US until you get that mess sorted imo
27 May 2017 : @emilywithcurls ur a talented, loving gem 💞
27 May 2017 : @cciccone me reading this tweet https://t.co/OkU4embmUA
25 May 2017 : @McCormCorp sounds soothing
24 May 2017 : @edzitron then i say good night
24 May 2017 : @naomiakp & considering that, for her to hint that she hates him so publicly is insane. he's so bad even his robot soulless wife hates him.
23 May 2017 : what films don't show is after the character cuts as much hair as they can without being committed, they over-trim their toenails too
16 May 2017 : you: talia what me: a relic that is surprising to see still standing
12 May 2017 : trump using a letter from his own lawyers to prove he has no financial ties to russia is like when i used to write doctors notes for myself
9 May 2017 : RT @THEKIDMERO: I HOPE HE GETS ROASTED BY AN 11 YR OLD https://t.co/afv4bB1zje
6 May 2017 : mfw they close the open bar after an hour but people who don't like me are still here and avoiding eye contact with me https://t.co/lsNbiElfl9
4 May 2017 : @transscribe hahahahaha
4 May 2017 : @aklingus the ca avocado industry is about to hit record profits in about 6 hours
4 May 2017 : men_are_weak.jpg https://t.co/kVNBRp977a
4 May 2017 : ah, right. ya my tweet is about the reaction/speculation following that announcement.
4 May 2017 : source?
4 May 2017 : i don't have a radio but from the article i read they'd all break the story simultaneously
4 May 2017 : based on what i'm seeing on bbc, seems like they're going to wait regardless.
4 May 2017 : expect a timed announcement on social media. rather than refreshing, just enable tweet notifications for @RoyalFamily .
4 May 2017 : tune into BBC. traditionally, they get the go-ahead (see link above) to break the story. don't trust randos, especially trump randos.
4 May 2017 : BBC haven't covered yet. report coming from French pressers plus some MAGA guy who claims the radio confirmed it without including evidence
4 May 2017 : relevant: https://twitter.com/itsa_talia/status/859963460171558916
4 May 2017 : unconfirmed reports that Prince Philip has died. just today, he cut the ribbon at the opening of Warner Stand. http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/cricket/prince-philip-opens-new-25million-10348063 pic.twitter.com/Yuu4p2FLc6
4 May 2017 : RT @elliothannon: “Let's just do it and be legends, man." https://t.co/jtcDj0v7lP
3 May 2017 : nobody hates an improv actor more than they hate themselves
2 May 2017 : i am Aroused https://t.co/wRHGmlxZBf
2 May 2017 : @mcwm cuz it's good
29 April 2017 : RT @drmistercody: Calm down, everybody, let's hear him out. https://t.co/ljtQ1HPZZ4
26 April 2017 : 1 guard watched 'Blue Streak' (36% - Rotten Tomatoes) & thought it was ok because she watched it with her supervisor. https://twitter.com/fusion/status/857314621866299394
26 April 2017 : *points to self*
25 April 2017 : today is the 20th anniversary of romy & michele's high school reunion!! here's why lisa luder is the real villain: https://t.co/ukxvF9MXDL https://t.co/YTODyYI7cV
24 April 2017 : @mollymeebe were i a millionaire i'd buy everyone one just to piss off dudes
24 April 2017 : struggled to spell 'frappuccino' 11 times to bring u this: How The Unicorn Frappuccino Just Became A Feminist Issue https://t.co/KUuKa4i4hQ https://t.co/bFUUwJAQg9
22 April 2017 : @Jauffers @0xKruzr @electraphant and that's why you're on twitter instead of gettin fucked rn
21 April 2017 : @13randizzle like of COURSE but also impossible??
20 April 2017 : RT @AnnaAkana: Thank you thank you thank you https://t.co/2of212Xq6o
16 April 2017 : @my2k it's all just blocks of text taking up too much space on an unflattering picture now. thought we'd refined ourselves outta that
15 April 2017 : where's that "real christian" american outrage eh
14 April 2017 : to potential employers perusing my timeline let me just say all those bad tweets were bc someone was looking over my shoulder on the train
11 April 2017 : @Simonjenkin are irredeemably single?
7 April 2017 : @AlexFirer i'm speculating on this being the start of wwiii bc we won't know until later on
6 April 2017 : @LuxAlptraum @edgarwright @cinefamily aw i miss the theater that does weekly live performances of PB
6 April 2017 : @edzitron @vincentdonofrio 🙈💞
31 March 2017 : talia 2024
31 March 2017 : if you're a man you're not allowed to speak until at least 3 non-relative women can extensively vouch that you are not a total fucking idiot
31 March 2017 : let's not ask men for their opinions until they're 30, then let's stop asking them once they hit 50. they can do enough damage in that time.
31 March 2017 : lol men https://twitter.com/mattdpearce/status/847883577266012161
30 March 2017 : seen on the subway. pic.twitter.com/IJBEDJCY1M
4 March 2017 : this is the future liberals want pic.twitter.com/GKM5oyNZSx
17 February 2017 : wow i got owned https://medium.com/@justaride/why-liberals-are-wrong-about-trump-c865b12c72a7#.8lu15zdcc
2 February 2017 : @Schwarzenegger pic.twitter.com/q4nj8cdW57
21 January 2017 : imagine thinking you're so smart you hold a petty ass press conference confirming why #WomensMarch is happening, hoping to distract from it
21 January 2017 : imagine being the most powerful person in the world and you demand your press sec yell at reporters about tweets.
21 January 2017 : this is so embarrassing. our president is so pissed that his numbers were low that he made this happen. goebbels would be proud. https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/822938348142534656
21 January 2017 : world: *knows about this march for months* twitter: *wakes up at 2pm* wait WHAT OR a male @ twitter: let's not someone else: *adds anyway*
21 January 2017 : @AstroKatie here ya go. they must have just rolled it out. wonder which male fought against it for it to take this long. pic.twitter.com/9drqzrlMux
21 January 2017 : did twitter *just* roll out the emoji at the end of the #WomensMarch hashtag?
27 December 2016 : here's your annual reminder to read the wiki history of the waffle. served without any hint as to what awaits: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waffle
23 December 2016 : does anyone want to be my best friend serious inquiries only
5 December 2016 : the further i look into the start of #pizzagate the more i remember how i used to treat just casual chatting on the internet as a job.
25 October 2016 : just watched my roommate fill out her absentee ballot for the first female president of the United States!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/HbMygNsVWJ
25 February 2016 : "did you ever think of getting roommates?" [extremely outdated 2015 meme voice] what are thoooooooose
20 February 2016 : someone at Yelp PR is informing people who call that my termination wasn't related to my letter. lol & ice cubes don't melt in heat.
20 February 2016 : i love to get fired because i said out loud that i can't afford to pay my rent, this has solved all of my problems!